Lately, I’ve been dealing with a touch of writer’s block. Ever since I had to abandon my original “Blogspot”, I’ve been feeling a bit more constrained about expressing myself. Some people might think that’s a good thing, but they likely aren’t creative types. I know a lot of people read my posts on my main blog and probably came away with the idea that I’m totally unreasonable, mean-spirited, or even crazy. Such is not really the case, though… if I were any of those things, I’d be spewing with reckless abandon and no shame.
Some people don’t think of what I do as “creative”, either. They think I’m just an over the hill housewife with no life, pathetically writing this shit day after day instead of getting a “real” job in a cubicle or something. And yet, these people continued to read my stuff, if only to make sure I was staying in line, occasionally commenting and messaging me only when they felt I needed to edit. The comments were usually prefaced with an acknowledgment that they knew the blog is “my space”, but… Um… why read if you’re only reading to try to control or complain about my content?
Well… it pisses me off, because honestly, I don’t go out of my way to mess with people, and a lot of the stuff I wrote on my Blogspot was legitimately helpful and interesting to people who don’t know me. For instance, yesterday I noticed that a post I wrote last year about Calvary Temple was linked on a site for survivors of that particular cult. People are now reading that post from last June and hopefully learning from it. Aside from that, when I do have legitimate vents about people, most of the time, I try to be fair and at least attempt to look at the other person’s perspective. And yet, I was being characterized as “unfair” or even “unhinged”.
Maybe I am a little unhinged. Months after moving, I’m still neurotic about things that I know would have upset my ex landlady, even though none of our other landlords had issues with me or Bill. Even though we really tried not to provoke reactions from her, we were always unsuccessful. We spent days cleaning, only to have her claim that we’re filthy, dirtbag people. I wish we’d just not bothered to clean, because nothing we could have done would have been enough for her. Her emails about everything wrong with the house are proof of that. We spent days cleaning and I was left exhausted, cranky, and physically sore. And yet, she’s still screwing us. If we’d just left the place a mess, at least she’d have just cause to take our money.
Even though she found and charged us for every possible defect in the house, she clearly never inspected former tenant with the scrutiny she did with us, because a lot of what she was complaining about was not done by us. It was ENTIRELY about money! She just wanted our money, and to shame us in the interim, probably because she knows she isn’t entitled to what she’s claiming and is hoping Bill’s kind nature will overrule his right to nail her with a lawsuit.
And yet, I’m the asshole… and the ex landlady is this “wonderful” person, according to the former tenant. Well… it makes me mad, because it’s unfair and underhanded, and she shouldn’t have the right to blatantly rip us off with illegal charges simply because she didn’t like us (although she clearly loved the 90,000 euros we paid her over the 4 years we spent living in her outdated and overpriced hovel).
Anyway… what prompted me to finally move my blog was not just due to my ex landlady’s former tenant harassing me about my content and opinions. If she’d left me alone, she would have soon found out that her assumptions about me were wrong. But she’d been following me long enough to assume she knew exactly what I was about to do. She felt the need to interfere in things that are none of her business. Although I’d still like to offer that person a hearty “fuck you”, I feel constrained in doing it.
I also moved the blog because Blogger has become downright wonky with some browsers and when I do write something upsetting, in order to keep it private, I have to make the whole blog private. I don’t want Google dictating my content, either. Serious bloggers don’t use Blogger. I figure, even though I don’t do this for money, the fact that my blog is nine years old must mean I’m a serious blogger. Therefore, it was long time for a new and more professional platform.
Even though my decision to move will eventually probably be a good one, it still stings a bit. I’m basically starting over mostly from scratch. Yes, there are a few people who liked the original blog who read here, but the best content is still on that site. I’d like to migrate it to this blog and shut down the Blogspot, but for some reason, WordPress won’t do it for me. I don’t need a lot of readers, but it’s good to have a few, just so I feel like doing this is still worth the time and effort.
It’s hard to get used to this new place. It has some great features that I like, and some that I find annoying. For instance, while I’m sure there is a way to do it, I don’t seem to have the ability to underline with this new editor. I have to use these “blocks”, which don’t let me set the spacing. I suppose I can fart around with it some, to see if I can finally get it looking the way I want it to. I wish I were more excited about things like layout. I may be creative, but layouts don’t excite me. Unfortunately, writing isn’t exciting me like it used to. I may have to find another outlet.
Which brings me to the title for this post… I remember watching an old episode of Saved By The Bell not long ago. The character, Jessie (played by Elizabeth Berkley), who was tall and beautiful with pretty hair, was presented with the suggestion of “forgiving and forgetting” that her boyfriend had pissed her off. Her response was, “I’d rather be short and fat with bad hair.” Well, I am short and fat with bad hair… and I’m having a hard time moving on, forgiving and forgetting, even though it would make my life easier and better.
Yesterday, we booked a cruise in Scotland and paid for it all, since the cruise leaves in 117 days. You’d think I’d be excited about that, and primed to write a lot about planning our trip. But instead, I’m still stewing about how pissed off I feel about the way Bill and I have been treated. I’m glad we moved, since that situation was very toxic. I’m just having some trouble getting over the toxicity of it. I suspect I’ll be better once this matter is settled… but I have a feeling that ex landlady is going to be a major pain in the ass about it, even though two lawyers have already told us she’s clearly violating the law.