Here’s a book review I wrote in February 2015. I’m reposting it as/is in 2020, because Bill reminded me of it the other day. Bill doesn’t have two penises… I just like to ask him non-sensical questions to get a rise out of him. I asked him how he’d like to have a penis that was like an elephant’s trunk, and he proceeded to tell me there was a guy in Africa who actually had a problem like that. Suddenly, I was reminded of Diphallic Dude, who was born with two working penises and wrote a book about it. So here’s the review. Enjoy!
One would think that at my age, I’d be too mature to read about a guy who’s gone through life with two penises. I love a good true story, though, and like a lot of Americans, I am fascinated by so-called freaks of nature. And when I say “freaks”, I’m not really trying to be derogatory. I myself am a bit of a freak of nature given than I’m 42 and still have two baby teeth (ETA: I am now 48 and only have one baby tooth). I’m a freak of nature for other reasons, too, but that’s for another post at another time.
Diphallic Dude is a freak of nature because he was born with a rare condition called diphallia. Supposedly, it affects just one in 5.5 million people. Although Diphallic Dude (who also goes by Double Dick Dude) used to be distressed about his spare penis, he now embraces having an extra cock. In fact, having two penises seems to have given him a reason for living and even launched a writing career started by his turn on Tumblr. That’s why he published his book, Double Header: My Life With Two Penises.
I first read about Diphallic Dude a few weeks ago, when I ran across an article about him. I don’t remember where I found the article, though I know I linked to it when I blogged about him and other weird people, like the lady who knits from her vagina. Actually, Diphallic Dude has been the subject of a whole lot of articles, reviews, and comic bits. He’s been interviewed by Rolling Stone and Jezebel.com. Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien both featured him in their opening monologues.
Diphallic Dude goes by nicknames because his privacy, understandably, is very important to him. He claims that he’s not making any money off the proceeds of his book, having given up his rights to royalties to an unnamed publisher in exchange for maintaining his anonymity. Personally, I don’t believe that Diphallic Dude gave up all of the money for the rights to his story. I’m not sure why he’d claim that or why anyone would even care. I suspect people will read his story because they are curious about his condition, not because they want to know if he’s cashing in on being a man with two dicks. But ultimately, that’s his business. I am not in a position to prove or disprove his claim that he’s not making money off of his extra pecker. I wouldn’t blame if he did make money from it.
Diphallic Dude talks to Dr. Drew…
I think Diphallic Dude’s story is very interesting. He’s 25 years old, apparently horny, and has a genetic anomaly that is extraordinarily rare. In the right hands, his book could have been really excellent. It’s not excellent, though, because too much of it consists of lurid anecdotes about his many sexual escapades with men and women. If his writing about the escapades was of better quality and less ludicrous, that wouldn’t bother me so much. Unfortunately, a whole lot of what he writes sounds like utter bullshit and is pretty disgusting to boot. Many of the details he provides about his sexual experiences are extremely graphic and seem both improbable and painful.
The beginning of Diphallic Dude’s story is much better than the ending. He writes about what it was like to grow up with two functioning penises and includes some interesting tidbits about his parents. But then when he’s in high school, he lost his virginity to some girl who spread it around school that he has two dicks. Kids can be cruel, and Diphallic Dude did have to go through “hell” for a couple of years thanks to teasing from his peers. He was so upset about the negative attention that he wanted to have one of the penises removed. His father talked him out of it (and I’m sure that any males reading this are probably cringing right about now). Diphallic Dude has had surgery down there, but only to make his penises more attractive and functional.
Having two penises has apparently landed Diphallic Dude into a number of different crazy situations. At one point, he writes about having a wealthy “sugar mama” in her forties who let him move into her house. He did mundane chores for her and entertained her with his diphallia. She supported him financially, until one time she left him in charge of her house after her mother died. She had to take care of her mother’s estate, so Diphallic Dude took the opportunity to throw wild parties in her house and entertain other lovers. She kicked him out, but not before giving him a huge check as a going away gift (a detail I find hard to believe).
Diphallic Dude is careful to explain that he has to ejaculate often or else his prostate swells. Not being a man, I have a hard time relating to that, but I’m sure my husband can explain it to me. Suffice to say, it’s a good thing Diphallic Dude doesn’t subscribe to a religious faith that prohibits masturbation or he’d be in a world of hurt. Apparently, he has no shortage of willing sex partners, both male and female, who voluntarily help him massage his prostate so he can release the pressure.
What I think would have made this a better book, besides a more creative writing style and better editing, is more insight into what makes his condition difficult. There is a poignant side to being blessed (or cursed) with two dicks. So few people have ever had to live with this condition and many of those who have also have had serious medical problems that would have made simply living, let alone having wild sex, a lot less fun. Diphallic Dude is fortunate in that his penises haven’t been associated with any truly life threatening or disfiguring medical problems. On the contrary, Diphallic Dude says he has a very strong sex drive and enjoys having sex with men and women. According to his book, his condition has made it possible for him to give his partners the thrill of their lives (and again, I think a lot of what he writes about his “sexcapades” is bollocks or at least a bit exaggerated, but I can’t prove that). He focuses a little too much on the fun part of being diphallic and not enough on the not so fun side. The end result is that too much of Double Header comes off as disingenuous and fabricated.
Also, toward the end of the book, he mostly includes Q and A sessions from Reddit, rather than any solid original writing. I can read Reddit for the cost of my Internet connection. I don’t need to pay $7.99 for that.
Despite my criticisms, I suspect that Diphallic Dude will sell a lot of books. I wish him luck. While I have definitely read better books than his, I would recommend Double Header to those who are curious about diphallia. I’d just recommend taking what Diphallic Dude writes with a huge grain of salt. I also recommend reading this critical review of Double Header by Mark Shrayber. I think he makes a lot of valid points, although Diphallic Dude was not too happy about that review.
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