disasters

Onward to Switzerland… seven courses of weirdness

I think I’m at the point I always get to when I’m on a long break. It’s about time to go home. Today, we’re going to head to Switzerland for a couple of days, on our way back to Germany. I look forward to the next hotel. I think it’s going to be very different than the one we’ve been in all week. For one thing, kids under sixteen are not allowed to stay at the hotel from June to December. That’s because it’s affiliated with a clinic that provides healthcare, particularly to the elderly. So, I expect it will be quiet, which will be a nice change.

We are also not planning to do half board, which means no more menus from hell. Tuesday night’s menu of mushrooms was pretty horrifying for me, but at least it didn’t make me hurl. Unfortunately, last night’s seven course tasting menu did. Yes, I did drink alcohol last night, too. But that was not what made me puke. It was the earthy flavors. I have mentioned before how much I dislike mushrooms. Well, that includes flavors that are mushroom like… even if they aren’t actually caused by mushrooms. I don’t like earthy stuff at all.

So, after doing my best to try all of the courses last night, which ranged with items from cauliflower to the exotic Jerusalem artichoke with grapes, I was then confronted with veal, with asparagus and some kind of sauce. I don’t typically eat veal. I can eat it, but I don’t often choose to. I like asparagus. I think it was the sauce that did it. I tried to eat some asparagus and immediately started retching. The asparagus tasted a bit mushy, which reminded me of canned asparagus, and paired with the sauce, it made my stomach turn. I never even had a chance to try the veal. I had to spit out the asparagus, which was embarrassing, because people probably noticed.

Then I started getting the telltale stomach pains that come from feeling like puking. I got up to go to the ladies room. I had just come back from there, right before the veal course, only that time it was because I needed to pee. This time, it was because I was sure I was about to lose my dinner. I breathed a sigh of relief when I did manage to calm down my stomach, even as I was annoyed that the motion sensitive light in the restroom kept turning off on me before I was finished doing my business.

I went back to the table and tried the dessert, which was mostly raspberries, sorbet, and foamy cake, with some kind of green plant garnish that tasted weirdly like garlic to me. But I triumphantly powered through that last course… I thought I was going to be okay. And then we went back to the room, where I started doing my nightly routine. I brushed my teeth. Then I started to cough and immediately felt the familiar stomach pains. That was when everything came up. I had two relatively polite hurls, then one super powered deluge, which necessitated an extra shower and a quick wiping down of surfaces surrounding the toilet. Then it took about two hours for everyone drinking on the patio to finish up and go to bed.

I have enjoyed Italy. I always do. We’ve had a great time here. But it’s time to go home… and I look forward to beautiful but dull Switzerland in a quiet health spa hotel for two nights. Then, I look forward to seeing our sweet Arran again, washing my clothes, and doing lots of writing. This getaway has definitely been memorable, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that half board isn’t a great choice for me. Neither are tasting menus with exotic ingredients, or places that are super kid friendly.

I think I need to get back to good, old-fashioned, crappy American food.

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2 thoughts on “Onward to Switzerland… seven courses of weirdness

  1. If I were faced with a choice between the meals you described or picky American eaters’ fare, I would have to go with the American variety. the choices sound positively ghastly. I presumably would have been less sick than you because I probably wouldn’t have taken a bite of anything other than maybe the dessert.

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