Ex, family, lessons learned, mental health, narcissists

Narcissists force their victims to “punish” healthy people…

A few months ago, someone in my husband’s family friended him on social media. It was someone my husband hasn’t had a chance to get to know well, so Bill was excited to be Facebook friends with the person. But then, a few hours after friending Bill, the person abruptly unfriended him with no explanation whatsoever.

Bill was non-plussed. What had he done to offend this person? Bill hardly ever posts on social media, although he has admittedly become a lot more politically and socially liberal than he used to be. He also makes no secret that he’s no longer a believer in organized religions, particularly Mormonism. That means he freely curses, drinks alcohol and coffee, and laughs at ribald humor. Did the person look at Bill’s page and decide it was too “raw” for him? He didn’t know.

Although Bill was a little bit sad that this person he’d wanted to know had unfriended him with no explanation, he eventually figured it wasn’t him with a problem; the person who’d unfriended him had the issue. Life went on, and he pretty much forgot about the incident until it was brought up again by a mutual relative.

The mutual relative said that the person had decided to unfriend Bill because of Ex. The person realized that by having a connection with Bill, Ex would possibly have a connection with us. So Bill was unfriended, not because he was “offensive”, but because the other person wanted to spare Bill from offense by keeping Ex out of our sphere. And I suspect, it was also because that person likewise didn’t want any trouble from Ex.

I appreciated hearing that explanation, although I wish the person had thought to send Bill a private message or an email to let him know that the unceremonious “unfriending” wasn’t because of something Bill had done. Bill is a kind, empathic, and thoughtful person, so the truth is, he is a bit sensitive about being liked by others and not wanting to upset or offend them. But then again, when it comes to social media, I guess a lot of people feel that no one really owes anyone else an explanation. That’s one aspect of social media that I don’t like very much. Many of the “friendships” aren’t very authentic, and a lot of them have replaced what used to be “real” relationships with other human beings.

I was recently unfriended by two people with whom I had once hoped to be offline friends. I wasn’t that surprised by their decision to delete me, although perhaps because I’ve spent over half my life dealing with people in person, it still stings a little when “unfriending” happens. I had a feeling the people who unfriended me found me annoying… and the truth is, I found them a little annoying, too. But I realize that in the long run, in very few cases do I end up truly missing the people who leave my Facebook realm. After the initial ego shock of seeing the friend count go down, life goes on and I forget about them.

The people I do tend to miss are those with whom I actually interact or have ever known offline. Failing social media relationships and inevitable “unfriending” is even harder with family members because, if I’m honest, it makes me think they don’t like me at all. And the more I lose touch with people in my family, the more I think the situation is personal, and will be permanent. Thanks to Facebook, I don’t even feel that comfortable thinking about going to the family homestead for a reunion anymore, mostly due to politics and religion and social media behavior. I just assume my family would rather not see me, which makes living in Germany very convenient.

Bill’s younger daughter recently told him that she’d wanted to invite him to her wedding a few years ago. I’m assuming she would have invited me, too, although I don’t know for sure. In the end, younger daughter didn’t invite Bill, because she wanted to avoid drama with her mother. Here it was, younger daughter’s wedding day. She should have felt free to invite whomever she pleased. It should have been her day. But she was more concerned about her narcissistic mother’s feelings and, ultimately, her mother’s behavior. So she excluded Bill, even though I can guarantee he would have been a better behaved guest at her nuptials.

I don’t fault younger daughter for doing that. I might have blamed her some years ago, before I got to know her better. But I don’t feel that way anymore, because we’ve learned more about what happened during the many years in which she and Bill were not allowed to communicate. Younger daughter grew up in an environment where she was compelled to either do what her mother wanted, or suffer dire consequences. It took a few years outside of that environment for her to relax a bit and make decisions for herself.

Younger daughter didn’t even initially tell her mother about her decision to talk to Bill. Even though younger daughter is a grown woman with children of her own, and her mother lives on the other side of the country, she knew there would be trouble. So, instead of telling her mother that, as an adult, younger daughter has the right to live her life as she pleases, she maintained the false reality for a bit longer.

I can relate to younger daughter’s angst on a much smaller and less personal scale. When Bill and I first moved into our current home after leaving the toxic and abusive environment of our last, it took me several months to be able to relax and enjoy the current, healthier living situation. I kept expecting our former landlady to come over and yell at me for something, or give me a look of disgust, disdain, or disapproval as to how I live my life. I was suffering from a mild form of PTSD that had warped my thinking and reality a bit.

The truth is, ex landlady was working for us. We were paying her a lot of money for the privilege of renting her house. I should have simply reminded her of that fact and demanded that she show me basic respect. But that’s easier said than done when you’re dealing with an immature, irrational, narcissistic person. Because, as you quickly find out, narcissists can out-drama most normal, healthy people, and there will be hell to pay if you don’t play their games. So innocent, decent, well-meaning people are “punished” and have to suffer in favor of the narcissist’s need to stay in control. One of the punishments I actually enjoyed, by the way, was ex landlady’s penchant for the silent treatment. Those were actually the best months of our time with her in our lives. Remember, it’s not a punishment to be shunned by an asshole. 😉

Bill and his daughter now talk somewhat regularly. She calls him “Dad” instead of “Bill”, and she lets him see his grandchildren on Skype. She didn’t give in to her mother’s demands that she forget about her father and accept a poor substitute in Ex’s third husband. Frankly, that’s more than Bill had ever expected or hoped for, after his disastrous attempts and failures to co-parent with his ex wife.

But when she speaks to her mother, younger daughter has to listen to Ex complain about how #3 (younger daughter’s stepfather) “misses” her and wants to see “his grandchildren”. Not once has younger daughter ever heard from her stepfather expressing these bereft feelings. Sure, we’ve seen #3 post the odd social media post about how he thinks of Ex’s brood of five as “his kids”, but in reality, it’s all a big facade. In reality, he doesn’t show a lot of regard for Bill’s daughters or former stepson. He’s clearly much more interested in his own kids with the Ex than he is with her other children.

It was the same thing back in 2006, when Ex tried to get Bill to sign legal papers so #3 could adopt Bill’s daughters. He heard from Ex that #3 “loved” Bill’s girls as his own and wanted them to legally be considered his children. Never once did #3 ever personally speak to Bill about the prospect of his legally adopting the girls, just as he’s never spoken to younger daughter about his so-called “love” and affection for younger daughter’s children and thinking of them as his grandchildren.

That’s all a bunch of wishful thinking/fantastical/bullshit that Ex continues to promote. It’s a false narrative of the truth. Unfortunately, it’s easier for the healthier people to continue to tolerate that crap from Ex, than call her on it. It’s easier for younger daughter to nod and smile than tell her mother, in no uncertain terms, that Bill is the father of younger daughter, and younger daughter’s children are Bill’s grandchildren, not #3’s.

Despite Ex’s best attempts to replace Bill with her third husband, her efforts have failed with at least one of Bill’s two daughters. I’m proud of younger daughter for refusing to give in to her mother’s demands that she forget about Bill, because Bill truly loves both of his children and never should have been denied access to them. Denying him access caused a lot of damage that could, and should, have been avoided. And if Ex were a decent person and a responsible parent, she’d understand that it’s wrong to hate her exes more than she loves and respects her children. But, unfortunately, she’s a very toxic person. She’s selfish, delusional, and disrespectful. And because of that, and her propensity to be “dramatic”, good people are punished.

Bill can’t have a social media connection with his own daughter or his son-in-law. Why not? Because it would cause drama with Ex. Either she would object to it, or she would try to exploit the connection somehow. So, even though Bill is by far the healthier parent, he has to be “punished” as a form of protection– both for younger daughter and her family, and for Bill and, to a lesser extent, me. (I’m sure Ex reads this blog, though… and I don’t actually care.)

I think younger daughter is, like me, a bit of a truth teller. Truth tellers are the ones who don’t buy into the fantasy. They don’t fall prey to cognitive dissonance. They see things more clearly than others do, and they tell the truth. That tendency can make them unpopular in a sick family system, particularly when it involves someone with narcissistic tendencies. A truth teller can be a “buzz kill”. Their demands to adhere to reality can really be a downer for someone who would rather fabricate more palatable (to them) lies.

Ex would like to pretend Bill never existed, or, at the very least, see him punished for not continuing to accept her abuse. She suffered an ego blow when Bill agreed to her divorce ultimatum. The ego blow worsened when he found someone else to love him and, clearly, lives a much better life now. She’d rather not face reality and take responsibility for her mistakes. She’d rather make Bill the bad guy and punish him, and she tries to make other people punish Bill, too. But younger daughter is a truth teller, and she doesn’t accept that false reality.

I’m waiting for younger daughter to get fed up with Ex’s demands and tell her mom the way things really are, and how they’re going to be, regarding her children. She may never do it. The reality is, it’s hard to give up on your own mom, even if she is toxic and crazy, and even though there are so many other people in the world who are healthier and kinder. Ex is still her mom, and she has a special place in younger daughter’s life. Plus, younger daughter truly is a lot like Bill. She’s legitimately kind, considerate, and decent.

I feel sad for her. I think she felt like she had to apologize to Bill for “dissing” him at her wedding because of what she knew her mom would do. The fact is, it was her wedding day, and she should have had the right to do whatever she wanted. It should have been entirely her choice as to whom to invite. But Bill completely understands why she felt she had to exclude him, and he can handle it. That’s why he’s the better parent, and he has to suffer for it.

I hope that someday, younger daughter realizes that she has every right to do what she wants and needs to do for herself and her family, even if it causes her mom to bring the drama. I hope that she gets to the point at which she realizes she doesn’t have to tolerate that abuse anymore. If Ex wants to be dramatic, she can do it without younger daughter in attendance. Younger daughter is a grown woman with allies… and she can choose to opt out of the drama. Once she realizes that, maybe she can stop “punishing” the good and healthy people in her life by excluding them.

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politics, Trump

Pissing off my friends and family, one meme at a time…

Okay… actually, I don’t have that many friends and family who are Trump fans and still follow me. This year has really been a test on many levels. The stress of the pandemic, along with the political shitstorm, has made it harder to stay “friends” with people who differ with me politically. I just don’t have the time for the bullshit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still see it sometimes.

A few years ago, I kicked a couple of my cousins off my Facebook page because they would not stop confronting me about my “liberal” views. I don’t really consider myself a liberal, per se. I’m for decency, fairness, and rational thinking. I do have some liberal views, particularly when it comes to social issues. But I also have some conservative leanings. I’m really more of a centrist than anything else, and in the past, voted Republican more often than Democrat. I cannot forgive the Republicans for Trump and Mitch McConnell, though, and as the years have passed, I find myself less and less willing to vote red.

Seriously…

A couple of my cousins refuse to respect the political views of those who don’t think the way they do. They are condescending and overbearing, and I can’t bear to talk to them anymore, even on Facebook. So they had to go… but I’m still friends with people who are friends with them, and I still see their heavy handed condescension toward the precious few liberals in the family.

I swear, Trump could run stark naked down Pennsylvania Avenue, shoot a dozen Black people in the head while fucking half a dozen underaged prostitutes who are also giving him golden showers, and people would still champion him! I don’t understand it. Is it JUST because he’s a “Republican”? Because he’s really not. He never was.

Trump would probably wear these.

People in my family are, by and large, extremely conservative. I have noticed that a few folks have gone to the left, but it’s mostly dyed in the wool red at the ol’ homestead. These folks are basically really good people, but they have cognitive dissonance when it comes to their politics. And they fucking LOVE Donald Trump! One of my very conservative cousins has a daughter who is refreshingly open-minded and, dare I say it? She’s a liberal, and a couple of my relatives can’t stand it. I suspect that since my liberal relative is still quite young, they feel emboldened to browbeat her for her views.

So my liberal first cousin, once removed, has been posting a lot of liberal stuff on her Facebook page. And my cousin– who is her uncle– has been taking her to task much the same way he used to take me to task before I kicked him and his brother (my liberal cousin’s dad) off my page. I have been really tempted to chime in on the discussion because I want to offer support. But then I remember how frustrating and pointless talking with him is and I decide not to. Instead, I give her supportive reactions as I inwardly groan at how offensive his comments are and how sad it is that he has so little respect for an obviously bright, ethical, and humane person.

This cousin, by the way, is the same one who won’t write the word “shit”. He thinks that calling shit “shot” makes him a better person. He is overbearing, argumentative, obnoxious, and bigoted. When I was younger, he seemed like a “strong” person, protective and caring. Now, he just seems like a control freak who can’t respect smart women. It saddens me how dumb he seems to me now, despite his attempt at using big words and his smug, patronizing air.

So when I saw today’s featured photo in the Duggar Family News group, I decided to share it. Not surprisingly, it resonated with a lot of my friends, some of whom also shared it. One friend shared it and immediately offended her Republican friends, who can’t see that supporting a man like Donald Trump makes people question how Christian they really are. More than one of them brought up abortion, which always boggles my mind. If you are truly pro-life, why would you support a man who is doing his very best to fuck up the world for all the babies they want to force to be born?

Listen… there is NO doubt in my mind that Trump has paid for abortions. If he hasn’t paid for them, then he has been supportive of women who get them when they are convenient for him. Donald Trump is a well-known philanderer. It is a fact that he cheats on his wives, and that means he has sex with women to whom he’s not married. How do Christians reconcile the fact that Trump does these things?

Last week, a Christian explained to me that God is using Trump to do “great” things. Really? Is this really just about abortion? I don’t get it. The Jesus Christ that I learned about in Sunday School was about helping the sick, the downtrodden, the poor… and anyone else who needed love, understanding, kindness, and acceptance. What I mostly see among “Christian” Republicans is judging, slut shaming, and an “I’ve got mine; screw you!” attitude. Oh, and they like their guns, too… They’ve got a real problem with a woman terminating a pregnancy– ending the life of an unconscious, undeveloped fetus who has no concept of life or death– but they want their goddamned guns! They have this attitude, even though so many very young people who aren’t so long out of the womb have been killed by guns!

So anyway, my friend who shared the featured photo got two comments from men about abortion. And since it was late and I’d had my wine, I responded thusly…

…until the Republicans champion policies that make pregnancy and childcare feasible for all women, rather than just slut shaming, I really think this particular argument needs to go away. Moreover, men cause 100% of unintended pregnancies anyway… and they are a hell of a lot more potentially prolific than women are.

The guy came back with this comment:

how in the world does that equate to NOT being in favor of killing babies…….. because YOU wouldn’t do it but you’re ok with someone else doing it?

I’m in favor if the moms life is in jeopardy and in rape…… certainly not because someone didn’t “plan” it

I respectfully will not go on after this because you are right, we could go on for days. But to insinuate that Republicans are not Christians is laughable at best, insulting and misleading at worst……… let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I have a problem with those who have “situational ethics”. If you want to grant personhood to a fetus, I don’t see how you can make the argument that abortion would be okay in certain situations. A fetus that is conceived due to rape and incest is just as innocent as an accidentally conceived fetus is. So if you’re against abortion for someone who didn’t plan it– because you think it’s murder— I don’t see how you could ever excuse it in any situation.

Fortunately, I disagree that abortion is murder. I do think there are situations in which it’s better and even kinder to terminate a pregnancy than carry a fetus to term. I always think that all people should have the right to privacy, especially when it comes to their healthcare. And since I do think the mother’s life should supersede the developing fetus’s, I think abortion should remain safe and legal– especially when we have immoral dickheads like Donald Trump in charge. So I responded with this comment:

Honestly, if you support a man who brags about grabbing women by their pussies, you kinda lose some of that moral highground… especially since Trump has a history of molesting women and teenagers. I get being conservative, but there comes a point when you really need to assess your candidate to see if he’s actually championing your ideals. I would bet money Trump has paid for abortions because he has a long and very public history of molesting women and, in fact, even brags about it.

As for abortion, when you can get pregnant and it’s your health, livelihood, and reputation on the line, I will be more interested in what you have to say. As it is now, men will never have to personally face the abortion decision and too many of them simply want to control women, yet do nothing to help when those babies arrive. So I will remain pro choice, and thank God that I will soon be beyond being personally affected by whether or not abortion is legal.

I would not want to see pregnant people turned into vessels with rights and privileges that change because they are pregnant. If we are going to force women to give birth, we have to give them what they need to make raising a child feasible. We have to make sure they have adequate housing, healthcare, nutritious food, transportation, and education. And since Republicans are not about providing those things– because that’s too “socialist” for them– then I think we must allow women to do what is best for themselves. Especially since so many men have little thought for what might happen after they deposit their sperm.

A single man can theoretically get hundreds of women pregnant every year. A woman gets pregnant and she’s going to be busy gestating for nine months and will presumably have just one (maybe two) babies. Why are so many people concerned with controlling what women do with their bodies? And how many of these folks have adopted the children who have already been born and need homes? Why is it any of their fucking business what a woman does with her body? Particularly since so few of the pro-life crowd care about what happens after the baby is born?

Either way, I don’t see how Trump really squares with the truly Christian crowd. He doesn’t behave like a Christian. But then, neither do a lot of the so-called religious role models out there. I’m thinking of people like Paula White, Josh Duggar, and Jerry Falwell, Jr. Smug, rich, white people who like power and money and preach about what Jesus would do, but they don’t actually follow Christ’s teachings are not impressive to me.

So I will continue to share offensive memes for my brave Christian friends who are surrounded by Trump supporters. They can put them on their Facebook pages and start shitstorms of their own. Maybe one or two of those right wingers will get a clue. You want to be Republican and Christian? Fine… start demanding that your representatives act like Christians should act. Otherwise, you’re just a massive hypocrite who has imbibed too much of the proverbial Kool-Aid and had your head swirled by cognitive dissonance. As Trump would say, “It’s not a good look”.

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homosexuality

“Going straight…”

The month of June has been set aside to celebrate gay pride. I happen to have several gay relatives and many gay friends. For some reason, I’ve never been particularly homophobic, even though I grew up in a very conservative, Christian town and, despite having gay relatives, I come from a conservative Christian family. Maybe it’s because I watched a lot of Three’s Company when I was coming of age. There weren’t any actual gay characters or cast members; John Ritter, in his role of Jack Tripper, was simply tasked with acting “gay” so he could fool the landlords into letting him live with his two female roommates.

That show would probably not fly today. People are expected to be tolerant of homosexuality. And, over the past forty years, I have noticed that a lot of people are less freaked out by homosexuality… at least on the surface. Then, there are people who can’t or won’t accept homosexuality and feel the need to speak out about it.

Last week, I read an interesting blog post about Bible translations of the past. The author of the post wrote:

“I had a German friend come back to town and I asked if he could help me with some passages in one of my German Bibles from the 1800s. So we went to Leviticus 18:22 and he’s translating it for me word for word. In the English where it says “Man shall not lie with man, for it is an abomination,” the German version says “Man shall not lie with young boys as he does with women, for it is an abomination.” I said, “What?! Are you sure?” He said, “Yes!” Then we went to Leviticus 20:13— same thing, “Young boys.” So we went to 1 Corinthians to see how they translated arsenokoitai (original Greek word) and instead of homosexuals it said, “Boy molesters will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

This kind of changes everything, doesn’t it? That passage that homophobic people tend to trot out whenever they justify their disdain or outright hatred of homosexuality isn’t necessarily about homosexuality so much as it is child molestation. The blog author looked at other Bibles from other countries and found the same thing. The Bible calls out pederasty, not homosexuality. Also from the post:

“I also have a 1674 Swedish version and an 1830 Norwegian version of the Bible. I asked one of my friends, who was attending Fuller seminary and is fluent in both Swedish and Norwegian, to look at these verses for me. So we met at a coffee shop in Pasadena with my old Bibles. (She didn’t really know why I was asking.) Just like reading an old English Bible, it’s not easy to read. The letters are a little bit funky, the spelling is a little bit different. So she’s going through it carefully, and then her face comes up, “Do you know what this says?!” and I said, “No! That’s why you are here!” She said, “It says boy abusers, boy molesters.” And, in fact, in the Norwegian version, she pointed out, that if you were to line up boys of different ages and say which group of these boys is this referring to, it would be the 8-12 year old group. That was how the linguistics were working and it was obviously referring to the pederasty, not homosexuality!” 

This morning, one of my super Christian relatives posted a video that turned my stomach. It came from a faith promoting Web site called Faith It. The video starred a young woman named Emily who had identified as a lesbian and used to say that Christians shouldn’t judge. When her dad noticed a hickey on her neck, Emily told her father she was gay and dating women. She implies that she led a sinful lifestyle, perhaps not just because of being gay, but because of promiscuity and, perhaps, partying too much. She was very young at the time, and partying too much is what a lot of young people do. I wouldn’t say being a lesbian had much to do with that.

Emily then had an epiphany after attending a Bible study. According to the article my relative shared: “along with the drunkards and other sinners, she saw that those who engaged in homosexuality were also on the list of those who wouldn’t enter the kingdom of God. Thankfully, the following verse offered hope for her redemption — along with all those who would repent of their sinful nature, by the blood of Jesus Christ.” Emily then, apparently, had a change of heart and a change of her sexual preferences.

To those who say they were “born gay”, she says, “It’s not gay to straight. It’s lost to saved.” She says Jesus has to come to lead homosexuals to the “right affections”. God wants us to have families and to have a family the usual way, one must have a man and a woman. Or… at least that’s the easiest way to do it. Being in a homosexual relationship won’t lead to having a traditional family.

Frankly, I find that mindset really upsetting. Plenty of straight people are married and have no children. Sometimes, it’s by choice. Sometimes, it’s not. Even still, I think about homosexuals who have tried to go straight, yet never really love their partner in the way they should. That’s not fair to either party. It’s not right to marry someone and pretend to be attracted to them for the sake of making babies. In fact, it’s often a recipe for disaster, especially for the innocent children who are born to couples that don’t really love each other.

I’m not very close to my super Christian relatives. The older I get, the less I have in common with them. They’re all Trump supporters and, though they spend a lot of time reading the Bible and going to church, they don’t seem to be very Christlike. The relative who shared this video has a niece who is a lesbian. As far as I know, they’re still very close to her. She has a wife and a son. We also have a male cousin who is gay and has been in a committed relationship for over twenty years. I can’t help but wonder what it must be like in their immediate families, dealing with this kind of cognitive dissonance. You have a close loved one who is homosexual and lives the lifestyle, yet you post this kind of trash on social media?

Bill’s sister, who was adopted by his dad and stepmother, is a lesbian. For many years, her Catholic mother lamented that her daughter was destined to go to Hell, just because she loves women. My husband’s stepmother’s best friend is also a lesbian, yet she evidently believed (and perhaps still believes) that her loved ones are going to burn in eternity only because of whom they choose to love. My sister in law and her wife are wonderful, kind, decent people. I refuse to believe they’re going to Hell simply because they’re lesbians. It wouldn’t be right or natural for them to try to be straight. That would be disastrous for everyone involved. If Emily from the video is truly gay, her life will not be easy as she tries to be straight. And it won’t be easy for the men she’s involved with, either, or the children that might come from such a union.

Anyway… I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m disappointed. I don’t understand the extreme religious mindset of people who profess to be Christians, yet don’t act as Christ would. Many of the comments on that video are pretty disheartening and some are downright sickening. I think of all the people I’ve heard about who have suffered because they have been told being gay is unacceptable and wrong. And they have been mistreated simply because of whom they choose to love. In American Bibles, it says that homosexuality is “sinful”, but other Bibles are translated differently. Could it be that those who are pushing this narrative against homosexuals have fallen for an agenda pushed by an organization rather than following the actual word of God? Not that I profess to be an expert on the word of God. I sure as hell am not. It’s just that this attitude against consenting adults loving other consenting adults is strange to me.

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Trump

Vaginas are akin to “landmines”?

Just when I think I can’t dislike Donald Trump more, something comes along to make me reconsider that idea. This morning, I read about Donald Trump’s visit to Arlington National Cemetery in honor of Memorial Day. Some people were praising him for his “love” for veterans. I guess they forgot about Trump’s regrettable comments to the late Senator John McCain, who spent years as a prisoner of war in Vietnam as Trump dodged the draft, or his incredibly insensitive phone call to the wife of a fallen troop, in which he repeatedly referred to woman’s dead husband as “your guy” instead of learning the man’s name.

In any case, when one woman praised Trump and his “love” for veterans and ability to salute properly, a man shared an article from People magazine that dates from 2016. It was about some disgusting comments Donald Trump made to Howard Stern back in the 1990s. Among those comments were these:

  • “It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier,” (said in reference to dating during the AIDS epidemic.)
  • Trump called women’s vaginas “potential landmines” and said “there’s some real danger there.”
  • In 1993, Trump boasted to Howard Stern about his promiscuous lifestyle while he was still single and said that men who didn’t go to Vietnam shouldn’t feel guilty because dating during the AIDS epidemic in the ’80s was also dangerous.
  • Trump said to Stern in that 1993 interview, “You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam — it’s called the dating game. Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam.” (REALLY?)
Yeah… this is a man who honors veterans on Memorial Day, claiming his perverted sex life during the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s is akin to being a soldier in Vietnam. Disgusting.

Of course, Trump later excused those comments as “just words”. He also referred to his infamous statement in 2005 about “grabbing women by the pussy” as “locker room talk”. I remember he also made comments about the late Princess Diana and how he’d always wanted to date her and would sleep with her “without hesitation”, but he’d be sure to “send her to the doctor”, first. He made those remarks in 1997, again on the Howard Stern show, just after the princess died.

Yes, I know he was on Howard Stern’s show and Howard Stern is known for being a “shock jock”. I know Trump’s disgusting rhetoric appeals to a large segment of the population, especially braindead white men who only think with their dicks. What I don’t understand is how this vile, despicable, embarrassing man is the president of the United States. How is it that God fearing, salt of the earth, hard working people with traditional values can embrace this man who would openly refer to their wives’ and daughters’ vaginas as “land mines” and brag about sexually assaulting them, while he presumes that they’ll give him a sexually transmitted disease?

Trump and his family are now in the United Kingdom, where they will meet with Prince Charles, Queen Elizabeth II, and the rest of the family. I wonder if they’ll be able to keep a straight face as they recall the horrible comments Trump made about Duchess Kate when illicit photos of her sunbathing topless were shared in the media. Trump apparently felt it was no big deal that the press invaded Kate’s privacy and published those photos, especially since it meant they would make a lot of money… at least until they were sued and forced to pay £92,000 in damages.

I will never understand women– especially female veterans– who cheer for Donald Trump. I know some people only do it because they want a Republican in office, but it seems like Republicans would want someone decent… or at least qualified for the job. Donald Trump would never be hired for a government service position, and he couldn’t hack the military due to his “bone spurs”. And yet, he’s the president, even after he made disgusting comments that degrade all women and sexually harassed the likes of Princess Diana. I just don’t get it.

After breakfast this morning, I went back to that article that appeared in the Military Times about Trump and Melania at Arlington National Cemetery before their trip to England. I read yet another very active comment thread starting by an apparently delusional woman with total cognitive dissonance, continually expressing admiration and praise for Trump as she reported her plans to visit her father in the cemetery. She seemed to be equating Trump with her father, whom she said served 31 years, and her husband, who is a retired Navy man. People tried to point out the incongruence of comparing draft dodging Trump with guys who’d actually served in the military, but she wasn’t having it. And anyone who said anything to her was either personally insulted or asked if they’d “served” or grown up in a military family. When I couldn’t take the comments anymore, I offered one of my own… something I may regret doing. Here it is:

The amount of cognitive dissonance among Trump supporters is truly astonishing. This is a man who bragged about grabbing women by the pussy and said women’s vaginas are akin to “land mines”. He disparaged John McCain for being a POW, got out of serving in Vietnam (although considers his personal Vietnam the AIDS era, as he did his best to avoid catching STDs while screwing multiple women), and didn’t even bother to show up to the cemetery last year because of rain.  

I get wanting a Republican in office, but why in the world don’t Republicans demand a person with more strength of character, experience, and decency? Trump could never be hired for a regular government job. And I say this as the daughter, niece, cousin, and wife of many people who served in the military. I myself served in the Peace Corps, which is yet another way to “serve”. I would hope those of you crowing about how non-veterans have no right to an opinion about the military would consider the fact that many people put on a uniform every day to protect that right for ALL Americans.

Well… I will go on record as saying yes, I am married to an Army vet, the daughter of an Air Force vet, and have uncles, cousins, and even an aunt who served in all branches of the military. I, too, have even “served”, though not in the military, but as a Peace Corps Volunteer (there is more than one way to serve one’s country, although I would never refer to myself as a veteran). I feel plenty qualified and entitled to offer my opinions about 45. I think it’s a disgrace that he was even allowed to run for president, let alone elected. I have hope that people will wise up and vote differently in 2020, but when I read all of the mind numbingly stupid comments on articles by the Military Times or similar publications, it makes me realize that there’s an epidemic of people who are simply blinded to reality and care much more about “getting theirs” than people as a whole. Unless, of course, the people in question happen to be “unborn”.

Anyway… good on Trump for visiting the cemetery to honor Memorial Day, even though he will be out of the country for the actual holiday. I think I’d be a lot more impressed if he’d just simply vacate the White House and go back to being a sleazy B grade celebrity on Howard Stern’s radio show. He’s not fit to be president. And, as stupid, misguided, and tone deaf as I found the pro-Trump comments from that woman who kept bragging about her dead veteran father at Arlington, I’ll bet her late dad and her husband are much better men than Trump is on his least offensive day… which I assume would be when he’s under anesthesia, comatose, or something.

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