communication, complaints, condescending twatbags, Duggars, rants, social media

“I’m not in need of correction from you, lady…”

Fair warning… for many people, this is going to be a really petty rant. Some readers will doubtlessly think it’s much ado about nothing, or that I’m being childish or silly. It’s fine to think that, but just so you know, I really don’t need to be corrected. I understand that the more mature beings in the world will probably think I should be posting about world peace or another lofty topic. And maybe that’s true… but it’s not what’s on my mind today. I’m often petty, obnoxious, and easily annoyed… but I own those characteristics. They’re part of what makes me “me”. I grew up with the message that who I am isn’t okay… and now that I’m 50, and realize that I won’t ever be changing. I’m working on living with myself. But you don’t have to live with me, so if I write something today that makes you think I need “correction”, “advice”, or anything else remotely resembling “special help”, I would like to encourage you to go write about it on your own blog and leave mine alone. πŸ˜‰

So here’s what happened…

Yesterday, I was on the Duggar Family News page on Facebook. The page’s moderator posted about the Duggar Family’s annual Christmas celebration. A few days ago, I had noticed how extremely cute John David and Abbie Duggar’s daughter, Gracie, is. I even wrote about it in a recent post. It’s not that I don’t think all of the other Duggar grandchildren are cute. I just think Gracie is at a really sweet and expressive age, and she obviously mugs for the camera. She is especially adorable right now, in my opinion.

She is so CUTE. This is not the photo I commented on, by the way.
What a doll!

So I typed under the picture, “Gracie is so adorable”, or something along those lines. Nice, positive, kind comment for a child who probably can’t read, and wouldn’t be on that page, anyway, right? Several others agreed with me and signaled by hitting the “like” button. I didn’t mention her brother, Charlie, who is a beautiful baby, but to me, not as obviously cute as his big sister is. When he’s older, I’m sure he will give her a run for her money. Besides, everybody gushes over babies.

Early this morning, I opened up Facebook and noticed that I had a notification from someone I don’t know. Usually, one can tell what Facebook notifications are in reference to, but in this case, there wasn’t a clue. I had forgotten about the Duggar Family News post I’d made, and never thought it would be controversial. But there it was… Someone named Donna tagged me with the comment, “So is Charlie.”

What am I to make of this comment? It would be one thing if she’d just posted it without tagging me, making it clear that she was expressing her own opinion and not criticizing my comment. But she responded in a way that made it very likely that I would see her comment. And while I can’t be absolutely certain, since she’s a total stranger and I didn’t have any non-verbal cues to offer a hint, my guess is that her comment was meant to be pointed. How dare I comment on one child’s cuteness in a photo, and not the other child’s “equally” adorable visage? What is Charlie? Chopped liver? Give the lad a participation trophy, at least. Give me a break… he’s a BABY, and he’s not reading that page. I am sure his feelings won’t be hurt.

I’ll be honest. My first instinct was to respond to Donna with snark and sarcasm, because that seemingly corrective comment legitimately pissed me off. I know a lot of people would laugh about that β€œover-the-top” reaction, too… which makes it even worse. Because this was a genuine reaction I had to something that, in the grand scheme of things, really doesn’t matter. It’s just some busybody feeling the need to correct a perfect stranger’s innocuous opinions on Facebook, right? I have no idea why my comment triggered her enough to tag me with a response. For all I know, she’s just as irritated as I am. We all have our hot buttons.

There was a time when, indeed, I would have dashed off an inflammatory response to Donna. But middle age, years of psychotherapy, social work training, and the fact that I hadn’t been drinking, collectively gave me the gift of restraint and composure. I took a moment to consider if I wanted to make an actual reply, or even just leave a “laugh react” or “anger emoji”.

I very quickly decided that I didn’t really want to get into it with Donna over such a non-issue. I figured any response I would make would simply make me look bad, even though her comment was unnecessary and kind of disrespectful. So I deleted the notification and didn’t respond to Donna’s “correction”… at least not on Facebook. I’m sure she means well, but I don’t really want to get in a pissing match with some “biddy” I don’t know. Especially over something so inconsequential and… well, petty.

Since this incident has made me think for longer than a moment or two, I’ve decided to write about it today. Maybe other people can relate. I do feel slightly self-congratulatory for not taking Donna’s bait. I scored a “little victory” with that one, even if I am now posting mental spew in my blog. πŸ˜‰ Fewer people read my blog than my Facebook page, though.

If I had been in a more engaging mood, how could I have best responded to Donna? I thought about it as I drank one of Bill’s expertly brewed cups of coffee, fixed just the way I like it. What can I say? My husband is truly wonderful. So let’s see…

There’s the positive approach. I could have acknowledged Donna’s “correction”, either in a sincere and apologetic fashion, or in an over-the-top, sickly sweet, passive-aggressive way…

  • “Of course, Charlie is cute, Donna. Thank you for the correction. May I have another?”
  • “Yes, he sure is scrumptious, Donna. Shame on me for not acknowledging it properly.”
  • “Oh, I’m sorry for the oversight. I’m such an ignorant clod. Charlie is also adorable.”
  • “Whatever would we do without you, Donna, to keep us straight when we comment on the Duggar grandchildren? We wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings… even if they can’t yet read, and wouldn’t be on this page, anyway.”
  • Or… just a plain old “Yes, you’re right, Donna. He is cute.”

Or, there’s the negative, confrontational, unfriendly approach…

  • “Speak for yourself, Donna. I don’t need your help.”
  • “Why did you feel the need to tag me, Donna? You think he’s cute? Good for you.”
  • “STFU, Donna.” Or my personal favorite, “Oh fuck off, Donna!”
  • “Trying to make yourself feel useful, Donna? Glad I could help you out.”
  • “Actually, I don’t really think he’s adorable. That’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it.”

Or I could have been really passive-aggressive and just laughed, posted a “?”,… or used an obnoxious rolling eyes GIF to get my point across to her.

But as I had just opened my eyes, I didn’t feel the need to engage. I didn’t want to spend precious energy… especially since Donna is probably sleeping right now, anyway. I get the sense that she’s the kind of person who would wake up in a few hours, see my comment, and feel the need to “set me straight”. And then, hours after I was over it, I’d be invited to an online melee, which probably would have included other people who don’t know either of us. Life is too short for that shit. You gotta pick your battles, if you want to stay sane in this world.

On the other hand, maybe posting a “?” and inviting her to explain herself would be satisfying on some level… but I don’t like to be deliberately obtuse. I think I know what she meant by her comment. She was just “fixin’ it for me”… the petty bitch… tryin’ to hook me into a scuffle. πŸ˜‰

I guess I’m just left kind of puzzled, though. Once again, a perfect stranger is looking at my innocuous communication from a seemingly negative, corrective way– like the people in my wine group who insinuated that I’m a “Karen” because I had the β€œaudacity” to complain about a legitimately bad experience we had in a wine shop in France. Sometimes, it’s appropriate to be negative, but I don’t think our culture likes to admit it anymore. If you aren’t “positive” and inclusive all the time, you’re a problem, and need correction from others.

Then, there’s my dysfunctional, reptilian response to Donna’s “correction”. It comes from a lifetime of being the youngest child in a family where my presence wasn’t really welcomed or valued. For most of my youngest years, I was repeatedly criticized, corrected, and told, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn’t making the grade. I’m sure if I were to point this out to my family members, they would deny it… and again, that would be a perfect example of the problem. Because even if, in their minds, they weren’t overly critical of me, that was the message I constantly received and internalized. And now it’s a trigger, because I have come to realize that I do have worth, and my opinions matter to someone– even if it’s only me… and maybe Bill.

When someone leaves what appears to be “correction” for me, especially when it’s on something that is really innocuous, or of little actual consequence, I have a tendency to get very annoyed. I’m not referring to “constructive criticism”. Sometimes criticism is necessary for growth, for safety, or to become proficient in something. That kind of criticism is much less irritating to me. No, it’s petty criticism over things that don’t really matter that bugs me the most. Nobody likes to have their opinions corrected, especially on a “public” forum like Facebook. No one likes it when some smartass on Facebook posts, “Fixed it for ya!” in response to something they’ve written. It’s just diminishing, discounting behavior that is meant to make people feel small. And while getting annoyed over that behavior is legitimate, it’s also doubly bad to express that irritation, because that is, in and of itself, PETTY behavior. It really should not be worthy of any response whatsoever, but yet, I still feel compelled to express all of this so early in the morning. πŸ˜‰ I’m sure a good therapist could help me figure this out, sometime.

There’s one other observation I would like to make. I was quite agitated about Donna’s comment when I got up, but by the time I’d finished breakfast and was draining my second cup of coffee, I had almost forgotten about it. If it weren’t for a silly exchange I had with my cousin regarding this incident, I probably would be posting about something more hard hitting and consequential today. πŸ˜‰ See? It really doesn’t matter at all… It’s a minor blip in the day, now forever immortalized in my blog. And now I can smile and hold my head high, as I fold laundry and change the sheets on my bed… two chores that do need attending to, and will actually matter in my life.

So… not today, Donna. I’m not taking the bait and getting into a ridiculous online pissing match with you. I don’t agree with you, because I do think Gracie is cuter than Charlie is, at least right now. I don’t need you to correct my post, and I’m not going to validate your correction with any direct response– negative or positive– that gives you the opportunity to engage further with me and attempt to make me feel bad about myself. I am going to ignore you (except, of course, in my blog, which is not for you). Find someone else to play with. πŸ˜€

Off to go tend to my chores now… Have a great Tuesday, y’all.

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Duggars, marriage, religion, wingnuts

A big bumper crop of new fundies in 2023…

Yesterday, I noticed that my blog was getting a lot of hits on posts I wrote about fundie Christian families. I know why people are visiting. Recently, there have been a couple of announcements that are making the rounds on the Internet. But no one should be surprised by the news… because it involves newly married, young, relatively healthy people having sex and getting pregnant. This shouldn’t be news… but when you’re in the Duggar family, or the fame lusting Rodrigues family, baby making is your one big job. Gotta make new quiver arrows for the Quiverfull… although if you were to ask them if they’re following the Quiverfull movement, they’d probably deny it.

So, Katey Nakatsu Duggar, wife of Jedidiah Duggar, is now pregnant with her second baby. She’s due in May 2023. Below is the video posted from Jed and Katey’s YouTube channel, announcing Katey’s condition. I don’t feel the need to snark on Jed and Katey. They are a young couple, and this is only their second child. I’m just glad they didn’t announce it the way they did the first time they were expecting a baby. But dayum, they just had their son in the spring of ’22, so maybe they will give Ma and Pa Duggar a run for their money.

Gotta admit, Truett (the baby) is very cute.

Katey is very pretty… and it looks like she’s already getting the voluminous hair that develops when women get pregnant. Not that I know from personal experience… but I do have a lot of relatives and friends who have been pregnant. I didn’t watch the whole video, but I do know that a lot of folks have been commenting that the annual Duggar party was pretty sparsely attended this year. I guess it makes sense, given the pall cast over the family by Josh Duggar’s incarceration. But at least we get to hear Michelle Duggar shrieking that Katey is pregnant at about 7:30 minutes in… sheesh! John and Abbie’s daughter, Gracie, has the best reaction at all. It’s practically memeworthy…

Gracie is also very cute.

John David looks kind of like he’s got one in the oven, too…

The Duggars aren’t the only ones who had big news… nor is Katey the only pregnant Duggar (Joy Anna and Hannah Duggar — Jeremiah’s wife– are also expecting). Jill Rodrigues, whose daughter, Nurie, is married to Anna Duggar’s brother, Nathan, also shared the news that her second married daughter, Kaylee, is preggo. Kaylee only JUST got married in November, so that means she’s only been expecting for about ten minutes. Nurie and Nathan already have two babies– boys, I believe.

Again, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that Kaylee is pregnant. She’s young, healthy, Christian, and married, and that’s what people like her do. As long as they’re able to take care of the baby, that’s all that should really matter. It’s not her fault her mom is a bit snarkworthy. I sincerely hope she has a healthy pregnancy, even if I’m definitely not a fan of extremely religious people. I see from Jill’s Facebook that besides being newly married and expecting their first baby, the happy couple are also brand new homeowners, as of November 24th. They have a lot going on for being so young. I’m 50, and I still haven’t owned my own home or had a baby.

Nice to know they’ve been so busy.

I’ve found that I’m less interested in the fundies, lately. I’ve been too focused on the soap opera that is Ex’s life. But she’s been pretty quiet over the past few days, and besides, I don’t think most people are as interested in her as I am. Alexis has been busy with the big things in her life, and she’s pretty much the only one who pays attention to the drama that is Ex. So, even though I feel compelled to write about her, I know those aren’t my most interesting topics for regular readers.

Younger daughter sent us a video this morning. Her youngest child, who is a baby boy, is just adorable! He appeared to be very hungry, too. πŸ˜‰ Guess he’s a breast man, like his grandfather.

And it’s also the day before Christmas Eve… which isn’t a big deal at our house, since it’s just Bill and me and our dogs. But this is the time of year when production tends to slow a lot and people are busy with the annual holiday ritual. So it’s hard to come up with anything exciting to write about that is new or fresh, and I don’t want to delve into politics or world events when people are struggling to be happy for the holidays.

I did get my new parka yesterday. It’s very nice, although I probably need to take more walks to get rid of my beer gut. πŸ˜‰ People will think I’m pregnant… a la Sarah, elderly mother of baby Isaac. My parents would be so proud that I remembered something from Sunday School. But anyway, it’s a very nice new jacket. I will make good use of it. Especially if we have another cold snap like we did last week.

Well… I’m already kind of bored with this topic, so that about does it for me today. In spite of my occasionally snarky comments about fundie Christians, I do hope the expectant mothers in these families have safe, comfortable pregnancies, and they deliver happy, healthy, much beloved babies. And I also hope you have a great Friday! I think I’ll go back to bed and read more of Matthew Perry’s book. πŸ˜‰

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