Wow… I am brimming with blog topics this morning. For example, I could write about a bizarre murder case I read about involving a trio of people in the Army. A man and an accomplice murdered the man’s ex wife. But she was lured to the place where they murdered her, because she had apparently gone there to talk to them about murdering the her ex husband’s girlfriend. Yeah, it’s confusing, and I’m too irritated about our current situation to try to unravel that bit of fuckery. I mean, yes, I’m very sorry that the woman was murdered by her ex husband and his accomplice, but she doesn’t sound like such a peach herself.

So… instead of writing about bizarre murder cases, I think I’ll write about other types of crimes… ones that involve food. You know, when you order food or go out to eat, you are paying for convenience, a nice experience, and hopefully something that tastes good. But I read two stories over the course of an hour that made me realize that some ‘Mericans are just not fit to be out in public or working with food.

Food fight over crab legs…

I grew up in southeastern Virginia. People love their crabs there. Personally, I’m not a fan of crab. I’d much rather have lobster. Apparently, people in Huntsville, Alabama are also lovers of crab. Huntsville police officer Gerald Johnson was eating at the Meteor Buffet when a fight broke out between fellow patrons John Chapmand and Chequita Jenkins. The two, who had been waiting ten minutes for food to come out, apparently got hangry. They started using tongs like swords, beating each other with the utensils. Chapman suffered a cut on his head. He was charged with disorderly conduct, while Jenkins was charged with assault. I recommend checking out their mug shots. The pictures say it all. They both still look a bit hangry…

Man dips testicles in salsa of low tipping customer…

As charming as fighting over crab legs is, I was even more impressed by the next story I read. 31 year old Howard “Matt” Webb is charged with adulteration of food, liquids, or pharmaceuticals, a class C felony and being held on a $45,000 bond. Mr. Webb was evidently in a car with a woman who delivered food for a company called Dinner Delivered. The driver was bringing an order to a woman who apparently wasn’t a good tipper. For some reason, the driver chose to film Mr. Webb dipping his testicles in the salsa that came with her order. She can be heard laughing and saying “This is what you get when you give an 89-cents tip for an almost 30-minute drive.”

Mr. Webb is heard saying, “Ahh… this feels good on my…”

Then, one or both of the duo posted the fourteen second video on social media. The driver is not seen on the video, but she was fired from Dinner Delivered. As for Mr. Webb, if he is convicted, he could spend up to 15 years in prison and be forced to pay up to $10,000 in fines. A resident of the town where Dinner Delivered is based sent the video to the company after they appeared to not be doing anything about the incident.

I used to work in food service myself and I understand how hard and frustrating it can be, especially when you must rely on tips. But that is no excuse to do anything, especially something so vile, to a customer’s food. I hope Webb gets nailed. I bet he won’t be so eager to take his nuts out in prison.

Well, that about does it for Friday’s blogging… at least at this location. I’m off to prepare for the weekend… the last one before Bill’s 18 day TDY session. Sometimes, it feels like he never left the Army.