humor, music

All-beef Patty…

This has been a pretty low key Labor Day weekend. We usually try to go away when we have long weekends, and Labor Day is prime traveling time. We haven’t been on a Labor Day trip since 2018 because last year, we lost Zane over Labor Day weekend, and this year, there’s COVID-19, our recent big trip to Austria, Italy, and Switzerland, travel shaming (although none of my “friends” are brave enough to shame me yet), and the fact that Bill needs to build up more leave. Also, we’re hoping to have a new dog soon, and acquiring him will probably require some time off for Bill.

I did try to find somewhere close for us to go, as all of the formerly “safe” countries around us were turning red on the COVID-19 tracing map. But then it just seemed like a big hassle and expense that I didn’t care that much about. So I gave up looking, and settled in for a long weekend at home. I think today, we may venture to a store to see if we can find chairs for our TV room. On the other hand, going into the IKEA, especially while wearing a mask, is not very appealing to me. I hate IKEA under the best of circumstances. I don’t really like the Scandinavian style, the fact that we have to assemble everything, and the massive crowds of people in there– or the way people get herded through the show room. There are other furniture stores in Germany, of course. Maybe we’ll find one of those.

Anyway… sometime yesterday afternoon, after I’d done my guitar practicing for the morning and written a blog post, I headed downstairs. Bill was out back, sweeping the steps to the basement. Our house, like a lot of German houses, has a “mother-in-law” apartment, and there’s a separate entrance through steps to the basement. We have a tall fence around the backyard, though, so we never go in and out that way. The steps were full of detritus blown there by the wind. We also did some minor garden maintenance. Bill pulled up some very undeveloped carrots and picked some of the parsley he grew. Our zucchini plant was the big producer this year, and I don’t like zucchini all that much.

Then Bill made dinner. I had the music going, and while I was sitting there, I heard the opening strains of the song “Starfucker” by a duo called Folk Uke. Folk Uke consists of Amy Nelson and Cathy Guthrie. They are the daughters of Willie Nelson and Arlo Guthrie. They are also hilarious. One of my favorite songs by them is called “Shit Makes the Flowers Grow”.

Simple melodies, irreverent lyrics, and lots of cussing. My kind of music and my motto for living.

I didn’t hear “Shit Makes the Flowers Grow” yesterday, but I did get a mighty kick out of “Starfucker”.

Kind of a similar melody, with easy chords. I probably could play this myself.

The lyrics to this are just classic. Check them out…

[Verse 1]
They call her All-Beef Patty
She’s got her eye on my daddy
She’s comin’ at him like a trucker
She’s a starfucker

[Verse 2]
I’ve been trampled by the tramps
They’re not wearing any underpants
Ooh yuckers
Starfuckers

[Chorus]
Aim for the stars
Aim for the stars
Aim for the stars

[Verse 3]
Well, they’re trying hard to charm me
But they frighten and alarm me
They’re the salivation army
A bunch of starfuckers

[Verse 4]
And when you wish upon a star
Well, it makes a difference who they are
And you hope that they’re a sucker
If you’re a starfucker

I just want to hang out with these two and giggle. We’re about the same age. It seems like we have similar thoughts on life, too. Nowadays, if I don’t laugh and crack irreverent jokes, I might cry. Here are a couple more funny numbers by Folk Uke.

“Just get down on your knees…”
Cathy, I’m gay for you… Awww… But Cathy doesn’t share Amy’s ardor.

I would love to go to one of their shows. Sadly, the fucking virus has made it impossible for such merriment. This morning, I read about how a wedding in May, in which 65 people attended, caused over 140 new COVID-19 cases, which led to three deaths. Among the affected were residents in an assisted living facility and inmates in a jail, both many miles away from where the wedding occurred. An epidemiologist for the Maine CDC said COVID-19 is like glitter. You open it in the basement of your house and somehow, it ends up in the attic. Interesting analogy…

So I’m content to listen to Folk Uke videos instead. The song below has a bittersweet effect on me. This song was playing as we drove Zane to the vet last year for the final time. The melody is sad, but the lyrics are witty and loaded with zingers. Somehow, it seems fitting that this would play as we took Zane to the Rainbow Bridge. He was a funny dog. ETA: Actually, it was a different song that was playing– “Try to Say Goodbye”.

Cathy tells a funny joke at the beginning.

This year has sucked on many levels. It hasn’t totally sucked for me personally, but for the world at large, it’s been pretty bad. I’m glad Folk Uke is around to make me laugh randomly, when one of their funny little ditties ends up playing on my HomePod. I love that they don’t take anything seriously. More people need to be like that… although I hope they haven’t run into any male versions of All-Beef Patty.

Now… off to eat breakfast with my wild and crazy husband.

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humor, music

Some of my friends get me perfectly…

One of my friends from college shared this hilarious video with me, knowing that I would love it…

Someone commented that they’d never heard such filth coming out of Santa’s mouth…

It took some doing to figure out to whom I should credit this video. Looks like it was done by the guy who runs the rekording channel on YouTube. Chris Franklin wrote the lyrics. They are too funny. I think my favorite line is “it spreads faster than a hooker’s legs.”

As I was fucking around on YouTube, I heard him do another song… Check him out. He’s got chops!

Take a breath! Take two!

Just now, a brand new friend shared this with me…

I guess it’s obvious how profane and twisted I am!

Shit. Now I’m feeling inspired to write a song parody. Why not? It’s cloudy and we can’t go anywhere anyway. And music gets me in less trouble than rants do…

We are blessed to have plenty of toilet paper and wine… Bill made homemade ravioli last night. Maybe I’ll write about it on my other blog. Why not? Hope you all enjoy these numbers. If I find any more, I’ll add them to this post.

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