Tag Archives: conservatives

condescending twatbags, politicians, politics, social media, stupid people, Trump

“I suggest you don’t vote since you don’t live here.”

Happy Easter, y’all. Bill and I have plans to enjoy Easter lunch at one of our favorite local restaurants, Villa Im Tal. We’ve been there a bunch of times over the past few years, and it’s always been a real delight. I realize I’m very lucky to get to enjoy such a meal with my husband in a safe, clean, pleasant country. I’ve mentioned it before, but I want to say it again. I will be forever grateful to Germany for giving us time out of our homeland. Things are clearly pretty crazy over there right now.

Recently, I wrote about my hometown friend, “Diane”, who lamented about the effect Donald Trump has had on people back home. Diane and I both grew up in Gloucester, Virginia, which is a deeply red Virginia county, located on the Middle Peninsula. Diane is a very nice woman who has managed to keep most of her friends from Gloucester, even though she doesn’t support Trump at all.

I, on the other hand, was never a very popular person in Gloucester, so I don’t maintain a lot of close friendships from there. Because Diane is still friends with a lot of conservatives from back home, I often run into them whenever I comment on her political posts. Fortunately, it’s not that often that I make comments, nor does she post a lot of political stuff. When I do comment, it’s usually to show solidarity and support for Diane’s more progressive views. It’s not because I want to have a debate with anyone over politics.

Yesterday, I had an unpleasant interaction with one of Diane’s friends. She had shared the below post that was on the God page…

Yeah… Trump is sinking to a new low of tackiness, as he sells Bibles to try to fund his failing presidential campaign.

A lot of Diane’s friends were opining, and quite a few of them were just as disgusted as Diane is about Trump’s latest vulgar fundraising scheme. But there was one guy on there– another from our hometown– who was doggedly insisting that Donald Trump is a much better candidate for POTUS than Joe Biden is. I remember this fellow from our school days in the 1980s, but only by his name. I don’t think I’ve ever had an in person conversation with him. I’ll call him Jack.

Jack spouted off about how he works for the military, although I don’t think he’s in it. He claimed that the people he knows who are in the military are constantly telling him about how Trump was a much better leader… or something along those lines. I didn’t directly respond to Jack, but I did make a general comment about how Bill has spent the last 40 years associated with the US Army– 30 years in uniform, and ten as a contractor. He’s not a Trump supporter. Neither are a lot of his associates, although political proclivities in the military are typically varied.

I mentioned that we live in Germany, where people have elected leaders like Trump before. That is a very embarrassing aspect of history for Germans, and I suspect that it will one day be deeply embarrassing for Americans, too. Another friend commended me for “rational thinking”, and then made a humorous quip about how his Mensa member daughter doesn’t want to have children, and how that’s going to affect future generations (that smart people aren’t breeding). I really can’t blame her for that. Below is exactly what I posted:

My husband has been in/working with the Army since 1984. He is not a Trump supporter. Anyone who would “joke” about being a dictator is not someone who needs the nuclear codes. Trump couldn’t even get a security clearance if he was trying to get a regular government or military job. My husband spent 30 years in uniform and 10 years working as a contractor for various “coms”. He knows of what he speaks. 

We live in Germany, where people have direct experience with leaders like Trump. It’s a source of deep shame for people here, and I think it will be a deep source of shame for Americans, too.

I don’t know what Trump has to do before otherwise decent people realize that he is not a good leader. Notice none of the people who worked with him are endorsing him. That includes a lot of very prominent and basically respectable Republicans.

It’s true. Think of the Republicans who aren’t endorsing Trump: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney, Mitt Romney, Mike Pence, Arnold Schwarzenegger… and more. The Republican Party no longer resembles what it was in my father’s day. It was bad enough then, but now it’s become a truly horrifying cult. People have surrendered common sense to their undying loyalty to a political party.

Well… hours later, Jack tagged me in a comment. He wrote a diatribe about how German farmers were revolting over Germany’s “socialist” government. I calmly responded that Germany’s government isn’t “socialist”. If you want to get technical, Germany has a Federal Parliamentary Republic with a social market economy. It’s basically like capitalism with more social safety nets for the people…. a regulated market economy. It bears no resemblance to, say, China’s economy. It’s certainly not socialism.

Jack kept on about the farmers protesting. He wrote this:

I think Germany is having their own issues like us with a socialist government. We all see how socialism works! Look at your farmers over there, they will tell you the real story about the government. And all of them would vote for trump.

Then, Jack asked me this…

did you see the farmers protesting? 

I’m sure Jack probably meant to ask me if I’d seen the news coverage about the farmers. But what he actually asked me is if I’d seen the farmers protesting. And the answer to that question is, no, I hadn’t. I was picturing a bunch of guys in overalls with tractors, carrying pitchforks and flaming tiki torches in my neighborhood. I can truthfully state that no, I haven’t seen that, and I live near open fields where farming goes on. I did hear about the protests, but they didn’t affect my life in the slightest, because they happened in Berlin and I live hours away, in Wiesbaden. So I responded thusly:

No, I did not personally see farmers protesting. It is not uncommon for people to strike over here for better pay and working conditions, though. It’s generally very civilized. 

…I have lived here for going on ten years this time, and it’s pretty awesome, if only because there are way fewer guns. As for German Trump supporters, I have yet to meet a single one.

Strikes go on all the time in Germany. So do protests. They’re generally not a big deal, and when they happen, the powers that be do their best to minimize inconveniences to the non-involved. From my observations, they seem to be more like social events, where groups make their concerns known. Then, afterwards, they all go out for a beer or two. The one time I was personally affected by a strike was in 2015, when the airport workers were striking. Lines through security were longer, and it was kind of a pain. But workers who weren’t striking brought out chairs for elderly and infirm people, and handed out free bottles of water. It was hardly a riot situation.

In any case, since Jack asked me if I’d “seen farmers protesting”, I answered honestly that I hadn’t. He came back with this:

In 2023 Germany was labeled as the 15th most electoral democratic country in the world. 

Yet you don’t know why the farmers were protesting?

You’ve been living in a country and you’re oblivious to the surrounding politics. Just like the USA, correct?

Um… I think he assumes a lot… But I responded with this comment:

I said I did not see them protesting. That’s what you asked. 

I am not oblivious to anything.

And I must interject here that he brought up farmers, which really has nothing to do with my original comment about living in Germany, which is that people here have already experienced life under an autocratic leader. It didn’t end well for them. That was the only point I was making when I mentioned Germany. He’s the one who brought up farmers.

Bill later determined that he had clued in on an article posted on Fox News back in January about a group of a few dozen German farmers protesting in Berlin. They blocked streets with their tractors and put humorous signs on them that read, for example: “No beer without farmers.” This was all basically spun up by the far right political group, Alternative for Germany (AFD). I’m not saying it wasn’t newsworthy stuff, but he was acting like it was a huge deal that affected our daily lives. Local news coverage here is also in German, which I’m sad to report that I still don’t understand 100 percent.

Still, he was dying to goad me into an argument, so he continued:

no news coverage? You see I think you are, just like most people on this page. Most don’t have a brain in this chat. 

The one thing that’s funny to me is none of you can say what is going on in the world, you have no clue.

I don’t vote for people just for the person in office. I vote for policies. 

The fact that my taxes are higher, inflation is on the rise (bidenomics), gas is high due to the Biden shutting down our pipeline and making it hard to run my boat on the weekends, we are not independent on our own energy, the green new deal that isn’t green (killing whales and wildlife), funding Ukraine that needs to hurry up and just lose already because they are a hole that we are putting money in. Immigration laws don’t exist because of Biden and now we have millions and millions fleeing in the country, (I’ve seen a bunch of illegals in Virginia already)

But you guys being the “smart people” of the group can’t explain any policies, or what Biden has done for America! Its great to know all of you don’t have a brain

🎤 drop

By this point, I was getting pretty annoyed with Jack. I’ll confess that I didn’t even bother to read his screed, because I could tell it was full of insults and sarcasm. I don’t engage in debates with people who use words like “illegals” to describe other human beings. I suspect he was getting frustrated with me, because I simply refused to address his unhinged commentary about German farmers, informed only by Fox News and other biased news sources. So I posted this response:

I am not going to argue with you. You certainly have the right to vote for whomever you wish. I do not like Trump or the MAGA movement for a vast multitude of reasons, so I won’t be voting for them. Fortunately, I still have the right to vote as I please, so that’s what I plan to do.

Happy Easter.

Most people would take the above comment as a sign that I’m not interested in a debate. I even wished him a Happy Easter. But Jack simply couldn’t let it go. He was like a dog with a proverbial bone. And he just had to throw in a couple more ad hominem attacks:

you can’t argue your side because you have no clue what you’re talking about! This is what I mean, the uneducated show themselves because they have no clue. Thanks for proving my point just like every other democrat 

Again… I think he assumes a lot about me. We’ve never met in person. And I’m not actually a Democrat. I don’t belong to any specific political party. I am just voting for Democrats now, because they aren’t Donald Trump. To me, that’s simply the logical thing to do.

Then he added this gem: “I suggest you don’t vote since you don’t live here.”

I’ll bet he wouldn’t say that if I were a Trump supporter, like he is. And I bet he wouldn’t dare say that to the many military and government workers who live abroad and vote the way he does. Apparently, Jack thinks that only people who will vote for a man who admires autocrats should be voting. That is a very un-American attitude to take, in my opinion. I think Jack should go back to 8th grade civics class and remember that diversity in thinking is a beneficial thing in a free society. But I wanted to reassure him, so I wrote this:

No, I will be voting, because I am an American citizen and it’s my right and responsibility to do so. And I don’t care to argue with people who think Germany has a socialist government. 

I think that was actually the closest I came to insulting Jack, who had already insulted me several times by that point. Then he added this parting shot:

lol nope, you just don’t understand politics, it’s okay 🙂 go back to your bubble now

Wow… what a massive jerk Jack is. But I didn’t call him that on Diane’s page. Instead, I wrote this:

Whatever you say. (shrug)

I am not wasting precious time and energy arguing with someone with his head so far up Trump’s massive, filthy, Depends draped asshole, especially on another person’s Facebook page. And Jack is free to think I’m uneducated and don’t understand politics if he wants… just like he’s free to believe Trump was “robbed” of the presidency and isn’t a crook, and gas prices and inflation are the single most important issues Americans are facing. People I actually love and care about have said much worse to me. I know the truth about myself. Besides, he’d be woefully wrong on all counts. But that is typical of most Trump supporters, isn’t it?

On another note… I am SO SICK of people who don’t live in Germany, and have likely never even been here to visit, telling me how life is here based SOLELY on what they’ve watched or read on Fox News. It’s tiresome and infuriating at the very least.

Oh well. Time to put this unpleasant interaction behind me and get on with our Easter holiday.

Hope your Easter is eggsactly as you like it…

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healthcare, law, politicians, politics, South Dakota

In South Dakota, politicians will explain to your OB-GYN how to best take care of you…

Good morning, everybody. It’s not even 9:00 AM yet, and I’ve already done some yelling over the news. I probably shouldn’t bother getting upset, especially since I’m too old to have babies and I don’t live in a “red state” with an extreme abortion ban. I can’t help it, though. The intrusion of politicians into doctors’ offices really pisses me off, especially when the politicians presume to tell people who have spent years in training how to take care of their patients. If I weren’t Bill’s overeducated housewife spouse, I might be armpit deep dealing with this shit. Healthcare policy is kind of in my wheelhouse… or, at least it was, before I fell off the career train. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise.

This morning, I read about a Republican in South Dakota named Taylor Rehfeldt who introduced a bill that would “require the creation of an informational video and other materials describing the state’s abortion law and medical care for a pregnant woman experiencing life-threatening or health-threatening medical conditions.” This bill, dubbed the “Med Ed Bill”, is supposed to clarify the state’s very strict abortion law, as abortion activists claim that the bans against abortion “cause the deaths of women who need to abort in order to survive.”

I guess Taylor Rehfeldt and her ilk figure that this “Med Ed” video, that physicians and patients will be able to access on the state’s Health Department Web site, will calm those of us who have issues with uninvolved parties dictating what women can and cannot do with their bodies.

According to Decision Magazine’s article on the Med Ed Bill:

The video and other unspecified materials would have to describe: “(1) The state’s abortion law and acts that do and do not constitute an abortion; (2) The most common medical conditions that threaten the life or health of a pregnant woman; (3) The generally accepted standards of care applicable to the treatment of a pregnant woman experiencing life-threatening or health-threatening medical conditions; and (4) The criteria that a practitioner, exercising reasonable medical judgment, might use in determining the best course of treatment for a pregnant woman experiencing life-threatening or health-threatening medical conditions and for her unborn child.”

The bill would require consultation with the attorney general as well as medical and legal experts. The materials would have to be available on the Health Department’s website.

Isn’t that very nice? Medical and legal experts will weigh in on how your OB-GYN can treat you in South Dakota, if you need to have an abortion. How helpful. /sarcasm

I think if I were a physician in South Dakota, this video would offend the hell out of me, as I would have spent years in medical school and in training to make these decisions without “help” from politicians and legal experts, or uninvolved medical experts. None of those people will be in the room when the pregnant patient presents for care. And none of those “experts” will be putting their professional reputations on the line.

As I read about this new bill, I’m reminded of when I had two dental crowns done on the advice of a “preferred dentist” on my then dental insurance policy’s special list of providers. The insurer later refused to pay for their share for the crowns, because they reasoned, their “consulting dentist” had determined that the crowns weren’t necessary.

I later wrote a scathing letter of complaint to the insurance company, letting them know that if they didn’t pay their share, I would be filing a complaint with the state insurance board. Their “consulting dentist” hadn’t, after all, taken a look in my mouth, while my dentist– then listed as a preferred provider and a graduate of an excellent dental school– had actually seen firsthand why the crowns were necessary. I had cracks in my teeth that were causing discomfort. Not crowning the teeth would simply make it more likely that I would need a root canal sooner, rather than later. And that would cost more money for all of us, and more time and physical discomfort for me.

I’m proud to report that the insurance company relented and paid up… although that’s not the point I’m making here. The point I’m making is that a video offering a general outline and “clarification” as to which conditions are appropriate for abortion care are akin to a dentist (maybe one in India, for all I know) looking at my records and deciding what care I need, when they haven’t even evaluated my mouth themselves. And I would hope and expect that a qualified OB-GYN would have the skills and training to know when a patient that presents in person to them needs an abortion without “special help” from legal experts, politicians, and “medical experts” in the form of a video.

Taylor Rehfeldt, by the way, is herself a nurse anesthetist. She is NOT a physician. It appears that she is currently getting her doctorate, and teaches at Mount Marty University, where she is listed as “Dr.”, but according to their Web site, she doesn’t actually have a doctoral degree yet. And even when she does get the official “Dr.” title, she WON’T be an OB-GYN. Who the hell does she think she is, butting into women’s healthcare decisions? I notice, too, that she is a member of the class of 2011. So she’s been practicing her profession for 12 or 13 years… and is now a state representative, which means she divides her time between doing her job in healthcare and making laws that affect everyone in her state and inspire other power mad lawmakers. Do I– as a member of the class of ’94– want someone with her limited experience dictating what my doctor can and cannot do (not that I will ever be pregnant, let alone in South Dakota)?

Why are they calling her “Dr.” if she doesn’t yet have a doctorate? And why is she weighing in on medical decisions made by physicians who provide OB-GYN care?

I’m sure Taylor Rehfeldt is a competent nurse anesthetist, but it PISSES me off that politicians are invading private healthcare decisions in this way. I am glad, at least, she has a healthcare background of some sort, although it’s not in the field of obstetrics and gynecology. However, I don’t think making a video is going to fix this issue. Physicians are still going to be scared that lawyers will try to put them in prison for offering medical care to their patients… medical care that should, at the very least, be private. It’s a wonder anyone wants to see a doctor in red states, these days. Lawmakers seem to be foaming at the mouth to put women of childbearing age in prison in order to get women back in the kitchen.

More from the article, which is clearly in a magazine sympathetic to pro-life views:

“South Dakota is showing the rest of the nation how to protect women’s lives by making it abundantly clear that pregnant women can and must receive timely emergency care under our pro-life law,” said Kelsey Pritchard, state public affairs director for Susan B. Anthony Pro-Life America. “Abortion activists have sown confusion on this point around the nation to justify their agenda for no limits on abortion. This lie not only deceives but puts women in danger, and a Med Ed policy is the solution.” (uh, no it’s not, Kelsey. You all need to mind your own uteri. No one who wants or needs to have an abortion should have to answer to anyone— especially you and your ilk.)

I do realize that this new bill is supposed to help South Dakota avoid the lawsuits that are currently being brought in Texas and will be brought in other places, as these extreme abortion bans put women’s lives at risk. This law sounds good on its surface, reassuring everyone that the state knows what’s best for its women, and they won’t be sending women out to the parking lot to wait until they’re almost septic before they can get medical care. But I fear that this proposed “video” isn’t much more than a CYA measure, meant to make people feel reassured, and offer lawyers a defense when some woman eventually ends up in dire medical straits due to these cruel, intrusive, and offensive laws that make physicians afraid to do their jobs properly.

I have also recently read that South Dakota is eager to attract healthcare workers to the state. See below the ad put forth to attract nurses. I wonder why they’re short on healthcare professionals… Could it be because their ignorant conservative politicians are making practicing medical care a logistical dystopian nightmare?

South Dakota doesn’t sound attractive at all to me… but then, I believe in women having the right to make their own healthcare and family planning choices. Kristi Noem is also a notorious Trumper, and Trump is a VILE human being.

Again… I know this doesn’t affect me personally, as I’m too old for having babies and I don’t live in South Dakota, and almost surely never will. But abortion bans really piss me off, because I know that when it comes to these issues, that giving an inch will lead to a mile when it comes to healthcare privacy and self-determination. It’s distressing and embarrassing to watch these ridiculous new laws being enacted in my homeland. They make me worry for the women who will be personally affected by them. I think Republicans are taking the United States backwards, and that really upsets me.

I can’t stand this woman. She does not care about women at all. She’s concerned about money, and keeping taxes low.

And I hope that the smart people in red states that pull this leave and go somewhere better… because the politicians who have done this need to held accountable. These Godforsaken states ought to suffer serious brain drain, as the best and the brightest leave for better places. I figure if these far rightwing politicians know so much about what medical conditions put women’s lives at risk, such that they’d seek an abortion in a state with extreme bans, the politicians ought to be the ones practicing medicine, too. Let them deal with the people in crisis who are about to die or lose their fertility in front of them. Maybe then they will pull their heads out of their asses and care about those who are ALREADY BORN!!!!!!

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Kentucky, politicians, politics, rants, slut shamers, Texas, true crime

Grateful to be a Texas voter who doesn’t have to live in Texas (or Kentucky)…

This is a pretty angry rant, so if you don’t like coarse language or rage, you might want to keep scrolling.

This week, I’ve been following the tragic story of 31 year old married mother of two, Kate Cox, and her request to be allowed to have an abortion. Cox, who lives near Dallas, Texas, and is currently about 20 weeks pregnant, learned that her unborn daughter has Trisomy 18, otherwise known as Edwards Syndrome. Cox’s doctors have told her that her pregnancy is non-viable, and that she is likely to either miscarry, or the baby will die during, or soon after, her birth. Additionally, Cox’s fertility may also be at risk if she continues her pregnancy.

A couple of years ago, Cox likely could have terminated her pregnancy without any interference from politicians, lawyers, or judges. It would not have been anyone’s business but hers, her doctor’s, and her family’s, if she chose to include them. But now, thanks to the cruel and misogynistic turn taken by Republican assholes in power, Kate Cox has not been allowed to make this very private and personal decision. This week, she went to court to request permission to have an abortion. On Thursday, she was given that permission by a compassionate judge who has common sense and decency. Judge Maya Guerra Gamble, an elected Democrat, granted a temporary restraining order that would allow Cox to safely terminate her pregnancy without fear of legal repercussions.

Immediately after Judge Maya Guerra Gamble’s favorable decision was handed down, Texas Attorney General, Ken Paxton, leapt into action. He sent letters to the Houston area hospitals where Cox could have had the abortion procedure done, threatening doctors with legal consequences if they carried out the treatment Cox seeks. Then he petitioned the Texas Supreme Court for a stay, which halted Judge Guerra Gamble’s order, and forces Kate Cox to endure her doomed pregnancy even longer.

FUCK YOU, KEN PAXTON!

I’ve been reading the reactions to this case. Most people seem to think Ken Paxton is absolutely wrong in his decision to interfere in this case. However, I’ve seen a lot of comments from MEN who think it’s right to force Kate Cox to deliver this baby and watch her die. I am convinced that these men– most of whom truly don’t give a shit about the welfare of already born people– just want to control women. And every time I read their feeble minded diatribes about the so-called “sanctity of life”, I become enraged anew. How dare they?!

I have never met Ken Paxton, but I hate his guts. He needs to go straight to Hell.

Anyway… I am a Texas voter, even though I live in Germany. I maintain the right and responsibility to vote in Texas, although it feels a bit like pissing in the wind. I will continue to do my part in trying to oust extremist Republican misogynistic thugs like Paxton out of office. And while I won’t write or say out loud what I hope happens to him, you can bet I’m calling on my higher power, too. I am infuriated and disgusted by this case, as I know a lot of other sensible, decent, kind people with functioning brains are, too. Abortion is necessary healthcare for some pregnant people, and I know this is an issue that people will fight over for the rest of my life. I no longer have skin in the game, since I’m pretty sure I’m menopausal now, but on behalf of all women, I am outraged by Ken Paxton and his anti-woman ilk. I hope Ken Paxton goes straight to Hell, and I pray the women of Texas wise up and get the hell out of that godforsaken state, and take all of the OB-GYNs with them.

Last night, I also read about an outrageous case out of Kentucky. I actually found out about it because I saw a headline about a woman who is eight weeks pregnant and wants to have an abortion. Kentucky, like Texas, has banned most abortions, so this Jane Doe has filed a lawsuit. Good for her for doing that. But, as I was looking for news on that case, I ran across another story about a young woman in Kentucky who was instrumental in getting Democratic Governor Andy Beshear re-elected (link is temporarily unlocked).

Hadley Duvall, age 21, got pregnant by her stepfather when she was 12 years old. Duvall’s stepfather, Jeremy Whitledge, had started sexually abusing her when she was five years old. At first, he made it seem like what he was doing was a normal thing. When she got older, and realized her stepfather was hurting her, he started to hold her down. Later, it became a punishment when she was “bad”. Her brother got spankings. Hadley got sexually molested by a man she’d considered her dad. Her mother and stepfather presented the image of a “perfect family”, even if Whitledge was treating his stepdaughter with the lowest form of contempt.

When Hadley Duvall was 8 years old, she learned about sexual abuse in school. She’d even learned a special song. She asked Whitledge about it, realizing that he was doing things to her that she’d learned were abusive and wrong. Whitledge, by then had been abusing his stepdaughter for years; first with anal penetration, then later vaginal and oral, according to police reports. Her abuser’s outrageously disgusting response was:

“Those rules are for strangers,” Duvall remembers him saying. “Not for your family.”

When Hadley was twelve, she started having menstrual periods. She’d only had a few when she realized that she hadn’t had one in awhile. She told Whitledge, and he told her to “fake being sick”, so she could stay home and take a pregnancy test. I don’t know why she’d need to fake being sick for that, since pregnancy tests only take a few minutes. But she did as she was told, and the test was positive. She was pregnant with Whitledge’s baby, at just twelve years old.

While they were waiting for the test results, Whitledge told Hadley that she could “sneak” a boy from the neighborhood into the house and claim it was his baby (OMG), or they could go to Louisville and she could have an abortion. Hadley didn’t even know what an abortion was at that point in her life. Two weeks later, by the grace of God, she had a miscarriage. But she didn’t know what a miscarriage was, either. She assumed she was just having a very heavy period.

As I read this story, my blood was boiling. I am outraged by people who want to force women to give birth at all costs. I think their attitudes show that they HATE women, and they care more about the well being of a potential person than the welfare of the woman whose body is being used to generate that life. I see a lot of shaming, cruelty, and outright contempt for pregnant people who shouldn’t be pregnant for health or maturity reasons, or don’t want to be pregnant for other reasons. It makes me feel rage on their behalf.

But then I continued reading about Hadley Duvall and saw this comment from her abuser, that made me feel even more disgusted…

In September 2019, Whitledge sent a letter to [Hadley’s mother, Jennifer Adkins Miller] acknowledging the abuse, writing, “Because of my weakness I failed as her father. I failed as her protector.”

JEREMY WHITLEDGE WAS NEVER HADLEY DUVALL’S FATHER, AND HE WAS CERTAINLY NEVER HER “PROTECTOR”!!!!!

He is a vile, despicable, sadistic, disgusting, loathsome piece of shit! I hope he joins Ken Paxton in Hell!

I don’t know how Hadley’s mother didn’t know what was happening in her house. The article explains that her mother was addicted to drugs for years, but finally got sober after a year in rehab. Hadley was astute enough to see that her mother would struggle if Whitledge was out of their lives. She realized that if she told her mom what he was doing to her, Whitledge would go to prison. But finally, in the spring of 2017, Hadley decided she had to tell her mother about the abuse. She texted her mom from school and told her she had something important to tell her. While they were in the car, Jennifer Adkins Miller pressed her daughter for answers… and finally, she heard the truth about her worthless husband. She slammed on the brakes, vomited, and went to the police.

Jeremy Whitledge is now serving twenty years in prison. And Hadley Duvall made the very brave ad for Andy Beshear, to help girls and young women have the option of terminating their pregnancies. Duvall goes to a Christian university and says she thinks there should be limits on abortions. I wonder, though, if she really thinks women have later term abortions for fun, and it needs to be regulated by law. First of all, late term abortions are rarely performed in any case. It’s hard to find providers willing to do them; they are very expensive and painful; and they are typically not covered by health insurance. And secondly, those who want to have an abortion for convenience sake would almost certainly have them early, if they were left to their own devices. It’s much cheaper, less painful, and easier to do it that way.

I think it shows a profound distrust in women as a whole, to say that politicians need to pass laws that limit or restrict access to abortions– especially when they disingenuously claim to be doing it for the women’s health. I don’t know of anyone who is “pro-abortion”. It’s not something anyone does for a good time. It’s a healthcare procedure that some women need for their own well-being. And it’s no one else’s business if a woman wants or needs to have one. No one should ever be compelled to explain it to anyone else.

The fact that the United States has backslid in this way is just mortifying. Sadistic, perverted, misogynistic creeps like Ken Paxton and his ilk are determined to ruin or end many women’s lives with these extremist laws that force women to forgo crucial healthcare for the sake of a developing fetus. It makes me sick that people like Paxton are in power.

Folks, I’ll be honest. I struggle with depression and anxiety, and there are a lot of days when I just wish I could be beamed out of this world so I don’t have to think about this horror show we’re in now. Depression and anxiety are two reasons why I’m sitting here with vague pain and pressure in my stomach and doing nothing about it. The prospect of Trump in office again makes me even more depressed. And that feeling of despair is mixed with rage and despondency when I read stories like Kate Cox’s and Hadley Duvall’s… although at least they fought back. I have great respect for the women who are not accepting these bans without a huge fight, even as moronic, hateful, anti-women dipshits in red states keep voting in these fantastically misogynistic fuckwads, who make terrible, dangerous laws that affect us all and place the well-being of an embryo or a fetus over already born people. All I can do is continue to write about it… and rage as I read about it, as my gentle, sweet, loving husband sits by and listens. Thank God for Bill, at least.

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communication, history, musings, racism, Virginia

An offline discussion reminds me of why I prefer hanging out with my dog…

Sometimes, I truly miss having discussions with people offline. And sometimes, I’m reminded that certain people can be frustrating to deal with in person. As I wrote in my travel blog this morning, Bill and I went to the Wiesbaden wine week festival last night. We met up with some of his co-workers, most of whom were very nice and good conversationalists. This isn’t to say that talking was an easy task, given how loud it was at the fest. There were a lot of people there; most of them were drinking wine and probably getting drunk. There was also loud music.

Before things got too loud, I met one of Bill’s colleagues. He attended Virginia Military Institute, which is the same college my father, uncle, and several cousins attended. I also have several relatives who worked there for many years. Bill and I got married there in 2002.

It’s actually funny this topic is coming up today, since almost exactly a year ago, I got into a contentious online discussion with some Washington Post readers about that school, which spawned a pretty good blog post (in my opinion, anyway). I’m mostly a VMI booster, although I understand why some people don’t like the school and think it should be shut down. There are big problems with racism and sexism there, at least historically. It probably continues today, although the school does put out some pretty excellent military officers. My dad was one of them.

If you know anything about VMI, you know that it’s a very southern school, and people there are very proud of the fact that VMI cadets were involved with the Civil War. The VMI Corps of Cadets fought as a unit at the Battle of New Market in Virginia. General Thomas Jonathan “Stonewall” Jackson is a hero at the school, and for most of the college’s existence, cadets were obligated to salute a statue of the man. The statue, which was one of several commemorations of Jackson, was removed and relocated in 2021.

If you know anything about Virginia, you might know that until just a couple of years ago, there were many public Confederate monuments and memorials there, especially in the state capital city of Richmond. A lot of people were very upset that the statues were removed, although probably just as many were either indifferent or ecstatic to see them go. They were a reminder of dark times of the past, when Virginia allowed White people to enslave Black people.

Bill’s co-worker happened to mention, casually, that he didn’t think it was right for the statues, monuments, and memorials to come down. He said they were part of history, and removing the statues was akin to “erasing history.” I was probably visibly shocked when I heard him say that, but somehow, I managed to keep my mouth closed.

The guy continued that his family comes from Cuba, and to them, when the government starts renaming streets and taking down statues and such, it means communism is coming. I guess I can understand that reasoning. I’ve heard it from other descendants of people who have escaped communism.

On the other hand, a couple of months ago, when we visited Estonia and Latvia, I heard two different guides talk about how glad the Estonians and Latvians were to get rid of communism. When I lived in Armenia, I didn’t hear as many people praising the fall of communism, probably because life for them was so difficult in the early to mid 1990s. I’m sure many Armenians at that time would have preferred that the Soviet Union stayed intact, because the Soviet style of government was what most of them were used to, and life was easier when they were more closely aligned with Moscow.

In any case… even back in the mid to late 1990s, Armenia started divorcing itself from Russia. That meant that the street signs, most of which were in Russian and Armenian when I arrived in 1995, were changed to just Armenian. City names that celebrated Lenin and Stalin were changed back to Armenian names. The Russian rouble stopped being the official currency; Armenian drams were used, complete with pictures of Armenian leaders. Armenians started to sing the Armenian national anthem instead of the Soviet one. There used to be schools that specialized in Russian, and there may still be some now, but there are just as many schools that specialize in English. I taught at an English specialty school. There were many changes made, all of which were essential for the country to move forward.

When I was in Latvia and Estonia in June of this year, I heard about the same things happening in those countries. When the Soviet Union fell apart, and communism was no longer the style of government in those countries, things changed. Statues celebrating Soviet history and heroes were taken down, and people stopped learning and speaking so much Russian… and guess what? Street names also changed! In those cases, the name changes and removal of statues and monuments were due to communism going away!

I suppose I was a little flabbergasted that this guy– a retired high ranking military officer who now works with Bill– thinks that removing Confederate monuments and memorials is akin to promoting communism and “erasing history”. Talk about unskilled thinking. I wasn’t impressed at all.

Bill said that when the guy started talking about how awful it was that the monuments were taken down, I visibly stiffened. He said it was subtle, but noticeable to him. Bill knows me very well and pays attention to my body language. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, a lot of communication is done non-verbally. I didn’t say a word to the guy about his thoughts on the Confederate monuments, but apparently my body was saying a lot. I don’t know if he noticed my unspoken comments. I’m kind of gratified that Bill noticed.

Count me among those who think taking down the monuments is a positive thing. It marks progress in promoting equality, mutual respect, and racial sensitivity. The monuments don’t really mean much to me, personally. I never would have thought to launch a campaign to have them taken down. I always had them in my community when I lived in parts of Virginia, so they’ve always been part of the environment I’m used to seeing. But I’m caucasian, and have never had a reason to feel offended by the monuments, other than having empathy for those who do find them offensive. I’m sure the descendants of slaves have a very different opinion than those who think the monuments are part of history that should be publicly preserved.

Given that in the United States, we are all supposed to be equal members of society, Black people’s opinions and preferences certainly matter. And if removing the monuments promotes peace, mutual respect, and racial harmony, I’m all for it. We sure could use more solidarity, especially in today’s polarized society. It hurts no one to remove the monuments, as the people who have been memorialized are long gone, and the cause they were promoting and defending failed after just four years.

Why publicly celebrate people who were ultimately traitors? It surprises me that this high ranking retired officer, a man who obviously has basic intelligence, doesn’t ask himself that question… but then, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. I know from knowing my dad, and the many other VMI grads in my family, that going to VMI is kind of like joining a cult and becoming indoctrinated into the school’s ways. And when you’re in a cult, your mind isn’t 100 percent your own.

I still appreciate VMI. It’s part of my own history, even though I didn’t go to college there. But after talking to that guy last night, I realized that an education there has its shortcomings. And given that until very recently, cadets were obliged to salute a statue of Stonewall Jackson every time they passed it, I’m pretty sure that graduating from VMI is, at least in part, behind this guy’s opinion that removing Confederate monuments– that were erected during the Jim Crow era to keep Black people in their places– is akin to “erasing history”.

How disappointing. Guess I should go back to conversing online. Well… at least Noyzi is a good listener.

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communication, complaints, controversies, modern problems, social media, true crime

Sometimes it’s okay to complain…

Yesterday, I wrote a couple of posts that were kind of on the same theme. I wrote the first one for this blog. It was about how surprisingly hateful some people are about Brittney Griner being released from a Russian prison, while Paul Whelan stays in custody. Griner, who endured ten months of incarceration in Russia, was sent to San Antonio for medical treatment before she goes home to her wife in Phoenix, Arizona. Many, many people are apparently pissed off about this. They’d rather Brittney rot in a freezing cold Russian prison, where she’s too tall for a regular bed and her hands are too big for the usual labor of sewing. Most of these folks who are so salty toward Griner, and to Joe Biden for helping her, also claim to be Christians.

If you ask these people why they’re angry about Brittney Griner’s release, they’ll tell you it’s because she disrespected the flag by taking a knee during the playing of “The Star Spangled Banner”. They think she hates her country, and for that reason, she should endure years of inhumane conditions in a prison behind the borders of our biggest enemy. I suspect they also don’t like Brittney because she’s not like they are. She’s 6’9″ tall. She’s Black and queer, and has a deep speaking voice. She uses marijuana. Deep down, people who espouse that much hatred are terrified by people who are different. They see Brittney as an immoral freak, and they want her banished for it. They also seem to think that she has no right to complain about racism. They tell her, “America– love it or leave it.” If something is wrong, you have no right to gripe. Because in their eyes, she’s less than they are.

Of course, Brittney has already shown us that she’s definitely NOT like the the people who want her to suffer. That’s a good thing. We need fewer people in our country who can’t embrace diversity. And we need fewer people who want to silence those who have legitimate concerns about the way things are going in the United States for anyone who isn’t a Christian, white, conservative male with a gun.

The other post I wrote yesterday was about how Bill and I complained about bad service we got at a wine shop in France. That entry was inspired by the reactions I got in a Facebook wine group I run. I posted about that experience because it was about wine shopping. The reactions I got initially blamed Bill and me for our bad experience. No one said it outright, but I got the sense that some people thought maybe I was being a “karen” (for lack of a better word). Somehow, ever since the term “karen” became popular, people seem to think that anytime someone complains, particularly if it’s a middle-aged, white woman of means, they’re acting like an entitled whiner.

In response to my post, I got some not so subtle chastising about my so-called lack of cultural sensitivity, lack of language skills (because I took Spanish instead of French when I was in school), and overall bad attitude. Another person assumed I had somehow “misunderstood” what had happened. They wanted to excuse the salesperson for serving straight up bad service, with generous side orders of disdain and disrespect. All we were trying to do was spend some money on local wines. For our efforts, we got the wrong wines, and egregiously rude treatment.

Then, when we complained, we got even more rude treatment, dismissing, discounting, and blame. I guess we shouldn’t have said anything? What really astonished me, though, was that the American people who were blaming ME for my bad experience were people who have never met me and don’t know the first thing about me. Why would they assume it was my fault that I had the misfortune of doing business with someone with a very obvious STANK attitude? All I did was go into a wine shop for a few minutes because I wanted to buy wine. Isn’t that what the wine shop is for?

I think it’s because in America, we’re quite fond of pushing toxic positivity. We discourage people from being negative, even if they have every right to complain. We like to blame the victim, even in situations that are egregiously unjust or horrific. Brittney Griner was arrested at the airport for having a small amount of hashish oil and vape cartridges in her luggage. Yes, it was against Russian law to have those items in her luggage, but it’s not like anyone was killed. I also highly doubt that the people who felt the nine years in prison was a just sentence would say the same thing if it was them or a loved one who got such a sentence, even in the United States. Mention harsh penalties, though, and you’re no doubt going to hear “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.” Some people seem to think that if you do something wrong, no punishment is too harsh… especially if you’re different and dare to speak up about things.

This morning over breakfast, I was reading about the world’s most “welcoming” countries, in terms of which countries will allow visa free visitors from the most nations. Singapore was mentioned as a very “welcoming” country. I’m sure Singapore is a beautiful place with kind and interesting citizens. But when I think of Singapore, I can’t help but remember the 1994 case of Michael P. Fay, and how he wound up getting four strikes with a rattan cane for vandalizing cars and stealing road signs. When he committed his crimes, Michael Fay was 18 years old and had moved to Singapore to live with his mother and stepfather.

I remember, during Fay’s fifteen minutes of fame, a lot of people were saying that Fay had asked for the caning, which was originally set to six strokes. He also got four months in jail and had to pay about S$3500 (Singapore dollars). The United States government intervened in that case, too, and Fay wound up getting only four strikes of the cane, which caused bleeding and scarring on his buttocks. Then he was deported, and when he got home, he promptly got into more legal trouble.

I don’t think Brittney Griner is going to do what Michael P. Fay did, once she’s been released from the hospital. Moreover, I don’t think Brittney’s initial crime was of the same magnitude as Fay’s was. What Griner did ultimately didn’t harm anyone. Fay and his friends actually did significant harm to other people’s property, costing them money and inconveniencing them. Personally, I thought the caning was barbaric, and it obviously didn’t teach Fay anything. But Griner’s punishment was much worse, and not only did she endure inhumane conditions, but her own countrymen are hurling abuse at her. I wonder if they’d be this vicious if Brittney Griner was a straight, white woman with conservative proclivities.

Besides being male and Caucasian, Michael Fay had something going for him that Brittney didn’t. He committed his crimes at a time when social media didn’t exist, and the Internet was only just getting started. He also became infamous at a time when our country was less polarized and weird. Or maybe it just seemed that way to me. I do remember though, at the time of Michael P. Fay’s crime, some people were calling him a spoiled brat. But they weren’t gleeful about the prospect of his ass being literally shredded by the caustic strikes of a rattan cane. They weren’t calling for him to rot in a foreign hellhole. They weren’t telling him he had no right to complain.

Sometimes, things are just plain wrong. Sometimes, they’re flat out terrible. People should always have the right to point out the bad things, because that’s how things get better. Keeping silent when there’s been an injustice sends a message that everything’s okay. Sometimes a complaint might seem “silly”. I’m sure some people in my wine group thought I was posting about a first world problem. I’ll admit that getting the wrong wine isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things… although I mainly wrote that post because my wine group is pretty dead lately. Brittney Griner’s situation is, of course, much more serious. Before she went to Russia to play basketball, she had the gall to “take a knee” against racism. She had the nerve to speak up and be noticed, and point out that America isn’t all that great and needs improvement. For that, there are people who literally think she should be suffer for years. I’ll bet that a lot of those folks, fine upstanding Christians that they are, also secretly hope she dies. That’s how warm and tender these supposed “Christ loving” people are…

Anyway… I suppose I’ve gone on long enough. I feel inspired to do a little music today, so I think I’ll sign off and get to work on that. Have a great Saturday… and embrace your inner “karen” if you are so inclined and a situation merits it.

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