Song parodies

Dear Loren…

It’s Friday, and I’ve had a bit of a sad week. I just found out that one of my beloved uncles may not be around for much longer. He is truly one of my favorite people, but I haven’t seen him since 2014, which is when Bill and I were last in the United States together. I had gone home to Virginia to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and participate in a memorial service we had for my father, who died in July 2014, weeks before we left for Germany. My mom chose Thanksgiving as a good time for my dad’s memorial, since that’s when the annual family reunion is held.

My uncle had a stroke last week, and it has left him severely debilitated. I didn’t find out about the stroke until a few days after it happened. I found out about it on Facebook, courtesy of a friend of the family, rather from one of my actual family members. My cousin just posted that they’ve decided to give my uncle comfort measures and, I guess, let nature take its inevitable course. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable decision at all, but I am blue about it. Like I said… he’s one of my favorite people. His birthday is the day after mine. He has a witty sense of humor like mine. And like me, he loves making music, being in the mountains, and drinking beer (although he’s always stuck with Miller Lite).

But… I realize there’s nothing I can do about this situation from here. As sad as this is, death is a part of life for everyone– even the best people. So, instead of waxing poetic or praying for a miracle, I’ve decided to write about something I find quite funny.

I probably wrote about this guy on my old blog. I’ve just now done a cursory search to find out if I have, but Blogger is so wonky now, and won’t give me all possible results. I started writing my old blog in 2010, but if I search Blogger, I won’t get anything from before, oh, 2016 or so. It’s annoying, and I have over 3000 posts on that blog, which makes trying to find old stuff very difficult. So… if I have written about this before and it’s a rerun, I apologize. I just need a good laugh, for several reasons besides the impending death of a loved one.

Meet Ben Ryan Metzger. In fact, you may have already “met” him. I first became aware of him about ten years ago, when Bill and I were living in Germany the first time. Back then, I read a hilarious blog called Psychotic Letters From Men. The blog, which was discontinued just a few months after I started reading it, was about psychotic overtures of affection or spite delivered by jilted men. Some of the stories were creepy. Many were hilarious for all the wrong reasons. People were sending videos, social media posts, and emails to the blogger, who would repost them with funny commentary. I’m sure it was very embarrassing for the perpetrators, but it was also comedy gold for looky lous like me.

Anyway, Ben Ryan is quite the hunk…. or at least he was in 2009 or so. Two years before he was blogged about on Psychotic Letters from Men, he had a traumatic breakup with a girl named Loren. Apparently, he was so broken up about losing Loren, that he decided to make a video for her entitled Lost Love Story. Here it is, in all its cheesy glory.

Wow… this all seems pretty pointless. He’s probably made some YouTube bank, though. At this writing, his video has over 2.7 million views.

I have watched this video more than a few times. Every time I watch it, it makes me cringe anew. However, if there’s one thing Ben Ryan can take some heart in knowing, it’s that his cheesy love story has inspired so many people. I know I’ve written about him before. I’ve seen several music videos/parodies posted on YouTube paying special homage to Ryan’s “love” for long, lost Loren. This one is especially catchy. You can even dance to it.

I love the syncopated percussion in this. It sounds like it’s saying “dipshit” over and over again.

In fact, I think I might even enjoy this horrible little song more than the movie video, mainly because the sheer crappiness of the singer’s vocals suit the lyrics so well. The person who wrote the lyrics really captured the essence of Ryan’s “love story”, which is a study in pure narcissism. I also love the nasty synthesizer, which gives this song an especially cringeworthy quality that really suits this number and its subject matter. I mean, yeah, Ben has an impressive body, and he might even be a nice enough person, but I think he’s more in love with himself than with Loren, who appears to be nothing more than a possession to him. Maybe he was just really immature when he decided to make this video, but to me, it seems more about him showing off his muscles by tossing hay bales and boulders and moving tractor tires than expressing true love for a girl.

What the hell does riding a quad bike have to do with true love?

I just came across this video, supposedly by Loren’s friends, who claim that it really was a true love story and they were broken up by Loren’s parents, who didn’t want her dating a “poor farmer”. I have no way of knowing if what this person says is true or even if they are actually friends of Loren’s and Ben’s. Maybe their account is truthful. Maybe Ben is really just a swell guy. But his original video sure seems to tell a different story.

Truth or fiction? Don’t know.

I read somewhere that Ben had designs on becoming the next Captain America. He writes in his description that he produced this film entirely by himself, yet that obviously can’t be true. Someone had to film him, right? And of course, he used music. Most notably, he used “When I See You Smile” by Bad English. Actually, it was Bad English that made me think of Ben today. A friend posted Bad English’s 80s era video and it reminded me of this cornfest.

Well, I hope Ben and Loren have managed to go on living after this tragic death of a romance. I see people have had mixed reactions to it. Some people think it’s a heartwarming video. I remember more than a couple of people saying they thought Ben was a hottie. Other people think it’s creepy, corny, or just plain weird. I’m just glad it’s still around to make me laugh when I need a good one.

Hope everyone has a delightful Friday and an even better weekend.