healthcare, law, narcissists, Trump

“PLeaSe DOn’T AbORT! wE wIlL aDopT yOuR bAby!”

Recently, I started paying a lot more attention to Twitter than I used to. I never liked using Twitter before, because I don’t like having character limits on my posts. Also, I just never got into it. When Trump was president, he was constantly on Twitter, and I didn’t want to be exposed to his constant stream of shit. I actually blocked Donald Trump on Twitter before he got banned.

But lately, I have slowly been warming up to Twitter and posting more tweets. Most of my tweets are autogenerated by Untappd– a beer tracking app, but I have been making a point of sharing links to blog posts. I’ve also been following the musician, Anthony D’Amato, whom Bill and I had the pleasure of seeing open for Keb’ Mo’ last month. He’s very intelligent, witty, and shares my perspective on a number of issues. I like his music. He’s also pretty responsive.

I probably got more into Twitter in March, when USAA got me extremely pissed. I would go on Twitter to read comments from other outraged customers who have been let down by them lately. Bill and I are trying to divest ourselves from USAA, but it’s proving to be difficult for a lot of reasons. But we did manage to move our car loan and open another checking account at a different bank. As that gets more established, we will be moving more of our stuff out of Texas… USAA is based in Texas, of course, but Texas is also at the root of the abortion access crisis we’re facing now, thanks to the ridiculous decision by the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v. Wade. I spent the weekend reading a lot of reactions to this decision, and I am truly frightened for the future. I am pretty sure women will DIE because of this nonsense.

This morning, I got an email from Twitter with a digest of people it thinks I want to follow (but I don’t actually follow). In the email, there was a link to someone named Matt Oswalt. I don’t even know who the hell Matt Oswalt is. I should probably find out, since his tweet that appeared in this morning’s Twitter email is the inspiration for today’s blog post. According to his handle, Matt Oswalt is a comedian, and further research shows that he’s the brother of Patton Oswalt, who is also a comedian. And look at that! They’re from Virginia! Okay… now I feel caught up on things.


So, this morning I saw the below tweet from Matt Oswalt.

Keep in mind, I didn’t know who or what Matt Oswalt was when I first saw the above tweet. I started reading the responses from people. Some of the comments were pretty funny. Some were outraged. A lot of people were engaging in a conversation that I’ve had with a few strangers myself, lately. Like, for instance, it shouldn’t be up to women who are unintentionally pregnant and unable to access abortion to provide babies for infertile people. Pregnancy and parenting are different issues. Giving a baby up for adoption is an extremely difficult and complicated decision. But, aside from that, there’s something really creepy about this couple…


And this one…

No thanks.

I mean, they could be wonderful people. They sure smile big and pretty. But they also look like the kind of people who would send their kid to a church where girls are routinely taught that having sex before marriage makes them akin to a shattered vase, a chewed piece of gum, a wilted rose, or a licked cupcake. Or maybe they’d “lovingly” kick the kid out of the house if he turned out to be gay, or preferred to be an atheist.

I can understand why a lot of women don’t want to give up their babies, even if they are ill equipped to raise them. Adoption may be a very loving and mature thing to do, or it could be a disaster. At least if a woman has an abortion, she knows what became of her baby. If she does it early enough, there’s no chance to bond. But going through nine months of pregnancy, feeling the fetus grow and kick, watching her body change irreversibly, and putting her life on the line has a way of creating a bond. And when the baby is born, those hormones kick into full force. The prospect of handing one’s baby over to a woman with a vacuous stare and the personality of mashed potatoes and her hungry looking husband is not very appealing. Like anything else, adoption is a crapshoot.

I know some adoptees, because when I was born, abortion wasn’t available everywhere. A number of people in my generation were adopted. Some adoptees had really good experiences and were raised by excellent people. Others had terrible experiences and felt rejected by their birth parents. The psychological injury that resulted from that rejection led to significant character disorders.

For instance, Bill’s former wife was adopted, and her childhood was a disaster. She didn’t know her adoptive father until she was seven years old, because he was a Merchant Marine and went to sea a lot. According to Bill, Ex’s adoptive father was comparably decent compared to her adoptive mother. That doesn’t mean he was a really great guy– he was married several times, and once reportedly got his marriage annulled from a woman he’d been married to for two days because he didn’t like the way she smelled. But at least he provided for his kids, and wasn’t extremely abusive to them. I guess he was just guilty of abandoning and neglecting them– or, at least he was guilty of abandoning Ex.

Ex’s mother divorced Ex’s father when Ex was very young. Ex’s mom then married a wealthy but evil man, with whom she later had a couple of bio children. For the first few years of her life, Ex reportedly believed her stepfather was her dad, because her adoptive dad wasn’t in her life. Ex was horrifically abused by her stepfather, and her mother turned a blind eye to it because it meant her husband left her bio kids alone. The end result of that upbringing was, in part, a woman who exploits her children and uses them as weapons against their own family members. That upbringing resulted in a woman who tweets celebrities, begging for money and narcissistic supply. She was rejected by her bio parents, and abused by her adoptive parents, and the reality of that is crushing. It’s the house of horrors that built Ex.

Here’s another example of an adoptee who went off the rails. In 2007, Bill went to war in Iraq with a narcissistic man who was adopted. Bill’s boss hated his adoptive mother. Actually, he seemed to hate all women, as he would openly deride and disrespect them. He would not let female doctors or dentists examine him, and he would be openly disdainful toward female officers. I have a female childhood friend who recently retired as an Air Force colonel. She is extremely well respected in the Army and Air Force, especially in special operations and military intelligence. She once had to report to Bill’s former boss, and he was openly rude to her, simply because she does not possess a penis. This man did not think women had any place in the military, and he behaved accordingly.

A few years after they deployed together, this colonel who had been Bill’s boss was very publicly fired for abusing his troops in Iraq. He had been on track to be a general officer, but too many people reported his egregiously horrible and dangerous leadership. He was relieved of duty and sent back to the States where he was forced to retire as a colonel, instead of the brigadier general he had been slated to become within weeks. There was a huge, embarrassing article about it in the Army Times. A quick Google search still shows plenty of mentions about what an absolutely terrible boss he is and how he disgraced himself in a war zone, abusing his troops and putting them in danger.

I remember Bill would call me from Iraq and talk about his boss… a man who delighted in abusing people. My blood would boil as I heard my husband talk about how his boss reminded him of Ex, and how my husband was in a war zone, which was stressful enough, and having to endure psychological abuse from his superior. I took comfort in knowing that I had warned his boss not to get my husband killed, because I would be coming after his ass if he did. I had said that in a joking manner, but Bill told me his boss took what I said very seriously. He was clearly not used to being spoken to in such a way by a woman, and since I wasn’t his underling, there was nothing he could do about it. He probably figured that if I had the nerve to say such a thing to him, I would follow up on my threats if he didn’t bring Bill home to me. Also… the colonel the narcissistic boss was replacing was killed in a helicopter crash a week before he and Bill arrived in Iraq, and his narcissism would not allow a similar fate to befall him or Bill. So he did take care of Bill, and made a point of not putting him in very dangerous situations. But that care came at a cost. He often mentioned my comment to Bill, and harassed him about it.

I remember asking Bill in 2007 why he wouldn’t report his boss. Bill said that if he reported him, he would be the one who would be punished. In Bill’s situation, it was just him and the colonel, not a brigade of troops, as the colonel was commanding when he got fired. So if Bill had complained, he would have looked weak and whiny. But… if Bill had complained, he would have done his part to try to stop an abuser from staying in charge. It might not have worked in the short term, but they would have had some precedence– a record of his abuse toward an officer in a war zone. Maybe things would have turned out better. Unfortunately, the military still has a long way to go in dealing with abusers.

I’m not at all saying that all adoptees turn out the way Ex and Bill’s former boss did, or even that being adopted was what caused them to be the way they are. I’m saying that adoption is a crapshoot, and sometimes adopted children have hellish childhoods that can turn them into terrible people. A lot of people like to talk about how adopted children are lucky because they were “chosen”, and of anyone, they should be the most in favor of the “pro-life” argument. But I have read comments from people who were adopted and wound up very conflicted, confused, and damaged by the experience. It’s not always a happy ending for those kids.

I do know a number of adoptees who grew up healthy, strong, and mentally balanced– including Bill’s half sister, who was adopted by his father and stepmother. It’s just that in both of the cases I presented in this post, it seems that being adopted had wounded the adoptees in some way. They didn’t feel the unconditional love and acceptance that all humans need to develop normal empathy. If their bio parents had raised them, they might have still turned out to be narcissists. Plenty of non adopted people are narcissistic. But in both of these cases, the adoptees reported not being loved and accepted when they were very young. Ex was used as a source of sadistic pleasure for her stepfather, in exchange for leaving his bio children alone. I’m not sure why the colonel hated his mother– Bill just told me that he had no regard for her, but he worshiped his father. And, in fact, the colonel was fired after having gone home to the States for his mother’s funeral. He probably hates her even more, now.

Adoption causes a lot of issues that the pro-life crowd wants to ignore. Aside from that, people who want to adopt usually want babies… preferably healthy white ones with no intellectual, physical, or psychological defects. Considering that we don’t offer universal healthcare in the United States, it stands to reason that a lot of women who will be forced to gestate won’t have access to the best prenatal care. Or, maybe the woman who is being forced to birth might deliberately neglect herself, hoping for a miscarriage… until the laws are made that force pregnant people to “take care of themselves” or risk being imprisoned, where pregnant people are also treated very poorly (and I’ve noticed lots of conservative men cheering about the prospect of jailing women over pregnancy– why are Americans so in love with the idea of warehousing humans in prisons?).

I mentioned recently that the foster care system in the United States is full of children who desperately need families. As red states gleefully ban abortion, some people are delighted at the prospect of a bumper crop of babies to adopt, as poor women with no means to travel to less misogynistic places will be forced to gestate. But many of those women still won’t choose adoption, so a lot of those babies will be raised in terrible circumstances that will trap them in abuse and poverty.


The adoption thing isn’t the only issue to come up after the Supreme Court’s disastrous decision on Friday. Women’s lives are already in jeopardy in red states, because now doctors are feeling that they have to be especially careful in dealing with pregnant women in crisis. Last night, I saw this Tik Tok video from a nurse with a platform. Another nurse had written to her, explaining how a woman had come into the hospital with an ectopic pregnancy just after the ruling was overturned and a trigger law went into effect. The doctor would not treat her until he had spoken with a lawyer about how to get around the law and not lose his license. By the time she got surgery, nine hours had passed, and she had 600 ccs of blood in her abdomen. She had almost bled out and died, when a week prior, the doctor would not have hesitated to immediately do the necessary surgery to save her life.

@travelingnurse #greenscreen I hate it here #nursesoftiktok ♬ original sound – Lex RN BSN

It’s terrifying to be a woman who can get pregnant these days.

Meanwhile, we have moronic Republican representatives like Mary Miller of Illinois, praising Donald Trump for the overturning of Roe v. Wade as a “historic victory for white life”. Her exact words were “President Trump, on behalf of all the MAGA patriots in America, I want to thank you for the historic victory for white life in the Supreme Court yesterday…” What a stupid woman. But she’s probably only echoing what a lot of very ignorant people in the United States are thinking… until they or their loved ones are the ones whose lives are in danger because of this situation.

And then there’s Utah’s Republican Representative Karianne Lisonbee, who said this:

“I got a text message today saying I should seek to control men’s ejaculations and not women’s pregnancies,” Lisonbee told reporters during a news conference, adding that the message suggested: “that I clearly don’t trust women enough to make choices to control their own body.”

“And my response is I do trust women enough to control when they allow a man to ejaculate inside of them and to control that intake of semen,” she said.

She should be deeply ashamed of herself. What an asinine and CRUEL comment. She’s a traitor to women.

Well, anyway… I am pissed off about this. I am one of many people who are pissed off about this. I’m not sure what I can do, other than to keep writing, tweeting, and voting. We are indeed living in “interesting times”.


9 thoughts on ““PLeaSe DOn’T AbORT! wE wIlL aDopT yOuR bAby!”

  1. I don’t have a great deal of exposure to adoption. I have no close friends who were adopted, and my family is so overly fertile that there’s not a whole lot of adoption there, either. My Aunt Cristelle adopted her third child (a biracial child from the greater London area who looks eerily like North West) after having her first two in the traditional manner.

    If a woman wishes to carry a pregnancy to term and to place the child up for adoption, more power to her, though I agree with you that the results seem to be a bit of a mixed bag. Relatives of relatives, relatives of relatives’ relatives, and so forth, have adopted with varying degrees of satisfaction on both sides. It obviously doesn’t always work out for the best.

    The idea that it’s the obligation of women who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant and not up to the task of parenting to provide a supply of babies for those who wish to adopt is offensive beyond belief.

    My brother and his fiancee were married on Saturday night. Before he picked a date, Matthew asked if it would bother me if he married before I did. (I announced my engagement and picked a date first.) I told him of course not. It was nice that he asked, but only a vain idiot would care, in my opinion. Had he scheduled his wedding within a week or two of mine in either direction, it might have caused a few problems, but with mine being in October and his in June, it’s all good. If anyone in the family chooses not to attend my wedding because they just shelled out $$$ to attend Matthew’s, I can live with that.

    • Congratulations to Matthew and his new wife!

      I swear, the USA that I left 8 years ago is virtually unrecognizable now. It’s like the whole country has gone completely crazy. I find the prospect of going back there very depressing… Fortunately, Bill seems to be determined to look into finding a place to retire in another country. I’m not sure how we’ll manage it, or where we’ll go, but it does seem to be something we’ll do. I’m just glad he’s open to it. In fact, I think he wants it more than I do.

      Yesterday, I found myself in another comment section in which people were touting vasectomies. I ended up sharing Bill’s experience with reversal, because so many people seem to think reversals are always successful and simple procedures. I had a respectful exchange with a woman whose husband is about to have one. She even said she’d hoped she hadn’t come off as “snarky”… I just told her that I wanted to offer real life perspective about how reversals don’t always succeed, as well as a real look at what is involved.

      I just wish we could all be much more respectful toward each other, our privacy, and personal choices to be made. Pretty soon, privacy won’t apply to pregnant people at all.

      • I’ve read several accounts from people who are treating vasectomies as though they’re the equivalent to a Norplant. I would never bank on a successful reversal. Some insurance carriers won’t cover a reversal procedure; if an insurance carrier paid for the vasectomy, I’m not sure it’s right to force the same carrier to cover the reversal procedure. I’m generally not quick to champion the rights of medical insurance companies, but in this single scenario, I’m on their side.

        I suppose sperm could be frozen and stored.

      • In Bill’s case, both the vasectomy and reversal were done free of charge by the Army. Gotta love that socialism.

      • Spain seems like a good place to be an ex-pat. I recently reconnected with the woman who was the Student Activities Director for the Semester in Spain program that I participated in back in 1988 (holy shit…34 years ago!) and I found out that she’s STILL in Seville, doing the same thing (although the center now calls itself the International College in Seville; they cut cords with the institution that I went to Spain with, the College Consortium for International Studies not long ago).

        My friend Lisa, who is married to the ICS director, still holds U.S. citizenship and has (I think) two daughters of college age. I asked her on LinkedIn if she “comes home” to the U.S. often; she told me she only comes back once or twice a year to visit her family in New York State.

        I’m sure that if you do decide to become an ex-pat, you’ll choose wisely no matter if it’s Spain or Germany, or Italy…..Let’s just hope the ultra-right does not take control of more Western countries, though!

  2. Conservatives, I swear, seem to be blind – either willfully or not – to the Law of Unintended Consequences, especially when it comes to laws that allegedly spring from the Well of Morality.

    Exhibit A: Prohibition.

    Admittedly, Prohibition was not a “conservatives-only” project, and (also admittedly) was caused by the very real problem Americans have always had with the overconsumption of alcohol. The 18th Amendment was the end result of a long series of attempts to deal with alcoholism, spousal abuse, lost productivity, family abandonment and health issues caused by heavy drinking. And it was steered along to ratification by a strange alliance comprised of women,men, religious groups, conservatives, liberals, and mostly Protestant religious leaders. You might even say that the temperance movement was the first in which women were the prime movers, although the heavy lifting on the political side was done by the infamous Anti-Saloon League and its leader, Wayne Wheeler.

    Even with this caveat, Prohibition was embraced more by white conservatives who identified as Christian and lived either in the South or out West. There was – as in many other issues – a great schism between rural America and urban America; as you know, small-town America tends to be uber-conservative, deeply religious, and looks at the big cities with both distrust and distaste.

    In the South, there was also the Jim Crow aspect of it, since many whites hated blacks and used propaganda depicting people of color – especially the men – as potential rapists who would “corrupt” or “deflower” innocent, beautiful white women if they had access to liquor.

    And in the North – no paragon of virtue either – Prohibition appealed to the “nativists” who hated immigrants from “non-white” European countries such as Italy, the Balkans, and the parts of Russia that are now independent from the old Empire and the Soviet Union, namely, Poland and the Baltic States. Especially if those immigrants had darker complexions than acceptable ethnic groups (Germans, British, Scandinavians and Scots) or practiced Catholicism or, worse, Judaism.

    Whatever the motives were, Prohibition as enacted in the Volstead Act was, like the anti-abortion movement, all about control. It was born out of good intentions, just as I’m sure that many “pro-lifers” think that their “but think of the babies!” is an honest and well-meant effort to preserve the sanctity of life.

    But deep down, both movements are (believe it or not, there are still folks out there who think Prohibition was a “noble experiment” and ultimately failed because it was not done right) motivated by the desire of one group to control the rest of us. Prohibition was white, Christian America’s attempt to make the nation more “Godly” and conformist to Protestant (and provincial) beliefs, while the pro-life movement is intended to punish women for being human beings with sexual autonomy. (There also might be a racist aspect to it; I’ve read stuff on the Internet that many white supremacists have noticed that white Americans ae not having enough babies, while the non-white population is having more kids, especially practicing Catholics who immigrate from Latin America.)

      • I feel the same way.

        What is disturbing is that Christian fundamentalists rail about “Islamofascism” in Iran and other Islamic-majority countries, yet they are cut from the same cloth. Their main allies are fundamentalists in the other non-Islamic Abrahamic faiths, especially the Eastern Orthodox Christians that support Vladimir Putin. The only differences are, of course, the “brand name” of the Abrahamic religion and the color of their counterparts’ skins.

        Aside from those variances, the radical fundies are exactly like the guys in Al-Qaeda who hijack planes to crash them into buildings or use suicide vests to kill innocents in the name of God.

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