Tag Archives: education

Duggars, Reality TV, religion

Former fundie Christian women coming out of the “dark ages”…

Today’s post is inspired by the most recent episode of Welcome to Plathville, which I watched yesterday afternoon. If you read yesterday’s post, you might know that I’ve been getting over a nasty cold. I got a late start yesterday because I had a touch of “medicine head” and was feeling kind of exhausted. Consequently, I did less writing yesterday than I might have ordinarily done. I only wrote one travel post, which is just as well, since not that many people read the travel blog anymore.

In the episode of Welcome to Plathville that inspired this post, the camera focused on Olivia Plath, wife to eldest Plath son, Ethan. I’ve found Olivia intriguing since I first started watching the show. Like Ethan, she was homeschooled as a child and raised in a very Christian household. Interestingly enough, many members of the Plath family seem to have evolved out of fundamentalist Christianity. They’re all kind of busting loose, drinking alcohol, getting tattoos, dressing more provocatively, and moving to new cities.

From the beginning of the show, Olivia has been influencing Ethan to try more worldly things, like drinking alcohol. When the show started, Olivia ran her own photography business. She’s obviously a very bright, intelligent, and attractive young woman. So I was very surprised yesterday when she was talking about how she’d like to go to college, but hesitates because she wonders if she’d be successful. She explains that she’s never learned in a group setting before. At one point, I even heard her say she thought maybe she was too “dumb” for college.

It’s clear to me that Olivia is certainly smart enough to succeed in college, if that’s what she’d like to do. I do understand that if a person has never been in a classroom setting, he or she might wonder how the experience will go. But I can speak from personal experience that plenty of people who probably don’t belong in college manage to go… and some of the manage to graduate. I have no doubt in my mind that Olivia could flourish in college. She probably has the money to go, too, since she’s been on Welcome to Plathville. I would hope she’s getting paid for what she does on the show. She doesn’t seem like the type of person that would blindly follow whatever the Plaths tell her to do. It’s not like being in the Duggar family.

When I listen to Olivia speak, I hear someone who is plainly bright and articulate. She might need to learn study skills and how to write papers. But I have no doubt that she could easily learn those skills and get through college. I think the experience would open up a whole new world for her on many levels… Of course, it might also doom her marriage, because I suspect that if she is exposed to other people and new ideas, she may decide that she doesn’t want to be married… or maybe she’d rather be with someone else. College might change her in profound ways. I still hope she’ll consider going, though.

Yeah… Jill has discovered that it’s good to be educated.

Which brings me to the Duggars… I recently heard from Katie Joy that Derick and Jill Dillard were considering setting up college funds for their sons. Derick Dillard has a college degree and a law degree, and thanks to Derick’s job and Jill’s best selling book about the reality of being a Duggar on reality TV, they’ve been able to declare independence from Jim Bob Duggar. I hope Jill’s youngest siblings are paying attention.

Derick is a living example of why it’s a good thing to have the freedom to go to college, not just because of the actual courses, but because of connections to the real world. Jill and Derick clearly seem to value education beyond the dining room table, as they send their older children to public school. Likewise, Jeremy Vuolo, who married Jill’s younger sister, Jinger, also has a college degree and is working for an advanced degree. I won’t be surprised if Jinger and Jeremy send their daughters to an actual school, rather than trying to homeschool them. And I won’t be surprised if their daughters eventually go to college.

I hope that Jill and Jinger will consider going to college, too, if they’d like to do that. Jill has always struck me as someone who would be a really good midwife. I know she was getting some training in midwifery, but I think it would be great if she got trained as an actual midwife, as in attending a university and getting the appropriate training and licensure for that field. I don’t know what Jinger’s passions are, but she’s always shown herself to be more of a free spirit. She’s certainly bright enough to go to college. And, as smarmy as Jeremy seems to be, I also think he’d support her in that effort, if they had the financial resources for it.

College is oversold to a lot of people, and it can be an expensive “trap” for some. However, I think people who have been raised in oppressive environments can really benefit from the college experience. I hope they’ll at least consider taking a course or two, just to see if they like it and can succeed. My guess is that once they get a taste of learning in a freer environment, they won’t want to stop. It will change their lives, perhaps in a very profound way that may even make it more difficult for them in the beginning.

I’m all for women stepping into the light and taking control of their own destinies. Accessing a college education is a great way to do that. Olivia Plath quite clearly can flourish in college. Jill and Jinger probably could, too, if they set their minds to it. If they actually cared about my opinion, I would encourage each of them to consider stepping into higher education, as they step out of the “dark ages” of the fundie Christianity mindset chosen for them by their parents. It’s time more fundie Christian women became liberated from the life roles someone else has trained them since birth to accept.

I will also admit that as well as I think Olivia Plath could do in college, I would especially love to see some Duggar women go to an accredited university and kick some ass. I’d love it for them, and I’d also love to see Jim Bob Duggar’s reaction… which I’m pretty certain would be very bitter. I can’t lie. The idea of that is hilarious to me… this obviously narcissistic man already has a son in prison, but his daughters could end up taking the world by storm. Now that’s a reality show I’d love to tune into regularly!

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elections, healthcare, politicians, politics, religion, YouTube

“In God We Trust”; but, in politicians we don’t trust…

The featured photo is of a quarter we used to decide where our next vacation will be. I think “In God We Trust”should come off of our currency, too… But that’s just me.

It’s been an interesting news week. A few days ago, I read about a new law passed in Louisiana requiring every classroom in every public or charter school to hang a sign that reads “In God We Trust”. This new law, which went into effect on August 1 of this year, replaces an old one from 2018 that simply required an “In God We Trust” sign to be hung somewhere in every school. The law, known as HB8, was authored by Rep. Dodie Horton. Ms. Horton, a Republican from Haughton, Louisiana, explained her reasoning behind writing the law, thusly:

“It doesn’t preach any particular religion at all, but it certainly does recognize a higher power.”

Naturally, this policy is controversial. Not everyone is Christian. Not everyone is religious. Not everyone believes in a “higher power” of any kind, nor do they necessarily want public schools to be pushing religious beliefs on their children. Moreover, it seems to me that given the sorry state of education in the United States today, legislators have much bigger fish to fry than ordering every school to hang a paper sign in every classroom reminding everyone that “In God We Trust.” Quite frankly, not everyone DOES trust in God, and it’s wrong to make that assumption. I would much rather Ms. Horton and her ilk do something about crazed lunatics killing kids in public schools with their high powered rifles, than hanging a stupid paper sign about God.

I am, myself, a Christian. I don’t go to church anymore, but I was raised Christian, and I do have a basic belief in God. I think this policy sucks, though. Louisiana residents may be mostly Christian and Republican, but not everyone there is. And taxpayer funded public schools should not be places where there’s any hint of religious indoctrination. These signs– make no mistake about it– refer to the Christian God. That’s not right. If you want your kids indoctrinated, send them to a private, religious based school.

I’ve got no problem whatsoever if religion is taught about in school, as long as the instruction isn’t just about Christianity, and it doesn’t push kids to choose one belief system over another. I actually wish I had known more about different religions than Protestantism when I was a young person. It would have spared me significant embarrassment when I ran into more worldly people in my early 20s.

Frankly, I hope the ACLU sues the hell out of Louisiana for this, although given our current Supreme Court makeup, with an actual “handmaiden” serving as a justice, I doubt it will do much good. Dodie Horton obviously “pooh poohs” the concerns of the ACLU. She said:

“It’s a positive message in this world that throws so many negative things at our children,”

Yeah… tell that to many struggling adults who suffered from religious trauma and abuse when they were kids, Dodie. It is a thing. Check this blog for the many book reviews I’ve written by people who have turned those nightmare church experiences into published memoirs in an attempt to process what happened to them when they had no choices or control over their own lives. Many kids get enough religious bullshit at home and in the churches their parents force them to attend. This should have no place at a public school. At best, it accomplishes nothing, as a lot of kids don’t care about religion. At worst, it might lead to indoctrination or trauma.

I see that charming Dodie Horton has also supported a “Don’t Say Gay” bill, too. She’s not a mental giant, is she? Sigh…

Moving on…

I was relieved to see that voters in Ohio showed good sense in rejecting Issue 1, a Republican backed ballot measure that would have made it significantly more difficult to enshrine abortion rights in the state constitution. The measure would have raised the threshold of support required for future amendments to Ohio’s constitution. Currently a simple majority is necessary; if Issue 1 had been approved, 60 percent support would have been required. It also would have required that any groups proposing amendments get signatures from voters in every one of Ohio’s 88 counties. Currently, only 44 counties must be represented on petitions. Issue 1 also would have eliminated the ten day “curing” period, which allows groups ten more days to gather more signatures in the event that any collected are deemed invalid.

“Beau” really does a good job of explaining why Issue 1 should have been rejected. Thank God it was.

Since Issue 1 was rejected, that means that a proposed amendment that would protect abortion rights by enshrining them in Ohio’s constitution has a higher chance of successfully passing in November. All that will be needed is a simple majority, rather than 60 percent approval. Republican lawmakers have admitted that Issue 1 was dreamed up as a means of preventing abortion rights from being enshrined in the constitution. They want to please their constituents, even though it’s pretty clear that more citizens want abortion rights to be protected than restricted.

I have not made it a secret how I feel about the extreme importance of abortion rights. I’m no longer directly affected by this issue, except that I see the restrictions as a violation of healthcare privacy. Moreover, as I have pointed out MULTIPLE times, sometimes people need abortions for truly heartbreaking medical reasons that are no one else’s damned business! Other times, people simply aren’t ready to be pregnant or to parent… and it should NEVER be up to unintentionally pregnant people to gestate babies to supply to would be adopters. The prospect of that makes me sick to my stomach… because the next thing that will come is forcing pregnant folks to seek medical care and put aside their own civil rights in favor of the developing fetus’s. They’ll also come for birth control.

Mention this to the anti-choice crowd, and they usually come up with comments that amount to “slut shaming”, and offer zero accountability to the men who got them pregnant. Nor does it take into account the fact that besides men who rape and molest, there are also men who cajole, whine, and pressure women to have sex, and lots of women who, for whatever reason, feel they can’t say “no”.

It’s still pretty early since Roe v Wade was overturned, but I really think these extreme abortion bans are going to cause huge problems on several levels. There will be more poverty, child abuse, substance abuse, and domestic violence. And states that enact these ridiculous laws are going to find a significant decrease in the availability and accessibility of decent healthcare, as good doctors leave those states, refuse to train in them, and go where they can practice the way they were trained without interference from law enforcement or government officials who have NO MEDICAL TRAINING WHATSOEVER.

For more on this, have a look at Mama Doctor Jones’s recent video…

Mark my words… this is a look at the future.

It’s not just OB-GYNs who are going to leave, either. Other doctors will also leave, especially if they happen to be married to an OB-GYN, or someone who has high medical risks and needs competent care. Because if they came for the OB-GYNs, who’s to say they won’t come for other doctors? And who wants to practice medicine in such an oppressive environment, anyway?

What’s sad, though, is that so many people still don’t get it. They don’t understand why abortion rights are so important and extreme bans are so very dangerous to ALL females. Read the comments on MDJ’s channel, and you’ll see so many people who aren’t thinking critically about this. They keep spouting off how fetuses should have rights that supersede those of the person who is growing them in their bodies. It really is tragic.

Anyway… neither of these issues are situations that will ever directly affect me. I just feel like the country is going backwards. It’s depressing. But I’m glad to see that people in Ohio still have some good sense.

In other news, Bill says his molar just “sheared” off, and he’s probably going to need an extraction. 🙁 Guess he’ll be joining me on the dental implant train.

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art, ideas, musings

Repost: Are art teachers “stupid”?

This post appeared on my original blog on May 16, 2016. I am reposting it because I think it’s a thought provoking essay. It’s mostly “as/is”. The featured photo was taken by me at the Uffizi Art Gallery and Museum in Florence, Italy in April 2022.

Just to be clear, I don’t think anyone who teaches art or any other humanities or creative class is stupid.  I think a good art teacher can be a lifesaver to some kids.  However, I know there are “practical” minded people out there who think anyone who chooses to teach art or music or any other course that isn’t an “essential subject” must be an idiot.   

“The real question is, how stupid do you have to be to pay for a degree to teach art? Financially doesn’t add up.“

This was posted in a Facebook group I used to frequent. It was full of overly pragmatic people with “military mindsets”.

Some people who read this blog may know that I am a graduate of Longwood University.  Longwood is well known in Virginia for turning out great teachers.  I didn’t become a teacher myself, but I do have a lot of friends and one relative who earned teaching endorsements at Longwood.  I’m not sure what the laws in Virginia are now, but I do remember that the year I entered Longwood, the “elementary education” major was discontinued.  Everyone who wanted to be an elementary school teacher had to major in a subject and then take additional education courses.  And while some of the subjects seemed fun, they were also a lot of hard work.  I can’t count the number of times I watched my friends laboring over colorful projects involving contact paper.  You’d think it would be fun to make teaching aids and bulletin boards, but those projects required time, patience, creativity, and most of all, money.  They weren’t fun and games. 

I often hear people talking about how art, music, dance, and theater are “fun” majors that are ultimately useless.  They have no respect for people who study the arts because they perceive those subjects to be easy.  What some people don’t seem to understand is that it takes actual talent to major in those areas.  Moreover, the arts make the world a better place.  They stimulate creativity, which leads to innovation and discussion.  Arts of all kinds get people talking and thinking and make the world more exciting.  People who teach artistic subjects inspire young people and, in some cases, can actually be lifesavers.

When I was in school, the local school system employed a husband and wife who taught art.  The wife taught art to 7th and 8th graders and her husband taught at the high school.  Mr. and Mrs. Bergh were definitely “artsy” people.  In 7th grade, I took Mrs. Bergh’s class.  I had always enjoyed art and thought her class would be fun.  I actually found Mrs. Bergh’s class difficult.  I will never forget trying to draw a perfect sphere, my hand, or my shoe.  It was really hard.  I don’t think I got higher than a B in that class.  But I did learn something from Mrs. Bergh.  She taught me to “draw what I see”, and that changed my whole perspective.  

Before I took Mrs. Bergh’s art class, I would only draw what I thought I saw.  I wouldn’t actually look at something and try to create it on paper.  I would just create something from my thoughts, never even observing the thing I was trying to draw.  While a lot of great art comes from imagination, there is a lot to be said for taking a minute to look at reality and recording it accurately, as you actually see it with your eyes.  Mrs. Bergh taught me to look closely at an object and draw what my eyes were actually seeing, not what I thought I was seeing.  I must admit, learning to draw what I see was a difficult skill to master, but it changed my worldview.  I could apply that lesson to more than just art.  Mrs. Bergh taught me to look at things objectively rather than subjectively.  That’s a skill that transcends all subjects.

I never took any of Mr. Bergh’s art classes.  I am not a particularly talented artist and I found his wife’s class to be enough of a challenge.  However, many of my friends took Mr. Bergh’s classes.  He was a popular teacher who managed to make a career in art even though he had one prosthetic eye.  Some of my friends were struggling with adolescence.  At least a couple of them were not doing so well in their academic classes, but they excelled in art.  Mr. Bergh’s class gave them a place to express themselves and may have even prevented a couple of them from committing suicide.  He was a good teacher, but he was also a valued friend to most of his students.  He made high school more bearable for a lot of kids.  

My sister majored in art.  She is not a teacher (thank God), but she is a very talented artist.  She’s always been employed, generally in her field.  Years after she completed her art degree, she went on to earn a master’s degree in journalism.  The two areas of study complement each other.  Though she probably could have majored in something others would consider “practical” like accounting or nursing, my sister would have been mediocre and miserable in those fields.  She’s an artist and her work has value.  She got to where she is because people in her past chose to be art teachers.  It’s because someone taught art that my sister isn’t torturing some poor soul in the hospital with a cold bedpan or fucking up someone’s taxes. 

Today’s post was inspired by a rant one of my friends posted about an art teacher calling her daughter stupid.  My friend was understandably upset about the teacher’s conduct.  Another friend said the music teacher had also behaved unprofessionally.  There was a lot of talk about how difficult it is to be fired from the government system and that’s why these teachers were getting away with behaving so badly.  As the discussion continued, someone mentioned that art teachers are usually not very good teachers because their field is not in high demand or they couldn’t hack a “real” subject like English or math.  There may be some truth to that idea.  It could also be that some of the people teaching art and music would rather be creating art and music.  They became teachers because they thought they had to teach in order to make a living.  Maybe they’re burned out or not suited for a career in teaching. 

I think a lot of people go into teaching because they simply want to be employable.  I almost did that myself.  Originally, I planned to get a teaching endorsement to be a high school English teacher, even though I had no desire to teach.  Having taught English as Peace Corps Volunteer, I now know that it would have been a mistake for me to be a professional teacher.  But even as an 18 year old, I knew that I wanted to be able to find a job.  Not being a particularly worldly 18 year old, I thought teaching was the obvious practical skill to fall back on should I ever find myself faced with the prospect of living in a van by the river.    

I majored in English because I love writing, but I believed it was unlikely I would be able to write for a living.  So, being a somewhat practical sort, I figured I could teach.  I know I’m not the only one who’s done that.  Fortunately, I wised up and abandoned my plans to teach.  It would have been a mistake for me to be an English teacher.  I would not have been very good at the job.  Had I decided to be a teacher, some poor kid would probably be complaining to their parents about me.  Or maybe I would have been fired and still ended up in a van by the river.  

Too many Americans have the mindset that they have to follow a set path.  Yes, it’s important to have solid skills that lead to gainful employment.  We do need people in fields that require a specific skill set.  But the world also needs creators and dreamers and people who think outside of the proverbial box.  People who mentor the world’s dreamers have an important job.  Art, music, dance, and theater are very important, especially to young people who are developing their critical thinking skills and their creativity.  We should have more respect for those who choose a career in the arts and those who are brave enough to teach in the arts. 

The world doesn’t need more mediocre scientists, nurses, accountants or teachers.  I know some people think studying the arts with the intention of launching a career is a “stupid idea”, but I would submit that it’s actually stupid to expect everyone to go down the same narrow path.  If you broaden your mindset, you may find that any course of study can be useful and worthwhile.  Moreover, it’s often the creative types who find ways to use arts training to make the world better while they earn a living.  Limited thinkers are those who believe wholesale that art teachers are inherently “stupid” or “can’t hack teaching a ‘real’ subject” simply because they choose to teach art.  

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expressions, funny stories, lessons learned, music, nostalgia

“You really don’t need to put a bow on that load…”

Greetings, blog fans. I decided to take a day off from blogging yesterday. Well, I did post something on the travel blog, but it was short and kind of sweet, because I’m still experiencing our current excursion and I’m not quite ready to write about it yet. So far, it has been an interesting trip, though…

For instance, today’s post title was contributed by Bill. It was inspired by a disgusting song on one of Red Peters’ compilation albums. Bill and I both enjoy off color humor. If it involves body functions, so much the better. Red Peters specializes in that kind of humor, whether it’s in one of his original songs, or a song he puts on one of his compilations, done by another artist.

Some years ago, I went looking for the song “Poo Poo, Pee Pee” on YouTube. No one had uploaded it, so I did, using pictures and video of our recently departed Arran and his old buddy, Zane, who died in 2019. I was probably inspired by one of Arran’s messier indiscretions. By the way, I can play this song on the guitar, now. Maybe I’ll redo it and sing it myself… and play along, too. Why not?

“Poo Poo, Pee Pee” by Bunkum… a classic!

Arran never really did get the hang of housetraining 100 percent. He was about 90 percent reliable. I think he did know better than to go in the house, but for some reason, he just didn’t think it was important enough to avoid having accidents. I had to be very vigilant about making sure he went out and actually did his business. Otherwise, I might get an unpleasant and stinky surprise.

Anyway, the above song has a line that goes “Put a bow on that load…” or something like that. When I was talking to Bill about the post I wrote two days ago, about the high school senior who applied to 70 colleges and got into 54 of them, Bill quipped “Right. You don’t need to put a bow on that load.”

I laughed, because it seemed like sort of a backward way of calling what the young lady did “gilding the lily.” I remember when I was in college, finishing up my bachelor’s degree. I had two minors– one in speech, and the other in communications– and could have taken just one more course for a third, in journalism. My advisor, the wonderful and departed Dr. Massie Stinson, said in his very courtly, gentlemanly, southern accent, “I think that would be ‘gilding the lily.'”

“Gilding the lily” refers to the practice of trying to decorate something that is already beautiful. One doesn’t need to paint a beautiful flower with gold, because it’s already magnificent. Putting gold paint on a beautiful flower would turn it into something garish, tacky, and gaudy. Let the flower’s virtues stand alone…

Of course, if I had wanted to take the journalism class, that would be something else. In retrospect, maybe I should have taken it. If I recall correctly, it was taught by the recently departed Mr. William Woods (although people called him “Doctor”– he didn’t actually have a doctoral degree). I took two classes with Mr. Woods, and found him to be very entertaining. Journalism class with him would have, no doubt, made my GPA a little better. Certainly, it would have helped me with my GPA in English. I was a pretty mediocre English major.

But, at the time, I didn’t want to take that class. I took journalism in high school and was actually pretty good at it. I like writing, as you can see. I think I was put off by the prospect of having to talk to people, especially after a tragedy. Isn’t it funny that a few years later, I would earn a master’s degree in social work? Which… as you can also see… I don’t use. If I had actually launched my career as planned, I probably would have aimed to use the public health degree… and I don’t know how successful I would have been, because it probably would have meant working with scientists or hospital administrators a lot. I likely would have been fired.

Fortunately, I found my husband, who finds it advantageous to keep me around, if only so we can laugh at our many private running jokes and enjoy scatological humor together. Otherwise, I might be living in a van down by the river… or a box under a bridge. And instead of going to our high priced dentist today, I could be sporting “summer teeth” (summer here, summer there… 😉 ). I’m kidding, of course. I have absolutely no doubt that if I needed to survive, I would, and my survival would neither involve homelessness, nor poor oral hygiene.

Sometimes, I just like to stop and muse at the complete absurdity of my life and how it’s turned out. Quite a lot of it is, frankly, ridiculous… Like, for instance, how I met Bill in the first place. It was not the kind of scenario that I’d want to tell my mother the truth about… although his mother knows, and has no issues with it. Bill’s mom isn’t like my mom, though. She’s more of a woman of the world. Actually, my mom is also a woman of the world, but she has much less tolerance and patience for my bent toward vulgarity. Certain topics are off limits. However, she doesn’t mind when I cuss. I think that’s interesting. She will fuss about cursing at my eldest sister, who is 64 years old, but I can drop an f bomb in from of my mom, and she truly doesn’t care. She probably figures it’s a lost cause… “sigh”.

Every old sock needs an old shoe, though, and I guess I’m Bill’s. He likes me, and he comes up with funny lines, often based on nonsensical things in our lives. And instead of “gilding the lily”, he said “you don’t need to put a bow on that load…” which is sort of like calling what the high school student did “bullshit” and saying that a load of bullshit doesn’t need a big fancy bow on it to make it “prettier”. I don’t know that I would necessarily describe applying to that many schools as “bullshit”. To me, it seems more to indicate issues with compulsion or anxiety… or maybe it’s just a statement that our higher education system is complete bollocks.

The book I’m reading right now kind of addresses the phenomenon that a lot of young people think they HAVE to go to some big name college. They put all their eggs in one basket, and ignore less famous places that can give them a perfectly good education. That means the lesser known, but still excellent (or adequate) schools struggle to stay alive, and the really big ones are inundated with applications from way too many qualified students. And then we have wealthy people paying huge “donations” to athletic departments, falsifying records, faking credentials, and winding up in minimum security prison camps for fraud.

I look forward to reviewing the book, so I think I’ll stop here and finish it. I think I have about 30 percent to go… You can look forward to more of a rant about this subject in the coming days.

Hope you have a good Monday. Ours will be punctuated by a nationwide transportation strike and a date with the dentist. Joy of joys… but we’ll go home tomorrow; I’ll write up this trip; and maybe post a new book review. Ciao!

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memories, nostalgia, social media

Sometimes beer takes me places I never expected to go…

If you attempt to read this, please do me a favor and try to make it to the end before passing judgment.

A couple of days ago, I did a search of my own posts on Facebook. I don’t even remember what I was hoping to find. Maybe it’s because I drink a lot of beer. 😉 In any case, when I did that search, I unexpectedly found today’s featured photo. I got a kick out of it for many nostalgic reasons.

That photo was taken 30 years ago, during my junior year at what was then known as Longwood College in Farmville, Virginia. It’s a pretty special picture for many nostalgic reasons… including some I’ve just realized so many years later. I’ll get to why in a few paragraphs, if you’ll just indulge me a bit.

My junior year roommate was a year older than me, and the one I got along with best during my college years. She was a very serious student– extremely hard working and high achieving. I don’t know if this is still true, but at the time, she was said to be the very last organ performance major at Longwood. Her goal was to be a music teacher. I hung out with a lot of music majors. They were some of the hardest working people I’ve ever known.

This roommate and I got along very well, which is an amazing thing. We lived on the third floor of South Cunningham, which has since been demolished. In fact, the room I had during my sophomore year is no longer used as a dormitory. It’s now an administration building. Those of us who went to Longwood College, as opposed to Longwood University, have very different memories of the campus. It really has changed that much. I guess it leads to bonding on Facebook.

I’m always a little dismayed when I realize that I went through SEVEN Longwood roommates, and that was even with two semesters during which I had my own room. Sometimes I feel like I’m just not a very likeable person who isn’t compatible with most others, even though Bill and I are ridiculously compatible.

Then, when I think about it, I realize that my roommate situation is not as bad as it sounds. One year, I temporarily had a second roommate who eventually got kicked out of school. One year, my roommate joined a sorority and moved in with her new “sisters”. I had the room to myself in the spring. Another year, I had a roommate for a few weeks, until she left to student teach. Then I got a new roommate during the spring semester before my graduation, and we got along fine.

Then there’s my very first roommate, “Margaret” (not her real name) with whom I only spent a week before she basically kicked me out of the room so her slutty friend across the hall could move in. I’ve already blogged about her, though…

Before anyone comes at me, let me just say that I know it’s not nice to call someone a slut, but that was basically what Margaret’s friend and future roommate was like. We had been at college for a mere week, and she just wanted to skank around with fraternity guys. My former roommate delusionally thought the frat guys would like her, too, so she tagged along with her friend of one week. I understand from my former suitemates that their living arrangement didn’t work out very well.

If I hadn’t been in the middle of that mess during my first week of college, I might have felt sorry for my former roommate. The chick from across the hall– who openly and unabashedly spoke of her “twat” itching (yes, she literally said this– and I was confused because, at the time, I don’t even think I knew what a twat was)– was probably just using ex roommate for her money.

Margaret had a lot of money, but to be blunt, she was definitely not a looker. But she and fraternity skank showed me nothing but contempt, so I don’t have a lot of regard for either of them. Besides, it all worked out for the best. Both of those women left Longwood after our freshman year, and this article isn’t about them, anyway. So, I’ll move on. 😉

Junior year was a pretty good year for me. That was the one year I finally had a good friend as a roommate. Because I was 20 years old, I couldn’t buy my own booze… except at a couple of places that never carded people. My friend, who wasn’t a drinker, helped me buy a case of Bud Dry at what was then a Harris Teeter supermarket (I think it’s now a Kroger). Bud Dry was highfalutin’ beer in those days. I usually drank Natural Light or something of that caliber. There was a Canadian beer called Arctic Bay that I used to get all the time. I don’t think they make it anymore. I know Bud Dry is now defunct, as of 2010.

Being 20 years old and not very experienced in the ways of the world, I honestly thought Bud Dry was good stuff. So I packed it into my dented and RENTED dorm fridge and took a picture for posterity. At some point, I shared the photo on Facebook, where a lot of laughs and discussion ensued. As I mentioned up post, South Cunningham was demolished, but it was a much loved home at Longwood for a lot of students. So that photo of Bud Dry was definitely prime sharing material. First, I shared it on my personal page; then I shared it in a group for Longwood College alums (as opposed to Longwood University alums).

At this writing, about 250 people in the group have liked the photo, and there have been a lot of lively comments about it. Most of the comments have been about what “expensive” tastes I had, since I wasn’t drinking Milwaukee’s Best (Beast) or its ilk. Again, the reason there was a photo was because I was “proud” of drinking Bud Dry. I thought I was living large. I was, but only in terms of my clothing size. 😀

I was enjoying the Facebook commentary about the photo when I noticed someone with a familiar, yet unusual, last name had “liked” it. Suddenly, I remembered a woman I knew of because of my second Longwood roommate, the woman who had joined Kappa Delta sorority and moved in with her “sisters” during the spring of my freshman year.

Though I never joined a sorority myself, I eventually learned that most of them had nicknames based on their campus reputations. I also found out that a sorority chapter on one campus might be totally different than they’d be on another. For instance, I have some cousins who were Sigma Kappas at the University of Georgia. The Sigma Kappas at Longwood when I was a student there were known as really “smart” and kind of nerdy. But my cousins, if they had gone to Longwood, were probably more like Kappa Deltas or maybe Zeta Tau Alphas, both of which were founded at Longwood. Actually, if they had gone to Longwood, my cousins would have probably pledged ZTA, because their grandmother, my Aunt Jeanne, was a ZTA at Longwood.

My roommate after “Margaret” was a woman who happened to have the same first and last name as Margaret did. However, she spelled her first name differently and went by a nickname. I’ll call her “Maggy”. She was the opposite of Margaret. While Margaret was a narcissistic asshole who wore braces, and was morbidly obese, Maggy was slim, cool, and pretty. She was a natural for the “KD ladies”, as she told me they were known as at Longwood.

Maggy and I weren’t destined to be long term friends, but she was a much better fit than Margaret was. At least she didn’t come in during the middle of the night and turn on the overhead light while I was sleeping, right? In fact, a lot of nights, she slept with her boyfriend. That was cool for me!

Anyway, Maggy was very busy during the semester she pledged her sorority. She had a composite photo of all of the “sisters”. I remember seeing that photo every day during my first semester at Longwood. I remember most of the women in that photo were really conventionally pretty, like Maggy was. However, there was one woman who stood out in the composite photo. She was very attractive, but not in the super pretty way the others were. She had what seemed like a rare kind of charisma. I found her interesting and was curious about her.

I remember taking notice of the woman’s name, mainly because she had kind of an unusual moniker. I also noticed her because she had a dazzling smile that was very genuine, like someone everyone would want to meet and know. Again, she was not gorgeous in the typical popular sorority girl way, but she had an inner radiance about her. I could tell that she was someone who made friends very easily.

Maggy’s new sorority sister had a rare kind of true inner beauty. Her magnetism was obvious and memorable to me, even though I didn’t even know her. In fact, I never even met her when I was at Longwood. As an 18 year old, I just noticed and remembered her name and her face… and as time marched on, I eventually forgot about her… until last night.

I noticed someone with the same unusual last name liking my beer fridge post. I hadn’t thought of Maggy’s “dazzling smiled” sorority sister in well over 30 years. She was two years ahead of me, and we didn’t run in the same circles. At first, I thought the person who had liked the photo was the same woman with the dazzling smile. She hadn’t spelled out her first name on Facebook, but she had the same first initial as Maggy’s sorority sister did, plus the same surname.

I was curious, so I took a look at the person’s profile. After a minute or two, I realized that the person who had liked my post wasn’t the woman with the dazzling smile. Instead, she appeared to be a family member– perhaps a sister or a cousin.

There was a picture of the woman with the smile on her public Facebook page, and based on the comments, it appeared that she had died. I followed another link to Maggy’s sorority sister’s profile, and saw more comments from people who missed her. They commented on her spirit and her laugh. I could relate to that, since my laugh is very distinctive, too. When I die, I’m sure if anyone still knows me offline, they’ll comment on my laugh, too.

A few more minutes of investigation revealed that the woman with the smile had died of breast cancer. I soon found many pictures of her before and after treatment. There were pictures of her that recalled how she’d looked in her Kappa Delta composite photo. And there were pictures of her smiling bravely, with very short hair, and then finally completely bald. In every single one of those photos, there was that radiant smile that defied the circumstances and revealed what appeared to be an indomitable spirit. I don’t even know her story, but the smile told me a lot about her.

Soon, I found myself looking closer at the people she’d left behind. This was a woman who was obviously much beloved by a lot of folks, especially her family, but also friends and colleagues. She had clearly made an impression on many, and had left a very positive and indelible mark on their hearts. I suddenly felt kind of sad, because I wished I’d had a chance to meet her. Behind her sparkling, lively eyes, and bright, brave, dazzling smile, even when she was completely bald, there was a remarkable woman who had really made a difference to so many.

Of course, if I had met her, there’s every chance that we wouldn’t have meshed. I’ve mentioned it before, but it bears repeating. I tend to be the kind of person people love or hate. But now that I think about it, looking at pictures of Maggy’s sorority sister reminds me of an experience I had on a road trip years ago, when I happened to run into a Buddhist monk. I wrote about that experience here, but the short story is, that guy had a countenance that immediately put me at ease and calmed me down when I had been hangry and wound up tighter than a spring. I was awestruck and moved by simply being in the peaceful monk’s presence, looking at him from across a crowded room.

When I did a similar search for old photos last night, I happened across one about one of my relatives… She happened to live on a farm called Longwood, and she died a couple of years ago. I wasn’t very close to this relative. Although we were family, we didn’t agree on religion or politics. However, when she died, many people were genuinely devastated.

I noticed that along with the post her sister– another relative of mine– had written about missing her, there was a photo of them. And I noticed that they both had dazzling, warm, and genuine smiles, too. Even though we’re family, but not close friends, I can see that they obviously have left indelible marks on people. If I didn’t already know them due to our family connection, I’d probably be struck and ultimately touched by their beautiful smiles, too.

Isn’t it funny how a photo of a rented dorm fridge full of Bud Dry posted on Facebook can lead me to these places? Anyway… if anyone related to this woman figures out who she is and that I’ve written about her, I just want to say I’m very sorry for your loss. I can tell by the photos showcasing her smile that she was a very special person. Either that, or her dentists are worth their weight in platinum. 😉 (I’m kidding, of course…)

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