Duggars, narcissists, politicians, Trump

What the Trumps and the Duggars seem to have in common…

I’ve been reading Mary Trump’s new tell all book, Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man, all about growing up Donald Trump’s niece. I’m probably about halfway through it at this point. I also fell down a couple of YouTube rabbit holes yesterday. I found this lady’s Duggar centered channel…

Okay… it’s not actually Duggar centered. But she does have a lot of Duggar content.

Without a Crystal Ball is run by a dark-eyed, light-haired woman named Katie Joy. She has videos about a lot of shows, but I found her because she does a lot of Duggar videos. Somehow, YouTube knows I’m a sucker for Duggar videos.

As I was reading more of Mary Trump’s book this morning, it dawned on me. JimBob Duggar is probably a narcissist. So was Fred Trump, Donald Trump’s father. So is Donald Trump. You can see by the way these men handle(d) their business that they are extraordinarily controlling, and they think they know more than they actually do. They don’t take counsel from other people, and those who are in their sphere know better than to cross them.

About an hour ago, over breakfast, I read a passage in Mary Trump’s book about how she had wanted to go to boarding school. Mary’s parents, Linda and Freddy Trump, had divorced, but even before their divorce, they were pretty much governed by Fred Trump, right down to Freddy’s being pretty much ostracized and disowned for deciding to be an airline pilot instead of going into the family’s real estate business.

The decision to allow Mary Trump to go to boarding school was to be decided by Fred Trump Sr., not Freddy Trump and his ex wife, who were Mary’s parents. Freddy served as a living warning to Fred and Mary Trump’s other children, not to cross Daddy. Freddy managed to get his father to consent to allowing Mary to go to boarding school (which was paid for with Freddy’s trust fund). The day before she was to go off to school, Mary went to her grandparents’ house to say goodbye to her dad. He was staying with his parents because, since the failure of his career as a pilot and disastrous stint in the real estate biz, Freddy had become an alcoholic. The alcoholism was so bad that it had destroyed his health. He got very sick and, with nowhere else to go, was forced to live in his old childhood bedroom.

When Mary reached the familiar back door to her grandparents’ house, she was greeted by her grandmother, who said her father wasn’t there. She was acting awkward and weird. Mary noticed, but didn’t press. Grandma Trump said she’d have him call her. Freddy never did call. Two weeks later, Mary was told she needed to call home. Her grandfather basically told her nothing was wrong and that she should call in the morning. Not believing her grandfather, Mary called her mom, who told her the sad news that Freddy had died of a heart attack at age 42.

When it came time to bury Freddy, Mary tried to let her elders know of her father’s final wishes. He had not wanted to be buried, and was very adamant about that. She had also wanted to see her dad before he was cremated. Not only was Mary denied the right to see her dad one last time, but after he was cremated, Fred Trump buried the ashes, despite Freddy’s wishes not to be buried. And when it came time to distribute his personal effects, Mary got nothing. Her brother, Fritz, got Freddy’s Timex watch.

So what does this story by Mary Trump have to do with the Duggars? Well… I have heard and read from many sources that Duggar kids go against their father’s wishes at great risk. Derick Dillard has gone against JimBob quite publicly and he and Jill quit Counting On, and Jeremy Vuolo has whisked Jinger away to Los Angeles. Sources reveal that both couples are a bit on the outs with Boob. Jill and Derick, for instance, are not allowed to go to the Tinker Toy Mansion without JimBob’s permission or presence. Jill had once been Daddy’s “favorite”. Now, she’s an outcast, but it looks like she’s embracing a more mainstream lifestyle. Same thing with Jinger. However, it appears that freedom comes with great cost.

I think Derick Dillard may contribute to Boob’s inevitable downfall.

If you’ve been reading my blogs over the years, you know that my husband was kept from seeing his daughters for many years, due to their narcissistic mother’s insistence that they disown him. In March of this year, Bill finally saw his younger daughter. It had been fifteen years, and younger daughter, now 26 years old, is finally able to make her own decisions. She seems to have come to terms with the idea that if she wants to live her own life, she may have to do so without contact with her siblings who are still on their mother’s side.

This is a common tactic narcissists use to stay in control of their relatives and others who are close to them. They handle the money, the major decisions, and set things up so that if you go against their wishes, disaster will strike. Or, even if disaster doesn’t have to strike, they train their relatives so that it seems like there will be a disaster that will befall anyone who leaves the fold. It’s not unlike being in a cult. That perception of impending doom can be very powerful. It takes a lot of courage and will to leave a narcissistic family system. It basically means you have to strike out on your own. And if you come from a really powerful family and have limited access to money or transportation, that can be an extremely daunting task.

In Freddy Trump’s case, being Fred Trump’s son meant that he couldn’t get loans, because his father was buddies with all of the powers that be at the local banks. That meant that instead of buying himself a nice house in Long Island, he was forced to live in a shitty, slummy apartment building owned by his father, that his father refused to fix. It meant that instead of doing the work he wanted to do, Freddy Trump was forced to work for his father, doing work that didn’t interest him. The hopelessness of it, along with those Scottish genetics from his mother, probably contributed to his severe alcoholism and eventual early death.

Jim Bob Duggar is probably not as powerful as Fred or Donald Trump, but he does have a lot of power. He owns many properties in Arkansas, has plenty of lawyers and money to pay them, and has trained an army of children, over half of whom are now young, healthy, strong adults. He also has their spouses, many of whom were kind of brokered into the Duggar family by their parents. It takes a certain type of person to marry a Duggar child… someone who will toe the line.

However, it’s plain that Boob failed to notice that Derick and Jeremy, and probably Austin Forsyth (Joy Anna’s husband), aren’t going to take his shit forever. But JimBob clearly sees as people in his family as slaves. He tries to “own” them. I can see that getting out of his clutches isn’t an easy endeavor, especially as the adult children have children of their own. Those children and their total dependence on their parents make it much harder for the Duggar adults to escape Boob’s narcissistic clutches and strike out on their own. There are a few exceptions, though. I think John David pretty much tells his dad to buzz off when he feels like it.

I’m mostly enjoying Mary Trump’s book… some of it is very sad, though. I get the sense that the malevolent streak in the Trump family doesn’t even so much come from Friedrich Trump, who ironically died in the last major world pandemic, back in 1918. He got Spanish Flu. It seems to me that the real culprit of the Trump nastiness came from Fred Trump’s mother, Elizabeth Christ Trump. She was the one who really got the business going, and, according to Mary Trump, she treated Fred’s Scottish wife, Mary, like dirt.

I’m sure it was tough for Mary Trump to decide to write this book. She basically reveals her family’s dysfunction for all that it is. Her Uncle Donald is, for now, one of the most powerful men on the planet, and he is royally fucking things up. It’s probably very embarrassing for her. She seems like a good and decent person with empathy and, in fact, it appears that most of the Trumps aren’t terrible people… just a few of them who have that malevolent, narcissistic streak that compels them to enslave and exploit people. I’m sure that Mary Trump might even fear for her safety after having written her book. I think she was brave to do it.

Likewise, I hope Derick Dillard or Jill, or someone else in the Duggar family spills the tea about JimBob. But then, I have seen his type enough times to recognize the behavior. I know he’s a narcissist and that his family members are mostly neatly under his thumb. I even remember someone on their reality show– can’t remember which one– saying that you don’t say no to JimBob. If you do, you might live to regret it. He’s a bully.

As for Without A Crystal Ball… I don’t know if I’ll keep watching her videos. I just happened to stumble across them a couple of days ago and they fit with today’s post. Hopefully, I’ll be able to review Mary Trump’s book soon.

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Duggars

The message here…

I have not made it a secret that I follow the Duggar Family News Facebook page and am a member of its private group. I don’t comment very often, nor do I follow what goes on there obsessively. I could fill a whole day doing that, since both locations are very active and popular. I probably read two or three posts a day.

We just celebrated Christmas, so there have naturally been a lot of Duggar “Christmas” posts. There’s also at least one more baby on the way. John David Duggar and his wife, Abbie, are expecting a daughter this month. So besides Christmas posts, there have also been baby shower posts.

I used to watch the Duggars on TLC. I quit watching when the show became unbearably boring. My hiatus lasted a couple of years. I started watching again when the Duggar women started pairing off. Back in 2014, Jill Duggar was “courting” Derick Dillard. I initially liked Derick, who was a college graduate living in Nepal. He seemed intelligent enough and genuinely appeared to love Jill, even if her dad made some ridiculous requirements for him to meet before he would sign off on him being allowed to get to know his daughter.

Jill and her dad, Boob, flew to Katmandu to hang out with Derick and after a few embarrassing control moves, Boob gave the two of them permission to wed. In those days, Jill was evidently one of Boob’s favorite children. I heard a rumor that it was because she was obedient and quick to tattle on her siblings, but there could have been other reasons. Hell, maybe she was always a “black sheep”, as she appears to be now.

“Pickles”, the lady who runs the Duggar Family News page and its group, has noted that Jill has apparently become persona non grata. She’s no longer featured on the Counting On show, which initially was just about her and Jessa, who is married to Ben Seewald. Jessa, fans will remember, was the first to court, but Jill and Derick married before Jessa and Ben did. And Jessa, who always seemed to have a reputation for being disobedient, now seems to be the golden child. What happened?

Back when they weren’t black sheep…

Well… it all seemed to start when Derick started attacking fellow TLC star Jazz Jennings on social media. Jennings is transgendered. That’s pretty much all I know about her, since I’ve never seen her show. But Derick was making disparaging comments about Jennings, which drew some negative heat to the Duggar clan. Derick was eventually kicked off the show over it. He probably could have come back if he groveled enough, but then he seemed to get upset over another huge issue… not being paid for his work.

In 2015, it also became public knowledge that Josh Duggar had molested four of his sisters and another female back when he was a teenager. The Duggars covered it up for years, and when the secret was finally out, the fallout was pretty epic. Of course, a lot of us thought they’d finally be kicked off TV, once and for all. Alas, it was not to be.

Anyway, years later, it’s pretty obvious that Derick is no longer in Boob’s favor. It was revealed on Duggar Family News that Derick and Jill are no longer allowed to visit the Duggar compound unless they have specific permission from Boob. Other news outlets have picked up the story, that Jill has now apparently become a black sheep. Back in May, when her sister Jessa unexpectedly gave birth to her daughter, Ivy, Jill had to get permission to tend to her. Before she was persona non grata with her family, Jill was supposedly training to be a “midwife”. Others in the family had already gone to the wedding Jessa and Ben were planning to attend when it was suddenly time for Ivy to make her entrance into the world. Clearly, Jessa needed help and Jill was available, but instead of arranging it among themselves, like most normal adults would, Jill had to ask her daddy. I wonder what the rest of the family thinks about this.

All of this appears to be happening because Derick has been very outspoken on a number of topics, to include his displeasure that he and Jill reportedly weren’t paid for their appearances on Counting On. Apparently, Boob is the only one with contracts involving TLC and he’s the one being paid. Derick, as a normal adult with a family to support, was thinking he and Jill should be getting paid for their work on the show, rather than Boob doling out the money as he wanted. I’m no fan of Derick Dillard’s now, although I do think he has every right to be upset about the way Jim Bob handles his adult children.

As Pickles pointed out in her comments about this issue, Josh Duggar, who not only threatened the cash cow, but also molested his sisters and cheated on his wife, Anna, is still allowed full access to the family. He has been photographed at family events that don’t include Jill, Derick, and their two boys, Israel and Samuel. Josh’s actions are the ones that damaged the family’s reputation the most, yet he hasn’t been forsaken. His sister, Jill, who was one of his victims, has… evidently simply because her husband wants to be paid and treated like an adult… and head of his family.

So what is the message here? It seems that Josh, being the eldest son and producer of six Duggar grandchildren so far, has been forgiven for being a sex pest and philanderer, even though it tarnished the family’s name. Jill, who had always seemed to be in favor, is not in favor anymore, because her husband doesn’t want to be Boob’s doormat and has determined that he and the rest of his family won’t be on Counting On again. So much for the close, “loving” family the Duggars appeared to be back in the day.

To be honest, I’ve mostly lost interest in watching the Duggars on TV. I don’t watch Counting On at all, mainly because I’d have to pay for it and I find it very dull. It’s more fun to read the snarky comments on Pickles’ page and in her group, but even that doesn’t interest me much anymore. Personally, I think it’s time for the Duggars to go away and get jobs that don’t involve their being on television. However… if one of the “kidults” decided to write a tell all book, I’d probably read it. I bet Derick will eventually do just that at some point, once the TV franchise is finally dead. Or maybe Jeremy Vuolo will do it? Who knows? I think it would be best if one of the Duggar women wrote the book… in previous years, I would have expected Jessa to be the bold one, but now I think she’s got her head rammed up Boob’s ass. So maybe Jill will add to her nose ring and pants wearing and tell the world what it’s really like to “grow up Duggar”. It would be the ultimate “fuck you”, and I bet she’d make lots of money… although Boob would probably disown her for good. And frankly, that might not be such a bad thing.

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Jill Dillard’s diddling tips…

Jill Dillard, wife of Derick Dillard, was just in the news for offering up sex tips to the masses. I read a couple of articles about Dillard’s advice on how to keep her man satisfied. They pretty much parrot what her mother, Michelle Duggar, said a few years ago about being “joyfully available” to her boob husband, Jim Bob.

In fairness, Ms. Dillard didn’t actually offer explicit sex tips. That wouldn’t be Duggar-like. Instead, she counsels her (female) followers to have sex three or four times a week, pray and fast for their husbands, and make sure they wear makeup and non-frumpy pajamas to bed. Huh? Makeup to bed? That sounds like a recipe for acne. She also counsels her readers to avoid masturbation. Of course, she doesn’t actually put it that way. That would be especially un-Duggar-like.

I think I’d be exhausted if I had sex 3 or 4 times a week. She must have a lot of stamina.

I will admit, I initially just read the articles about this topic. Then I decided to visit Jill’s blog and read the actual post. Some of her tips are good. For instance, I agree that talking to one’s spouse is important. I also agree that a wife shouldn’t act like her husband’s mother… although I can’t imagine a situation in which I would lick my finger to wipe something off of Bill’s face. That’s just nuts. Obviously, Jill has done it to Derick and he’s commanded her to stop. I think her advice about being open about spending habits is also good.

However… just like the articles implied, the overwhelming tone of her post is much like her mother’s advice to be “joyfully available”. It sounds like it’s entirely the wife’s job to keep the fire burning. The one thing I’ve learned in 16 years of marriage is that it’s a partnership. Both partners need to be on the same page. It’s not just up to one or the other.

I’m glad Jill still loves Derick, especially since they both seem to have fallen out of Boob’s favor. Derick went from a seemingly nice guy with a taste for international adventure, to an offensive twit. I used to like him. Now I think he’s an asshole, mainly for his transphobic and homophobic remarks. However, I do have a little bit of respect for him for not putting up with Boob’s shit. Or so it appears, anyway.

I don’t know if Jill and Derick will be adding to their brood. I have a feeling they planned to have more than two children. I remember when Jinger first got married, Jill asked her if she was pregnant within weeks of Jinger’s wedding. I can still picture the shocked look on Jinger’s face after such an intrusive and embarrassing question. Jinger and Jeremy famously waited over a year before they started their baby production, while Jill evidently was already pregnant by the time the honeymoon was over. And now it’s been almost two years since her last baby… an eternity in Duggar spawning years. But who knows? She might stop at two.

I’ve pretty much quit watching the Duggars, anyway. I think I watched the season before the most recent one, but I found it so boring and mundane that I decided not to watch it anymore. Instead, I follow Pickles on her Life is Not All Pickles and Hairspray page and group. The commentary in there is enough to satisfy my curiosity. Aside from that, some of the people in that group are genuinely intelligent and funny, especially with the snark they lay on the fundies.

I don’t think I need to take advice from Jill, for marriage or for cooking… Her foodie posts are notoriously nasty. But I guess Derick must like it… if he’s finally stopped gagging, that is.

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Uncategorized

The “Word of God”…

Yesterday, while I was listening to the extreme winds and more episodes of Under Arrest, I noticed an email I received from the “Word of God” mailing list. I sat there and pondered it for a moment, then wondered how in the hell I wound up on such a list. I posted the status on Facebook, which got a bunch of laughing reactions from my friends, many of whom know me personally. My friends know I’m not exactly a God fearing person. Maybe that will be to my detriment. Who knows?

I have mentioned previously that I am not quite an atheist. I do believe in some form of higher power. I’m not quite sure what it is. Maybe it’s just a form of higher consciousness. It could be more of a psychological thing than a religious thing. But I don’t go to church, and haven’t in many years. I don’t read the Bible. I never did read much of it, even when I did go to church. I see the value in church, but mainly as a social outlet. I’d go for the music and companionship… and maybe, if the minister is intelligent and a good speaker, I’d go for the message. But I’m really not religious.

So how in the hell did I end up on the Word of God mailing list? They were sending me Bible verses with a link to a Web site. I noticed at the bottom of the email, there was a disclaimer calling it an “advertisement”. That made me hit the unsubscribe button. If I were religious, I’d say that religion has no place as a business entity. In fact, the monetary aspect of religion is probably what turns me off of it. If there is a God, and God is this great, magnificent, omnipotent being, then there should be no need for money to have a relationship with God.

I almost wonder if someone subscribed me to that mailing list like someone might send porn to another person as a prank. But then, usually with an email address, one must actively click a link to make the subscription stick. That requirement, no doubt, cuts down on the pranksters. It’s harder to stop someone from doing that with snail mail. If I were a really nasty person, I might sign up my enemies to some kind of exotic porn magazine that comes to their house. That wouldn’t go over well, particularly if they were religious… or maybe it would? Josh Duggar is supposedly a “Christian”, but he was busted for cheating on his wife with exotic dancers and molesting five girls, four of whom were his own sisters. The Christ I was introduced to would never condone such actions, but then, I have noticed that a lot of Christians are the type to live by the “do as I say, not as I do” mantra.

Speaking of the Duggars… I remember when their show first came on the air. Michelle Duggar gushed about their “JOY” philosophy. Jesus first. Others second. Yourself last. But I’ve watched them since, oh, 2004 or so, and they’ve gone from being relatively “humble” (or as humble as Boob can be) to becoming downright wealthy. They’ve made their money using a medium that they used to swear was evil… the television set. Nowadays, TV has been usurped by the Internet, and the Duggars are all over that, too. Many of the adult Duggars are partnering with companies to help them sell their stuff, rather than getting trained in legitimate professions. Oh, okay, so Derick Dillard is in law school now, so he can give a “voice to the voiceless”. I’m assuming he’s going to be fighting for “pro life” initiatives and taking away rights for people who aren’t like him. Again… that doesn’t jibe with the Jesus Christ I learned about when I was a churchgoer many years ago.

The older I get, the more I think people should just plain be more accepting and peace loving. It’s easy to think that, but hard to live it. I admit, I get angry about things and I want justice. When I see something that doesn’t ring true or make sense, I question it… probably much to the annoyance of other people. It used to annoy my dad when I’d argue with him about things, although I come by that tendency honestly. My family, particularly among the males within it, is chock full of opinionated people who will argue to the death. I no longer have a desire to argue to the death, but I also don’t want to waste my time on bullshit. And sorry, but I think a lot of religion is about 99% bullshit. Much of what you can find in a religion, you can find in other places. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect other people’s rights to worship, but I don’t have much respect for nonsense or simply believing in something because it’s been written in an old book somewhere… particularly when the old book is full of contradictions.

Anyway… the sun is out now, and I’m thinking I need to walk my dogs before I end up in a wheelchair. For some reason, I’ve been waking up with excruciating hip and lower back pain lately. I probably need to exercise. So I’ll end here with a song… I’ve shared it before on my old blog, but I like to recycle.

If you listen to some Christians, they’ll warn you…

I’ve shared this one, too… but it works today.

It probably is…
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#hubbyapproved

Jill Dillard has apparently teamed up with a business called citrusandlemon, a Utah based online women’s clothing retailer. She has a paid partnership with them on Instagram and recently shared a picture of herself wearing a “romper”. Her modeling efforts for citrusandlemon are a far cry from the ugly homemade jumpers she and her sisters used to wear back in the days of early Duggar fame.

Someone in the Duggar Family News: Life is not all Pickles and Hairspray group shared the photo of Jill. Many comments ensued, most of which were not very flattering. I didn’t have anything to say about Jill’s heather grey romper. The only thing I initially noticed was that Marjorie Jackson, Josiah’s former flame, had liked the photo. I also noticed that the romper made Jill’s boobs appear to be quite prominent. They looked like ripe melons. I don’t know if she was purposely thrusting them out in an attempt to look sexier or if she’s really that well-endowed. If she does have big boobs, I empathize. I used to be called “Melons” myself.

It wasn’t until I read some more of the comments that I saw that one of Jill’s hashtags was #hubbyapproved. Of course, plenty of the people commenting had a lot to say about that hashtag. I’m not sure what to make of it myself. It’s no secret that the Duggar ladies submit to their husbands. So… that hashtag could mean that Derick Dillard is allowing her to wear the romper. Or it could simply mean that he thinks it looks attractive on her.

I used to think Derick Dillard was a nice person. I even remember writing in my original blog that I thought he seemed like a good match for Jill. But then he started making a lot of transphobic and homophobic remarks online. He seemed a lot angrier and more mean spirited than he initially had. I stopped liking him.

I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the Dillards or the Duggars anymore. I’ve pretty much lost interest in the Counting On series. They’ve started it up again, but I don’t really feel arsed to watch it, mainly because I think the shows are pretty boring. It’s basically the same story over and over again with the adult couples getting married and popping out babies. I do think it’s interesting, though, that the adult Duggar daughters are now making money by aligning with companies.

I think if Jill is going to be doing this kind of work with companies, she’d do well not to add hashtags like #hubbyapproved, even if what she really means is that Derick thinks she looks like a sexpot in her romper. Most modern women are going to look at that hashtag and feel like throwing up. One woman commented that if she had written #hubbyapproved, it wouldn’t seem ominous, because she values her husband’s opinion and isn’t in a fundie religious cult. Knowing that Jill and the rest of her clan are in a religion that demands that the wives transfer their sexuality from their fathers to their husbands makes that hashtag seem creepier.

Also… I don’t like rompers, as a general rule. I mean, they can look cute if you have the right body type for them, but it sucks when you have to pee. You pretty much have to get naked. Seems like that would make rompers less likely to be #hubbyapproved, at least in Duggarland.

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