condescending twatbags, marriage, religion, social media, work

The Transformed Wife lives in a fantasy world…

Good morning, y’all. It’s a chilly Tuesday here in Deutschland, and I’ve been having a hard time deciding about today’s topic. Enter Lori Alexander, aka The Transformed Wife. She’s always good for a mental jog, followed by the need for a mental enema.

I noticed a couple of her posts were featured in Duggar Family News and decided to mosey over to Lori’s Facebook page to see what she’s up to these days. The first thing I see is a recipe for banana bread, in which she claims she’s substituted certain ingredients for “healthy” items. She writes about how she’s changed the flour and uses coconut sugar instead of regular sugar. But then she adds chocolate chips… which would presumably have SUGAR in them, unless she’s using some kind of dietetic chips, which I don’t really care to research. Banana bread isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Not when Lori posts stuff like this…

Uh… is this really realistic now? Was it realistic in the 1950s?

This looks like a depiction from a television show from the 50s or 60s, where the wife wore pearls and heels to clean house, the man had a 9 to 5 job, and they slept in twin beds. I don’t think this was ever a realistic representation of life in America. This is a Hollywood representation of American life, and it made a lot of people unhappy… because they saw an ideal on television that wasn’t achievable for them.

Lori Alexander, for those who don’t know, is a woman who has written books and blog posts about how women need to get back into the kitchen… stay home and raise babies, listen to their husbands, and read the Bible. She claims this was what women are “meant” to do with their lives, and any woman who rejects that idea is some kind of skanky harlot who lives a “sordid” lifestyle. She doesn’t seem to understand that while a lot of women want to work because they have functioning brains they’d like to use on something besides housework and child raising, quite a lot of them HAVE to work, because that’s the only way they can afford to live.

I realize that my personal situation is an exception. I don’t work outside of the house myself. I don’t have children, either. If I did have children, I’d probably go nuts trying to be a housewife. In fact, I don’t enjoy being a housewife that much, which is why I write. It’s a way to use the brain God gave me… or genetics gave me, whichever is the case. I can promise you that I don’t have a personality that would take kindly to having a husband who tells me what to do and discounts my opinions. And yet, I know there are many women who are in that situation, and either really miserable, or divorced.

Seems like Lori doesn’t care about women who are miserable, unfulfilled, unsuited to motherhood, or living in an abusive relationship with a man who thinks he has the right to do whatever he wants with no consequences whatsoever. And she posts images like the one above with the claim that this is what “feminism has killed” in our society. I say it probably didn’t exist in most families, and those who tried to make it exist sometimes made themselves sick.

Both of my grandmothers worked outside of the home. My mom’s mother worked in a dress shop. My dad’s mother raised nine children, the last of whom died when she was fourteen. She and my grandfather owned a store that they both ran. My mom worked in retail shops, played organ for churches, and when she was in her early 40s, opened her own business. Granted, she and my dad ran their business out of our house, but they were both working. I can promise you that I never ran out to greet my dad in the way it’s presented in that picture above, even when he did have a job outside of our house.

I see a lot of people commenting on Lori’s thread, saying we need to “bring this back”. I’d love to know how they propose to do that, when so many employers in the United States try to get away with paying people as little as possible with no benefits. I’d love to know what Lori thinks should be done in families where one of the members has a disability or a chronic illness, and there’s not enough money to pay the bills. I notice that her photo is literally depicting a whitebread family. Both children have blond hair, while their parents have dark hair. So what? Did Dad remarry? Are the kids adopted? The kids in the above picture don’t look much like their parents. 😀

It amazes me that in 2023, there are still people like Lori Alexander promoting this unrealistic bullshit… She never mentions that many problems that can arise in expecting every family to be like the one in that picture while ignoring the many reasons why it can’t work for everyone. I can’t even count the number of sad stories I’ve read on the Recovery from Mormonism message board by people who tried to live their lives that way, because that was what was expected of them by religious organizations.

I remember one post in particular, written by an exhausted, depressed, defeated mother who wrote about how much hard work it was to keep up with everything that was expected of her. I wish I could still find that specific post today, because it really illustrates the reality of how soulsucking it can be to be stuck in such a reality, where all you do all day is manage the mundane drudgery of running the “perfect” household… which doesn’t exist, anyway. I wonder how many women have worked themselves into an early grave trying to achieve the fantasy in the picture above, from The Transformed Wife’s Facebook page. Lori herself didn’t even achieve that.

I don’t think Lori has a good grasp on reality… but sadly, she does have a following. Lots of people follow her and take her seriously, even as so many snark on her. I obviously have nothing against women or men who want to be full-time homemakers. But it really needs to be a choice. I am a homemaker because it works for our situation. I’m not an obsessive homemaker, nor am I expected to do everything in the house. I also don’t have a passel of children to raise. But I realize not every woman would be happy doing what I do. I know many strong, intelligent, interesting women who don’t want to be mothers, and are very happy working in fulfilling careers or pursuing higher education. I know women who would literally be terrible mothers and, thankfully, have avoided marriage and child raising in favor of working outside of their homes.

I don’t think the idea of women having careers is a “radical feminist” notion, either. In today’s world, women need to be able to take care of themselves. They have to be prepared to live on their own, if need be. Not every woman is blessed with a good relationship or children who will grow up to take care of them. Telling women they need to go back into the house and stay home is taking them backwards and putting them at risk.

But mainly, I just think that the picture above is just perpetuating a myth of something that didn’t really exist in the way it’s being portrayed… Sure, there was a time when women stayed at home while men worked, but it certainly wasn’t bliss for most of them. I’m glad that, as a woman in 2023, I still have choices. I hope we never go back to the way it was before those “nasty feminists” got involved. 😉

Now… I have to close this post. I have a bunch of rugs in the washer that need to be moved to the dryer. A woman’s work is never done. /sarcasm

narcissists, psychology, Twitter

Tweeted words of wisdom and wackiness…

Good morning, folks. It’s still dark outside on this fall morning, as I prepare to pack a bag for five nights in the Schwarzwald. I am doing a load of laundry before we go, which gives me time to write a blog post before we load up the dogs and take them to the Hundepension. I will worry about Arran the whole time we’re gone, even though we’ve taken trips in the past when we’ve had dogs with cancer. The first time we lived in Germany, our late dog Flea had prostate cancer that was supposed to kill him within weeks. He lasted four months after he was diagnosed. I have a feeling Arran is going to be more like Flea than Zane, who lasted just one week after we found out about his cancer. Arran is slower than usual, and less interested in food, but he still wants to take walks and give and receive love. He still eats, too. It just takes him longer, and he’s a bit more finicky.

Last night, we were hanging out after dinner, and I decided to see what Ex was up to. Lately, I’ve had less to write about her, because there have been other things on my mind. But I do watch her from afar, because as we learned last spring, she’s got no shame about hitting up people in Bill’s family for money and other resources. I try not to spend much time surveilling her, though, because frankly, she doesn’t merit the attention… even though she posts things that leave me utterly dumbfounded.

I feel quite certain that Ex is a full blown narcissist, and narcissists are famously blind to themselves and their own hypocrisy. They also like to build a believable facade for the unwary. And sure enough, that’s what Ex is doing now.

Last night, I saw that she had responded to someone on Twitter who posted that “Donald Trump is finished.” I would love that to be true, although I don’t think it is. Trump will be finished when he’s dead.

Another person posted about how we’re all letting Trump “live rent free in our heads.” That’s when Ex decided to jump in with this comment:

I agree with this… bullies don’t remember the people they bullied. So if you forget the bully, he has no power. However, preventing him from bullying others, is a responsibility we all bear.

I wonder if she realizes just how incredibly tone deaf her comment is. You see, Ex is a bully herself. I can personally attest to the awful things she’s done to my husband, his family, and her children to get what she wants. She can express pretty words that sound right, but to those of us who have been on the receiving end of her antics, it just sounds like pure bullshit.

This is a woman who forces her children to divorce their fathers and change their surnames when she remarries. This is a woman who destroyed my husband’s relationships with his daughters, because she wanted to punish him more than she wanted her daughters to have access to both parents. This is a woman who made Bill’s daughters drop out of high school and get student loans, so she could skim the excess money for her own purposes. Then it was on them to pay back the loans. She is a bully, and a massive hypocrite. But at least she understands some basic psychology that pertains to bullies.

Someone else advised the original poster not to get his hopes up about Trump being finished. The person indicated that Trump always lands on his feet. And ex’s response was this:

Nope. Got it wrong there. He’s been coated in Teflon in the past, but as with all Teflon skillets, he’s worn through non-stick ability scratching too hard at the surface looking for purchase. There is no need to discuss him anymore. He is irrelevant. Abbott & DeSantos? Criminals!

Hmmm… she would know about Teflon. And she will also become irrelevant, as her last child becomes an adult.

Against my better judgment, I kept reading. Hey… giving her that narcissistic supply that she so desperately needs. She doesn’t seem to realize that she has some things in common with Trump. And that’s when her Twitter feed became absolutely rotten.

First, there were birthday greetings to Mark Hamill, who was apparently distraught at becoming older…

I honestly don’t know, since I don’t follow Mark Hamill at all. I don’t care about Star Wars, though I know Ex is a big fan. Anyway, this is what Ex wrote:

I meant to say “your tears with mine.” I think I was too deep emotionally in the moment to get it right…

“Deep emotionally in the moment”? Because Mark Hamill had a birthday? Or because the voices in her head are all warped again? Who knows…

Then there was a tweet about Queen Elizabeth’s death. The tweet was made on September 8, but Ex replied yesterday with this…

I’m a yank now but a citizen of the Scotland through my bloodlines. My whole life, Her Majesty has been there, elegant, beautiful, humble, endearing… I will miss her so much. She is truly a singularity in our world, can never be replaced and must NEVER be forgotten.

When she was married to Bill, she was obsessed with Diana, Princess of Wales. But now the Queen was her rock? But it gets even more rotten as Ex falls down the rabbit hole of pretending to be someone and something she’s not. Someone else tweeted about Outlander, another show Ex likes. She responds thusly:

I dream of it because they’re my ancestors. I dream that perhaps my ancestors would welcome me to the fold and be my family where their progeny has failed me. I’m left longing for Scotland… to walk where they trod, to live where they lived. It may sound silly, but it’s my dream.

I have felt so very alone my whole life. The bastard child of a couple that adopted me out to a dysfunctional family. I hurt in so many ways. I found my birth family and was rejected by them. I’ve always felt that I am not of any value to anyone. Hence, the therapist in my life.

Someone gives her a little supply by writing that she’s a “child of God” and an amazing lady.

Funny… because when I met Bill, he was completely broke, due to her outrageous spending habits. She demanded a divorce over Easter 2000, while they– including the kids– were staying at Bill’s father’s house. At the time, she was trying to claim his family as her own, pushing Bill out into the cold in an effort to get him to conform to her demands. She didn’t know that he had allies, and a year later, we would be officially a couple. Bill and I have been to Scotland four times, because I have Scottish ancestry, too 😉 . Ex continues, responding to the woman who comforted her with supply:

Im sorry! I didn’t know you then but it is certainly my pleasure to meet you now. They give me what I’ve never had: a real, albeit fictional, multi-generational family. I’m descended of Frasers du Lovat so it’s especially wonderful for me to dream of what it would be like.

How does Ex even know who her ancestors are? It sounds like a fabrication to me. And that becomes even clearer later in her Twitter confessional, as she responds to Liz Cheney’s announcement that she will do all she can to prevent Kari Lake from winning in Arizona.

I am so pleased. I know that matters little to you, but hear me out. My father was a staunch Republican. He, too, would be proud of the way you have handled yourself if he were alive today. I am not Republican anymore, but I admire you greatly for doing the right thing.

Which father would that be? Her bio father? Her adoptive father whom she didn’t meet until she was seven years old? Her stepfather, who sexually abused her? My guess is that she means her adoptive father, who was absent and neglectful, but at least he wasn’t a pervert. Continuing about Liz Cheney:

She’s the daughter and progeny of one of the most Republican people to live in my lifetime. Dick Cheney didn’t raise a dummy. He raised a woman of conscience.

I’m beginning to think that a lot of Republicans are, in fact, dummies. At least the ones who are embracing the MAGA mindset are.

There’s more fawning over Sam Heughan…

How can I attend “A Night in Edinburg” virtually… I will google it, but if you know you know and could also share!! Thanks!!

If only I wasn’t an ocean away, I’d be there.

I did the same! I want an autographed in person copy!!! Sam, please come to New England? I’m in NH but could come to Boston!! (she’s referring to a book that was put out by Heughan– so much for the therapy dog for her son)

This is awesome, Sam. I wish you had a SO sharing these amazing adventures. I’m not a contender, except as a true friend if ever allowed to be, Coach. Know this, there’s not a human being alive who could resist sharing your committed, amazing life w’ you. Have your pick!

And more fawning over Mark Hamill:

You probably have a ‘no politics supporting’ rule to keep you from being inundated. This, Master, qualifies as time to leave that island and be the influencer of all influencers… if only for a moment and if only for our anti-FG battalion? We all are doing our part.

And finally, more fawning over her father:

Oh sweetheart!! You are a fortunate girl!!! Advice from one who lost her daddy far too young: CELEBRATE EVERY DAY!! Just make up an excuse, bake a cake or pie & TADA you’ve made today a celebration of today!! Spend time, share joy & pain, laughter & tears. Cherish every MOMENT!

She wasn’t all that close to him. She fabricated a fantasy, as he was at sea all the time. When he was home, he basically ignored her. This is all a bunch of bullshit put out for strangers on Twitter. Why she feels compelled to do this, I don’t know. And while the circumstances of her birth are unfortunate– being a “bastard child” and all– it seems to me that the better thing to do is focus on things one can control. She can’t help being the product of an affair who was brought up by “dysfunctional parents” (didn’t most of us have dysfunctional childhoods?) What she can help is how she behaves now. She can control the present, but she won’t. It’s easier to engage in delusions of grandeur and appropriate other people’s characteristics than work with what she’s already got within herself.

It seems to me that it would be better to be genuine, and focus on real people offline, than trying to charm strangers on Twitter. But that’s just my take, and God knows she would never take advice from me. According to her, I am a “homewrecking whore” who stole her ex husband (which, for those of you who don’t know me, is NOT true at all. I didn’t even meet Bill in person until almost a year after their divorce was final– meanwhile, she was shacking up with #3 in the house Bill was paying mortgage on.)

I know that posting this stuff may seem “mean”. I don’t really care, at this point. I’ve watched this woman work for 20 years. She is destructive and delusional. I’m the mean one, though, because I don’t give her a pass for doing the mean and terrible things she does to real life people, rather than celebrities who help shape her fantasy world.