BDSM pants…

Last week, I wrote a post about depressing Facebook ads. It was inspired by the many strange ads that wind up on my social media. Sometimes, I wonder why in the hell certain products are targeted to me. But my eyebrows really raised when I got the ad below yesterday…

Seriously? What the fuck! I saw this on my timeline and immediately felt even bitchier than usual. In what world would someone my age want to wear these things, with the bubble-like ass? They would look completely cringeworthy!

Even though my first instinct was bitchiness, something about that ad was also hilarious, so I decided to share it with the caption, “I don’t think I need to see this fucking ad anymore.” Several friends laughed with me on this, because we’re all around the same age and none of us would wear these pants. In fact, I think even when I was in my teens and early 20s, these would have looked ridiculous on me. I used to be able to rock riding pants, which are kind of tight fitting, but they aren’t all shiny and fake leathery like these. I feel like all this model needs to complete her ensemble is a bullwhip and a bottle of gin!

Why advertisers are directing these pants at me, a short, fat, almost 47 year old woman, is beyond me. Since it’s Facebook, they probably throw that ad at anyone who might be deluded enough to think they’d look good in those pants. It’s all about making money, regardless of good taste and common sense. These “yoga pants” come in a range of sizes, from XXS to 3XL. If you order two pairs, they send you a free “secret” gift. What kind of secret gift? Anal beads? Nipple clamps? How about Astro Glide?

I wonder if these BDSM “yoga pants” are on YouTube… Lemme see…

Oh my Lord, they are. Jesus Christ!

So the model is wearing sky high stiletto heels. She’s not going to be doing yoga in these. Why are they being marketed by a “yoga” store? These aren’t the same ones that were on my Facebook page, but they are made by the same company. I’m no Olivia Newton-John circa 1978.

Thinking about trying to fit my lumpy ass in these “pants” just depresses me. Apparently, “faux”, vegan, leather leggings are popular now. Or, at least they were in 2017, when this lady reviewed a range of them to everyone on YouTube.

This lady is crowing about Forever 21’s $13 fake leather leggings… made of lots of synthetic material. I’m just sitting here looking like Ted Cruz, because the idea of wearing these things in hot weather just makes me think of this classic South Park episode…
All she ever does is work! The poor minge just wants freedom from stuffy pantsuits.

Actually, having now sat through the 13 minute video on “faux, vegan, leather leggings”, I’m feeling kind of non-plussed. YouTuber Milabu reviewed leggings ranging from $13 to $188 in cost, and the most expensive ones are pretty tacky looking. She said she had to size up for the $188 Hugo Boss leggings because they didn’t have her size in stock. But the $13 Forever 21 leggings are clearly better looking than Hugo Boss’s ugly $188 ones. I guess it just goes to show that paying more doesn’t always mean you’ll get more.

I won’t be buying any faux leather leggings or yoga pants. I might buy sweat pants, but lately I don’t even want to wear those. I’ve been enjoying the nice, modest, long sleeved cotton nighties being sold by Land’s End. In fact, maybe it’s time I shopped for a couple more in a lighter color or with short sleeves.

When I was a kid, these were advertised on TV all the time. I see we’re still being pressured to wear clothes that look like shit. I love the plump lady at the end of the ad who seriously thinks she’s going to be wearing the designer jeans painted on the model. I don’t think so, Granny. Even back in the 80s, I don’t remember people walking around in this space suit.

I’m kind of surprised it’s already Friday. The week went by fast. I’m going to spend today searching for lodging in Sweden, Denmark, and northern Germany. Why? Because we’re taking a quick trip to Sweden to pick up our new Volvo. Since it’s our first Swedish car, we’re going to do the factory tour. If we were buying the car from the States, Volvo would help us plan a vacation. Alas, U.S. customers in Germany going for the military sales deal don’t get the same love. We have to buy our own plane tickets.

Volvo will put us up in a hotel for one night and pick us up at the airport, but since we have only spent a few hours in Sweden (after our very first cruise in 2009, when we disembarked in Stockholm), I wanted to stay two nights. For two nights, we’re on our own. So I’m trying to decide where to go… I’m thinking stops in Rostock and Copenhagen might work out fine. Gotta research it. I found an amazing hotel in Gothenburg that I’m dying to try. It’s very pricey, though, and I’m not sure we want to spend that much. Especially since we’re about to have car payments again.

Well, at least I won’t be spending any money on “BDSM pants”. I prefer natural fibers and a camel toe free existence. My minge likes to breathe and be free. Bill likes the fluffy version of me, anyway.