Since I don’t really feel like typing any significant fresh content today, I’m going to repost this blog entry from the original Blogspot OH. This post appeared April 19, 2015. It’s been retitled and edited somewhat, because there was dated and irrelevant content in the original post.
Last night, I shared this photo, which randomly popped up on my Facebook feed. A woman I knew in school had posted it with the comment “You’ve been warned. No excuses.” I knew the photo would generate discussion, and it did. Most of my friends were horrified by the photo, although “Papa Smurf” was a notable and predictable outlier. [Papa Smurf is a former friend now… he was a mansplaining pain in my ass one too many times, and I finally advised him to fuck off. I call him Papa Smurf because he was very sanctimonious and enjoyed trying to act like everybody’s daddy.]
I understand the idea behind this sign and I comprehend why a lot of people are behind its sentiment. However, while I get why people agree with it, I think it’s counterproductive to threaten patients before they’ve even been seen. All a sign like this does is tell the pregnant mom who might be using drugs that the doctor would prefer them to go somewhere else for their prenatal care. Indeed, that could be why the sign was posted. OB-GYNs typically pay a lot in malpractice insurance, and a pregnant person with drug issues could potentially have a riskier pregnancy. Of course, a drug abusing mom who is really bad off probably wouldn’t bother with prenatal care anyway.
Those who use drugs recreationally might see a doctor, but if the doctor flat out tells them they will call the law on them, they will very likely avoid medical care. That may be fine and dandy for the doctor who doesn’t have to deal with them, but what about the unborn child? The sign seems to be advocating for the welfare of the unborn baby, but if the doctor scares off the mother, what good does that do? And doesn’t that sort of conflict with what doctors are supposed to be doing, which is providing healthcare to people who need it?
I happen to be pro-choice, but I couldn’t help but notice. As long as abortion is legal in the United States [remember, this was written in 2015], it seems kind of ridiculous to take this sort of attitude, anyway. I mean, the mother to be can terminate her pregnancy if she chooses. Using illegal drugs is against the law, anyway. Why turn it into a crime against the unborn? Why does the fact that the mom to be is pregnant even come into it? She’s breaking the law, so deal with her.
At this point, we don’t force people to see their doctors. People have a hard enough time accessing appropriate medical care for reasons other than being threatened and alienated. This attitude of needing to police private citizens is creepy to me [I really had no idea what was coming, eight years ago, did I?], and in the long run, I don’t think it makes things better for anybody. Of course a pregnant woman shouldn’t be using drugs, and something should be done if she comes up positive on a drug screen. I think the attitude toward her should be more supportive and helpful, not threatening.
Besides… a woman whose newborn baby comes up positive on a drug screen at the hospital is going to be referred to CPS anyway. All that sign does is encourage the mother to avoid seeing doctors and give birth outside of a medical setting.
Here’s another thought. For most medical procedures, physicians must get informed consent before they go ahead with it. I suppose a sign like this informs patients that the doctor(s) at this practice will do random drug screens, and gives them the option of going elsewhere for their prenatal care. But what about health care professionals that do screenings without the patient’s knowledge or consent? Isn’t that a violation of their rights?
I know there have been cases in which mothers have been arrested for having positive drug screens and have gone to court. In South Carolina, there was a big case involving pregnant women, Ferguson v. City of Charleston, who were tested for drugs without their knowledge or consent. It went all the way to the Supreme Court, which ruled that the search in question was unreasonable, especially since the searches had the potential to land someone in jail.
In any case, while I certainly wouldn’t condone a pregnant woman using drugs, and I agree something should be done to help or dissuade drug abuse in pregnant women, I don’t think taking an adversarial, threatening attitude is in the best interest of patients. The goal shouldn’t be to sell mom down the river; it should be to get her appropriate help so she can successfully raise her child. I think it would be hard to do that by threatening patients with getting the police and child protective services involved before they’ve even been seen.
Edited to add in 2023: I don’t know if the photo is real or fake. I just thought the discussion it generated was interesting. You can see the original post here.
I don’t remember why I decided to download Jamie Lynn Spears’ book, Things I Should Have Said. I am a little too old to appreciate music by Jamie Lynn’s famous older sister, Britney Spears, whose pop music career was flourishing during Jamie Lynn’s childhood. I am definitely too old to appreciate Jamie Lynn’s turn as an actress on the Nickelodeon shows, All That and Zoey 101. Amazon.com tells me that Jamie Lynn’s book was published January 18, 2022, and I bought it two days later. It was probably because a year ago, the Internet was all abuzz about Britney Spears, as she was engaged in a legal battle to end a conservatorship that their father, Jamie Spears, had arranged after Britney had some very public mental health meltdowns in 2008. The conservatorship lasted thirteen years, during which many of Britney’s basic freedoms were severely curtailed, even as she was forced to work, and even had to pay the people who were oppressing her. I likely got caught up in the drama of all of that, even though I had long since moved on from it by the time I finally picked up and started reading Things I Should Have Said a few days ago.
Jamie Lynn Spears is the youngest child of Jamie and Lynne Spears. She writes that she was an “oops” baby. Her father had supposedly had a vasectomy, but never went for a follow up check. Obviously, the procedure didn’t take, and he got Lynne pregnant in 1990. Jamie Lynn was born in McComb, Mississippi on April 4, 1991. She claims that even though she was an “oops” baby, she was cherished by her older brother, Bryan, and big sister, Britney. But then she made statements that seemed to refute the idea that she was cherished. Father James was a notorious alcoholic, and he would “take off” when things at home got too rough. Mother Lynne was very focused on Britney’s budding career as a pop music phenomenon. Jamie Lynn’s parents divorced in 2002, but both remained involved in her life.
As Jamie Lynn grew up, she bore a striking resemblance to her older sister and demonstrated acting talent. At the age of 13, she started going to California to work for Nickelodeon, first on All That, and then on her own series, Zoey 101. When she was at home in Kentwood, Louisiana, Jamie Lynn hung out with her friends and dated Casey Aldridge (called Casper in the book). The two had a sexual relationship, and at age sixteen, Jamie Lynn was pregnant, like a lot of teenagers in Deep South states. The difference between Jamie Lynn and the other teens was, Jamie Lynn was famous and had money. Her pregnancy was all over the news, with many people speculating that it was the reason her show on Nickelodeon ended. Jamie Lynn writes that, actually, the show had already ended by the time she got pregnant with her older daughter, Maddie Briann, who was born on June 19, 2008.
Jamie Lynn tried to make a relationship with “Casper” work, but it was impossible, as according to her, he was always running around, using drugs, and having sex with other people. Jamie Lynn threw herself into being a mother, buying her first home in Liberty, Mississippi when she was still a teenager. She felt she had to threaten her parents with filing for legal emancipation, as she wanted to make decisions for herself and her daughter. As she was trying to make things work with her “baby daddy”, she met her husband, Jamie Watson, who is ten years her senior. They dated on and off, until it became apparent that they would be a couple. Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn decided to take a stab at making music. She moved to Nashville and tried to learn the ropes of songwriting, playing guitar, and singing.
Jamie Lynn Spears sings. She’s not bad, although I think her music sounds very familiar…
She released an EP, but then moved back to Louisiana, where she eventually married Jamie Watson in 2014. In 2017, Maddie was in a terrible ATV accident that almost killed her. After Maddie recovered, she asked Jamie Lynn to have another baby, a request that she and Jamie obliged. Jamie Lynn and Jamie now have a daughter named Ivey Joan, who was born in 2018. According to Jamie Lynn’s book, Jamie Watson plans to legally adopt Maddie, as they have a “special” relationship. When Jamie proposed to Jamie Lynn, he also proposed to Maddie, complete with a ring (BARF).
My thoughts
I’m not super impressed by Things I Should Have Said. I don’t think it’s particularly well written. Jamie Lynn has a habit of using big words that aren’t quite appropriate for what she’s trying to convey. The end result is a bit contrived and stilted, rather than engaging. I found myself rushing to get through the book, as I didn’t find her story that interesting. It probably could have been interesting, had she hired a ghost writer. Jamie Lynn Spears frequently reminds her readers that she’s very talented, as in she repeatedly states this in her manuscript. But I’m afraid writing with flair isn’t really one of Jamie Lynn’s gifts. The book isn’t terrible, but it’s not definitely not among the best memoirs I’ve ever read. She’s no Paulina Porizkova. 😉
Anyone looking for dishing about Britney Spears would probably do well to skip this book, as Jamie Lynn doesn’t reveal that much about her sister. She keeps her comments about Britney mostly respectful and loving, and offers a few even-keeled insights about Britney’s controversy, reminding readers that she’s in a position to see what’s going on for herself, rather than speculating about it due to media reports. One of the issues that came up regarding Jamie Lynn and Britney was about Britney’s allegedly erratic behavior that involved Britney threatening her sister with a knife. Jamie Lynn also mentions that she had to enforce boundaries with Britney during the height of the COVID pandemic. But she doesn’t offer a lot of commentary about Britney’s situation; the book really is mostly about Jamie Lynn and her career.
A rather strange interview about the book and the knife incident. She cries, but there aren’t any tears.
In some ways, I felt some compassion for Jamie Lynn. I’m the youngest in my family, and I was also an “oops” baby, with sisters who are 8, 11, and 13 years older than I am. I know how it feels to be in that position. I also had an alcoholic father, although my dad wasn’t one to “take off” at random intervals. I do feel like her stabs at entering what she calls the “family business” were kind of half-hearted, as most of the energy her parents expended toward developing their daughters’ show biz careers went to Britney.
I picture a cartoon of Jamie Lynn dropping the note like dynamite.Yes… she’s special.Hire a dog sitter?Yes… please hire a dog sitter!
Jamie Lynn spent three years acting on Nickelodeon, then got pregnant… then she made a stab at music, which netted an EP. It pales compared to what Britney has done, and I would imagine that causes Jamie Lynn some angst. She also writes that her parents were pretty strict and religious, yet Jamie Lynn still managed to get “knocked up” as a teenager. She writes that having Maddie at age seventeen “saved” her from becoming a dysfunctional actress, succumbing to the issues that performers deal with, like drug abuse, eating disorders, and other mental health problems. It seems to me that there are other ways to avoid such a fate, rather than becoming a teen mom. I don’t think that’s a route I would recommend, even though Jamie Lynn at least had the financial ability to take care of her daughter, even if she really wasn’t mature enough.
I’m not sure what Jamie Lynn plans for her future, but for now, she is Mrs. Jamie Watson, mother of two. I’m hoping that she keeps an eye on Maddie, because Maddie has some pretty strong genetic ties to dysfunction. Her grandfather, Jamie, and her biological father, Casey, both have drug and alcohol issues. Her Aunt Britney also has well-publicized mental health issues. Maddie will be fifteen on her next birthday, which is prime time for her to act like a teenager. I just hope she doesn’t end up in the same situation Jamie Lynn was in when she was sixteen.
I also didn’t get the best impressions of Jamie Watson… sorry to say. Obviously, I don’t know the man personally, and it doesn’t matter what my opinions of him are. I’m not the one who is his wife or the mother of his child. But I did feel moved enough to save a couple of quotes from Jamie Lynn’s book that I shared with friends…
I would have shitcanned him for calling me “trash”.I don’t think presenting rings to stepchildren is a good idea.
Those who have been following my blog for awhile might remember a few years ago, when I wrote about how I don’t approve of the trend of potential stepfathers “proposing” to their stepdaughters. At the time I wrote that post, NASCAR driver Brian Scott was in the news for “marrying” his now wife, Whitney’s three year old daughter, Brielle, biological daughter of fellow NASCAR driver, Sean Caisse. I wrote about why I really don’t think those kinds of proposals are a good idea. My reason is mainly because those kinds of displays are usually more for the adults than the children, especially the ones who are very young and don’t know what’s going on, as Brielle was at the time. I also know that, unfortunately, divorce is pretty common in remarriages, particularly when stepchildren are involved. Presenting a little girl with a ring and offering to “marry” her too, seems like a sweet gesture, but it can end up being very hurtful if there is a divorce. Moreover, I just don’t think it’s appropriate, as marriage is a very different relationship than a parental relationship is. I’m much more impressed with stepfathers who simply love and care for their stepchildren, rather than trying to replace their biological parents, even if that is what later happens in the relationship.
I got a couple of nasty comments on that piece, as Sean Caisse had some trouble with the law and wound up incarcerated. One reader who cowardly called herself “BlogWastedMyTime” declared my article “crap”, and very rudely pointed out that Caisse had been arrested, accusing me of not “doing my research”. Below was the exchange, which I remember posting as I waited for a flight from Vienna to Stuttgart.
As far as I can tell, Brian and Whitney are still married. Good for them. My opinion about this hasn’t changed, though.
Another, less contentious comment from someone, who later came back and wrote “well put.”
There was another comment from a guy who had two ex wives, and felt I was being too “negative” about people who “marry” their stepchildren. I told him that I was only sharing my opinion on my blog, and I was sorry he didn’t like my opinions, as I matter of factly explained that he joins a long list of people who don’t like my opinions. Deal with it. Anyway, my thoughts on this didn’t evolve in a vacuum. I have what I think are good reasons for feeling the way I do.
As regular readers might know, my husband was married to a woman who asked him to be the “daddy” to her son from her first marriage, which he was happy to do for as long as he was still in Ex’s favor. Bill went as far as giving the boy his last name– or really, Ex claimed it and Bill didn’t argue with her about it– and paying $850 a month in child support for him until he was 21 fucking years old. For that effort, the young man tried to change his name in secret as he still took Bill’s financial support– he didn’t even tell Bill about changing his name, as he continued to call him “Dad”. And when Bill confronted his former stepson about this, he was chastised… as if a “dad” shouldn’t know what his “son’s” legal last name was, even as said “son” was claiming to be Bill’s next of kin. Now, he doesn’t speak to Bill at all, although he might be talking to his bio dad, who didn’t pay any child support after Bill came into the picture. Ex got them back together as a means of being spiteful to Bill. Bill didn’t mind, by the way, as the boy never should have lost access to his real dad, or his dad’s financial support. And now he knows that Ex lied about #1, anyway.
When Bill and Ex divorced, Ex did the same thing to Bill that she did to #1, and tried to erase his presence in his daughters’ lives. She made them call #3 “Dad”, and forced them to write letters disowning Bill. Then, when younger daughter turned 18, she pressured them into getting their names legally changed to #3’s last name. Younger daughter has since told us how distressing it was for her growing up, not to be able to have a relationship with her real father, especially since it’s very clear that #3 doesn’t care about her the way Bill does, and always has. To this day, even though she and Bill are now in touch and talk regularly, Ex still tries to influence younger daughter away from having a relationship with Bill, who is younger daughter’s real dad in all senses of the word. We are grateful that she has good sense, and can think for herself about these things.
I do understand that not all situations are as extreme as Bill’s has been. From what Jamie Lynn writes, Casey Aldridge has not been a very involved father, although he did see Maddie occasionally and, when she had her near fatal ATV accident, he did visit her and pray for her. Jamie Lynn claims that Maddie wanted Jamie to adopt her, and she has tried to explain to her what that would mean. But I have my doubts that the idea was entirely Maddie’s, and given the dysfunction in the Spears family, I would be concerned about the permanence of Jamie Lynn’s marriage. That’s just my opinion, of course, and it’s based on what I’ve seen in my 50 years of life. I know every situation is different, and it’s not my business, anyway. But yeah, I’m not a fan of the whole “marrying your stepchildren” trend. I think marriage proposals are for adults, and should be left to future love interests of the children, not to their stepfathers. Besides, there’s quite a double standard at play. Imagine if stepmothers started trying to “marry” their stepsons. Yikes! Or if stepfathers started giving their stepsons “engagement rings”.
Below are a few quotes from Jamie Lynn’s book about Jamie Watson’s adoption of Maddie…
Maddie started to talk about changing her last name to Watson. Her determination bordered on demand. We explained she didn’t understand the lengthy process of adoption and that changing her name meant that she would give up the name Aldridge for the rest of her life. She insisted she did in fact understand, and it was important to her that she share our name.
Spears, Jamie Lynn. Things I Should Have Said (p. 165). Worthy. Kindle Edition.
And…
We spoke several times with Casper, who at first felt like we were pushing him out of her life. Eventually I was able to convince him I was speaking for Maddie. She wanted to share our family name and feel connected to us. It took a few weeks for Casper to relent. After Maddie’s initial interviews with mediators, Casper felt, if not good, at least satisfied Maddie would be happier this way. The process took months and coincided with the arrival of Ivey Joan. We encouraged Casper to remain in all our lives. Sadly, as months passed, he found himself in legal trouble again and again, and he disappeared once more.
Spears, Jamie Lynn. Things I Should Have Said (pp. 166-167). Worthy. Kindle Edition.
I do think that sometimes, having a stepparent adopt a child really is the right thing to do, particularly if the other bio parent really is “gone” from the child’s life. If anything, being the legal parent makes it easier to make legal and medical decisions for the child in one’s care. I just don’t think the public declarations, especially at weddings, are necessarily a good idea. It does sound like Jamie Watson has been a good father figure to Maddie, and that’s commendable. I hope it stays that way, although even with a name change, Maddie is still going to be another man’s bio daughter. There is no changing that fact.
I’ve also seen people like Ex use the “sperm donor bio dad” stereotype in their parental alienation campaigns. I know for a fact that a lot of fathers are pushed out for convenience sake, or because their exes don’t want them in their lives anymore. It has little to do with the actual welfare of the children, and is really more about being vengeful and hateful to the other parent and trying to deny past mistakes. I can’t help it… dealing with Ex has given me very strong opinions on this issue. But, no matter what, I would totally cringe if I’d had children when Bill proposed to me, and Bill had presented them with rings, too. I don’t like that practice at all. What if the girl says “no” to the proposal? Will her wishes really matter? And what little girl doesn’t get excited when someone gives them a gift? So, that whole “stepdaughter wedding ring” gesture, to me, is just kind of hokey and inappropriate, especially when it’s done very publicly. Again– just my opinion.
Anyway… I don’t think reading Things I Should Have Said has made me more of a Jamie Lynn Spears fan. I’ve certainly read worse books, but this one could have been much better than it is. I see that it gets 3.5 stars on Amazon. I think I’d give it three stars, and recommend it to Jamie Lynn’s fans, who will likely enjoy it more than I did. Now, I’m happy to have moved on to my next book, by Andre Leon Talley… It’s definitely more my speed. 😉
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A parody about Jamie Lynn’s teen pregnancy. This came out in 2008 or so.
I originally posted this article on the first OH blog on October 21, 2016. I’m reposting it as/is today, because I have a case of writer’s block and can’t think of anything to post right now. This post actually got some interesting engagement from new commenters when it was fresh content, six years ago. So, for that reason, I’m making it available again for the intrigued. I might be back later with something new, or I might not. This has been a stressful week, and to be honest, I’m kind of tired.
I probably ought to write this post on my music blog, but I figure what I’m about to write has enough in it that isn’t about music that it belongs here on my big blog. Besides, the only reason anyone reads my music blog is to find out about Richard Carpenter’s daughter, Mindi, who probably gets unfavorably compared to her famous dead aunt Karen more times than she can count.
Yesterday, I took my dog to the vet. Zane (who passed in 2019) has had an ear infection and the vet had given us some meds. I’ve been using the meds, but his ear is still full of gunk. The vet wants to sedate him and flush it out. I’m going to try to have a sebaceous cyst removed from him on the same day. ETA: The “cyst” turned out to be a mast cell tumor, which is linked to canine lymphoma. Both Zane and Arran had mast cell tumors, and both went on to get lymphoma. On the way to the vet’s office, I was listening to music. The old Carpenters’ song “Druscilla Penny” came up on the iPod.
Richard plays a song about a groupie who wears too much makeup.
“Druscilla Penny”
Druscilla Penny, what a name!
Are you sure you didn’t make it up yourself?
You’re very pretty, yes you are
But with all the junk you wear, it’s hard to tell
Man, you must work hard to get your hair to look like that
I don’t need a horoscope to tell me where you’re at
Your family’s probably given up on you
Since you began to follow groups of long-haired rock ‘n rollers
I can hear your mother crying for her daughter
Ah, ah, ah ….
Ah, ah, ah ….
Druscilla Penny, what a girl!
Where’s the purpose to the crazy life you lead?
It doesn’t matter after all
You’re so sure instant love is all you need
I’ve seen your face at least a thousand times
You’re always standing there behind the stages at the concerts
Waiting for an offer to be with someone after
Druscilla Penny, how’s your head?
Do you ever wake up lonely in the night?
It isn’t easy for a girl when she can’t decide
If love is wrong or right
I hope I live to see a change
Could you ever really love?
Ever really care?
Ever really get it together? no no
This is one of a couple of songs on the Carpenters’ 1971 self-titled album that features the metallic voiced Richard Carpenter singing lead. I read on a message board that this song was kind of a comedy skit, with Richard singing to one of the countless groupies who were waiting around to get with a musician. I’m sure Richard fielded his share of horny women back in the 70s, though he sounds so uptight and straight on this song that it comes across as funnier than it probably should.
He sings about her crazy life, her love of substances, makeup, and weird hair, and the fact that her family is sick over her departure from respectability. I’ve heard this song many times, but yesterday was the first time Richard sounded downright disdainful to me. Like, I could picture him backstage telling off some poor kid, standing over her like an overbearing father. It just doesn’t seem to mesh with the concept of a famous pop musician. On the other hand, it does seem to suit Richard’s personality. Case in point…
“Piano Picker”… another song that highlights Richard’s attitude…
“Piano Picker”
Everybody always asks me
How I got to play so fine
And friends, I’m gonna tell ya
It really did take some time
Yes, after years and years of practice
And a case of real bad knees
Whil the other guys were out playin’ with the football
I was home bangin’ on the keys
And it got me
Right were I am, this is me
Playing the piano
I hope ya like what I do
It’s for you, and I’ll try and sing right too
I guess I’m really very lucky
That I’ve got this thing to play
‘Cause it can really make me feel good
Even when it’s cloudy and grey
Yes, after years and years of practice
And awful allergies that made me sneeze
And now the other guys are out playin’ with their girlfriends
And I was still bangin’ on the keys
And it got me
Right where I am, this is me
Playing the piano
I hope ya like what I do
It’s for you
And I’ll try and sing right too
Someone get this guy a glass of chocolate milk and some Claritin. And maybe something to kill the bug up his ass.
Actually, the whole “Druscilla Penny” story seems kind of funny to me because everyone and their brother seemed to be taking drugs back in the 70s. I mean, Richard himself spent some time in rehab for being hooked on prescription meds. As far as I’ve read, he was not a drinker even in those days, but he did take Quaaludes or something like them. And while Karen was getting some help for her anorexia nervosa, Richard was seeking treatment for his addiction to pills. So why should he be looking down on a groupie whose head is in the clouds?
I know… it’s just a song and a rather silly one at that. It might be funny to hear someone do a cover of it. I bet Pat Boone could turn it into a big band standard, much like he did with Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train”. On the other hand, maybe it’s time I got a life and started listening to music from the 20s.
I remember both of those songs. “Druscilla Penny” always seemed really condescending to me, as in the one girl who was so low that even Richard wouldn’t take her up on her post-concert offers.
Love this song. I’ve always thought of it as “Penny Lane Lite,” though I have to say, I’ve never considered it to be condescending in any way. More of a cautionary tale. Considering the mindset regarding the pills he was taking at the time (they were given to him by his mom, who had a prescription), I can see how he wouldn’t have associated the fact that he was taking pills to help him sleep with the rampant recreational drug use he probably witnessed in the late ’60s/early ’70s. Also, I don’t think he had quite developed an addiction yet when this song was written.
knottyFebruary 27, 2017 at 6:40 PM Well, you’re right that this was one of their early songs and Richard didn’t get help for his addiction until the late 70s. Which, if you think about it, makes it even funnier. He was what, 24 or 25 years old at the time? I’m not sure exactly when the addiction started, but I did read that it went on for years until he entered the Menninger Clinic in Kansas.
Anyway… I love listening to the Carpenters. I enjoy a lot of what Richard and Karen did, especially in the early years. This song is a guilty pleasure for me, but I was inspired to write this post because I happened to hear it a different way on that day. And I’ve been listening to it since the late 80s (and probably before then, too).
Hi, I actually know Dru. I met her in the early 90s and we became very good friends. She went to school with Richard told me that she was very hurt by this song. He was judgmental and nasty toward her. Basically, he was clean cut and she was a hippy and he bullied her both at school and by writing and then publishing this mean inaccurate song.
knottyJanuary 4, 2019 at 8:56 PM I’m sure knowing the woman behind it makes it seem all the more mean spirited… it doesn’t seem very becoming to the Carpenters. And I am sure Dru was mortified.
I am reposting this old Epinions review, written June 26, 2012, because I mentioned Diana Scarwid today and she was in this movie about drugs in the 80s. I did recently write about Desperate Lives, but that post didn’t include my review… and I worked so hard on that review! So here it is– as/is– for the interested. I had some fun with this writeup, didn’t I?
I grew up in the 1970s and 80s, which means that my childhood was inundated with anti-drug propaganda. One of the most memorable made for television films from my youth is 1982’s Desperate Lives, starring Doug McKeon, Diana Scarwid, Diane Ladd, and a very young Helen Hunt. This film has some unintentionally hilarious moments in it, which is why I would ever think of it 30 years later. Though it has been available on VHS in the past, it eventually went out of print. I see it’s now being offered for $9.99 on Amazon.com, or you might be able to see it for free on YouTube, which is what I opted to do. Or, you can just read this review, which will be very snarky and includes all of the major details of the plot.
The plot
Guidance counselor Eileen Phillips (Diana Scarwid) is new blood at a high school where the kids are all stoned. She wants to do something about all the blatant drug abuse, but the teachers and administrators don’t care. Can a couple of special students help Eileen convince the kids to stop doing drugs?
A blow by blow… (cuz are you really going to watch this?)
*Spoilers– skip this section if you don’t want them.* Diana Scarwid, who famously played the adult version of Christina Crawford in Mommie Dearest, plays Eileen Phillips, a young guidance counselor. Just eight years out of high school herself, Eileen Phillips has an annoying, odd, southern accent that sounds like it inspired Eric Cartman fifteen years later. On her first day on the job, Eileen runs into Scott Cameron (Doug McKeon) in the parking lot. Scott appears disoriented because he and his sister, Sandy (Helen Hunt), have just taken a ride in a van where other young folks are doing drugs. Scott apparently has a bit of a contact high.
Eileen immediately takes a shine to 15 year old Scott and asks another guidance counselor if she can trade one of her students for Scott. Later, we see Scott in Eileen’s office and she tries to talk to him about his future. But he’s coming down from his high and is angry and irritable. They have a bonding moment when Eileen implores her new young charge to trust her.
At a pep rally, Eileen is enjoying the band and the cheerleaders until she looks around and spots some unruly boys up in the bleachers shoving stuff up their noses and smoking pot. The football coach stirs up cheer by telling students they “have to get high”. As everyone roars approval, he quips “That’s not what I mean…”
Eileen corners the principal, Dr. Jarvis (William Windom), and immediately takes him to task for all the druggies in his school. Having only been on the job two weeks, Eileen sure doesn’t mind upsetting the apple cart. Dr. Jarvis doesn’t seem to care. He continues greeting students as Eileen tries to talk to him about trying to stop all the drug use. The good principal just can’t be bothered. Later, we discover that Dr. Jarvis will soon be retiring, which explains his apathy. He warns Eileen not to rock the boat too much.
Eileen is in the pool with the students when she spots one of them floating. She shouts for someone to call the paramedics because the young lass isn’t breathing. Miraculously, after a few seconds of CPR, the young girl starts breathing again. When Eileen asks what happened, the only response she gets from the other kids is that the girl is just a “dumb doper”.
The music turns sad and ominous as we end up at Scott and Sandy’s house, where their mom, Carol (Diane Ladd), is setting up for dinner. Scott starts complaining to his mother, who tells him he hangs out with “a bad class of people”. Scott gets p!ssed and storms out of the house as Carol calls to him to come back. But Sandy tells her to let Scott go out and blow off some steam… or maybe just to score some blow. Later, when Sandy tries to talk to Scott, he calls her a b!tch and accuses her of being a doper, too. But Sandy says she only “experiments”; she’s not a drug fiend.
The familiar strains of an 80s era arcade play and I hear the sounds of Donkey Kong. Scott’s there to pick up a stash from his dealer, Ken (Sam Bottoms). Ken apparently sees himself in Scott and recruits him to help him sell drugs. He shows Scott his car and apartment, offers Scott a beer, and tells him to open a briefcase he got handmade in Italy, which Scott pronounces as “gnarly”. The dealer doesn’t drink or drug, but he likes his money. He sees the same qualities in Scott as he introduces him to a lucrative life in designer Jordache jeans!
There’s more ominous music as the scene shifts. Poor Carol is in bed with her husband, John (Tom Atkins), lamenting about how crappy Scott is. The parents are losing control of their kids and hating it. Dad can’t reach Scott, but he can keep a 16 hour a day job at the post office so he can pay the bills.
Scott is soon approached by a pretty 15 year old girl named Susan (Tricia Cast) who’s heard he sells drugs. He doesn’t want to sell her any drugs, but she tells him “everybody else is doing it”. Ahh… famous last words.
Eileen busts a group of b!tchy teen girls in the girl’s bathroom, who are sitting in there getting high. They tell her the same thing… that everybody does it. But Eileen isn’t having it. Her voice is low with disapproval as she reminds the teens that she’s been around and knows what’s going on.
Next, we see Sandy in the chemistry lab with her boyfriend, Steve (Grant Cramer) a cutie pie football player. He’s got some PCP and wants to celebrate their six week anniversary. Sandy tries to resist, but Steve lays on the peer pressure. She snorts; he kisses her. Then we flip back to Scott as he asks out Susan, the cute girl who wanted to buy drugs from him.
Suddenly, we hear ungodly screams and shattering glass as we see Sandy jump out a second story window! Under the influence of that PCP, Sandy has landed on the ground, screaming and writhing, miraculously with no apparent broken bones, cuts, or even bruises. Scott wrestles Sandy to the ground and she goes limp as she passes out. When a student says that only the crazies act like this, Eileen screams that she’s glad everyone’s so sane. Yes, this is one of the unintentionally hilarious parts of this film.
Eileen Phillips is now lamenting that the problem is overwhelming. Her boyfriend, Stan (Art Hindle), is annoyed because Eileen is too much into her job. He’s especially irritated when Eileen asks Stan if he minds if Scott joins them on their bike date that weekend. Eileen wants to show Scott a “new way to get high”. And Stan reluctantly agrees to being cock-blocked by a drug addicted adolescent.
Eileen takes Scott fishing and finds out that Scott has a sense of humor. Then they’re with Stan as appropriately cheesy 80s music plays while they ride their bikes without helmets and take crazy risks doing stunts. They have a good day, but Scott still has a dark side.
In the very next scene, he’s snorting a couple of lines of cocaine just as he’s about to practice swimming. He does a lap, then his cute little girlfriend, Susan shows up. They talk about drugs and Scott is annoyed that she’s on something. It seems the young lady has a complex about being like “Little Bo Peep” and thinks drugs will help her grow up.
Next Ken, the nasty drug dealer, is shown roughing up Julie (Michele Greene) one of his female teenaged clients, who begs him to supply her with something. But he heartlessly shoves her aside, refusing to hook her up. Then, just as Ken is about to leave, Scott shows up and confronts the drug dealer, telling him to stay away from his girlfriend. I’m wondering if Scott is just hoping there will be more for him.
Eileen Phillips, still taking her job very seriously, tracks down the drug dealer and confronts him. I can’t help but think Eileen is a dummy, messing with a drug dealer without any backup. These were the days before cell phones after all. But the dealer is surprisingly mellow… until the two of them find Julie, the shrieking young girl the dealer had kicked out, dead on the floor of his apartment. She has committed suicide.
At swim practice, Eileen pulls Scott aside and reads him the riot act. They have an argument as Eileen tells Scott that he’s a doper. Scott finally breaks down and tells her he has to do something to get away from “all the crap”. And Eileen, in all her wisdom, tells Scott to try a movie or a book. Somehow, I can’t imagine that advice is going to go very far with the average drug addict.
Then at a faculty meeting, Eileen delivers a sermon about all the druggie kids at the school, and poor dead Julie is a good way to raise the issue with the kids. Here, we see Dr. Joyce Brothers in a cameo, playing Mrs. Watson, a woman who couldn’t care less about the drug problems and wants to discuss band uniforms.
Over Thanksgiving dinner, Scott’s family is trying to engage him. But he passes out, his face landing in his plate full of turkey and mashed potatoes. Then as Eileen and Stan have a picnic, they argue because Eileen is too hung up on the druggie teens and doesn’t care enough about their relationship.
Sandy, now sporting black eyes and casts on her arm and leg, takes Scott out for a walk. He tells her he’s taken Quaaludes and that’s why he passed out over dinner. Sandy tries to talk Scott out of using drugs, but Scott takes off on his skateboard, leaving poor gimpy Sandy standing there.
As Scott is angrily skateboarding down the street, the music turns hopeful. Susan pulls up in her car. She’s fifteen, so she’s clearly driving illegally. The window rolls down and Scott calls her “Sandy” instead of Susan. Oops! She invites him to get in the car with her. They decide to go up to the mountains. While they drive, Susan tells Scott to open the glove compartment, where she’s stashed some primo angel dust. Susan reassures Scott that this angel dust is “clean” and they can enjoy it without worrying about freaking out like Sandy did. The two have an annoying conversation, peppered with some very contrived sounding teen lingo. They light up while Susan is driving and the two of them are completely out of it as the road grows curvier. Finally, Susan is stoned out of her mind and still driving… neither is wearing a seatbelt, mind you, as Susan’s car goes through the guard rail and down an embankment. Another unintentionally hilarious moment happens as we see a very cheesy special effect. The windshield cracks, but it looks like it was done in cartoon rather than for real!
Eileen comes to the hospital. Thunder rolls and it’s pouring outside. Eileen introduces herself to Scott’s parents, who have gathered around their son’s hospital bed. We see Scott looking out of it, his hands restrained in leather straps. Scott has a nasty concussion and doesn’t even ask about Susan, his darling girlfriend who has perished in the crash.
It’s Christmas time, two weeks after his Thanksgiving accident. Scott still doesn’t know what’s happened. Eileen visits him at his home. Scott asks what happened. Eileen tries to change the subject, but he presses her for details. Eileen tells Scott that “God has a way of blocking painful memories from our minds so that we don’t replay them over and over again…” Not sure God has a lot to do with it, but it sounds good. Eileen talks to Scott’s mom and I have to say, Diane Ladd does a good job playing the anguished mom, wondering how she ended up with two druggie kids. Later that night, Scott wakes up screaming like a banshee as he realizes his cute girlfriend, Susan, is dead. He’s hysterical as he throws a chair through the window. Is it the drugs or grief? The paramedics come to take Scott away, presumably for a shot of Thorazine.
Eileen reflects on what’s happened to her favorite student. She has finally had enough. During a Christmas assembly, Eileen goes through a bunch of lockers and collects a bunch of drug stashes. She puts it all on a cart and pushes the cart into the gynmasium, where she proceeds to burn the drugs in front of everyone. I can’t help but wonder how the burning drugs don’t make everyone high, but I guess the writers were going for a dramatic effect. On another note, the fact that there’s a Christmas assembly and the choir is singing a religious song really shows how dated this film is. In any case, after Eileen collects all the drugs, I’m left thinking this was one stoned school!
Eileen delivers another unintentially hilarious speech in front of the student body as she lists all of the students who have been maimed or killed thanks to drugs. She’s presumably sober when she does this. Just say no, kids! And shockingly, Eileen’s speech seems to get through to everybody! One by one, the students come up to the burning cart with drugs on it and drops more into the flames, apparently just because of Eileen Phillips’ speech. A round of applause erupts as the kids decide to go straight. I wonder if they’ll still be straight tomorrow or the next day, but the ending does at least allow this film to end on a triumphant note.
My thoughts
Desperate Lives was obviously meant to be a very serious film. I know it was shown at schools in the 1980s as a way to dissuade students from taking illegal drugs. But I have to say, Diana Scarwid’s performance is pretty trippy. I was impressed by some of the other actors, namely Doug McKeon and Helen Hunt, who are clearly much too talented for this tripe.
I don’t think this film is particularly effective, despite its strong anti-drug propaganda bent. The dramatic moments go way too far, which makes this movie too over the top to be taken seriously. Yes, it’s true that some people ruin their lives over drugs. But Desperate Lives only shows the most drastic and dramatic pitfalls to drug abuse peppered with the Valley Girl speak that was so popular in the early 1980s. From the moment we see Helen Hunt jumping out of a window, screaming her head off, it’s very clear some of these scenes are intended to shock and scare straight. And what they ultimately end up doing is making viewers laugh. Or at least they make ME laugh. At least we’re spared seeing these kids in rehab.
Overall
This is your typical 80s era movie of the week. I watch this and wonder if people were really that simple in the 80s. I can’t imagine today’s teens taking this movie seriously at all. If you watch it, you will probably laugh. I certainly wouldn’t spend money on this film, but it’s fun for a laugh on YouTube.
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Happy Saturday to everyone. It’s cold and grey here near Wiesbaden, Germany. Good news, though. My new Thunderbolt cable just arrived, so now I don’t have to hang around the house waiting for the delivery guy. Or maybe I do. There is one more package I’m waiting for before I declare my Christmas shopping done for 2021. It could show up today. It probably won’t, though.
It’s been quite a dramatic month so far, and it’s really flying by. Pretty soon, it’ll be 2022, and people are already noticing…
Yikes!
Actually, I’m not that afraid of 2022. Being fearful of the future isn’t productive. It will happen no matter what. Besides, we’ve already survived 2020 and 2021. How much worse could it be? Don’t answer that!
I’ve decided that today, I’m going to write one of my “fun” (for me, anyway) TV nostalgia pieces. I don’t feel like ranting about irksome behavior from strangers, opining about people who are in court, or writing very personal stuff about my life. Nope, today I’m going to write about some stuff that was on TV when I was a child. I love to watch old crap from the past on YouTube, and I’m grateful to content creators who are there for me with an impressive collection of that stuff. It’s always a bit unsettling to realize how long ago the early 80s were. It seems like yesterday.
Over the past 48 hours or so, I’ve watched some 80s era TV that was universally entertaining, but for different reasons. It’s easy to forget that the 80s were very different for a lot of reasons. For one thing, for a good portion of the decade, there were only three major networks, plus public television. If you had access to cable, you might have had 20 or 30 channels. I think when my parents got basic cable in 1980, we had about 12 or 14 channels, which seemed like a lot at the time. Consequently, there were a lot of movies of the week and TV shows that everyone watched. Some of the TV fare available in those days is truly laughable today.
In 1981, I was 8 or 9 years old. I was 8 until June of that year, anyway. And one movie that aired and I missed was called Angel Dusted, which premiered on NBC in February of that year. In fact, I had never heard of that movie until I stumbled across it, totally by chance, yesterday morning. It starred the late Jean Stapleton (aka Edith Bunker) and her son, John Putch, as well as the late Arthur Hill. Helen Hunt also has a role. Gosh, she was so pretty when she was a teenager!
There are a couple of videos with this movie on YouTube, but I’m uploading this one, because it also includes ads from 1981. They are a hoot to watch, especially since I remember them well and realize how strange they are 40 years later!
Back in the 80s, there was a lot of press about drug abuse. That was the “Just say no!” era, championed by Nancy Reagan. Drug abuse is a serious problem, but some of the films put out about them in the early 80s were truly ridiculous. I’m happy to report that Angel Dusted is actually a very well done film, save for the hokey title. I never saw Jean Stapleton in much besides All in the Family, so it was a pleasant shock to see her in this film with her talented son, John Putch.
Putch plays Owen Eaton, a high achieving college student who attends an excellent university and is under pressure to make top grades in a demanding major. One night, Owen smokes a marijuana joint laced with PCP– angel dust– and it makes him have a psychotic breakdown. The doctor at the infirmary where he attends school calls Owen’s parents, Betty and Michael Eaton (Stapleton and Hill), and they rush to the other side of the state to pick up their boy. They arrive at the infirmary to find him strapped to the bed, screaming and wrestling. The doctor at the infirmary, played by familiar and prolific character actor, Jerry Hardin, tells them that Owen needs to be hospitalized.
Betty and Michael soon find themselves plunged into a crisis, as their son is put in a psychiatric hospital for several weeks, completely unable to function and surrounded by people who have organic mental illnesses. Betty is the dutiful doting mother. Michael is ashamed and withdraws. Their other three children, Mark (Ken Michelman), Lizzie (Helen Hunt), and Andrew (Brian Andrews) are forced to deal with the shifting focus in their family as Owen recovers from the psychotic reaction.
Parts of this film are very 80s and make me feel older than dirt. It was weird to see nurses in white dresses and caps, remembering that in those days, that’s how they looked. I also noticed things like the house, with all its wallpaper and big boxy televisions. This was all normal when I was a child, but now it’s different. We have flat screens, textured walls, and people don’t necessarily have dinner in the dining room. A lot of newer houses don’t have dining rooms! Some of the dialogue is also pretty dated, too.
But– I really thought this film was well acted and had a compelling story. I also liked that touch of early 80s cheese and over the top drama that made it interesting and entertaining in 2021. There’s a lot more to Jean Stapleton than Edith Bunker, that’s for damned sure! I don’t know how common it is for people to smoke PCP laced marijuana joints these days, and we certainly have a very different attitude about marijuana nowadays. But I do think Angel Dusted is well done and worth watching if you have a couple of spare hours and enjoy movies of the week circa 1981. The cast is excellent, too.
MOVING ON…
The next film I would like to mention is another one from the same time period. It also featured Helen Hunt. This time, she wasn’t playing a put upon sister who was inconvenienced by her brother’s ingestion of PCP. This time, Hunt is the one who goes a little crazy!
The film is called Desperate Lives. In the past, the whole thing was posted on YouTube. Nowadays, it looks like only a few of the funnier clips are available there, although I did find the whole film here. I’ve seen that movie enough times to comment on it, though. It aired in March 1982, and it was very entertaining, but for very different reasons than Angel Dusted was. Desperate Lives was also about the evils of drugs and the terrible things they do to young people. But instead of realistically focusing on what can happen when someone gets on a bad trip, this film employs really stupid special effects and bad acting to get the point across. Below are a few clips I’ve found on YouTube.
A song by Rick Springfield, who was big at the time.
Diana Scarwid, who played the adult version of Christina Crawford in Mommie Dearest, is a high school guidance counselor who tries to shave everyone’s buzz.
It’s the beginning of a new school year in California. Young guidance counselor, Eileen Phillips, has arrived all bright eyed and bushy tailed for her new job. She is newly graduated and enthusiastic for what she expects will be a rewarding career, shaping young people’s lives as they embark on adulthood. But the school where Eileen works has a terrible drug problem and all of the adults who run the school are turning a blind eye. Eileen is determined to straighten everybody out and, in the meantime, entertains viewers with some truly ridiculous scenarios.
Oh lord… this scene is particularly infamous. Helen Hunt jumps out a window, lands on her back, and gets up physically fine as she screams.
“I’m glad we’re all SANE!”
An ad for Desperate Lives. Actually, you could watch this ad and get most of the funniest scenes in the movie.
Doug McKeon, who was in On Golden Pond, tries to add some credibility to this film. He’s a special student and a swimmer on the swim team, which puts him closer to Eileen, as she’s also the swimming coach. Helen Hunt, God bless her and her prodigious talent, really gave it her all playing a “crazed” girl on PCP. But this movie, compared to Angel Dusted, just sucks. However, it IS entertaining, just because it’s unintentionally hilarious. I definitely got the point that drugs are bad, mmm’kay? This might have been a better movie with a different leading lady. Diana Scarwid was very attractive in the early 80s, but she’s not a very good actress, in my opinion. Diane Ladd and Dr. Joyce Brothers also make appearances!
Wow! Special effects!
This was pretty cheesy!
Helen Hunt goes out the window.
And finally, I would like to comment on a 1985 episode of the New Alfred Hitchcock Presents. I remember when this episode, titled “Final Escape” originally aired. I was really affected by it at the time. At 13, I was the kind of viewer television executives loved. I could easily suspend disbelief for the sake of enjoying a TV show.
Season Hubley plays a nasty bitch in prison who has a scary end…
Season Hubley plays Lena Trent, a woman who has been in and out of prison, and has a history of escaping. She’s shown having been convicted of murder, and sent off to a life sentence in the big house, Mojave Prison, where just four hours after her arrival, she gets into it with the prison queen bee. But Lena is very manipulative, particularly toward men. She charms the warden, again played by Jerry Hardin, who was also in Angel Dusted (and also had a couple of memorable turns on The Golden Girls). The warden yells at Lena for getting in a fight, but then inexplicably gives her a job that gets her away from the other inmates and puts her at a level of lower security.
Lena then works in the prison infirmary, where she meets a kindly Black man named Doc (Davis Roberts) who has super thick cataracts and can barely see. Doc helps out on the ward and buries the prisoners who die. The dead prisoners are buried outside of the prison walls. Lena is nice to Doc at first, listening to him moan about how the state doesn’t want to give him the money to get cataract surgery so he can see better. She soon realizes that he has free access to the outside of the prison, when it’s time to bury the dead; this causes her to hatch a new escape plan.
One day, a letter from the state arrives for Doc. In it, Doc is notified that he has been granted the money for the surgery. But Lena has another plan. She breaks Doc’s glasses on purpose, effectively making it impossible for him to see. Then she reads the letter, telling him that his request has been denied. Naturally, Doc is disappointed and pissed! Lena tells him she has a lot of money and will give him the money to get his surgery if he’ll help her escape.
Doc agrees… with tragic and scary results.
If you haven’t yet watched the episode and don’t want spoilers, stop reading here. I do recommend watching the video if this description has piqued your interest.
Lena asks Doc to bury her with the corpse, and then dig her up a few hours later, when the coast is clear. Doc initially refuses, telling Lena that she’ll suffocate. But Lena assures Doc that she can hang for a few hours, and once he’s done her this favor, Lena will pay for his eye surgery (which of course, she wouldn’t, because she’s a nasty bitch). Doc tells her to come to the infirmary and climb into the coffin with the corpse, which Lena does.
Sure enough, she gets buried. It’s never explained how two bodies managed to fit in one coffin. It’s also never explained why no one noticed how much heavier the coffin was, with two bodies in it, one of which wasn’t embalmed.
We see Lena in the coffin, somehow with enough air to talk to herself. She’s sweating and seems uncomfortable, but she has her eyes on the prize– a final escape from Mojave Prison, with Doc’s help. Finally, after a few hours, Lena starts to worry. She somehow lights a match, which would have used up some of that precious oxygen. That’s when she realizes that the corpse she’s sharing the coffin with is Doc! And no one else knows she’s been buried!
Of course, this could never happen. Even in the 1980s, there’s no way someone with Lena’s history would score a job with lower security standards. And there’s no way she would fit in a coffin with another corpse. And there’s no way she would light a match in a coffin like that… But it did make for compelling and scary television, back in the days when people didn’t mind suspending belief.
Well… it’s been fun writing about these old gems from the 80s today, instead of kvetching about people who piss me off, exploring psychology and narcissism, and dishing about the Duggar family. I suspect this post won’t get a lot of hits… or maybe it will. Sometimes, people surprise me. I know that Desperate Lives is a guilty pleasure film for a lot of people. And I can see on YouTube, that I wasn’t the only one who was permanently traumatized by that episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Angel Dusted is less notoriously cheesy, but is probably the highest quality production of the lot, at least in this post. Perhaps if this post is well-received, I’ll write another. I love watching this stuff.
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