Tag Archives: country music

book reviews, celebrities, mental health, psychology

My review of River of Time: My Descent into Depression and How I Emerged with Hope, by Naomi Judd

It’s hard to believe that a month ago, country music legend Naomi Judd, the maternal half of country music mother-daughter act, The Judds, was still among the living. I was in Italy at the time, enjoying an eagerly anticipated vacation. I was shocked, like so many others were, when I heard of her sudden death on April 30, 2022. Although they weren’t saying it at the time, it was pretty clear that she took her own life. It came out that Naomi Judd had suffered for many years with terrible, untreatable depression and anxiety. And, although she and her daughter, Wynonna, were to be honored for their musical achievements the very next day, Naomi simply couldn’t face life anymore.

Megyn Kelly interviews Naomi Judd about her depression, and her book, River of Time.

I was not a huge fan of The Judds, during their heyday. I do enjoy their music very much now, and I have a few of their greatest hits compilations. I read Naomi’s first book, Love Can Build A Bridge, which was published in the 90s, when Naomi was forced to temporarily retire due to her diagnosis of Hepatitis C. I also saw the made for TV movie based on that book. I also once saw Wynonna perform at a U.S. Army Birthday Ball. But, I am not a super fan of The Judds’ music, and wasn’t following news about them when Naomi died. I didn’t know about Naomi’s struggles with mental illness, and until my friend and fellow blogger, Alex, mentioned it in a comment, I also didn’t know that in 2016, Naomi published a book about her experiences with severe depression and anxiety. Although Naomi’s story clearly turned out to be less victorious than the book’s title, River of Time: My Descent into Depression and How I Emerged with Hope suggests, I decided to delve into it.

I read Naomi Judd’s book for several reasons. First off, I too, have suffered from clinical depression and anxiety myself, and I understand why it seemed so hard to beat it, because I remember how it made me feel. I was fortunate, in that my depression was treatable with talk therapy and Wellbutrin SR. It does, on occasion, rear its head again, but for the most part, I am much better than I once was. Secondly, I am a musician. No, I am not a “star”, and at this point in my life, I will probably never be a star… and frankly, I probably would not WANT to be a star, anyway. But I do make music, and I admire Naomi’s talents as a singer and songwriter. Thirdly, I come from similar, salt-of-the-earth, family stock. I didn’t know it when I started reading River of Time, but I could really relate to a lot of Naomi Judd’s comments about her family, and how people in her family made her feel. I’ll get more into that as this review progresses.

River of Time reads as if it comes straight from Naomi, but in fact, it was ghost written by author, Marcia Wilkie. I appreciated that this book really seemed to come from Naomi Judd’s heart, and I never noticed an intrusion by a professional writer. Some people felt that the book “jumped around a lot” and was “repetitive”. Personally, I didn’t find that an issue, but again, it did seem to me that this was a book coming from Naomi, rather than Marcia Wilkie. I see that at this writing, the book is offered on Kindle for $1.99, probably because ultimately, Naomi succumbed to her depression and committed suicide. I still think it’s well worth reading, for MANY reasons. So here goes…

Naomi Judd’s early years never suggested the great heights she would eventually reach…

Naomi Judd was born Diana Ellen Judd in Ashland, Kentucky on January 11, 1946. Naomi describes Ashland as a “grey”, ugly, industrial city. Her parents were poor, and not at all loving or demonstrative. Naomi made excellent grades in school and was a talented pianist, but her parents barely noticed. However, whenever she got any negative feedback from school officials, her father was quick to get out his belt and “whip” her. Naomi writes that she used to “borrow” her mother’s stiff rubber girdle when her father wanted to use the belt. She’d go to the bathroom, put on the girdle, and let him go to town, while she “hollered” like she was in pain. Apparently, he never caught on to Naomi’s ruse.

In this book, Naomi never refers to her original first name, or Wynonna’s. Wynonna was born Christina Claire Ciminella, although Naomi’s husband at the time of Wy’s birth was not her biological father. Wynonna was conceived when Naomi was seventeen years old, during Naomi’s very first sexual experience. She had a one night stand with a football player, she’d known in high school, a man named Charles Jordan. Naomi explains that she and Jordan got together for their tryst, because Naomi’s brother, Brian, was dying of leukemia. Naomi was very close to Brian, and she was feeling alone and vulnerable. As a lot of young girls do during their teen years, Naomi must have felt that connecting with a young man would make her feel loved and valued. Unfortunately, Charles Jordan abandoned Naomi, as soon as he found out about the pregnancy. Naomi quickly married Michael Ciminella, Ashley’s biological father, because Naomi’s mother, Polly, kicked her out of the family home.

Michael Ciminella’s family was sort of well off, and they lived a more comfortable lifestyle than Naomi’s family did. But Mrs. Ciminella was extremely obsessive about cleanliness and order. Naomi writes that when Wynonna was a baby, her mother-in-law had totally sanitized the whole house, and insisted that everyone wear masks and gloves before handling the baby. Even Naomi was expected to comply.

Naomi and Michael eventually moved to Los Angeles, California, where Ashley was born in April 1968. But the marriage didn’t last, and Naomi was soon raising her young girls by herself, with almost no help from Ciminella. After the divorce, Naomi reclaimed her maiden name and took the opportunity to change her first name, too. She enrolled in nursing school and eventually became a registered nurse. Unfortunately, when she was 22, Naomi was stalked by a violent, ex-con heroin addict, who beat and raped her. Still, somehow Naomi persevered and managed to launch her career in nursing. Meanwhile, she and Wynonna developed their musical chops, and eventually moved to Nashville, where they finally got their big break. Wynonna was eighteen years old when The Judds were on their way, but she and Ashley had still experienced a hardscrabble childhood, as their mother did everything she could to ensure their survival.

Naomi’s life heads south…

The Judds were wildly successful in the 1980s. They had fifteen #1 hit songs, and won dozens of music industry awards. Things seemed poised to continue in that direction, when Naomi started feeling ill. She went to a doctor, who told her that she had contracted Hepatitis C. She was told that her liver was “almost cirrhotic”, and that she had about three years to live. Fortunately, the medical establishment was wrong about her prognosis, but the diagnosis did force Naomi to retire in 1991. The Judds did a huge pay per view concert, which was a very successful event. Naomi eventually remarried in 1989, this time to Larry Strickland, a member of the Palmetto State Quartet, and former backup singer for Elvis Presley.

Although Naomi Judd had achieved great success in music, and also found the love of her life, she experienced extreme episodes of depression that left her feeling suicidal. So she did what wise people do when they feel sick. She saw a Nashville area psychiatrist. The psychiatrist did what a lot of psychiatrists do, when it comes to treating depression. He put her on antidepressants. She went through a huge list of them, and at times, she was never properly tapered off before the next drug was tried. Her doctor also prescribed the anti-anxiety medication, Klonopin. I took Klonopin myself at one time. Fortunately, it did nothing for me, and I quit taking it with ease. A lot of people get addicted to Klonopin, and other benzodiazepines. Naomi did, as did Stevie Nicks. Both women said that the drug destroys creativity and ambition.

The psychiatric drugs, and their lack of efficacy, along with the lack of talk therapy, made Naomi’s situation worse. She eventually landed in a psychiatric hospital at Vanderbilt University to be weaned off of the psychiatric drugs using IV phenobarbital. That was the first of several stays at mental health facilities, to include the psych ward at UCLA, as well as some posh rehab centers. She describes these experiences as if they were all horrifying– even the really plush, luxurious psych hospital was oppressive and terrifying. Eventually, she was able to get treatment from Dr. Jerrold Rosenbaum, a renowned psychiatrist at Mass General, in Boston. However, it was in Boston that she had electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), which used shock waves to improve. A lasting side effect from that treatment was the destruction of her ability to enjoy the taste of food. While ruining her sense of taste helped her lose weight, it also made one of her passions, cooking, a lot less enjoyable. She couldn’t even eat the treats she would make for others, because it all tasted “putrid”.

Still, Naomi Judd did find help when she discovered dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), which is a technique discovered by psychologist, Marsha Linehan. Naomi explains how the technique helped to center her and improved her mental health. DBT is a technique that is often suggested for people who aren’t helped by Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a well-known method for treating depression. As of 2016, Naomi did seem to be very edified by DBT. Unfortunately, we now know that the help she received from DBT was temporary. She never lost her urge to end her life.

Naomi also writes a lot about her family of origin. There was a lot of tragedy in her personal history, some of which came before she was even born. Some of her blood relatives were legitimately severely mentally ill, and more than a couple of folks were real criminals. Indeed, Naomi’s granddaughter, Grace Pauline Kelley, has done time in prison for drug offenses. As I read about Naomi’s grandmother, Edie Mae, who allegedly killed her husband, Howard (who had almost been killed by his own dad, when he was a child), I could definitely see a pattern.

Other people’s reactions to this book…

I took a look at the reviews on Amazon, to see what others thought of Naomi’s story about her mental illness. A lot of people wrote that they found River of Time “depressing”, and they described Naomi as engaging in a “pity party”. Some people wrote that they felt this book was a plea for attention.

Having now read River of Time, I guess I can understand why some people didn’t like the book. The truth is, Naomi’s life was depressing. She came from a family where there was a lot of mental illness and abuse. Naomi was sexually abused when she was very young, and she was not treated with love, consideration, or kindness when she was growing up. And so, it stands to reason that her true story is sad, and it should not be surprising to anyone that there are many depressing elements to Naomi’s life story. She had severe DEPRESSION, for God’s sake. What were people expecting? I do think that anyone who reads this book should NOT be expecting a chirpy book about how beautiful life is. That would be very disingenuous.

I mentioned earlier in this review that I can relate to Naomi’s story. My early years weren’t nearly as traumatic as hers were, by any stretch. But I grew up with an alcoholic father, as she did, and my father’s method of discipline was usually the corporal punishment kind. While I think my mom was more loving that Naomi’s was, she was somewhat cold and uninterested in me, especially when my dad was still alive. Mom is very different now, but when I was a kid, she was rather neglectful. And so, I could relate to Naomi’s yearning to have some acknowledgement from her parents, and other people in her family. I think that “pity party”, “whiny”, and “attention seeking” aspect of her writing that some people don’t like, was actually a facet of her illness. Her parents were, in part, responsible for the condition was was in… and make no mistake about it, it WAS a very real, physical, and mental illness that she couldn’t help. But at least she did TRY to get better, which is more than a lot of people can say. And she was fortunate enough to be able to consult some of the biggest and most successful people in the business. She was even friends with Maya Angelou.

I think the negative comments she got in Amazon reviews came from people who, bless their hearts, just don’t have a clue! They have not experienced depression themselves, so they don’t understand why Naomi, with all she had going for her in life, simply couldn’t snap out of it and be happy. They see her as selfish and self-indulgent, and don’t understand that she experienced real torment. Obviously, that torment was what led her to kill herself at age 76, even as she and Wynonna were about to be honored again. And no, she wasn’t the better singer in The Judds, but she was clearly a big part of the duo’s success. Wynonna was probably destined to be a star, but there’s no denying that her mom helped her on her way. I can understand why Naomi felt that she was left behind, and why that would be one of the many causes of her depression. On the other hand, she also accomplished a lot on her own, and somehow, those accomplishments evidently didn’t raise her opinion of herself, or her life.

Overall…

I’m glad I read River of Time. It is a sad book, and it does have the capability of being depressing, but to me, Naomi’s story felt authentic. I could relate so much to a lot of what she wrote. My heart went out to her, on more than a couple of occasions, and I even felt a little verklempt at times when I read this. I really wish that she could have conquered her demons, and enjoyed her life until its natural end. As we all know, that wasn’t to be. Depression CAN be deadly, though, and her story is a stark reminder of that verifiable fact. It’s easy for people to look at someone else’s life and think they have no reason to be sad, or to complain about anything. I would urge people not to make those kinds of judgments. When it comes down to it, you never know what kind of hell someone might be experiencing privately. Life is tough for most people… even famous, beautiful, talented, and rich people, like Naomi Judd was. I hope wherever her soul is now, she’s finally at peace.

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music, politics

Fresh, hot, gender roles…

Last night, I saw a post on Retro Wifey, a Facebook page I follow somewhat casually. It was about the Dixie Chicks, who made headlines in 2003, when they dissed former President George W. Bush at a concert in London.

This was a really hot album back in the day…

At the time the Dixie Chicks were being shunned and castigated for their liberal, anti-Bush political opinions, I was kind of new to their music. I thought they were very talented, and while I don’t typically go to celebrities for my politics, I figure they had as much right as anyone to speak up about their views. Of course, people also had the right to their responses. Unfortunately, lots of people decided to throw out their Dixie Chicks albums. Radio stations stopped playing their music, and they were kind of obscure for awhile.

Lots of conservatives relate to Toby Keith’s politics and don’t care if he sings about them… But God forbid if you’re a woman country singer who dares to be liberal…

I wasn’t surprised when I saw the reactions to Retro Wifey’s Dixie Chicks post. Plenty of people have forgiven the Chicks for their outspokenness, but other folks still haven’t let it go. A lot of people commenting on Retro Wifey’s post were still denouncing the Dixie Chicks, even though their anti Bush sentiment is ancient history. A lot of the same people who claim the Dixie Chicks should simply shut up and sing have no problem with Toby Keith’s sentiment of “putting a boot in someone’s ass” for messing with America. (… and honestly, a certain segment of Americans really are ignorant and ARROGANT… it’s SAD and embarrassing!) Toby Keith is a white man, though, so I guess he gets a pass.

I couldn’t resist leaving a comment. Here’s what I said…

They are very talented, doing fine, and totally entitled to their opinions, like any other American is.  ❤However, I think W is way better than Trump. I bet they think so too.

It’s true. I do think the Dixie Chicks probably do prefer W to Trump, even if they still don’t like George W. Bush. Someone apparently thought that meant I’m a Bush fan. She commented that Trump and Bush are “cut from the same cloth”. I responded with this…

I don’t think so. At least W isn’t a rapist and can speak in full sentences. I was certainly not a W fan, but at least he had some redeeming qualities. Trump is just vile.

And the person who commented to me wrote, “True that.”

I wasn’t surprised to see that my first comment got a variety of reactions. A few people gave me the orange angry emoji. I got one love. Two people thought my comment was funny, and nine liked it. My comment about Trump got less polarized reactions. I got one wow, ten likes, and four funnies. One of the people who thought my first comment was funny, wrote a comment dissing the Chicks. And because we were having a good time listening to music and drinking wine, I played along…

Yeah, I was kind of trolling…

When I see these kinds of comments– comments about a band’s talent or lack thereof, and most likely made strictly because of the band’s politics– I do wonder if it makes people feel better to slam them. I mean, maybe you don’t like the Dixie Chicks’ music, but how in the hell can anyone say they are the WORST band ever? How can someone say they have no talent? Shit, I can sit here and think of twenty bands that are way worse than the Dixie Chicks, yet they’ve made money. Moreover, I think that the Dixie Chicks got so much heat because they’re women and their audience was mostly country music fans, many of whom are Republicans. And sadly, I think a lot of people who identify as conservative lack the ability to understand that a person can be a wonderful, creative, talented performer and not subscribe to the same political world view as you do. For all of their talk about the Constitution and American freedoms, many conservatives sure seem hellbent on shutting up people who don’t agree with them. So the Dixie Chicks don’t like George W. Bush. Isn’t it very American of them to share their opinions? Aren’t we all about personal freedoms, particularly of speech and expression?

They aren’t talented? Really? We must hear them differently. I admire them for their bravery, although I like their bluegrass more than this. What they did in London back in 2003 was VERY American. We should be proud.

Case in point, I LOVE listening to Ricky Skaggs. He’s a brilliant musician. He often plays with Bruce Hornsby, who is a native of Williamsburg, Virginia, not far from where I grew up. I love Bruce Hornsby’s music, too. Bruce Hornsby reportedly votes as a liberal. Ricky Skaggs is definitely NOT liberal. He is a Trump supporter. I still love Ricky’s music, even if some of his homespun lyrics make me cringe (because they aren’t grammatically correct). The point is, I appreciate the music, and it’s alright if the musician doesn’t share my politics. Politics are personal. I don’t understand why people like Donald Trump. I suspect it’s mainly because he identifies as Republican and claims to be against abortion. Ricky Skaggs has said that he only votes for pro-life candidates. I don’t think Trump is truly pro-life, but he pays lip service, so Skaggs supports him. But even though I wish Republicans would insist on a more decent candidate, I don’t hold a person’s politics against them, particularly if I love their music.

Interesting that Ricky Skaggs would sing this, since this is pretty much an anti Trump anthem. But it looks to me that this collaboration is about something more than politics. It’s about making great music.
“My favorite book was ‘wrote’ about a man that died to save my soul.” Well, as a grammar snob, that annoys me… but I appreciate the song just the same.

Anyway… I don’t think people need to worry about the Dixie Chicks’ careers. They’re doing just fine. Looks like they’ve gone to the dark side of pop music, which is just fabulous for them. They’ll probably make more money that way. And they are certainly entitled to their opinions, as is any other person in a free society. I have a feeling that if the Dixie Chicks were men expressing themselves, they would have been forgiven by a lot more people by now. But they also probably would not have been as successful, because part of their appeal twenty years ago was that they were sexy, young women with oodles of talent and lots of sass. They got too sassy with the conservative lot, and some ignorant folks still haven’t gotten over it yet, seventeen years hence. But I figure if people still want to hold the Dixie Chicks’ politics against them and not listen to their music, it’s their loss.

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politicians, politics, Trump

Kacey Musgraves exercises her right to free speech. Trump supporters lose their damned minds.

I’ve had kind of a rough morning. Arran woke us up at about 4:00am by puking all over the bed. It’s now 8:37am, and I’m still not quite done washing the bedding. I decided to wash everything, though, since the mess– mostly stinky smelling watery fluid– was turning my stomach. Indeed, I sympathy retched along with Arran. So now I’m tired and cranky, and a little hungry and worried. Arran seems fine now, though.

This morning, I noticed a news article about Kacey Musgraves on my Google homepage. I don’t follow Kacey Musgraves. I think I saw her on DCC: Making the Team a couple of years ago. I’ve heard she’s a popular country singer, and apparently, she doesn’t like Donald Trump. In my view, that makes her more intelligent than the average country music fan. I certainly wouldn’t fault her for it. In fact, I don’t really go to celebrities for my politics, although I am getting to a point at which I think most Trump supporters are willfully ignorant, at best.

Kacey Musgraves talks to the DCC. They’re so image conscious, though, that I doubt they’ll have her back after this…

So anyway, in that very modern method of connecting with the people, Kacey Musgraves vented on Instagram about Trump, after Trump tweeted:

What a moronic fuckhead Trump is… This is NOT the way a leader should be behaving during a worldwide crisis!

Exercising her First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and expression, Musgraves posted on Instagram– “Donald Trump is a fucking tool!”

Naturally, this comment made a bunch of people melt down. Many folks compared her to the Dixie Chicks, whose music was boycotted back in 2003 when lead singer Natalie Maines criticized then President George W. Bush at a show they were doing in London. I remember when that happened… and boy, what I wouldn’t give to have W. in office now. Compared to Trump, he’s a fucking genius! Of course, I’d actually rather have someone other than W. as president, but my point is that for all the criticism George Bush got back in the day, he’s still a hell of a lot better than Trump is.

So anyway, lots of people are now saying on Facebook that Kacey Musgraves can expect a similarly swift rejection by country music fans, many of whom are Trump supporters. Some of them– family values loving Christians, I presume– are being pretty profane about it. Personally, I don’t understand this reaction from Trumpers. Aren’t they all about personal freedoms and small government? One especially vitriolic guy who looks like he’s dwelling in his mother’s basement and breathing from his mouth referred to Ms. Musgraves as an “entitled little b*****”.” (the asterisks were his– I don’t understand why he used them, since it’s obvious what his sentiments are.) I’ll bet the floor around his computer is sticky.

A screenshot of one of the photos of “Trump” (Alec Baldwin) that appeared in that thread.

The same guy went on to complain, “She just think [sic] she’s all that I was rolling her eyes and making faces what other country stars are doing their thing she just thinks the universe revolves around her. Snobby little pain in the A**!!!!” Um… my guess is that Kacey could buy and sell this dude and he’s jealous because she’s younger, more attractive, and wealthier… and people care what she thinks and says.

Another mentally gigantic person– male, of course– wrote this: Oh ,kacey made some money now she’s going to start calling our President names and loosing her fan base , completely ignorant to make the kind of money she is for being a ok singer ,but now wants to start badmouthing our President, that’s just stupid. She will find out [sic]

As usual, I’m left shaking my head at the worshipful attitude some people have toward Trump. They like him because he’s plain spoken and speaks up for them… however, he doesn’t do anything that would benefit them. He’s not interested in anyone but himself. He might have some regard for people who can do something for him, but as soon as a person no longer has any value, he dumps them.

One woman wrote this: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. That’s what I hear when you open your mouth. You are a miserable person and it shows all over you. You will never have the class that the other women in country music have.

Class, huh? At least Kacey keeps her clothes on for the camera, which is more than I can say for Mrs. Trump. And Kacey probably doesn’t try to grab anyone by the genitals because “she’s a star”. Seriously… do these people not pay any attention to what Trump actually says and does? There must be some serious cognitive dissonance going on with some of these folks. They act like Trump is this God fearing Christlike man, but in reality, he’s a liar, cheater, thug, and abuser. He’s as indecent as they come. He doesn’t care about Christ or his teachings. He worships money and pussy… probably in that order, followed by Big Macs and golf clubs.

Another highbrow image from that exploding thread…

I still don’t know much about Kacey Musgraves. I don’t regularly listen to her music. I might like her music if I did choose to listen, and since she has expressed herself in a way that has gotten my attention, maybe I’ll make a point of listening to a few of her songs. The fact that she thinks Trump is a fucking tool just elevates her in my mind. But above all else, she’s an American and she has the rights to her opinions, freedom of expression, and freedom of choice. Stop listening to her if you want to. You have the right to choose, too. But I wouldn’t worry too much about what’s going to happen to her career. Like Natalie Maines and the rest of the Dixie Chicks, Kacey Musgraves has talent and many people don’t give a shit about what she puts on Instagram.

And for those who think the Dixie Chicks’ careers were “ruined” by their comments about Bush, I suggest taking a look at what the Chicks are doing these days. You might be surprised. They have talent and a base that includes more than Trump supporting mental midgets who only believe in freedom for certain people who share their myopic views. America is supposed to be the land of the free… more people need to act like it. Artists, writers, and musicians must especially enjoy the right to express themselves. Years from now, people will be looking at their creative expressions to grasp what these times were like for us.

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