ethics, Ex, mental health, narcissists

The seaglasshole’s “truth in grifting” policy…

The featured photo is one of the places Ex says she wants to visit… we were there in August 2019, long before I knew this was one of her “dream” destinations.

Happy Sunday morning, y’all. The sun is back in Germany. I don’t know how cold it is outside, but all the snow we got on Friday and Saturday has vanished. Bill and I have a lunch date for later, and I’m working on booking lodging for our upcoming trip to Italy. We will be going to Parma, Florence, and Lugano, among other places, at the end of the month. The trip includes wine tasting, and I’m sure, plenty of food. I’ll be sure to bring my “fat pants”… which means I could bring pretty much all of the pants I own. It’s nice that we can do these things. I plan to enjoy doing them for as long as possible.

A couple of days ago, I wrote a post I titled Love bombing 101… lather, rinse, repeat… That was kind of a continuance of another post I wrote a month ago called The seaglasshole is at it again, which was about my husband’s ex wife’s “crowdfunding campaign” for a new, secure fence for her 15 year old “severely autistic son”, who runs away. For months, she’s also been tweeting up a storm about finding a “service dog” for her son.

My husband was married to this woman for almost ten years, back in the 1990s. He was her second husband. One of the problems they had in their marriage was that she had a habit of spending gobs of money on things they couldn’t afford, and didn’t need. At the same time, she insisted on handling the money, even though she wasn’t the one earning it. She also insisted on living in a small town in Arkansas that didn’t offer the kind of work Bill was qualified to do. As you might have guessed, these decisions led to financial ruin.

When I met Bill online, back in 1999, he was flat broke. He lived on about $600 a month, having lucked into a cheap apartment near the Army post where he was working. Ex took most of his salary, which covered child support, alimony, and the mortgage payment on the dwelling they bought that would eventually go into foreclosure. He also went through bankruptcy while they were married. While I could blame Bill for not being more assertive in his dealings with Ex, I have come to realize that she’s one of those people who can be a holy terror when she’s angry. She’s also very manipulative, and knows how to wheedle money out of people, even when they really can’t afford to give her money. Or… in the case of my husband’s stepmother, really shouldn’t be giving her money because they live on a fixed income.

When they were still married, Ex had a habit of buying stuff on eBay, ordering elaborate snacks from Swiss Colony, and making large purchases without discussing it with Bill, or even waiting until he had a full time job. One time, Ex bought two cars without Bill’s input– a van for herself and a Miata for Bill. Another time, she bought new furniture, carpeting, and ordered landscaping while Bill was on National Guard duty. At the time, it was his only source of income, since he had just (temporarily) left active duty, mainly at her behest. During the four years he was off active duty, but still in the National Guard, Bill was working low paid and unsatisfying jobs in factories, because that was all that was available for him at the time in the Arkansas town where they lived. She didn’t care. In fact, she often did things to try to sabotage Bill. Like, for instance, if he had to work one evening, she’d go out and leave him with the kids, then get back late, which would make him late to work. And, of course, she also got him to become a Mormon (temporarily), which required tithing 10% of his income.

She finally decided to dump him when he got sick of the hand to mouth lifestyle and went back on active duty. Or, maybe her plan wasn’t actually to dump him. She said she wanted to force him to “rock bottom”. She set up her confrontation at my FIL’s and SMIL’s home in Tennessee, over Easter weekend in 2000. FIL and SMIL took the kids out for ice cream, and Ex dramatically confronted Bill about his alleged (and imaginary) “hatred of women”. She wanted him to go into counseling with his LDS bishop. Bill declined, since he doesn’t hate women and didn’t need counseling for that… (although I might agree that he could have used support and counseling for other reasons). When he declined, she said, “Then I want a divorce. I’ve already found a notary and drawn up the papers.”

Bill was distraught. He didn’t want to divorce, mainly because he didn’t want to lose access to his daughters and former stepson. He loved them, and as a child of divorce himself, he knew that divorce would be hard for them. Also, he was heavily under the influence of Mormon bullshit, particularly the popular saying that floats around the church…

“The home is the first and most effective place to learn the lessons of life: truth, honor, virtue, self control, the value of education, honest work, and the purpose and privilege of life. Nothing can take the place of home in rearing and teaching children, and no other success can compensate for failure in the home. David O. McKay

He asked Ex if she didn’t think he was a good husband and father. And her cold response was, “Maybe to another family.”

So, much to her shock and dismay, he agreed to the divorce. There they were, on Easter Sunday, driving to the notary public in Tennessee, signing the paperwork. I’ve heard that Ex locked herself in the guest room at my in-laws’ house for hours before they made the trip. Bill held her hand the whole time on the drive to the notary’s house. And then, a couple of months later, it was a done deal.

A year later, we met in person. This year, we will have been married for 20 years. All I can say is that I’m glad he decided to divorce her. He’s a wonderful husband, and it’s one of my deepest regrets that we couldn’t have children together, thanks to Ex’s decision to convince Bill to have a vasectomy (which he later unsuccessfully had reversed). But honestly, we have a great life… and we get a lot of joy just being together and loving the many rescue dogs we’ve had over the years. Lately, I’ve actually been feeling grateful that I don’t have to worry about children in today’s world, anyway.

The one time we had a visitation with the kids, it was June 2003. Ex was still “Mormon”. We had two beers in our fridge because, after all, I’m not LDS. Bill’s younger daughter saw the beers and slapped him across the face. She was nine years old at the time. I was shocked. If I had ever done that to my father, I would have been knocked into the next millennium. But Bill just sat there looking sad. Later, Ex sent Bill a nasty email demanding more life insurance coverage (he had a $500,000 policy, and she wanted $1 million). She mentioned in the email, regarding the beer, “I’m so glad that at least you didn’t drink in front of YOUR SON (ex stepson– who is actually #1’s son).” In retrospect, it’s probably a good thing that we didn’t have visitations. Imagine the stress.

Bill now has an excellent credit rating. He’s thriving in an interesting and well-paying career that suits him. Though he lost contact with his two daughters and former stepson, one of his daughters has figured out that her mother is abusive. She now talks to Bill all the time. The other one, sadly, is still mired in the bullshit and, at age 30, still lives with her mother, taking care of Ex’s “severely autistic son”.

For years, I’ve been writing about this… and it’s only been recently that I’ve been paying attention to what Ex does online. I used to avoid looking her up because I didn’t want to be angry, even though I was angry, anyway. Now that Bill’s children are adults, I’ve been watching her. At first, it was entertaining, but now I do it because I’m afraid she’s going to exploit my husband’s stepmother. As I wrote in my “Love Bombing 101” post, I’ve seen evidence that Ex has been grifting money from SMIL. And while that’s not directly my business, I don’t want to see Bill’s other family members wind up having to pick up the pieces when Ex drains SMIL dry, the way she did Bill.

The other day, Bill contacted his sister and told her about what we’ve observed. Ex went down to see SMIL last month, and just after that visit, I noticed that the crowdfunding she had going, asking for funding for a fence, was gone from her social media. I posted screenshots of the crowdfunding campaign in the other post, since I’m sure it will be deleted soon. Today, I have screenshots of some of her latest public online activities. Notice how many pleas she makes for items that aren’t really “needs”– photos, books, puppies, gin and gin glasses (guess she’s not Mormon anymore)… as well as flirting with Mark Hamill and other people she admires. And yes, lots of bragging about her supposed relations to famous Scottish families (Ex was adopted).

It’s been interesting watching Ex in action. You see, I’ve been exploring my own ancestry, and I’ve discovered that I’m pretty Scottish myself. Both 23&me and Ancestry say so… I don’t claim to be related to any famous Scottish families, but I do know I’m related to a whole lot of Scots (and Brits and Irish people). And we’ve actually had the chance to go to some of the places Ex says she dreams of visiting. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so keen on her wants back in the 90s, she could have been to some of these places and seen them firsthand, instead of scouring Instagram and Pinterest for stuff to dream about. Perhaps she could have also taken her “beloved” children with her on these trips, so they could also explore the world. But no… there were too many other pressing desires… like treats from Swiss Colony, Disney plates, and depression glass.

This may seem like a “mean” post. But Ex has been getting away with her shit for years… and it’s mainly because no one directly calls her out on this stuff. We did clue Bill’s sister in to what we’ve observed, and advised her to keep an eye on her mom. Ex may still do some grifting… but maybe if it gets bad enough, SIL can get law enforcement involved. Because I don’t think Ex will stop until she’s forced to stop somehow.

Well, I need to close this post, because Bill and I have a lunch date. I need to get dressed and put on my face. I suspect some people will think it’s wrong that I’m exposing Ex in this way… but I’m just so tired of sitting by and watching her spread her lies. Ex is a liar, a grifter, and exploiter. I’m glad no one but her contributed to her crowdfunding campaign. I’m going to do what I can to stop Ex from turning herself into SMIL’s next cash drain. The seaglasshole doesn’t practice truth in grifting, and I’m tired of seeing people I care about being used by her.

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