memories, mental health, music, psychology, sex, videos, YouTube

“Magazine pages”, and drinking and downloading…

Today’s post may be triggering for some readers. At the end of the post, I discuss Josh Duggar, which could trigger anyone decent. Proceed at your own risk.

I have a huge collection of music on iTunes, and I usually set my HomePod to stream whatever’s in my collection of many thousands of songs. Consequently, there’s no telling what we’ll hear on a given evening. Sometimes, we hear classical music. Sometimes we hear country or bluegrass or rock… or really shitty songs from the 70s and 80s. I also have a pretty good collection of indie artists, or even just people I’ve heard on YouTube and liked. I have a habit of drinking and downloading music, but I sometimes also hear something on TV and get so impressed that I’ll seek out the song online and download the whole album it came from, never previously heard. I have found some great stuff using that method. Oftentimes, it leads to me buying a whole catalog from an artist. Then I share my finds with my other music geek friends, like Andrew.

A couple of nights ago, Bill and I were sitting in the living room, listening to music. A song came on the HomePod that made me stop in my tracks. Those of you who hang out on Facebook might be familiar with this artist, whose video went viral a couple of years ago. Check this out.

A most entertaining song. I liked it enough to buy the album.

The song above is called “I’ve No More… to Give”. It’s by Thomas Benjamin Wild, Esq. and features Damian Clark. Naturally, I related to the song and enjoyed the lyrics. I thought the melody was catchy and well played. I enjoyed the performance enough that off I went to iTunes and downloaded Mr. Wild’s album. Since then, a few other songs have played, including the one below…

I can relate to this song… although my dogs don’t attract weirdos. Maybe it’s because I’m a weirdo myself.

This song cracks me up because I relate on many levels. I’m a wino… and I’m a weirdo… and I’ve had some awkward encounters while walking the dogs. What’s really awkward is when I have a dog who either wants to hump another dog or another dog tries to hump him. I used to have a very tiny but alpha beagle who would hump anything. I couldn’t take him to events involving other dogs, because I’d invariably get dirty looks from other dog owners as Flea tried to have his way… Likewise, now I have Arran, who isn’t a humper, but other dogs have tried to hump him. On occasion, humping dogs come away from their encounter nursing a bite. No means no. But as far as awkward human encounters, I would say we don’t have that many. I try to maintain a resting bitch face when I’m walking the dogs, so I don’t have to show off my poor German skills or listen to someone yell at me.

But neither of these songs are what has inspired today’s windy Thursday morning post. Today’s post is inspired by Thomas Benjamin Wild’s song, “Magazine Pages.” Here’s the video…

As Bill and I were listening to this song the other night, we both realized that we had this experience in common…

This song is about how, as young lads, Mr. Wild and his friends found “magazine pages” discarded in the woods. As I listened to this song, I was suddenly reminded that I had a similar experience when I was about twelve. The year was 1984, and I was riding home from the barn on my ten speed bike. As I sped past an area I traveled back and forth on many times as a pre-teen, I noticed a stack of magazines. Being a curious sort, I picked them up and brought them home to look at them. They were… “men’s magazines”.

Now, this was not the first time I’d seen such material, thanks to the neighborhood pervert, who lived across the dirt road from us. From the ages of nine or ten, this man was sharing his treasure trove of Playboys, Hustlers, and Penthouses with me as I hung out with him in his apartment. You might wonder what I was doing hanging out with this guy. As an adult, I wonder, too. All I can come up with is that he paid attention to me and was nice. He was a friend of my parents’, went to our church, and let me help him in his garden, which always put out tons of produce. He taught me about golf and softball and took me to games, the movies, and even the beach once. He never did anything forbidden to me or showed me anything private on his own body, but he did share his magazines and books with me and he made lewd comments.

I didn’t realize until I was much older, and in therapy, that what he did was abusive. In fact, my therapist said he thought our neighbor probably should have been in prison. I don’t know about that… I never told anyone at the time. I do know that he also used to hang out with my neighbor, who was a year older than me, blonde, and lacking a father figure, since her dad had Huntington’s Disease and was hospitalized. He paid a lot of attention to her, but it would not surprise me if he also exposed her to the same things he exposed me to. In her case, it might have been even worse. But I can’t ask her about that now, because she went on to develop Huntington’s Disease herself, and died about ten years ago.

Anyway, because of that experience, and because I had free license to watch anything I wanted to on cable TV, I wasn’t completely shocked when I found the pile of magazines. But when I heard the above song, I wondered if this was something a lot of kids go through. Or, at least, I wondered if people my age had this experience. So I asked Bill. He laughed and said that yes, he had , in fact, had a similar experience. It involved an uncle of his who had lent his car to Bill’s mom. The car got a flat tire, so they had to get the spare out of the trunk. That’s where Bill found his uncle’s stash of magazines. It made an immediate… uh… impression on him.

I probably shouldn’t say that I had “free license” to watch what I wanted on TV. I know my dad, for instance, would occasionally catch me watching George Carlin or Richard Pryor, and he’d lecture me. One time, he caught me watching what would probably be considered a soft porn film on The Movie Channel. Should I have been watching it? Probably not, although it was on cable and my parents didn’t monitor what I viewed on cable TV. I was their fourth kid and I think they were just really tired of raising kids by the time I came along.

I got away with all kinds of stuff I probably shouldn’t have, and I was exposed to a lot of things that would probably get CPS called on the parents of today. My mom was a lot more lenient about what I was allowed to watch and read, but the truth is, neither of my parents paid much attention to what I was doing. And so, as a young girl, I was exposed to “magazine pages” in the woods, just as Thomas Benjamin Wild, Esq. was… and just as Bill was. The 1970s and 80s were a weird time to be a kid, although I think I would prefer that time to this time. I do not envy the children of today at all.

So I went and looked at the comments on the above YouTube video and noticed that, apparently, finding random porn in the woods is a common experience, especially for boys. I notice that many of the commenters say that this was common, twenty or thirty years ago. Clearly, it happened to Bill and me… and I seem to remember my sister telling me that one time, she found a porn stash kept by one of our male relatives. My sister said finding that stash forever changed her image of him. I didn’t care about it so much when she told me, but then years later, I learned that he cheated on his wife… and then I realized that his son, who was two years older than I was, engaged in some inappropriate stuff that might have been influenced by his dad’s stash. Also… he and the neighborhood pervert both had very respectable jobs. My relative, for instance, was so well-regarded that he has a stadium named after him.

I’ll tell you what else brings up this topic today… I’m listening to Katie Joy’s latest live stream, and she mentioned that Josh Duggar was exposed to “magazine pages” when he was about eight years old. At about the 9 minute mark of the below video, Katie Joy explains that when he was eight, Josh was helping his dad clean out a car. Jim Bob was, at the time, selling used cars (figures). In the car they were cleaning out, there was a box of “adult magazines”. Naturally, Josh saw it, and it was stuff he definitely shouldn’t have seen as an eight year old. And according to Katie Joy’s “source”, this exposure to “adult material” really left an impression on him.

At the nine minute mark, we learn that Josh Duggar might have been exposed to “magazine pages” as an 8 year old.

If the story Katie Joy is telling is true, then it makes sense that Josh grew up with some warped ideas about sex and women. Because I highly doubt his parents took the time to talk to Josh about those “magazine pages”. I’m sure if he was caught with them, he got a good ass tanning in the prayer closet and hard labor, rather than a calm and rational discussion about looking at “magazine pages”. Couple that with Josh Duggar growing up in a very restrictive and punitive religious cult, and the constant shaming, emphasis on avoiding sin and temptation, and warnings about Hell that he no doubt heard, and it kind of makes sense that Josh would be pretty fucked up. Also couple that with the idea that Josh, as the oldest child in a huge family, was probably expected to do a lot of things that weren’t appropriate for his age.

NONE OF THAT, IN ANY WAY, EXCUSES HIM FOR BEING A PERVERT, nor does it mean that he’s not a danger to other people– especially children– today. Especially since it’s clear that a lot of us also saw that kind of stuff when we were children and most of us didn’t turn into abusive perverts. But if what Katie Joy says is true, it could offer an explanation of sorts. I think in Josh’s case, there was a perfect storm of fuckery that may have led him to where he is in 2021… and where he’s very likely to be in 2022, and for years beyond.

I do think Josh Duggar is going to go to prison, and I think he will probably be there for a long time. And I don’t think that would be a bad thing, since Josh has repeatedly shown the world that he has some pretty serious problems that he’s never dealt with. He definitely puts vulnerable people at risk. But… at the same time, I do think that the adults in his life failed him when he was growing up. He obviously needed competent help from a mental health professional when he was a boy, and he never got that. And that’s on his parents, even though I don’t usually think that parents necessarily should be blamed for everything bad their children do. I think there were many red flags and signs that Josh needed some help. His parents, evidently, either ignored the signs or addressed them in inappropriate ways.

Of course, I am speculating, and I could be totally wrong about this. Josh might have simply been a bad seed who would have turned out this way regardless. There’s no way to know. But I do think that finding a box of “magazine pages” as an eight year old, looking at that stuff, and then having to keep it totally secret, or risk serious reprisals involving threats of spending eternity in a lake of fire, could have done some severe damage to Josh’s psyche.

It will be interesting to see what happens when this trial starts at the end of next month. I don’t think Josh was smart to reject the plea deal. I suspect he will really regret taking this chance. But he probably believes it’s in God’s hands… and he’s always gotten away with his perversions with no real consequences up until now. He may even think he’s one of God’s chosen and all he has to do is pray a lot. Who the hell knows?

I feel sad for Josh’s children. No matter what happens, they have to live with the fact that their father is a well-known “sex pest”. And despite the shiny image that was put out by the Duggar Family for many years, the truth is, the family is pretty fucked up… and it’s all on a worldwide stage for everyone to see and judge. I think Josh’s kids, especially the boys, are going to face a difficult future. Much of this is because of Jim Bob Duggar’s need to be in the spotlight, lust for power and money, and lack of responsibility for taking care of his children and seeing to their mental health. And, of course, Michelle Duggar bears responsibility for not doing her part to take care of Josh… or her other children, for that matter.

Anyway… this was supposed to be a lighter post than it turned out to be. I was going to keep it funny… but I started to listening to Katie Joy’s live stream, and it occurred to me that Josh’s issues are relevant. Maybe I should feel fortunate that those “magazine pages” didn’t do more harm to me. I’ll be very surprised if Josh isn’t behind bars very soon.

For those who also like Thomas Benjamin Wild Esq.’s music… As an Amazon Associate, I get a small commission from Amazon on sales made through my site.

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condescending twatbags, fake news, music, politics, poor judgment, stupid people

A profane downloading frenzy I engaged in after reading about Mike Lindell, the My Pillow Guy…

Today’s post is full of profanity. Proceed with caution. Also, it’s true that yesterday was National Kool-Aid Day. Go figure!

I have a very strange sense of humor sometimes. I find the oddest things funny. Or, I will laugh uproariously for hours over something dumb. Sometimes dumb shit will make me do things that are kind of odd. Such was the case yesterday.

Several years ago, when I was still living in the house from hell, I made an iTunes list I call “Fuck you”. It basically consists of songs in my library that are profane. Not all of the songs in that playlist have the word “fuck” in the title, but an awful lot of them do. I probably felt compelled to make the playlist after being yelled at and blamed, once again, by our ex landlady. By the way, I see in my Facebook memories that it was seven years ago today that we decided to move into her hovel. This was what I had to say about that…

Notice how I put “delightful” in quotes. Even then, I had a feeling. This is a lesson to the wise– to listen to your gut. I knew it was an act even then– in spite of her efforts to put her best face forward.

Anyway, as I was reading about Mike Lindell’s legal problems, thanks to his decision to meddle in the elections, I was inspired to re-visit that playlist. I went on an iTunes downloading binge, buying songs entitled “Fuck that guy.” Because that’s what I had to say about Mike Lindell. Seriously? Fuck that guy. Fuck him!

Fuck that guy!

Mike Lindell is probably about to be sued for defamation by Dominion Voting Systems. Dominion has accused Mr. Lindell of spreading ridiculous lies and reckless untruths about the company and its voting machines. This week, a judge has agreed that Mr. Lindell has “made his claims knowing that they were false or with reckless disregard for the truth.

Lindell also promised that by yesterday, Joe Biden would voluntarily step aside and allow Trump to be reinstated after he proved that China interfered in the 2020 Presidential Election. Of course, not only did that not happen, but it wasn’t fucking true. Moreover, what Lindell was proposing, and stirring up the MAGA folks about, was a literal impossibility in the way our government is run. Even if Joe Biden stepped aside, that wouldn’t have necessarily meant Trump would be reinstated.

Mike Lindell isn’t a particularly good student of history, is he? He’s not the first person to predict “end times” by setting a specific date and time for the world to end or some other catastrophic and earth shattering event to occur. It’s never worked out that way for any other group or individual. They say something big will happen on such and such a date, and it never does. And then the person or group looks like an even bigger asshole than they already are. As you can see, Lindell’s predictions did NOT come to pass. How many people are shocked? I’m sure not.

I might be able to laugh about all of this, except that idiots like Mike Lindell stir up all the crackpots in America… the conspiracy theorists and conservative whackjobs who aren’t afraid to be violent to try to stir up trouble. And so, the people who have to deal with the masses, who get wound up over the absurd idea that Trump could be reinstated, spend the whole summer on edge, waiting for the shoe to drop. So seriously? Fuck that guy.

I ended up downloading five different songs called “Fuck That Guy”. They range in quality. I’m currently listening to an album called Wreckless Abandon by a band called The Dirty Knobs— turns out it’s Mike Campbell’s band. I had never heard of them before yesterday, and in fact, didn’t even listen to a sample of their music before I bought their album. So far, of all the “Fuck That Guy” songs I downloaded yesterday, I like theirs the best. I also like their album. It’s pretty good…

Where have they been all my life? Heh heh… well, actually, since this is Mike Campbell’s band, they’ve been around. Mike Campbell is best known as Tom Petty’s right hand man in the Heartbreakers. No wonder I like them!

The above song is pretty good, too… because it’s basically about COVID-19 deniers and fucking inconsiderate dickheads who have no regard for other people. Mike Lindell is definitely on the list of guys who need to go get fucked. And I find listening to this song very satisfying.

This is another one I downloaded. It’s not bad, but it kind of pales with Mike Campbell’s song.

I am so tired of obstructionists. I wish people would just cooperate. I’m tired of greedy, selfish, inconsiderate, and rude people who try to get over and are more interested in money and power than making things better for everybody. Mike Lindell is at the top of the list of people who need to get fucked. I don’t know anything about his pillows. I’ve heard they suck… but even if they were the greatest pillows available, I wouldn’t buy one. Because the man who makes them is someone who needs to fuck off and quit interfering with U.S. politics. He’s like a “dry drunk”… maybe he’s not using substances anymore, but he acts like he still is. Lindell’s symposium event was bizarre and stupid, and it seems to be more about selling products than proving election fraud. I’m confident that Dominion is going to clean Mike Lindell’s proverbial clock in court. And I look forward to watching it.

I don’t usually advertise albums, but this one is a good one. Should you choose to make a purchase through the above Amazon link, I will get a small commission from Amazon. Let’s hear it for drunken downloads, especially when they’re profane.

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humor, music

All-beef Patty…

This has been a pretty low key Labor Day weekend. We usually try to go away when we have long weekends, and Labor Day is prime traveling time. We haven’t been on a Labor Day trip since 2018 because last year, we lost Zane over Labor Day weekend, and this year, there’s COVID-19, our recent big trip to Austria, Italy, and Switzerland, travel shaming (although none of my “friends” are brave enough to shame me yet), and the fact that Bill needs to build up more leave. Also, we’re hoping to have a new dog soon, and acquiring him will probably require some time off for Bill.

I did try to find somewhere close for us to go, as all of the formerly “safe” countries around us were turning red on the COVID-19 tracing map. But then it just seemed like a big hassle and expense that I didn’t care that much about. So I gave up looking, and settled in for a long weekend at home. I think today, we may venture to a store to see if we can find chairs for our TV room. On the other hand, going into the IKEA, especially while wearing a mask, is not very appealing to me. I hate IKEA under the best of circumstances. I don’t really like the Scandinavian style, the fact that we have to assemble everything, and the massive crowds of people in there– or the way people get herded through the show room. There are other furniture stores in Germany, of course. Maybe we’ll find one of those.

Anyway… sometime yesterday afternoon, after I’d done my guitar practicing for the morning and written a blog post, I headed downstairs. Bill was out back, sweeping the steps to the basement. Our house, like a lot of German houses, has a “mother-in-law” apartment, and there’s a separate entrance through steps to the basement. We have a tall fence around the backyard, though, so we never go in and out that way. The steps were full of detritus blown there by the wind. We also did some minor garden maintenance. Bill pulled up some very undeveloped carrots and picked some of the parsley he grew. Our zucchini plant was the big producer this year, and I don’t like zucchini all that much.

Then Bill made dinner. I had the music going, and while I was sitting there, I heard the opening strains of the song “Starfucker” by a duo called Folk Uke. Folk Uke consists of Amy Nelson and Cathy Guthrie. They are the daughters of Willie Nelson and Arlo Guthrie. They are also hilarious. One of my favorite songs by them is called “Shit Makes the Flowers Grow”.

Simple melodies, irreverent lyrics, and lots of cussing. My kind of music and my motto for living.

I didn’t hear “Shit Makes the Flowers Grow” yesterday, but I did get a mighty kick out of “Starfucker”.

Kind of a similar melody, with easy chords. I probably could play this myself.

The lyrics to this are just classic. Check them out…

[Verse 1]
They call her All-Beef Patty
She’s got her eye on my daddy
She’s comin’ at him like a trucker
She’s a starfucker

[Verse 2]
I’ve been trampled by the tramps
They’re not wearing any underpants
Ooh yuckers
Starfuckers

[Chorus]
Aim for the stars
Aim for the stars
Aim for the stars

[Verse 3]
Well, they’re trying hard to charm me
But they frighten and alarm me
They’re the salivation army
A bunch of starfuckers

[Verse 4]
And when you wish upon a star
Well, it makes a difference who they are
And you hope that they’re a sucker
If you’re a starfucker

I just want to hang out with these two and giggle. We’re about the same age. It seems like we have similar thoughts on life, too. Nowadays, if I don’t laugh and crack irreverent jokes, I might cry. Here are a couple more funny numbers by Folk Uke.

“Just get down on your knees…”
Cathy, I’m gay for you… Awww… But Cathy doesn’t share Amy’s ardor.

I would love to go to one of their shows. Sadly, the fucking virus has made it impossible for such merriment. This morning, I read about how a wedding in May, in which 65 people attended, caused over 140 new COVID-19 cases, which led to three deaths. Among the affected were residents in an assisted living facility and inmates in a jail, both many miles away from where the wedding occurred. An epidemiologist for the Maine CDC said COVID-19 is like glitter. You open it in the basement of your house and somehow, it ends up in the attic. Interesting analogy…

So I’m content to listen to Folk Uke videos instead. The song below has a bittersweet effect on me. This song was playing as we drove Zane to the vet last year for the final time. The melody is sad, but the lyrics are witty and loaded with zingers. Somehow, it seems fitting that this would play as we took Zane to the Rainbow Bridge. He was a funny dog. ETA: Actually, it was a different song that was playing– “Try to Say Goodbye”.

Cathy tells a funny joke at the beginning.

This year has sucked on many levels. It hasn’t totally sucked for me personally, but for the world at large, it’s been pretty bad. I’m glad Folk Uke is around to make me laugh randomly, when one of their funny little ditties ends up playing on my HomePod. I love that they don’t take anything seriously. More people need to be like that… although I hope they haven’t run into any male versions of All-Beef Patty.

Now… off to eat breakfast with my wild and crazy husband.

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humor, music

Some of my friends get me perfectly…

One of my friends from college shared this hilarious video with me, knowing that I would love it…

Someone commented that they’d never heard such filth coming out of Santa’s mouth…

It took some doing to figure out to whom I should credit this video. Looks like it was done by the guy who runs the rekording channel on YouTube. Chris Franklin wrote the lyrics. They are too funny. I think my favorite line is “it spreads faster than a hooker’s legs.”

As I was fucking around on YouTube, I heard him do another song… Check him out. He’s got chops!

Take a breath! Take two!

Just now, a brand new friend shared this with me…

I guess it’s obvious how profane and twisted I am!

Shit. Now I’m feeling inspired to write a song parody. Why not? It’s cloudy and we can’t go anywhere anyway. And music gets me in less trouble than rants do…

We are blessed to have plenty of toilet paper and wine… Bill made homemade ravioli last night. Maybe I’ll write about it on my other blog. Why not? Hope you all enjoy these numbers. If I find any more, I’ll add them to this post.

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songs

In spite of ourselves…

I think we may have found a new theme song…

John Prine rocks!

Yesterday was kind of a musical day. A few days ago, I was bored and asked some friends to recommend songs for me to sing. One of my friends recommended John Prine. I had heard of him and am very fond of singing his hit, “Angel From Montgomery”, although I usually do Bonnie Raitt’s version. I don’t know why, but I never really explored him more than that.

My friend wanted me to sing “Summer’s End”, but I couldn’t find appropriate accompaniment for it. She then recommended “Souvenirs”. I listened to it, loved it, and found it very easy to learn. Here’s my version. John Prine is a wonderful songwriter. I should have discovered him a long time ago.

Anyway… yesterday, I discovered Prine’s duet with Iris Dement. It’s funny, because I became an Iris Dement fan several years ago, but I would say John Prine is more famous than she is. I don’t think he could have chosen a better partner for this song. She has wonderfully quirky vocals that match his funny lyrics. I thought they were so funny that I had to learn it myself. Again, it was easy to do…

Here are the words:

She don’t like her eggs all runny
She thinks crossin’ her legs is funny
She looks down her nose at money
She gets it on like the Easter Bunny
She’s my baby, I’m her honey
I’m never gonna let her go

He ain’t got laid in a month of Sundays
Caught him once and he was sniffin’ my undies
He ain’t too sharp but he gets things done
Drinks his beer like it’s oxygen
He’s my baby, I’m his honey
I’m never gonna let him go

In spite of ourselves we’ll end up a-sittin’ on a rainbow
Against all odds, honey we’re the big door-prize
We’re gonna spite our noses right off of our faces
There won’t be nothin’ but big ol’ hearts dancin’ in our eyes

She thinks all my jokes are corny
Convict movies make her horny
She likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs
Swears like a sailor when she shaves her legs
She takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’
I’m never gonna let her go

In spite of ourselves we’ll end up a-sittin’ on a rainbow
Against all odds, honey we’re the big door-prize
We’re gonna spite our noses right off of our faces
There won’t be nothin’ but big ol’ hearts dancin’ in our eyes

When Bill and I got married, I was kind of hooked on an old Lyle Lovett song. I would have loved to have played it at our reception. You probably know which one, if you know Lyle Lovett…

It’s me…

But now, after sixteen years of marriage, I think the John Prine duet is more our style. I haven’t caught Bill sniffin’ my undies yet, though. If I ever do, I might have to write a song about that myself.

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