controversies, modern problems, YouTube

Anal retentive school administrator in Hinds County shows her ass over “buttiful” children’s book…

The featured photo is a screenshot from the excellent YouTube video by Lindsay Out Loud, who expertly read this book aloud on YouTube.

This is a great book! Author! Author!

Educator and father, Toby Rice, used to be the assistant principal at Gary Roads Elementary School in Hinds County, Mississippi. Today, he’s no longer employed at the school. What caused Rice to lose his job? He ran afoul of the district superintendent, Delesicia Martin, who took exception to Rice’s decision to read what she considered an “inappropriate” book to a bunch of second graders.

The trouble started on March 2, 2022. It was Read Across America week, and in honor of the annual event, approximately 240 second graders in Hinds County were to be read a book by one of the school administrators. But the administrator who was supposed to read to the kids had forgotten it was her turn to read aloud on Zoom. So Toby Rice, who has twenty years of experience as an educator, filled in at the last minute. He read Dawn McMillan’s 2012 book, “I Need a New Butt!”

I dedicate this “buttiful” song by Eddie Murphy to all of the anal retentive assholes in Hinds County…

Mr. Rice had read the book at a previous school where he had been principal. The father of three also read it to his own children, who counted the book as one of their favorites. The kids who heard Mr. Rice read “I Need a New Butt” in Hinds County were also delighted by the book, which is about a boy who decides he needs a new butt after seeing that his butt has a crack in it and thinking it’s broken.

Sadly, humor challenged administrators in Hinds County were offended by Price’s book choice for the literacy promotion event. Fifteen minutes after Mr. Price read the book to the kids, he was called to his principal’s office. The principal told Price that he shouldn’t have read that book and that parents would probably complain. And then, Price was told that the superintendent wanted to see Price “immediately”. According to the Washington Post:

“They kind of just let me have it,” Price said. “She said, ‘Is this the kind of thing you find funny and silly? Fart and butt and bulletproof butts?’ And I said, ‘Yeah, I did until I walked in.’ ”

Two days later, Mr. Price was fired. According to the termination letter Mr. Price received from the evidently “butthurt” school superintendent, Delescia Martin, Mr. Price violated the Mississippi Educator Code of Ethics, Standards of Conduct. Below is a screenshot of the portion Mr. Price’s termination letter regarding why he was fired. The entire letter can be found here.

Some people got their knickers in a twist…

Regular readers know that I don’t have children. I also don’t live in Mississippi. I would not choose to live in Mississippi, because it is a place consistently placed at the BOTTOM (see what I did there) of many important “quality of life” listings. Public school education is one area where Mississippi regularly ranks at the BOTTOM. According to the US News and World Report, Mississippi is DEAD LAST in state healthcare rankings. Given that Mississippi is often placed “dead ass last” in so many “quality of life” rankings, is it any wonder that a superintendent would get sand in her undies over an educator reading a book that mentions farts and butt cracks? Of course, opinions are like assholes; everybody has one, and everyone thinks everyone else’s stinks. But I am of the opinion that Mississippi is close to the “bowels” of the United States, and “shitty” news stories like this one do little to sway my views.

Something really stinks about this…

I am a big fan of “inappropriate humor”, so if I had children who attended school in Hinds County, I would probably routinely “crack” lots of jokes about butts. I mean– it’s “HINDS County”, for pity’s sake. Where else would it be so funny to read a children’s book about butts? But in all seriousness, as Mr. Rice pointed out, there are a lot of “reluctant readers” in that county. According to Data USA, there are also a lot of poor people in Hinds County. In 2019, 21.3% of the county’s residents lived at or below the poverty line. Mr. Price said that a lot of students in Hinds County rely on free or reduced price school lunches, which makes teaching literacy especially important.

Many kids LOVE funny books with inappropriate “body” humor in them. A book like “I Need a New Butt” might be just the thing a young, beginner, “reluctant reader” needs to get hooked on reading, instead of more harmful things, like drugs and alcohol. Moreover, the book is marketed for children between the ages of 6 and 10. Second graders are usually about 7 years old, so this book was written expressly for them.

It sounds to me like the administrators in Hinds County allowed their personal preferences to dictate what is, and what is not, appropriate reading material for children. This book is very popular, and is used by educators and parents all over the country and, in fact, even worldwide. Below is a video posted by The Scottish Granny, who is reading a slightly altered version of Dawn McMillan’s book titled “I Need a New Bum”.

Look at her! She’s having a right good laugh at all the arse humor… How could anyone fault her for bonding with her grandchild over a funny book like this? Is this “inappropriate”? That child is a lot younger than seven.

We’re living in very serious times right now. We could all use a good laugh. Kids today have to face so many awful things– war, pandemics, political nightmares, school shootings, inflation, and the list goes on and on. Do the administrators of Hinds County really believe that reading a funny book about butts– which EVERYONE can relate to, because we all poop and fart, and the vast majority of us have cracks in our butts– is the worst thing a teacher or school administrator can do? Can Hinds County really AFFORD to lose an experienced educator who cares about children as much as Mr. Price obviously does?

Delescia Martin and her ilk may be educators, but I really think firing Mr. Price was a very shortsighted and decidedly *uneducated* decision. Now, if Mr. Price had read a book like Beavis and Butt-head’s This Book Sucks to the children, I might be more understanding about the decision to fire him for being “inappropriate”. But lots of excellent children’s books are about universal experiences that we all face– even unpleasant or unsavory topics like pooping and farting. Remember the popular children’s book, Everyone Poops? It was marketed to children aged 0 to 3 and is highly regarded as an excellent book for teaching potty training. As a matter of fact, a quick look at Amazon shows me that there are many other children’s books about pooping available. I don’t see how Dawn McMillan’s funny book about needing a new butt because of a “crack” in it is any more scandalous than a book like “It Hurts When I Poop”, by Howard J. Bennett, MD and illustrated by M.S. (Michael) Weber. And yet, that book also gets high marks from (probably) very grateful parents who use them to teach their children about life.

The people of Hinds County are definitely ready to give the administration a good figurative public spanking…

I read today that Mr. Price has retained a lawyer and will be fighting to get his job back. There is an appeal hearing scheduled for March 21, and a GoFundMe campaigned has raised over $100,000 to help Mr. Price plead his case to get reinstated. Above is one grandmother’s post on Gary Roads Elementary School’s Facebook page. Obviously, a lot of parents and grandparents are concerned and involved; quite a few of them would like to see the assistant principal be rehired. I would certainly hope that other school districts have taken notice of this case, especially if they need an experienced and dedicated educator who obviously knows and cares what children like. My many teacher friends tell me that teaching has been especially difficult lately, and a lot of well-trained and talented people are leaving the profession or not going into teaching at all. I’ll ask again. Can Hinds County really afford to lose Mr. Price?

Between this story and the one involving McMinn County in Tennessee and their stupid decision to ban the excellent book, Maus, I’m actually feeling kind of glad I don’t have any children to worry about. But I do have stepgrandchildren now, I really hope the education administrators in the United States remove their heads from their asses before younger daughter’s children begin their educational careers. And I’m also glad that I, myself, grew up in a less ridiculous time. I feel like a lot of people in the United States could collectively use a mental enema.

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book reviews

Repost: Toilet Yoga: (Because Sometimes Sh*t Doesn’t Happen)…

One more book review repost. This one was done for Epinions.com in 2012. It was quite popular, so I’m saving it for posterity.

Constipated? Try a few of these exercises on the throne…

Not long ago, I was watching The Doctors, a daytime health based talk show.  One of the show’s hosts was talking about constipation and mentioned a brand new book called Toilet Yoga: Because Sometimes Sh*t Doesn’t Happen (2011).  Written by John Johnston and illustrated by Jeff Tow, this is a hilarious but helpful book for people who are trying in vain to take a decent crap.  Okay… so my hero, the late George Carlin, once famously commented that you don’t take a crap, you leave one… but when you’re constipated, either taking or leaving a crap can be very hard work!

How this book came to be written

At the beginning of ToiletYoga, author John Johnston explains that when it comes to the bathroom, he and his wife Abbey Jo have an “open door policy”.  One day, she came into the bathroom and observed her husband doing some peculiar stretches, “trying to drop the kids off at the pool”.  After observing his wife almost bust a gut laughing, John Johnston’s idea for a brand new kind of self-help book was born!

Are the moves in this book actual yoga moves?

Frankly, no, these moves are not actual yoga moves.  And the author is neither a fitness expert nor a trained athlete.  He’s just a guy who has spent a lot of time on the toilet, trying to evacuate his bowels.  He is careful to explain all of this at the beginning of the book and remind his readers that they try these moves at their own risk.

How is this book laid out?

There are fifteen poses in Toilet Yoga.  Each pose is described in print and illustrated.  Each pose is also assigned a difficulty rating depicted in toilets.  For instance, the first move is called “Good Morning Sunshine”.  It has been assigned a difficulty rating of one toilet.  Look to the left, and you see a yellow pile of poo.  That’s the “steaming insight icon”, which gives you extra information about the move.  On the right side of the page, there are illustrations that show how to do the “Good Morning Sunshine” move, an easy way to get things moving first thing in the morning.

By contrast, a much more advanced move is the “Tightrope Walker”, which is assigned five toilets on the difficulty scale.  Indeed, this particular move looks very complicated and is not one I’d want to try at home!

Do these exercises work? 

They might work for you.  I notice that they mostly involve sitting on the toilet.  When I need to “get things going”, I find it more effective to stand up and move around, giving gravity a chance to work and unkinking the works that lead down to the colon.  One thing that fans of western toilets might not know is that taking a dump is actually a lot harder when you sit.  If you really want an efficient method of pooping, you need to squat.  But most Americans and Europeans would rather sit to sh*t, which is partly why so many of us have trouble going when we need to.

Johnston does not address any of the actual physical reasons why assuming certain poses might make pooping easier.  In fact, he focuses only on his stretches and moves.  That’s why this book is only a mere 34 pages.  And it takes only minutes to read, because the print is in a generously sized font, which might make it easier to read if your eyes are teary from straining.

Buying this book helps humanity…

The people who brought you Toilet Yoga care about the world.  That’s why ten percent of all profits from the sale of their book will be donated to Toilet Twinning, a charity that builds clean, safe, sanitary facilities to the millions of people in the world who don’t have access to toilets.  This may seem like a goofy thing to raise money for, but considering that so many children around the world die of diarrheal diseases every year, it’s actually a very worthy public health effort.  It may be hard for those of us fortunate enough to live in a wealthy country to believe, but diarrhea really does kill.

This book is currently topical for my husband

It so happens that my dear husband, Bill, has really been suffering this week, trying to take a proper dump.  He occasionally suffers from a touch of inflammatory bowel syndrome (IBS).  When I handed him this book last night, he got a huge smile on his face.  I have a feeling Toilet Yoga will soon be occupying a place in our bathroom.

Overall

Toilet Yoga is a funny book.  It may or may not be helpful in loosening your bowels, but it’s definitely fun to read.  Priced at $11.99, it’s not an inexpensive read, especially considering it only consists of 34 pages.  But if you need a laugh and are in need of some handy toileting advice, Toilet Yoga might be just the thing to read.

As an Amazon Associate, I get a small commission from Amazon on items sold through my site.

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