divorce, Ex, narcissists, religion

Repost: Old emails…

In today’s fresh post, I mentioned a post I wrote in 2013 that appeared on my original blog. It was called “Ripple eff-Ex”. I indicated that I might repost that entry today, but now having read it, I don’t think it would add anything new to this blog. So, instead, here’s a post from August 2013… I think it offers more information about the type of person we’re dealing with. I warn you that this is really long and kind of fucked up… I completely understand anyone who doesn’t want to wade through this shit. But I also know I have a few readers who might find this an interesting read.

I found a bunch of old emails from Bill’s ex wife today…  Since I’m in a mood, I think I’ll post them for shits and giggles…

This first one was written after the kids’ one and only visitation with us.  It was sent on August 18, 2003, almost exactly ten years ago… before the shit really hit the fan in a big way.  Notice that she insults me by implying that I’m going to manipulate my husband into not taking care of his kids.  She also demands more money in the form of life insurance.  Bill had about $750,000 in insurance for ex and the kids.  She had wanted $1 million, but USAA would not insure Bill for that much.  So she’s basically saying that she wanted him to replace the then $250,000 SGLI policy if he decided to make me the beneficiary.  And she also wanted him to give her the original $1 million in coverage she wanted…  We did the math and determined that had Bill suddenly died back in 2003, ex would have missed out on about $300,000 in child support– and that’s if he had paid until each kid was 22, which he ultimately didn’t.  If he had died young, she would have stood to get quite the windfall.  We ended up making me the beneficiary of the SGLI policy, while ex had $500,000 in coverage until each kid came of age.  Now, I am the sole beneficiary of the insurance. 

Hi Bill,

Just a quick note about a few things, it is practically impossible to talk privately on the phone and I imagine you have the same situation at your end as well.  = )

1 – I have not asked for you to help with the kids’ medical bills for some time, as I have been able to manage them.  The girls have not been ill to speak of and [ex stepson’s] prescriptions and visits to the Dr., albeit numerous, are not exorbitant, though I have spent a few hundred dollars on his medical bills just recently due to office visits more often and changing prescriptions frequently.  He is now seeing a dermatologist and I have not yet received a bill; if it is outrageous and I cannot afford to pay it all, I will let you know, but I do not anticipate it being so.  I generally pay only about $50 per visit for [ex stepson] to the Doctor plus his prescriptions that run me about $25 a month. However, the girls both need new glasses.  I picked up [older daughter’s] this week and [younger daughter’s] will be ready next week. Could you help me pay for them?  They are a couple hundred dollars each; [older daughter’s] were $211 to be exact. This was the cost after insurance coverage that I purchased because Tri-West does not cover eye exams.  [Younger daughter] will not be getting her second stage of braces quite yet, so we have a reprieve for a little while.  Please drop me a line and let me know.

2 – I know we forgot to do the bank paperwork and ID for [younger ex daughter] and [ex stepson] while we were there. I am sorry.  Please let me know what information you need in order to get the paperwork at your end so I can provide it to you.  I will then take them to the nearest military installation or (hopefully) reserve unit here to get them processed.  If you will sign your portion and send the paperwork for the bank, I will be happy to sign it for you and submit it to USAA thereby removing me from your bank accounts. (Note– this was over two years after their divorce!!!)

3 – Now that you are married, I realize you may need to adjust your life insurance policy needs to account for added responsibility.  Please keep in mind our agreements and consider having separate policies for knotty and us as it would make life a lot simpler for knotty and myself should anything happen to you.  If you wish to change the SGLI to show knotty as beneficiary, I would understand, as long as you have a separate policy, as agreed, with me as the executor on behalf of the children and for the appropriate amount, including what would have been covered by SGLI.  I recall that you originally only took out a policy for half the amount we agreed upon for the children only, as that was all that you could manage at the time.  I received information from USAA recently that their policy rates have dropped dramatically and hope that you will consider checking into it before they increase again.  Additionally, I wish you would extend the life of the policy from 15 years to 30.  It would be nice to have something for the kids …when we are gone.  I have similar arrangements myself because they deserve it and because I know how it feels to have no one at all to depend upon for help.  I’ll soon have “trust” accounts for each of them through USAA so that I will have a place to put money for them, for college, etc., both from the money you send me and from myself, until they are of an appropriate age to manage it for themselves.  I understand, from what the children and Papa and Mimi have said, that knotty is quite adamant about how things should be most of the time.  For this reason I am glad we made the provisions in our paperwork that we did; it will keep you from having to battle your wife over providing for your family.  I am truly glad for this and hope that the children are never a bone of contention in your relationship; I want you to be happy, always.  If you wish, we could set up the policy so that I could make the payments myself and you could slightly adjust the allotment I receive accordingly to cover that amount.  I am not sure how USAA would set it up logistically, but I am certain that they would allow me to be the responsible party for the policy though you were the insured party and let me do some sort of auto withdraw from my account for the premiums.  Please let me know your thoughts on how best we should proceed and how best to insure the children’s long-term future is stable.

Lastly, I am truly sorry we did not get a chance to talk while we were there but it was a wild and crazy trip, just no down time.  So much I wish I could say but…I won’t.  I do want you to know the kids are doing well.

Younger daughter told me your dog was injured; I hope she is all right (C.C., our blue eyed beagle mix got very sick with a mycobacterial infection after their visit. Sadly, he died a few months later.).  I know they have told you about the guy at my office who looks just like you.  They are driving him nuts, pointing and giggling, poor thing!!  It is highly amusing, I must admit, although it was a bit unsettling for me to be introduced to you from 15 years ago, mannerisms, looks, demeanor, he’s even a writer …although he has pursued it diligently and has been published where your path took you to the Pentagon instead …it is all a bit bizarre!!  The kids are all doing well in school so far.  The girls are in new schools this year, older ex daughter in Middle School and younger ex daughter in a school closer to home and where some of her church friends attend.  I became aware of some negative influences at her old school that I was afraid for her to have to deal with since older ex daughter was leaving for Middle School.  Ex stepson will be starting Aikido lessons in about a week and I am hoping the girls will attend as well.  They are tired of dance classes and can take gymnastics and swim through the YMCA membership I bought them; this would be a great extra curricular activity for them.   Ex stepson is buckling down and studying …at last …because he has decided he wants to try to get into BYU and is requesting transfers into several honors classes to try and improve the looks of his transcript and boost his GPA.  If he loses the $100 calculator I bought him he’s dead meat!! ::laughs:J.  He had a wonderful experience on his kayaking trip and was quite impressed by the BYU campus; he seems quite serious.

Thank you for calling them this weekend, they are always glad to get to talk to you and catch you up on what is happening in their world.  Please reply when you have a chance.  If email is the only way you and I can talk, then …email it should be.

I hope and pray that you are well …and happy,
As ever, Ex = )

Bill sent his ex an assertive response to this email, which pissed her off.  

Ex,
Good Morning.  There is a lot to cover here and I’m afraid I’m quite busy today.  I have a meeting with “now” BG Durbin, who was LTC Rossi’s XO back so many years ago in Germany.  We certainly live in a small world.  Let me know ASAP what you need for the girls glasses.  We are going to Dad’s next weekend, so I have to plan finances.  Also, I’ll send out the paperwork for USAA this week for you to sign and drop in the mail.

The kids look great!  I was very happy to see them, although our time together was limited.  They told me they liked Virginia, and would like to visit again.  Ex stepson also said he was interested in a career in acting, and was even looking at schools here in Virginia.  As it happens, the son of one of the contractors I work closely with is an actor, has done commercials and has a cable TV show in NY.  He  recommended JMU and I forwarded that information to ex stepson. 

Recently, I looked at the life insurance situation, and my responsibility to cover knotty as well as the rest of the family.  Currently, the children (with you as the executor) are covered by a combination of $750K of life insurance.  Should anything happen to me, that would cover their support payments almost three times over, maxed out till age 22.  Concurrently, I’m maxed out with USAA (500K maximum on AC soldiers), although they will review my file for a rate reduction this December.

I honestly feel since the dynamics have changed all around that we should reevaluate this situation.  I think that right now, the 500K I have with USAA will sufficiently cover the children.  You are remarried, and have a good job.  I don’t know if your husband is working now, but that is a second source of income as well.  Given this, I want to make my wife the beneficiary of my SGLI.  I have a responsibility to cover her as well. 

I know full well we have a legal agreement, and I’ve done my best to adhere to all of the tenets within that document.  You’ve always gotten support on time, without any complaint from me.  I’ve always been ready to help with medical bills whenever you should ask for that help.  Please recall that I helped with younger daughter’s braces while in Kansas, paying child support, alimony, and a mortgage.  I think we’ve seen a lot of give and take with that agreement–we’ve both done things above what was agreed, and failed to adhere to some things as well.  I’d like to think of it as a “living document” amongst the two of us.  I’d prefer to avoid having it formally reevaluated. 

Vacation is an additional matter.  I’d like to see them more often, and I’d like to bring them to Virginia, or be the one who brings them to see their grandparents.  I’m prepared to put them on a plane either up here, or with Dad’s permission, down there for the holidays.  I don’t think any threat of terrorism is a viable excuse to avoid this.  They have traveled on aircraft before.  Last year was the safest year for air travel in this country.  Let me know your thoughts.  I’m sure we can come to an agreement here.  

knotty is just clear with her thoughts and feelings.  I don’t have to play any guessing games.  We are a partnership.  She has never attempted to persuade me to neglect the children, in fact, she’s always on me to call them, Dad and my stepmom, and Mom.  I think the kids benefited from meeting her.  It helped to dispel the “evil stepmother” motif that seems to run through children’s minds.  Papa and Mimi have met her twice personally, although they have talked with her on the phone several times.  I’m hoping they will have a chance to form a deeper relationship as the years go by (sadly, that never happened). 

You should understand Ex that I know my responsibilities.  I don’t think that is in dispute here.  I understand (as do you) that I have to care for the children.  But I also have a responsibility to care for my wife, and together, we have a right to start our own family.  You have done the same with your new daughter, through your husband.  This will sound cold, but if I died tomorrow I’d have no faith that the kids would get $250K a piece.  I’d know instead that they’d be “cared” for, in the general sense of the word.  Any financial obligations benefiting you personally are ended on my part.  This may be hard to swallow, but it’s how I feel.  I perceive that you are in better financial shape with career and husband than you were four years ago. 

I think the idea of trust funds for the kids is a good one…one that I was going to recommend but you beat me to it. 

Bottom line, I want the same opportunity.  The opportunity to see the kids more, on different soil, and the opportunity to provide for a second family that I have started.

Think about it and write me again.  But let’s take care of the glasses issue right away.  I’ll also see about extending my coverage out to 30 years.  If ex stepson wants it, I’ve got a 2MB Handspring Visor PDA that I’ll send him.  It’s more than what he’ll need for school/work/personal use, and runs on Palm software.

Bill

This was her response.

I would like to take a little while to absorb all that you have said.  It would seem my email to you was set in a very different tone that what I perceive is coming from you.  After all that you have done to the children, and me I find this …quite frankly …unbelievable and would prefer not to comment without having time to carefully choose my words.  You will hear from me again.

Bill wrote this.

Certainly, 

But I recommend you take a moment and read both emails in entirety. I didn’t have a problem with what you said until I read it again more carefully. You are reminding me of my obligations to the children and to our agreement. I don’t need this reminder. I’ve been faithful as best I can be, and I’ll continue  to be faithful to them long after they leave home and are free to chose to visit me anytime and anywhere. I believe they know I love them, and wouldn’t want to hurt them in any way. They are still under the impression, by the way, that I just up and decided one day to leave them, and that I’m consequently lost to them forever. What a cruel uncertainty for them to have to face, and it places the burden all on me.  I think you know I’m not a deadbeat dad.  You get (on their behalf) 30% of my salary.  You get all of the tax breaks as well, including the big one this year!  I’ve always been there to help with unexpected bills whenever you’ve asked.  I’ve put up with your reluctance to let me visit our kids on my own terms, and to see my parents visited by my ex-wife, with our kids, while I am unable to.  Also, I’d like to heal the rift between the kids the their other grandmother.  Granted, a lot of it is self-inflicted on her part, but I think they have a right to settle any problems they have with her before it’s too late.  Recall as well that I covered your move to Arizona for almost a year.  What I paid into the house (equity that neither of us realized) could have covered braces for the entire family, or nearly all the 15K of their inheritance from your father that you intended to recoup by selling the house yourself.  

Later, in your letter, you insult my wife. You insinuate that she’s manipulating me into breaking obligations with you. You also allude to observations that my parents and my kids have made about her. Dangerous, and potentially embarrassing if I were to ask my mom and dad what if anything, they’ve said about knotty. Let’s leave her out of this. She came into the picture well after our marriage ended. In fact, our marriage was over long before I even met knotty. She never lived in our house nor came to visit while we were still married, she didn’t break the two of us up, and she certainly hasn’t influenced me to be anything but a stronger father, and a better son. If the children should think she’s a bad influence, then I’ll work through it with them personally. They have a right to meet with her and make their own assessment of her character. I expect my parents will be honest with me concerning their feelings as well.

Interestingly enough however, if she were to meet you, she’d probably thank you. 

All I want to do is work with you where our children are concerned. I don’t want to fight with you at all over any of this. It was my sincere hope that we could work together as two more stable, and stronger adults, but you reacted to my letter with a lot of scrutiny and anger. You are immediately on the defensive, when you shouldn’t be. I am asking for equity, that’s all. After all you call all of the shots here.

You leave me with the impression that I should do whatever you say out of guilt, and that if I don’t, I’m a deadbeat. That it’s all about money, and that I don’t care about my children. Sure, I plan to have something for them in the future. I’m not going to forget them. When I’m gone, there won’t be fights over inheritance, no ugly situations similar to what you had to go through with your father. I just don’t want to be ordered to be generous to my own children.  I will no longer be manipulated by you or anyone else. You act as if I have no right to life and happiness, as if that is an adequate penance for whatever sins I’ve committed in my past.  That my wife and potential family should do without, and have no say in our finances, when there is plenty to go around– especially since you’ve covered them as well against your own life. That’s good to know.

These are my feelings, and I have a right to them. I have a right to be angry, to be hurt, and to be frustrated. 

Regardless, I still want to work with you. Again, let me know what you need for glasses and I’ll have a check in the mail either next day or same day. 

Let all of me go, Ex.  Accept that things happen for a reason and move on.  Father (he’s referring to Heavenly Father– Ex claimed that when she went to the temple, HF said she wouldn’t be alone) told you you wouldn’t be left alone, didn’t He?  When our children have left, you’ll still have a husband and child unique to the both of you. 

Bill

Several years later, the shit really hit the fan when ex stepson decided he wanted to move out of his mother’s house and go to Chicago.  I think it was because he didn’t want to go on a mission.  But Ex called us all upset and tried to strong arm Bill into getting him to stay in her home.  He refused.  The first two sentences of the email are about getting ex stepson’s bank info so Bill could pay him directly.  Apparently, Ex had been on ex stepson’s bank account and was helping herself to the money Bill was paying him.  Of course, Bill shouldn’t have had to pay for ex stepson, since he has a real dad.  But real dad wasn’t making the same money as Bill, so there you go.

Ex,

Thanks.  I can make the change online and parse it from the rest.  I’ll do that either today or tomorrow.

I didn’t sleep well last night after your call.  I imagine you’ve had more sleepless nights than usual lately yourself.  I will talk with ex stepson again, and reinforce my feelings with him.  I’ve told him before, he has several options…he doesn’t have to go through with this plan to move to Chicago.  I sense there is quite a bit of tension in your household at this point, and this facilitates his want to leave. 

For what it’s worth, I asked him earlier last week if he’d spoken to you of his plans.  When he hesitated, I reminded him that he’d regret any “midnight moves”, and that regardless of any differing points of view the two of you might have, you are still his mother, always will be, and deserve respect accordingly.

Ex, you and I are not on good terms.  Our relationship is tenuous at the very best.  However, when I’ve had contact with our children, I’ve always supported you as their mother.  I don’t feel that you can say the same of me. 

I’ve gone over our conversation in my head these past few hours.  You alleged that I didn’t care, that I wasn’t interested, and that I encouraged ex stepson to blow his money.  I’ve done nothing of the sort.  I reminded him that it was his, because I wanted him to establish a separate account that wouldn’t involve yours in any way.  But I recommended he save his money and put it toward college, or a house, or a future marriage.

In five years, younger stepdaughter will be 18.  Sooner than that for older stepdaughter.  If you perceive that there will be problems similar to what ex stepson is encountering now, and you want my help, then we have to make some changes.  Ex stepson and I have remained close enough that I believe he will listen to me.  After our discussion last night, I’m not so sure about the girls.

Consider this.  Over the past six years, they’ve never called me, even though I’ve given them more than one phone number.  Since I remarried, I haven’t received a Father’s Day card/call, Birthday card/call or a call on Christmas.  I’ve never failed to send them a card or a gift or call them on special days.  That’s my job as a Father, but if I’m not to be treated as such, at least they should have the courtesy to thank me for a card or gift with another card, or even an email. 

This is partly your responsibility as a parent in direct contact with them.  If they aren’t going to treat me as their father, then they should at least learn the courtesy to say “thanks” as if I were a friend.  I’m not telling you to force their hand, but I will tell you this:  If our children have given their stepfather one Father’s Day card, or Birthday card, or Christmas gift and either of you not asked them to consider the same for me (even if they refuse…it’s all about asking), then both of you are passively alienating them from me.

The fiasco that was Christmas 2004 is a perfect example of actively alienating me.  I wanted to take the kids to the movies.  Very quickly your husband turned an opportunity for me to spend time with our children into a “supervised” event. On another occasion, younger stepdaughter called her stepfather “dad” within earshot of both him and me and he said nothing.  With exception of your summer trip to DC three years ago, the only way of spending time with them has either been in Arizona, or Tennessee.  Again, all of these amount to “supervised” visits where either you or my parents are nearby.  Your telling the girls that they should never “separate” around me only adds more relevance to the argument.  The fact that you won’t send them on a plane to see me, for danger of terrorism, but allowed ex stepson to fly to NY drives the point home quite loudly.

Please try to be objective and see things from my foxhole.  I’m not here to start a fight with you, I’m just being honest.  We don’t have to be friends, but if you consider me their father, then at least give me a little respect, and encourage them to do the same. 

Also understand my skepticism.  You say ex stepson has all but dropped out of school?  School ends for him in a month.  Why haven’t you asked for my help sooner?  If ex stepson is having trouble, what about the girls?  You never speak to me of such things.  Equally, I’m guilty of never asking you.  But I can only help when I know the whole story, and early on. 

I am not the same man you used to know.  Our children are missing out on what I can offer them, and even on what knotty and her family can offer them.  There’s 350 years of Virginia history in her family.  She’s a classically trained vocalist, writer, and former Peace Corps volunteer who served in post Cold-War Eastern Europe.  We’ve got two beagles that love kids and plenty of room in a secure location.  They really enjoyed their time here three years ago, although very brief.  They seemed to bond with both of us.  I don’t know why all of a sudden, they won’t talk with me.  Only you can tell me. 

I really didn’t want this to turn into a rant.  I have as much responsibility for the way things have turned out as you do.  I’m only advising you to consider that I’m virtually ineffective as a father/mentor to the girls.  If that’s never been your objective, then tell me now that I’m wrong, because every indication is that I’m not.  I won’t be able to help you at all with them in the future if you consider me a threat.

I have to get back to work.  Please read this carefully and thoughtfully if you intend to respond in anger.  I’ve written this as detached and objective as I can.  I just want you to understand that for all intents and purposes, I feel that over the years you haven’t thought of me as a capable parent, (in fact the word “unworthy” has been used more than once).  I wanted you to see the impact of that impression…it severely limits your freedom of maneuver.

Regardless, I’ll do what I can for ex stepson.  And I would very much like to be a better part of the girls lives.  After all, I could be gone tomorrow.  I know for a fact that you’ve been angry with your father in the past.  But I also know you love him and miss him.  I ask you to consider our children’s feelings accordingly.

Regards,

Bill 

The above email caused Ex to really go on the warpath.  She sent Bill an email that basically said the kids hated me and didn’t want to have anything to do with me.  She also asked Bill not to tell me any of this stuff, in order to “spare my feelings”.  Bill immediately shared the email with me, which got me really pissed.  So I wrote to Ex and ripped her a new asshole, then let her know that the kids could feel however they wanted to about me, but they shouldn’t throw away their father.  I also let her know that I have seen her emails, know how she feels about me, and didn’t appreciate her asking my husband to keep secrets from me.  There was no point to doing that because he doesn’t hide things from me; he has no need to, because I don’t go ballistic when he’s honest with me. 

A couple of months after that, Bill’s daughters disowned him…  So Bill wrote a letter to them.

Dear older daughter,

I’m saddened to read that you don’t want me to be your dad anymore.  I will not sign anything that would allow your stepdad to adopt either you or your sister because I don’t feel that it is the right thing to do.  I told this to your mother several weeks before you wrote to me.  It’s a shame that she would lead you on this way.  You must think that I don’t care about you or your sister.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

You write that you want an “everyday” daddy, not a “once in a while daddy”.  I agree with you, but “everyday” daddies do more than help with homework, chores, and spend time with their kids.  They also have responsibilities to others outside their homes—they work to provide and protect their families, and see to their futures.  I am still your “everyday” daddy even though you don’t see me.  When you and I were together, I spent time with you, helped you with schoolwork, dressed, cooked for, and cleaned after you.  When you went to bed at night in Arkansas, I went to work to make sure our family would have food and a place to live.  When I returned every morning, I took you to school and I was there to pick you up most days.

You and I have a connection that your stepdad will never have.  As my daughter, you are a part of me.  We share similar characteristics of both mind and body and this will never change.  I was there at the moment of your birth.  I named you and was the first of us to hold you in my arms.  For the first few months of your life I checked on you every night.  I stayed up with you when you couldn’t sleep or were sick, and took you to the hospital more than once when you needed a doctor.  This all true, and even though you were too young to remember, it did happen and I remember it.  

I’ve never stopped being your daddy, nor was it ever my intention to do so.  I returned to the Army because I knew I could provide more for all of us, not because I wanted to leave you and your mother.  I asked your mother to come with me to Kansas, and she refused, telling me that I’d make a better father to another family.  Despite this, I had to go and leave you and your siblings in Arkansas.  In the beginning, I thought you might join me, but this didn’t happen.  Since then, I’ve provided for your food and clothing, housing and healthcare every month without fail.  As I said before, this is what daddies do.  You must understand that if your stepdad adopts you he will have to do the same since it will no longer be my responsibility.  You will probably see less of him than you already do.

Over the past six years I’ve tried to have a relationship with you.  You’re smart enough to know that I can’t be there with you very often.  My duty to the Army won’t allow me to leave at a moments notice, although I would have liked to be with you on your birthday or at other special times.  Instead, I’ve called at various times to speak with you.  I’ve tried to discover your likes and dislikes so that I could give you meaningful gifts at Christmas and your birthday.  Mostly, my conversations with you have been “one-way”.  You are old enough now to write, call, or email me anytime you want.  You and I share responsibility for our relationship, despite what others may tell you.  You will be considered an adult in three short years, and this is how adults behave.

There are aspects to adoption that no one has shared with you.  Adoption is not a matter of simply changing your name.  If you think it is consider this:  when you marry you will change your last name anyway.  If your stepdad adopted you, I would no longer legally be your father.  Your birth certificate would be changed to reflect your stepdad as your natural father, and it would be as if your last name was always his.  Legally, my parents would no longer be your grandparents.  Your stepdad would have to provide for your future as you would not be my heir anymore.  Adoption is serious, but even so it wouldn’t change the fact that I’m your father and always will be.  

You write that I will feel better if I allow you to be adopted.  That’s a lie and if anyone led you to believe otherwise they are lying to you.  Your mother may have said that this was my idea and I did make a remark to that fact in an email to her, but I was angry after reading that you didn’t want to see me.  Have you ever said or written anything that you didn’t mean?  I have and I wrote your mother later to tell her that I wouldn’t consent to your adoption.  I won’t change my mind.

Older daughter, I can’t control you, nor would I ever want to.  If you still feel the same way about me in three years when you are 18, then you are free to let stepdad adopt you.  It will be your decision as an adult.  You should consider however that your sister will still legally be my daughter, since she is three years younger than you.  Regardless of your decision, I will still consider you my daughter and that will not change.

Despite what you write, your letter is filled with anger.  This is a good thing.  If you didn’t care about our relationship at all I don’t believe you would have written as much as you did.  I told you that I would always listen to you, and would never leave my door to you, even if you were angry with me.  This hasn’t changed.  I would still like to talk with you.  There is still time to work through your anger with me.  Only then will we truly feel better.  Call me and I will talk with you, write or email me and I will answer you back.  If you want to see me, then I will arrange a meeting with you.

Daughter, I am your father and your daddy.  I am not Bill to you, nor will I ever be.  I love you very much, and I will not sign you away to stepdad.  Someday you will understand.

Love,
Daddy

Of course, there was no response.  After younger daughter turned 18, they apparently changed their names and/or got adopted.  I wish to God Bill had never laid eyes on his ex wife.  This is why Bill felt compelled to trash those photos (referring to a post I wrote about how he had thrown out old photos that caused pain).  The above letter was written in 2006.

On the original post, Alexis left me a comment asking a bunch of questions. I answered them in a separate post, which I have reposted here.

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divorce, mental health, Reality TV, YouTube

Once again, a Dr. Phil episode leads me astray…

The featured photo is a screen grab from the first Dr. Phil episode Bart was featured on.

Last week, I wrote a post about an episode of Dr. Phil that I happened to catch on YouTube. I was kind of blown away by the family whose drama was presented, especially afterwards, when I went looking for more information about their story. It turned out that as crazy as that family’s story was, circa 2013, it has been even crazier since then. Probably against my better judgment, I connected the dots and wrote about them.

Well… today, I’m going to do the same thing, because I haven’t yet learned my lesson. I may regret it, but I figure if the people involved don’t want people to react to their story, they might try harder to fly under the radar. Because friends, it wasn’t hard to find more chapters to this particular hair raising Dr. Phil episode from 2014. It seems to me like this dude WANTS to be noticed. He has a very troubling pattern with the women in his life.

This guy has a talent for attracting personal drama. I wonder if some of it is deliberate.

A few days ago, I was randomly watching YouTube, and this episode of Dr. Phil came on. It was a shocking story about a man named Bart who was catfished THREE times by the same woman. The story goes that Bart had divorced his ex wife and had two small kids. He was lonely, so he tried online dating. He “met” a young woman named Megan who was a very pretty blonde and had a job as a nurse in California. Bart traded messages with the young woman for some time, and it seemed like she might be “the one” for him. But just as they were about to meet in person, the young woman suddenly got very sick with cancer and died. Supposedly, Megan’s brother knew that Bart was so in love with his sister that he sent some of her ashes to him.

Bart was “devastated”. He had a friend named Ali who helped him get over his loss. Ali told Bart that Megan would want him to find another love. Before long, he met another beautiful young woman; this time, she pursued him. The new woman was a brunette named Alison who supposedly worked undercover for the Drug Enforcement Agency. I would immediately be suspicious of Alison’s story. What kind of undercover agent tells someone online that they’re an undercover agent? That doesn’t make any sense. Did he really believe her story? I guess it could be plausible if one doesn’t know anything about cops. But then Bart says he noticed a discrepancy in the photos “Alison” had sent him after he reverse Googled them.

Sure enough, just as they were about to meet offline, Alison ended up in a very weird and improbable situation that prevented it. And sure enough, she also “died”… but then it turned out she had “faked” her death. Bart was “devastated” anew, and Ali comforted him. Then he supposedly realized that Ali’s name was actually Jeannie. And then he found out that Jeannie had ripped off Facebook photos of people she’d gone to high school with and completely fabricated stories about them. Jeannie apologized profusely when she was confronted by Dr. Phil. The women whose photos were used in her ruse were also on the show. They both said they felt violated by what happened. I could hardly blame them for that. I found out someone used one of my pictures on Facebook and turned it into a fake profile. I reported it four times, only to be told by Facebook there was nothing they could do about it. And yet, they can “punish” me for something I posted in 2017.

On the surface, Bart seems like a victim of a very cruel hoax perpetrated by a mixed up, lonely woman. I wondered what kind of person ends up in such a situation, so I went looking for more information about Bart. His story was completely outrageous to me. I wanted to see if he was doing better today. A lot of times, people who have been on Dr. Phil’s show are easy to Google.

Much to my shock, I found out more about Bart with ease. It turns out Bart is an entertainer, and his two kids are magicians who were on America’s Got Talent back in 2016. They made it to the semi-finals. They also appear in shows around the country. I found a negative review of a show the kids did in Destin, Florida, where the reviewer complained that Bart basically got up and recited his children’s show biz resumes. They are cute kids, and are no doubt talented. However, pairing this with Bart’s appearances on Dr. Phil’s talk show (he was on a second time, too– I haven’t see the later show, but I think it’s also about being catfished), I’m left with a puzzling picture.

But that’s not the craziest of it. Last year, the kids were featured in a Daily Mail article about how they sued a Missouri judge for false imprisonment. It seems that in 2019, they refused to go to their mother’s home for visitation. The kids, now teenagers, allege that they were jailed in cockroach infested jail cells and kept in solitary confinement for two days without due process. They allege the judge, Missouri Circuit Judge Eric Eighmy, was directly responsible for their confinement. According to the article:

[Eighmy] personally took them down to his courthouse cells and had a jailer lock them up with no shoes – or due process – for an hour after their first refusal to live with their mother in October 2019.

The complaint claims the judge also had no legal authority when he ordered local sheriffs to arrest the children in November 2020.

Bart and his ex wife divorced in 2009. After the split, both parents and the children moved to California, where the kids pursued showbiz/magician careers. When the ex wife began a relationship with another man, she decided to move to Arizona, but agreed that the kids should stay in California to develop their careers. But then in 2013, the mother decided that she wanted full custody. She filed in California, and then apparently filed again in Missouri in 2018.

The Missouri case was assigned to Judge Eric Eighmy, who had a previous involvement with Bart’s family. Before he was a judge, Eighmy had represented Bart’s mother in her divorce. According to the court papers, Bart was estranged from his mother, Linda Luttenbacher, and sided with his father in their divorce case. The Daily Mail reports:

Bart’s mother and Eighmy ‘had a falling out over his alleged negligence in defending her in a traffic ticket case,’ but ‘did not recuse himself [from the teens’ custody case] over the prior representation issues related to Mrs. Luttenbacher.’

Likewise, the kids apparently were, and perhaps still are, at odds with their mother for interfering in their careers “by ‘causing the cancellation of a South American tour, and refusing to let the kids leave her custody for auditions, even as the children wanted to continue their careers'”. But, the two parents supposedly reached an agreement in October 2019, which granted the mother physical and legal custody of the kids, but allowed them to go to California for the first ten days of each month during the school year, the first fifteen days of summer months, and all month for TV pilot season (January through April). As a side note, this agreement doesn’t really seem much like much of a change in custody to me. Sounds like Dad has the kids about half the time.

After the Missouri court proceeding, the kids refused to go home with their mom, so Judge Eighmy proceeded to “lecture” them about the “evils of Hollywood”. The kids then evidently argued with the judge and even told him that his actions were illegal. Maybe this happened, but it sure sounds like the kids are pretty audacious. I can’t imagine talking back to a judge and I haven’t been a kid in a long time!

So according to their federal lawsuit, filed on their behalf by their dad, Bart, they spent an hour, barefoot, in separate holding cells. Then, rightfully terrified after that experience, the kids went to a hotel room with their mother, who apparently was by then living in Utah and had come to Missouri for the court proceeding.

In August 2020, the kids had another run in with the judge. The kids were living at a family farm with their dad in Louisiana, sheltering from the COVID-19 pandemic. Apparently, the kids were mourning the death of their grandmother. According to the Daily Mail:

Judge Eighmy issued a ‘writ of bodily attachment’, allowing police to seize the children from their father after ruling that they had not been spending their court-ordered time with [their mom].

Cops showed up at the farm and the kids were arrested. A viral video of Bart’s children shows that the kids were handcuffed. Both children were taken in police SUVs to the parish sheriff’s department, where their mother awaited them. Once again, the kids refused to go with their mother, so they were taken to a juvenile detention center in Louisiana an hour from the sheriff’s office. At the juvenile detention center, they were strip searched, then awakened from sleep without being fed, and subjected to mental evaluations. They were then held in solitary confinement for two days. When they were eventually released to their father’s custody, Bart wrote on Facebook:

“My “babies” are FREE and SAFE!!!! I am not allowed to post any court details at this time because of a gag order but I can tell you they are free and safe!!! (and very very very happy and hungry right now!!!! ),” Bart said in his caption l with a photo snapped at the detention center. “Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the prayers and support!!!! We can never say thanks enough. I have tears in my eyes trying to type this. It appears this lengthy nightmare may just be over.”

Judge Eighmy was taken off the case, and all of his orders were vacated. However, the damage was done. The kids now have nightmares and don’t trust the police. Both children suffered injuries to their wrists after having been handcuffed. Bart’s comments to the Daily Mail were:

‘It’s absolutely unbelievable. As a father it’s very difficult to stand by and watch your kids that you love go through something so traumatic,’

‘As you can imagine it has greatly impacted their lives. It would impact any adult, let alone children.

I can only imagine how horrifying it is. For a minor that would have to be 10-fold. They’ve never been in trouble with the law. They’re honor students. [Son] is on track to graduate a year early. They’re hard-working.

‘It’s been my intention for it to be peaceful. That’s always been my goal. This whole thing has gotten extremely out of hand.’

Now… this story about the magician kids is shocking enough on its own. But remember, I found out about their story because I had seen Bart on Dr. Phil, on an episode about how he was catfished three times by the same woman. In that video, he was depicted as a victim. Now, in the wake of this custody drama, he and his kids are being depicted as victims of the court system and the mother of the children. I don’t know a thing about the mom, but I do know something about parental alienation. Something about this case kind of stinks of it. Consider too, that Bart was estranged from his own mom, just as his children evidently are from their mom. The kids evidently told the Louisiana cops that they are “afraid” of their mother. Sounds a lot like Bill’s kids years ago. They were “afraid” of Bill, who is one of the kindest and gentlest people I have ever met. Now, his younger daughter is talking to him again and telling him the truth about the years when they were estranged. She’s not afraid of Bill anymore, but I don’t think her relationship with her mom is so good anymore.

As I was digesting all of this stuff a couple of days ago, I wondered where the truth lies. How is it that one man can end up with so much drama in his life and so much negativity involving women who got close to him. He apparently had a nasty split with his ex wife that led to a very public custody battle. He is estranged from his mother. He got catfished three times by a lonely and sick woman who manipulated his emotions. I also saw evidence that Bart advertises his appearances on Dr. Phil, as if it’s something to be proud of. He has a very public Facebook page, and thousands of followers. If you look him up on Google, you will see public posts by him on Facebook and Twitter about how he was on Dr. Phil’s show, as if it’s something to put on a resume. I have also seen the video of his kids being arrested in Louisiana, which was no doubt taken by Bart. I can’t imagine wanting to put such a thing on the Internet, but it seems that it’s all a part of the show.

So… Bart says this whole thing has gotten “out of hand”, but I see a lot of evidence from Bart that he is the one who is publicizing it and blowing it up in the media. I had never heard of him or his kids a couple of days ago. I used to watch America’s Got Talent when I lived stateside, but I haven’t seen it since 2014, so I didn’t see his children’s performances on the show. And I don’t make a habit of reading tabloids like the Daily Mail or the NY Post, both of which have lengthy stories about Bart’s kids and their legal drama. Hell, I had quit watching Dr. Phil for years, and only recently started watching old episodes because of boredom brought on by winter in Germany and the pandemic. Now, I’ve fallen down this rabbit hole.

I truly wish the best for Bart’s children. It sounds to me like they’ve had a very dramatic and challenging upbringing. They are definitely attractive and charismatic, and I’m sure they are talented and skilled as magicians. But it also looks like their dad is a bit of an attention seeker and uses them in his pursuit of fame. And if there’s any truth to that notion, I feel sad for them. Hopefully, their mother really isn’t as bad as she’s been made out to be. That’s got to be hard on her, too.

Anyway… I probably should go back to watching dog grooming videos. Noyzi likes those better, anyway.

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book reviews, divorce, domestic violence, family, marriage, mental health, psychology

Repost: A review of Bullied to Death: Chris Mackney’s Kafkaesque Divorce…

This is an as/is repost of a book I reviewed on September 26, 2015.

In April 2014, I blogged about a man who apparently committed suicide after being “broken down” by the family court system.  Chris Mackney was married to northern Virginia jewelry designer Dina Mackney.  He had two kids with her, a boy and a girl.  They split up and Mackney was both separated from his children and obligated to pay an oppressive amount of child support.  He spent time in jail when he couldn’t come up with the money.  He was repeatedly hauled into court and harassed by child support enforcement officials trying to get “blood from a stone”.  He lost job after job and finally sank into an abyss of pennilessness and despair.

Like me, Mackney was a blogger.  On his now defunct blog, Good Men Did Nothing, he posted about his situation as it became more and more dire.  Finally, on December 29, 2013, Chris Mackney had reached the end of his proverbial rope.  He sat in his car and placed a rifle under his chin, and pulled the trigger.  In the wake of his suicide, his ex wife became executor of his estate, which basically consisted of his car and his computer.  He had lost everything in his divorce, including his grip on his sanity.  Mackney’s ex wife then sicced lawyers on everyone who posted about Mackney’s suicide and managed to get his blog taken down.  Dina Mackney’s lawyers also supposedly had every comment Chris Mackney ever posted on the Internet wiped out.  It was as if his presence on the Internet was being systematically erased.

Not long ago, Michael Volpe, author of Bullied to Death: Chris Mackney’s Kafkaesque Divorce, left me a comment on my blog post about this case.  I usually erase comments that consist of sales pitches, but I was interested in Mackney’s case.  So I went ahead and downloaded Volpe’s book and just finished it last night.  I mostly thought Volpe’s book was a very interesting read.

Volpe explains that decades ago in Texas, Dina Mackney’s father, Pete Scamardo, hired a hitman to kill a former business partner and friend named Sam Degelia, Jr.  The hitman, who was paid $2000, was none other than Charles Harrelson, actor Woody Harrelson’s father.  Once Degelia was successfully offed, Scamardo moved to Virginia where he proceeded to make a fortune in building.  Apparently, Dina Scamardo grew up privileged in northern Virginia.  She married Chris Macknij and then got him to legally change his name to Mackney, because it was a better name for her jewelry design business.

Volpe writes that Dina Mackney came from a family with ruthless and criminal tendencies, which may have made her especially likely to go after her ex husband with zeal.  According to Volpe’s book, there was little left of Chris Mackney when she and the Fairfax County family court were finished with him.  He saw no way to salvage his life or climb out of the bottomless financial hellhole he was in.  So he decided to kill himself.

Volpe’s book is perhaps misnamed.  I purchased it thinking it would be only about Chris and Dina Mackney and their relationship.  That was probably a naive assumption on my part, since Dina Mackney seems clearly against getting her late ex husband’s story out to the masses.  In fact, I think Volpe may be pretty brave to have written this book, since Dina Mackney has established herself as willing to litigate.  Bullied to Death doesn’t include a lot about Chris and Dina Mackney’s marriage; it’s more about what happened after the marriage and what led up to Chris Mackney’s decision to kill himself.  I’d say that makes up a good third of the book.

Another third of the book consists of Volpe’s thoughts on the family court system and how it’s unfair to non-custodial parents, usually fathers.  Volpe has some rather radical ideas about how post divorce parenting and child support should be handled.  At times, the writing is a bit emotional and disjointed and I spotted more than a couple of places where some editing would have been beneficial.  On the other hand, I appreciated that Volpe was gutsy enough to write Mackney’s story to the best of his ability.

While I didn’t always agree with some of Volpe’s ideas, as someone who watched her husband get screwed over by an ex wife and saw him lose contact with his kids, I had some empathy for Volpe’s viewpoint.  While Bill was not hounded by child support enforcement or lawyers, he did pay out the nose in child support for kids who eventually dumped him.  Attentive fathers should not be treated like sperm donors with open wallets.      

Something does need to be done about how divorcing couples with children are handled in the United States.  While I am not at the point at which I’d say child support needs to be abolished, I do think that the system should be more equitable and flexible.  Chris Mackney’s child support was established when he was employed in real estate and had made a lot of money.  Not long after his divorce, Mackney’s business took a downturn and he could not pay the child support ordered by the court.  He quickly went into arrears and was soon completely buried in debt he’d never be able to repay.  He had no contact with his children, whom he dearly loved.  It’s no wonder he became so desperate.

The last third of the book consists of notes, appendices, and citations.  They are useful for those who want to do some follow up research on this sad case and others involving men’s rights in divorce situations.

Volpe’s book was apparently self-published, so it lacks the polish one might expect in something published by a big name outfit.  Moreover, I think it would have been a stronger book had it included more information about Chris and Dina Mackney’s relationship and why their divorce was so acrimonious.  Volpe seems to infer that Dina Mackney came from a family accustomed to resorting to criminal behavior, but everyone knows there are always at least three sides to every breakup story: his, hers, and the truth.

I’m not sure we quite get the whole truth about the Mackneys in Bullied to Death.  However, I do think Volpe basically did a good job writing about this case as much as he was able to.  I doubt he got much cooperation from the other interested parties, so naturally that affected how much of the story he was able to share.  I also think this is a case that needs to be publicized.  While I’m not sure what happened to Chris Mackney or even my own husband is the norm, there are men going through divorce becoming so hopeless that they turn to suicide or other drastic measures.  Their lives matter, too.  

For those who are interested, here is a video of Victor Zen reading Chris Mackney’s suicide note.

This note was originally posted on Chris Mackney’s blog, but his former wife had the blog taken down.

Mike Volpe later left me this comment on my original review:

mike volpe September 27, 2015 at 2:16 PM

This is a fair review of my book. I’m glad you liked and I wish you loved it. I only have two small points to make 1) I never suggested mostly men get screwed and in fact, I was careful in the book to show stories from all angles and 2) while Chris’s ex-wife wanted to remove even all his comments from the internet that failed miserably and most of what Chris has written has remained intact. You are correct that the marriage was not described in too much detail and that’s because one person was dead and the other one didn’t share any of their details. While divorce is he said/she said by nature, I feel comfortable that I presented an accurate description of what happened and not simply choosing Chris’s side. I presented his flaws, including his adultery, but committing adultery compared to covering up a murder are not, in my opinion, in the same league.

A few other people also left useful comments.

See Lo December 10, 2016 at 1:57 AM

I will soon be reading this book. The corruption and child support extortion needs to stop. #ChrisMackney will live on and his story is only the beginning.

Walter Singleton January 3, 2017 at 8:28 PM

Chris Mackney’s story is an extreme example of what happens to fathers (and sometimes mothers) in family courts EVERY SINGLE DAY. Family Court is a place where corruption reigns supreme – malicious spouses, dirty lawyers, and apathetic judges often join forces to destroy one of the parties. Once they decide which parent is on the losing side, there is often no recovery. This is a system that NEEDS to be fixed.

Those of you who have been regular readers of my blog may know why this subject interests me, although I don’t have the same level of interest in it as I once had. I do think domestic violence against men is an often overlooked and ignored problem. I applaud any author who is brave enough to take it on, even if they self-publish their work.

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divorce, domestic violence, marriage, mental health, psychology

Repost: Man commits suicide after being broken down by family court system…

I am reposting this entry from April 24, 2014 because I am going to repost a book review I later wrote about this case.

Today, I heard the tragic story of Chris Mackney, a father of two who split from his ex wife and then got financially raped by the family court system in Fairfax, Virginia.  He posted a suicide note, which was then posted to a number of Web sites, including A Voice For Men.  After Mr. Mackney’s death, his ex wife Dina sicced lawyers on the Web sites who dared to post her ex’s suicide note and discuss his demise.  If you follow the link to A Voice For Men, you can read the note in question, since at this writing the site is refusing to take it down.  You can also listen to today’s edition of Going Mental, which is a show hosted by Paul Elam of A Voice For Men and Dr. Tara Palmatier.

A discussion about this tragic case of domestic violence allegedly perpetrated against a man.

I have to say, I’m not nearly as jaded about women or marriage as Elam and Dr. T. are.  However, I do agree with a lot of their advice and if I had a son, I would advise him in much the same way they advise men who are listening.  Unfortunately, a lot of the men who are listening are nice guys who have already been burned by extremely vindictive women who make it their mission to screw over their exes.  I think it’s a very sad state of affairs… even as I also understand that women get screwed by their ex husbands, too.  I can understand why they offer advice against marriage or even having kids.

I feel lucky that Bill trusted me after his experience with his ex wife.  If I were him, I’d have probably stayed single.

The author of the book I reviewed about left a comment on the original post, alerting me to his work. See the next post for my reposted review.

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book reviews

Repost: A review of Misty Copeland’s Life In Motion: An Unlikely Ballerina

Apologies… Misty Copeland came up in my Facebook memories today, and I remembered that I reviewed her book a few years ago. I meant to repost this earlier today, but I just thought to do it now. It appears as/is, so read this as if you’re reading it in October 2015.

I have never in my life taken a ballet class.  My oldest sister, on the other hand, was great at ballet and studied for many years.  She even got to study at London’s Royal Ballet School when she was a teenager, thanks to my dad’s Air Force assignment in England.  Though I myself have two left feet, I was often dragged to ballets when I was growing up.  Now that I’m an adult, I appreciate watching dance, though I’d hardly call myself a fanatic.

Some time ago, I read an article about Misty Copeland, a rare black ballerina in a sea of white dancers.  Misty Copeland is an extraordinary talent.  Though she didn’t start dancing seriously until she was 13, she ended up becoming a principal at New York’s American Ballet Theatre (ABT).  Copeland has written a book about her experiences growing up in California with her brothers and sisters, her mother, and several stepfathers/boyfriends.  For some time, Misty and her family lived in a motel where they ate what they could afford and what was easy to prepare.  Copeland was far from someone anyone would expect to become a professional ballet dancer.  And yet she is.

I had not heard of Misty Copeland before I read the article about her.  Her book was mentioned in the article, so I decided to read it.  I found Life In Motion a quick and easy read.  It was mostly entertaining and decently written.  Copeland’s story is really one about someone who defied the odds to become something no one ever believed she could be.  Although many people would like to believe racism is going away, Copeland writes that she faced some discrimination as she learned her craft.  At the beginning of her book, she describes her role as the Firebird as she says to herself, “This is for all the little brown girls.”  Then, she launches into how she managed to become “an unlikely ballerina”.

I found myself reacting pretty strongly as Copeland writes about her mother, a beautiful biracial woman who was once a professional cheerleader for the NFL.  Though she doesn’t come out and say it, I think Copeland’s mom probably suffers from a couple of character disorders.  Copeland writes that her father, a man she stopped living with when she was two years old, was her mother’s first husband’s best friend.  

When her parents’ marriage broke up, Misty stopped seeing her dad.  It wasn’t until she was an adult that she got to have a relationship with him.  Misty’s mother’s biological parents were young when she was born.  Her mother was Italian and her father was black.  They gave her up for adoption and Misty’s mother was raised by a black couple who died when she was young.  Consequently, Misty’s mother’s upbringing was very unstable.  Misty’s father is also biracial; he is the product of a German woman and a black man.

Once she’d left Misty’s father, Misty’s mother married Harold, the alcoholic father of Misty’s sister, Lindsey.  Though Misty loved Harold like he was her real dad, Harold turned out to be irresponsible and abusive.  So there was another divorce and the family moved on to the next “dad”, which produced a brother, abuse, and yet another divorce.  All of this family upheaval would be a lot for any kid to deal with, yet Misty was able to find a better place in dance.  Misty was discovered through a dance class at the Boys and Girls Club.  Through that class, she was referred to a local dance teacher, who helped her.  Misty lived with her first ballet teacher, Cindy, for two years; there, she was introduced to stability, better food, and the ability to sleep in a bed.

When Misty’s mother decided she didn’t like Misty’s living arrangement with the teacher, she demanded that Misty move back to the motel.  Noticing how very talented the girl was, Cindy encouraged Misty to try to get emancipated from her mother.  Mom responded by hiring Gloria Allred, who put the kibosh on that arrangement.  Fortunately, Misty had done so well in ballet that she was able to launch into her career anyway; she got scholarships to pay for her training.

In fact, she eventually did so well that she was even noticed by Prince, who used her in his “Crimson and Clover” video and in a number of his live shows. Being a Prince fan, I was very interested in reading about her experiences with him.  She also writes about living with Isabel Brown, mother of Leslie Browne, a ballerina who starred in the film The Turning Point.

Overall, I enjoyed Misty Copeland’s book, although the second half of it seemed to include a lot of name dropping.  It almost felt like the story sort of ended after she joined ABT, with the exception of her comments about working with Prince.  Also, the book ends rather abruptly.  When I finished the text, I was actually surprised, though that was temporarily stayed by the photos at the end of the book.  

Reading this on Kindle, I noticed that the text ends at about 75%; the last quarter of the book consists of notes, acknowledgements, and the index.  I also think Misty brags a lot.  Yes, she was a prodigy and is enormously talented.  She writes that over and over again.  It’s noticeable and off putting, or at least it was to me.  Also, I noticed that when she didn’t do well, she blamed either injuries or racism.  In fact, she claims that racism was a major part of her struggle to become a dancer, yet when I read her book, I read about someone who managed to work with people like Prince and Debbie Allen.  Only one ballet company rejected her, the New York City Ballet.  She claims it was due to racism; but could it have been for another reason?  I think so.  No one bats 1000 every time.

Still, I admire what Misty Copeland has accomplished, especially given her tumultuous childhood.  I think the title of her book is very appropriate.  The writing could be better and I could have done without the bragging, self promotion, and name dropping.  But I appreciated her story and would recommend her book to those who are interested.   Out of five stars, I’d probably give it three and a half.

Misty Copeland in action.

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