There is a lot of cussing in this post. Proceed with caution.

This morning, I was reading a hilarious thread in the Duggar Family News Facebook group. Someone got the bright idea to post a thread featuring the weirdest, funniest, most bizarre facial expressions the Duggars have ever had. Naturally, most of the photos people shared featured Michelle Duggar. I must admit, she has some real beauts, although some of the kids give her a run for her money.

At one point, someone shared a gif of Michelle getting her hair done. Here’s a clip from their defunct show, 19 Kids and Counting, on Michelle’s 46th birthday.

Lots of people thought Michelle looked a lot better with this new hairstyle. To me, she looks a little like the late Mary Duggar. Mary Duggar was Jim Bob Duggar’s mother. She died a few months ago in a drowning accident. But when this episode aired, Mary still had a few years left on the Earth.

The story goes that Boob prefers his women with curly hair. In fact, I’ve read that infamous fundamentalist Christian leader, Bill Gothard, likes the women who follow him to have long, curly hair. The Duggars reportedly have ties to Gothard, leader of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). I remember when the Duggars first showed up on television, most of the older daughters had permed hair. All of them had long hair, including and especially Michelle. While the Duggar daughters seem to have completely given up on the home perms, Michelle’s hair stayed kinky for a long time. After that episode in which she had her hair very briefly done in a more modern style, albeit one that made her look a bit like her mother-in-law, Mary, Michelle was back to her usual crispy curls.

A few of the posters were discussing Michelle’s extremely temporary updated look, and I wrote that maybe she looked too much like Mary and that made Boob feel like a motherfucker. But then it occurred to me that technically, he IS a motherfucker, isn’t he?

I was reminded of the 1986 film, Wildcats, which starred Goldie Hawn. Hawn’s character, Molly McGrath, is a football loving former girls track coach who takes on a motley crew of inner city high school football players and turns them into a winning team. Molly has divorced her ex husband, Frank, who is very uptight and controlling. Frank doesn’t like that Molly works at such a “dangerous” job, since she has custody of their two minor daughters. He tries to get Molly a job at a girls’ private school. They visit the school and the two old ladies showing them around are very excited about their new Jazzercise exercise program, which Molly would be expected to teach. Molly, who has laryngitis at the time of their tour, eventually gets very angry and calls Frank a “motherfucker”.

Earlier in the film, Molly’s older daughter calls the family dog a “little son of a bitch”. Molly is about to chastise the girl for swearing, but the daughter reminds her mother that it’s okay to call the dog a son of a bitch, since that’s what he literally is. Molly shrugs and realizes that yes, it’s “linguistically correct” that the dog is a son of a bitch. Later, when Frank and Molly are in court, Frank’s lawyer tells the judge that Molly called Frank a vulgar name. Molly tries to explain to the court that she called her ex husband a “motherfucker”, which is “linguistically correct”, since she’s a mother and Frank… well, you get the picture, right? He’s literally a motherfucker. And so is Jim Bob Duggar.

I mean, if you want to get technical, as the father of 19 children, Boob is a motherfucker. In fact, he’s like the monarch of motherfuckers. The word “fuck” isn’t the nicest term for sexual activity, but if you look it up on Dictionary.com, you’ll find that one of the definitions of the word “fuck” is “to have sexual intercourse”. And sexual intercourse is presumably how Michelle Duggar got pregnant. I haven’t seen any episodes featuring Boob and Michelle frequenting a fertility clinic, so I naturally assume that Michelle achieved pregnancy via timely fucking. Even if they did go to a fertility clinic, I would assume that at least one of their children was conceived in the natural way. I will admit, however, that the word “fuck” is probably best avoided in polite company, even if it is “linguistically correct”. I’m sure Boob would turn seven shades of red if someone called him a motherfucker to his face.

I guess that means that most men are motherfuckers, technically speaking, anyway. But if you look up motherfucker on Dictionary.com, you won’t find that “motherfucker” literally refers to a man who has sex with a woman who has borne children. A motherfucker is defined as a “mean, despicable, or vicious person”. While I don’t know Jim Bob Duggar personally, I have heard that he is someone to whom you don’t say “no”.

We already know that Michelle stays “joyfully available” to her husband, Jim Bob, and never denies him sex, even when she’s “big pregnant”. And I distinctly remember Ben Seewald saying that he doesn’t feel like he can say no to Jim Bob. At Jill and Derick Dillard’s wedding, I remember Boob actually grabbed ahold of Ben’s necktie and led Ben around like a dog. Ben just let him do it because, well, he’s not the “top dog” like Boob is. And what do top dogs do to establish dominance? They mount… even the male dogs. I frequently saw that behavior in our dearly departed beagle, Flea, who was tiny, but mighty. He pissed off a lot of fellow dog owners for doing what came naturally to him. But I’d say that kind of alpha dog behavior is mean and despicable when it’s directed at a human being, even if it’s instinctual in animals.

So… I maintain that Jim Bob Duggar is technically a motherfucker. But then, so is my husband, Bill. But only because he fucked his ex wife. He’s not one anymore, since I’m not a mother. Very few people would ever call Bill a motherfucker in the slang sense of the term, either… although I can think of a couple who might… one being the woman who made him a motherfucker.