Ex, narcissists

Sometimes, I think my name should have been Cassandra…

Which is funny, because when my sister was pregnant with my niece, she was considering calling her Cassandra. She ended up choosing a different name. My niece was sort of named after my mom, whose name is Elsie Lee (she goes by Else… my mom is the only “Else” I’ve ever known, although I know the name “Ilse” is popular in Germany). My sister named her daughter Elise, because that’s a more modern name. She probably figured my niece would get teased if she was called Elsie, even though my niece grew up in North Carolina and Elsie is a nice southern name. 😉

Ex named one of her daughters Cassandra, but that’s not the name she goes by. And I’m not sure if Ex knows the origin of the name, Cassandra. I realize Wikipedia isn’t necessarily the best source of accurate information, but for the sake of expediency, here’s a link… For those who don’t want to read the long tale of the name Cassandra, here’s a short take. Cassandra was, in Greek mythology, a prophetess who had a gift for accurately predicting impending disasters. However, people didn’t believe her predictions, which was part of a curse bestowed on her by the Greek God, Apollo.

Apollo had fallen in love with Cassandra, and tried to win her affections by giving her the ability to see the future. Initially she “promised him her favors”, but then went back on her word and rejected Apollo. When Cassandra rejected his advances, it enraged Apollo so much that he added a curse to her gift of foresight– that her accurate predictions of doom and tragedy would not be heeded. She would try to warn people of calamities; they wouldn’t take her seriously, and she would see them suffer.

I’m pretty good at predicting good and bad things. People don’t always take me seriously, probably because I’m the youngest in my family. Fortunately, Bill does listen to me, and he’s often said that he’s grateful that he does. So maybe I’m not so much like Cassandra, after all, since I don’t care too much if other people don’t listen to me. In any case, those of you who follow my blog might remember that back in the spring, I noticed that Ex was doing some “weird” stuff that raised my suspicions about her intentions toward my husband’s family. For instance, she visited my husband’s stepmother with Bill’s older daughter and her youngest daughter. While she was there, she asked SMIL for money, which she, thankfully, declined to give her. She also gave her boxes with postage paid, in case she wanted to hand down any family “heirlooms”, since Bill’s father died.

Keep in mind, Ex forced Bill’s daughters to change their last names. She refused to let Bill have any contact whatsoever with them when they were minors. Older daughter, age 31, still lives with Ex, and is the de facto mom to Ex’s youngest child with #3. So, one would think that my husband’s family would want nothing to do with Ex, right? But no… Ex is a very manipulative person, and she’s very good at using people. She’s used Bill’s daughters to maintain contact with Bill’s family, even though she has treated them horribly.

So anyway, we learned that Ex called up SMIL last spring and proposed letting older daughter visit her. SMIL, overjoyed at the thought of seeing her long lost step-granddaughter, said “You would let her get on a plane and come see me?” (again, this is a 31 year old woman we’re referring to– and yes, she is supposedly “on the spectrum”, but she’s certainly capable of flying on a plane by herself. She isn’t intellectually disabled.)

But Ex reportedly said, “Well, I was thinking I could come, too, although I’m sure you don’t want to see me.” And Ex was probably right about that, although SMIL wasn’t going to deny her with the prospect of seeing older daughter. And then Ex proposed bringing along #3’s daughter, who is NOT at all related to Bill’s family. Younger daughter, who has little kids to tend to, was not involved, but later heard all about it.

When I heard about this a few months ago, I figured Ex was trying to get money again, because she had been running a crowdfunding campaign. And I had a feeling she would be trying to separate SMIL from her money. I also had a bad feeling, especially in the weeks following that visit, that Ex was going to propose either moving in with SMIL, or SMIL moving in with her. I noticed her referring to SMIL on social media as her “mum”. I could see that this was Ex cozying up to my husband’s vulnerable stepmother, trying to slither in and take advantage of someone who probably reeks of prey to her.

Ex has already had her mother living with her, and her husband’s mother, a la Cousin Eddie and Aunt Edna in National Lampoon’s Vacation. In both cases, she used their Social Security payments to pay for her mortgage on her house and other bills. Ex’s mother died, and she disposed of her in the cheapest way possible, even keeping her ashes in a box in a closet. Her husband’s mother, who resisted Ex’s efforts to get her to move in for some time before relenting, is living there now. And now, we know that she asked Bill’s stepmother to move in with her.

What makes this development super fucked up is that this is Ex’s ex husband’s stepmother— not his mom, whom Ex hates. SMIL has no blood relation to Ex or even older daughter. But Ex has her eye on her… and would love for her to move in. Why? Because she has money, and she owns a house with lots of equity. I’m sure Ex would consider moving in with SMIL, if she thought she could get away with it. But my husband’s sister and other family members know about Ex… and if she moved in, she’d be moving into SMIL’s house. If SMIL moved into her house, she would be isolated, far from her family, friends, and familiar surroundings. And Ex would convince her to liquidate her assets and give her the money.

And this makes even more sense now, because recently, Ex has been posting about her marriage possibly being on the skids. If she’s planning to split from #3, or vice versa, that would mean that her MIL would be leaving the house, probably significantly poorer than she was. Ex needs to replace her, so enter SMIL… and SMIL has more money to suck away. Fortunately, SMIL has a daughter who is wise to Ex and won’t stand for her bullshit. However, I honestly believe it might be time to get a restraining order. I have told Bill as much, although since it’s not his mother who is at risk, it’s probably not his call. But if it was my mom, or even my stepmom, I would be taking legal steps to prevent Ex from contacting SMIL. I hope that’s what happens, because it’s pretty obvious that Ex is still up to no good. She hasn’t been publicly clamoring for money lately, but she HAS been posting about her marriage possibly falling apart. If and when that happens, she will be looking for support. But then, given that she doesn’t work and #3 does, she obviously assumes she would be keeping their home. Maybe that won’t be the case. Hopefully, #3 has been watching and knows to hire a lawyer, rather than letting Ex settle everything.

I actually hope I’m wrong… but I don’t think I am. I suspect that Ex will keep asking and pressuring SMIL until someone stops her by making it clear that there will be legal issues to deal with if she doesn’t back off and crawl back under her rock.

Yesterday, I wrote this:

Leaving Twitter might make it harder to watch Ex, but you know what? That may not be a bad thing, either. I’m always going to be getting updates about her, regardless, whether or not I want them. As long as younger daughter is talking to us and her mother, we’ll continue to hear about her antics. And most of what she posts just makes me cringe and causes anxiety.

Aha… once again, I predicted correctly. I quit Twitter, and promptly got an Ex update, which prompted a prophecy that I predict could easily come true.

Standard

8 thoughts on “Sometimes, I think my name should have been Cassandra…

    • Well, it isn’t lost on me that posting about this might not be a good idea… except I no longer care if Ex reads this stuff. If reading this clues her in to the fact that we’re wise to her, so much the better. I would prefer this to sending her a letter from an attorney.

  1. I joined twitter a long time ago 2009/2010 because of epinions. They wanted us to share our reviews on epinions. However, I ended up not using it much. I took a seven year hiatus before logging in again. It turns out I can live without it.

  2. About all you can do is let Bill’s step-sister know what you think Ex is up to so she can be on guard. I know with Marc’s stepmother, it was so hard to run interference when she would say “I have my faculties and I won’t do it.” If Ex sells her on the idea, the only hope would be her daughter fighting it.

    • Yeah, he’s already told his half-sister about Ex. As for what he can do, personally, I disagree that it’s nothing. He wouldn’t necessarily be the person complaining to authorities, but he could help his sister pay for a lawyer. And actually, anyone who has knowledge of elder abuse can complain about it to the authorities.

      I don’t actually think SMIL would move unless she had dementia, or some other illness. She has never lived anywhere else but where she is, and that’s where all of her family is. But it pisses me off that Ex even tried this. She has incredible nerve.

      • That alone would probably keep her there. Even if there was some dementia a familiar place is always better than a new, strange place to live. We went through it with my SMIL where she would keep telling the doctors “I have all my faculties and I don’t want to do this..” and there was nothing anyone could do, even when she became homeless. It’s scary (and, well, that’s FLORIDA which explains a lot).

      • My dad also had dementia, so I have had some experience with it myself. In his case, there were times when he tried to escape his home. He got paranoid, or decided he wanted to take a walk somewhere. On at least one occasion, he was brought back to my mom by the police.

        Unfortunately, we have also had a lot of experience with Ex, and she can be very persuasive. So I don’t think I’m wrong to be concerned about SMIL, nor do I think it’s pointless to do something about it if Ex comes around, looking for money or gifts or whatever else. People have been letting Ex get away with this kind of crap forever. That’s why she continues to do it. She’s done it before to other people– everything from ripping off their money to, apparently, stealing prescription drugs (that was a new bombshell we recently discovered).

        My main point is, her actions are illegal and abusive, and it’s long past time someone, closer to her than I am, dealt with it. Maybe the cops or other authorities won’t care or take any real action, but at least if someone calls them, no one can say we did nothing.

        On the other hand, maybe I really shouldn’t give a shit. I might as well live up to the image some people have of me. And it’s not like anyone values my opinion, anyway… my MSW notwithstanding.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.