silliness

You can’t lick our Cocks…

This morning, as I was sitting here thinking about what I wanted to write about today, I remembered a post I wrote for my original blog back in March 2015. At that point, we had only been in Stuttgart for about nine months. I was a member of way too many local Facebook groups. There was a lot of drama in those groups… drama that I haven’t seen up here in Wiesbaden. In many ways, I enjoy the lack of drama because I don’t end up nearly as annoyed or upset as I regularly did in Stuttgart. On the other hand, I almost never lacked for topics to write about.

Back in March 2015, the American high school for the children of military and government service members, Patch High School, was still located on Patch Barracks. The Stuttgart area high school has since moved to Panzer Kaserne, as a brand new facility was built and opened in the fall of 2015. The new high school’s mascot is the Panther, as it was for Patch High School. However, the community sports team’s mascot was the stallion, as is the mascot for Patch Elementary School.

A flag with the famous Stuttgart stallion on it.

The choice of a stallion as a mascot was locally significant, since Stuttgart’s coat of arms has a stallion on it. Car buffs might also notice that Porsche, which is a sports car brand made and based in Stuttgart, also has a horse on its logo. Sometime in the past, when it came time to name the local sports team’s mascot, someone decided on the stallion. The teams for the female athletes were known as “Lady Stallions”. Back in March 2015, the local sports team coordinators were looking for people to join the “Lady Stallions” softball team.

I am a lover of words. I’m also a lover of horses. A stallion is, by definition, an uncastrated male horse. Because I was feeling saucy, I mentioned this fact in a snarky Facebook group I used to be part of back in the day. Some brave soul decided to share my thoughts with the sports team coordinator, who wrote this cranky response:

I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume that Ms. ****** has no prior experience or dealings with OCONUS community level sports. We did not name ourselves Stallions. That is the mascot for the Stuttgart community, therefore we don’t have the authority nor the desire to change it simply because a stallion is a male horse. Every community level sport here has a men’s team and a women’s team, both of which are Stallions. Just like any other community… Lady Rams, Sabres, Mustangs, Generals, etc. So, if there is more concern about what we are called than actually playing the sport, that is not someone who we are looking to add to the team. 

Well excuuuuuuseeee ME!!!

I was amused by the bitchy response, which wasn’t directed to me personally, but to the woman who had decided to comment that stallions are, in fact, male horses by definition. But then I started thinking about it some more. I wrote this in my original blog:

Okay, fair enough…  but have they considered what makes a stallion a stallion?  I used to judge horses and I’ve seen quite a few sets of stallion genitalia.  They have balls the size of grapefruits.  They have very impressive penises, too.  I was thinking about including a photo for reference, but given that apparently a lot of people like to use horses for their own twisted fantasies, I decided against it.  

Notice that the person who responded lists examples of other “lady” teams as “proof” that Stuttgart is not the only area where a mascot is obviously male, yet has teams designated for the ladies.  But only one of her examples isn’t gender neutral.  One can be a female mustang or general, for instance, though I don’t think sabres actually have genders.  I do realize, though, that sexist mascots are very common. 

My high school’s mascot, the Duke of Gloucester– hence the Gloucester Dukes.

Now, at my high school, our mascot was “The Dukes”.  No, it wasn’t because of the Dukes of Hazzard; it was because of the Duke of Gloucester.  If you grow up near Yorktown, Virginia, you quickly become acquainted with the names of people who were important in the American Revolution.  And yes, we did have “Lady Dukes” instead of Duchesses.

Long, hard, and pointy… just like something else we all know…

After I graduated from Gloucester High School, I went to Longwood College– now known as Longwood University. Our mascot was, and still is, the Lancers. Back when I was a student, we didn’t have an actual mascot. Now, there’s Elwood, who is a horse. Longwood was an all women’s school until 1976. Still, we have a rather phallic looking symbol on our mascot…

Elwood the horse… He didn’t exist when I went to Longwood. I guess the sports teams have gotten better since the 90s.

It wasn’t lost on me that my college had a rather phallic mascot. I mean, the horse isn’t so much… except that I think Elwood is male, and if he’s a stallion, he’s got impressive genitalia. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot of equine genitalia.

I used to have this sticker on my car. I had to remove it due to force protection rules.

So then I went to the University of South Carolina, where the mascot is the Gamecock. Gamecocks are fighting roosters. Roosters are males. I remember that the female athletes at my graduate school were not known as Hens, but Lady Gamecocks. And, in fact, they were all collectively referred to as “Cocks”. I have a Facebook friend who went to the University of South Carolina as an undergraduate. I like to tease him by writing “Go Cocks” on his posts.

I used to wear a garnet colored t-shirt that read, “You can’t lick our Cocks.” It looked just like today’s featured photo looks. Unfortunately, back at that time, it was just before Lou Holtz took over coaching the football team and, in fact, a whole lot of other teams “licked our Cocks” quite soundly. Like Lou Holtz, I started my time at USC in 1999, and Mr. Holtz was indeed able to turn the football team around. They became a very formidable force that year. Lou Holtz left USC in 2004, having vastly improved their stats.

I don’t actually follow football or any other sports. I just think it’s interesting that so many sports teams are named after male animals, and a lot of those names end up being shortened to references to genitalia. Especially when you consider what happens when when a male gets hit in that part of the body…

3:22… that was all she wrote for that fight. OUCH!
Sheesh! Game over!

Given this obvious weakness in a male’s anatomy, I wonder why we glorify a male’s genitals in sports contests and in naming sports teams.  What’s wrong with having a team called the Stuttgart Mares? Mares are pretty tough. And when they get hit in the genitals, it probably doesn’t hurt as much.

This mare looks like she can handle herself quite well.

Anyway… I’m glad that Stuttgart’s high school has adopted a gender neutral mascot in their Panthers. Here in Wiesbaden, the mascot is a nice, somewhat gender neutral Warrior. I guess there are female warriors out there, right? When I went looking to find the featured photo for today’s post, I found a picture of the t-shirt I used to own. I also found a lot of x-rated photos of the slang use of the word “cock”. It’s not just for male chickens, that’s for damned sure.

Actually, I’m reminded of something funny from my glory days in high school. Back then, Gloucester County still played in the AA league, which meant our school was considered “smaller”. It has since moved to the AAA league– I think that happened the year after my graduation. Teams were playing bigger schools in Hampton and Newport News and, unfortunately, getting soundly beaten a lot. But my senior year, we were still AA, and for Homecoming that year, we played the Bruton Panthers. Bruton is a small community in York County, near Williamsburg. Anyway… I distinctly remember my friends trying to come up with fight slogans for the floats in the Homecoming parade– you know, things like “Pierce the Panthers” or “Pop the Panthers”. One of my grosser male friends suggested “Panther Pap Smear”. Knowing my friends, I’m surprised no one suggested “Pork the Panthers”.

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musings

Wine and roses…

It’s Valentine’s Day, and it’s also the Friday before a legal holiday. When Bill was still in the Army, it wasn’t unusual for him to get off work the Friday before a legal holiday. This was especially true when he was posted in Stuttgart. We ended up taking a lot of awesome four day mini breaks during those two years.

This year, he’s taking today off from work because we’re finally going to Strasbourg, France for the annual wine expo. It’s a huge event and I’ve been hearing about how great it is for several years now, but for some reason, we’ve never managed to make it until this year. We’ve always gone to other places for President’s Day weekend. Last year, we went to France, but the area we went to was what one would consider the “real” France. We were on the edge of Champagne country, though not in a well-known or heavily touristed area.

I kind of didn’t want to go to France again this President’s Day weekend, mainly because this will be the third time we’ve visited in less than three months. There’s much to love about France, but there’s also much to love about the Netherlands, Belgium, and the Czech Republic. Unfortunately, Bill has to leave town again Monday, so we need to be somewhat close so we can get back and do all the stuff that needs to be done before he takes off on his latest TDY. Since I run a community wine and food Facebook group, it seems natural that I’d want to go to the expo, once and for all. It’ll probably wear me out and overwhelm me, but I think we’ll also spend some time touring Strasbourg. The last time we stopped and looked around the city was in 2008, and that was only for a few hours. This time, we’ll stay the weekend and explore.

It’s funny how life evolves in a year’s time… A year ago, we had a lovely Valentine’s Day dinner in Wiesbaden, then went to France. Our trip last year was somewhat spoiled by some pretty rotten events. This year, it looks like the tide is about to turn for the better on many levels. We’re feeling fairly optimistic about the future, even if it means another move this year. I’m not saying we’re definitely going to move, only that it’s more possible this year than it has been in previous years. On the other hand, chances are very good that we’ll be staying put. We’ll see what happens. I’d like to get some answers so we can make some plans… but then, this has pretty much been my life ever since I married a military man.

I used to hate Valentine’s Day, mainly because I was terminally dateless. In high school, I remember at the end of the school day on Valentine’s Day, there would be a long list of students read off over the loudspeaker who needed to stop by the office to pick up flowers. Looking back on it, I’m surprised that the school officials allowed flowers to be delivered to the school for students. Seems like it would be disruptive to their work, but what do I know about such things? Life can be quaint in small town Virginia, even though years after I graduated from Gloucester High School, it became embroiled in national controversy thanks to the efforts of a transgendered student who wanted to be allowed to use the boys room, even though he did not possess boy parts. People in Gloucester were outraged about it, but personally, I think it was much ado about nothing.

What I do remember that the list was kind of soul crushing for those of us who didn’t have a Valentine. I did have a boyfriend during my senior year. He brought me six roses on Valentine’s Day in 1990, as well as a big Valentine’s Day card that he’d made himself. He was an artist, and he said I reminded him on an elf, so he drew this elfin character with blonde hair and blue eyes. I’m not sure what I thought of it at the time, since our relationship was doomed even at that point. Now, I think I’d be very touched that he’d taken the time to make such a work of art for me. Maturity and perspective are good things.

I also remember junior year, our school newspaper ran a fundraiser that allowed people to pay for personal ads. Some of them were pretty “funny”… including a mean spirited prank someone played on me and another kid. A person took out an ad, posing as a guy in my class. It read: “To Jenny, our love would fill an ocean. Wanna go to the prom?” I rolled my eyes when I read it, since I knew it was intended to be a nasty joke to embarrass and humiliate me and the guy in question. Kids can be cruel, but time has a tendency to rectify things. That’s true on many levels this year.

Better dead than spread… Gosh, I miss this show.

Bill often gets me roses and candy on Valentine’s Day, but since we’re leaving town today, I’m sure he won’t bother. We’re going to be enjoying a lot of wine, though, and probably bringing a fair amount home. Maybe we’ll have a chance to have some interesting food, although I have a feeling we could be eating pizza tonight. No restaurant reservations on Valentine’s Day can lead to disaster. I will give my body a break from wine next week while he’s gone… give my liver a chance to regenerate and work on my latest jigsaw puzzle as I dream up political screeds for my blog.

Well… I suppose it’s time I packed a bag and got ready for our latest French adventure. I hope everyone enjoys their V.D. I know I will.

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