Tag Archives: emergencies

funny stories, Military, South Carolina

How some people call for an ambulance in the South…

Today’s post is going to be somewhat short, because Bill and I have some plans for today and we need to get a somewhat early start. So instead of going off on a coffee fueled sermon, today I’m going to write about an article I found puzzling on several levels.

Now, some readers know that I lived in South Carolina for about three years, and I am a graduate of its flagship state university, The University of South Carolina. Er… that’s where I went to graduate school, anyway. I am pretty familiar with the culture in the southeastern United States. I still had to chuckle this morning when I read about how a family found a pilot in their backyard.

The incident happened last Sunday. The pilot was flying a  F-35B Lightning II fighter jet , which belonged to training squadron of the 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing. It had taken off from Joint Base Charleston on Sunday afternoon and was doing a routine training exercise, along with another plane.

For some reason, the pilot ejected, and the aircraft, which is reportedly one of the most advanced fighter jets in the world and has a price tag to match, was left to crash on its own. The pilot landed somewhat safely in a backyard, while the jet was found in Williamsburg County, about 60 miles northeast of where the pilot landed. Because of its status as a very advanced fighter jet, the whole area where the plane crashed is going to have to be cordoned off and scoured, because that plane has a lot of classified information onboard that will have to be stowed somewhere safe (that is, not in Trump’s bathroom at Mar-a-Lago).

I’m certainly not going to judge the pilot for ejecting. He’s 47 years old, and presumably has a whole lot of experience flying jets. I do think that unless he has an extremely good explanation for ejecting, his career is probably over. But as yet, I don’t know why he bailed on the very advanced stealth fighter jet– a former part of one of the Department of Defense’s most expensive programs, costing taxpayers $1.7 trillion over its lifespan. I’m going to assume he had a very good reason that involved saving his own life. The article I linked did mention that the F-35s, for all of their gadgetry and aeronautic wizardry, seem to break down frequently. That might be what happened in this case. The pilot had mentioned there was a “aircraft failure”. I’m just glad the aircraft crashed in a wooded area where there, apparently, weren’t any people on the ground.

Whew… at least no one was seriously hurt!

What prompts me to write about this today is the way the residents of the home where the pilot landed called 911. It cracked me up. The caller said:

“I guess we’ve got a pilot in our house, and he says he got ejected.”

First off, this is a pretty bizarre thing to happen. So I can understand why the caller was hesitant to state for sure that they had a pilot at their house who had ejected. I’m sure the person was shocked. The 911 operator was also surprised and responded thusly:

“I’m sorry — what happened?”

But then came the very polite and hopeful request for the ambulance…

“We’ve got a pilot in the house, and I guess he landed in my backyard, and we’re trying to see if we could get an ambulance to the house, please,”

You guess he landed there? Is it possible he landed in someone else’s backyard and came to your house to bug you specifically? And now you’re “trying” to see if you “could” get an ambulance? It seems like such a very polite request after such a weird occurrence!

I’m kidding, of course. These folks were, no doubt, completely dumbfounded that this happened to them. It’s kind of like when you play The Sims, look up into the sky, and suddenly get killed by a falling satellite. It just isn’t something that happens to the vast majority of people. Life is strange. I get that. I still couldn’t help but crack up at the very courtly and civilized request for an ambulance.

The pilot then gets on the phone and explains:

“We have a military jet crash. I’m the pilot. We need to get rescue rolling. I’m not sure where the airplane is,” the pilot tells the dispatcher. “It would have crash-landed somewhere. I ejected.”

The pilot also said he had some back pain (I can imagine) and needed to be checked out by a doctor… naturally! So he went to the hospital and stayed overnight.

Now see, I read this and shake my head in wonder. The pilot fell about 2000 feet, parachuting into a stranger’s backyard, and still offered a response to 911 that seems much more rational and normal than his very polite surprise hosts did. If it were me, I think I would have been very surprised and animated. There might have even been some gratuitous profanity.

I can only wonder what the residents said as the pilot departed their home. Perhaps they invited him to drop in again sometime? Only next time, I hope he arrives at their house by land!

Hopefully, the pilot is okay in all ways and his career survives the impact of this crash landing… He certainly kept his wits about him. As for the people who called 911, I wish them well, too. Hopefully, there wasn’t any damage done to their yard when the pilot dropped in on their Sunday. The 911 dispatcher now has a call they can forever share with friends and family. Other than the plane crash costing taxpayers millions and generating work for the military, this story has a pretty happy ending. That’s always a good thing.

Well, I guess I’ll end today’s post and get dressed. We’ve got somewhere to go and something to do… (for once). Hopefully, no ambulances will be involved.

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Germany, healthcare, law, mental health, YouTube

“Du bist nicht allein…” There’s always someone helpful out there…

Last night, after Bill left for his TDY to Bavaria, I was left watching YouTube videos. Because I felt a cold coming on, and my stomach was bugging me, I decided to eat some bland leftovers and drink sparkling water. Then, once it got respectably late, I figured I’d go to bed.

Because of the nature of the videos I ended up watching, my mind started wandering to dark places. When you watch a lot of cop videos, you see people in varying states of mental, emotional, and physical distress. Some cops are really good at helping people in crisis. They treat people with basic respect and decency. Some are even kind and empathic. Other cops are rude, dismissive, or just plain mean.

I watched one video last night that I had seen before. It involved a police officer named John Kovach, Jr. from Lorain, Ohio, whose 18 year old daughter, Katlyn, was dating a guy he didn’t like. Katlyn’s boyfriend, at least circa spring 2018, was Makai Coleman. Because her dad didn’t want his daughter dating Coleman, and Katlyn was by then a legal adult, she decided to leave the family home and stay with friends. She refused to speak to her dad, which was her legal right.

Below is the video of the subsequent confrontation that got John Kovach, Jr. fired from his long held job with the Lorain Police Department. I’m sure it also didn’t do much for his relationship with his daughter, at least in 2018. I don’t know if they’ve mended fences since then.

A serious abuse of power…

One of the many troubling things Kovach said as he started to arrest Coleman, for no apparent reason, is that he’d be “making shit up” about Coleman’s “charges” as they headed to jail. But then, once he saw his daughter hiding in the back of Coleman’s car, John Kovach, Jr. decided to turn Coleman loose and force Katlyn into his police car. Clearly, it was inappropriate, as Katlyn is his daughter, and he’s not exactly objective about this situation.

But as John Kovach, Jr. was making his adult daughter get in the back of the squad car, he justified “arresting” Katlyn, because he claimed she was “suicidal”. He said she’d made a comment indicating suicidal ideation the day prior. Katlyn, who was by then screaming and crying, reminded him that he wasn’t with her the day prior, as she had rightly escaped his home to be with more rational people.

According to an article by the Washington Post:

Kovach said that when he spoke with his daughter on the phone, she said, “If I can’t be with him, I don’t want to be here anymore.” He told investigators that he believed his daughter was threatening suicide.

Kovach said he intended to take Katlyn to the hospital for a “psychiatric evaluation”, since she was “suicidal”… which she obviously wasn’t. He just wanted to exert control over her. There were other claims made about how Kovach had threatened to make Makai Coleman’s life difficult. The young man had wanted to join the military, and Kovach said he’d be talking to the lad’s recruiter and otherwise abuse his authority to threaten and harass Coleman.

The way Kovach behaved on that day in 2018, though, was totally beyond the pale. Soon, he’d gone from overprotective father to abusive cop. It was absolutely right that he was fired from his job for behaving in such an unhinged way. Kovach also harassed Coleman’s sister and mother, threatening them with jail and fines for trying to intervene. Meanwhile, Katlyn was screaming and crying, while her father went into creepy control freak mode, barking at her to “knock it off.” I don’t know if he actually took her to the hospital, but it seems like it would have been a real waste of time and resources on many levels.

After I watched that video, I started thinking about life in Germany, wondering if the Kovach family drama might ever happen here. Then I started Googling. I already noticed on YouTube, watching any video that mentions the word “suicide” prompts a notice in German– “Du bist nicht allein…” (you are not alone). Yeah, you can say that again. Big brother is always watching!

What I see when I search for anything with the word “suicide” in it. YouTube includes an explanation here.

I’m kidding, kinda. I mean, it’s good that they have resources for dealing with people who are mentally or emotionally shaky. The YouTube prompt was a link to a page where there are volunteers standing by, willing to talk to someone who feels alone, either by phone or chat. That’s a good thing… although it does kind of lead one to wonder why someone would do that in their free time. I know there are caring and kind people out there who do it because they genuinely want to help people. Those people save lives. But then there are also people like Ted Bundy, who answered suicide hotlines for awhile before he became a notorious serial killer. Ted Bundy reportedly did save some people from offing themselves. He even worked on the suicide hotline with the late true crime author, Ann Rule, who later wrote an excellent book about him. She verified that he ended some lives, but he also saved some.

One thing I do think is enlightened about the German hotlines is that they don’t just address the suicidal. They have nine hotlines that are designed to address a host of issues, everything from abuse to supporting others who need help. They even have a dedicated help line for Muslims.

I got more curious about this topic as the evening wore on… remember I did study this stuff in school, sorta. So I dug a little deeper, and soon found myself on Toytown Germany (a discussion site for English speakers in Germany). In 2006, someone had posted about a someone they knew who had attempted suicide. The person went to an emergency room, was treated for a couple of days, then released. The original poster was shocked, but other people soon chimed in on the subject– some of whom were shockingly insensitive. One person said that they knew someone who had spiked his vodka with dishwasher tablets. The guy was similarly treated and released. The Americans on the forum were saying that in the United States, the person would get a 72 hour hold at least.

Some people were making ignorant comments about suicide and suicidal threats. Realizing that the thread was started in 2006, I realized that things have only gotten worse since then. People are pretty jaded these days. Then someone mentioned that an attempt would probably warrant a “stay at Haar”. That made me curious, so I went searching for information on that.

I discovered that Haar is a psychiatric clinic near Munich, and it gets pretty horrible reviews on Google. I’m sure there are other psych hospitals in Germany. Maybe some of them are helpful… but then, you have to consider the source of such reviews. They’re typically written by people who are in crisis and the crisis isn’t necessarily solved by a stay in a hospital. In some ways, it may get even worse after medical and psychiatric “help”, especially if one ends up with a doctor who is an insensitive asshole or something. On the other hand, I realize that it’s not easy for providers, either. Mentally ill people can be very challenging to deal with, especially when they are non-compliant or apathetic. Mental health providers are human, too… and sometimes, that kind of work can lead to burnout.

Actually, watching YouTube videos of American cops and paramedics is a pretty good study in burnout. I’m sure a lot of people initially decide to go into police work or emergency services because they are kind and caring, and just want to help. Some people want to feel useful or powerful… or they want to make a difference somehow. Some of those folks never tire of the work or become insensitive or impatient.

On the other hand, some people do that work simply because it’s a job and there’s always a need. I think of the man who worked as an emergency medical technician in Brooklyn, New York and hit my friend, Matt, with a borrowed Rolls Royce. Matt died of his injuries, and the so-called paramedic never even stopped to render the most basic of aid. He just let him die, while he sped off in the luxury car. This man was an EMT, but he didn’t care about Matt. Now he’s in jail, but he’ll be out before Christmas. Matt, on the other hand, is gone forever.

That’s another things I’ve noticed, too… A lot of people, at least in the United States, act like total barbarians when they get arrested. Some of them do go to prison for a long time. Others, in spite of being totally awful, get their charges dropped or a slap on the wrist. It seems to me that involvement with the police is kind of the same as involvement with hospitals. You never know what you’re going to end up paying in the long run. It depends on who you are, what your coverage is, and which state you’re in when the event happens. You can go to an emergency department and get charged varying amounts, since there’s no regulation of fees. And you can get arrested and end up with any number of penalties, depending on the cop or the jurisdiction… or, again… who you are.

Anyway… this was just one of the darker rabbit holes I’ve been down. Unfortunately, I’m in kind of a bad mood today. I caught a cold somewhere over the weekend, plus my stomach hurts. I’m sitting here with a runny nose, scratchy throat, and a dull ache in my gut, wondering if I may need to call for help myself, at some point. But my guess is that I’ll just be grouchy and thirsty, as I always am when I catch a cold. I think I’ll close today’s post and get on with the day, so I can go back to bed. I’ve got to walk Noyzi and practice guitar before it’ll be time to fall back down the emergency services abyss and see what else I can dig up to discuss. 😉

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healthcare, law, Police

Lisa Edwards’ tragic exit from the world…

Yesterday, I read a sad news story in the Washington Post about a 60 year old woman named Lisa Edwards. Accompanying the story was a picture of Edwards, who in recent years, had been confined to a wheelchair. She had the appearance of a homeless person, with stringy hair and an overall unkempt appearance. I’m sure it was easy for the police who had arrived to forcibly remove her from Fort Sanders Regional Medical Center in Knoxville, Tennessee, where she had just received medical treatment and was released.

Edwards had refused to leave the hospital because she claimed she still felt unwell. Hospital security had called the Knoxville police and asked them to “trespass” her. The police accused Edwards of faking, as she refused to leave under her own power. She told them she couldn’t breathe. They didn’t believe her; one officer accused her of putting on “an act”, saying that all he wanted was some coffee and oatmeal. When she asked for her inhaler, an officer looked in her purse to find it, and offered her a cigarette instead.

Edwards was unable to step into the police van. The cops said they couldn’t lift her, because she was “dead weight”. They didn’t know how true that comment would turn out to be, as Lisa Edwards soon after her encounter with them.

Still, one officer peevishly said, “Listen, I’m not doin’ this today. This is the ‘Lord’s Day’… all I want is some coffee and oatmeal. I’m NOT gonna deal with your mess this morning. We’ve already spent too much time on you. You’re gonna get up here in this van and you’re gonna go to jail. We’re DONE with you.”

When Ms. Edwards said she was going to pass out, the same officer said, “You’re not gonna pass out.”

The cops continued talking among themselves. One of them seemed to be more cautious, and said something along the lines of, “Unfortunately, if she goes over and can’t breathe…” The video footage then shows Ms. Edwards lying on the street in what appear to be hospital scrubs. She begs the police to help her up.

The cops finally manage to get Edwards into a police cruiser. As they were headed to the police department, the officer who was driving noticed that Edwards was unresponsive. Video shows one of them pulling her head back and saying, “I don’t know if she’s fakin’ it or what, but she’s not answering.”

The cop then calls an ambulance for Lisa Edwards. She’s taken back to Fort Sanders Medical Center, where she was placed on life support. The woman later died of the stroke she had repeatedly warned the cops she was about to have, as they accused her of “faking” and ordered her to stop with her “mess”.

Below is video footage of the arrest, which was shared by Inside Edition.

Lisa Edwards knew she was still very sick, but the medical staff and police didn’t believe her. She paid for their negligence with her life.

Amazingly enough, even though it’s very clear that the police officers involved in this case were unprofessional and inhumane, the Knox County district attorney general’s office announced Monday that it would not be filing criminal charges against the officers involved. An autopsy revealed that Ms. Edwards died of “natural causes”. Apparently, video surveillance did not show that the cops who were trying to take Edwards into custody did anything to hasten her death.

The district attorney’s office specifically stated “Ms. Edwards was not beaten by the police, she was never subdued, there was no physical struggle between law enforcement and Ms. Edwards, and there was no restraint asphyxia…” I suppose that’s technically true, based on the footage. Still, those cops showed no humanity or mercy toward a fellow human being. They should be deeply ashamed of themselves for their conduct. As of this writing, the four police officers involved with this incident are on paid administrative leave pending an internal investigation.

I don’t know anything about autopsies, nor do I know anything about Lisa Edwards that hasn’t been in the press. However, I do think it’s absolutely heartbreaking that this woman’s life ended in the completely undignified and cruel way it did. She was obviously in distress and needed help. The cops let her down and treated her like an animal. But the cops aren’t the only ones responsible for Lisa Edwards’ horrifying exit from the mortal coil. She was also let down by the medical staff at the hospital.

Naturally, the powers that be at the hospital are covering their asses with the statement that is shown in today’s featured photo. Looks to me like they just wanted to “turf” Lisa Edwards… kick her out of the hospital and make her someone else’s problem.

But Edwards wasn’t just some anonymous stray on the streets of Knoxville. She had a loving family and friends. In fact, she was in the process of moving back to Tennessee from Rhode Island to live with her friends. She wasn’t in good health, having had a stroke in 2019 that left her needing a wheelchair. Still, she had a son, and lived with him and his family until she decided she’d rather live in Tennessee. She had grandchildren she loved, and who loved her. This was not the way Lisa Edward’s last days in life should have been spent.

This isn’t the only outrageous story about callous treatment at the hands of U.S. based emergency services I’ve read of lately. Recently, I’ve been watching a lot of bodycam footage of police and emergency interactions with people in the United States. I’ve seen at least two more videos about police officers and emergency services workers treating people with cruelty and utter contempt.

In December, EMTs in Saginaw County, Illinois were caught being negligent, cruel, and callous to Earl Moore Jr., a man in Illinois who was experiencing alcohol withdrawal needed their help. In this case, the workers were eventually charged with first degree murder, as Mr. Moore died of asphyxia due to being strapped prone to the stretcher.

“Stand up. Use your legs.” But their patient wasn’t able to walk on his own. He wound up prone on the stretcher, and died of asphyxia, as he was strapped face down and couldn’t breathe.

In another sad case from three years ago, a 26 year old man named Paul Tarashuk died after he was basically dumped by cops and emergency workers who desperately needed their help. Tarashuk suffered from schizoaffective disorder, and was experiencing a psychotic episode when he encountered the police near Orangeburg, South Carolina. A trucker saw a naked Mr. Tarashuk walking toward him, then later realized the man was riding on his rig. He called 911.

The police officer who responded thought Tarashuk was high or drunk. First responders were caught on camera treating Mr. Tarashuk with contempt, demanding his name and saying they were “sleepy”. One of the crew members waved an ammonia capsule under his nose. Finally, the deputy puts Tarashuk in his cruiser and dumps him at a closed gas station, with no shoes or phone. A few hours later, the same ambulance crew picked up Mr. Tarashuk. He was dead.

Just dreadful. This was another man who had family and friends and was legitimately ill. These so-called emergency workers didn’t see the humanity in this man they simply dismissed and left to go to his death.

The above link is a news report, but I actually saw the whole video of raw bodycam footage. The mind boggles as to what has caused these emergency workers to become so completely uncaring and inhumane. The fact that Mr. Tarashuk was naked and disoriented should have been a clue that he was potentially dealing with an organic mental illness that he couldn’t help. But even if he had been high or drunk, this was still no way to treat another human being!

Shameful and so very sad…

I haven’t had any dealings with police recently. I only had one experience with EMTs, but that was about 30 years ago. I didn’t let them take me to the hospital after I fainted at the Olive Garden in Roanoke, Virginia. These cases definitely make me not want to have anything to do with emergency workers or the police, even if I know they aren’t all like this.

Consider, too, that an ambulance ride in the United States isn’t free of charge. Depending on the town and the mileage, a ride in an ambulance, after insurance pays out, can cost several hundred to thousands of dollars. To be clear, even if the ambulance service in the US was completely free of charge, I’d still expect much more professional conduct from emergency services personnel. But the fact that people pay a lot of money for this kind of treatment is just outrageous.

My heart goes out to the family members and friends of the people in these recent cases who have spent their last hours of life in the care of people who apparently need to find new work. I don’t understand why a person would be attracted to find a job in emergency services if they can’t be moved to care for people, even when it’s the middle of the night or the “Lord’s Day”. It certainly doesn’t make me want to trust that I might find help when I need it, next time I’m in the USA.

I don’t know if things are like this in Germany, although having seen some of them in action, I tend to think not. From what I’ve seen, German emergency personnel are very serious about their jobs. At least it costs a lot less to be medically treated here… whether with respect or contempt.

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dogs, emergencies, home

I went all Granny T last night…

Last night, I was sitting in the dark living room, working on the latest jigsaw puzzle. Suddenly, I heard Bill, and he sounded concerned.

“Arran, come here. You can’t have that nut!” he said.

Arran, who celebrated his ninth anniversary as our devoted family member yesterday, came running into the living room. He was clearly in distress. Bill was grabbing him around the stomach. It looked almost like Arran was choking on something, but I could tell he was breathing.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“He’s got a walnut in his mouth.” Bill said. Apparently, Arran had found an unshelled nut somewhere mysterious, broke it open with his teeth, and half of it was stuck on a molar. The other half, thank God, was in his bed. Walnuts are not really safe foods for dogs for a number of reasons.

“Oh my God!” I said.

Next thing I knew, my fingers were in Arran’s mouth, feeling around for the nut, which I thought was already halfway down his gullet. Vision of his sudden death flashed in my head as my fingers came out of his mouth, unsuccessful. I noticed splotches of blood on his right front paw, which he’d been using to frantically paw at his mouth, trying to get the walnut out.

I reached into his mouth again, determined to get the nut. I felt it stuck on his tooth. Somehow, I managed to grasp it and pull it out. It was all bloody, having cut the fragile gum tissue.

For a few minutes, all three of us were shellshocked by the sudden emergency. Bill had tears in his eyes as he comforted Arran, who was still scared and bewildered. I suddenly had a vision of my grandmother, Granny Tolley, who had a history of saving the day whenever one of her descendants got in trouble. I remember stories of Granny grabbing hatchets to kill snakes or break kids out of locked bathrooms. Granny died in July 2007, about six weeks shy of her 101st birthday. She was a tough lady.

After a few minutes, we were all a bit calmer, and Arran was back to sniffing the kitchen floor, hoping to find something edible that was dropped. He was perfectly fine within twenty minutes or so, but Bill and I were still a little bit shook up. Arran is about 13 years old, and it looks like he will be the dog who will have the longest tenure with us.

Our dog, Zane, died just a couple of months before what would have been his tenth “gotcha day” anniversary with us. But we got Zane when he was younger, and he had more health problems than Arran has ever had. Zane was a ray of sunshine, but he was fragile, suffering allergies and three years of mast cell tumors before finally succumbing to lymphoma.

I don’t think Arran was in any danger of dying last night, as the walnut wasn’t lodged in his windpipe or throat. But it was definitely a scary situation. I was kind of pleased with myself for jumping in and helping him out. As for how Arran got the walnut, I don’t know… I think he might have found it in the backyard. We lost a tree last weekend, and it’s still lying in the backyard, waiting for better weather and “processing”. I think the tree’s fall has unearthed some stuff.

As for Noyzi… he missed the entire drama. He usually hangs out in his bed upstairs in the evenings, except when we’re eating. Even then, he shows up fashionably late, sometimes even after we’ve already finished eating. He goes outside, does a few frenetic poop runs, tends to business, drinks a shitload of water, then puts himself to bed. Lately, Noyzi has had some pretty disgusting diarrhea, so that’s been fun… especially with the muddy backyard. I’ve been giving him pumpkin to help bind his poop.

As I write this, both dogs have come into the office, begging for attention and a walk. It’s cloudy outside and I’m a little depressed. I’m tempted to stay in my cocoon… but I guess it would do us all good to take a walk and get some air. Maybe it will motivate me to do my much hated Thursday chore of vacuuming, and pick up my guitar for some practice.

Last week, I was inspired to record my version of “Will You Love Me Tomorrow.” It turned out nicely, although it doesn’t have many hits. On that video, I used a lot of pictures of my dogs, who keep me sane. I noticed the YouTube guy I’ve been doing collaborations with did a version of the same song a few hours ago. I guess he was inspired.

Sometimes I feel like my dogs are my only real friends. I’m sure glad Bill and I were able to dislodge that walnut before Arran got really hurt. I’d like to keep Arran around for as long as possible. He’s such a sweet, loving, gentle dog, and he shows us every day how much he loves us. We love him right back.

If I get inspired to write again, maybe I’ll be back… but I’m feeling a little depressed today. It might be a day for reading and napping.

ETA: I just vacuumed the house, and when I went downstairs to put the vacuum away, Arran had managed to pull a small bag of treats off the counter and was trying to suck them down. Fortunately, he wasn’t successful. I guess he’s fine. Good thing these dogs are so loving and cute.

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Bill

The day my husband was full of shit…

Please pardon this second shitty post today, but my German friend just reminded me of another situation involving Bill and GoLYTELY. It was a day I really shouldn’t forget, since it was a rare occasion that involved Bill being full of shit.

I know… some people think their husbands are full of shit every day, but this time, Bill was LITERALLY full of it. I feel compelled to write about it right now, so brace yourselves.

The year was 2005. We were living in post housing on Fort Belvoir. Our house was actually not so bad for being one of the old versions. It had real wood floors, a working wood fireplace, a nice sized, functional kitchen with relatively new appliances, and a big yard. What it did not have were great bathrooms. We had one full sized hall bathroom and a half bathroom in a room that was too small to be used for much. I think I put a bunch of books in there.

I remember the one full sized bathroom had a plastic tub/shower combo that was kind of moldy, and a toilet that once backed up because of tree roots that invaded the main line. The Fort Belvoir folks had to do a rather extensive repair of some old plumbing infrastructure.

Anyway, at the time, Bill was working in Northern Virginia, I assume at the National Guard Center in Arlington. He’d been having some problems with having normal bowel movements, probably due to the high stress nature of his work. One day, he took some Imodium because he thought he had diarrhea. Later that day, called me from the medical clinic at the Pentagon, where he usually took care of his healthcare needs. He said he’d been hooked up to a nasogastric tube and an IV.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him.

“My guts are blocked up with shit and if I don’t get rid of some of it, I’m in danger of perforating my bowel.” he said.

“What?!” I exclaimed. Was my husband really a walking septic tank?

“Yeah, it turns out taking Imodium wasn’t a good idea. I was very constipated, rather than suffering from diarrhea, and the Imodium just shut everything down.” he told me.

Everyone should be grateful that I can’t recall exactly what gave him the idea that he had diarrhea. I do enjoy a good scat post, and I don’t skimp on the details. I guess some of the blockage wasn’t solid and had leaked out or something, but he came home a couple of hours later with a big bag of stuff from the pharmacy, including GoLYTELY. I remember it was a Thursday, and we usually spent our Friday nights at the officer’s club, where we’d drink Belgian beer and I’d sing karaoke songs with fellow karaoke buffs with right wing tendencies. These were in the heady days before the disaster that is Donald Trump… although it does seem appropriate that I’m mentioning Trump in a post about shit.

Yeah… this is not something I want to hear. “I’ll be right back. I gotta take a dump!” I’ve probably said that in front of a lot of people, though.

Realizing that our Friday night plans were now “shot to shit” and I would be sitting at home listening to Bill fart and crap all evening, I decided that this story would be one I can trot out whenever life gets to be too shitty. I also remember that he told me about the doctor showing him an x-ray of his colon, which was all white because it was so packed with shit. I think he needed the rest of the weekend to recuperate after the cleansing he needed that day, so I remember being kind of bummed out about it. Tee hee hee.

I suppose it’s not so often a wife can write about how full of shit her husband is and actually mean it literally. I suppose the memories of that day and night were reason enough for Bill to bring home comforting supplies like butt wipes and butt paste for his upcoming upscoping, although I don’t think the cleansing he has to undergo for his colonoscopy will be quite so dramatic.

For years after that incident, Bill religiously took Metamucil and he’s sworn off Imodium or any medication like it. I’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem to have as many problems with his bowels ever since he retired from the Army. He still works with some pretty uptight assholes sometimes, but he no longer has to make the decisions that cause shit to roll downhill… Sorry, I really can’t help myself!

I say “good on Bill” for being able to stand taking Metamucil. It makes me throw up; but then, I don’t generally have any problems unloading my shit. If you don’t believe me, keep reading my blogs.

It strikes me that Thanksgiving is a good time for Bill to be unloading all of this poop. He should be nice and clean for our trip to France at Christmas time. To my friend, Audra, I say be prepared for some exciting shit when we come visit you in Nimes next month…

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