Tag Archives: mean people

celebrities, condescending twatbags, mental health, rants, sex

People hate the successful…

I’m happy to report that I’m feeling somewhat well this morning. Over the past few days, my stomach and, I suspect, my gallbladder, have been giving me issues. Add in the residual cough from my recent cold/acid reflux, and you have someone who isn’t super sick, but has been feeling pretty crappy lately. It got bad enough the other day that I actually started looking at hospitals in Yerevan, not because I want to seek medical treatment there, but because I figured I might need emergency gallbladder surgery.

To be clear, I don’t WANT to have surgery in Armenia, or anywhere else, for that matter. I just wanted to see if the facilities had improved since I lived there in the 90s. I did once visit a friend who was in the hospital in Armenia in 1996, and it was definitely a “rustic” experience for her. I think the hospitals are probably markedly better now, but I’d still rather have any medical procedures done in Germany or somewhere similarly first world. This isn’t even to say that there aren’t good doctors in Armenia. I know there are. But I’d still much rather have surgery in Germany, if I can help it.

This morning, I’m feeling like I can put off surgery. I got a relatively good night’s sleep after I took some NyQuil, and my stomach is feeling a lot better. The nagging pressure and vague pain have mostly disappeared. I will probably need to have my gallbladder taken out at some point pretty soon, but it no longer feels like it has to be this week. I haven’t been eating dinner since Bill left on Sunday, since I can’t be bothered to cook. I’ve also been teetotaling. If I manage to stay off the sauce until next week, maybe I’ll feel like a teenager again. That, of course, is a joke… 😉 Also, it’s entirely possible that I need medication, instead of surgery.

I do think I have gallstones, though, because I’ve infrequently been having the classic symptoms for about twenty years. Plus, my dad had to have his gallbladder removed, and these things can run in families… Or, he had it removed because it was inflamed and he was in pain. Unfortunately, he never recovered from the surgery and died shortly after he had his gallbladder excised. I don’t expect that would happen to me, since I’m a lot younger than he was when he had his out, and I don’t have Lewy Body Dementia. Pity… 😉 (sorry, a little black humor creeping in there)

Since I do feel much better today, I want to write about something I’ve noticed in the wake of Britney Spears’ new tell all book hitting the market. People really hate the successful, don’t they? Poor Britney can’t catch a break anywhere, especially from empathy challenged men, and their equally tone deaf female counterparts.

In her book, The Woman in Me, Britney Spears disclosed that she had an abortion when she was dating Justin Timberlake. She explained that she hadn’t wanted to have the abortion, but Justin was adamant that he didn’t want to be a father at that time in his life. They were too young. At the time of Britney’s unplanned pregnancy, Justin and Britney were just barely legal adults. Both had extremely successful careers going. While I think it’s likely Britney could have chosen differently, she decided to defer to Justin and terminate the pregnancy.

Britney took pills to end her pregnancy while she was at home, so no one would ever know about her decision. Justin and an assistant were there as she did it. She wrote that he strummed the guitar in an effort to help her feel better, and that the abortion was “excruciating”. Below is a passage from The Woman in Me regarding how she decided to have an abortion…

Well, Justin was right that they were too young… It was very pragmatic thinking. Too bad they weren’t practical enough to either use birth control or abstain.
Poor Britney… Her description of this scenario is one reason why I don’t think men have any right to have a say at all in abortion decisions. They aren’t the ones who will be physically hurting.
She may have loved him, but he sure as hell never loved her. But at least she doesn’t have to maintain ties to him today.

Justin Timberlake is now getting a ration of shit because of Britney’s book. It was so bad that he turned off comments on his Instagram. Now, people are flooding Jessica Biel’s Instagram to vent about this. Jessica Biel, for your information, is Justin Timberlake’s wife. They have children together.

I’ve seen so many awful comments about Britney’s decision to do as Justin demanded. Many people blame her entirely for her choice to have an abortion, rather than ignoring Justin’s wishes and having the baby. I think it’s important to remember how very young Britney Spears was at the time, and how a lot of young women at that age often want to please other people, particularly when they come from small Southern towns. Yes, Britney Spears was a legal adult when she made this choice, but she was also still a teenager… and, I think, much too young and immature to be having sex with anyone.

Britney Spears does also have a long, documented history of mental illness. Having an abortion probably was the most practical decision for Britney to make at that time, which doesn’t mean that it wasn’t an absolutely horrifying experience for her, or anyone else who chooses to have an abortion. I hasten to add, it also doesn’t mean that Britney’s experience with abortion is every woman’s experience with it. I hope Britney’s story doesn’t end up being used as “pro-life/anti-choice” propaganda. I don’t think anyone WANTS to have an abortion for fun. It’s a sad, difficult, and ultimately very personal decision that absolutely should be 100 percent the pregnant woman’s sole decision. It’s still HER body, at least until the fetus is developed enough to safely be born. She’s the one who went through the excruciating cramps and pain as Justin played guitar. I guess I can give him a couple of points for at least hanging around while the deed was done.

This should have been a private matter; but because Britney Spears has been a public commodity since she was a teenager, her abortion is now fodder for public commentary. Predictably, the comments are very judgmental and sometimes pretty cruel. I’ve seen a lot of people complaining about Britney acting like a victim and– horrors!– SELLING her story, instead of donating the proceeds to a charity. How DARE Britney Spears make money off her story! Even though she has had an abusive, alcoholic, asshole of a father dictating her every move for 13 years!

The more I read about Britney’s book, especially after having read it myself, the more I think a lot of people are just plain bitter about Britney Spears and people like her. She happened to be born with formidable talents that could be packaged and sold to the masses. A lot of the decisions made about her destiny were made when she was a just a child. Before she even hit 18 years old, she was a product responsible for the livelihoods of a lot of people. Yes, she was legally an adult who could technically make decisions, but she was also being controlled by family members at a time when her brain wasn’t fully developed. Add in mental health issues and being sheltered and immature, and you have someone who might decide to listen to her boyfriend when he says he wants her to have an abortion– even though it’s HER body, and ultimately her decision!

And then, Britney Spears has a mental health breakdown that is very public, with people ridiculing, shaming, and laughing at her, and that lands her in a very restrictive conservatorship, where she can’t even decide what to eat every day. But she’s well enough to perform, and make money for all of those people handling her career! Now, some people are using her book as “proof” that the conservatorship was a good thing… because how dare Britney write about having an abortion and make money!

I tell you what… my heart goes out to Britney Spears. As a woman– as someone who sings– as someone who had a controlling, alcoholic, abusive father– hell, as someone from the South– I can identify with her predicament. I wish Britney Spears had never had sex with Justin Timberlake, or anyone else who had so little respect for her. I’m glad I waited for marriage, and I’m glad I never had any desire to be a famous pop star, nor did I have parents who knew I could sing when I was still a minor. Of course, I also wasn’t blessed with the kind of raw and natural sex appeal Britney has. Is that a blessing or a curse? Because a lot of the men who are blaming her for getting pregnant as a teenager, probably, would have happily “hit that”, regardless of Britney’s mental health issues. A lot of those men would “hit that” even today, in spite of thinking she’s a victim who “blames everybody” for her problems.

I think people should be a lot less casual about sexual activity. It’s not because I’m a religious prude or anything. I just think it’s the most practical thing to do, especially when you’re very young and still figuring out life. But, I also know that most people will have casual sex, and most of them won’t take every precaution. I don’t know if Justin Timberlake was using a condom when he was having sex with Britney Spears, nor do I know if she was using birth control. My guess is that they weren’t being as careful as they could have been at the time… because they were very young and very horny. Young bodies are made to reproduce, so it makes sense that it happened. It could have been avoided, but again– they were kids, and not quite ready to be having sex with anyone.

Anyway… this is all water under the bridge. It’s been a long time… and I don’t think either Britney or Justin should be harassed for making this decision. The fact that so many people are getting upset enough about it to send hateful comments to either party is just more proof that these two famous people– beautiful, talented, and wealthy– have been reduced to products that perfect strangers feel perfectly free to judge. I guess it gives them something to do before they head off to their perfectly, average, mundane jobs.

I probably should quit reading comment sections… they always make me realize just how awful so many people are. I just read about Frances Bean Cobain getting married again. There were so many disgusting jokes referencing Kurt Cobain’s suicide. I mean… what prompts people to be so cruel? My guess is that it’s just plain old bitterness and envy. Such a shame.

Well, I think I’ll end today’s post and move on to my next chores… folding laundry, walking Noyzi, cooking a chicken, and practicing guitar. See you all tomorrow.

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communication, complaints, dogs, narcissists, overly helpful people, rants, religion

Damn this inappropriate comment Stau on the information superhighway!

In the German language, the word “Stau” refers to the inevitable traffic jams that form, especially on the Autobahn system. Bill and I have been in a lot of Staus over the years. They are almost always annoying and frustrating, especially when we’re miles from an Ausfahrt and we both have to pee. They shut down movement and flow. They waste time. They piss people off and put them in sour moods.

Today’s title was inspired by a classic song by James Taylor and my own experiences in Staus all over Germany.

I’m reminded of the term “Stau” this morning, having experienced a communication breakdown on the Recovery from Mormonism messageboard. Before I get into the specifics of what happened, I want to make it plain that this post isn’t a plea for advice or “wisdom”. In fact, unsolicited advice is what led to my decision to write about the “comment Stau” in the first place. I hope that anyone who reads this will take a moment to think twice before trying to be an “overly helpful person” and offering hurting people unsolicited advice. When it comes down to it, unsolicited advice is basically criticism. I don’t need criticism right now.

If you read yesterday’s posts, you know that Bill and I lost a very special family member yesterday. Our dog Arran had some kind of catastrophic medical event on Thursday night. We consequently decided to send him to the Rainbow Bridge yesterday morning. Arran was a big part of our lives. Naturally, I shared the news about him on a few sites. In retrospect, maybe that was the wrong thing to do, since there are a lot of assholes in the world, and every time you share something online, you run the risk of running into one or more of them.

I shared a post on the Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) site yesterday, because I’ve been posting there for over 20 years. I don’t post there very often anymore, because Mormonism no longer really affects my life. But I do have a few friends on that site, even though there are quite a few people there who I think have some legitimate issues. That site also attracts many trolls, though the moderators do a pretty good job of enforcing the rules.

Someone left me a really kind comment about my tribute to Arran and his name’s association with Scotland. I left a rather lengthy reply, since she seemed genuinely interested in the origin of his name. I explained how we came to acquire Arran and why we gave him his name, after a beautiful island in Scotland.

Then I got a very mean comment from a troll. I didn’t copy what the person (I’m assuming a male) wrote, but the gist of it was that the quality of the board was going to hell because of “off topic” posts like mine, and no one gives a fuck about my “stupid deceased mutt” (he literally used the word “fuck”, albeit with a different spelling.).

I’ll be honest. I was legitimately stung by the callousness of that person’s comment to me. I actually cried when I read that troll’s cruel words. It was like a hard slap to the face. I wanted to return fire with a well aimed kick straight to the troll’s balls that would leave him doubled over in extreme pain and unlikely to want to ever utter such blatant disrespect to me again. What can I say? I have my own anger issues, and when it comes to outright abuse, I am very saturated. I don’t tolerate it well at all.

My first impulse was to lash out in anger. But then I figured that behind every troll, there’s a hurting person who expects to get attention in the form of angry comments. That person clearly wanted a response, and I was inclined to give him one, but not in the form he expected. So, instead of rightly telling the person to go fuck themselves, I wrote “You know, you could have just kept scrolling. Sorry that you’re hurting so much that you feel the need to be mean to me.” Then I reported the troll’s comment.

I hoped that would be the end of it, but alas, the site’s resident “overly helpful person” decided she needed to chime in. I’ve posted about my issues with the overly helpful on more than one occasion. It seems like every messageboard has one. It’s that person who feels the need to make themselves feel better by trying to micromanage other people, being meddlesome, and inserting themselves in places where they have no business. I think a lot of that kind of controlling behavior has its origins in people who were raised in chaos. Of course, understanding where that behavior comes from doesn’t make it any less irritating.

I don’t actually know much about the person who felt the need to intercede. What I do know is that she’s very active on the site. Other people have implied that she’s really smart, and might actually have an important job (but I don’t know when she has time to work at a job, since she’s apparently always on RfM). Judging by my own interactions with her and observations of her behavior, I would assume that she thinks she really smart, too. She likes to get into arguments with people and show off how “smart” she is. While I absolutely respect intelligent people, there is a fine line between being really smart and allowing that intelligence to show itself naturally, and trying to appear smarter than one actually is, and looking foolish.

In any case, she left me a comment indicating that the person is a troll and is posting crap all over the place. Then she advised me to ignore him.

My response was that yes, obviously, the guy is a troll. However, I am a real person, and his comment legitimately caused me pain. His words made me cry. I don’t know the person behind the screen. For all I know, he’s a twelve year old kid in his mother’s basement. Or maybe he’s a 35 year old man with a twelve year old kid’s maturity level in his mother’s basement. Or maybe he’s a sadistic pervert. I don’t know.

I simply wanted to issue a reminder to him that there’s a person behind the screen who read those words and they were hurtful. And instead of lashing out with anger and profanity, I wanted that person to get an even-keeled comment that addresses their need to attack, expressing sorrow for the obvious pain they must be in to feel compelled to share it so stunningly with perfect strangers who are obviously already grieving.

The overly helpful woman came back and pointed out that I was just giving the troll “fuel” and feeding his “sick impulses.” And I should just let the moderators deal with him. I didn’t respond to her directly, but I suppose I could have mirrored the same fucking observation to her. She didn’t need to insert herself into that interaction and offer me criticism on my retort. I’m a 50 year old woman of average intelligence who doesn’t need her help in deciding how to address other people when they insult me. Her comments were patronizing, unnecessary, and out of place. And they shut down communication, just like a good, old-fashioned Stau.

Revealing that the initial comment made me cry isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that I have a heart, and a soul, and people who hurl abuse at me do damage. I didn’t feel anger so much that the person indicated that they felt my post was “inappropriate”. It was that they referred to Arran as a “stupid deceased mutt”. He was so much more than that. Reading those words enraged me, because they were completely uncalled for and cruel. And if that cowardly person had said that to my face, I probably would have slapped him HARD across the mouth, if he was lucky. And then I probably would have gotten arrested.

What’s more, obviously a few people did care, and said they enjoyed the tribute. I hope they were being sincere. If not, their choice to humor me is on them. Everybody else can do the decent thing and just keep scrolling, rather than kicking a person when they’re down. I can’t imagine that the people running that messageboard really mean to shut down communication. Those kinds of critical comments, especially when they’re spiteful and mean, make people not want to post anymore. I’m sure thinking I might not post again after that incident.

I do my best not to engage the “overly helpful”. I seem to have something in my personality that brings them out of the woodwork. I suppose it’s a sign that I need to work on not caring about what other people say or think… but again, prick me and I bleed. My feelings are raw because we just lost a big chunk out of our hearts. Arran was a part of our lives for over ten years… half our marriage! And while his passing wasn’t directly related to Mormonism, having him in our lives was a big part of Bill’s recovery from Mormonism. So maybe my post there about Arran’s death wasn’t so off topic, after all…

The troll chastised me for not posting about “recovery from Mormonism”… but Arran had a lot to do with our recovery. I wasn’t a Mormon, but the religion has touched me nevertheless, because of Bill, and because of his younger daughter, who is still active. Fortunately, she seems to have picked up the good parts of the faith instead of the toxic ones, that still show themselves among recovering people, including the “overly helpful” woman who feels the need to butt in on every fucking thing anyone posts there.

Hurting people hurt others… and toxic behavior is contagious. I tried not to be contagious when I addressed the troll’s obvious pain, rather than just advising him to go fuck off and die. But if I’m honest, he can do that, too. 😉 I won’t shed any tears for that.

One last thought… and this one has to do with Arran.

When we lose our dogs, we usually get “signs” from them. I mentioned yesterday, that when we were on our way home from the vet’s office, the 1991 song “Shiny Happy People” by R.E.M. came on the radio. I’m not the biggest fan of R.E.M., and I see no reason why that song would be particularly meaningful, as it was about the behavior of Chinese people after the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989. It’s kind of a sarcastic song about “shiny, happy people” carrying on after a bloody tragedy… as communism promotes Utopia that can’t really exist as long as humans are the way they are.

Bill commented on “Shiny, Happy People” as we pulled into the driveway, and said he felt it was a sign from Arran. Of course, Arran’s time was long after that song was a hit, and it’s not like we play a lot of R.E.M. at our house. But then last night, as we were raising a glass to Arran’s memory at the wine stand, there it was again. The song “Shiny, Happy People” was playing in the kiosk… the second time we heard it that day. And then I realized it came from an album titled Out of Time. I dunno. It kind of makes sense. But maybe I just need to get out more.

Also… the steps I so carefully purchased for Arran just arrived. Guess we’ll hang onto them. Maybe they’ll come in handy.

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communication, modern problems, social media

Compassion fatigued woman writes, “I don’t give a hoot about you…”

This morning, I happened to read an article in The New York Times about how the recent Gridiron dinner turned into a COVID-19 “superspreader” event. The annual “A-list” event, is held for journalists and politicians by The Gridiron Club and Foundation. Last week, many famous and powerful people, including Judge Merrick Garland and President Biden’s sister, Valerie Biden Owens, were in attendance at the dinner. One week later, over 50 people who attended the dinner, most of whom mingled maskless for hours, sipping cocktails, enjoying food, and watching skits, tested positive for COVID-19. Fortunately, no serious illnesses have been reported. Everyone who attended had to prove that they were fully vaccinated, although they were not required to present negative COVID test results.

I checked out the comment section. Sure enough, I found the usual reactions. Lots of people had obviously commented without reading. There were some political statements made. Many people were smugly informing the masses of their personal practices regarding COVID prevention, while simultaneously lecturing everybody else on what they should be doing. Some people were derisive, while others were insisting that COVID is no worse than a cold or flu. All I could do was shake my head.

People sure are “ugly” these days. It’s sad.

Just as I was about to move on from the article, I noticed a particularly interesting exchange. It reminded me of my “fuckery” with Mary last week, when she left me a nasty comment because I wrote the word “ridiculous” in a comment section. These three women– total strangers– butted heads. And one of them wrote, “I don’t give a hoot about you.” Wow… that comment made me recall the old Woodsy Owl PSAs about and not polluting. “Give a hoot! Don’t pollute!”

Who says “I don’t give a hoot” anymore?

So, looking at this discussion, it involved three women. One tried to be empathic, even as she corrected the hostile woman’s use of “affect” vs. “effect”. The other was somewhat “nice” at first, then seemed to get angry and told the hostile one to “f off”. And the hostile one wrote what, I think, a lot of people are feeling right now. She’s “over” the pandemic crap. She’s got compassion fatigue. I can relate to that, even though I don’t think I’m as mean as she seems to be.

“I don’t give a hoot about you.” At least she’s honest. /shrug

I think the hostile woman is tired of caring about COVID, like a lot of us are. It takes energy to be worried, and a lot of us don’t have energy to spare. A lot of us are tired of preachy comments from people like the first commenter, telling everyone to “wear masks”, “socially distant” [sic] (funny how she corrects the hostile woman but doesn’t correct her own mistake), and “get vaccinated”. I know people are frustrated, but I wonder if the folks who feel the need to preach have ever actually changed anyone’s minds when they order people around in comment sections. Why would a stranger in a comment section heed your unsolicited advice about COVID? Hostile lady who says she “doesn’t give a hoot” is being brutally honest about the state of things and how she feels about it. And she obviously doesn’t want to be convinced otherwise. If she hasn’t listened to the experts, why would she listen to a random commenter on Facebook? It’s baffling.

I don’t agree with the hostile poster’s opinions that the vaccines don’t work. They obviously do help people stay out of hospitals. I also don’t think her other opinions about people being “lazy” are accurate, either. Some people are lazy, but not all of them are. To me, she just sounds like someone who’s over the whole thing. I can’t blame her for that.

However, as someone who has lived the last two years in a country where masking never went away, I don’t believe that masks are all that effective. They might have helped in the very beginning, when we had no vaccines or anything, but their current effectiveness is probably pretty marginal. Here in Germany, we’ve been forced to wear the godawful FFP2 masks for awhile now, and yet COVID cases continue to rise. I suspect it might be because while we all have had to wear masks, we haven’t been forced to cover our eyes. The virus can also infect people through that conduit. Also, the masks come off for certain activities, plus people don’t wear them properly or replace them as often as they should. So, in my opinion, mask wearing is largely theater. I also think that we’re all eventually going to get infected, no matter what we do. That’s not to say that I think people shouldn’t try to avoid getting sick. It’s just that it’s probably inevitable… and as another poster wrote, there are a lot of other problems in the world that we need to pay some attention to at this point.

As for the Gridiron dinner, it sounds like the COVID infections are a bit of a non-issue. A week later, over 50 people got the virus, but they’ve all reported mild symptoms, because they were all vaccinated. Pretty soon, COVID spread could turn out to be a lot less newsworthy, since it’s going to spread. That’s what viruses do. So, it’s probably time for us to find ways to either clean the air, block the virus, or treat the symptoms effectively.

I did find it interesting that the first commenter– the one who demanded that people go back to following the rules– felt the need to tell the hostile woman that she’s a “nice” person and doesn’t want to spread COVID. The hostile woman made it very clear that she doesn’t care. She doesn’t give a hoot. She’s like a lot of people right now– totally over the whole thing. So why was the “nice” person trying to engage with her? The other lady who commented– the one who wrote that she worked two jobs and got a college degree– was correct in realizing that the woman who didn’t give a hoot doesn’t care. She told her to “f off”. And yet she still tried to engage with hostile lady. LOL… I don’t know why ANY of them bothered commenting. What a waste of time. But at least it gave me something to write about besides Ex.

I think, when it comes to COVID-19, I’m pretty much middle of the road. Even though the mask mandates were supposedly lifted in Germany last weekend, I haven’t rushed to go out into the world again. It’s not because I’m necessarily “afraid” of the virus. To be honest, watching how things are deteriorating in the world these days, I don’t think it would be such a bad thing to be beamed up, although I would rather that experience not be painful. But I don’t want to deal with the mask bullshit. We aren’t legally required to wear them anymore in most places, but there’s still the whole social pressure crap to deal with and silent judgment from other people who probably ought to be minding their own business. I do think the vaccines are worth getting, and I think they are more effective than the masks are. Like I said– Germans have never stopped wearing them, but people are still getting sick. And I doubt people are going to appreciate being told to wear safety goggles in public. What does work is staying away from other people.

Anyway… at the end of the month, we will be taking a trip to three different countries. Hopefully, we won’t get sick. But if we do get sick, at least that particular cherry will be popped. Hopefully, we will survive. I do feel for the hostile lady. She probably isn’t really as mean as she seems. She’s just tired of this shit, as are we all, and being ordered to be “nice”, “kind”, and “compassionate” by a sanctimonious stranger is annoying. She probably just wants to be left alone, yet wants to communicate that to the masses, who feel compelled to respond to her. And I feel for the other ladies who are concerned and want to be helpers– or influencers– or whatever. However, they probably ought to get clued in on the fact that most people really don’t give a hoot anymore. Being empathic and kind is good… but don’t expect to change hearts and minds that are resolutely made up… and fed up.

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complaints, mental health, rants

Certain people remind me why I prefer hanging out with dogs…

Fair warning… this post is kind of cranky and negative. You may not want to read it, but I really felt like writing it.

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine shared a stale Facebook post about the importance of getting COVID vaccines, even if we don’t know what’s in them. The post also reminded everyone that we don’t know what’s in a lot of things we consume. My friend added the comment that people who refuse to be vaccinated should not be shown compassion or mercy when they eventually get sick with COVID-19.

That post, along with an accompanying judgmental, frustrated, angry attitude, was one I have seen many times since the vaccines first became available. I couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of irritation as I prepared to scroll past it. I mean, it’s been two years. Most people have made up their minds and don’t necessary want or need a stale PSA/meme/recycled social media post to change their views.

But then I noticed that one of my friend’s friends had written a rebuttal– not against the wisdom of getting inoculated, but against the attitude that people who don’t get vaccinated are undeserving of medical care. I liked what the man said– that there is no “sin” in not getting vaccinated, especially since the initial promises regarding vaccination turned out to be somewhat invalid.

Let me make it abundantly clear that I do believe the vaccinations are good, and I certainly recommend that people get the shots. I have been fully vaccinated and boosted against COVID-19, and I spend most of my time alone in my house. I take my dogs for walks, but other than that, I don’t go around other people. When I do go around others, I wear a mask as required. And it’s not even so much COVID-19 that has forced me into this isolated lifestyle. I kind of fell into it years ago, when I found myself outside of the work world.

I used to enjoy going out on the weekends, visiting tourist sites, and eating in restaurants. But now, thanks to the miserable and ever changing COVID-19 rules in Europe, even that’s unappealing to me. It’s too confusing, inconvenient, and potentially embarrassing to go out into the world. So I stay home and read hyperbolic comments from high and mighty people in the United States, bitching about how uncaring other people are, and how if they get sick and aren’t vaccinated, they totally deserve to suffer.

My friend had posted about how irresponsible and uncaring unvaccinated people were running around “murdering” people by being infectious. From the very beginning, I have cringed when I’ve read or heard someone accuse someone with COVID of “murder”. Folks, at best, someone who spreads COVID-19 might be guilty of negligent homicide or involuntary manslaughter. And even that is a stretch, given that people pick up germs all the time, in all sorts of situations, and there are many variables that influence how well their bodies will cope with, and hopefully recover from, any of the germs they pick up.

Murder generally requires premeditation and malice, and using the extreme and alarmist term “murder” is, in my view, an unnecessary overstatement– especially since most people who get COVID do eventually recover, at least to some extent. This situation sucks plenty already, and it’s already caused incredible hardship and grief. We don’t need to make it worse by calling people who spread COVID “murderers”, when they would never fit the definition of “murderer” in a court of law– at least not in the United States.

My friend also wrote that people who are unvaccinated should not have access to medical care. And again, as I have repeatedly stated, I highly disagree with that view– especially from someone who professes to be a devout Christian, as my friend does. I am not particularly religious myself, but I did go to church for many years. And I was taught that Jesus Christ had compassion and mercy, especially for the sick. Jesus would not deny medical care to someone who needs it, even if that person could have avoided severe illness by getting vaccinated and taking precautions.

Moreover, even if the unvaccinated person has wantonly avoided vaccination and adopted an uncaring, callous attitude, chances are good that the person will still be missed by someone. Chances are also good that someone relied on that person and now no longer has them. That person in need could be a child, or an elderly person, or someone with special needs. Now, their life is going to be upended because someone they needed got sick and died unexpectedly… and people are mocking them, to boot! These people who call for us to have compassion and consideration for others are actually laughing at people who have died of COVID. Of course, dead people aren’t the ones who hear the laughter; it’s their grieving friends and loved ones who are left to deal with that.

Ah– but you might say, if that was the case, then the person should have made it a priority to get vaccinated. To that, I might agree– except we never know why a person has avoided getting the shots. It could be because they simply don’t care, or it could be because he or she has to work, and can’t afford to take time off to recover from potential side effects of the vaccine. Or maybe that person lives in an area that isn’t near a place where he or she can get the shots. There are a lot of “food deserts” in the United States. I would imagine that the food deserts are also pharmaceutical deserts. In any case, I don’t think it’s helpful to laugh about someone’s death. It happens to all of us at some point.

So, I found myself responding with most of the above points to my friend, even though I hesitated at first. I added that here in Europe, lawmakers have tackled the problem of unvaccinated people by trying to make life harder for them. In some areas, for instance, unvaccinated people are being fined, and some are losing their jobs over lack of vaccination. Here in Germany, an unvaccinated person often can’t go into a restaurant or a non-essential retail outlet. They can’t go to theaters or sports arenas. Even those who have been twice vaccinated have to show a negative test result or proof that they’ve been boosted. And guess what! The virus is STILL spreading!

That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be taking precautions. It just means that all of the preaching and yammering about masks and vaccines, as if they are going to save humanity, is not necessarily based in truth. Vaccines make severe sicknesses and deaths from COVID less likely, but they don’t entirely stop sicknesses and deaths from happening. So shaming people for not doing exactly what they’re told is kind of pointless, since even if they do what they’re supposed to do, they still might get sick. And no doubt about it, every person WILL someday die of something.

Last night, Bill took Noyzi to the vet to get routine doggy vaccines. Before he could get services, he had to show the receptionist his ID, plus his “COVPass”, which is an app on his phone that provides proof that he’s had his three shots. And then, he STILL had to wait outside. Then he was ushered into the treatment room where our sweet Zane was euthanized in 2019, before all of this stupid shit started.

So what prompted this post? Over the past couple of days, I’ve seen several other “tut tut” posts from supposed friends about the importance of masking and vaccines. And folks, I’ll be honest… I am so sick of seeing them. It’s been two years. If people haven’t gotten the message by now, I doubt they ever will. These kinds of PSAs tend to elicit positive responses from those who have already jumped on the bandwagon, and derisive, snarky responses from those who think masking is a waste of time. And then there are people like me, who just want to get on with life and be done with this shit, for better or worse.

Are people really going to put on a mask because they saw this? I also hate the cutesy little slogans, like “mask up”. I feel like telling a person who says this to “fuck off.” I know that’s not nice, but it’s my honest reaction.

Also… as someone who never saw Star Wars, this reference is lost on me, anyway. Bill is a Star Wars fan, so he clued me in. I know people are going to share this shit anyway, so writing this post is really my only action against this practice. I’m also a firm believer that people should share what they want to on their social media accounts. Still, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t vexed by the constant preaching and lecturing.

Not surprisingly, this one comes from the Cook County Department of Public Health.

While I agree that it is responsible to wear a mask when you’re in a crowd of people, I find these kinds of shaming posts irritating and offensive. Because again– those who don’t believe in masking are not going to be swayed by something like this, and those who are onboard with the program will be cheerleading, and people like me, who believe in science, but are fucking sick of reading and hearing about COVID, are just going to be aggravated by it. When I see these posts, I’m just reminded of how much this sucks. Ditto to those who argue with strangers online, and implore them with comments like “Please educate yourself.” as if they are the authority on all things.

I do hope that COVID-19 will present us with a “silver lining” of sorts. Like, for instance, I think our healthcare system needs a massive overhaul, particularly in terms of the financial aspects of it. Obviously, we all need access to affordable healthcare. In the case of a contagious disease like COVID-19, it’s absolutely crucial and essential that people be able to access competent healthcare, even if some people think the unvaccinated shouldn’t get treatment or comfort measures. That person who stubbornly refused to be vaccinated can still spread the virus, you know, even as they writhe in the death throes that some think they richly deserve. It’s in our best interest to take care of the sick people, even if they chose not to be vaccinated or, in some cases, simply were unable to access the shots. You probably won’t know which case they fall under, and honestly, who’s got time to ask?

Maybe this situation will help us prepare for the next pandemic, and you know there will be one. Hopefully, by the time it hits, I’ll already be dead. But maybe some people will learn from this… maybe. Or maybe some really smart person will come up with ways to make mitigating this virus easier and more effective, so life won’t be so shitty anymore. One can always hope. But for now, I’m probably going to continue to be really crabby. At least I still have my dogs.

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condescending twatbags, healthcare, lessons learned

“You don’t want to have anything to do with an asshole like that…” George Carlin

Yesterday’s post garnered more interest than I expected it would. I enjoyed writing it, but as I was writing, it occurred to me that dealing with stupid insults from clueless people– especially men– is a common theme in my life. The Internet has always been a place of less civilized behavior, but it’s gotten a lot worse lately. There are many reasons for that.

I think it started getting worse when Donald Trump became president. He did not win by a landslide in 2016, so there were many people who were angry about the election. They took to social media to vent. Meanwhile, Trump supporters gloated that “their guy” won, and a lot of them became kind of rude and nasty. Both groups had even less regard for others than they used to, say, ten years ago.

This morning, I read a post I wrote back in April 2020. A Trump supporter had posted a picture of Donald Trump flipping people off with both fingers with the caption “Still your president.” In response to that photo, I posted a picture of Trump with a frog superimposed on his chin. Yes, it was kind of saucy, but at least it wasn’t profane. After a couple more increasingly intense comments, the Trump supporter ended up calling me a “cunt”. Then, when I responded in kind, he blocked me. 😀

I know I should have ignored him. For the most part, I do try to ignore people who say and do provocative things. It never ends well, although I don’t mind being blocked by someone who called me a “cunt”. That’s kind of a low blow, even if I don’t know the person, so I didn’t take the insult personally. I did notice, however, that my less than offended response to being called a “cunt” seemed to really offend the guy. I mean, he was offended by a photo of Trump with a frog on his face after he posted a picture of Trump, as still president, flipping everybody off! Then, after trading insults with and finally going to “fightin’ words”, he blocks me when I give him what he was dishing out! It’s hilarious!

For some reason, a lot of men feel like calling women “cunts” is the ultimate power move. In my view, when someone resorts to calling a total stranger a word like that, that means they’ve lost the argument and need to hurl the worst insults they can think of. But I think that if the word “cunt” is the best word you can come up with to verbally slay someone, your shit’s pretty weak.

Likewise, yesterday’s encounter with “Rick” was pretty disappointing and uncivilized. Rick decided to go “ad hominem” in his argument with others. Anyone who disagreed with his comments was fair game for an ad hominem attack. In my case, he wrongly implied that men don’t want to have sex with me. He’s wrong, because as a happily married woman, there is at least one man in my life who loves having sex with me. There may even be others out there, too. In my experience, there are a lot of men who don’t even care too much about what a woman looks like if there’s a chance that they can have sex. They might not ever speak to the woman again, but by God, if she’s willing to put out, they’re showing up for it. 😀 So Rick’s comment was especially stupid… but it was also kind of mean, and unnecessary.

Lately, I think being “mean” is the order of the day. Because along with Donald Trump, and his campaign of being rude and insulting to people, COVID-19 also came along. COVID-19 is some very scary shit, and people who are taking it seriously are pretty fed up with the so-called deniers and rule flouters. And so, some of these folks have lost their basic sense of decency and civility and they’re posting things that are just nasty and, frankly, uncalled for, as well as occasionally just wrong.

For example, yesterday I read an article about vaccine refusers and a proudly vaccinated woman named Karen wrote that if she and an unvaccinated person both showed up at a hospital at the same time, she should be the one who gets medical care. Why? Because she did as she was told, and got vaccinated. Forget the fact that traditionally, when it comes to medical care, providers triage all comers. That means that if you’re not as sick as the other person because you got the vaccine, you will be waiting. That’s called following medical ethics.

It may not seem right or fair, but in the grand scheme of things, not providing the sicker person with medical care is still putting innocent people at risk. That unvaccinated person is going to spread the virus more than a vaccinated person will, and he or she will need more help. We can bitch and moan as much as we want about people who don’t want to get with the program, but when it comes down to it, it’s not ethically right to deny them care. Still, Karen, was insisting that we should just tell non-vaccinated people to go die in the street or something. I couldn’t help but think that Karen was aptly named. 😉 Although, as I have repeatedly stated, I hate the trend of using people’s first names as pejoratives.

I haven’t been in the United States since 2014, so I have missed all of Trump’s presidency, as well as the US version of the pandemic. Here in Germany, the face mask mandates for shops and public transportation never went away. Around here, people do hate the fucking things, but they mostly stoically cooperate with the rules. And, when the pandemic is tamed somewhat, local leaders have shown that they will amend the rules. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t people rebelling or complaining, but we’re not seeing some of the sheer selfishness and rudeness here that I have seen described online in the United States. I will forever be grateful to Germany for letting me live here during these very strange times.

But… I do realize that while Trump and his supporters are pretty insufferable, some people on the other side are just as bad. People who laugh at those who get really sick and die, for instance, are just shitty. Because even if the person might have “asked” for it by not taking precautions, it’s still a pretty horrible way to die, and there are innocent people who will be impacted by it. You may feel better for a few minutes laughing at the father of a newborn who mocked vaccines and died, but he still has an innocent infant son who will forevermore be affected by the loss of his dad. Are you also laughing at that baby’s loss and eventual pain? If you are, shame on you.

Moreover, sometimes people don’t get vaccinated for legitimate reasons. I read an article in The Atlantic yesterday about how Americans are “getting it wrong” about the unvaccinated. Many people were commenting on it, but I don’t think most of them bothered to read the article. I think that’s a shame, because the article did have some good information. Like, for instance, there’s a reminder that some people haven’t gotten vaccinated because vaccines are not accessible to them, for whatever reason. Say you live in a rural area, but you don’t have a car. The nearest vaccination center is a stout walk. Maybe you won’t get a shot because of that. Or, say you’re a single parent who lacks access to affordable child care. You can’t leave your child alone so you can get the shot. Or, say you work at a job that does not offer paid time off. You can’t afford to take the time to get the shot or deal with the potential side effects.

Rhea Boyd, who is a public health advocate and pediatrician, was interviewed for the article in The Atlantic. She said:

Availability and access aren’t the same thing. If you have to walk the five miles, you’re going to rethink getting vaccinated, especially if you’re elderly, or you have chronic disease, or the round trip is interfering with other things like work. [Much of] our paid workforce doesn’t have flexibility about hours, or couldn’t take a day off if they wanted to. And if you don’t have paid sick leave to deal with the vaccine or the potential side effects of the second dose, you’ll skip it because feeding your family is more important right now.

Child care is also an enormous issue. If you don’t have someone to watch your children, then what do you do? Many of these things the Biden administration has tried to address. They have programs involving Uber and Lyft. Child-care organizations have signed on to help with vaccine appointments. There are tax breaks for companies that offer paid sick leave. These are incredible, but they may not filter down to your area. We need to think about local interventions to help stretch them.

See… I think this is good information and something that privileged people forget to think about when they criticize so-called “anti-vaxxers”. But we’re all so eager to run our figurative mouths about the “type” of person who stubbornly won’t get the vaccine. Boyd continues by stating that we’re shooting ourselves in the foot by demonizing people who aren’t vaccinated. Because now, we can’t even have a civilized conversation about this. As I’ve repeatedly stated since this mess started last year, there’s a tremendous pressure to say and do the “right” things. And if you don’t, you can be assured of being browbeaten by patronizing people who can’t find it within themselves to listen and respond with empathy and understanding. Boyd continues:

The language we use around unvaccinated people comes with a judgment—a condescension that “you’re unvaccinated and it’s your choice at this point.” That attitude is papering Twitter. It’s repeated by our top public-health officials. They’re railing on the unvaccinated as if they’re holding the rest of us back from normalcy. But unvaccinated people aren’t a random group of defectors who are trying to be deviant. They’re not all anti-vaxxers. They’re our kids! Any child under 12 is in that group.

Just now, I looked at the comment I left on The Atlantic’s Facebook page about this article. I got a few laughing reactions, as well as a dismissive comment about how “bad” unvaccinated people are. I also got a self-righteous lecture from an ER nurse about how she didn’t “need” to read the article, because she’s on the front lines. I resisted the urge to offer her a cookie and reiterated that, yes, she DID need to read the article.

Frankly, everyone should read before they comment, rather than just react to headlines and featured photos. As Rhea Boyd pointed out in her comments in The Atlantic’s article, sometimes people really do have legitimate reasons why they haven’t been vaccinated. Yes, it’s true that some folks are being stubborn and willfully ignorant, but there really can be an issue with access for some people, as well as a lack of information and trust. These are REAL issues. Calling people names and not hearing what they have to say is not going to make them cooperate. But, in fairness, I do have an inkling of the frustration and burnout a lot of healthcare providers must be feeling right now. In fact, thanks to the below video, I got more of an inkling of it this morning.

This is a very powerful video by Dr. Catherine O’Neal. It makes a lot of good sense. But I also think there are people who simply need practical and logistical help in getting the vaccine.

I think things would get better if more people simply cooperated and, as hard as it can be, simply tried to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of just lashing out at them. If we stopped politicizing everything and focused on being decent to each other, I think it’s likely that the situation would improve. But people are frustrated, angry, and under pressure from their peer groups and families to pick a side.

I still have a number of Republican friends and loved ones. I don’t disassociate with people simply because of their politics. I do find Trump supporters puzzling, because most of my friends who like Trump truly are decent people, deep down. I don’t understand how decent people can support Trump. Conservatism, I get, but why not demand someone with basic ethics? Is it simply because people think Trump is the only person who can win an election? If so, that’s really sad, and it’s a bleak sign that our future is going to really suck.

Malignant narcissists do not make good leaders. They can’t be good leaders, because in order to be a good leader, one has to care about other people. And malignant narcissists, by definition, only care about themselves. That’s what makes them abusive, petty, childish, and damaging to others. That type of person cannot lead effectively. And Trump has shown us, time and again, that he’s a malignant narcissist. However, so many people have been blinded by his charisma and showmanship, and the fact that he has diarrhea of the mouth and they find it entertaining, that they forget their basic decency.

I can’t say that Joe Biden is the ideal person to lead the country, but I like him much, much more than Trump. The basic fact that he has regard for someone– ANYONE– but himself and his interests, makes him a better leader. I feel safer with him in charge than the unhinged orange turd who brags about molesting women. Trump is focused on making money, satisfying his pleasure center, and being glorified and admired by others. Those are not the traits of a good leader.

Anyway… I guess I’ve prattled on long enough… Comment sections are going to be the death of me. George Carlin was right when he said, “You don’t want to have anything to do with an asshole like that.” Sometimes, it’s really best to keep scrolling and not respond. I do hope this situation improves soon. Because people are definitely getting meaner and less civilized. It makes me envy people like my friend Matt, who has already checked out of this world and moved on to a place where problems don’t exist.

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