healthcare, law, politicians, politics, poor judgment

Lindsey Graham proposes a federal 15 week abortion ban… so much for states’ rights!

A few months ago, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, much to the delight of conservatives. Finally, the abortion issue was going to be settled by the states! And those in red states, like Texas, Mississippi, Alabama, and Arkansas could finally look forward to not allowing abortions for ANY reason. It was one more tool for males to control females… or, those who are able to give birth.

But then, usually red state Kansas had an election, and voters there turned out en masse to protect the human right for the already born to have an abortion. Suddenly, Republicans realized they’d royally fucked up with their overreaching plan to eliminate the right for people to choose for themselves whether or not to be pregnant and give birth. Besides that, there were many awful stories from women who needed to access abortions for legitimate healthcare reasons and were being denied. Some women’s doctors were sending them home to get sicker when their patients were miscarrying, because the doctors didn’t want to be arrested or sued. And some physicians were even calling lawyers before offering standard treatments.

The most troubling and awful story of all, though, came just days after the overturn caused the state of Ohio to ban abortions. A ten year old CHILD was raped by her stepfather and forced to go to neighboring Indiana to get a very necessary abortion. At first, conservative pundits scoffed at the story, thinking it was fake news put out for political reasons. But, soon enough, it became clear that the story wasn’t fabricated. Sadly, the attorneys general in Ohio and Indiana were too narcissistic to admit that policies against allowing abortions were going to ruin or potentially end people’s lives. Instead of examining bad policies, they vowed to go after the female physician who provided healthcare to the ten year old who was pregnant through no fault of her own.

Savvy Republicans have finally also started to notice that people are pissed off enough about this egregious affront against the already born, that those who usually vote third party or Republican are voting for Democrats who have vowed to protect abortion rights. Crazy Trump supported candidates are winning their primaries, but losing general elections– see Sarah Palin’s recent disastrous run in Alaska. And so, Republicans who used to have anti-choice language on their Web sites are silently scrubbing them of any evidence that they are against allowing pregnant people the right to choose. They KNOW that abortion is one of those bipartisan issues, and they are finding out that their little stunt in overturning Roe v. Wade is backfiring spectacularly. And… they are now finding out, way too late, that allowing Trump to be the Republican candidate in 2016 has completely ruined their political party. It’s now been taken over by extremist MAGA asshats whose policies don’t work for most rank and file Americans.

South Carolina’s Senator Lindsey Graham, a man who is not married and never fathered any children, has decided to address this abortion fiasco by proposing a federal abortion ban. In the past, Graham had championed legislation that would outlaw abortions after 20 weeks. Now, he wants a FEDERAL abortion ban at 15 weeks. On the surface, this may seem okay to some people, since most abortions happen well before the proposed 15 week limit. At least it’s not a total ban, right? However, this bill does nothing to address the unreasonable and dangerous abortion bans that are currently law in many red states across the nation. What Graham’s legislation would do is make it federal law that abortions aren’t allowed after 15 weeks, except in certain cases, EVEN in states where abortion is currently allowed. So much for letting the states decide, eh? According to Slate magazine:

Unfortunately, many genetic and physical defects can only be detected after the 15th week of pregnancy. As The 19th reported in August, the earliest point when doctors can detect anomalies is between 15 and 22 weeks, when scans show fetal organ structures. Certain abnormalities detected at this stage, like Trisomy 18 and anencephaly, render fetuses “incompatible with life,” meaning they will die during birth or shortly thereafter. At most, if carried to term, these children will live just for hours or days in immense pain. And continuing the pregnancy often puts the patient at heightened risk of medical complications.

The lack of an exception for fetal anomalies in Graham’s bill is intentional. For years, the anti-abortion movement has sought to outlaw abortions due to fetal “disability.” Before the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, at least nine states had passed these bans. Three states also gagged doctors from even raising the possibility of termination with patients after diagnosing fetal abnormalities.

What really pisses me off about this plan is that, yet again, conservatives are pushing a narrative that late term abortions are rampant and done for convenience. That simply isn’t true. First of all, later term abortions are rare. Secondly, I won’t say there aren’t people out there who want a second or third trimester abortion because they’ve changed their minds about having a baby. There might be one or two people out there in the world who actually are that cruel and crazy. What I will say is that the vast majority of people who need later term abortions are folks who desperately wanted their babies, but found themselves in devastating medical situations that forced them to make a terrible and heartbreaking choice. Nothing about having a late term abortion is fun or convenient. Any legislation that addresses the so called “wanton sluts” who slaughter their almost viable babies in utero, just because they’re murderous, is just a bullshit conservative narrative.

No one who is in that situation– where either the mother or the developing fetus is desperately ill and facing death due to pregnancy– should have to explain to anyone else why they are choosing abortion. It is NO ONE else’s business. And no, we don’t need Lindsey Graham to ride in on a white horse and come up with an extremist federal abortion ban, especially since he is rumored to prefer the company of other men over women. I don’t understand why so many people are focused on abortion, when there are so many other problems in the world that affect people who have already been born. Why not focus much more attention on agendas like inflation, healthcare access, public safety, and international relations? You know– things that affect everybody?

Why don’t lawmakers listen to actual physicians about this issue? Mama Doctor Jones tweeted this just this morning:

Because people are pointing out medical emergencies that necessitate abortions– and YES, treatment for ectopic pregnancy is ABORTION– some “pro life” people are getting confused. Abortion is not a dirty word. Sometimes, it even happens naturally.

Another fair point by Mama Doctor Jones.

Not that I am upset that a lot of Republicans are facing uphill battles in their upcoming elections this year, but some of them need to realize that most people aren’t completely stupid. Taking away other people’s rights to choose, especially when planned or unplanned pregnancy is a condition you’ll never have to face, is just a bad idea. This summer, we’ve already seen the terrible unintended aftereffects of abortion bans. It’s only going to get worse. I think a lot of people who have given serious thought to this issue, for themselves, loved ones, or just people in general, have realized that this is an issue that politicians simply need to stay out of. Especially when they are Lindsey Graham. I don’t think he did his party any favors with this proposed federal legislation. It’s not going to pass, and it makes him look like an uninformed jackass. I’m glad to see that some people are finally seeing the light and voting accordingly. Sadly, some people are changing their minds, because they have been personally affected by the abortion bans. And some of those folks are people who were once vehemently “pro life”, but learned firsthand why being able to access abortion HEALTHCARE is essential for their own well-being.

I think it might be time for Mr. Graham to retire. Maybe his fellow Republicans will do what they can to convince Graham to find his next passion in life.

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blog news, healthcare, poor judgment, true crime, videos, YouTube

Did the ‘rona finally get me? It’s not clear at this point…

This is probably going to be a short post, because I’ve already written a travel post and I have a splitting headache. My nose is running; I’m coughing and sneezing; and I threw up breakfast (due to coughing). I don’t have a fever, body aches, or exhaustion at this point. I can also still smell and taste things. I just feel like I have a bad cold. We did a COVID test last night. It was negative. So far, Bill has no symptoms of whatever’s got me.

I don’t know if this is COVID-19. We’ll probably test again later to see if I have a positive result. If it is COVID-19, I am grateful to be vaccinated. This shit sucks… but it’s not as bad as the last flu I had, in which I felt like I was dropped off a building and run over repeatedly by a truck. I’m also grateful that we made it home before I started feeling sick. If I have to feel like warmed over shit, I prefer to be in my own bed.

I actually slept pretty well last night, and woke up feeling slightly more energetic, except for the headache. The most annoying thing about this is that my nose is running constantly. I feel like I have to hold a tissue to my nose all the time. That, and the coughing fits that make me puke. That’s not unusual for me, though. I normally cough a lot because I have cough variant asthma caused by allergies. If I had itchy eyes, I would almost assume this was allergies.

Even if I do now have COVID, though, I figure it was only a matter of time. Unfortunately, I think COVID is one of those bugs that is going to get everyone at some point. Just like everyone occasionally gets colds and, to a lesser extent, the flu, I think COVID is going to be one of those sicknesses that spreads to the masses.

Anyway… even though I could probably rant about something today, I just don’t feel like it… so I’m just going to leave this post at that, and go enjoy my clean sheets. I’m grateful I had enough spunk to at least freshen those up a bit. And I’m super glad we bought an air conditioner for the bedroom a few years ago. It would really suck if I had to be sick and swelter in the heat… which isn’t so bad today, but the house is holding heat from the past few days.

Maybe I’ll find something crazy or funny enough to blog about… Actually, for now, I would encourage those who enjoy cop bodycam videos to check out this one. It’s classic– and it’s not safe for work, because there’s a lot of yelling and cussing. But I sure laughed watching it, and had to see it twice. I’ll probably watch it again in an attempt to get some endorphins going. These cops are to be commended for not losing their shit on this guy. Seriously… they have to deal with some very disrespectful people!

This guy is really too much.

And just in case I do have ‘rona, I’m going to stay inside and hope Bill can walk the dogs later.

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healthcare, law, politics, poor judgment

Roe v. Wade may soon be a thing of the past…

It may come as a surprise to a lot of people who take the time to read my blog posts, but in the wake of the leaked draft of the Supreme Court’s opinion on overturning Roe v. Wade, I find myself strangely numb. I’ve been writing about my thoughts and opinions about the importance of abortion rights for ages, and some of my posts on the subject have been pretty impassioned. I don’t have much to add to my opinions on abortion at this point. All I can do now is offer some observations.

Even though I’ve been on vacation, and we’re headed home today, I have been paying attention to comments made on overturning Roe v. Wade. I think many of the pro-life crowd are shortsighted, at best. Many of them are appallingly ill informed about women’s reproductive systems. Too many people are fixated on the financial aspects of child raising. For instance, I’ve seen a lot of people commenting about how much fairer it will be when women aren’t allowed to choose abortion. One woman poster wrote about how “unfair” it is that a woman can either choose to continue a pregnancy and force men to pay child support, or have an abortion, and deny the man a chance to be a father. Once again, all I can do is shake my head at the idiocy… Does this woman really think that pregnancy is a 50/50 deal?

And I’ve seen a lot of comments from men about “beautiful babies” being slaughtered by irresponsible women who “let themselves get pregnant”. As if they had NOTHING to do with her condition, whatsoever! And so many of them seem to think that women, alone, should be dealing with contraception. I don’t know about other women, but it’s been my observation that more often than not, men are the ones who want to have sex. Many women enjoy sex, but some of them merely tolerate it. And some people, myself included, would be fine with never having sex again.

It would really serve some of these “rights denying” men right if women decided to have a sex strike. I mean, those of us who don’t care about having sex that much. Why not just stop obliging the men? They are so concerned about the sanctity of life, the fairness of child support, the plight of developing fetuses, no matter the condition of the already born mother whose body has been taken up residence in… Why not do the responsible thing and just stop having sex with them? It would serve some of these assholes right, in my opinion.

But it will probably never happen…

I am so grateful that the women before me fought for my right to choose. I have never been pregnant myself, and I doubt I would have chosen to have an abortion if I had gotten pregnant. However, I can’t say that for sure. I’m glad that women before me were brave enough to push for my right to have an abortion if it suited me. And now that it looks like Roe v. Wade could soon be history… I will do what I can for the women coming after my generation. At the same time, I am very relieved that I never had children of my own, even though I always wanted them. The world is becoming too fucked up to believe. And I am glad that I will be 50 in a few weeks, which means that I won’t be caught in the crossfire of this horrendous decision that will likely be made by our Supreme Court this summer.

I keep seeing comments, mostly from men, about the “brutality” of abortion. Funny how they have so little to say when I bring up how very unprepared for pregnancy and motherhood a 12 or 13 year old girl is, after she’s been raped or molested. Funny how they are silent when I tell them I’m a lot more concerned about the already born six year olds whose bodies are torn apart by bullets as they sit in classrooms and churches. Yes, abortion is brutal, but at least developing embryos never know what hit them. They aren’t spending their last seconds of life in terror as some gun toting nut blows them away when all they’re trying to do is learn the alphabet.

Now… with that being said, I guess it’s time to pack up and head back to Germany. We’ve had a great vacation, and I’m ready to write about it… and maybe that will give someone a distraction from the scary news that generates daily. I know a lot of ignorant people think that banning abortion is a great thing. But this decision will cause a lot of people to die. Women will get abortions if they want or need them. All banning abortion does is make the procedure less safe and, maybe, fill up our prison system even more.

But arguing about it, crying over it, or worrying seems to be pointless, now. There’s nothing much more I can do, other than continue to write my opinions… and my opinions seem to match those of most of the American population… the ones who aren’t hamstrung by backwards religious beliefs and power-hungry and racist political ideals that are more about control and money grabbing than anything else.

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Ex, lessons learned, poor judgment

Repost: Ye olde surprise visit…

I’m still debating on what today’s fresh post will be about, so here’s another blast from the past. This post appeared on my original blog on March 9, 2014.

It’s rude to just show up at someone’s home, uninvited.  This was a lesson I didn’t necessarily learn as a child.  When I lived in a suburban neighborhood, it wasn’t uncommon for me to go next door and ask a friend if he or she was available to play.  When I lived in Armenia, I had a friend whose home I used to visit unannounced.  I had sort of an excuse in Armenia, though, since, at the time, the phones were mostly useless there.  I still cringe when I think about it, though.  Dropping in on people seems very rude to me now, and I don’t do it unless I am absolutely positive I won’t offend, even if someone tells me I have a standing invitation.

My husband’s ex wife does not share my reluctance to drop over unannounced.  In fact, “ye olde surprise visit”, as Bill calls it, is one of her many tricks.  She generally does it to people who are “nice”, especially if they care about her kids.  It’s mostly relatives that get the “pleasure” of a surprise visit. She’ll just pack up the kids and go, showing up on their doorstep.  She’s done it to Bill’s parents many times.  It never seems to occur to her that they might have other plans, or they might not be feeling well.  Or maybe they just want peace and quiet.

Ye olde surprise visitors… they don’t need an engraved invitation!

Bill’s family would never turn Ex away, even after the divorce.  They wanted to see their grandchildren.  Ex was well aware of that fact and exploited it to the hilt.  She knew the kids were her ticket to the family circle, even though by the time she and Bill had split up, most of the family couldn’t stand her.  She’d always be armed with them when she’d come by, looking for food, lodging, and information.  

I’m sure that if Ex had less assertive friends, she would have done the same thing to them.  On the surface, it seems like a friendly visit, even if it’s inconvenient.  Look deeper, though, and you soon realize it’s disrespectful.  Let’s look at what happens when someone like Ex pops by with the kids.  She rings the bell, startling Bill’s dad and stepmom, who may have been lingering over coffee, trying to decide what to do with their day.

They open the door.  There’s Ex.  She’s driven in from several states away.  She has the kids with her.  They look tired and hungry.  It’s a kind and Christlike thing to do to invite them in, even if they had other plans.  And putting up with Ex is a small price to pay, since it’s been awhile since the grandkids were last allowed over.  They let her in and she proceeds to park herself at their computer and let the kids run amok in their home.  They make lunch, which Ex determines isn’t to her liking.  Then Ex feels free to opine about how she thinks the in-laws’ Catholic beliefs are bullshit and Mormonism is the only true path to God.  She spends a couple of days in their home, leaving them exhausted and bewildered in her wake.

Now, if Ex had been some stranger, the in-laws probably would have felt free to ask her to leave.  But she’s my husband’s ex wife.  She’s pulled “ye olde surprise visit” many times, especially when she was Bill’s wife.  It’s never occurred to her that there are new boundaries, now that they’re divorced.  And the in-laws were always loathe to try to enforce them, since they knew she’d hold the kids over their heads.  Consequently, they got the surprise visit several times, even after the divorce.  The element of surprise makes it less likely that the forced visit will be rebuffed.  She shows up looking tired and hungry and, being nice, compassionate people, they take her in… and she takes advantage of their kindness.

I use Ex as the example in this post, but this type of thing happens pretty often in certain communities.  While hanging out on RfM, I’ve read many accounts of people getting unexpected drop by visits from church people.  Hell, it happens frequently in my neighborhood, as church people go door to door, knocking and ringing doorbells on Sundays or evenings.  They think they’re “sharing a message”, but they’re really more likely interrupting someone’s peace.  The element of surprise puts the victim at a disadvantage and manipulative types are quick to capitalize on that.

This isn’t to say that a drop in visit isn’t sometimes welcomed.  Sometimes it’s a pleasant surprise when an old friend or family member happens to be in the neighborhood and comes by unannounced.  Certain people can get away with it at any time.  I would never turn away my mother or mother-in-law, for instance… not that either of them would ever dream of showing up uninvited.  Perhaps that’s WHY I wouldn’t turn them away, besides the fact that one of them gave birth to me and the other gave birth to Bill.   

It can be hard to deal with someone who just drops in, especially when you are a nice person and don’t want to hurt another person’s feelings.  However, for your own good, it’s probably best to tactfully but firmly explain to the interloper that you need them to call before they show up.  A true friend will understand why they need to call, but will certainly not begrudge you your privacy if you tell them their unexpected visits are causing distress.  Someone who doesn’t care about you or have respect for your feelings will be deeply offended if you remind them that the courteous thing to do is call first before popping by.

This post, of course, doesn’t apply to surprise homecomings! 

This mom is obviously delighted by a surprise visit.

And here are a couple of comments left on the original post.

I think when i have kids, my kids will always be welcome with or without notice, as will their spouses and kids. The same will not apply to their exes. They could drop the kids off in many instances, but i wouldn’t want the ex there. it would be disrespectful to my child.

I would understand if other people didn’t feel the same and wanted notice even from their children. that’s just the way I think I will feel.

My mom and her best friend have an agreement that they can show up on each other’s doorsteps unnannounced, yet they never actually do it. Weird.

I do think it’s rude.

My mom’s best friend has been dealing with the Mormons for abut 10 years, since they found her after her last move, which was about 21 years ago. (She converted when she was eleven.)They show up without calling about once every three months. She NEVER answers the door to anyone when she doesn’t know in advance. (Her house is messy unless she’s expecting company, in which case she straightens it.. I believe she cleans her kitchen and bathrooms on a regular basis, but things are not picked up and straightened unless she’s expecting someone.) i don’t agree with her housekeeping habits, but it’s her house and she has every right to maintain it however she wants. I appreciate the fact that it’s always clean and neat when I’m there.I would never guess that it’s not always that way except she tells me so and she would have no reason to lie. Anyway, she never opens the door for the Mormons because she doesn’t know they’re coming. Maybe she wouldn’t open the door anyway. But regardless, it’s rude to show up without an invitation or without at least calling first.ReplyReplies

  1. knottyMarch 9, 2014 at 10:01 PMI think Ex was entitled and thought of herself as “family”, even after the divorce. She even told Bill that they’d always be family, despite their divorce. Nice that she treats him like family by getting his kids to disown him.

    I was not happy with my in-laws for aiding and abetting her nonsense, but it’s their house and they are adults. However, I don’t have to take part in the bullshit.  

    I think for Ex, showing up as a surprise is sort of a manipulative power ploy. She does it to get people off guard. What can they do? If they say no, she makes them feel like shit. If they say yes, she comes in and takes over. It’s a no win situation.
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Ex, poor judgment, relationships

Repost: “White Knight” syndrome… 

This post was written March 2, 2012 for my original blog. I am reposting it because I made reference to “white knights” in my fresh content today. I’m providing this post as/is for context purposes. Looking at the number of comments and hits this post got on my old blog, I think it’s high time I reposted it anyway. There are a lot of “white knights” out there and they need a reality check. Incidentally, the relationship with the “white knight” in this post did not last. “Princess” has stayed with her husband. So much for the public declaration of love.

Today’s topic is one with which I am very familiar.  I am married to a so-called “White Knight”.  He is a kind, benevolent, gentle man who has a propensity toward rescuing people, especially women.  There are a lot of guys out there in the world who are “White Knights”.  They can be wonderful, supportive partners to people who are not abusive.  However, when they get involved with drama queens who exploit others, they can end up in serious trouble.

While it would be easy for me to just write about my husband’s “White Knight” syndrome, I would first rather highlight a situation I recently ran across online on one of the many message boards I troll.  I found a prime example of a post written by a guy who appears to have “White Knight” syndrome. 

Here it is, posted on Facebook for all the world to see…  I redacted names to protect the guilty. 

I love ______ with everything i have got to give. She is the most amazing woman that i have ever met. She captured my heart with her smile and the sparkle in her eyes. She engaged my mind with her wit, humor and intellect. Wicked Smaht! And she saved my soul and made me want to be a better man…not for her but for me. She is incredibly strong and a wonderful mother to five incredible kids of which i have grown quite fond. She is a PRINCESS and deserves to be treated in that manner. I LOVE YOU _____! Thank you for everything you have done for me. 

Now, bear in mind that the guy who wrote this is dating the “princess” who is referred to in this post. And the so-called “princess” is still married to her husband with whom she has five young kids. She has no doubt told this man whose heart she’s stolen that her husband is an abusive bastard. And who knows? Maybe he is a bastard. On the other hand, she is still married to him and has been with him for years. I know this because I have followed her story for years and I have seen that she has a flair for embellishment and drama.  

“Princess” does indeed have five adorable kids whose pictures she has plastered all over the Internet, along with their full names, birthdays, likes and dislikes, etcetera. She has a lot of people who support her because she comes across as very charismatic. She’s also young and attractive and has a way of making people think she’s a victim. She also has a long history of financial problems and has posted repeatedly about her many personal dramas. Despite her physical attractiveness and surface congeniality, “Princess” lives a life that seems constantly embroiled in chaos.  

Seriously.

Guys with “White Knight” syndrome are drawn like moths to a flame to women like “Princess”. She looks good. She has adorable kids. She needs HELP, because her ex or soon-to-be-ex is supposedly an abusive, irresponsible bastard. None of this situation is her fault. And she is perfectly justified in “dating” even though she is still legally married because she is such a victim and none of this is her fault! She conveniently ignores the fact that she’s a grown woman with choices and responsibilities, particularly toward her five kids. Instead of taking actions that would get her on the track to recovery and stability, she throws up her hands and wails “RESCUE ME!”

“White Knights” who encounter these types of women get swept up in the drama. They see a helpless damsel who needs them to “step up to the plate” and “save the day”. And something inside these “White Knights” prompts them to act, envisioning themselves as heroes. They feel better about themselves. The damsel in distress feels better for having been rescued. The children may or may not like the new arrangement and it may not be the best thing for them, but who cares about them, right? Because it’s all about the drama queen who never emotionally matured beyond adolescence and, to a lesser extent, the “White Knight” who has a need to feel needed and a desire to rescue someone. But what happens after the great rescue? Reality sets in. 

My husband rescued his ex wife and her eldest son. She showed up on his doorstep in Germany after my husband had a chance encounter with his ex’s first husband on a military airplane on the way back to Germany. The three of them had gone to high school together; ex had supposedly married her first husband as a means of escaping her abusive mother. She had a son with him, but later claimed that her first husband was “crazy” and “abusive”. When the ex and her child showed up in Germany, she was still married to her ex husband. But she tearfully told my husband tales of woe about her disastrous marriage. She alluded to her first husband’s abusive treatment of their son. She rationalized that because her husband was so abusive, she was perfectly justified in cheating on him. She laid it on thick and sweet and my husband, who suffered from low self-esteem and poor self-image as well as an overly large heart, bought her stories hook, line, and sinker. That was his first huge mistake.  

My husband and Ex eventually got married once Ex got divorced. My husband was quickly assimilated into the “dad” role to his ex wife’s son. By the time the kid was six, his real father was completely out of the picture and didn’t even pay child support. Ex also somehow managed to change the boy’s name. Meanwhile, Ex, who had claimed to be on birth control, got pregnant within a couple of months of marrying my husband. Bear in mind that at the time, she had no income and my husband was a junior officer in the Army who also wasn’t making much money. Getting married, stepping into daddy role, and not insisting on condoms were my husband’s second, third, and fourth big mistakes.

A couple of years after my husband’s daughter was born, Ex got pregnant again. Again, she claimed that the birth control had failed. My husband’s second daughter was born and their finances were about to get worse because Ex wanted my husband to leave the Army. She said she didn’t want to live the military lifestyle, moving from place to place. For a number of reasons, my husband’s career wasn’t going so well back then. He agreed to leave the Army. They moved from Washington State to a town in Arkansas, where my husband had an awful time finding a suitable job. Meanwhile Ex had a lot of trouble holding down employment and would frequently complain about how she didn’t want the kids being raised in daycare, hence justifying staying unemployed.

Soon, my “White Knight” husband was doing a lot of the housework, earning most of the money, and taking care of the kids, when he wasn’t working second shift in a factory making $25,000 a year. At one point, Ex moved her younger sister in with the family. The younger sister also had no job, but she did have a daughter. Soon, my husband was supporting seven people on a tiny salary. As you might imagine, things went to hell in a hand basket from a financial standpoint. But my husband stayed committed to the woman he had “saved” and their kids together.

When my husband finally wised up and decided he needed to get back into the Army full-time, the marriage quickly crumbled. And before he knew it, my husband’s beloved daughters and the “son” he had informally adopted all hated him due to things Ex had told them about him. Ex was also trying hard to ruin my husband’s relationships with his parents.  

It was during this period of crisis that my husband found me, at the time, very single. Our relationship developed platonically and online over a couple of years, which is probably why we still get along so fabulously. And maybe I have a touch of “White Knight” syndrome myself… because common sense should have told me NOT to get involved with him. However, I did get involved and ended up with a wonderful supportive “White Knight” for a husband. Our marriage has been very good, but it hasn’t been without cost. It’s taken years to recover from the financial mess my husband was in when he was with his “damsel in distress”. He has lost contact with his kids… which may actually be a blessing in disguise, since it means we have no contact with their mother, either.  

Meanwhile, the cycle has started anew with Ex’s third marriage and two youngest kids. No doubt Ex’s current husband has heard all sorts of horrible things about my husband and he’s probably dumb enough to believe her without even using his common sense or powers of logic. Ex is uncannily persuasive and believable. Even after all he had been through, my husband was still believing a lot of his ex wife’s bullshit when we first got married. It’s taken years for him to move past the fog and see the truth. Meanwhile, my husband’s “son” has reunited with his biological father, the man who was supposedly so abusive to him when he was a little boy that he needed a name change. “Son”, by the way, has changed his name back to what it originally was and has no contact with the man he called “dad” for most of his life.  

As for the “White Knight” and “Princess” I wrote of at the beginning of this post, well… I have heard that maybe their relationship has gone a bit rocky. If so, it’s probably a blessing for the gallant knight, who will have no doubt dodged a bullet. It’s a pity that the Princess’s young kids have bonded with this man, since he will no doubt be going away at some point. If he doesn’t do it now, it will happen some time in the future. These “damsel” types never like to stay rescued for long. They love the high drama of being in a crisis and being swept to safety by some kind-hearted guy. After a few minutes of being wrapped in a loving blanket of kindness and support and given a nice mug of sweet love to warm them, a true damsel will jump back into the sea of despair, waiting for the next “White Knight” to come along and rescue her.  

I have a lot of empathy for “White Knights”. I wish they would take some time for self-reflection and save themselves. It’s admirable to want to “step up to the plate” and sometimes “White Knights” really can end up rescuing an appreciative woman and her children. But I would caution anyone who feels the need to “rescue” to step back, take a deep breath, and take stock. You can’t save anyone who doesn’t want to save themselves. And you can’t truly replace an absentee parent. Don’t kid yourself. Being a “White Knight” is a thankless job that will get you nowhere.

For more on this subject, I recommend reading Dr. Tara J. Palmatier’s excellent blog, Shrink4Men.

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