condescending twatbags, healthcare, lessons learned

“You don’t want to have anything to do with an asshole like that…” George Carlin

Yesterday’s post garnered more interest than I expected it would. I enjoyed writing it, but as I was writing, it occurred to me that dealing with stupid insults from clueless people– especially men– is a common theme in my life. The Internet has always been a place of less civilized behavior, but it’s gotten a lot worse lately. There are many reasons for that.

I think it started getting worse when Donald Trump became president. He did not win by a landslide in 2016, so there were many people who were angry about the election. They took to social media to vent. Meanwhile, Trump supporters gloated that “their guy” won, and a lot of them became kind of rude and nasty. Both groups had even less regard for others than they used to, say, ten years ago.

This morning, I read a post I wrote back in April 2020. A Trump supporter had posted a picture of Donald Trump flipping people off with both fingers with the caption “Still your president.” In response to that photo, I posted a picture of Trump with a frog superimposed on his chin. Yes, it was kind of saucy, but at least it wasn’t profane. After a couple more increasingly intense comments, the Trump supporter ended up calling me a “cunt”. Then, when I responded in kind, he blocked me. 😀

I know I should have ignored him. For the most part, I do try to ignore people who say and do provocative things. It never ends well, although I don’t mind being blocked by someone who called me a “cunt”. That’s kind of a low blow, even if I don’t know the person, so I didn’t take the insult personally. I did notice, however, that my less than offended response to being called a “cunt” seemed to really offend the guy. I mean, he was offended by a photo of Trump with a frog on his face after he posted a picture of Trump, as still president, flipping everybody off! Then, after trading insults with and finally going to “fightin’ words”, he blocks me when I give him what he was dishing out! It’s hilarious!

For some reason, a lot of men feel like calling women “cunts” is the ultimate power move. In my view, when someone resorts to calling a total stranger a word like that, that means they’ve lost the argument and need to hurl the worst insults they can think of. But I think that if the word “cunt” is the best word you can come up with to verbally slay someone, your shit’s pretty weak.

Likewise, yesterday’s encounter with “Rick” was pretty disappointing and uncivilized. Rick decided to go “ad hominem” in his argument with others. Anyone who disagreed with his comments was fair game for an ad hominem attack. In my case, he wrongly implied that men don’t want to have sex with me. He’s wrong, because as a happily married woman, there is at least one man in my life who loves having sex with me. There may even be others out there, too. In my experience, there are a lot of men who don’t even care too much about what a woman looks like if there’s a chance that they can have sex. They might not ever speak to the woman again, but by God, if she’s willing to put out, they’re showing up for it. 😀 So Rick’s comment was especially stupid… but it was also kind of mean, and unnecessary.

Lately, I think being “mean” is the order of the day. Because along with Donald Trump, and his campaign of being rude and insulting to people, COVID-19 also came along. COVID-19 is some very scary shit, and people who are taking it seriously are pretty fed up with the so-called deniers and rule flouters. And so, some of these folks have lost their basic sense of decency and civility and they’re posting things that are just nasty and, frankly, uncalled for, as well as occasionally just wrong.

For example, yesterday I read an article about vaccine refusers and a proudly vaccinated woman named Karen wrote that if she and an unvaccinated person both showed up at a hospital at the same time, she should be the one who gets medical care. Why? Because she did as she was told, and got vaccinated. Forget the fact that traditionally, when it comes to medical care, providers triage all comers. That means that if you’re not as sick as the other person because you got the vaccine, you will be waiting. That’s called following medical ethics.

It may not seem right or fair, but in the grand scheme of things, not providing the sicker person with medical care is still putting innocent people at risk. That unvaccinated person is going to spread the virus more than a vaccinated person will, and he or she will need more help. We can bitch and moan as much as we want about people who don’t want to get with the program, but when it comes down to it, it’s not ethically right to deny them care. Still, Karen, was insisting that we should just tell non-vaccinated people to go die in the street or something. I couldn’t help but think that Karen was aptly named. 😉 Although, as I have repeatedly stated, I hate the trend of using people’s first names as pejoratives.

I haven’t been in the United States since 2014, so I have missed all of Trump’s presidency, as well as the US version of the pandemic. Here in Germany, the face mask mandates for shops and public transportation never went away. Around here, people do hate the fucking things, but they mostly stoically cooperate with the rules. And, when the pandemic is tamed somewhat, local leaders have shown that they will amend the rules. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t people rebelling or complaining, but we’re not seeing some of the sheer selfishness and rudeness here that I have seen described online in the United States. I will forever be grateful to Germany for letting me live here during these very strange times.

But… I do realize that while Trump and his supporters are pretty insufferable, some people on the other side are just as bad. People who laugh at those who get really sick and die, for instance, are just shitty. Because even if the person might have “asked” for it by not taking precautions, it’s still a pretty horrible way to die, and there are innocent people who will be impacted by it. You may feel better for a few minutes laughing at the father of a newborn who mocked vaccines and died, but he still has an innocent infant son who will forevermore be affected by the loss of his dad. Are you also laughing at that baby’s loss and eventual pain? If you are, shame on you.

Moreover, sometimes people don’t get vaccinated for legitimate reasons. I read an article in The Atlantic yesterday about how Americans are “getting it wrong” about the unvaccinated. Many people were commenting on it, but I don’t think most of them bothered to read the article. I think that’s a shame, because the article did have some good information. Like, for instance, there’s a reminder that some people haven’t gotten vaccinated because vaccines are not accessible to them, for whatever reason. Say you live in a rural area, but you don’t have a car. The nearest vaccination center is a stout walk. Maybe you won’t get a shot because of that. Or, say you’re a single parent who lacks access to affordable child care. You can’t leave your child alone so you can get the shot. Or, say you work at a job that does not offer paid time off. You can’t afford to take the time to get the shot or deal with the potential side effects.

Rhea Boyd, who is a public health advocate and pediatrician, was interviewed for the article in The Atlantic. She said:

Availability and access aren’t the same thing. If you have to walk the five miles, you’re going to rethink getting vaccinated, especially if you’re elderly, or you have chronic disease, or the round trip is interfering with other things like work. [Much of] our paid workforce doesn’t have flexibility about hours, or couldn’t take a day off if they wanted to. And if you don’t have paid sick leave to deal with the vaccine or the potential side effects of the second dose, you’ll skip it because feeding your family is more important right now.

Child care is also an enormous issue. If you don’t have someone to watch your children, then what do you do? Many of these things the Biden administration has tried to address. They have programs involving Uber and LyftChild-care organizations have signed on to help with vaccine appointments. There are tax breaks for companies that offer paid sick leave. These are incredible, but they may not filter down to your area. We need to think about local interventions to help stretch them.

See… I think this is good information and something that privileged people forget to think about when they criticize so-called “anti-vaxxers”. But we’re all so eager to run our figurative mouths about the “type” of person who stubbornly won’t get the vaccine. Boyd continues by stating that we’re shooting ourselves in the foot by demonizing people who aren’t vaccinated. Because now, we can’t even have a civilized conversation about this. As I’ve repeatedly stated since this mess started last year, there’s a tremendous pressure to say and do the “right” things. And if you don’t, you can be assured of being browbeaten by patronizing people who can’t find it within themselves to listen and respond with empathy and understanding. Boyd continues:

The language we use around unvaccinated people comes with a judgment—a condescension that “you’re unvaccinated and it’s your choice at this point.” That attitude is papering Twitter. It’s repeated by our top public-health officials. They’re railing on the unvaccinated as if they’re holding the rest of us back from normalcy. But unvaccinated people aren’t a random group of defectors who are trying to be deviant. They’re not all anti-vaxxers. They’re our kids! Any child under 12 is in that group.

Just now, I looked at the comment I left on The Atlantic’s Facebook page about this article. I got a few laughing reactions, as well as a dismissive comment about how “bad” unvaccinated people are. I also got a self-righteous lecture from an ER nurse about how she didn’t “need” to read the article, because she’s on the front lines. I resisted the urge to offer her a cookie and reiterated that, yes, she DID need to read the article.

Frankly, everyone should read before they comment, rather than just react to headlines and featured photos. As Rhea Boyd pointed out in her comments in The Atlantic’s article, sometimes people really do have legitimate reasons why they haven’t been vaccinated. Yes, it’s true that some folks are being stubborn and willfully ignorant, but there really can be an issue with access for some people, as well as a lack of information and trust. These are REAL issues. Calling people names and not hearing what they have to say is not going to make them cooperate. But, in fairness, I do have an inkling of the frustration and burnout a lot of healthcare providers must be feeling right now. In fact, thanks to the below video, I got more of an inkling of it this morning.

This is a very powerful video by Dr. Catherine O’Neal. It makes a lot of good sense. But I also think there are people who simply need practical and logistical help in getting the vaccine.

I think things would get better if more people simply cooperated and, as hard as it can be, simply tried to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of just lashing out at them. If we stopped politicizing everything and focused on being decent to each other, I think it’s likely that the situation would improve. But people are frustrated, angry, and under pressure from their peer groups and families to pick a side.

I still have a number of Republican friends and loved ones. I don’t disassociate with people simply because of their politics. I do find Trump supporters puzzling, because most of my friends who like Trump truly are decent people, deep down. I don’t understand how decent people can support Trump. Conservatism, I get, but why not demand someone with basic ethics? Is it simply because people think Trump is the only person who can win an election? If so, that’s really sad, and it’s a bleak sign that our future is going to really suck.

Malignant narcissists do not make good leaders. They can’t be good leaders, because in order to be a good leader, one has to care about other people. And malignant narcissists, by definition, only care about themselves. That’s what makes them abusive, petty, childish, and damaging to others. That type of person cannot lead effectively. And Trump has shown us, time and again, that he’s a malignant narcissist. However, so many people have been blinded by his charisma and showmanship, and the fact that he has diarrhea of the mouth and they find it entertaining, that they forget their basic decency.

I can’t say that Joe Biden is the ideal person to lead the country, but I like him much, much more than Trump. The basic fact that he has regard for someone– ANYONE– but himself and his interests, makes him a better leader. I feel safer with him in charge than the unhinged orange turd who brags about molesting women. Trump is focused on making money, satisfying his pleasure center, and being glorified and admired by others. Those are not the traits of a good leader.

Anyway… I guess I’ve prattled on long enough… Comment sections are going to be the death of me. George Carlin was right when he said, “You don’t want to have anything to do with an asshole like that.” Sometimes, it’s really best to keep scrolling and not respond. I do hope this situation improves soon. Because people are definitely getting meaner and less civilized. It makes me envy people like my friend Matt, who has already checked out of this world and moved on to a place where problems don’t exist.

Standard
Dress codes, slut shamers

Pulling ’em off…

Yesterday’s post about leggings turned into quite the Facebook debate. My Italian friend says he thinks women wear leggings to turn on men. This was his comment.

It is a pointless discussion. Wearing leggings is part of an evolving mating ritual. If there were no men, there would be no leggings. It is just a strategy to attract the attention of men. In an era of increasing sexual availability and stimulation, clearly strategies must evolve and become more extreme, hence the dismay of an older woman who used older, milder strategies. In parts of the world, the sight of a bare female foot is sexually arousing, while here in Germany a pretty woman sunbathing naked in the park might just go unnoticed. Same with men: if you can afford a red Ferrari, you might say you do it for the love of cars, but you know it is part of a mating ritual. Approaches vary, same old story. The only observation I can make is that perhaps one woman in 1000 looks good in bare leggings. All the others, who believe that revealing more of their mediocre body might increase their mating chances, are sadly deluded. A woman of class, who has more to offer than just attractive anatomy, migh wear leggings, but only under a skirt.

Many of my female friends chimed in that attracting men is not the reason they wear leggings. I was the first to tell my Italian friend that a lot of women wear them because they’re comfortable. Quite a lot of my friends agreed with me that they like leggings because they are easy to wear. So my Italian friend came back with this comment.

But you all miss the point: the article was about young women wearing tight leggings with nothing on top, basically something like a pantyhose, therefore very revealing, not comfy. At that age, EVERYTHING is about the opposite sex, both for boys and girls, as it is understandle due to the hormone levels mother nature burdens us with for reproductive purposes. Or it’s been such a long time you have all forgotten?

More debate ensued after I wrote this.

Leggings are comfortable whether you wear a skimpy top or a long one. They’re stretchy. I will grant that not everyone can pull off wearing leggings and looking good in them, but that kind of thing is in the eye of the beholder. I’ve never seen leggings that are like “pantyhose”, either.

Another friend wrote this.

I disagree about not everyone being able to pull off leggings. If you think you can pull off leggings, you can. Doesn’t matter what size or shape you are. Wear them with gusto!

To which I replied:

Well, that is a matter of opinion. You’re welcome to yours.

Let me reiterate. I basically think people should wear whatever they want. I may not like what a person is wearing. I may not think what they’re wearing is flattering or attractive. But I will absolutely defend their right to dress their bodies in the way they wish. My viewpoint is my own and it’s one of many opinions. I don’t claim to be right or wrong.

Here are a few pictures I found on the Internet that make me think that not everyone can “pull off” wearing leggings. Again, just my opinion.

That looks painful. Image: Pinterest
Actually, those look like tights. Image: Pinterest
An oldie but a goodie. These just blow my mind. Image: Facebook
Bet she does. Image: Pinterest

Just because I don’t think these leggings look so great on the women who are wearing them, that doesn’t mean I don’t think they have the “right” to wear them. I don’t think wearing them in public is wise, but certainly a person should be able to wear what they want to wear “with gusto”, as long as they aren’t at school, church, or work, where there might be a dress code of some sort… or perhaps not.

Some people think dress codes are stupid. But uniforms are a form of identification. Police officers wear uniforms so that citizens can identify them when there’s trouble. Medical personnel are easy to spot by the way they dress in a medical setting. Hell, I wore a dirndl at Busch Gardens because that identified me as an employee. The dirndl added to the ambiance of the fake Germany, where I was working at the time. I have heard that the costumes have been phased out, but people who work at Busch Gardens still wear uniforms so they can be identified as employees.

I also think that dress codes aren’t a bad idea in a school setting, as long as they are equally enforced. It is distracting when a person comes to school wearing a t-shirt with swear words all over it. It is disruptive when someone dresses in a way that is impractical or unsafe. Moreover, school is preparation for the work world. I would hope a person wouldn’t go to a job interview wearing leggings that reveal the message that he or she “gets around”. Maybe you are able to do your job while wearing purple leggings that announce that you “get around”. But it’s not very professional or appropriate to wear that attire at work if you’re dealing with the public. If you want to walk around town with those leggings on, I guess it’s not such a big deal… except you might end up being made fun of on social media. But I can always avert my eyes, right?

Bottom line… wear what you want to on your time. Leggings aren’t always about trying to pick up men. Some people do find them very comfortable. I would hope most people who find them comfortable would select them in the right size and made with fabric that adequately covers the subject. But I suppose even that is in the eye of the beholder… and nobody really cares about my opinions, anyway. Bwahahaha…

In other news: Yesterday, I ordered us a lawnmower. It’s a robot, which means I might not have to mow. I can sit on my ass and watch the mower cut the grass while I drink beer. I tried using a robot vacuum. It was hard to get used to. Hopefully, this will work out alright. I’ll take a video.

Standard