Bill

The many faces of Bill…

Yesterday, Bill and I decided to go to the Middle Rhein Gorge. We didn’t actually do very much while we were there, because we got a late start and had to sit in some traffic. I took some photos and we had lunch at the Rheinfels “Romantic” Hotel in Saint Goar, which overlooks the Rhein River. Then, after we ate, we went home. It was just one of those days that we had to get out of the house. The weather was beautiful and surprisingly warm, and my Mini Cooper convertible needed driving. The Middle Rhein Gorge is a popular vacation destination, and we happen to live close to it now.

One thing I love to do to Bill when we’re enjoying a day trip, is ask him ridiculous questions. I always expect some kind of shocked reaction, and Bill NEVER disappoints. Yesterday, the question of the day was, “Would you like it if I decided to become a prostitute?”

Now, bear in mind, I would never consider being a sex worker, and Bill knows it. Prostitution is legal in Germany, but I believe sex workers are required to have regular health checkups. I hate going to doctors. Also, I don’t really enjoy sex that much. I mean, I like it with Bill, but that’s only because we know each other very well and he knows and cares about my likes and dislikes in the sack. Random other people who are paying for sex would neither know nor care about my experience. It doesn’t sound like any fun to me… and at my age, probably wouldn’t be much fun for my hypothetical customers, nor would it pay much. So this was a truly ridiculous question. Bill rewarded me with a facial expression like this one.

WTF?

Followed by one that looked like this…

He made this face in December 2017, when his mom came to visit and we took her on a trip to Berlin. I quipped that he once came out of her and now he comes into me…

And then, inevitably, I get this face…

I would not blame Bill if he eventually got annoyed by my silliness and inappropriate questions. Fortunately, he has a great sense of humor and a lot of patience.

When I met Bill, he told me that he never took good pictures. I would beg to disagree. I have a lot of awesome pictures of my husband and he’s become very tolerant of letting me photograph him. I’m not sure if I would be as patient if the situation were reversed. I don’t like having my picture taken because I often look hideous. Bill has had a lot of bad pictures made, but I’ve gotten good at photographing him. I think it’s because I know him very well and can easily tell when he’s going to make an awesome face. I also love him, so I often capture him at his best. Here are a few handsome pictures I’ve managed to get recently.

Someday, if I outlive Bill, maybe his long lost daughters might appreciate the many pictures I have of their dad. He’s a very handsome man to me, not just because of his physical appearance, but because of who he is inside. I may do a lot of griping about things, but I will never complain about Bill. He’s one of the very few people in the world who almost never annoys me. He truly is loving, kind, thoughtful, and caring, even if he probably indulges me too much. I think we work well together because I encourage him to have fun and remind him that deserves love and respect. And he does the same for me, although our needs are different. But mostly, he’s just a lot of fun, witty and intelligent, and mostly game for new experiences. He has a gentleness about him and a deep capacity to love and forgive. It’s always a pleasure to be with him, and an honor to be his wife.

These pictures remind me it’s time for a trip to Italy or Austria… or somewhere else we haven’t been in awhile. We are very fortunate to have so much fun together and enjoy each other’s company so much. Our idiosyncrasies are actually kind of complementary, which is a rare thing in any relationship. We rarely fight, and when we do, the make up is swift and satisfying, with no lingering bullshit. Neither of us has to walk on eggshells around the other, because we’re both eager to settle any disputes and get on with living peacefully.

Sometimes, I forget how much fun we manage to have just being together… and sometimes, I think people who read my blog think I’m just a negative, unhappy, mean-spirited person. I may be negative and cranky sometimes, but I’m definitely not mean-spirited… at least not to people who aren’t clearly asking for it. If you treat me right, there’s nothing I won’t do for you. But shit on me, and that’s when you’ll certainly see the less fun loving side of my personality. Bill is almost always a peach, even to those who mistreat him, but he’s getting a lot better at enforcing boundaries. That may make other people lament, but it’s the best thing for his own self-preservation. No one can stay healthy or happy being a doormat to other people.

I remember when I first fell in love with Bill. My mom could barely stand it. Mom always told me how obnoxious she thinks I am and, apparently, I was even worse when I found love. She said, “I’m not sure I can stand being around Jenny in love.” Fortunately for her, it’s only happened once.

I’m not sure what we’re going to do today. It’s Columbus Day and we still have beautiful weather. Maybe we’ll go somewhere and do something fun. It would probably be a good idea, rather than sitting around the house watching bad TV and drinking wine. No matter what, I’ll probably ask more inappropriate, offensive, or ridiculous questions to provoke one of Bill’s best WTF facial expressions. If I’m lucky, I’ll catch it with the camera.

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memories

September 11th

It’s that time of year again. Ever since September 11, 2001, Americans go into memorial mode and recall the day when our country was attacked and life changed forever. I have shared this story before, but since it’s September 11th again, I’m going to write about how I spent that day and where it ultimately led me.

I am a firm believer that good things come out of almost every situation. Sometimes you have to look really hard to see the good in a situation. Sometimes things happen that you wish wouldn’t have happened, no matter what positive effect occurred. In my case, I think September 11th helped me find my way to the altar and, ultimately, a better life. I wish it hadn’t happened that way, but it kind of did…

Flashback to 2001… Labor Day weekend. I had just started my third and final year in my dual master’s degree program at the University of South Carolina. Bill had just been transferred from Leavenworth, Kansas to the Pentagon only a few weeks prior. We were both itching for a change of scenery, so I suggested we meet up at my grandmother’s house in Natural Bridge, Virginia. Prior to that meeting, we’d only had one other in person meeting, back in May of that year. The Army had sent Bill to Columbia, South Carolina on business, like they’d done the year prior. I missed Bill on his first visit, but caught him on his second.

I remember after our May meeting, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. He seemed taken with me and repeatedly told me that it would be hard to go back to typing since he’d met me. But then all summer, we kept writing to each other. Seeing him again over Labor Day seemed right. He came down, met my aunt, uncle, and grandmother, and we spent a magical weekend together. We visited Goshen Pass and had a fantastic time…

I took this picture in November 2014, but we visited in September 2001, when it was hot enough for swimming. It was so much fun!

As Bill was leaving Granny’s house, she told me that I should marry him. Granny was, at that time, 95 years old and sharp as a tack. She loved Bill, and after that weekend, so did I. I remember practically floating all the way back to South Carolina. All week, I thought about our amazing Labor Day weekend in Virginia. And then came September 11th.

That morning was absolutely beautiful. The weather was warm and sunny, but not oppressively hot. I wore a short black skirt, bright blue long sleeved blouse, and black tights. Back then, I dressed up most days because I had to look professional. I was planning to actually be a professional, rather than an overeducated housewife. I had to go to my field placement at the Recovering Professionals Program. I was compiling data for a project I was working on when my friend, Jennifer, told me about the first plane that had crashed into the World Trade Center. I didn’t think much of it at the time. She’d heard about it on the radio, so had no visual appreciation for what had happened.

Then the second plane hit.

Next thing I knew, the Pentagon was hit… And I realized that Bill, unofficially my new boyfriend, was at the Pentagon. Bill’s office had just been moved to a different location. It was originally in the area that was hit by the jet airliner that crashed into the Pentagon that day. If they hadn’t moved his office, he probably would have died on 9/11. Then, another plane went down in Pennsylvania. It seemed like the world was ending.

All day long, I wondered if Bill was dead or alive. I was still calling him my “friend”, but I knew we had more than friendship. I’d been chatting with him since November 1999, when we were both making new beginnings. He had separated from his ex wife and I had started grad school. We’d chatted platonically for a few months before he told me about his wife and children. I remember being shocked and sad for him… and, if I’m honest, a little sad for me. I knew I liked him, even in early 2000. But, he was in Kansas; I was in South Carolina; and I never had any intention of ever meeting him offline, let alone marrying him.

But then Ex served Bill with divorce papers at his father’s house over Easter 2000. They were divorced by June 2000. She had a boyfriend living in the house Bill was still paying for, and he was playing “daddy” to Ex’s three kids– two of whom were Bill’s daughters. She gladly took his money every month, but pushed him out of their children’s lives. Bill’s replacement is still married to her and they have had two more children. We hear #3 doesn’t get treated very well at all, but back then, according to her, new boyfriend was practically perfect, and Bill was a bastard who had ruined everything. Ex told Bill no other woman would ever want him. She didn’t know about me.

Fate conspired to have us meet. It was as if the stars aligned for our unlikely union. My aunt’s brother, Ralph, met Bill at a National Guard convention just a few weeks before I met him in person. Ralph is a retired Guardsman as well as a retired Virginia State Trooper. He assured me Bill wasn’t a psycho. I felt safe in meeting him in May 2001 and again in September 2001. By the time Labor Day 2001 was over, I knew I could love him. By the time 9/11 was over, I knew I wanted to marry him.

My mom and I talked on the phone and she told me not to expect to hear from Bill for awhile. Mom is a very experienced Air Force wife, so she was giving me practical advice about Bill, even though she’d never met him and was hearing of my “boyfriend” for the first time. As soon as I hung up the phone, Bill sent me a message on Yahoo! Messenger, letting me know he was okay. He had tried to call me, but the phone number he had for me was one digit off. I swear it wasn’t on purpose that the number was wrong. I probably just forgot it myself. No one ever calls me anyway, even back in 2001, when someone might have a reason to call.

I was very relieved that Bill had survived the terrorist attack, especially since he could have been killed just for being at the Pentagon, and would have been killed if his office hadn’t been moved. And I told him it was time we came out of the closet and told our families we were dating, because if something had happened to him, I never would have been informed. Bill agreed. Weeks later, he and his mom joined my big family at our annual Thanksgiving party in Natural Bridge, Virginia. Bill told him mom he was thinking of proposing and his mom, who was never a fan of Ex, said, “I approve.”

A year later, on November 16th, 2002, Bill and I were married at Virginia Military Institute in Lexington, Virginia. My dad was a graduate, as is an uncle and several cousins. Another uncle and at least two aunts worked at VMI. It’s about fifteen miles from Natural Bridge, which is where my dad’s family calls home. Just last week, 23andMe introduced me to a long, lost relative whose biological father was my great uncle. He was from Natural Bridge, too. It’s fitting that we were married in Rockbridge County, since that’s really my home, even if I never officially lived there.

One of the things that went right on our wedding day.

Our wedding day was imperfect, to say the least. Although the ceremony itself was beautiful and meaningful, some things went horribly awry. The most memorable SNAFU involved Bill’s dad, who was also his best man, locking his knees and almost fainting before we said our vows. And then, after the wedding, we spent two weeks unofficially married, because somehow our marriage license got lost in the mail. It was put in a mailbox in Lexington just after the ceremony, but the Rockbridge County clerk’s office either never got it or misplaced it.

In 2002, Virginia law stipulated, and still stipulates, that newly married couples have five days to file their marriage licenses after the ceremony. Otherwise, the license is null and void. I was waiting for the official license to get to us, but it never did. Bill called the county clerk’s office and was treated very badly by the staff. Eventually, the county clerk got on the phone and told Bill that even if the license was somehow found, it would not be honored, since it got to them beyond the deadline.

Bill and I went to the court in Fredericksburg, Virginia, which was where we were living at the time. We explained our situation, but they told us there was nothing they could do, as we were already “married”. But we were not officially married, so we couldn’t take care of any personal business. And Rockbridge County was telling us that even if they received our license, the deadline had passed and they would not be honoring it. The court clerk was very uncooperative and unhelpful, and offered no solutions on what we could do to fix the situation. In fact, he became quite belligerent with Bill and accused him of being “abusive” (which is real laugh– good thing he didn’t speak to me).

I was shocked by this turn of events… especially since I’ve always known people in Rockbridge County to be nice and helpful, but then in the wake of our wedding, discovered that there are some real assholes living there. My family has been in that county for a couple hundred years and I am probably related to many people who live there and haven’t left… and a lot of people haven’t left. I’m sure some people think I’m an asshole, too, but I can’t imagine why that clerk wasn’t more sympathetic to our situation. What were we supposed to do? Was he on some kind of power trip?

Fortunately, Bill is used to dealing with assholes and he’s also a very tenacious, yet pleasant, polite, and even-keeled kind of guy. He called Virginia’s Attorney General’s office to find out who the Rockbridge County court clerk worked for. Next, realizing it was an election year, he called both our local representative and Rockbridge County’s representative, explained the situation, and told them that he was a 9/11 survivor. I couldn’t get a new Social Security card, military ID, or any other benefits until the clerk did the job the people elected him to do.

Both representatives lit a fire under the clerk’s ass and after our officiant sent him a copy of the license application, the clerk begrudgingly handed over our official license, albeit with a nasty letter falsely accusing Bill of being “abusive” and admitting that he hadn’t wanted to help him because, basically, his feelings were hurt. Seriously?

I don’t like to call people snowflakes, but that guy must be a big one if my husband hurt his feelings. Wow. I have a feeling that the guy was just angry that Bill didn’t let him bully him and demanded that the clerk do his fucking job. Seems to be a trend in our marriage… People mistake Bill’s kindness for weakness and think they can steamroll him, make threats and false accusations, and take advantage. But I know the truth. Underneath that pleasant exterior beats the heart of a true warrior… and anyone who crosses Bill should remember that he makes his living planning battles. Yes, he’s a super nice guy, but he’s neither stupid nor cowardly, and especially now, he doesn’t tolerate bullies (including Ex).

I won’t even get into what Ex thought of our nuptials. Oh, okay… I’ll say this. When Bill told her he was going to propose to me, she asked if I was LDS. Bill and Ex were “sealed” for eternity and, at the time, he was still Mormon. So she wanted to know if I was going to be joining the fold. He said I wasn’t. She said he must love me very much. She was referring to the idea that Bill was giving up “eternal glory” to marry a “Gentile” (that is, a non-Mormon with no plans to convert). We would not be “sister wives” in the hereafter, and she couldn’t use her position as Bill’s first wife and mother of his kids, or LDS “teachings”, to cow me into submission.

In November, we will have been happily married for seventeen years. They have been seventeen years well spent. Would we have gotten married if not for 9/11? Probably. But I think 9/11 definitely sped things along and forced us to admit our feelings and tremendous chemistry for each other. We’ve had our share of problems from the outside, but our marriage has always been rock solid. We get along ridiculously well, and work as partners.

There were some things in my life that I didn’t do right, but I did find the right life partner. And as horrible as 9/11 was, it did show me that I had found the right man and I didn’t want to lose him. So… while I will always feel somber for the many people who died or were injured due to terrorism on 9/11/01, I will also remember that day as the day my life changed for the better. But I will also always remember that it was also a very dark day, as it took away America’s innocence and, I’m sorry to say, its collective spirit of generosity. I truly hope we get some of that kindness back in my lifetime.

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