Tag Archives: being unpopular

communication, social media

Apparently, more than one person thinks IATA this week… now ask me how much I care!

The featured photo is one of the presents I sent to Bill’s grandson. Just call me “pseudogranny”… 🙂

Before I get too cranked up with today’s post… a little musical interlude.

A little levity is in order…

A few days ago, I vented quite a bit about a situation that developed between a relative by marriage and me. My relative by marriage read my rant (now at a whopping nine hits) and is now no longer my “friend”. I vented about that, too. For some reason, I’ve been thinking a lot about that situation, and how quick we are to cancel each other over things that are basically really trivial. Years ago, before we had social media, we had fewer chances to confront each other with our “ugly” sides. When the confrontations did come up, we either hashed them out and came to new understandings, or we just avoided each other. And we didn’t run into nearly as many people back then, so these kinds of disagreements were less common.

In 2023, it’s much easier to bump into people who will go nuclear at the drop of a hat. I’ll admit, I can be rather quick to block, too, however I mostly confine my blocking to strangers who are obvious scammers. Generally speaking, a person with whom I have a relationship really has to be offensive– and the off-putting behavior has to happen more than once or twice– before I’ll go nuclear with the block button. I really don’t like to block people on social media unless there’s a very good reason for it. And yet, I probably block several profiles a week belonging to strangers. I often block the “can you send me a friend request” types, or strangers who post really rude or offensive things that I know I don’t want to encounter again.

Other people have different thresholds, which is their right. I am amused, however, when people I don’t know block me because we have a difference of opinion. That’s what happened to me yesterday afternoon. A friend from Gloucester is a nurse, and she shared a meme that was sadly very relevant today. See below:

This is so true…

In Germany, when you are sick or injured, you are expected to rest. Doctors even prescribe spa treatments here. Granted, from what I’ve heard, German doctors are a lot less free with pain medications. Even getting something like aspirin requires a visit to the Apotheke and a conversation with the pharmacist. But if you need some time for recuperation, you can have it. Vacation time is a lot more plentiful here.

My nurse friend from back home wrote that she’s seen patients in intensive care on Zoom calls for work… or something like that. Some people really have a hard time clocking out. My husband, Bill, is definitely one of those people. He’s taking time off this week, and I told him this morning that he needs to clock out, as he continually frets about what’s going on at his workplace. It’s ridiculous.

One of my friend’s friends wrote that he had lived in Europe for a few years and still thinks the United States is the best place in the world. I can no longer access what he posted, but I think his reasoning had to do with money.

I posted that I totally disagreed with him, adding that I live in Europe now and much prefer it to the United States. I wasn’t rude in what I wrote. I just calmly expressed an opinion. The guy came back with a disagreement– I could kind of tell that he thought I was full of shit.

So, I calmly reiterated that I like living in Germany. I’ve been here almost nine years this time, and I’m in no hurry to leave. I have just about everything here that I had in the United States, plus I don’t worry about being shot when I go to the store or attend a concert. And I also don’t worry about going bankrupt if I get sick or injured. I don’t have to worry about abortion access anymore, but if I needed help with that, I know I could get it, and it would be private. I wrote that the United States is less appealing now, as extremist politicians are trying to deny rights to half the population, and when you go out somewhere nowadays, there’s a good chance you’ll run into an entitled asshole. If you’re really unlucky, the asshole will be unhinged and carrying a weapon. I didn’t even actually use the word “asshole”, because I try not to curse on other people’s pages.

Next thing I knew, the guy blocked me.

I don’t have a problem with this, per se. I don’t even know the guy. He doesn’t seem like someone I’d want to know, anyway, if he can’t handle a calm disagreement with another person who simply has a different viewpoint. I don’t enjoy hanging around people who prefer to be in echo chambers and are afraid of differing opinions. I like to hear other people’s thoughts on most topics, because it helps me understand where they’re coming from. I may not always agree with their opinions, but sometimes their views give me food for thought. It’s hard to learn anything when you don’t want to listen to other opinions. Of course, there are a few people I can’t abide listening to, like Donald Trump and his biggest supporters. However, even though I hate listening to Trump, it’s necessary to listen to him, because he has so much power. God help us if he becomes president again. I doubt it will happen, but I didn’t think it would happen the first time.

Bill tells me that one of the things he likes most about me is the fact that I don’t have so much of a problem with being disliked. I often say things he doesn’t have the nerve to say. He’s a people pleaser. I am not a people pleaser. Sometimes, it does feel bad to be “disliked” or unpopular, but as I mentioned earlier this week, I seem to have a hard time behaving in a popular way. I’m not a “go along to get along” type of person. I am open and honest with my opinions, sometimes to the extent of being offensive to others. I don’t mean to offend, but I seem to do it anyway.

I think I prefer to be the way I am, even though it causes people to think IATA. I have seen where too much “people pleasing” can lead people. In Bill’s case, it meant almost ten years of marriage to a woman who abused him in all ways and left him broke and ostracized from his family. I don’t tend to attract people who behave like Ex. They are “turned off” by my less agreeable nature. It means I have fewer “friends”, but the friends I do have tend to be genuine, and of a higher quality. “Friends” don’t last long in my realm, because invariably, I’m going to say something outrageous, offensive, or contrary.

I don’t like to offend people, but being willing to be offensive means that I don’t get love bombed by people like Ex. I flat out told her we wouldn’t be friends. I know that offended her, but it also spared us both a lot of wasted time and heartache. To be clear, I might have tried to be friends with her if she wasn’t such an abusive person. But her sweet act is 100 percent bullshit. I know it. And I know that she won’t ever change. So, I basically told her, in more polite terms, to fuck off and leave me alone. It was a good strategy.

Because I’m like that, Bill reaps some of the benefits. He tells me I am fiercely protective of him. I guess I am… although he doesn’t need my protection. It’s just that I don’t mind pissing people off as much as he does. We’re like good cop/bad cop.

Another mutually beneficial relationship… I picture myself as the crocodile, and Bill as the plover.

Of course, I didn’t think my comments on the post about time off from work were that inflammatory. I like living in Germany. What’s wrong with that? Why are some Americans offended when fellow Americans disagree with the idea that our country is the best in the world? There’s a lot to dislike about the United States. I think when you live there, in the weird-o-rama culture, you don’t see it as plainly as you do when you leave it and live somewhere else for awhile. I can totally understand now why so many people who aren’t from the United States think Americans are entitled, insufferable, jerks. I didn’t necessarily feel that way when I lived in the USA, though… because it was all around me, and I was in it, too. Moving away helped me change my perspective, and my behavior. I can see why America seems amazing and awesome to a lot of people. I just don’t agree with that viewpoint myself, anymore.

Anyway… I know I could be writing about something more exciting. I need to wrap this up, though, because I think we might go do something interesting today… something outside of our village. So, I hope you enjoy your Friday and don’t alienate anyone. I am happy to report that Bill’s younger grandson is now one year old, and I managed to send him a birthday present that he likes. So, I guess I’m not 100 percent an asshole… 😉

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blog news, love, marriage, musings

Today’s WordPress prompt is… “Tell us one thing you hope people never say about you.”

Not long ago, I wrote a post about how my blog host, WordPress, seems to think I need “special help” with my subject matter. Recently, I noticed that at the top of each new blank page, there’s now a “prompt”– a question or a suggestion on what my topic should be for the day. I think this is a new feature, as I’ve only just started noticing it. I see I can hide the daily prompts if I want to, but I probably won’t bother with that. Although I doubt I’ll need to use the prompts regularly, there are times when I could use a suggestion. Sometimes, even I get writer’s block– like if I’ve got a hangover or nothing exciting has happened. But I usually have SOMETHING I can write about, even if I’m the only one who’s interested in the subject.

Today, for instance, I could write about Donald Trump’s ridiculous “big announcement”, which turned out to be really embarrassing and stupid. He’s selling Trump superhero NFT cards for $99. Jimmy Kimmel put it as “QAnon meets QVC”. Seriously, this is “not a good look” for Trump. I’m sure a lot of his supporters– many (but not enough) of them former supporters at this point– are feeling kind of sheepish and humiliated now, as their former hero who promised “greatness” is shilling more worthless shit to the masses. Trump is legitimately embarrassing on so many levels now. Just like with Ex, whenever I think I’ve heard the worst about Trump, there’s another layer of rot to excavate. It’s unbelievable that so many people fell for his lunacy. That being said, I wouldn’t be surprised if I heard that one of my cousins bought Trump’s stupid superhero cards. There are too many people who still worship him, though the number is dropping.

How dumb is this?

I haven’t bothered to watch Harry and Meghan on Netflix, because I haven’t been bored enough for that. I am reading Matthew Perry’s book, though. I know I’ve seen him in some things, although I was never a Friends fan– again, it aired at a time when I wasn’t available to watch a lot of TV. I bought his book because I like true stories, and his was getting some good press. So far, I’m enjoying it. Matthew Perry is engaging and funny, though some of his story is sad and scary. I’m four chapters in so far. I’m looking forward to sharing my thoughts on his book soon.

Or I could write about how the dishwasher that was supposed to get to us last night is coming this morning… (ETA: The dishwasher is still delayed) and Bill will be home later today, much to the dogs’ and my relief. I’ve been on the wagon all week, too… mainly because Arran has been getting me up every night , sometimes two or three times, so he can pee and beg for food. He left me alone for 3.5 solid hours yesterday after I yelled at him. He slunk away with a guilty look on his face, as if to say, “Gee mom, I didn’t realize I was imposing that much!” It’s hard to stay mad at Arran, even if he is a little stinker… and he always has been, so this is nothing new. Prednisolone just amplifies the effect. Luckily he’s adorable, sweet, loving, and very loyal. But I really need a full night’s rest! So does Bill.

Yes, I have a lot of topics I could write about, and I don’t necessarily need WordPress’s help. But WordPress has queried about what the one thing is that I hope no one ever says about me. That’s actually kind of a hard question to answer. I’m a pretty forward person, and I’ve never been one to hold back. Lots of people don’t like me, although I don’t think I have too many true haters. Most people just find me annoying for any number of reasons, ranging from my distinctive laugh to the fact that I drink and swear a lot. Most people don’t seem to appreciate the fact that I’m outspoken and opinionated. I’m sure a consequence of growing up with people who repeatedly criticized and disparaged me, often in favor of other people’s kids, is a major reason why so many people seem to think I’m an asshole today.

I suppose a lot of people would be horrified to be thought of as an “asshole” by so many other people. Most people want to be liked. I used to be that way, too. But I found that trying too hard to be liked by everyone was impossible, exhausting, and pretty pointless. Because those who would want you to not be your authentic self for them are not people who would ever be a true advocate. In other words, they’re “dead weight”. I’d much rather have a few loyal, true friends who love me exactly for who I am, than a bunch of “friends” who love me for what I can do for them or a false persona I put on just so I can feel liked and included in a group.

Does it hurt to be– or just feel— disliked and uninvited? Sure, it does. But at least I can wear my jammies when I’m alone, and no one will criticize my laugh, personality, looks, or opinions.

Also, I suspect that even those who feel like others think of them as an “asshole” are overestimating their real impact on other people. I, for one, agree with Eleanor Roosevelt, who said “You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” I think there’s a lot of truth in that statement. And, while it may take us aback to consider how little other people actually care that much about us, once you get past that initial shock, the end result is kind of freeing. Because when it comes down to it, people have their own lives, and their own problems… and the truth is, they probably DON’T think too much about you and any “asshole” behavior (from their perspective) you might exhibit.

So… I guess if I’m going to answer WordPress’s query, I would say that the one thing I would hope people never say about me is that I’m a fake. You may not like what you see or hear from me, but rest assured, it’s authentic. I try to be a good friend. I may not always say or do what other people want, but I do things with pure intentions. I don’t intentionally screw people over– which is NOT the same is letting them screw ME over without protest. The one kind thing my dad used to regularly say to me when I was growing up is that I’m a “survivor”. There’s a big part of me that doesn’t feel like that’s true, as I suffer pretty badly from anxiety sometimes. But, when I look back on my life, I realize that he was right. I am a survivor. A lot of times, that means I’m alone. But I am my true self when I’m alone, and I’m myself when I deal with other people. I’m never going to be popular, but what you see is what you get… ALWAYS. Or almost always… because I have to admit, there are times when fakeness is needed for survival. Like, for instance, being polite to an authority figure when you really feel like going off on them.

I feel like I came into Bill’s life for a reason. It was like the universe set it up. Matthew Perry writes about it in his book, about how, against all odds, he got cast as Chandler Bing on Friends. I think I was meant to be Bill’s second wife. I’m here to teach him new things… new ways of dealing with people. Maybe I was a washout as a career or family woman, but I think I’m here for different reasons… if only to show my husband that his voice counts, too. He doesn’t always have to appease other people and strive to be liked. His voice has worth, too. The real him is better than the fake persona he put on for Ex and other people who tried to force him into a place where he doesn’t fit. There’s a place where he DOES fit, just like a puzzle piece. And it’s with me, because I love him for who he is. He rewards me by loving me for who I am. It’s all I could ever ask for. If even one person can do it, it’s enough.

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Duggars, family, history, lessons learned

Embracing my “unpopularity”… and a Duggar named “True”…

Hello to everyone. I am now back in Germany, ready to plunge back into my pseudo occupation of writing. Bill and I got home from our vacation yesterday afternoon. We were confronted by piles of dirty laundry in our luggage and high grass in the backyard. It must have rained a lot while we were out of town. I had to turn on the lawn mowing robot three times and use the weed whacker to get the backyard back to a reasonable state. I still need to let the mower run again, but it’s raining today. It’s kind of satisfying to see the grass cut. I wish all chores were like that.

After I write this post, I will move to my travel blog and write about our latest travel adventures in Italy, Switzerland, and Liechtenstein. My travel blog used to be somewhat popular, but it’s not so much anymore. After this latest trip, I realize that maybe not being popular is a good thing. There was a time when I cared more about getting people to read my stuff. Now, I think it might be better that I stay anonymous. It’s easier to be honest when I’m less “popular”.

This morning, I was looking at my Facebook memories. I found a post from 2014 that I wrote one night when I was feeling despondent and alone. We were living in Texas at the time, and Bill was visiting his dad in Tennessee. I had stayed home from that trip for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I stayed in Texas because we lived in a rental with a pool, and a pipe had busted. I had to be there to turn the water off when the automatic pool system came on. At the time, Texas was in the middle of a terrible drought, so we couldn’t waste the water. As far as I know, Texas is still in a drought situation today. But there were other reasons why I stayed home.

Bill was also about to retire from the military, and we had to save money. Going to Tennessee with Bill meant more expenses for us at a time when we weren’t sure about his future employment prospects. As it turned out, he got a job offer a month later… on my birthday, no less. Within a couple of months, we’d moved to Germany, where I came face to face with the military community. Ironically, when we lived in Stuttgart, I had more exposure to the military than I ever did as an actual “Army wife”. That includes the time we lived in Army housing on Fort Belvoir. But at the time Bill visited his dad, we didn’t know what the future would hold. It was a pretty scary time, actually.

The final reason I didn’t go is because I know my husband’s stepmother doesn’t like me. I don’t think we trust each other, either. Not that I blame her for not liking me. A lot of people don’t. But I don’t like to be in places where I’m not welcome, and I don’t like to interact with people who are simply tolerating me and my admittedly unconventional personality. I’d rather be at home. So I stayed home, and Bill visited his dad in May 2014. It turned out that was their last visit, as Bill’s dad passed away in November 2020. Thanks to COVID-19, Bill wasn’t able to go to his funeral.

In any case, in May 2014, I was obviously feeling kind of sad. I became one of those attention seeking “insufferable posters” I wrote about the other day, and posted this… which was probably a plea for attention from my own family of origin. I suspect I was drinking wine that night.

I think a lot of my family members disapprove of me… because I am a little on the odd side. But just so everyone knows, I will be weird until I croak. So if you hope I will change because you shun me, rest assured I don’t give much more than half a fuck. I’m weird and profane and will be that way until I kick the bucket… which honestly, I hope happens sooner rather than later. With friends and family like that, who needs enemies?

I still kind of feel like this, although I’ve kind of come to terms with it. After eight years in Germany, I kind of miss Virginia and some of my family members. But, in reality, I’m surprised by how much I don’t miss them. I feel like I’m completely out of touch with most of them. Living abroad can really change one’s perspectives. I used to be proud to be southern. I used to identify as a Republican. I was never a pro-lifer, but I had more sympathy for that view. But now, most of my opinions have changed, and I don’t think it’s wrong that they’ve changed. I have a hard time being around some of the more militant Trump supporters in my family, especially the ones who also claim to be Christians… which includes most of them.

The older I get, the more I find that I am who I am, and I’m not going to change into what other people want me to be. If that means people think I’m “insufferable”, and that makes me “unpopular”, so be it. With all of this talk about pro-life vs. pro-choice, one would think we’d have more regard for people’s differences. So many people seem to think that every potential life should be given a chance. But it seems that a lot of people really don’t… they want conformity and “niceness”, even if the niceness isn’t genuine. When you don’t conform to norms, sometimes you will experience pain in the form of rejection. I’ve been rejected by a lot of people… and for a long time, it made me pretty sad. It was saddest to me when my own family rejected me. In fact, one of the main reasons why I am so pro-choice is because I was repeatedly told that I was a “mistake” when I was a child. It would have been less hurtful to me if my mom had just aborted me, though that wasn’t legal at the time.

Of course, my mom doesn’t say stuff like that to me anymore, and my father is dead. I know my mom is glad I’m here now, since I don’t demand anything of her anymore. I also turned out reasonably okay. I just have a personality that people tend to love or hate. But I really think growing up unwanted had a big effect on my personality. It’s made me stubborn and contrary, and maybe some people think I’m an asshole for any number of reasons. Whatever… I’m going to be 50 soon, so I don’t think I’m going to change. It’s probably best to just lay low and enjoy being unpopular… It’s been my experience that the least popular people tend to be the most interesting. They don’t go with the flow. They don’t follow the crowd. They don’t go along to get along. 😉 What could be more interesting than that?

Moving on…

I noticed yesterday that I had a bunch of hits on a post I wrote last fall, when Jed and Katey Duggar shared their pregnancy announcement… apparently five minutes after they conceived. It turns out they were looking at that post because Jed and Katey’s son, Truett Oliver Duggar, was born on Monday, May 2. I heard that Katey had to be induced, so she gave birth in a hospital. May 2 was also Katey’s due date.

The bouncing baby boy was named Truett (which according to them, means “warrior for Christ”) and Oliver (which they said means “peace”)– and his initials are TOD, which someone in the Duggar Family News Facebook group noticed that those are the same initials for “time of death”. Some people were commenting that the baby’s name was the same as Chick Fil-A’s founder’s name. My only comment is that the names seem to be in conflict… and I’m also wondering if perhaps Jed and Katey aren’t promoting “fractured facts” in their explanation of what the names Truett and Oliver mean.

But anyway… the boy is here and he has a name, and he looks healthy and strong. Good for them! Obviously, he is very much wanted and loved. I like the name Truett, or even True, more than “Spurgeon”, anyway.

Katie Joy’s commentary on the new arrival.

What’s really creepy is that Jedidiah Duggar’s voice sounds so much like big brother Josh’s… and Josh, as we all know, is currently sitting in jail, awaiting his prison sentence for possessing and receiving child pornography. But at least Jed didn’t nap while his wife was in labor, and she didn’t give birth to him on a toilet. These are things that happened on Josh’s watch as his wife, Anna, was giving birth. And, as far as I know, Jed hasn’t been engaging in any illegal activities, although I am not at all in agreement with his political or religious views. Still, the world would be a dull place if we all agreed on everything. So congratulations to this particular branch of the Duggar family. I hope they enjoy this special time.

Well… now it’s time to get going on my travel blog. I hope someone will enjoy my efforts, but even if they don’t, that blog series will serve as a reminder of some of the great stuff Bill and I have managed to do, in spite of my “unpopularity” among the masses…

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