Once again, I am teetering between wanting to write about the explosive current events happening right now, and something a little more “fun”, “funny”, or “harmless.” Since I’m in a fairly benign mood today, I think I’ll go for funny… and write about a YouTube video I saw yesterday, posted by River.
For those who don’t know, River is a hilarious, androgynous, British YouTube personality who wears a crown and offers commentary on the British Royal Family. Yesterday, I happened to catch a video in which River talks about the uncanny similarities between two American women who famously married British Royals. Twice, River shows viewers outfits that Wallis Simpson and Meghan Markle wore. And given that Wallis Simpson was around many years ago, obviously Meghan’s style is copying hers.
My question is, does Meghan know that her now famous white dress and glove ensemble, so heavily photographed during the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee, is very similar to an outfit that Wallis wore decades ago? I mean… right down to the gloves, belt, and the collar! Meghan’s dress looks like it was made of different fabric, and the skirt is more A line. And Meghan wore a hat, while Wallis didn’t. Still… very similar!
And River also pointed out how similar Meghan’s “birdshit dress” is to another dress Wallis wore. I had to chuckle at the term “birdshit dress”– they were actually lotuses, but River says it looks like a bunch of birds flew over Meghan in a black dress getting bombed by their shit! I didn’t notice it when I first saw her in the dress, but now I can’t unsee it. River’s right. It does look kind of like birdshit.
I also read that on her wedding day in May 2018, Meghan rode in the very same Rolls-Royce that carried Wallis Simpson to her husband, the Duke of Windsor’s, funeral in 1972. The link I just provided comes from a Fox News article, published May 29, 2018, not even two weeks after Meghan and Harry married on May 19th of that year. The reporter who wrote the story, Brittany Vonow of The Sun, noted:
Ms Simpson will forever be known as the woman who rocked the Royals and who plunged the monarchy into crisis.
Her marriage to King Edward III in 1937 meant that he became the first ever monarch to abdicate, changing the path of history – and eventually leading to Queen Elizabeth II ascending to the throne.
Edward had abdicated in December 1936 after being told he could not both be king and marry Wallis.
He made a BBC broadcast saying he could not do the job of the king “without the help and support of the woman I love”.
Hmmm… this sounds familiar, too, as Meghan and Harry have famously “stepped back” from royal duties, and are now living in California. While I don’t know how the British Royals actually feel about what has transpired, I can only guess that Harry’s defection from life as a public royal has “rocked” the family in a similar fashion. Granted, Harry has no realistic chance of ever being the King of England, so in that way, the situations aren’t comparable. King Edward III’s decision to marry an American divorcee had greater ramifications than Harry’s decision to marry an American divorcee has. But still, it’s like history is repeating itself in a very obvious way.
I didn’t go looking for the photos comparing Wallis and Meghan, and apparently neither did River; someone sent them to the channel, with the comment that the outfits are extremely similar. I would love to know whose idea it was for Meghan to wear that white outfit to the Platinum Jubilee, though. Even before I hadn’t seen Wallis Simpson’s incredibly similar version, I had mixed feelings about Meghan’s white dress. It does look like it fits her perfectly, for once, and the style is very classic. However, I couldn’t help but think of old fashioned nurses when I first saw it. Watching Meghan walk, a slight switch in her ass and a snooty smile on her face, reminded me of watching Whitney Thompson on America’s Next Top Model Cycle 10. Whitney had a similar walk and smug expression on her face.
One of my children – not going to reveal which one, as they may be taken to the tower immediately by the Daily Mail – has suggested to me that Meghan's hat looks somewhat like a certain slightly rude emoji. pic.twitter.com/vzB3rMJD0a
Quite right, I’m afraid. That is a hat that inspired some hate.
River points out that Wallis Simpson was very fashionable. He seems to think Meghan is less so. But did she mean to channel Wallis Simpson with that dress? Because I don’t think there’s a doubt that sometimes, they look like they were almost cut from the same cloth. On the other hand, I’m not sure Wallis would have worn the poop emoji hat that Meghan famously wore… I look at it and can see why people are reminded of poop when they look at it. On the other hand, it also reminds me of chocolate, especially with the little “shaving” on the side. That’s probably a kinder way to look at it, anyway.
I highly recommend River’s channel, especially if you’re interested in the British Royal Family and don’t mind snark on Meghan Markle. I find it very entertaining, especially during my boring afternoons during the summer that feels like it will never end. River always dresses in style and loves little trinkets. Sometimes some stunning zingers come forth, too, making me laugh a lot! But then, I am famously easy to entertain. 😉
This morning, I woke up to an article in The New York Times about Victoria’s Secret, that famous underwear purveyor that once beguiled me in every mall I ever visited. The article, which I’ve linked and unlocked, was about how Victoria’s Secret is trying to “rebrand” due to rapidly declining sales and a diminished reputation. A new documentary called Victoria’s Secret: Angels and Demons has come out on Hulu. I haven’t seen it, because I’m not currently subscribed to Hulu, and would have to use a VPN to see it, anyway. The documentary consists of three parts, and is all about how Leslie Wexner took a brand that was originally a small chain in California and turned it into a huge business run by men objectifying women.
I haven’t shopped at Victoria’s Secret in over twenty years. There are a few reasons for that. For one thing, I’m too old and fat to wear their lingerie. For another, it’s been many years since I last thought of anything at Victoria’s Secret as worth buying. Back in the early 90s, it was kind of a cool place to shop, with dark, mysterious boudoir inspired interiors. Everything was in drawers, as if I was going to my own dresser. They sold lovely perfumes and soaps, silk and satin underwear, terry cloth robes, and really comfortable sleep shirts with cool patterns and in bright colors. I used to LOVE their sleep shirts, which were long sleeved, with a breast pocket, and satin edging around the collar. I never bought a Victoria’s Secret bra, because they all had underwires, and I hate underwires. Plus, my boobs were just too big.
Then, as the 90s progressed, the store’s interiors brightened up, and the merchandise became crap. A lot of what they sold was not only poorly constructed and overpriced; it was also really ugly. And then I got way too old for their demographic, which seemed to target younger and younger girls. Like a lot of people, I was both amazed and horrified last month when the Tik Tok singer-songwriter, Jax, put out a song she made for a pre-teen girl she babysits named Chelsea. Chelsea had gone to Victoria’s Secret to buy a bathing suit for a pool party, and a “friend” told her the suit made her look too “fat and flat”. So Jax made a song called “Victoria’s Secret”, which went viral.
I have to say, I think Jax is a super talented songwriter. I don’t really care for the autotuned sound, or super plugged instruments, but there’s no doubt she has major writing chops. I just listened to another song she did last year, and it actually made me really emotional, even though it’s very modern pop and I usually hate that style. What can I say? I’m old, and I like to hear real voices. But I just listened to the below song, and it legitimately made me cry. My husband is just like the man she’s singing about; we actually have that relationship. I think Jax is going to have a big career. And yes, now I see that she was on American Idol, but I’ve never watched that show in my life, and couldn’t now, even if I wanted to. Sheesh, now I feel like I’ve been hopelessly out of touch with current events.
I think another reason I was turned off of Victoria’s Secret years ago was because Tyra Banks made a name for herself with that brand. I used to watch Tyra on America’s Next Top Model, a show with which I had a love/hate relationship, much like I did for 7th Heaven. Tyra used to talk about how her voluptuous figure was welcomed by Victoria’s Secret, and yet I read many comments on The New York Times article about how limited the sizing has been since I quit shopping there in the 90s. I guess it got really bad. I have never been particularly thin, but when I was a young woman, I could easily buy stuff at Victoria’s Secret. They must have sort of quietly phased the more inclusive sizes out, only to bring them back now in a bid to save their brand. Although I watched Tyra’s antics on ANTM, it wasn’t because I liked or admired her. I just found her to be a narcissistic trainwreck. I liked ANTM for Paulina Porizkova, Andre Leon Talley, Jay Manuel, and most of all, Miss Jay (J. Alexander). And I enjoyed watching the contestants, some of whom had very compelling stories. Renee Alway, anyone?
Did normal, regular people actually wear the stuff Tyra was modeling? I don’t know. I remember when I was in my late teens and early 20s, they had polyester string underwear with bright colors and juicy patterns, but they also had plain silk bikinis that I really liked and wore all the time. I see the above video, especially toward the end, Tyra wasn’t super skinny. But it sounds like the brand eventually became less size inclusive, to the point at which anyone who wasn’t super small couldn’t wear their stuff. And even those who could wear it, didn’t get to wear it for long, because it would fall apart. Then Jeffrey Epstein was in the news, and it turned out that Leslie Wexner was buddies with Epstein. He ended up stepping down from his post as chairman and chief executive of Victoria’s Secret, probably because not only is he ancient, but because the brand was liable to be canceled… On the other hand, Donald Trump also hung out with Epstein, and he hasn’t been canceled yet. So I don’t know.
I remember even before I shopped at Victoria’s Secret, they had a mail order catalog that had really beautiful stuff in it. There were velvet “pyjamas” (spelled with a y, Brit style), lovely lace nightgowns, even fashionable sportswear separates that were classy, elegant, and tasteful. A former friend of mine’s middle aged mother (at the time) used to get the catalog and I would look at it, amazed by what they were selling. It really did give off the appearance of being a British company with a posh London address, but the truth is, Victoria’s Secret has always been all American. It was originally founded in Palo Alto, California, by Roy and Gaye Raymond, who expanded the brand to five stores before they sold it to Leslie Wexner in 1982. Wexner moved the company’s headquarters to Reynoldsburg, Ohio, where it remains today. So much for London, eh?
Ah well… like anything else, Victoria’s Secret was based on a mythical image that never existed and was pushed by men looking to make money and objectify women. And a lot of people bought into it. I know I did, when I was a lot younger, but in those days, it was not as trashy as it is now. I’m obviously not the only one who thinks so, either— this link goes to another blog post that actually shows the kinds of stuff they sold, back in the day. It was much nicer and classier; some of it would be great to wear even today!
It’s been years since I last went to an American mall, but I remember even when I did that regularly, being totally turned off by how Victoria’s Secret had changed. Gone was the mystery and elegance of the early 90s, and it was replaced by gaudy, sleazy, poorly made junk. And now, it appears that it’s being marketed more to young girls who don’t yet have boobs, if I am to go by Jax’s video. It sounds like the bean counters have finally wised up– maybe a little too late– and realized that bigger women have a lot more money than most prepubescent girls have, and there are a lot more of us looking to buy lingerie than there are skinny modelesque women. Those women probably wouldn’t want to shop at Victoria’s Secret anyway. So now they’re more size inclusive, but a lot of what I’ve seen isn’t appealing at all.
I’m happy with my cotton Jockey underwear, that I usually order from Amazon. My husband doesn’t mind, because he’s not a shallow fuck like this guy who commented on The New York Times’ article.
the whole reason. We men buy lingerie for our partner; the marketing is to look good for the man.. and definitely those fatties are not our standard of beauty (I’ll bet this guy is a pro-birther, too)
I’m gonna get cooch stains on the underwear, anyway, right? Might as well get some that are practical.
Here’s a repost from December 30, 2014. I remembered it this morning as I was reading through my Facebook memories… back in the days when things like this would get me riled up. Actually, as I was reading the original comments, I was feeling annoyed anew. It does irritate me when people tell me what should or should not irritate me. Youngest child syndrome at work again, I guess… I’m still trying to decide what else to write about today, as 2021 winds down.
Edited to add– it’s eerie that I reposted this two days before Betty White died! And people are sharing that misattributed quote as a way of honoring her.
go take a flying leap!
As Dr. Phil would say, I have a “psychological sunburn” about some things. Folks, I am well aware of my “thin-skinned” nature. I am neurotic and I know it. Little things that “shouldn’t” annoy me often do. I know I should work on it. I know that if I were less easily irritated, my life might be better. Here’s one thing that doesn’t help me get over it, though… Don’t tell me what should or should not offend or annoy me.
Yes, this came up on Facebook yesterday… it’s kind of a rerun of my many issues, I suppose. Someone on SingSnap— apparently much younger than I am and from Alabama– left me a generic comment, called me “sweetie”, and invited me to go listen to one of her recordings, which already had lots of hits, comments, and likes. I ignored the comment, but decided to vent about it on my Facebook page. I knew full well that someone would come along to tell me that homespun terms of endearment is a “southern” thing and I shouldn’t be offended by it. Naturally, I wasn’t disappointed.
Okay, first of all, I am from the southern United States, so I am well aware that cutesy pet names are a “thing” there. Having been born and raised in Virginia and spent lots of time in Texas, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia, I know very well that southern people, in particular, can be casual about using a pet name in lieu of a person’s real name. And if the terms of endearment come from someone I know, or an older lady who is waiting on me in a diner, or something, they usually don’t upset me.
It’s when I get them from total strangers who are young enough to have crawled out of my uterus that I get especially irritated. Why? Because names like “honey”, “sweetie”, and “darling” from a total stranger imply a familiarity that doesn’t exist. They also suggest laziness, since in the case of the SingSnap commenter, all she had to do was go to my profile page and see that my real name is provided there. She could have called me “knotty”, or she could have called me “Jenny”, but apparently, it was easier just to call me “sweetie” and pimp her song. Sadly, her efforts to woo me to her page failed.
Secondly, while I understand that getting annoyed by a stranger calling me “sweetie” is pointless, so is telling me that I shouldn’t get annoyed. Because I am already annoyed. Your telling me that I’m being too sensitive and need to get over it is not going to make things better, because that will also annoy me. It’s not nice to discount or diminish other people’s feelings, especially if they are adults. Besides, I think I should be the one who determines what I find irritating and what I don’t, especially if I’m posting about it on my personal blog or Facebook page. Trust me, I wish little things didn’t piss me off. They do, though. I can’t help it. And if I want to vent about it, that’s my business. If it bothers you, you can choose to hang out elsewhere.
My “friend” who chastised me for getting annoyed pointed out that she’s been called worse than “sweetie”. She said, “At least they didn’t call you a bitch.” Being a card carrying southerner, I will tell you that sometimes, when a southerner calls you “sweetie”, they really are calling you a bitch. It’s a passive aggressive thing that terminally “nice” southerners do when they really want to let ‘er rip on someone, but don’t want to stoop to cussing them out.
Recently, I was watching old episodes of America’s Next Top Model cycle 14. Contestant Anslee Payne-Franklin of Dacula, Georgia, got into an argument with fellow Georgian Alasia over the fact that Alasia left some raw chicken on the counter. Did Anslee flat out call Alasia a bitch? Well no, not at first. She said, in a rather acid tone of voice, that Alasia needed to put the chicken away, but then sarcastically added the term of endearment “sweetheart” to her statement. Do you think that made things better? Well, no, actually it didn’t. Because Alasia, who instantly caught on to Anslee’s condescending tone of voice, immediately escalated things by attacking Anslee’s mothering skills. The rest is television cat fight history.
I happen to be one of those people who is sensitive to a lot of things. It would make my life so much easier if I were a really laid back person who didn’t notice the things that regularly get on my nerves. But if I were like that, I wouldn’t be myself. A lot of people love me for who I am. Bill is one of those people. He loves it when I get wound up over dumb things because it usually results in an entertaining rant. Believe it or not, Bill actually likes listening to me go off. He says my rants are often funny and usually make perfect sense. I also tend to say the things he’s thinking, but lacks the temerity to say out loud. The world would be a very boring place if everyone were low key and laid back, don’t you think? We need a few folks around who provide excitement by raising a little hell.
The person on SingSnap who inspired this rant wasn’t calling me a bitch when she addressed me as “sweetie”. She was just treating me like a little bitch by pimping her song to me on SingSnap. Apparently, she thought that calling me “hon” or “sweetie” would flatter me and make me more interested in hearing her recording. Instead, I found it off-putting, the same way I find the picture below off-putting…
Someone posted this yesterday… interestingly enough, it was a woman.
Have a look at that photo. Notice that it basically says that if you have “hurt feelings” you are thin skinned, a woman, or gay. I find it also interesting that the form says that people who have hurt feelings are “pussies”. As a comedian other than Betty White famously quipped,
The reality is, folks, vaginas tend to be tougher all the way around than balls are. So calling someone a “pussy” is kind of counterintuitive. Moreover, I have some homosexual friends who are among the strongest people I know. Same goes for some women I know, though a lot of them are just as equally annoying as they are strong.
So, there you have it… yet another rant on cutesy pet names and the people who think I have no right to be pissed off by them. I have a perfect right to think and feel whatever I wish and express myself accordingly, fuck you very much. Likewise, you have the right to respond, but don’t be surprised if your advice falls on deaf ears and makes the situation worse. Of course, sometimes, I think that’s the whole idea. Remember, people like it when someone raises a little hell. It gives them something to talk about.
And, in case you were wondering, yes, it is still snowing. (Alas, in 2021, all we have is RAIN. That was an epic snowstorm, though… very pretty! I saw the pictures from the storm on today’s Facebook memories, too.)
Here’s a post I wrote in November 2018. It’s mostly “as/is”.
Negative comments are interesting. A lot of times, they inspire me in ways you wouldn’t expect. I have kind of a strange mind sometimes. It goes off into tangents, some of which turn out to be totally goofy. Yesterday, Bill and I were directed into goofy territory when I looked up the meaning of the expression “bite me”. A couple of days ago, I wrote a post entitled “Hate my blog? Bite me.” My inspiration for that post came, in part, from some drama that has erupted on my blog recently. It’s not just “Wondering Why’s” negative comment about how I’m so bitter and post so much “inappropriate” stuff. It’s also because of other people who feel the need to try to “police” what I write in my blog.
“The Overeducated Housewife” is my first and probably most read blog simply due to the fact that it’s eight years old (ETA: in 2021, it’s 11 years old). But around these parts, it’s my travel blog that gets more notice (no longer true). Because of the community I live in and the fact that military folks can be excruciatingly uptight about some things, I try to keep the travel blog somewhat clean. Every now and then, a little profanity slips in, and I make no secret about how much Bill and I enjoy booze tourism. We aren’t necessarily a “wholesome” couple. But I do try to keep the personal drama to a minimum on that blog. It’s somewhat PG by my standards.
This blog, by contrast, gets a lot of weird shit posted on it. Some of it is very personal, profane, and “inappropriate”. Some of it’s kind of silly and funny. I use a lot more swear words on this blog. It’s “rated R”.
Then I have the music blog, which I update maybe once or twice a month. I would probably delete it altogether, but for some reason, people are obsessed with my post about Richard Carpenter’s daughter, Mindi. To date, my post about Mindi Carpenter has garnered well over 100,000 hits. It’s my most popular post of all time. I really don’t know why, but as long as it gets hits, I figure I might as well get some ad revenue. (still thinking of deleting it because I never update it much anymore, but I want to get paid, first)…
Anyway… back to the subject at hand. I was writing about tangents, and it’s time I came back from the latest one. A couple of days ago, I wrote my post about people who hate blogs and bloggers. I used the expression, “Bite me.” I used that expression because it’s a somewhat sanitized version of saying “fuck off”. In truth, I am much more likely to say “fuck off” than “bite me”. In fact, I can’t think of any time recently that I invited someone to “bite me”. It’s just not a phrase I use very often. “Fuck off”, on the other hand, is a favorite expression of mine. It’s very ladylike, you see.
Sometimes I get curious about language. I find the origin of words and expressions fascinating. I love to read Urban Dictionary, where people post definitions for common slang words and idioms in the English language. I looked up “bite me.” and, sure enough, Urban Dictionary had a definition. But then I stumbled across another site called English Language & Usage. Six people also included information about the origin of the expression “bite me”. The first answer posted was rather pedestrian, but the second one was fascinating. Have a look…
This made me laugh hysterically for a few minutes. I was especially amused by a subsequent comment left by someone who said it was equivalent to saying “Eff you”, then apologizing that he could not bring himself to “say” it.
While you can use the phrase when you mean “deal with it”, I am of the opinion that it most emphatically doesn’t mean “deal with it”, but instead is closer to when you don’t like what the other person has said or done, and express your contempt. It’s really not different than “eff you” (sorry, I can’t bring myself to say it). – ErikENov 27 ’12 at 9:04
Some people really cringe at the idea of using vulgarity and being “inappropriate”… I think they must live very constrained lives, but if it makes ’em happy, what’s it to me?
The person who provided the above screenshot information immediately charmed me for being so apologetic and polite about the original raunch factor of “bite me”. I had no idea. There are several more answers posted about the origin of “bite me”, most of which caused me to giggle and reminded me of the old show, Crank Yankers, which used to be aired on Comedy Central a lot. Crank Yankers consisted of comedians using puppets to act out crank calls they made to people. There was a character on that show named Niles Standish, who was “inappropriate” on the phone as they pranked some unsuspecting guy who was looking for some phone sex.
I don’t often say “bite me” to people, because to me, it’s about as non-sensical as calling someone a douche. I have ranted about my aversion to the word “douche” used as an insult on several occasions, so I’m not going to rehash it. I’ll just say that, to me, calling someone a “douche” doesn’t make sense, nor does it make sense to say “bite me”, although I do know the conventional meaning of both expressions. I just used “bite me” a couple of days ago because it seemed less profane, and I’d rather not be profane in my blog post titles, if I can help it. But then, if you think about it, calling someone a “douche” or inviting them to bite you is actually very offensive if you consider what those expressions really mean. It’s just that they’re used so often that people are now kind of unfazed by them. They’ve become almost sanitized… and even somewhat “appropriate”. You might even hear someone say it in church.
Because I enjoy oversharing, as regular readers of this blog certainly know, I shared on Facebook that Bill and I were having a stimulating discussion about vulgar English idioms. I wasn’t surprised when a number of my friends who know me well had a good laugh at that. Bill and I often discuss things that would never cross anyone else’s minds. That’s why we’re perfect for each other. We ended the evening by watching early episodes of America’s Next Top Model, where there was certainly a lot of “inappropriate” behavior. I think many people secretly love it when others are “inappropriate”. It’s the sticks in the mud who feel that a high level of decorum must be maintained by all means that ruin it for everyone else.
I’m sure plenty of people read some of my posts and wonder “WTF is wrong with that woman?” They wouldn’t be the first to wonder that. My own mother used to loudly exclaim, “Where did you come from?!” whenever I said or did anything she found inappropriate, obnoxious, or weird. I always wanted to tell her that I came from an unfortunate night she spent fucking my father… and then I slid out of her womb, between her legs, all purplish and wet, kicking and screaming into the hellhole of life. But, because I do have a sense of decorum and did not want to be knocked into the next month, I did not tell her where I literally came from. The fact is, I came from their come… She could have spared us all a lot of grief if she and my dad had just taken a cold shower and gone bowling or something. Ah well… I will keep thinking and writing about goofy, inappropriate shit that upsets, shocks, annoys, and offends people. Then, some blessed day, I won’t be able to write anymore and the world will be spared these weird, inappropriate postings from me.
This morning, I was thinking about what today’s topic would be. I’m kind of irritated, because I had a couple of interesting ideas for today yesterday, while we were enjoying the end of the weekend. But when I woke up this morning, those ideas were no longer available. I probably should have written down the ideas, but that’s not my habit.
I did what I usually do when this happens, which was check the old version of my blog. I ran across a post about former America’s Next Top Model contestant, Renee Alway. Back in December 2014, I wrote a controversial post about Renee Alway’s 2013 arrest and conviction for a number of felonies. Around the time I posted, Renee had been sentenced to twelve years in prison. I was sad for her, even though I remember how she had behaved when she was on ANTM. She was often portrayed as a “bitch” on that show, but then she would show a really lovely side to her personality.
I thought Renee was gorgeous and had so much potential. Then she got on a bad path. I was disappointed to see her with a shaved head, wearing cuffs, shackles, and chains. That sadness and disappointment was what had motivated me to write about her. I wasn’t interested in shaming her, although some people apparently thought that’s what I was doing.
I got a ton of hits on that post, as well as a lot of comments. Some of the people who commented claimed to be Renee’s friends. I even got a comment that appeared to be from Renee herself, although I can’t confirm if it was her or someone pretending to be her. One person got so irritated by my comments that she wrote:
Renee Diane is an amazing person, she continues to teach me the most amazing aspects in life, she’s there for me like no other person has ever been… I love her with all my heart, you don’t know Renee and never will just because she’s a model and is beautiful doesn’t mean she’s not human and doesn’t bleed. We all have our story in life and deal with pain differently who are you to sit here and judge her. Walk a mile in her shoes and look into your own lives the come here and point fingers … You don’t know a thing about here keep your blog shit to yourself. If you have nothing nice to say and reflect on the world don’t say shit.
We went back and forth a few times. I finally turned that person’s post into one of my famous rants. I basically explained that people are going to have and express their opinions, particularly about public figures. When a person goes on a reality TV show, particularly if they are an adult when they make that choice, they are pretty much fair game for commentary.
What I wrote about Renee Alway really wasn’t all that bad. In fact, I think it was a fairly compassionate post. Let’s face it. It IS sad when a beautiful young woman with children gets arrested and goes to prison. It’s sad on many levels. I saw Renee as a talented person with great potential. I could tell she loved her son very much when she was on ANTM. I don’t know why she chose the path she did, and I was dismayed to see that her life had taken a criminal turn. That was the main gist of the post.
But that person still got angry with me that I wrote about Renee. She basically told me to “shut up”. And my response was this:
Thanks for the comment. This is a personal blog and I have the right to write about anything I please. If that upsets you, I’d encourage you to find something to read that is more to your liking. Based on what I saw on ANTM, Renee would probably tell you the same thing. She strikes me as quite a spitfire who doesn’t let other people dictate to her what she can and can’t communicate.
The person evidently got confused about what I meant when I wrote that my blog is “personal”. She responded thusly:
If it was personal it wouldn’t be posted online. And your right she’s definitely a spitfire and doesnt take shit from anyone or let anyone elses opinions affect her. But I’m her friend and seeing people put her on blast and talk down on her upsets me so I’m sure you understand and would do the same for your friends and ppl you love
I hear what she’s saying… really, I do. But I’m not the one who put Renee on blast. I wrote this in response:
I understand your concern, but she put herself on blast when she went on a reality TV show. In any case, this post has been here for months now and is only getting new attention because you’re commenting. I’m sorry Renee is in the situation she’s in and I hope it gets better for her, but I can’t allow random visitors to my blog to dictate what I write about. I hope you understand.
I never know how people will react to what I write. If I chose to “keep my blog shit” to myself as a means of avoiding upsetting random people, I would never publish a single post. I can’t predict how people will respond to most topics I choose, nor can I control it. I think that commenter also confused the concept of “personal” versus “private”. They aren’t really the same things. Personal means it comes from me. I can write something personal and not keep it private. Or I can keep something private that is also personal… or impersonal.
I could keep the blog private, but there’s not much use in doing that. Why write things that no one will ever read? I understand feeling the need to respond to things that are upsetting, but I would urge people to pause and reflect for a moment before doing so. It’s not right to tell people to shut up, particularly when all they’ve done is shared an opinion or an observation. Stop and think for a minute and consider if what the person has said is really as awful as you think it is. Chances are, you’re overreacting to something that shouldn’t be that upsetting. I understand having that reaction, particularly when it’s in response to an ego blow. We all do it. But no one likes to be told to shut up, and frankly, telling people to shut up isn’t cool. Especially when you’re on their space instead of your own.
One commenter wrote this about Renee:
The season Renee was on was one of the ones I watched. I found her to be arrogant, manipulative and despicable. She wasn’t a good person. You managed to find the good side, however, which is to your credit. Renee actually ended up with two kids when she was arrested and gave birth to a third after that. She had been addicted and committing a strong of burglaries, eventually armed when she did so.
In her prison interview, she admits to being a person whose character had defects. She said that she thinks people watching the show saw exactly who she was and that she had problems with her character. At least that admission is a good start. But it’s funny that she has “friends” on here denying what she herself has admitted and screaming at someone who wrote a compassionate post about what happened to her.
Right… and what I wrote was not nearly as “mean” as what the person above wrote. I think her comments are valid, even if they do seem harsh. It’s good to show grace toward people, but it’s also good to keep your eyes open about who people are.
So anyway… on to Rumi, and his connection to Renee Alway, who was born hundreds of years after his death. In my response post, I found a meme attributed to the Persian poet, Rumi. Rumi was born in the year 1207 in present day Afghanistan. His parents were native Persian speakers. He grew up to become a sage, whose influence spread around the Middle East and transcended borders and ethnicities. He died in 1273 at age 66 in what is now Konya, Turkey.
When I was writing my response post to Renee’s friend who told me to “shut up”, I found today’s featured photo, which is a famous Rumi quote. I thought it was very relevant. The quote is:
“Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder.”
In other words, yelling at someone is not likely to make a whit of difference. You might feel better doing it in the short term, but it’s not likely to inspire cooperation or compliance. If you have an argument or contrary view, try presenting it in a civilized way. Take the time to reason. Frame your comments in a way that is constructive, instead of destructive. Don’t just react with emotion. Think about why you’re reacting the way you are before you say something. It’s fine to feel offended by an ego blow, but you’ll get further in changing someone’s perspective if you approach them with basic respect for their dignity.
In my response post, I wrote “If you “yell” at me, I’ll cross my arms and stop listening because I will simply assume you’re an asshole. I don’t listen to assholes because that’s where shit comes from.” I had to laugh at that because it’s true. Shit is basically thought of as unpleasant, stinky, and worthless. On the other hand, shit DOES make the flowers grow. Most everything has a purpose of some sort. Most everything has at least something good about it. If you stop and think long enough about it, you can probably come up with something good about almost anything.
For example, a lot of people dislike Donald Trump. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you may already know that I can’t stand the man. But– I can legitimately state that some good things came from Trump’s time as president. For instance, I have noticed that many people have become much less complacent about voting than they once were. They are no longer okay with skipping elections, because they’ve seen what not voting can lead to. Or– if they support Trump– they realize that their votes will make a difference. Regardless of which side of the political spectrum one falls on, I think it’s a very good thing to exercise the right to vote. It’s a very valuable right in a civilized society to be able to make one’s voice heard. So, in my opinion, making people more aware of the right to vote and impressing upon them how important voting is is a good thing Trump did. That doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s a contemptible asshole. But he isn’t 100% bad, either. Almost no one is.
I can even extend this thought to people like Josh Duggar. I don’t like Josh Duggar. I think he’s a massive creep who has done terrible things. However, I don’t think he’s the worst person there ever was, and I recognize that there are people in the world who love him, in spite of his criminal behavior. I also realize that he’s got six kids and one on the way who would not be here if not for him. I don’t know a thing about Josh’s children, but I’m assuming that they have the potential to be good people. They don’t have to turn out like Josh has. And they would not be here or who they are if not for their father. At this point, they probably love their dad and, if they’re aware of what’s going on, may feel scared and upset that he may soon be going to prison for a long time. So I have some compassion for them, too… and that leads me to have some compassion for Josh, in spite of how terrible his actions have been.
Because I have compassion, I can’t support mistreating people who have done bad things. I think they should be punished, and some need to be permanently taken out of society because they will harm others. But I don’t support deliberately making them miserable, torturing them, or harming them. I do understand the sentiment of feeling like you want to hurt or kill someone who’s done you wrong. I even express it at times when I am angry. But the reality is, I don’t want to see people being hurt, even if they’ve hurt others. I mainly think it’s only appropriate to hurt or kill someone when it’s done in self-defense.
I recently watched a video about the conditions Ghislaine Maxwell is dealing with as she awaits her trial regarding her alleged sex trafficking crimes. In the video, Maxwell’s lawyer explains that Maxwell is in a living hell. While I do think she needs to be confined because she is a potential flight risk, I can understand why she’s complaining about her conditions in jail. But there were so many comments from people indicating that they had no compassion for her and she deserves to be treated cruelly. I can’t agree with that. She’s still a sentient human being. Being cruel to people who have done wrong doesn’t change them for the better. It makes them worse. I don’t want Ghislaine Maxwell to be worse than she is. I want her to be a better person. So I think she should be treated humanely.
I think all people should be treated with humanity, whenever possible. And I write this realizing that I’m sometimes a hypocrite when I get angry… I sometimes express anger in a way that seems contrary to the idea of compassion. But I’m telling you that deep down, despite being angry, I don’t support hurting people or making them suffer unnecessarily. That includes Bill’s ex wife, whom I legitimately despise. I mainly want her to stay out of my life and am content with letting her destructive actions lead to natural consequences. I would also hope people would show compassion to me, so I do try to show it to others. I can be compassionate and still think a person should be held accountable… or even have some contempt for them.
Anyway… I don’t know what Renee Alway is up to now. I think it’s troubling that she turned to crime. I suspect she suffered abuse in her past and is dealing with it in a way that isn’t helpful. When I saw her on ANTM, I really did think she was gorgeous and talented. I rooted for her and hoped she’d win. I wish things had turned out differently and she didn’t succumb to criminal behavior. But I realize Renee has friends… and some of those friends can’t bear to see her criticized. I do understand wanting to protect your friends, but screaming at me to be quiet doesn’t help your case. It just draws attention to that which you claim is damaging. So, as Rumi says, “raise your words, not voice.” If you want something to grow– like flowers or food– you have to nourish and nurture it. In other words, be constructive, not destructive. And try to have kindness and compassion toward people, especially if you want them to return that sentiment to you.
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