holidays, obits, politics, weather, YouTube

Winter has taken a big dump on Wiesbaden!

Pardon the uncouth reference to big dumps. In this case, I’m referring to snow. For the first time since we moved up here from Stuttgart five years ago, Wiesbaden has gotten significant snowfall in November. Because it was coming down like gangbusters yesterday, Noyzi didn’t get his usual walk. He was rarin’ to go this morning! Below are a couple of photos from last night. The snow fell steadily all day and into the night.

I put on a pair of new snow boots from Aran.com. Unfortunately, they aren’t exactly waterproof, and I felt some cold water on my toes and Noyzi and I made our round about the neighborhood. There’s still a lot of snow out there, and a little bit fell this morning. But it’s very slushy and messy now, as the stuff is melting already. It was a challenge to walk around the neighborhood, not just because of the thick, wet, slushy mess, but also because I was trying hard not to slip and fall. I don’t recover as quickly as I used to from unexpected falls, and I’d rather not have an Unfall while walking Noyzi, who’s still afraid of people he doesn’t know. The creek is really high now!

We managed to walk around the neighborhood successfully, and when we got home, I went in the backyard and knocked some of the snow off the one tree and the three bushes back there. It was weighing down the branches and actually broke one on the tree. That tree actually fell a couple of years ago after snow. I was sure it was a goner, but once we pruned some of the limbs, it sprang back to life. The other myrtle we had back there died mysteriously.

I feel like I’m behind right now… I have ordered some Christmas presents for Bill, but I feel like I need to order more. Of course, I don’t have to do any such thing. But there’s something about Christmas that just makes me feel like I have to engage in the ritual. I don’t know what to get for him, either. I think we’ve got too many cookbooks, but I’ll probably look for one, anyway. Ditto to barware and kitchen stuff… and small appliances. I hate to spend money on stuff we don’t really need. But I also hate the idea of not having anything to open on Christmas day, even though I also hate wrapping gifts and am not good at it at all. We’ll see what I come up with.

What’s even crazier is, just ten days ago, I was in Armenia, wearing sandals and sweating in long sleeved shirts. Armenia does get cold in the winter, but they were having a pretty temperate November. It was good for our visit, since it made looking around the city of Yerevan easier. But here in Germany, we’ve already got snow. Rain this time of year is typical, and snow probably used to be typical. It’s not anymore… at least not in Hessen.

I finished my Armenia series this morning. I hope it doesn’t offend anyone… but then, I write these things for myself, in my own unique voice. And anyone who knows me, and stays in my life, knows that I have a unique voice. Some people don’t know what to do with it. Other people find it refreshing.

One other thing happened yesterday. A guy I did a few duets with a couple of years ago resurfaced on YouTube. He played a really lovely Bob Dylan song. I left him a comment, so he visited my channel and noticed all the new stuff I have up, as well as my new videos that actually star me in them. 😉 It was good to see and hear from him, and it made me want to record something new. Maybe today, after my hair dries post shower, I’ll do something new on the channel. Then, it’ll be time to think about Christmas stuff. This time of year makes me a bit crazy… but it could be worse. I could be dealing with holiday drama. There’s little drama here. Just Bill falling asleep at 9:00 PM, and me wondering when I’ll finally get fed up enough with my stomach issues and see a doctor… something I truly dread doing.

Maybe soon, I’ll get back to writing about current events. It’s hard to get back into the groove of that, though. I shudder to think what will happen if Trump manages to get reelected. Or worse, someone younger, smarter, and more diabolical gets elected… UGH. That was one reason I told Bill last night that I don’t want to see a doctor. Because if that happens, I don’t think I want to stick around. That’s how strongly I feel about it. Naturally, that comment really upset him, and I’m sorry for that. But it’s how I feel. I think Trump will lead us to Hell.

And finally, I haven’t had the chance to reflect on Rosalynn Carter’s recent death. To be honest, I don’t have a lot of memories of Jimmy Carter’s presidency. I was very young when he was in office. I do remember them, though, because I remember Amy Carter, who wasn’t that much older than I was. I was 8 years old when Reagan became president, and Carter was elected when we lived in England. I do admire the strong partnership Rosalynn and Jimmy Carter had in their amazing 77 years of marriage. I think Jimmy Carter is a true humanitarian, and he and his wife walked the walk of good Christians.

I suspect that it won’t be long before Jimmy joins his beloved wife wherever souls go after their bodies die. If I’m going to say anything about the Carters, I’ll say that they were tremendous examples to the American people of what we all should strive to be. I know not everyone liked Carter’s policies– particularly people in the military. But I think he and Rosalynn have represented the best America has to offer, especially post White House. And I hope that the Carters have peace, comfort, and love during this time of mourning. It truly is the end of an era for their family.

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healthcare, politics

The people of Ohio have spoken up for women’s rights!

The day after Election Day is often very polarizing. I remember how some people were rejoicing in 2016 when Donald Trump won the presidential election. Other people, myself included, felt like going on a bender at the news of his ascension to the White House. In my opinion, the 2016 election changed everything… and in many ways, things got worse. Emboldened MAGA Republicans decided to screw around with rights we Americans have taken for granted for decades. Roe v. Wade was overturned, and suddenly, women of childbearing age became second class citizens in most states where people typically vote Republican.

Well… I was absolutely delighted this morning to read about the results of Ohio’s election. I took it as a sign that there are still people in the United States who have common sense and decency. I’m writing, of course, of the decision Ohio voters made to establish the right to abortion in their State Constitution. According to The New York Times:

Ohio voters resoundingly approved a ballot measure enshrining a right to abortion in the State Constitution, according to The Associated Press, continuing a winning streak for abortion-rights groups that have appealed directly to the public as they try to recover from the United States Supreme Court’s reversal of Roe v. Wade.

Issue 1, as the ballot measure is known, had become the country’s most-watched race in the off-year elections, as both parties try to gauge whether voter anger over the loss of the federal right to abortion could help Democrats in next year’s presidential and congressional races.

I am also greatly relieved to see that many of the people commenting on this issue are as delighted about it as I am. It’s a sign that most Americans do not want to see our country backslide fifty or more years by intruding in private medical decisions made by women about their own reproduction. I also realize that some people are very disappointed, because they truly believe that abortion is morally wrong. It may surprise some of my readers that I can empathize with that viewpoint. Personally, I find abortion horrifying. But I’ve also never been in a position in which I seriously had to consider having an abortion. I’ve never been pregnant.

I have never been pregnant, but I have always been practical. And I wholeheartedly believe that we must protect the rights of the already born over the unborn. The attempt to completely ban abortion has already had disastrous second and third order effects that I don’t think most people considered when they tried to impose draconian limits on the procedure.

I don’t think people who oppose allowing women to choose realize that banning abortion will lead to poorer healthcare for everyone. Why? Because doctors don’t want to work in states where they can be arrested for doing their jobs. OB-GYNs in red states like Texas, Idaho, and Florida are already leaving those states for places where they don’t have to fear prosecution for acting in the best interests of their patients. So already, women who live in states with strict abortion bans are going to have fewer doctors around to help them, not just when they’re pregnant, but also when they have other conditions that affect their health.

But while I haven’t done a lot of research on the emerging issues of physicians leaving red states over abortion, I’ll bet other doctors will leave, too. Because if state legislators can butt into women’s health, what’s to stop them from branching out into other specialties? And what about the medical schools in those states? The best and the brightest medical students won’t want to study in a state that ties their hands and threatens them with arrest over moral issues, largely influenced by politics and religion. Those who do go to medical school in red states might not want to become OB-GYNs in those states. Or, at least those doctors in training won’t want to train in those places, unless they are themselves anti-choice. I would think that mindset would inherently make them worse physicians, because their focus would be on the unborn, rather than the already born patient asking them for care.

Pregnancy can be dangerous or even deadly for some people. Physicians should have the right to be able to help their patients without worrying about being arrested and eventually incarcerated. Patients must have the right to privacy, without some politician’s ideology in the exam room with them. The United States, as a whole, already has way too many people in prison as it is. Incarcerating more people isn’t a good way to protect children. Banning semi-automatic and automatic weapons… now THAT is a good way to protect children!

I’m sure the decision to enshrine the right to abortion in Ohio’s State Constitution had at least something to do with that poor ten year old girl who was impregnated by her stepfather and had to go to Indiana for care. I’m sure many voters realized that a ten year old child isn’t equipped to maintain a healthy pregnancy. While her case isn’t necessarily the norm, the ugly truth is, children can and do get pregnant after they are victimized. They must be protected!

Other people likely voted for the measure because they realized that sometimes women need abortions for tragic reasons that are, quite simply, no one else’s business. Sometimes women have abortions because they will DIE if they don’t. And they should not have to explain that to anyone else, nor should they ever have to worry that they’ll be arrested for taking care of their own health. Imagine how absolutely horrifying it would be to learn that your much wanted baby has anomalies that are incompatible with life, then being FORCED to maintain the pregnancy.

I read some comments from some people who were concerned that protecting the right to abortion would lead to an erosion of parental rights. Some people don’t want minors to have the right to gender affirming care without parental consent. Others don’t want to allow minor girls to have abortion without parental consent. To that, I say that gender affirming care for minors generally doesn’t involve making permanent changes to their bodies. Frankly, I think it’s much better to provide that healthcare and support to minors who are transgender or non-binary, than ignore the issue and put them at risk of suicide. Either way, this is an issue that should be dealt with privately among the people involved, not politicians.

As for girls getting pregnant and having abortions without their parents’ consent, I would say that if your daughter is having unprotected sex without your knowledge, that’s a much bigger issue than the risk that she might get an abortion without your permission. I think we need to face facts and realize that teenagers are going to have sex. It should be up to parents to teach their children about sex, and how to avoid unintended pregnancies. But many parents typically do a terrible job at this task. They simply tell their teenaged children to abstain, or leave it up to the schools, which are governed by their communities.

Many educators in school systems will direct teenagers to abstain from having sex. Some of them will do that. I did. But plenty of others will have sex before they’re ready for it, and they will get pregnant. I would much rather see teenagers be able to access contraceptives and even abortion care than be at risk for doing something desperate, crazy, or stupid.

When I was a teenager, there was a well known case of a 17 year old girl named Becky Bell who got pregnant in Indiana. She asked about having an abortion, but was told that in her state, she needed either parental consent or a waiver from a judge. Not wanting to tell her parents about her condition, Becky considered her options. They included going 100 miles away to Kentucky for an abortion, carrying the baby to term and placing it for adoption, or running away to California. She feared asking a judge for permission to have an abortion because she didn’t want her parents to find out about the pregnancy.

Sadly, Becky decided to either self-abort or access an illegal abortion. The end result was that she got very sick with an infection, got pneumonia, went septic, and ultimately died on September 16, 1988. Her parents, Bill and Karen Bell, later lobbied against the parental consent law. They would have preferred that their beloved daughter have access to abortion without their knowledge or consent than what ultimately happened. They lost Becky forever because she couldn’t have healthcare privacy. This was a young lady who was on the brink of adulthood, anyway. If she’d been able to have an abortion without interference from uninvolved parties, she would still be alive today. But you never hear the pro life crowd talking about that. They just want to talk about the sanctity of life, and abstinence education. Why didn’t they care more about Becky Bell’s life?

Becky Bell’s story was later dramatized for HBO. That was how I heard about it. In 1992, she was the subject of Lifestories: Families in Crisis, “Public Law 106: The Becky Bell Story”. I remember the show vividly. I don’t see it posted on YouTube, but it looks like it can be accessed on HBO Max. Becky Bell’s story really hit home for me, because she was one of my peers. She wasn’t even a year older than me. I could have been in her shoes myself.

I think Republicans made a huge mistake when they decided to go after abortion rights. They’re going to find that this is an issue that will cause them to lose elections. I know I’m done voting for Republicans, and I also know I’m not the only one. In my case, it’s not just because of abortion, but abortion is one reason why I won’t vote for them anymore. I don’t have to worry about needing an abortion anymore, but there are people I care about who do. And also, I’m pissed off about the dreadful people in that party who seem to have lost all sense of decorum and decency.

I truly fear Donald Trump winning another election, although common sense tells me he won’t win. But then, I didn’t think he stood a chance in 2016, either. If he wins, he will do everything in his power to dismantle the Constitution, because he wants to be a dictator. And the people who support him are too stupid to realize that if he gets into power, they will lose their power, too. This isn’t about Republicans as a whole, either… it’s about Trump, who is the top Republican at the moment. Going after abortion– which I really think is more about keeping people in their places than caring about babies– was just the first step toward taking away freedoms for everyone. The United States is supposed to be a free country… but banning abortion is the height of government overreach that will have devastating effects on basic freedoms like healthcare privacy.

I think Ohio’s decision to enshrine the right to abortion will ultimately be a good thing for all Ohioans– including the unborn. Because they are going to find that people will move to their state… especially people who can provide good healthcare. They will find that doctors will want to practice in a place where they can do their jobs without fear of arrest. Bright young people will want to go to medical school in Ohio, because they can get all of the training they need to do their jobs. The military will want to do business in Ohio, because female service members will be able to access the healthcare they need and maintain military readiness. And fewer babies will be born to people who aren’t ready or don’t want to be parents. That will lead to less poverty, less child abuse, and fewer people needing welfare assistance from the state.

So, I say BRAVO to Ohio voters. I hope like hell that other states will follow suit and protect the right to reproductive healthcare privacy, although I fear that many Republican legislators red states will do everything in their power to keep the issue off their ballots. Imagine that… the Supreme Court says it’s a state issue, but the legislators in red states don’t want to risk making that decision. I’m shaking my head at that… and grateful I don’t have any descendants.

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healthcare, money, music, narcissists, politics, social media, Twitter, YouTube

“My husband has to work two full time jobs…”

It’s Thursday, which used to mean it was party night, when I was in college. But now every night is party night. 😉 I’m kidding, actually. Bill and I don’t party every night. We sit at our table and listen to selections from my huge music library, eat dinner, and drink wine and/or beer. We do a lot of talking, too. I’m grateful we have time for talking and listening to music as we quaff wine and beer. Maybe we should drink water instead of alcoholic beverages. It would be healthier and less expensive on many levels. But the fact is, we don’t do the “right” thing by avoiding booze.

Bill will be gone for about ten days starting Sunday. I will spend the time anticipating our trip to Armenia, and trying to teetotal. 😉 I usually do a pretty good job of teetotaling when Bill is gone. My main thing is that I have a tendency to get bored when he’s gone. Drinking beer helps pass the time. But I have downloaded some movies and a box set or two. I can use my empty evenings entertaining myself by catching up on movies and TV, and perhaps I’ll sing a couple of songs. I did a couple yesterday. I think they turned out quite well.

I finally learned “Jesse” yesterday afternoon. I’d been wanting to try it for a long time, but held off. I seem to have a knack for Roberta Flack tunes (although this was written by the great Janis Ian).
I’ve known this song for awhile, but finally decided to sing it when I noticed the rainy fall weather…

Someday maybe I’ll do something original. I’m getting noticeably better at playing guitar, although I have a long way to go before I’m fit for a public performance on YouTube. I have actually done a couple of songs with my mediocre playing, but not while I’m on camera. I think I need one of those mics that hang overhead, and that would require another VESA arm, which isn’t so easy to arrange when you have sloping ceilings. But anyway, maybe the day will come when I can arrange a live performance with singing and guitar… and maybe I will even write a song someday. That’s a not so secret goal of mine. I often say that something positive can come out of almost any situation, if you think long enough about it. COVID gave me the gift of guitar, as in, I finally got more serious about learning how to play. I know I would be a better guitarist if I had a real teacher, though. 😉

Anyway… about today’s title…

Today’s topic comes courtesy of Ex, who has been surprisingly civic minded lately in between her comments about Outlander. Before I get too deep into my commentary today, I will state that, on the surface, I actually agree with a lot of the stuff she posts. Somehow, she’s evolved from a conservative to a liberal… kind of like I have. I’m not sure how much of her political commentary is based on her true thoughts and feelings about things.

I’ve long suspected that Ex is a true narcissist, which means she tends to say whatever is going to get her the most fuel. And she tends to support whatever politics are going to benefit her personally. She seems to have become more liberal since she had her last child, a young man who will likely need help for the rest of his life. I can’t blame her for that, by the way. If you, or your family members need assistance, it makes sense to vote for people who might vote to provide that assistance. I’ve just noticed that her political views have dramatically changed in the years I’ve known of her. I can remember a time when Ex was a lot more conservative than she apparently is now.

Today, Ex seems to be all about voting blue, backing social justice warriors, and “wokeism”. In the past few days, she has let her liberal feelings be known to everyone on Twitter. She also has a history of repeatedly expressing a desire to move out of the United States. Most of the time, she’s posted that she wants to move to Scotland, although I don’t think she’s ever been there. But she also recently posted that she once had a desire to move to New Zealand. Alas, the New Zealand dream can never be realized. When the singer, P!nk, posted about people mistaking her Māori Poi flags for Israeli flags at her shows and getting threats, Ex chimed in with a comment about herself, revealing her former wish to move to the land of Kiwis and why that can never be…

This may be read by many Māori, so I’ll tell. I dreamed of living in NZ, only to learn autistic people are not welcome. My family can’t come, even to visit. I don’t think the Māori would approve of this discrimination. Seeking NZ & UK opinions only. As for war? I pray for PEACE.

Notice this comment has nothing to do with P!nk getting death threats over flags at her shows. It’s simply Ex’s complaints about perceived discrimination toward the people in her family who are on the autism spectrum. Once again, she’s making someone else’s post about herself.

Even though I rolled my eyes as I read it, I actually learned something new from Ex’s post. I didn’t know that New Zealand and some other countries won’t grant residency permits or citizenship to people with autism. I researched the issue, and learned that, at least in New Zealand, this rule is in place because of fears that people with autism would strain the healthcare system too much. I’m not sure Ex is correct about people with autism not being able to visit, as if you have a US passport, you can travel to countries that allow US citizens to visit. But it does appear that New Zealand and other countries will not grant permission for people to live there if there’s a chance they will strain the public health system. From the article (dated April 25, 2022):

“The current settings are not specifically discriminatory against disabled people, but instead focus on assessing the public health impact an individual will have,” said a government statement.

“The government values the contribution that disabled people bring to society and is always willing to take steps towards making New Zealand a non-disabling society. However, as this goal pertains to the current Acceptable Standard of Health (ASH) immigration settings, the government considers these settings appropriate.”

I can’t blame Ex for being attracted to New Zealand. It’s a beautiful country, based on what I’ve seen in photos and videos. I’d love to visit there myself someday. Unlike Ex, I will probably have the ability to do it. Besides having family members with autism who “can’t even visit”, Ex is perpetually strapped for cash. This isn’t a new phenomenon. It was also a problem when she and Bill were married, before autism was part of her life (our understanding is that older daughter didn’t have an official diagnosis until she was about 20 years old– long after she and Bill divorced).

Bill worked constantly to bring in money, taking jobs in factories, because that was what was available where they were living. Ex spent all their money on a wide variety of things– cars, landscaping, furniture, Disney plates, snacks from Swiss Colony, depression glass, and whatever else struck her fancy and temporarily bolstered her empty soul…

When I met Bill, he was broke, and his credit rating was in the toilet. Today, he has an excellent credit rating and little debt. He works at a job that pays well and is suitable for his talents, interests, and skills. Although he has dental insurance that will pay half, Bill can afford to pay out of pocket for the dental implant he’s about to get next month. He’s learned from past financial mistakes and repaired his credit. But Ex, apparently, is still broke. Last night, she posted this in response to someone’s comment about Mary Lou Retton crowdfunding her recent stay in the ICU.

And what are YOU doing to help make ends meet, Ex?

Here’s what I have to say about Ex’s comment. First of all, healthcare is NOT a basic human right in all places. It ought to be a human right, but the fact is, it’s not– especially in the US.

Unfortunately, in the United States, healthcare is a business, just like pretty much everything else is. Although changes are necessary, they will likely be very slow in coming. This is on account of our fucked up government, where people argue for weeks over who’s going to be Speaker of the House, rather than choosing someone expeditiously. I’d love to see politicians getting to work making policies that are good for the American PEOPLE, instead of making more money for the already rich. But that isn’t reality today.

In the United States, we have many non-profit healthcare organizations, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t businesses. It just means that their profits must be reinvested into the organization. I think Ex would like to see healthcare delivery services become a “not-for-profit” entity, which would mean that they are charitable organizations that don’t exist to make money, and the people working in them care only about the joy of healing and nurturing their fellow man.

But that concept also has its issues, as healthcare workers work very hard to get qualified to earn their credentials, have to pay high premiums for malpractice insurance, usually have lots of student loans, and demand to be paid well for what they do. To generate enough money and benefits to attract good people, healthcare systems have to make money. Otherwise, we’d have a whole lot more mediocre people going to medical school (which isn’t to say there aren’t some mediocre people in medical school now).

Many Americans are completely ignorant about how hospitals function, and they have fallacious ideas about how any changes to our system would affect them. Add in the fact that a large number of Americans never travel abroad and don’t experience healthcare outside of the United States. They think national healthcare will mean they won’t have any choices, and that our system will turn into a dystopian nightmare. So they keep voting for people who are focused on keeping things the way they are, which isn’t very sustainable for most people.

It’s kind of like how Americans resist moving away from the tipping model in restaurants. In other countries, restaurant workers are paid by the people who hired them. Yes, they get tips, but they don’t depend on them for their livelihood. Try to explain this to Americans, though, and they just don’t have a concept. I think it’s kind of the same for the prospect of changing healthcare. A lot of us would rather just stick with what we know, even though it sucks. So even when progress is made, it gets rolled back by the opposing parties, who want things to stay the way they are. 😉

Secondly, I am not surprised to read that #3 is working two full-time jobs (or perhaps just two jobs– she does embellish sometimes). He probably does work that much so they can “live”. But it’s not just because healthcare is so expensive that he does that. Based on Bill’s experiences being Ex’s #2 husband, I think there are several reasons why #3 has to work so hard.

  • Ex spends her money on all kinds of worthless crap. You only have to look at her Instagram to see this, but I also know from Bill’s and younger daughter’s stories.
  • She doesn’t save money or pay off debts in a timely manner, which means she winds up with emergencies she’s not prepared for, and gets socked with service charges and higher interest rates.
  • She has an extreme “live life in the present” mindset when it comes to money, and assumes things will somehow “work out” in the long run, which they never do. She easily justifies spending money she doesn’t have. Usually, that means her husband has to bust his ass at work, and it still won’t be enough. She will also berate him for not meeting her endless needs, so he’ll try to work harder to avoid that.
  • Ex doesn’t have a job, and though she gets lots of help with housework and taking care of her son from older daughter, she has legitimate expenses, like her recent ankle surgery and, perhaps, college tuition for their daughter.
  • Working two jobs gives #3 a refuge from Ex’s batshit craziness. I’m serious. It was true in Bill’s case. He lived for going on National Guard drill duty, because it meant getting the hell away from her for awhile.

What is especially telling about this situation is seeing how Bill was once in #3’s shoes, and now he’s doing quite well, financially speaking. When I met Bill, he lived on $600 a month, and whatever he could scrounge from per diem payments when he went on TDYs. It took us a few years to recover from the financial nightmare of his marriage to Ex. But now, he has plenty of money to meet our needs. If he’d stayed with Ex, he certainly wouldn’t have what he has now. She would have squandered the money in an attempt to impress other people or satisfy her bottomless pit of needs for shiny things. She also wouldn’t have let him succeed in the Army. She resented the Army for dictating where they would live and when Bill would be working. I don’t interfere with Bill’s work, so he’s been able to achieve and succeed, and he gets paid accordingly.

So… while I agree with Ex that our healthcare system is fucked, and needs to be reformed, I don’t believe her husband works so hard simply because of soaring healthcare costs. There are plenty of reasons why he’d even CHOOSE to work so much. Some of them have to do with escaping having to be around her. I just hope he doesn’t work himself into an early grave for her sake. I don’t like #3, but I dislike Ex even more. She’s not worth dying for.

Unfortunately, as Ex’s third husband, he’s already seen what she does when she gets divorced. #3 does have an advantage that his daughter is an adult and won’t be as easily alienated and manipulated as ex stepson and Bill’s daughters were. But his son with Ex will probably always have to live in the home, and if they split up, she won’t let him be involved in his life unless he lawyers up and forces her to cooperate. That takes a lot of money in the US, and it might not even work. Family courts are a crapshoot. He probably thinks it’s cheaper to keep her.

But anyway… those are just my thoughts as a longtime observer. I realize I could be wrong. I do wonder, though, now that #3 has been with Ex for so long, if he understands now why Bill so readily agreed when she demanded a divorce. Maybe he does when he has a spare twenty seconds at the urinal when he’s working, but my guess is that he doesn’t have much time for thinking about his situation. He’s in too deep. Poor sucker. /sarcasm

Well… I’ve got laundry to fold, carpets to vacuum, a dog to walk, and a guitar to practice. So I am going to end this long ass post. If you managed to read it and not think I’m an asshole, I thank you. See you tomorrow… if I survive today.

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mental health, narcissists, politicians, politics, psychology

The more I think about Enough…

Please excuse today’s title. I use a headline analyzer on this blog, which turns green when I come up with a “good” title for SEO purposes. I probably ought to ditch that particular blogging tool, because I think a lot of the headlines it thinks are “good” are actually crappy. Like, yesterday’s title, which is literally what the post was about, got a “yellow” rating rather than green. But I think yesterday’s title is better than today’s, because what you read is what you get. On the other hand, maybe the tool is pushing me to write cryptic titles for my blog posts.

I’m writing today’s post because I can’t stop thinking about Cassidy Hutchinson’s book, Enough. It’s not because I think it was a great book. I’ve read much better books. I’ve also read much worse books. It’s not the writing or even the basic story that has me so intrigued. I think it’s the bizarre phenomenon that propelled Cassidy Hutchinson into the position she’s in today that has me ruminating on her book.

I mentioned in yesterday’s review that I think Cassidy Hutchinson has some “daddy issues”. I believe part of the reason she fell into the MAGA movement is because she was seeking a connection with her father. I also think she might want to work on that with a psychotherapist.

I don’t mean to sound condescending, because I know my suggestion that Cassidy seek therapy probably comes off that way. I also want to make it clear that there is absolutely NO shame in seeking therapy. I’ve done it. Bill is doing it. It’s been absolutely life changing for Bill, and when I did it years ago, it was life changing for me, too. In my case, therapy helped me recognize and treat lifelong depression, which I now know is a genetic issue. I know this because I know others in my family have struggled with depression, and 23andMe even verifies that I’m at a higher risk of depression. In Bill’s case, therapy has helped him explore who he is, and ease the complexes he’s struggled with all of his life. He also really likes his therapist, just as I really like mine– although he’s now my friend, rather than my shrink. 😉

I am making this suggestion from a place of empathy. I’ve had dealings with narcissists and I know the damage they can wreak on a person’s psyche. If Cassidy Hutchinson was my friend, and we had the kind of relationship in which I felt I could be totally honest with her, I would strongly encourage her to see a psychotherapist. I would do so, even if her actual father wasn’t an extremely right wing MAGA nut.

I think being exposed to a toxic narcissist like Donald Trump for as long as she was can cause serious mental health issues. Add in the fact that she was raised by a man who insisted that his daughter be a “warrior” and berated her when she cried for legitimate reasons, and you have someone who has learned to suppress her own good sense in favor of the wants and needs of the crazy. There are quite a few examples of this behavior in Enough. Moreover, Trump was certainly not the only narcissist Cassidy Hutchinson had close dealings with during her work with the MAGA folks. Narcissists are masters of mind fuckery, and it can take some time and effort to unpack that shit. Trust me, I know firsthand.

At the beginning of her book, Cassidy Hutchinson thanks her stepfather, Paul, for being her “chosen father”. Based on her book, I would agree that Paul is a good man, and it’s good for her to lean on him. However, also based on her book, it hasn’t been that long since Cassidy realized that her real dad isn’t someone she can count on. In fact, at the very end of her book, she’s gone to his house to speak to him one last time, only to find that he’s vanished… and he never told her that he was going or where he would be. She then declares herself “free”. But I’m not convinced she is. Check out these passages from her book. I’ve bolded the toxic behavior from her dad.

In the very first paragraph in Chapter 1 of Enough, Cassidy Hutchinson writes about how she and her dog, Abby, waited for her dad to come home from work. She writes:

Barefooted, I sprinted down our long gravel driveway alongside Abby as the trucks came into sight. Dad led the caravan in his white 1992 Ford pickup truck. Slowing down, but not coming to a complete stop, he would open the passenger door for Abby and me to hop in. We would belt “Black Water” by the Doobie Brothers and Glenn Miller’s “Chattanooga Choo Choo” at the top of our lungs as we drove to the back of the property, where Dad rested the equipment for the evening.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 3). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

She explains that her parents weren’t big believers in doctors or hospitals, so her mother gave birth to her at home. They found a holistic midwife to help deliver Cassidy on December 12, 1996. She further explains that her mom is the eldest of seven. She never really knew her father’s family. Her mother’s mom was a very hard worker and taught her to look at things other people overlooked. Then, when Cassidy was four years old, her mother got pregnant with her brother, Jack. While she and her mother were snuggling in bed one night, Cassidy found out that her middle name was Jacqueline, after Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. I think it’s interesting that Cassidy was named after the wife of a legendary Democratic president, yet she fell into the Trump regime.

After 9/11, when she was five years old, Cassidy’s father took her turtle trapping. This was where she watched her dad and some friends obliterate a turtle in front of her. Cassidy was completely traumatized by what she watched them do, which was abject animal cruelty. She writes:

On our drive home, I told Dad I never wanted to go hunting again. Dad nodded. “That’s fine, Sissy Hutch,” he said. “But just so you know, warriors are not afraid to hunt. If you want to be a warrior just like Daddy, you must learn to hunt, Sissy. What you saw today is the circle of life.”

Dad always talked about how he was a warrior, and I wanted to be one, too. I knew how important it was to be a warrior. But I didn’t want to be a hunter, at least not yet. I decided to become a vegetarian.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 9). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Later, when it became clear that Cassidy’s parents were going to divorce, the idea of being a “warrior” was presented again, when Cassidy had an accident and her dad wouldn’t take her to a hospital.

Recently, I had been injured while I was in the yard with Dad and his employees. The yard was junked up with machines that Dad had taken apart to fix, but he had not gotten around to finishing the projects yet. I was out back with Abby and tripped over a machine part and fell on an old lawn mower blade.

Mom had begged Dad to take me to the hospital for stitches, which I probably needed. The cut was deep and bled more than I thought I had blood. Dad thought Mom was being ridiculous. Working with Dad made me stronger, and warriors don’t get stitches for little cuts and bruises. I was just happy that Dad still thought there was a chance I could be a warrior, even though I had decided to become a vegetarian after the turtle incident.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (pp. 11-12). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Cassidy’s parents said they were going to move to Indiana. Cassidy’s dad brought a moving truck to the house, but wasn’t around to help pack or load it. Cassidy writes:

…At one point, I saw Mom muscling our baby grand piano through the house on her own. I scolded Mom to stop—she was going to hurt herself, and that was a project Dad should do, since he was the strongest person in our family. Mom lowered the piano onto the ground and calmly walked over to me.

She was slightly winded as she told me that the biggest mistake a woman could make was to think she couldn’t do the same thing as a man.

Mom walked back to the piano before I could respond. I watched her maneuver that piano right out of the house and hoist it into the moving truck by herself. Mom repeated this process with every large piece of furniture we were bringing to Indiana.

Dad wasn’t the strongest person in our family after all.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (pp. 12-13). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

So… Cassidy has described her father as a man who doesn’t trust people in authority, abuses animals, abandons his family when they need him, and neglects his daughter’s medical needs. And yet, throughout her book, she continually goes back to him, hoping he’ll be someone different. She also describes other men she knows who are more forthright and responsible. Her dad doesn’t like guys in the military, and avoids Cassidy’s Uncle Joe, who is in the National Guard and has bravely fought for his country. But Cassidy admires him, and she enjoys life in Indiana with her mom’s relatives. Her father puts an end to that carefree existence when he declares that he can’t leave Pennington, New Jersey. They sold their new house in Spencer, Indiana and moved back to Pennington.

Cassidy dad, who had told her “warriors don’t cry” when five year old Cassidy watched him blow up a turtle and when she’d fallen and hurt herself due to his negligence, was sobbing over the idea of moving to Indiana. And there was Cassidy, consoling him… as if she was his parent.

Through the window, I watched Dad wringing his hands and sobbing. He walked over to the pool and laid flat on the diving board as he continued to cry. My heart hurt so much, I could not wait a moment longer to be with him, so I ran outside. I asked him what was wrong, but I could not understand what he said. Mom was frozen, like a statue, and did not say a word herself.

Eventually I understood enough of Dad’s words. He could not do it, he said. He could not leave Pennington, the only place he had ever called home, to move to Indiana. Dad’s chest was heaving as he tried to calm himself down. Mom went to tend to Jack, since I had irresponsibly left him alone inside to console Dad.

I sat on the edge of the pool next to Dad and dangled my feet in the water. I rubbed his leg and tried to reassure him that everything would be okay. We would never leave him behind in New Jersey.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (pp. 13-14). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

To add insult to injury, Cassidy’s parents had rehomed Abby before their temporary move to Indiana. She adds that she had lost many pets because of her dad and his whims.

When Cassidy was eight years old, her father presented her with a four wheeler. Her mother didn’t think it was a good idea, but Cassidy’s dad insisted that she needed to learn to ride. Without so much as a proper helmet (she had a bike helmet), Cassidy and her dad took off on their four wheelers. What could possibly go wrong?

Cassidy hit an ice patch and wound up pinned under the bike. Her dad came over to help her, then asked if she was hurt. When it turned out Cassidy hadn’t been seriously injured, he said:

“See, Sissy. You’re not hurt, you can move perfectly fine. Now, get up,” he ordered, as he kicked the bottoms of my snow boots again. I screamed that I hated him, and that surge of anger gave me the strength to get out from under the four-wheeler. As I staggered to my feet, Dad effortlessly flipped my four-wheeler upright.

I screamed again that I hated him. Dad did not say a word as he twisted my key back in the ignition, roaring the vehicle back to life. He told me to sit down. I was trying not to cry, but my face was so numb, I did not know how successful my efforts were. I sat down, and Dad started walking back to his four-wheeler. I screamed a third time that I hated him.

Dad turned around. There were two deep lines etched between his eyebrows, and I saw his jaw clench. Almost immediately, his expression softened, and a smile grew across his cheeks. “Sissy, I helped you. What would you have done if I wasn’t here?” he asked, in a syrupy tone. “Warriors are self-sufficient, Sissy.”

“I would not have been on this stupid thing if you were out plowing, where you should have been anyway!” I screamed. Dad spun around and stormed toward me. In one swift movement, Dad ripped my key out of the ignition and chucked it overhand across the field. “You better find that key before it gets dark, or you will not find it until spring,” he instructed. Then he stomped back to his four-wheeler and sped away.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 18). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

She easily found the key, but purposely waited before leaving. She didn’t want him to think she hadn’t had to look for the key. She worried it would set him off, or cause him to fight with her mother. Her dad worked for animal control and also started businesses, which often became projects for Cassidy’s mom. Later, he took Cassidy to the dump to search for treasures.

Cassidy writes that her father, who used to hate TV, got hooked on a new reality show, starring Donald Trump. He loved watching The Apprentice because he admired Trump, whom he claimed was a “warrior” who had built his multi-million dollar business from the ground up. She writes:

Dad fixated so much on Donald Trump. I wished he would pay attention to us like he did to The Apprentice. When I told Dad this, his dinner fork clamored across his plate and he said that Donald Trump was teaching him how to become a better businessman so he did not have to work as much. The other option, Dad said, was that he could stop working altogether. Dad didn’t think his family would like how suffering felt, and since he had worked so hard, we had no idea what it meant to suffer.

In a way, Dad was right. I did not know what it felt like to suffer—to worry about not having food in the house, or a warm home to sleep in. But I felt like we were suffering as a result of his absence. I wanted Dad to be at home with us—with his family. And I wanted Dad to acknowledge how hard Mom was working, too.

Dad was gone so much, and as Jack and I got older, it was clear to me how essential Mom was to our family. In my opinion, Mom’s work was far more important than his. But Dad was growing more sharp-tongued with Mom, and I did not want to spark an argument. When I was not at school, I tried to help Mom with household chores and caring for Jack to take any load off her that I could.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 21). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

It’s at this point in the book that I started to see how Cassidy Hutchinson was the perfect candidate for Trump’s administration. She’d been groomed from childhood to take abuse from men who were important in her life. Her father worshiped Trump, and she missed him, even though he was abusive, neglectful, and batshit crazy. So it makes perfect sense that Cassidy would come to adore Trump, too. Loving Trump was a way for her to connect with her dad.

There are more stories about Cassidy’s dad and his abusive and neglectful parenting style. Cassidy clearly loved her father in spite of his unpredictable behavior and insistence on turning her into a “warrior”. She worked very hard in an effort to appease him. But her efforts never seemed to be enough for him. As his antics became more bizarre and sickening, Cassidy writes that she’s started to realize he’s toxic– especially when he gives her and her brother two deer hearts, both still warm and dripping with blood.

When she was in high school, Cassidy’s mother went away for the weekend with Paul. She was taking care of her brother while her friends were spending the night. She was feeling sick, with a pain in her gut. Her mom told her to call her dad, who offered to perform surgery on her. Cassidy drove herself to the emergency room. She writes:

Not much time had passed when the doctors determined that I needed an emergency appendectomy. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital room with Mom and Paul standing over me. Mom was sympathetic at first, apologizing profusely for not listening to me sooner. But then her temper flared. She said that I had been reckless for driving myself to the hospital in my condition and that I should have called Dad. I needed to be less stubborn, she said.

I wanted to tell her that I had called him, but there was no point. It wouldn’t change what had already transpired, and I didn’t want Mom to feel bad. Plus my story was much more fun to tell because of it.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 33). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

When she got waitlisted at Gettysburg College, she thought about taking a gap year. But then she visited her Uncle Joe in Stuttgart, Germany. That’s when she decided to go to Christopher Newport University:

Late one night when we were visiting Joe and Steph in Stuttgart, Germany, Joe crept into the bedroom that Mom, Jack, and I shared and motioned for me to follow him outside. He asked if I was considering a gap year because it was what I wanted, not Mom. I considered his question before shaking my head no. He nodded, and then asked if I had heard where his next duty station was: “Williamsburg, Virginia. Fort Eustis. Didn’t you apply to a school near there?”

I had. Christopher Newport University.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 35). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

I feel it’s important to note– Fort Eustis is in Newport News, which is also where CNU is. Newport News is a very different place than Williamsburg is. 😉

At her high school graduation:

Dad was standing outside the fence with a few of his buddies. “Sissy Hutch graduated high school!” he shouted, and whistled loudly to summon me in his direction. I cringed, and with a glance appealed to the rest of my family. And then I walked over to Dad.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 35). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

All I’ve written about so far is just from the first part of Enough. The rest of the book is a study of what happened to Cassidy after she finished high school. There are many stories of her calmly accepting what men tell her she should do– everything from getting blonde highlights in her very dark hair (one of Trump’s suggestions) to ignoring mask mandates during a dangerous pandemic. Some of the men she encountered were good people with her best interests at heart. But a lot of them were selfish and abusive– highly polished versions of her father. And it just seems to me, reading Enough, that Cassidy was searching for some kind of bond with them… a substitute for her real father, who is clearly not a well man. This paragraph kind of sums it up for me:

Hundreds of Trump supporters gathered outside the airport gates, but my eyes locked on just one. Dad. He was wearing his formal clothes—a purple Ralph Lauren polo, dark wash jeans, and sneakers. His hair was neatly combed and thick with pomade. One of his arms was extended toward the sky, waving dramatically. He held his cell phone in his other hand, video-recording the motorcade. Our SUV rounded the corner, and I was close enough to see the lines on his face, the divot and tan line on his ring finger. I saw pride in his wide smile, too. Pure pride.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 160). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

She continues:

Most of the cars and supporters had cleared out, including Mom. But not Dad. He was still there, still smiling, still waving frantically at the motorcade. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that my mouth filled with the metallic taste of blood.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (pp. 160-161). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

And…

Throughout the day, Dad sent me dozens of texts with videos of the motorcade, pictures of homemade signs people had brought, voice notes saying how proud he was of me, and that he wished he had seen me through one of the windows. “My Sissy Hutch, the Apple of My Eye, with the President… you work so hard, Sissy…,” one message read.

We were flying to our final rally of the day when I received one last video from Dad. It was of the C-17 aircraft that transports the motorcade vehicles, taking off against a stunning sunset. I stopped watching it when I heard Dad sniffle and begin to talk. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. In a way, I preferred his cruelty. I was proud of the life I was building, but I couldn’t risk contaminating that life with the confusing, conflicted reality of my past. He had never shown up before, I reminded myself.

But he had that day. For a moment, I acknowledged that the shame I felt was not Dad’s fault, nor was it Mom’s. I was desperate to fit in the world that I had worked hard to become a cherished member of, but below the surface I felt displaced and undeserving. I did not know how to marry the two worlds I loved dearly: the world I came from, and the world I now lived in.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 161). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

On January 6th, Cassidy is still planning to move to Florida. Her mother begs her to reconsider her move. She writes:

I feel physical pain when I see the Capitol dome as I cross the bridge into Washington. I want to scream, but I feel paralyzed.

I don’t turn on any lights when I enter my apartment. My body is on autopilot as I walk from my front door to the living room. I collapse onto my couch, staring at the ceiling. I feel my cell phone vibrate. It’s Mom and Paul.

Mom is crying. She’s begging me not to move to Florida. Paul interjects, trying to defuse the argument before it begins. He doesn’t realize how little I care, how far gone I am.

My tone is flat, uninflected. “I have to go. I’ve already committed. The boss needs good people around him. The only reason today happened is because we let bad people, crazy people, around him. I need to try to fix—”

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 219). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Cassidy still thinks it’s the people around Trump who have caused this mess. And worse, her savior complex, coupled with plain old egotism, cause her to think she can FIX Donald Trump, when other people, presumably older and wiser, couldn’t. She continues:

“Cassidy. Listen to yourself.” My mom’s tone shifts to parent mode, and I dissociate even more. “This isn’t you. You know better than this. You can’t fix him. You know you shouldn’t go. Listen to me, Cassidy. Listen to me…”

I hang up and put my phone on Do Not Disturb. Heavy, loud sobs escape from my chest. I have to go, I have to go…

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 219). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

Even though Cassidy has seen the horrors of January 6th and they make her “sick”, she thinks that she can make it better and than Trump needs her. She doesn’t think of what she needs. It’s the same kind of thing she experienced with her father. She doesn’t seem to realize that she can only fix herself, and that is what she should focus on.

At the end of the book, Cassidy seems to have come to a conclusion about her dad…

Dad was never very fond of holidays, even when I was young. But for some unknown reason, there have been certain holidays when I’ve felt compelled to check to see if he was home. There was never a holiday I found him at home. I never knew where he was, but I also never asked. And I never told him I did this.

The pragmatic and optimistic scenarios were the same, year after year. His truck would either not be in the driveway or it would be. If it wasn’t, I would keep driving. If it was, I planned to stop, and hoped he would welcome me inside.

On Thanksgiving Day 2022, my optimistic scenario was that his truck would be in the driveway, and that he would agree we could talk.

As I approached the house, the first thing I noticed was not that his truck wasn’t in the driveway. I noticed that other cars were.

And a U-Haul. And small children.

I slammed on my brakes in front of the house, unsure what to do.

But what I had to do was clear. I had to keep driving.

I drove until my breath choked my lungs.

He left without notice, without a goodbye or a new mailing address.

He was gone.

I stopped the car and let my tears fall, until no more remained.

Hutchinson, Cassidy. Enough (p. 352). Simon & Schuster. Kindle Edition.

I’d like to remind everyone that, as of this writing, Thanksgiving 2022 was less than a year ago. Moreover, Cassidy Hutchinson has been through a lot since June 2022. So, if she was a friend of mine, I think I would tell her that she might like to seek therapy. I think it would do her a world of good. And I think it’s too bad she didn’t consider joining the military to become an officer. She seems very well suited to the work. She has a strong work ethic, a sense of right and wrong, and a willingness to put up with a lot of shit, particularly from men. She’s approachable and works well with others. Apparently, she’s willing to work for low pay, too.

In a weird way, I see some similarities between Cassidy Hutchinson and Monica Lewinsky. They were both young, ambitious, brunette women with significant issues with their parents, who eventually got tangled up in scandals with US presidents. Granted, Monica grew up with a lot of privilege– much more than Cassidy had. But if you read up about her upbringing, you find evidence that her father was abusive and neglectful. They both worked in the White House, got close to very powerful people, and wound up fodder for the paparazzi. I may have to explore this more in another post. This one has gone on long enough. 😉

Anyway, I hope Cassidy Hutchinson does get some support in the wake of publishing her book. I think she’s going to need it. Especially if Trump winds up finally being held legally responsible for all he’s done.

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book reviews, politics, Trump

My review of Enough, by Cassidy Hutchinson…

A very good Friday morning to you all. As I sit here listening to old songs from the 70s and 80s, I’m thinking about today’s blog post, a review of Enough, Cassidy Hutchinson’s much anticipated book about her work with disgraced former POTUS, Donald Trump. Hutchinson’s book was published September 26, 2023. I usually don’t pre-order things on Amazon, but I see I ordered Enough on September 25th. I didn’t start reading it until a couple of weeks ago, and I’ve been making a concerted effort to get through it. I must admit, it hasn’t been the easiest book to read, but I also can’t read as fast as I used to, when my eyes were better.

Like so many people, I was shocked and amazed when I heard Cassidy Hutchinson’s extraordinary testimony to the January 6th Committee. I was also interested in her on a personal level, as she is a graduate of Christopher Newport University in Newport News, Virginia. I grew up near Newport News, and CNU (called CNC when I was college age) has come a really long way since I was Cassidy’s age. When I heard that Cassidy Hutchinson came from Pennington, New Jersey, I was even more intrigued. When I was growing up, CNU was sort of considered a glorified community college. It had no dormitories, and a lot of the people I knew who went there were going because it was close to home and relatively inexpensive. But it’s really grown by leaps and bounds, and Cassidy Hutchinson has kind of put the school more on the map.

It’s also no secret that I DESPISE Donald Trump and his cronies. Anyone who tells the truth about his criminal behaviors and outright lies to the American people is alright with me. Or, at least that’s how I felt when I started reading Enough. Now that I’ve finished reading it, my feelings about Cassidy Hutchinson are a bit more complicated. I still think she is a brave woman who has ultimately done a huge service for the American people and, perhaps, even the world. But by the time I reached the end of her book, I realized that what she did, she mostly did to save her own skin… and that doesn’t necessarily make her heroic.

It’s not that I blame Cassidy for cooperating with Liz Cheney and the rest of the committee seeking to hold Trump responsible for what happened on January 6th, 2021. It was the right thing for her to do, morally speaking. It was also the practical thing to do, as she didn’t have the money for a decent lawyer. If she hadn’t cooperated, Cassidy Hutchinson would likely be in as much legal hot water as her former bosses are right now. But based on her book, I’m left with the impression that if Trump and his cronies had thrown her more of a bone– hadn’t labeled her as a “leaker” and turned on her– she would still be toeing the party line and parroting their talking points. I truly do hope that she’s come to her senses, at least about Trump.

Enough also includes some rather distasteful anecdotes from Cassidy Hutchinson’s childhood that, honestly, really turned my stomach and made me question some of her claims. At the beginning of the book, Hutchinson writes about her parents and her brother. She writes of how her family almost moved to Indiana and her mother had single handedly moved a baby grand piano by herself. As someone who owns a very heavy spinet piano that is in storage, I HIGHLY doubt that (it takes a couple of men to move my spinet, which is a much smaller instrument than a baby grand is). Cassidy’s father eventually decided that he couldn’t leave Pennington, New Jersey. So, just like that, the new house in Indiana was put on the market and they moved back to New Jersey. I suppose it could have happened that way, but I think there must have been much more to the story. And no matter what, I don’t believe that Cassidy’s mom moved a baby grand piano by herself.

According to her story, Cassidy Hutchinson’s father is a complete batshit crazy right wing conspiracist. He always spoke of her being a “warrior” and reminded her that warriors don’t cry. He’d go hunting and fishing, and Cassidy wanted to join him. One time she did, and watched in horror as her father obliterated a turtle with his gun. After her parents divorced, Cassidy’s dad sent her and her brother deer hearts that still dripped with blood. Not surprisingly, Cassidy’s father loves Donald Trump, and it was a tremendous source of pride to him that his daughter worked for Trump. I sense that part of the reason she identifies so much with Republican politics has to do with wanting to connect with her father, whom she admits was never a good father to her. She even outright writes that she now sees her stepfather, Paul, as more of a “dad” to her than her biological father ever was.

Like her father, Cassidy Hutchinson had also adored Donald Trump. She even put it in those terms, even though she admitted that he often behaved in a way that wasn’t presidential. I can excuse Cassidy somewhat for being young and naive, and I think maybe a bit starstruck. I also get the sense that Cassidy truly was very ambitious and really wanted to get into politics. She writes repeatedly that she thought of what she was doing as serving her country, and she demonstrates a real knack for working with people, even when they are insufferable. And yet she laughed at some of Trump’s antics, and admitted to becoming “inured” to some of his worst and most criminal behaviors. She ignored blatantly unethical and illegal actions by Trump and others in his administration. She had even committed to staying on Trump’s team until the very end, and even afterwards, when he went back to Mar-a-Lago.

It wasn’t until it became clear that Cassidy Hutchinson wasn’t going to be welcome in Florida that she started to change her tune. And then when she got served with a subpoena by federal marshalls, she realized that she was potentially in big trouble. What ended up happening is that she became loyal to their people who were willing to set her up with competent legal counsel. Fortunately, they were better people than Trump and his allies.

I took a look at Amazon’s reviews of this book. A lot of people seemed to love it. I can understand why. It was pretty awesome to hear Cassidy Hutchinson spill about working with Donald Trump and Mark Meadows. They screwed her over and wildly underestimated her. I love to see narcissistic creeps like Donald Trump and Mark Meadows get a much deserved comeuppance when they underestimate people they think can do them no harm. That part of the book– I won’t lie– is VERY satisfying.

However, I don’t think Cassidy realizes that a couple of the main reasons she was chosen for her job have to do with the fact that she’s young, very attractive, and, at least as a fresh, idealistic college graduate, easily impressed and pliant. I highly doubt Cassidy Hutchinson would have landed in her position if she had been a little bit older, wiser, and less fresh and beautiful. She was initially very loyal, trusting, and trustworthy, willing to work long hours for apparently low pay, take orders without question, and look pretty while doing so.

It’s true that Cassidy Hutchinson turned out to be much more capable than people realized. I just think it’s kind of sad that it took her so long to see the writing on the wall. My comments about Cassidy’s looks aren’t meant as a slam on her, by the way. It’s just that I’ve noticed that most of the women working in Trump’s administration had eye appeal, and that seemed to be every bit as important as their savvy and actual qualifications for the job.

If it weren’t for Liz Cheney hooking her up with lawyers who were willing to work pro bono, Cassidy Hutchinson would probably be living in Florida, still trying to advance Trump’s cause. Or, at least that’s the impression I got from reading her book. When it came down to it, her decision to cooperate with the January 6th Committee seemed to have a lot more to do with her not having enough money for a good lawyer, and not wanting to face legal repercussions, than actually doing what was right for the good of the country.

But… the most important thing is, in the end, Cassidy Hutchinson DID do the right thing and testify against Trump and his cronies. For that, I’m very grateful to her. I wish her the best of luck, though, especially if she intends to stay Republican. It may be a very long time before Trump is washed out of our political system. Right now, the Republican Party seems to be infected with Trump loyalists. Cassidy Hutchinson may find herself with a very tough row to hoe if she plans to stay involved with politics. She does seem to have a good friend in Liz Cheney, though, and maybe Cheney will be her saving grace. I don’t agree with Liz Cheney’s politics at all, but I do think she’s much more forthright and honest than Trump is. She’s more like the kind of Republicans I grew up with, back in the dark ages.

One other thing I want to mention about Enough is that it’s written in historical present tense, which I found kind of awkward and annoying. It reminded me of when I used to write papers for my English lit classes in college. I think I would have preferred Cassidy Hutchinson’s story to be written in past tense, as if she were telling the story in person. But that’s just a personal preference. Other people might not notice it or care. I do think the book would have been better if she had written it with a ghost writer, or at least a competent editor. Her writing isn’t bad, but it could use some polishing and tightening… and maybe fewer references to the many alcoholic drinks she consumed toward the end of her time in Trump land.

Overall, I think I’d give Enough 3.5 stars. I truly appreciate Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony, and some of the anecdotes in her book are illuminating and entertaining. Some are even funny– especially when she writes about Mark Meadows unwittingly taking his first alcoholic drinks in front of a devout Mormon staffer. However, some of her stories seem a little like stretches of the truth. I don’t like her use of historical present tense. The book could use some editing. And I think she might be kidding herself somewhat, trying to come off as this virtuous, caring, savior, when what she was actually doing was saving her own skin (not that I blame her for that, mind you). Still, I have certainly read worse books by people involved with the Trump administration. John Bolton’s boring snorefest comes to mind.

I will recommend Cassidy Hutchinson’s book, Enough, for the interested, and I wish her much luck and success in her future endeavors. Above all, I hope she stays safe. Unfortunately, there are some very dangerous people out there who remain loyal to Trump. I’m sure some of them wouldn’t think twice about coming after anyone who threatens their orange dear leader.

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