Tag Archives: drunken uncles

family, healthcare, memories, obits

I’ve finally joined the COVID Club… and saying goodbye to my Uncle Ed…

I swear, on Friday, I thought I was feeling better. I was feeling well enough that I thought maybe we could go to a wine fest this weekend. But yesterday, I realized that I felt tired, and didn’t really want to walk around in the hot sun. We stayed home and hung out. This morning, I woke up early, then fell asleep until 9:00 am, which is unusual for me these days. Remembering that COVID tests can end up being positive a couple of days after a negative test, I took a test this morning. Sure enough, it came up positive. See the featured photo for proof.

Bill has no symptoms of COVID. He has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, so he’s going to test. I’ll be surprised if he’s negative, but he hasn’t been sick. I can think of a few places where I might have picked up this germ, even though we haven’t done much in the past couple of weeks. I probably got it at the wine stand, since we ran into a fellow American who said that COVID had visited their house and her partner was still sick with it.

I’m not very sick. I’m just kind of tired and a little crankier than usual. I have a productive cough, some nasal congestion, and a low grade fever. It honestly feels like the back end of a cold. I think last month’s sickness was a cold, because I had a really runny nose that was so bad that my skin got raw. This time, I didn’t get a runny nose, but I do have a slight fever, which I didn’t get last month. Anyway, I am no longer a “COVID virgin”. I figured this was bound to happen sooner or later, though. I’m glad I got vaccinated, because this isn’t much fun, but it’s nothing deadly. At least not at this point.

Speaking of deadly… I got confirmation this morning that my Uncle Ed, has, in fact, crossed over to the other side. I don’t know the details, other than it happened in the morning. I chatted with my sister yesterday, and she said that Ed had a mass on his lung that he decided not to treat. She said he also had a skin condition, along with pneumonia. The man was 85 years old, so it was probably time for him to go. I don’t feel sad that he died, but I do wish our last conversation hadn’t been the way it was.

I have a lot of good memories of my uncle. When I was about ten years old, he took a bunch of us cousins to the James River and we went fishing with homemade fishing poles and worms. Another time, he took us to Tank Hollow, a swimming hole near my Granny’s house. We all rode in the back of my uncle’s pickup truck… ahh, the things we could get away with in the late 70s and early 80s! I remember jumping off the waterfall into the frigid mountain water, having the time of my life.

In later years, Ed was a lot of fun at our family reunions every Thanksgiving. I remember dancing with him once and cutting a really nasty fart. He laughed at me and said, “YOU FARTED!” And I remember sharing moonshine with him, as he told funny stories about my dad, his older brother. As they got older, my dad and Ed looked like twins. Dad was four years older, though, and died four years younger than Ed has. Both of them died in July… Dad on the 9th, and Ed on the 23rd. Two weeks apart, and Ed’s death is a day after the fifteenth anniversary of Granny’s death.

Unfortunately, Dad and Ed also had alcoholism in common, and they were both abusive when they drank too much. Actually, my dad was usually kind of melancholy when he drank, but sometimes he’d go into violent rages. I don’t know how Ed was on a normal “bender”, but I was once on the receiving end of one of his tirades… in fact, that was the last time we communicated. I can’t abide verbal abuse anymore. I’ve been too saturated with it, and now when someone goes “off” on me, that’s pretty much the death knell for the relationship. I make exceptions for a few people, but I’ve found that people who feel emboldened enough to be verbally abusive don’t tend to learn from their mistakes.

Ed was mostly a lot of fun, though. He was, overall, a great uncle to me. I like to think of him going to his late wife, Nance, who died in 2010 after having had Alzheimer’s Disease and a heart attack. Together, they were boisterous and opinionated, and they had a lot of spirited debates fueled by Wild Turkey and Busch beer. They were both very politically conservative, but I think Nance was more liberal about some things than Ed was.

I remember Nance having a very spirited debate with my late cousin, Karen. Karen was a devout Christian and very pro life. She was wearing a pro-life t-shirt. Nance took her to task over it, because she had been a nurse for Planned Parenthood, and she had seen scared girls who sought abortions. It changed her opinion about abortion. And Nance was the kind of “in your face” person who would get into arguments at the drop of a hat. She confronted Karen about her shirt, and the two of them had a discussion about abortion in my grandmother’s kitchen. Karen was going on about how abortion was an affront to God, and it was wrong to destroy God’s creations. And Nance was all about the practical, having been a nurse, and knowing that sometimes having an abortion is the most responsible and compassionate action a person can take. It was an interesting conversation. I didn’t enjoy getting into arguments with either of them myself, but it was kind of fun being a spectator when they debated.

It’s strange to think that Nance, Karen, and Ed are all gone now, but if there is a Heaven, they’re probably all rejoicing at the reunion. I like to think of them as all healthy, vital, and having spirited debates with all the Wild Turkey they want… although I don’t think Karen was a fan of boozing.

Anyway… I hope Ed is at peace and has reunited with the ones who went before him. And I hope I get over this sickness soon. It’s been cramping my style for six days now. I’m so glad I didn’t go anywhere this week, except for a walk. I guess I’ll keep taking it easy, and hopefully will be on the mend very soon. I’m tired of my style being cramped. I want to make some music again. Guess I’ll have to stick to guitar until all this snot goes away.

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condescending twatbags, family

When pictures of deer need a trigger warning…

This isn’t a sunshine-y post, so if you don’t want to read something angry and depressing, please move on to your next Internet station.

This morning, I was looking at Facebook and noticed that one of my relatives posted. There was obviously supposed to be a photo attached to the post, but there wasn’t. My aunt pointed out that my cousin had forgotten part of his post. So he shared the photo in the comments.

There was a photo of several deer that had gathered in the snow under the window at my cousin’s father’s house. My cousin’s father is a RABID Trump supporter, and unfortunately, it showed in the photo, which included part of a baseball cap that appeared to read “Trump Won.”

In spite of the pretty scene my cousin obviously meant for us to comment on, I couldn’t help but notice the cap. So I asked if it was a “Trump Won” cap I could see in the corner. Someone else also asked. My cousin came back and basically chastised us both for not focusing on the deer.

I wish I hadn’t seen this post.

Some people may be surprised that I’m legitimately really upset on many levels right now. I know that some people will find my being upset “silly”. If you are among those people, I will advise you to keep that thought to yourself. You may think my being upset is “silly”, but that’s only because you either don’t understand my perspective, or you haven’t taken a moment to consider why my cousin’s response to my question is upsetting.

I’ll put it in context, for those who are interested. My cousin’s dad and I used to have a loving relationship. He was an excellent uncle, most of the time, when I was growing up. I remember him taking me and many of my cousins fishing on the James River in Rockbridge County, Virginia. He was an uncle I could trade jokes with, and he was always friendly and fun. However, like my dad, he had a strong affinity for corporal punishment, and he is also one to get drunk and abusive. He’s now in his mid 80s. I don’t know what his mental or medical status is right now. For all I know, my uncle has dementia or something akin to that. Or maybe he’s finally pickled his brain. But he is really deep in the Trump insanity, and I don’t think he’s ever going to come out of it in his lifetime. So that makes me sad.

As he’s become elderly, my uncle developed a habit of sending political and religious emails to the whole family. A lot of his emails were offensive, but I mostly ignored them. One time, back in 2017, he sent me a pro-Trump/Pence email. I responded by writing back that I wasn’t impressed with either of them and looked forward to seeing them leave office. That’s pretty much literally what I wrote; I didn’t use profanity or hurl insults. I just wrote that I don’t support Trump or Pence. He responded with a lengthy diatribe that was extremely abusive and insulting, and he referred to me as a “liberal nut case”.

I can’t tell you how sad and upsetting it was for me to get that vitriolic response from a family member for whom I used to hold high regard. Moreover, his words brought on a “PTSD-like” response that made me see red. It reminded me of the many horrifying fights I had with my late father, who died in 2014. A lot of those fights led to violence and/or me hyperventilating as the abuse continued.

Anyway, after my uncle sent that email, I ended up responding in kind, used a lot of profanity, and warned my uncle to leave me alone. To his credit, my uncle eventually did leave me alone after showing me what a colossal asshole he really is. I know I’m not the only one who has been on the receiving end of one of his drunken screeds; however, I am no longer capable of tolerating that kind of abuse from anyone anymore. I try not to be verbally abusive when I speak to people, but sometimes old habits die hard when someone is unapologetically horrible.

So… seeing that “Trump Won” cap in the photo, even though it wasn’t the focus of the photo, was a reminder of what I feel like I’ve lost. I found it very triggering, as was my cousin’s castigating response, which he obviously felt wholly entitled to deliver to me. I don’t think I can go home again, and that makes me feel sad and angry. And then, my cousin basically chastised me for being triggered, and pretty much told me to shut up. He obviously also didn’t pick up on my sarcasm. Maybe that’s a good thing. I am actually really pissed off at him, and hurt, even though there’s a little voice in my head telling me I shouldn’t be. I want to tell that little voice, along with any other “toxic positivity” types, to go take a flying fuck.

I have spent my whole life having controlling men telling me what I can and can’t say, how I’m supposed to feel, and chastising me for not delivering the expected or approved response. It seems to me that he could have simply responded with a “yes” or “no”. Or, barring that, he could have cropped out the hat in the picture. He shouldn’t blame me for politely commenting on something that he put on social media, especially when it involves politics, and especially since I wasn’t aware of any rules about how I’m supposed to or allowed to comment. It would have been one thing if I had been salty or rude. All I did was ask a simple question.

I know that many people will think my feelings are invalid. I would say that those who don’t think my feelings are valid just don’t understand. I know my uncle isn’t the only Trump zealot in my family, so now I don’t feel like I can connect with a large number of family members or even some of my friends anymore. It’s like experiencing a bunch of deaths at once.

Add in the fact that Bill is leaving for a business trip tomorrow and he’ll be gone all week. I hate it when he travels. It’s part of his job, and I know it’s part of his job. I still hate it. I’m sick of this lifestyle, yet I know that I don’t have it as bad as a lot of people do. I’m tired of waiting for Bill to come home, and I’m tired of the pandemic and its ever changing restrictions and rules. And I’m wondering what the point of any of this is, to include writing posts like this one.

Even though I feel like I need to write out my feelings, I also know that just as I reacted to the “Trump Won” ball cap, some people will react to this and take things away from it that I wish they wouldn’t. On the other hand, as I’ve already pointed out, we can’t control what other people see in a posting, right? So in the interest of not being a hypocrite, I’ll try not to be upset if people think I’m being a whiny bitch. I can own that. But I am legitimately angry and hurt, and those feelings aren’t invalid, either.

I doubt anyone cares, anyway. And you know what? The critics are right that I’m whiny. But this is my place for a pity party, so I’m going to have one, and those who don’t like it can just leave. My cousin is lucky that I responded rather politely. My first instinct was to post something inappropriate and profane. Instead, I think I’ll just withdraw, and let him enjoy responses from people who post the predictable comments he obviously appreciates more.

It depresses me that so many people are wedded to a fucking criminal like Donald Trump to run the country. I worry that he, or someone worse, will get in power again and we’ll be doomed to more of Trump’s dumbfuckery. It makes me wish I were among the unvaccinated so I could get COVID and depart this miserable place. I’m tired of trying to engage with people, because I never seem to get it right, and I keep ending up feeling like shit for just being myself. And I am fed up with the pandemic.

There’s a lot more I could write about this… but I already feel like this post is going to be misunderstood, and I just don’t have it in me to try to explain it more today. So I’m going to end now, and go do something somewhat constructive.

On another note… a friend shared a post about gender fluidity yesterday. I was confused when she was praised for that by someone who referred to being insensitive to gender fluid people as “douchey”. I wonder if my friend’s friend has ever thought about how sexist and offensive the term “douche” is. 😉 But because I really don’t try to get into conflicts with people, even when I’m “triggered”, I decided to keep scrolling. I probably should keep my own wise counsel and just keep scrolling… right off the Internet. Most people simply aren’t worth the effort.

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