advertising, disasters, songs, Trump, videos

“Boom, boom, diddum, doddum, woddum, choo…”

I slept fairly decently last night. When I woke up, I didn’t expect to see any concrete election results, since we’re six hours ahead of the United States. It does surprise me that this race is so close. Maybe it shouldn’t, though. A lot of people are extremely rigid about their politics and will only vote for the people in their parties. I suppose I voted that way myself this year, although that’s not the norm for me. I usually try to consider people over political parties. I’m really angry with the Republican Party, though, and I don’t think I’ll forgive the people within it for a very long time.

I don’t really feel like writing more about the election, nor do I want to obsess over the results. The fact is, there are many votes that have yet to be counted. If the mail in votes aren’t counted, I wonder how any state can accurately claim a victor. I usually vote absentee. It’s rare that I’m actually in the place where I’m registered to vote. It started when I was in college. Then I was in the Peace Corps… then graduate school… and finally, as a military wife/overseas expat. My votes probably don’t get counted, which pisses me off, since I have to go to some effort to cast them.

But anyway… I see no reason to sit here and obsess about it. I probably ought to stay away from social media today, too… especially when people post these well meaning but ultimately privileged memes. The truth is, a lot of people’s rights are legitimately at risk. Telling people to “get over it”, which is pretty much what these things do, is disrespectful. But that’s just my opinion, and there’s nothing I can do… so instead, here’s a little silliness.

First of all… Bill got this ad on Facebook this morning. It looks like it’s a new campaign. These jolly dancing African guys, who are dancing with a coffin in face masks that match their socks, say wear a mask or die.

Are the masks for you or for me?

I have to admit, they look like a fun group of guys to hang out with. But they imply that if we don’t all wear a mask, we’ll die. I thought the masks were not useful for the wearer. Personally– I think that message is one reason why people don’t want to cooperate, especially in the United States. In any case, I do think the ad is entertaining if only because it’s just so strange. Upbeat techno music plays as these masked men in their colorful socks dance around with a coffin. What were they smoking when they came up with this idea?

I was singing the old song, “Three Little Fishies”, when I was made aware of Afrisocks. Bill saw the ad on his Facebook feed and had to share it with me. The ad appears to have come out a week ago, so it’s not very popular yet. I wonder what others will think of it.

“Boom, boom, diddum, dottum, woddum choo…”
“I almost had it…”
This is how I feel right now… PLEASE!!!

Yep… I rely on weird and funny shit like this to make it through the day, especially when I see people disregarding how completely horrible the president is. I mean, he could be as fucked up as Jeffrey Tambor singing “Boom, boom, diddum, dottum, wattum, choo” is on Three’s Company, but they’ll still vote for him over abortion rights or a few extra bucks in their paychecks. It’s tragic and pathetic.

Another weird and funny comment for today… a year ago, I learned the German word for “pussy”. I don’t remember why I learned it, only that I did. And I probably should use it more often than I do. Maybe it would make me laugh more. We could all use a few more laughs this year.

Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying your post election day. We’ll see what the future holds. I’ll get back to practicing guitar and reading about Lenny Kravitz. Maybe I should get The Muppet Show box set, too.

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silliness, social media, Trump

Crap I don’t need.

I could easily write another post about how awful things are right now… Well, I could write about what appears to be very awful stuff. Many of my friends on social media are waxing poetic about the horrors of racism. I want to go on record to say that I completely agree that what happened to George Floyd is absolutely horrifying. The riots and protests that are going on around the world– yes, even here in Europe— are totally understandable. People are fed up with a lot of things. They’re fed up with racism, violence, incompetent leadership, corruption, joblessness, poverty, and being locked down due to COVID-19. And I want to say that I understand that people are very angry, and justifiably so.

However… I don’t think another post by yours truly about that subject is going to make things better for anyone. I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will change anything or improve the situation. All it will do is signal to other people that I’m trying to be on the right side of history. And believe me, I do think there will come a day in the future– provided the human race isn’t suddenly wiped out– that folks will look back on the year 2020 and judge who was and who wasn’t decent, the same way people look back on other major historical events like World War II. Those who know me probably already know where I stand. Those who don’t know me probably think they know.

So… in the interest of not going where people are already going and going and going, I’m going to write about a different topic. It’s not because I don’t care about what’s happening. I do. But I am feeling saturated, and I think that other people are probably saturated, too. So today’s post is going to be about something else I’ve noticed as I’ve read all of the heartfelt status updates and essays people are sharing on Facebook. It’s about those ads… you know, the ones that Facebook sends as a means to get you to support it. Lately, I’ve been getting some real doozies… crap I definitely don’t need.

I usually try to hide the most egregiously offensive Facebook ads. For awhile, I was getting a shitload of ads for bras and underwear. Well, I do my best to avoid bras whenever possible, although I will admit that if I have to go out in public, I dutifully strap one on. So I finally got rid of the constant barrage of bra ads. Now I’m getting ads for ugly clothes… Behold the gallery of ugliness below…

People must be able to sell this crap on Facebook, though, because I get tons of ads for this stuff. Some of it is really inappropriate. Like, for instance, the faux leather leggings I wrote about last year. Who decided that a woman in her late 40s needs to be wearing faux leather anything? Especially tight garments like leggings. And the men’s shirts with lemons on them? From a store called “Footgearbuy.com”? I did read a funny comment from one person who said the store should be called “Forget to buy”. Maybe when I was younger, I might consider wearing overalls made of patches. But now, I think they’d make me look like I need psych meds. For one thing, overalls or jumpsuits on people with dumpy figures are not flattering. I’d look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. For another, it’s a real pain in the ass to wear clothes that require stripping in order to use the bathroom. And God knows, I don’t need to sport a camel toe, especially in loud colors.

Bill did recently buy me a funny t-shirt off of Facebook. It’s blue and has pictures of dogs on them wearing face masks standing behind many rolls of toilet paper. It’s kind of an ugly shirt, but it works well when I need to walk Arran. 2020 is definitely the year when shit got real… and real bizarre.

This morning I saw something that I could see myself buying. It would go very well with my Margaret Thatcher nutcracker…

Yeah… totally frivolous and unnecessary purchase. But I love it anyway.

I’m serious, though. I do have a Margaret Thatcher nutcracker. I saw one in a house I toured in Scotland and thought it was hilarious, so I tracked one down on eBay. I never use it to crack nuts, but simply admire the Iron Lady’s metal thighs…

This is not my nutcracker. This is the one I saw in the house we were touring. As you can see, the owners of the home are typically tasteful of their tipples.

Yeah, a Maggie Thatcher nutcracker is tacky junk. I never claimed to be particularly tasteful. Most of my furniture is crap, although I did grow up in a house with nice things in it. My mom kept our house pristine, too. I didn’t inherit her gift for keeping house or buying classy furniture. I’d rather hang out with my dogs and trade dirty jokes with Bill.

I get the odd German ad, too. This one cracks me up. The guy in the red shirt looks like he’d be fun at a party.

Speaking of hanging out… we didn’t go anywhere this weekend. Bill wanted to go out, but I still couldn’t be bothered to deal with all of the fuss that comes with going out nowadays. I realize I’m very fortunate that I have the choice to stay home. Not everyone does. But this morning, I saw photos from last year, when Bill and I took a day trip to Bacharach and enjoyed some time at a Biergarten. And well… I’m thinking I can’t stand to be staying home for much longer. I’ve been pretty stubborn about not going anywhere, but I’m starting to feel the strain. I guess if there is a bright side to what’s happening right now, it’s that at least there’s been less pandemic shaming. Unfortunately, I fear that all the protests will lead to another wave of sickness. A lot of people will probably end up with COVID-19 after attending the massive protests.

I think Leland Sklar pretty much sums it all up… He says pretty much what I’m thinking. Watch this for the wonderful music at the end, “The Lark Ascending” by Ralph Vaughan Williams. It’s profoundly moving.

On a more serious note, I do feel fortunate not to be in the United States right now. It’s been heartbreaking to watch what’s happening, even from a distant vantage point. At the same time, I’m glad not to be in the thick of it. I truly hope that we can get a real leader in charge this year. Trump is a disgrace, and he’s done nothing to make this situation better. All he does is stoke the flames of violence and racism. I feel so sad for the many people who have been harmed during his administration. I don’t feel like there’s anything I can say that would make this situation better or less hurtful. So I’m just going to say that I’m just very sorry. If I could think of something profound to write that would be healing or helpful, I would write that instead of a post about crap sold on Facebook. But I can’t. So I hope at least seeing the shirt with the lemons made someone smile. Crap I don’t need… and something I should forget to buy indeed!

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complaints

BDSM pants…

Last week, I wrote a post about depressing Facebook ads. It was inspired by the many strange ads that wind up on my social media. Sometimes, I wonder why in the hell certain products are targeted to me. But my eyebrows really raised when I got the ad below yesterday…

Seriously? What the fuck! I saw this on my timeline and immediately felt even bitchier than usual. In what world would someone my age want to wear these things, with the bubble-like ass? They would look completely cringeworthy!

Even though my first instinct was bitchiness, something about that ad was also hilarious, so I decided to share it with the caption, “I don’t think I need to see this fucking ad anymore.” Several friends laughed with me on this, because we’re all around the same age and none of us would wear these pants. In fact, I think even when I was in my teens and early 20s, these would have looked ridiculous on me. I used to be able to rock riding pants, which are kind of tight fitting, but they aren’t all shiny and fake leathery like these. I feel like all this model needs to complete her ensemble is a bullwhip and a bottle of gin!

Why advertisers are directing these pants at me, a short, fat, almost 47 year old woman, is beyond me. Since it’s Facebook, they probably throw that ad at anyone who might be deluded enough to think they’d look good in those pants. It’s all about making money, regardless of good taste and common sense. These “yoga pants” come in a range of sizes, from XXS to 3XL. If you order two pairs, they send you a free “secret” gift. What kind of secret gift? Anal beads? Nipple clamps? How about Astro Glide?

I wonder if these BDSM “yoga pants” are on YouTube… Lemme see…

Oh my Lord, they are. Jesus Christ!

So the model is wearing sky high stiletto heels. She’s not going to be doing yoga in these. Why are they being marketed by a “yoga” store? These aren’t the same ones that were on my Facebook page, but they are made by the same company. I’m no Olivia Newton-John circa 1978.

Thinking about trying to fit my lumpy ass in these “pants” just depresses me. Apparently, “faux”, vegan, leather leggings are popular now. Or, at least they were in 2017, when this lady reviewed a range of them to everyone on YouTube.

This lady is crowing about Forever 21’s $13 fake leather leggings… made of lots of synthetic material. I’m just sitting here looking like Ted Cruz, because the idea of wearing these things in hot weather just makes me think of this classic South Park episode…
All she ever does is work! The poor minge just wants freedom from stuffy pantsuits.

Actually, having now sat through the 13 minute video on “faux, vegan, leather leggings”, I’m feeling kind of non-plussed. YouTuber Milabu reviewed leggings ranging from $13 to $188 in cost, and the most expensive ones are pretty tacky looking. She said she had to size up for the $188 Hugo Boss leggings because they didn’t have her size in stock. But the $13 Forever 21 leggings are clearly better looking than Hugo Boss’s ugly $188 ones. I guess it just goes to show that paying more doesn’t always mean you’ll get more.

I won’t be buying any faux leather leggings or yoga pants. I might buy sweat pants, but lately I don’t even want to wear those. I’ve been enjoying the nice, modest, long sleeved cotton nighties being sold by Land’s End. In fact, maybe it’s time I shopped for a couple more in a lighter color or with short sleeves.

When I was a kid, these were advertised on TV all the time. I see we’re still being pressured to wear clothes that look like shit. I love the plump lady at the end of the ad who seriously thinks she’s going to be wearing the designer jeans painted on the model. I don’t think so, Granny. Even back in the 80s, I don’t remember people walking around in this space suit.

I’m kind of surprised it’s already Friday. The week went by fast. I’m going to spend today searching for lodging in Sweden, Denmark, and northern Germany. Why? Because we’re taking a quick trip to Sweden to pick up our new Volvo. Since it’s our first Swedish car, we’re going to do the factory tour. If we were buying the car from the States, Volvo would help us plan a vacation. Alas, U.S. customers in Germany going for the military sales deal don’t get the same love. We have to buy our own plane tickets.

Volvo will put us up in a hotel for one night and pick us up at the airport, but since we have only spent a few hours in Sweden (after our very first cruise in 2009, when we disembarked in Stockholm), I wanted to stay two nights. For two nights, we’re on our own. So I’m trying to decide where to go… I’m thinking stops in Rostock and Copenhagen might work out fine. Gotta research it. I found an amazing hotel in Gothenburg that I’m dying to try. It’s very pricey, though, and I’m not sure we want to spend that much. Especially since we’re about to have car payments again.

Well, at least I won’t be spending any money on “BDSM pants”. I prefer natural fibers and a camel toe free existence. My minge likes to breathe and be free. Bill likes the fluffy version of me, anyway.

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complaints

Depressing and strange Facebook ads…

This morning, as I was scrolling through my feed, I noticed a new ad from the Facebook gods. Apparently, I am in the demographic for which bowel cancer screening is now encouraged. Check out this ad.

I don’t doubt that bowel cancer is a risk for me… but do I really want to be warned about it on Facebook?

All kidding aside, it probably wouldn’t be a bad idea for me to take this test. I just think it’s kind of depressing that it shows up on my Facebook feed, along with ads for shape wear, ugly leggings, and period proof underwear. Lately, the ads have been getting more and more obnoxious and offensive, and I find myself clicking the “hide ad” button. They don’t give you enough choices to explain why you want to hide the ad, though. If I want to hide an ad, I have three choices as to why– it’s irrelevant, repetitive, or I’ve already purchased it. I don’t have the opportunity to claim that the ad is offensive, annoying, or stupid.

See what I mean? This just showed up in my feed. Good on them for showing women of different body types, but what in the world makes them think I’d want to wear leggings?

I’ve also been getting ads for things I’ve Googled, but not necessarily posted about on social media. For instance, a few weeks ago, I had an itchy rash. I was looking online for a good skin cream to soothe the itch. Before I knew it, Facebook was showing me ads for German skin products that treat itching. It was kind of creepy, since I never posted about the rash on Facebook. I mean, sometimes I do overshare, but even I have my standards.

For some reason, Facebook seems to think I’m in the market for beachfront property in Spain and Croatia. I get ads for homes for sale in those countries. To be honest, Bill has been talking about buying a house in Spain, mainly because we like Europe better than the United States. I don’t know that we’ll ever do that. It’s possible. He has friends who have done it, and we really don’t have any pressing reasons to move back to the United States, other than to reclaim the stuff we have in storage. In Spain, especially, there are lots of like minded Brits who abandoned England for sunny Spain. I like Spain, too, although it reminds me a little of Texas, especially in the summer.

The Croatian houses appear to be a good value, but I don’t speak a word of Croatian and have only been there on a joyride that lasted about two or three hours. I have yet to take a proper trip there. So why does Facebook think I want to buy a house in Croatia?

I’m kind of surprised I haven’t gotten more ads for cars. Bill and I recently test drove a couple of vehicles and decided on a Volvo. We usually buy our cars brand new, but we drive them until well after they’re paid off. I have a 2009 Mini Cooper that hasn’t even cracked 50,000 miles yet because I don’t drive it much. But it’s been paid off for five years. The Volvo is probably going to be our last expensive car. We’re getting older and there’s no need for all the bells and whistles. But I have mentioned the car shopping on Facebook and haven’t really been bombarded with car ads yet. Bill is placing the order for the car today, though, which probably means I’ll start getting hit with ads.

It seems to be the way of things that I get ads for things I’m no longer shopping for, like period proof panties. I mean, I can still use them, but I don’t see the point in that, since I’ve been dealing with occasionally bloody undies for over thirty years now. Why switch when pretty soon, I’ll be in the blissful land of menopause?

I also get ads for dentists and dental insurance. It’s true that once I hit forty, I started having more dental needs. In fact, I have a date to see our dentist this week. Hopefully, there won’t be anything wrong, because that’s all I’d need.

I think the worst ads are the ones that seem to read my mind. It’s almost like advertisers know what’s in your head. Sometimes that’s not such a bad thing, since it can lead to finding something you want or need. For me, it’s unnerving, though, that social media seems to know what I want when I haven’t even expressed it. Right now, there’s an ad for a Swiss mattress on my Facebook feed. I haven’t posted about needing a new mattress or even shopped for one, since I have an American bed and European mattresses are different. But we do need a new mattress. The one we have is about ten years old and it’s due to be replaced. That will have to wait. 2019 is already turning out to be very expensive!

I suspect there will be more annoying noise pollution today as the road workers continue to reconstruct our sidewalk. Last year, in our last town, they were fixing the road in front of the house. This year, in a new house, it’s the sidewalk. I’m glad we’ll be leaving town in a couple of days, because the noise really stresses me out.

Oh… and I’m so glad Meghan “popped” yesterday. Funny, she was probably in the process as I was writing that post. I guess we were on the same wavelength.

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