controversies, music, politics, racism, social media

People “trying that in a small town”…

The featured photo is a screenshot of a map of the area where I grew up, from 1980-90. It’s gotten bigger in terms of population, but the mindset remains frighteningly much the same as it was 40 years ago…

It’s a cool, rainy morning here in Germany, and we’re on day two of Bill’s latest TDY trip. Yesterday, I booked the first three nights of our next trip together. It’s our biannual trip to the dentist in Stuttgart, which I’ve started turning into an opportunity to visit other places within driving distance. I already explained in my travel blog how we came to decide on the Czech Republic for our next journey, but before we head there, we have to get our teeth cleaned. So, for the first three nights, we’ll stay in the charming town of Tübingen, a place we already know well and love.

As I sit here thinking about how I want to arrange the rest of our trip, I can’t help but reflect more on Jason Aldean’s current hit song, “Try That in a Small Town”. I wrote a blog post about it a couple of days ago. It was mainly based on my initial reactions to the song and its video, which came across as belligerent and obnoxious to me. Unlike some people, I didn’t initially see the song as blatantly racist. There truly aren’t any lyrics within the song itself that are obviously aimed at people of color.

The video, on the other hand, seems very much geared to spin up the MAGA extremists. Parts of the video were shot at a Tennessee courthouse where a Black teenager was lynched in 1927. Those who defend the video point out that the same courthouse in Columbia, Tennessee has been featured in Disney films and other productions. That point, to me, seems irrelevant, though, when you consider that “Try That in a Small Town” is a song about small town folks kicking ass and taking names against anyone who dares to step out of line (in their view). It seems to me that in a country as large as the United States is, another courthouse location could have been used… or, perhaps a different type of place, altogether. They could have used bucolic landscapes, instead of a courthouse.

@destineenstark I may be petty, but my THOROUGH and petty! 😂 Here is my dissertation debunking Jason Aldean’s claims about his 🎶🎥 propaganda. #jasonaldean #countrymusic #debunked #debunktok #factsoverfeelings #propganda #americanpropaganda ♬ original sound – Destinee Stark

There are many very quick clips of violent uprisings and riots shown in the video. However, TikToker Destinee Stark was among the first people to determine that a lot of the clips that were used weren’t actually from events that occurred in the United States. More worrying is that Ms. Stark is now reportedly receiving racist and violent hate mail from fans of the song. It seems to me that if this song is so innocent, people wouldn’t feel the need to harass Destinee Stark for simply having and sharing her opinions, as well as real evidence that the video is a crock of shit. Stark discovered that one clip used in the video came from an event in Berlin. Another clip was stock footage easily found online. Other clips were also questionable as to whether or not they originated in the United States. Of course, no footage from January 6th was used at all.

According to the linked article on NBC News:

“I just think that people have a right to know,” Stark said. “Things like this, they inform politics and it informs how we vote, how we see the world and who we interact with. And I just think that if we’re consuming content that’s not even accurate, that it’s just propaganda. And it’s just fueling people, you know, to commit more violence.”

As I mentioned in my first post about this song, I don’t think Aldean should be censored or canceled. I do wish, however, that instead of racing to defend this song and its message, people would take a few moments to consider the other side what is being communicated. A lot of people are claiming that this song is just about standing up for small town values and people “protecting their own”. As someone who grew up in a small town and both witnessed and experienced the negative side of that upbringing, I can truthfully state that the message in “Try That in a Small Town” is a bit distorted. It IS true that if you were born and raised in a small town, and people there consider you to be “okay”, you probably will get help from your neighbors when you need it. But if you’re different somehow, you will probably face harassment and suspicion. And people can be very slow to change their opinions in small towns.

Take for instance, a news item that came up in my memories a few days ago. Three years ago, some people of Mathews, Virginia– a county adjacent to Gloucester County, which is where I grew up– were very upset because there was talk about renaming an elementary school. The school in question, then named Lee-Jackson Elementary School, was named after Confederate war heroes Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson. I see that today, the school is called Mathews Elementary School. If you click this link, you can see who showed up to demand that the name didn’t change. It’s a whole lot of older White guys carrying Confederate Battle flags.

I don’t know for certain, but my guess is that a lot of those folks aren’t that interested in education in the first place. Most educated people would not show up to a public event in the United States carrying flags and signs that are deemed overtly racist. Even if someone privately sympathizes with the “good ol’ boys”, smart people don’t go around broadcasting what a lot of people would associate with naked racism. It’s not good for business.

*Things haven’t changed in over 40 years…*

Looking at the photo from July 2020, I am transported back about 4o years, when my parents first moved us to Gloucester. In those days, Gloucester was a VERY rural place, and Mathews was even more rural. It was not uncommon to see the “stars and bars” displayed everywhere. I well remember being bullied when I arrived in Gloucester, because I was “different”. Every day, I would come from school in tears because people in my class and on my bus harassed me. But, at least I was straight and White, and in spite of being a little eccentric, I really wasn’t that different than other people were. I did eventually fit in somewhat, even though it took about a year or two (to a child, that is an eternity).

Other people weren’t so lucky. I remember a lot of race based fighting when I was in high school, mostly between Black people and folks from an area of the county called “Guinea”. It was well known among my classmates that Guinea was a place you didn’t want to go to after dark, unless you were from there. I know there are good people in Guinea, but it did not have a good reputation, at least when I lived in Gloucester.

Years later, Gloucester was in the news because of a transgender student named Gavin Grimm, who took his case to the Supreme Court in order to be able to use the boys’ bathroom. I had long left Gloucester by the time Gavin Grimm was in the news, but I do recall reading some pretty horrifying hate-filled letters to the editor from our local newspaper, which I still follow. In August 2021, the Gloucester County School Board was ordered to pay Grimm $1.3 million to resolve the lawsuit.

I was inspired to write today’s post, in part, because of an op-ed I read in the Washington Post. It was written by Brian Broome, a gay Black writer who grew up in a small town in northern Ohio. His piece, titled “Jason Aldean? Please spare me the small-town nostalgia.”, is a shout out to those of us who were deemed different somehow, yet stuck growing up in a small town, where people refused to accept our differences. Broome no doubt had it much worse than I ever could have. But, instead of his community embracing and protecting him, as Aldean’s song suggests, Broome experienced racism and homophobia. And instead of being encouraged to speak out against the discrimination, Broome was encouraged to “shut up and color”. He was not free to be himself, and he couldn’t wait to leave that stifling small town, where too many people thought too small, and had no time for differing opinions or new experiences.

I was further inspired today when I noticed the most recent crime log from Gloucester, Virginia. It looks like it covers the last month. The list of reported crimes include things like DWI, assault & battery, grand larceny, breaking & entering, strangulation, and a host of other offenses. Granted, Gloucester has grown a lot in population since I was coming of age there, but it’s still a very conservative place, and it’s still sort of a “small town”. I wouldn’t say that the sentiment of Aldean’s song is ringing true there. People are still misbehaving, with no blowback from the locals. Not that I’d necessarily want the locals to engage in vigilantism, as Aldean’s song suggests. I guess it just goes to show that the sentiment in the song is a bit mythical, and it’s designed to inflame right wingers, who don’t embrace people who aren’t like them. And that doesn’t necessarily just mean people of color, either.

Here’s a gallery of screenshots from the local paper, Glo Quips, referencing people “trying that in a small town” over the past month… Eleven whole pages!

If Aldean and his songwriters really believe in their lyrics, maybe they should focus more on being tolerant and decent to other people, rather than promoting vigilantism and suspicion. “Try That in a Small Town” just sounds to me like a bunch of scared people rattling their sabers, threatening those who don’t subscribe to the typical small town mindset. I suspect that the song is intended to rile up the right, as another election cycle gets into full swing. Lots of people are terrified of the idea that people other than conservative Christian white males might be on top, for a change. So, instead of being positive and peaceful, they spin up more divisiveness with threatening, belligerent anthems that aren’t even based on actual events in the United States. And the less curious among us are lapping it up with gusto, believing the narrative without a second thought as they holler about how “non-racist” the song is.

I wish some of those people would stop for a moment and consider that real freedom should be for everyone… and maybe it’s time to think of the whole country as a “small town”, where people look out for each other. Or hell, maybe we can consider that the whole world is full of good people— people who, when it comes down to it, have blood just as red as yours is.

history, politics, racism, social media, YouTube

“Let’s compare swords…” Watching ridiculous arguments on social media…

Salutations, y’all. Today’s post comes courtesy of the Exploring Virginia Facebook group, a group that is supposed to be about celebrating the beautiful state of Virginia, but often ends up with people arguing politics among themselves. I guess it makes some sense, since Virginia used to be a staunch red state, but it’s now turned purple, as more people from the North move to the South.

I know there are a lot of people out there who don’t think of Virginia as a southern state. Those people are just plain wrong. In fact, Virginia is not just a southern state. It’s where the Confederacy was based for the longest period of time. Spend some time south of Northern Virginia, and you will soon see why it’s a southern state. Lots of people in Virginia are still very staunch Republicans, and many of them are still very proud of their southern roots. And, some of those people are still fighting the Civil War, which supposedly ended on April 9, 1865.

Virginia boasts a lot of Civil War sites. Lots of people come to Virginia to see those sites. Some even go there to do Civil War reenactments. George Carlin famously quipped about how some people still enjoy fighting a war that ended so long ago. See below…

“Use live ammunition, assholes, would you, please?”

George Carlin really was a genius. But, I digress. Also, I wouldn’t want to encourage more people to use live ammunition in the United States. All too many people are quite willing to open fire on their neighbors.

In any case, this morning, I came upon someone’s post about the Civil War Graffiti House near Culpeper, Virginia. Someone happened to visit there recently, and decided to share their photos with the group. Lots of people who fought in the Civil War on either side of the issue covered the house’s walls with graffiti. That’s cool, right?

Well, naturally, that post sparked controversy. Behold…

Now, I was born and raised in Virginia, so I’ve been hearing the southern version of events for most of my life. Many southerners insist that the Civil War was 100 percent about states’ rights. And today, in 2023, if anyone in their presence dares to say it was about slavery, they suddenly become “Civil War scholars” /sarcasm, and it turns into a hostile argument. Check this out…

*This was a conversation between three men. Notice how one of them becomes very condescending as he writes that one of the other guys “learned very little in school.”*

I don’t actually remember learning a lot in school about the Civil War. Granted, it was a long time ago. But I went to a public Virginia high school in the mid to late 1980s, and back then, there wasn’t as much political correctness as there is now. My guess is that I learned the state approved version of events regarding the Civil War. I did have a very good teacher. His name was Mr. Zuger. He also taught my older sister, who is eight years my senior. Mr. Zuger is a UVa graduate. He probably knows his stuff. *shrug* He also used to eat chalk.

I do remember there were a lot of things we had to cover in history class, so I doubt we spent a whole lot of time poring over historic documents or having in depth discussions about what the Civil War was really about. I doubt it would have gone over well, though, if a teacher told students that it was about slavery. Where I went to school, there are many proud southerners who are very rigid in what they think and believe. In those days, quite of a lot of them were comfortable openly displaying Confederate battle flags. They saw nothing wrong with it. To them, it was a symbol of “southern pride”. While I admit I don’t know for sure, my guess is that where a person went to school has/had a lot to do with what historical perspectives regarding issues like the Civil War are taught. I would imagine it’s taught differently in Alabama or Georgia versus, say, California or Vermont.

I didn’t take any history classes in college, beyond Western Civilization. But– as an English major, I was exposed to a number of historic works in literature, and there I did have occasion to read slave narratives, poetry, novels, and other works that were either written during the Civil War era, or were by Black authors. So, although I didn’t read much about official 19th century era state government policies, I was exposed to the stories passed down by actual slaves. And having had that experience, I can’t help but not give a flying crap about why the Civil War was fought. I care about the end result, which was that slavery was officially abolished, and it became illegal for U.S. citizens to buy, sell, and own other human beings and treat them like livestock. Granted, officially ending slavery did not fix everything for Black people, but it was an important start. And that, to me, is what is most important.

But not everyone is like me, as I continually find out on a daily basis. Because these guys continued to compare swords. Have a look.

*This comment is from the same guy. He addresses two other men. One is on his side; the other is in opposition.*

Notice how the dude in the above comment addresses his opponent as “sir”, but does so in a belittling way. He doesn’t really think of the other guy as a “sir”. He’s not being respectful. He’s being a bit patronizing, as he lectures the guy who disagrees with him about the cause of the Civil War. I’m not sure why it’s so important to him to insist that people up north didn’t care about slavery, or that Democrats circa the Civil War era wanted to maintain slavery. Clearly the version of the Democrat Party that existed back then does not exist today.

I’m not saying the Democrats are perfect. They definitely have their problems. And I’m not saying that Republicans don’t have cause to be irritated by far left thinkers. I find some of what they say and do rather insufferable, too. But it’s pretty clear that in 2023, Democrats are more interested in promoting and maintaining human rights and fairness to everyone. Republicans are focused on maintaining cheap labor, low taxes, and white male supremacy. And they champion leaders who are nothing like Christ, even though they claim to care about Christian values.

*Jeez… everything has to turn into a political argument!*

Personally, I think a lot of “Civil War buffs”, who are obsessed with proving that the Civil War wasn’t about slavery, are really just a bunch of white guys who want to divorce themselves from the reality of what slavery actually is. They bring up economics, and the fact that in the South, there were vast plantations where cotton was grown. It was a labor intensive job to grow and pick cotton, and the plant thrived in the South. But we didn’t have the modern machines back then that we have today, so a lot of manpower was needed in order to be able to send the cotton up North, where it could be turned into textiles, which were then sold for money.

The way they phrase it, the southerners were team players, doing a solid by growing cotton for the United States, and slaves were a necessary part of the plan, because no one was immigrating to the South. Because they needed the labor, and no “white” people who could be paid were moving down there, they had to enslave black people to get the job done. Or, at least that’s what one of the above commenters wrote. The way he frames it, those liberal northerners were trying to use the government to take over and turn their plantations into government owned communist paradises, and if only more white people had moved down South, they could have had well-paying jobs!

Now… I wish to reiterate, I don’t actually agree with that take on things. One commenter writes that “slavery was on its way out” and slave owners were letting their slaves go. But as I sit here and think about it, I wonder… Was this really a situation in which wealthy white men with FREE labor and access to female enslaved people for sex were suddenly having an attack of consciousness and saying, “Gee. I’ve owned these people for long enough. It’s time I did the right thing and let them go so they can pursue their own interests.”? That doesn’t seem very realistic to me.

Seems to me that even if some people were actually doing that– having a change of heart and turning their slaves loose– that wouldn’t stop other people from recapturing freed enslaved people and forcing them back into slavery. So even if a former slave owner decided to be decent and stop enslaving people, the people they freed would still be in great danger. Because, clearly, not everyone felt that way about ending slavery. Greedy people still abound today, and we still have many business leaders who, if they could get away with it, would continue to pay as little as possible and offer no benefits to workers so that the business owners and stockholders can get richer. Meanwhile, the working poor who don’t have enough money, even though they work three part time jobs with no benefits, are told they should stop complaining, and simply “work harder” or get another job.

When I think about the Civil War era and slavery, I do feel emotional. I think about what it must have been like for the Africans who were kidnapped and forced in chains on a boat, taken across the Atlantic Ocean in deplorable conditions, and then required to work very hard on plantations, while living like livestock. I think about women who were used for sex and forced to give birth in chains, then separated from their babies, as they were forced to be “wet nurses” for wealthy white women. I think about enslaved mothers watching their children being sold.

My guess is that the Confederate fans don’t like to think about those things. They’re focused on money, much like the people today who will happily champion a criminal like Donald Trump so they can have $1.89 gas again. They don’t want to talk about what that would mean for the people who aren’t courted by Trump… which, really, includes all of us. Donald Trump doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Whatever promises he makes are made only to score votes.

Otherwise “decent people” who admire Trump don’t want to think about what happens when the focus is only on money and commerce. They overlook the concept of greed, and the sins that many people will commit in the name of being greedy. When there’s the prospect of wealth and power on the table, some people find it easy to ignore the pain and humiliation suffered by people who are less wealthy and powerful. They don’t have time to think about how they might feel if it were them wearing the chains, being brutally whipped for some transgression, after performing twelve hours of backbreaking labor in the hot sun. And this, all because they have dark skin and were born somewhere far away, with different cultures, mores, and customs…

Granted, the United States is not the only place where slavery has ever existed. In fact, slavery continues in some places even today… even within the United States, actually. But to continually argue with strangers about what caused the Civil War is, to my mind, a ridiculous waste of time. To me, the main point is that the Civil War officially ended slavery, and the U.S. government slowly started recognizing people of color as human beings, worthy of basic human rights. Certain white people have been pissed off about that ever since. Some of them continue to try to make themselves feel better by not thinking about the actual horrors of slavery, and empathizing with how they might have felt if it had been them in chains. They just want to minimize the horrors by talking about economics and arguing about what events caused the Civil War.

Well… part of me wonders if I should stop following the Exploring Virginia page. It seems like so many posts turn political, and then they quickly become insulting. But, I can’t deny that those posts do offer some food for thought.

If you have the time and inclination, I highly recommend watching the brilliant actress, Azie Dungey, on the YouTube series, Ask A Slave (produced by Jordan Black). It’s very interesting and entertaining, and the episodes are based on ACTUAL questions she fielded when she was a living history character at Mount Vernon. Below is one of several videos she made.

Classic… I grew up near Williamsburg, Virginia, and I got to know a lot of historic interpreters working at Colonial Williamsburg. They often encountered tourists with dumb comments like these… and a lot of them tried to play “stump the chump”.

memories, movies, social media

Repost: White people who lack empathy… or, I’m glad I never met “Margaret’s” racist brother…

This is a repost. I wrote this hybrid movie review/story entry for my original Blogspot version of The Overeducated Housewife on June 15, 2017. I reposted the first part of this story on May 28, 2021. I’ve decided to repost this follow up today, because I’m not quite ready to post fresh content. It might be advantageous to read the first part of this story before reading this one. I’m leaving this mostly as/is.

Last night, I watched a movie I hadn’t seen in probably thirty years or more. The film was called Carbon Copy. It was released in 1981 and starred George Segal and Susan St. James. It also featured a young and talented Denzel Washington, who was making his film debut. I used to watch that movie on HBO all the time when I was a kid, though I didn’t understand it as well back then as I do today.

A trailer for the film, Carbon Copy…

I was moved to purchase Carbon Copy because it had a very catchy theme song that I got stuck in my head. With music by Bill Conti and lyrics by Paul Williams, the bouncy tune was definitely an ear worm, if not a bit dated. Having watched the film last night, I can honestly say I enjoyed it. It’s basically a satirical look at racist white people and the stupid things they say and do.

The story begins with Walter Whitney (Segal) in bed with his frigid wife, Vivian (St. James). She’s not into him and he’s frustrated. He gets out of bed and we immediately see that he lives in a fabulous mansion in fictional San Marino, California. Whitney is a wealthy ad executive and has all the trappings of success. He has a pretty wife, a beautiful home, a well-paying job. But money doesn’t buy everything.

Walter’s wife is a snob. His stepdaughter, whom he apparently adopted, treats him with contempt. His father-in-law is his boss and treats him with condescension. Even his job was handed to him with strings attached.

One day, Walter gets a blast from the past. A young black guy named Roger Porter (Washington) shows up at his office asking for him. He mentions that he’s the son of Lorraine. Lorraine is a dear friend of Walter’s, though he hadn’t seen her in many years. Walter’s face lights up at the mention of her name. He asks his secretary to send Roger in for a visit. Roger comes in, parks his ass at Walter’s desk and drops a bomb on him. He’s actually Walter’s son!

At first, Walter doesn’t believe him. I wouldn’t believe him, either, since Roger/Denzel doesn’t look like he’s biracial; but hey– it’s the movies, right? Roger then convinces Walter than he is his long lost 17 year old son and his mother has just died. Walter, being somewhat decent, decides he has to help Roger. He brings him home after pitching the idea of hosting a black kid to his racist wife.

Both Walter and Vivian are extremely ignorant, condescending, and racist to the point of ridiculousness. They wrongly assume Roger is a high school dropout who has no idea how civilized people live. He’s served fried chicken as they tell him he’ll be attending the Presbyterian church, even though Roger says he’s a Baptist. They force him to stay in the garage instead of their home.

Then, when Walter and Vivian have an argument, Walter tells his wife he’s really Roger’s dad. Vivian’s reaction is extreme, to the point of needing a doctor and a minister. In short order, Walter finds himself tossed out on the street with his son. He’s abandoned by his friends, his family, even his doctor, lawyer, and minister.

Walter and Roger move into a cheap motel, then a crappy apartment and Roger soon finds himself shoveling horse shit. As he’s knocked off his powerful white station in life, Walter supposedly learns something about what it’s like to be black. He realizes that his former life was a very fragile sham– an illusion of decency and decorum. Walter develops empathy and appreciation for his son. He rejects his shallow existence and becomes a much better person.

Funny scene about assumptions some white people make about black people…

Carbon Copy is kind of a silly movie and it makes its points with over the top gags that require viewers to suspend their disbelief. There were parts of the movie that were actually a little offensive to me today, although they probably wouldn’t have been in the less politically correct early 80s. And yet, after yesterday’s post, I realize that it was kind of appropriate that I was watching that movie. I realized that many white people still have a long way to go.

Yesterday, because I was curious about “Margaret”, my very first roommate at Longwood College, I went into obsessed fan mode and looked up her brother. I wondered if he was anything like her. Granted, almost 27 years have passed since I was last in the same room with Margaret. For all I know, she may have evolved into a decent person. Still, her behavior in 1990 was very strange, even for a stupid 18 year old. I went looking to find out if Margaret’s brother– also adopted– was as big of an asshole as his sister was.

Looking at his Facebook page and the page made for their father’s business, I can see that Margaret’s brother works for their father. He’s got a bunch of public stuff on his Facebook page. Some of it’s fairly innocuous. Like, for instance, I learned that Margaret’s brother– let’s call him Chip– is a proud father of four. He’s happily married and a Christian. He loves being Southern and living in the South.

I also learned that Chip is a firm believer in Donald Trump’s genius. He thinks that transgender people should be forced to use the bathroom corresponding to their genitalia. He obviously considers himself a “gentleman” and promotes attitudes reflecting conservative values. He’s probably pretty sexist, too.

Further down the page, I find the following…

Chip expresses some very ignorant and rather offensive views about the Civil War and the Confederacy. I can see that he’s clearly very proud of his Southern heritage and he’s against the recent moves to get rid of Confederate war memorials.

Having lived in South Carolina myself, at a time when the stars and bars were still flying over the South Carolina Statehouse, I can see where these opinions formed. To be honest, I am not a fan of trying to whitewash history. The fact is, there was a Civil War. The South lost, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t great leaders from the Confederacy. Should we still be publicly celebrating them in 2017? Perhaps not. But I can understand why some Southerners want to hang onto their memorials, even if I don’t agree with them. They do have a right to their opinions, ignorant as I might think they are.

On the other hand, the Civil War has been over for a long time. The South is a part of the United States, not an entity unto itself. And while I’m sure Chip is “nice” to black people he sees face to face, I have a feeling that deep down, he’s quite racist. Maybe that doesn’t matter to him. Since I don’t know him, I can only base an opinion on what I can see in the messages he broadcasts publicly on social media.

I read that Chip’s father served on some board at UVa. that celebrates diversity. He also served as a Peace Corps Country Director in Jamaica. How does that jibe with his son’s evidently racist views? These attitudes don’t form in a vacuum.

I read up on Chip’s mother, evidently a woman very proud of her Greek heritage. She and her husband met on a blind date when she was working for Senator Strom Thurmond. I happened to be living in South Carolina at the tail end of Thurmond’s time in the South Carolina legislature. Although he was much celebrated in South Carolina, Mr. Thurmond had some pretty racist views, especially in his early political days. If Chip’s mom worked for Mr. Thurmond in the 60s, she probably has some racist ideas, too. I know that racist ideas often die hard, especially in older people. On the other hand, maybe she’s evolved. Based on her Facebook page, which also celebrates Donald Trump, I doubt it.

According to Wikipedia: During his 1948 campaign, Thurmond said the following in a speech, being met with loud cheers by the assembled supporters: listen (help·info)

I wanna tell you, ladies and gentlemen, that there’s not enough troops in the army to force the Southern people to break down segregation and admit the Negro race into our theaters, into our swimming pools, into our homes, and into our churches.[6]

There was a time when Chip’s views weren’t that strange to me. I grew up in Virginia, which despite being geographically pretty far north, is a very Southern state. I spent time with people like Chip, although I don’t think most of the people I hung around with regularly were quite as drunk on the southern pride Kool-Aid as Chip appears to be. But his attitudes are not unfamiliar to me. When I was younger, I probably even agreed with them to some extent. Then I left the country a few times and started getting to know people from other places. My opinions began to change, hopefully for the better. I like to think I have a broader mind now than I did twenty years ago, although I’m sure I still have a ways to go.

It’s funny that a silly comedy like Carbon Copy, which was made in 1981, is still so relevant today. If you watch the film, you can see that it goes to extremes. Walter Whitney tells his wife he’s the father of a black son and, just like that, he gets ousted from his cushy lifestyle. We all know that it wouldn’t actually happen that way. In reality, Walter’s downfall would probably be a bit more like Dan Aykroyd’s was in Trading Places, a 1983 film also starring Eddie Murphy.

Trading Places’ plot was somewhat like that of Carbon Copy’s. Basically, a rich white guy gets knocked off his pedestal by a black guy. He ends up living in a way he never thought he would, while the formerly broke black guy takes his place. It’s not quite the same execution, but the message is similar. Many people have a lot to learn about empathy.

Trading Places trailer…

Anyway, if you haven’t seen Carbon Copy, I’d recommend it. It’s a bit dated and kind of silly, but it does drive home a point that is still valid over 35 years later. And then, when you’re done watching Carbon Copy, you can watch Trading Places, which was a more famous and successful film about the same thing.

As for Margaret and her dysfunctional clan, I think I’m done peeking into their lives. My curiosity is now satisfied, probably for at least another 27 years.

social media

“Shame, shame… everybody knows your name!” When people of today, shame others over events from the past…

Back in the 80s, I used to love watching sitcoms on television. One of my favorites from those days was Alice, which, over several years, starred Linda Lavin, Vic Tayback, Beth Howland, Polly Holliday, Diane Ladd, and Celia Weston. A few years ago, I downloaded the entire series and watched all of the episodes. As I was watching the show, I had forgotten that Alice, along with many other TV shows from that era, wasn’t always “politically correct” by today’s standards.

I remember one episode featured cast members from The Dukes of Hazzard, which was a huge hit in the early 80s. I was still a child in the 80s, and I grew up in southern Virginia, where people proudly displayed Confederate battle flags. Consequently, when Alice originally aired in the 80s, I wasn’t shocked when an episode featured Boss Hogg and Enos, of The Dukes of Hazzard. Mel Sharples (Tayback), crotchety owner of Mel’s Diner, welcomed them by putting little Confederate battle flags on all the tables. In those days, seeing that flag was pretty common and even considered “normal”, especially in the South. I was about ten years old, anyway, and at that time, didn’t know anything about racism, or any of the issues surrounding that topic.

Yes, Enos and Boss Hogg visited Mel’s Diner.

I would later learn much more about racism, and why the Confederate flag is so offensive to many people, but I’m probably still pretty ignorant about the subject. What I know is mostly based on book learning and conversations I’ve had with people of color. I did happen to live in South Carolina when the Confederate flag was finally taken down from the top of the Statehouse dome. Because I was living on the campus at the University of South Carolina, I could actually see the flag come down from my apartment, as it was also being televised on CNN. The flag was moved to the Statehouse grounds, where it was guarded by a state trooper for some time. I believe the powers that be in South Carolina eventually removed the battle flag from the Statehouse grounds altogether, although I can’t swear to it, since I haven’t been in Columbia in years.

*This certainly wouldn’t fly today… but it was considered perfectly fine in the 80s. We can’t change that by shaming people.*

One thing I remember from Alice was that the character of Vera, played by Beth Howland, was famously ditzy, “dinghy”, and batty. One of Vera’s best remembered taglines was “shame, shame… everybody knows your name!” She would always say it with the appropriate level of disgust and disdain, which usually got a laugh from the studio audience. That old line is in my head this morning, as I reflect upon a shaming comment I received this morning from a complete stranger. It’s actually one of a few unpleasant interactions I’ve had with complete strangers on Facebook over the past 24 hours.

I’m in a Facebook group called “Exploring Virginia”. It’s mainly a “feel good” group in which people share beautiful photos and memories of Virginia. I spent most of my childhood and a good portion of my young adult life in Virginia. It’s my home. I was born there, and both sides of my family of origin have been there for generations. I spent my childhood riding horses, and since my discipline was “hunt seat”, that means I went on the occasional fox hunt. Virginia, being one of the original British colonies, does have a lot of traditions that are British. Some people are continuing those old traditions, even if they seem wrong now.

Yesterday, someone shared a photo from a fox hunt in Middleburg, Virginia. Middleburg is horse country. I never lived in Middleburg, but I do know that’s where a lot of really stellar hunter jumpers are born and bred. So, it stands to reason that there would be fox hunts in Middleburg. I thought it was nice that someone shared a photo from a hunt, and posted:

“I used to go on fox hunts in my youth… Was a lot of fun!”

I haven’t been fox hunting since, oh, around 1988 or so… at that time, fox hunts weren’t necessarily considered politically incorrect. They were even still legal in the United Kingdom, which banned them in 2004, because they are considered “cruel” . Fox hunting is still permitted in Northern Ireland. I believe they are still popular in Ireland, too, based on the YouTube videos I’ve seen. Anyway, it’s been many years since I last partook of that sport. In fact, I haven’t even been riding since the mid 90s, and riding used to be a huge part of my life. Seeing that fox hunting photo brought back good memories of when I spent most of my free time with my horse.

Most follow up comments to mine were friendly. Several other people also wrote that they used to enjoy fox hunting. Others just expressed appreciation for the photo, which again, wasn’t my photo. But then, this morning, I got a comment from someone who felt the need to single me out, and shame me, for fondly remembering my fox hunting days. She wrote, in direct response to my comment that hunting was fun, “not for the fox.”

I decided to reply to her, which I think I managed to do in a somewhat measured tone. I wrote:

“In all of the years that I hunted, I never saw any killing. We mostly chased deer, who also weren’t killed. Think trail ride while wearing fancy riding clothes. I think I saw one fox in all the times we hunted. We all said “tallyho”, and that was it.”

I understand that fox hunting is no longer considered “politically correct”, because many people consider it to be cruel. However, when I went fox hunting, I was a child growing up in rural Gloucester, Virginia, where my classmates would routinely bring rifles on school grounds so they could go hunting after school. That’s how things were in the 80s, and it was normal for me, and my classmates. Maybe fox hunting wouldn’t be considered “right” by some people today, but when I was a young horsewoman, it was perfectly fine, and part of taking riding lessons. I also competed in horse shows and went on competitive trail rides. Doing all of that helped keep me physically fit, taught me responsibility, and sportsmanship. It also kept me occupied and out of trouble. Moreover, hunting– of all kinds– was part of the culture in Gloucester.

In fact, when I was in middle school, I remember having to take a hunter safety course as part of our health and P.E. curriculum. Teachers actually taught us about how to safely handle firearms, even though I have never actually owned a weapon. Enough people in my community had guns, that the school board felt it was a good idea to teach school kids about gun safety. In light of all the gun violence in schools today, maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. Should I be ashamed that I took a hunter safety course, too? I don’t remember having a choice in the matter.

Anyway, the actual kind of fox hunting we did was more of a ceremonial thing. It genuinely was fun, on the mornings when it wasn’t absolutely frigid outside. It basically boiled down to people putting on breeches, long johns, black boots, turtlenecks, and coats, and riding through the woods on fall mornings. After a few spirited canters through the woods, and a few jumps over ditches, fallen tree trunks, and fences that were put up by the hunt club, the adults would pass around a flask of Jack Daniels. It seemed to be more about camaraderie than a bloody sport involving wild animals being torn apart by dogs. I never once saw that happen, but even if I did, it’s not as if people weren’t also using their guns to kill wild animals in those days, and now.

While I probably wouldn’t choose to go fox hunting now, I don’t feel offended when I see a picture of a man in hunting attire on horseback with his dogs. Hunting serves a practical purpose. Some people get their meat that way, and actually hunt because that’s partly how they feed their families. Many people are going to choose to eat meat, no matter what animal rights activists say about it.

I don’t think I should be shamed because I once enjoyed fox hunting, especially since I was a kid at the time, and nothing was ever actually killed. What’s the point of shaming someone for something like that, other than trying to make them feel like shit? I can’t change the fact that I used to fox hunt and mostly enjoyed it. It was part of growing up in rural Virginia around horses. Given that Exploring Virginia is supposed to be a “feel good” group, I think that lady’s comment was out of place. As I was writing this, some other lady gave me a “sad” reaction. Seriously? I decided to just delete my comment, because I don’t want to spend my Friday being annoyed by shamers. I’m sure that reaction was not what the group creators had in mind when they started their group.

For more reading about fox hunting in Virginia, here’s an excellent blog post by someone who describes exactly what I remember from my “hunting days”.

*Cue the judgmental responses from the vegan crowd…*

I’m not the only one who’s gotten shamed, though. Singer-songwriter Janis Ian shared the featured photo yesterday. Janis Ian regularly posts things that get people riled up and snarky. I like her music, and often agree with her views. She can be funny, too. But I rarely comment on her posts, mainly because I’ve noticed that she can get quite testy in responses to people and, at times, she’s a bit hypocritical. On the other hand, some of her fans are pretty obnoxious. One person commented,

“Yes! I didn’t realise that you are a vegan!”

To which Janis posted, “I’m not.”

The post then became inundated with comments from a preachy vegan who shamed those who enjoy eating meat. There were also a couple of comments about people who feed their cats a vegan diet, which I think is a cruel practice. Cats are true carnivores, and they shouldn’t be forced to be vegans because some humans think hunting is cruel. Even the ASPCA agrees. Cats hunt. It’s in their nature. No matter how many human beings think killing and eating animals is cruel, there will always be creatures who kill their food. It’s part of life.

That being said, I totally agree that factory farming is horrible, and too many of us eat way too much meat. But a holier than thou exchange on Facebook with a complete stranger about veganism isn’t going to make me change my diet, nor do I think the complete stranger really cares. I think it’s more about them feeling superior and more “evolved” than other people.

Personally, I truly admire vegans, but I don’t think I could be a vegan. I might be able to be a vegetarian, if I really desired to make that change. But I will tell you one thing… being preachy and judgmental is not going to make me want to join the vegan cause.

When it comes to animal rights, there are varying degrees on what some people think should be reality. Some animal rights activists, for instance, don’t think humans should even have pets. I’d love to know what they think we should do with all of the dogs and cats and horses who depend on their relationships with humans for their survival. You can’t tell me that my dogs don’t love Bill and me, either. I refuse to feel guilty and ashamed for loving my pets, who also eat meat.

I guess what it comes down to is that everybody has an opinion. In a just world, people would respect other people’s rights to express their opinions without resorting to shaming or climbing up on a moral high horse.

And finally…

Yesterday, I got shamed for “not being fertile”. Some guy in a discussion about abortion commented that he thinks that since half of a developing fetus’s DNA belongs to the father, the father should be allowed to force the mother to gestate. It’s as if this guy thinks of the fetus as his property, even though it’s not developing in his body.

I wrote that it’s too bad that MALES aren’t the ones whose health and life are on the line. And the guy responded by saying “most men prefer women who are fertile.” That struck me as a totally stupid comment. I actually laughed out loud. I considered offering a snarky rebuttal, but then decided that the guy’s comment was so incredibly dumb that it was better to block him. I don’t want to have anything to do with an asshole like that. 😉

But seriously… on so many levels, that comment was very offensive. First off, how does he know about my fertility, or lack thereof? I don’t look old in my photo. Secondly, why is he speaking for all men? And thirdly, it’s those kinds of misogynistic comments that make a lot of women not want to have anything to do with men. I can totally understand why my cousin decided to conceive using donor sperm, rather than being involved with a man. For one thing, she’s a lesbian. For another, so many men are just assholes. I truly hope that no fertile woman lets that dude get within fifty yards of her vagina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… I need to get off of Facebook.

Military, modern problems, social media

Your shit stinks too…

I didn’t post any fresh content yesterday because I didn’t have anything on my mind that I was just burning to write about. Ever since I moved my blog from Blogspot, I’ve decided it’s better to post quality content over quantity. I realize that some readers may not think the content is necessarily better on this blog. I used to post less about politics and more about Mormonism and steplife issues than I do now. I no longer need to write as much about either of those topics, so I have noticed some formerly loyal readers have moved on. Some people used to like reading my posts about true crime. I do still write about that, but not as often. Maybe it’s because the president is a criminal and writing about him is kind of like writing about true crime, too.

As time passes, priorities change. Right now, I’m fixated more on politics than I’ve ever been. I used to not care at all about politics. Donald Trump changed that. I often like to say that good things can come out of almost every situation. Maybe one thing Trump has done is make people less complacent about their leadership. As people are less complacent about leadership, they also become more vocal about other issues.

Last night, I saw an article on Military Times about how Iraq War veteran Rep. Anthony Brown, D-Md. introduced a proposal to ban the display of the Confederate battle flag on all Department of Defense sites. Exceptions would be made for museum exhibits, state-approved license plates and grave sites of Confederate soldiers. However, the ban would include military work spaces, break rooms, living quarters, bumper stickers and personal apparel. Disobeying the order could lead to disciplinary action.

This measure comes up as the Marine Corps recently banned the display of the Confederate Battle flag. The Marine Corps’ decision was actually fresh news in April of this year, but it’s recently come up again as the Army has not followed suit. Ten Army installations are named after Confederate generals and many servicemembers, particularly those who are from southern states, identify the “rebel flag” as a symbol of regional pride and their heritage.

The battle flag issue also coincides with the Black Lives Matter movement, which has been raging for the past few weeks as people have been protesting police brutality toward people of color as well as the general issue of racism that still pervades American culture so many years after the Civil War ended. There have been lots of protests and riots, but I’ve also noticed some good conversations amid ridiculous displays of false bravado. I’m sure a lot of people reading this post have seen the pictures of St. Louis lawyer Mark McCloskey and his wife, Patricia, in their bare feet as they brandished weapons outside of their historic mansion. McCloskey claims that he and his wife were frightened for their lives as they pointed loaded weapons at about 500 protesters on their way to St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson’s house.

I only know what I’ve read in the news and seen in pictures. For all I know, Mr. and Mrs. McCloskey really were terrified for their lives. However, if the crowd was really that huge, it seems like the McCloskeys’ two guns wouldn’t be enough to stave them off for long if the crowd actually threatened them with violence. If it came down to it, maybe the McCloskeys would have managed to pick off a few people before they were overcome by the huge mass of people. Moreover, in the photos I’ve seen, the McCloskeys don’t look especially frightened. They look angry and aggressive. But I will grant that I wasn’t there and I’m not them, so what they were actually feeling and experiencing, I don’t know.

After I read the Military Times article, I read some of the Facebook comments. I noticed one posted by a German woman. I knew she was German by her first name, Hannelore, but she also identified herself as such when she rather smugly pointed out that Germans are doing better because Nazi symbols such as the swastika are illegal to display in Germany (unless it’s part of an art exhibit or civic education).

I have noticed this self-congratulatory attitude quite often among many Europeans, but especially Germans. They are quite proud of themselves for confronting their past history and trying to make amends. And I would be the first to congratulate them for doing that. I do think it’s admirable that Germans are not afraid to express their shame regarding their not so distant Nazi past. However, just because they’ve banned Nazi symbols, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem with racism in Germany. Moreover, I have actually seen the Confederate flag displayed in parts of Europe. So far, I’ve seen it in Italy, Ireland, and Germany. In fact, there’s a Harley-Davidson themed bar in the very next village that has recently had a “rebel flag” prominently displayed.

This flag is in the village next to where we live here in Germany. Harley-Davidson is an American brand, but this flag is flying here on German land. Or, at least it was a year ago. I haven’t recently checked to see if it still is.

So I pointed this out to Hannelore, who came back at me with vehement defensiveness. She pointed out that it’s not illegal to display the rebel flag in Germany. That may be so– and, in fact, it’s not illegal in the United States to display the rebel flag or swastikas, though that may soon change in the wake of the Black Lives Matter movement. However, even in America, if you display one of those symbols, it says something about you. I wouldn’t say most Americans would be alright with a business displaying a swastika, whether or not it’s “legal”. And although I do recall seeing businesses in the Deep South flying the rebel flag, nowadays it’s not a particularly smart business move.

Another German woman piped up, claiming that the Confederate flags were brought to Germany by American G.I.s. But even if that’s true, it’s not like Germans don’t have access to the Internet. It’s not like the owner of the Harley-Davidson garage in Wallau, who is mostly likely German or a resident of the European Union, doesn’t have access to information about the Confederate flag and what it stands for… or what it means to many, especially black, Americans.

I remember this ad from 1981 very well. It aired all the time when I was about 9 years old. Funny thing is, the actors who played Bo and Luke Duke weren’t even from the South.

And one from 1982…

I don’t think less of Germany or Germans because I’ve seen the Confederate battle flag displayed here. It doesn’t necessarily mean the same thing to Europeans as it does to Americans. They don’t have the same history with that flag that Americans have, just as many Americans don’t have the same history with the swastika that Germans have. Moreover, it really hasn’t been that long that the Confederate flag was that controversial. I grew up in the southern United States seeing that flag everywhere, not just in my neighborhood and at school, but also on television.

When I was a child, one of the most popular shows on prime time television was The Dukes of Hazzard, which featured a 1969 Dodge Charger with a rebel flag on the roof dubbed “The General Lee”. The show was so popular that there were toys, games, and other merchandise sold everywhere– I remember having a Dukes of Hazzard TV tray (exactly like the one pictured) and a board game based on the show. I seem to remember McDonald’s even had Dukes of Hazzard themed Happy Meals for sale. The 1980s may seem like ages ago to younger people, but I remember that time well, and I’m still under 50.

*I got this game for Christmas one year. I don’t remember playing it more than once or twice. Looks like Ideal didn’t include the stars and bars on top of the General Lee.*

I went to graduate school at the University of South Carolina in Columbia. I had an apartment on campus and could see the Statehouse from my window. In 1999, when I began my studies there, the Confederate flag still flew on the Statehouse dome. I watched from my window and on CNN as the flag was finally lowered on July 1, 2000, only to be moved to the Statehouse grounds, where it remained until just five years ago. Republican Governor Nikki Haley ordered it moved to a museum after white supremacist Dylann Roof shot up a church in Charleston, killing nine black church members. As of July 10, 2020, it will have been just five years since the flag was moved… and the United States still has a state that includes the battle flag on its state flag, although it looks like Mississippi has finally decided to change their state flag to one that is more acceptable for modern times. Georgia also used to have a Confederate symbol on its state flag, but that changed in 2001.

I also remember that when I was in graduate school, Maurice’s Piggie Park, a South Carolina barbecue chain restaurant, had Confederate flags in front of its locations. I believe Maurice Bessinger has died since I left South Carolina and his descendants have taken down the flags. But I didn’t finish grad school until 2002. That’s still less than twenty years ago.

An episode of Alice that aired in the 1980s. Boss Hogge and Enos of The Dukes of Hazzard paid a visit to Mel’s Diner, which was decked out with little Confederate flags.

Many people are changing their hearts and minds about the prominent display of racist symbols like monuments and flags, but meaningful change takes time. Some people will never change their minds, and we’ll just have to wait until they pass on to the next existence. The United States is also a much younger country than Germany is. It’s only existed for a mere few hundred years, and there are bound to be “growing pains”. Germany has a much longer history and has already had a lot of growing pains. Moreover, while Germans don’t display the swastika because of their deep shame regarding Hitler’s era, the fact that some Germans embrace the Confederate battle flag tells me that they’re not necessarily any “better” than Americans are. However, to their credit, they do seem to be willing to check themselves when their hypocrisy is pointed out.

Hannelore and I managed to end our discussion on a friendly note, especially when I told her that I’m grateful to be in Germany, especially right now. I’ve been extremely fortunate to have had this opportunity to experience living abroad. I have really loved living here, and have made some friends and memories I hope will last for many years to come. But racism is a worldwide problem. It’s not just a U.S. problem. And just because swastikas are banned in Germany, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a problem with race based hatred here.

I told a German friend about my conversation with Hannelore and another German lady last night, and how they claimed that the battle flag was introduced by American G.I.s. My German friend, who is a research superstar, provided me with a link to a German news article about how the Confederate flag is being embraced in East Germany, particularly by bikers and truckers. There’s a great love of 19th century North American culture in the east… and there are no American G.I.s posted there. They love cowboys, line dancing, and yes, some of them love the Confederate flag, which is less of a cowboy thing from out west than it is a southern thing. I think sometimes Germans forget how huge the United States is. Yes, Texas is considered a southern state, but it’s a different kind of southern, particularly as you head west, into the newer part of the country.

When we lived in Germany the first time, there was even a (laughable) American style restaurant near where we lived, which featured the German interpretation of American style Old West food and decor. It was once called Sitting Bull, but when we were there, it was known as “Buffalo Bill’s Saloon”. That restaurant eventually closed down, but I seem to remember there were two flags flying in front of it. One was a German flag… the other was American, I think. Bill used to get very upset every time he saw it, because it was extremely threadbare and worn. As a Soldier, he wanted to retire it properly. We ate there once or twice and it didn’t necessarily satisfy our cravings for American style barbecue. But it was fun seeing the western style decor. I don’t remember if it included Confederate flags, although it does seem that some Germans think the Confederate flag is an Old West thing. It’s really more of a southeastern US thing, which isn’t necessarily cowboy land.

Anyway… I’d really like to see people focus on being less hateful and judgmental all the way around. I think that significant progress toward equality can’t come until people have honest discussions with each other and learn to be more accepting of visible differences while also understanding that, underneath it all, we really aren’t as different from each other as we think we are. We’re all made of the same stuff, and when it comes down to it, your shit stinks just as badly as mine does.

The Overeducated Housewife

Just another boring blog about a boring housewife…

Tag Archives: Confederate flag