Tag Archives: blowing up ATMs

Germany, musings

Profound thoughts while in line at the German grocery store…

It’s Monday again. Ordinarily, that might be bad news, since Monday means the end of the weekend. Today, it’s not so bad, because it means we’re halfway through the latest eight nights of TDY for Bill.

I generally hate it when Bill is gone on a trip and I’m stuck here alone. However, it’s not one hundred percent awful. I tend to get things done when he’s gone, because I try to fill up my time. I watch movies and TV shows I’ve had queued for viewing, read books (although my latest one is taking longer than I’d like), and go to the grocery store on my own, which means I end up buying stuff I like on a whim.

This morning, I went to the local Rewe (our grocery store) and bought cookies that looked interesting. We almost never buy cookies. We usually make them ourselves, mainly because having store bought cookies around means we’ll be eating things we shouldn’t be eating. But I saw some in the Rewe that looked interesting, so I got some. There are only six to a package, so I figured I was safe.

I was craving sweets in a terrible way today. I bought ice cream and pudding, too. And I bought some bread and a few healthier staples. I don’t know why I want sweets so much today. I haven’t had a period since January, so I don’t think it’s PMS. It could be because I’ve been on the wagon for the past few days. I can’t even say I’ve even really missed drinking that much. As long as I don’t start, I don’t really feel the need to have a drink. Once I get started, then I have a tendency to get into trouble… as long as I’m at home and don’t have to drive anywhere. I’m more disciplined when I’m out and about.

While I was waiting in the line at the store, I noticed the woman in front of me needed something from behind the counter. The cashier went and got it for her. It turned out to be a pregnancy test. I didn’t realize that they were kept under lock and key here. Actually, I’m surprised they sell them in the grocery stores in Germany. Most health related stuff has to be purchased at the drugstore, where the apothecary will be obliged to offer advice, even if you don’t want or need it. I will admit, of course, that they can be very helpful when there’s a need. But sometimes, all you need is an antacid or something.

Anyway, I realized the lady in front of me must have been a lot younger than I am… it’s been a long time since I last needed a pregnancy test, which I actually didn’t need, because I’ve never been pregnant. It occurred to me that she might have bought it because she thinks she’s pregnant, which, of course, would be a momentous occasion for her. Imagine… here I am, an American, standing in line at a German grocery store, witnessing a woman buying something that could notify her that her life is about to change forever. If you think about it, it’s kind of exciting.

She looked like the type of person who would probably be happy to be a mom, so if she wants to be pregnant, I hope she gets that result. On the other hand, maybe she doesn’t want to be pregnant… Or maybe she was buying that test for someone else, like a friend or a sister… She didn’t look old enough to have a daughter who could be pregnant. Maybe this year on Mother’s Day, she’ll get some life changing news…

I wouldn’t have noticed any of this, under usual conditions. I try not to look at what people have in their grocery carts. I think it comes from my time in social work, and the sensitivity I’ve developed toward people who need assistance buying food. I know a lot of people think it’s their business what people buy, especially if they’re using government funds. Personally, I think we should let people maintain their dignity as much as possible. I wouldn’t want people judging me in that way, so I try not to do it to others. Moreover, government food assistance is such a small part of what taxpayers pay for… and I don’t think anyone in the United States should be going hungry.

I’m not sure if Germany has a program like SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). They probably do… and they probably run it better than we do in America. In any case, I only noticed the woman’s pregnancy test because the cashier had to get it for her. I thought maybe she wanted cigarettes or another tobacco product. In Germany, the packs are covered in warnings and grotesque photos of what happens to people who smoke. Lots of people smoke here, anyway. So I was wondering if maybe she was going to get a pack of cigarettes showing a person with a stoma or mouth or lung cancer… or, if she’s lucky, a guy who is impotent. That one is almost humorous, if not gruesome. But, given that the lady bought a pregnancy test, I guess impotency is not a problem that she, or her presumed significant other, faces…

I noticed the cigarette packages at a different grocery store years ago– an Edeka in Nagold.

After I paid for my groceries and headed out to the parking lot, I noticed that there was a strawberry vendor there. It looked like they had lots of attractive strawberry goods– probably everything from jams to homemade wines. I thought about looking at what they had, but I realized we barely have enough space in the fridge as it is, and while I like strawberries, the seeds have a tendency to get stuck in my teeth. So I skipped the strawberry vendor today… but then when I got home, I realized that I forgot to buy some more half and half. That means I’ll probably be back before Bill gets home on Friday.

We live so close to the store. I really should have just walked there. Maybe next time, that’s what I’ll do… especially since driving means trying to get in and out of our tight parking spot with the Volvo, which has parking assist, but I don’t trust it.

People have been talking about the Rewe lately, because a few months ago, some bandits came in and blew up the ATM that was next to it. The bank has apparently declined to replace the ATM, because they’re expensive, and the bandits will probably just blow it up again. This means that just like pay phones, ATMs are about to be obsolete. That’s pretty crazy, considering that Germany is historically a cash based culture. Right now, thanks to the criminals, people who need cash have to get it at the Rewe after making a purchase. It’s not ideal, especially for poor people or the elderly.

Wow… I’m surprised by how much I gleaned, standing in the checkout line for a few minutes at the Rewe. I really need to get out more. But I won’t be doing that today, because I want to finish reading my book so I can review it. I’m almost done, so I hope to be ready tomorrow. Just a few more days to go before Bill is home. I look forward to his return… and am glad I didn’t need to buy a pregnancy test today.

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animals, songs, true crime

Powerful explosions, pesky varmints, and pearl necklaces…

Special thanks to SurryJohn on Wikipedia, who has granted permission to share his photo of a marten and provided today’s unedited and unaltered featured photo. I have never actually seen the marten who has been digging in the backyard, but my guess is that it looks somewhat like the one in the photo.

Welcome to Wednesday’s post. I’m pleased to report that although Arran woke us up at about 3AM, there weren’t any other big bangs this morning. I am, of course, making reference to the huge boom we heard yesterday morning at about 3:45 AM. Bill and I were actually awake at that time, thanks to Arran and his Prednisolone urges to eat. Poor guy woke both of us up a few minutes earlier; I distinctly remember looking at my iPad for the time. I’m glad we weren’t awakened by the sound of the nearby explosion, because that would have been pretty scary. Of course, there were also emergency vehicles and their blaring sirens interrupting the peace a short while later.

I mentioned yesterday that the explosion came from the sound of some criminally motivated asshole blowing up the ATM at our local REWE (grocery store). Apparently, that’s a thing in this part of Germany (and probably other parts, too). Certain people have taken to blowing up automatic teller machines, likely in an attempt to steal money. I’m actually sure trying to steal the cash is why they do it… but perhaps they also enjoy playing with explosives. In any case, when Bill mentioned this turn of events to his co-workers, he was told that there were similar explosions in their towns, too. Naturally, the idiots who are doing this do it when no one might be hurt… or be able to describe them to the police. On the other hand, they also cause people like me to lose out on beauty sleep.

Not long after the explosion, I was in the backyard cleaning up Noyzi’s poop, when the ground suddenly gave way under one of my feet. That was when I was confronted with the small sinkhole. I had considered that perhaps a varmint was in the yard, but then thought maybe it was an issue with limestone in the soil. Bill spoke to the landlord, who came over and inspected the deep hole and said he thought it was the work of a marder. Marders, otherwise known as martens, are basically like weasels. They like to dig holes and climb into car engines when the weather is cold. They can do pretty serious damage to vehicles. However, even though they damage property and dig holes, it’s illegal to kill them in Germany. The landlord said he would come over and fill up the hole today. Now that I know there are martens in our neighborhood, I now understand why I’ve been finding strange looking poop near the front doorstep. I found a nice sized pile on the doormat the other day, noticing that it was full of seeds… probably from the bushes in the backyard. I’m now assuming the dung came from our wild, backyard, weasel like resident.

And finally, a word on the humble pearl necklace… This is another R-rated Ex related anecdote, so if that’s not interesting, move along…

Still with me? Okay…

My friend Susi shared this short video from a Facebook page called Johnny Rambo…

I suspect the above video may eventually become unavailable, so here’s a brief description. The woman in the video is wailing about being forced to wear handcuffs. She appears to be a victim of domestic violence of some sort. Or, she is at least claiming that her husband lied and victimized her, and she’s upset that she’s been arrested and is in handcuffs at a hospital. She yells that her husband is the one who’s been in jail, and yet she’s there in handcuffs.

I don’t know a single thing about what happened, other than what I can see is in the clip, and what she yells at the nurse who is trying to help her. The nurse tries to explain that the cuffs are for the safety of the woman, the cops, and the medical staff. I remember reading about how, when she was rescued from her kidnappers, Elizabeth Smart was placed in handcuffs. At the time, I was horrified for her, but now I realize that cops really don’t know what a person’s mental status is. Still, handcuffs are very uncomfortable and, in some ways, kind of inhumane. Last year, I had problems with my shoulder being impinged. I kept thinking about how it would be torture to have to wear handcuffs. I couldn’t reach behind my back or raise my arm without significant pain.

Anyway, the woman in the video, drops to her knees in prayer, then snarls at the nurse who suggests taking her blood pressure, saying that she’s been checked all over. “See if I’m pregnant at 66 years old!” she seethes, as the nurse says that’s a possibility (pregnancy at 66!!!). The woman is very dramatic in an over-the-top way, which tells me that she probably gives as good as she gets. She seems outraged and indignant, rather than shattered.

Then she yells, “I know it is. He’s put it in my ear, face, and put it all over me! How would you like to have cum poured all over you?!”

The nurse tells her to stop talking about that, as there’s a child nearby, and the woman snaps, “Well, maybe that child needs to hear about it”, as the video ends. I notice that the lady is well dressed in a charming pink ensemble and she’s wearing a pretty pearl necklace. I like pearls. The pearl is one of my birthstones. As Bill and I were watching this video short, I was suddenly reminded of a story he told me about his ex wife, back in the day. You see, they both went to the same Houston high school as Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top did.

One day, Ex was talking about the song “Pearl Necklace” by ZZ Top. Apparently, she was a fan of the song. I must admit, although I am familiar with ZZ Top, I am hearing the song for the first time this morning…

Apparently, Ex didn’t know what this song was referring to when she was enjoying it…

She came to Bill enthusiastically talking about how great the 1981 song “Pearl Necklace” is… and Bill started to chuckle, because she obviously didn’t realize that this was a song about something other than actual pearls… See the lyrics below:

She’s really upset with me again

I didn’t give her what she likes
I don’t know what to tell her
Don’t know what to say
Everything got funky last night
She was really bombed

And I was really blown away
Until I asked her what she wanted
And this is what she had to say
A pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace
She gets a charge out of bein’ so weird

Digs gettin’ downright strange
But I can keep a handle on anything
Just this side of deranged
She was gettin’ bombed

And I was gettin’ blown away
And she held it in her hand
And this is what she had to say
A pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace

She’s so cold
As pure as the driven slush
And that’s not jewelry she’s talkin’ about

It really don’t cost that much
She was gettin’ bombed
And I was gettin’ blown away
And she took it in her hand
And this is what she had to say
A pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace
She wanna pearl necklace

Ex then got a clue and was supposedly horrified by the song’s reference, even though she is quite experienced in such realms… much more so than I am. I have never had that kind of pearl necklace, and Bill would never give me one, even if I was interested. I know… that’s super gross, but I swear, when I saw that video and heard that poor lady in her pearl necklace talking about being cummed upon by her husband, that old story popped right into my sick mind. God forgive me.

Well, that about does it for today’s blog post. May your day be without random explosions, critters who shit on your doorstep and put deep holes in your backyard, or the wrong kinds of pearl necklaces. Oh… and by the way, Facebook let me out of “jail” yesterday, because they realized that the video below isn’t “sexually suggestive” after I complained. However, they evidently don’t have a problem with a guy sharing a video about a woman talking about being cummed on by her husband. Crazy.

Yes, sharing this video got me put in Facebook jail for a day. There is nothing inappropriate about it. It’s just weird.

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