blog news, book reviews, celebrities, LDS, mental health

Then again, maybe I won’t… at least not today.

At the end of yesterday’s post, I shared two videos by Mr. Atheist. On those videos, Jimmy Snow, aka Mr. Atheist, reacted to videos put out by anti-abortion activist, Kristan Hawkins. I watched the videos and cringed pretty hard. I thought maybe I would offer my own thoughts on them today, but I think that maybe I’ll postpone that plan. I had written I would comment on them if people were interested. It seems that no one was… or, at least no one is at this point in time. And frankly, I just don’t feel like writing about Kristan Hawkins today. I don’t think I can stomach listening to her talk about why abortions should be outlawed in all cases. Besides, Jimmy already does a pretty good job of explaining why Kristan’s opinions are wrong.

Nope. Today, I think I’d rather write about the book I’m reading right now. I’m finding it much more compelling than I did my previous book, The Case for Heaven, which really didn’t interest me much at all. I was glad to finish Lee Strobel’s book about what comes after death. I moved on to my favorite type of book– a celebrity memoir. I’m currently reading Jennette McCurdy’s new book, I’m Glad My Mom Died. The title alone is very compelling, isn’t it? You just KNOW there’s gonna be a trainwreck.

Meet Jennette McCurdy… she is fascinating.

I’m not quite ready to review this book yet, as I’m only about halfway through it. What I will say for now is that Jennette McCurdy’s story reminds me a little of Melissa Francis’s book, Diary of a Stage Mother’s Daughter: A Memoir. Melissa Francis is, of course, much older than Jennette McCurdy is, but the two have a lot in common. They both suffered stage mothers from hell. Both were actresses, not necessarily because they wanted to be, but because their mothers wanted them to be. Both suffered extreme abuse on all levels. I think Melissa’s mom was more sadistic, while Jennette’s mom was more manipulative and emotionally abusive. Also, to my knowledge, Melissa’s mom is still living, while Jennette’s mom succumbed to breast cancer in 2013.

Before I bought her book, I didn’t even know who Jennette McCurdy is. I’m well beyond the years of watching new Nickelodeon shows– not that the show she was famous for is all that new anymore. Jennette was on iCarly, but she also did guest roles on other shows, commercials, and other stuff. McCurdy’s story is also interesting to me because, besides being raised LDS, she also had problems with eating disorders (which her mother enthusiastically encouraged), anxiety, and obsessive compulsive disorder. The chapters are very short, so even though I’m only halfway through the book, I’ve already gotten to chapter 44 or so. And each chapter is more shocking than the last, as McCurdy shares the sheer nuttiness of her mother, the craziness of being a child actress, her mental health issues, and the religion aspect that complicates everything. The crazy thing is, she NEVER even wanted to be an actress. She just happens to have a talent for acting, and her narcissistic mother exploited it to the hilt.

I have never been LDS myself, but Bill was LDS for awhile. His daughter is still a very active church member, and the LDS church– which was Ex’s idea– has had an impact on my life. I know a lot about the church, its practices, and what its members believe. However, I have never been a member, nor would I ever be one. McCurdy seems to have gotten a lot of comfort from church when she was growing up. I relate to that, because I know Bill’s daughter has also gotten comfort from the church when things were especially crazy as she was growing up. In some ways, I also see a lot of similarities between the way Ex behaves, and the way Jennette’s mother did. She is extremely manipulative, possessive, controlling, and just plain weird. But I’ll get more into that when I review the book, which at the rate I’m going, should be within the next few days. I’m finding the book a real page turner, but in kind of a trainwreck sort of way. I’m simultaneously fascinated by the story and horrified by what this poor young woman had to cope with when she was a child.

I know some people will take issue with the title… It sounds horrible. However, I can totally understand why she used that title. Her mother sounds like she was true nightmare to have to deal with. For just an example– imagine your mother sending you dozens of emails, text messages, and voice messages after she’s seen pictures of you on TMZ, taken by a paparazzo. You are an adult, in Hawaii with your boyfriend, but you feel you have to lie to your mother about where you are. You come up with a ruse to trick her, only to have it foiled by a photographer, hungry for a sale. Your mom sends you all manner of abuse, accusing you of giving her cancer, bringing her shame, and calling you things like “filthy whore” and “all used up”. Then, as she signs off with “love”, she adds a P.S.– “Please send money for a fridge. Ours broke, and the yogurt is going sour.”

Imagine your mother explaining how to engage in eating disordered behaviors when you’re still a child, in the midst of becoming a woman. Imagine being fourteen years old and still sitting in a booster seat in the car. Imagine your mother insisting on showering you when you’re sixteen, sometimes also with your brother; her excuse is that she’s a former beautician and wants to make sure you wash your hair “correctly”, so it will impress a casting director. Imagine your mom using your money to pay the mortgage, and being forced to sleep on a mat in the dining room, because the bed you purchased for yourself is covered in your mother’s miscellaneous crap.

I know that Melissa Francis and Jennette McCurdy aren’t the only ones with stage mothers from hell. Wil Wheaton has also spoken openly about his own abusive, money hungry, fame whoring parents, who forced him to act when he didn’t want to do it. I’ll probably read his book next, since it’s been in the queue for awhile, and it will probably dovetail nicely with I’m Glad My Mom Died. I love a good tell all memoir, especially when it involves questionable parenting. Shirley MacLaine’s daughter, Sachi Parker, wrote a pretty good one some years ago. It seems the kids who grew up in show business had it the worst, especially in the days before child welfare advocacy was less of a thing than it is today. If a parent was also a celebrity, then the chances for massive dysfunction go up exponentially. Christina Crawford started it when she wrote Mommie Dearest, but there have been some real whoppers since her book was published in 1978. Gary Crosby wrote a pretty shocking book, too.

Anyway… I am looking forward to finishing the book and writing a review of it. I think it will be interesting on many levels to several of my regular readers, as well as new ones who haven’t found my blog yet. So stay tuned. I’ll sign off now and get back to reading.

book reviews

Double repost: Missy Francis grew up with the mother from hell… and Review of Lessons from the Prairie: The Surprising Secrets to Happiness, Success, and (Sometimes Just) Survival I Learned on America’s Favorite Show

Here are two book reviews I wrote in 2015 and 2018 respectively. They are based on books by Melissa (Missy) Francis, who was a child actress on Little House on the Prairie and countless commercials in the 1980s. She is now a correspondent for Fox News. I am reposting my reviews of her books here, as is, so if you read them, pretend it’s 2015 or 2018.

Missy Francis grew up with the mother from hell…

Like so many people my age, I grew up watching Little House on the Prairie.  I also used to watch a lot of Saturday morning cartoons.  Both of those television related activities exposed me to a child actress named Missy Francis.

Those eyes are unforgettable…

Not long ago, I read a “where are they now” article about Little House on the Prairie.  Missy Francis, now going by the more formal name, Melissa, was featured in it.  Toward the end of Little House’s run, Missy Francis had played an orphan girl named Cassandra Cooper on the show.  Though she was not one of the main cast members, I did remember her and was interested when the article mentioned that Francis had written a book about growing up a child actress.  I am a sucker for those kinds of books, so I quickly downloaded Diary of a Stage Mother’s Daughter: A Memoir.  I just finished it this morning.

Melissa Francis calls her mother a “stage mother”.  Maybe that is an accurate description of what her mother was when Francis was growing up.  However, I would also call her mother a textbook case of narcissistic personality disorder.  As I read page after page about her mother’s shocking antics, I recognized the behavior all too well.  Melissa’s mom, who had a long suffering husband and two beautiful daughters who starred in television commercials and shows, exploited and abused everyone close to her.  Francis writes of how her mother would shuttle her and her sister to auditions.  When Missy would land a part, her mother would brag to everyone who would listen… and when the paychecks rolled in, her mother would pocket them for herself.  Meanwhile, Melissa’s mother never held down a job herself and would spend other people’s money like there was no tomorrow.  Like all narcissists, Melissa’s mom didn’t have any empathy.  She saw other people as tools to manipulate and use.   

Woe be unto anyone who dared to cross Missy’s mom.  In one heartbreaking chapter, Missy writes of how some neighbors complained about a few feral cats who lived on her parents’ property.  Animal control had apparently tried to address the issue, but got no results.  So they took the Francis family’s dog.  Missy’s dad went to fetch the pooch from the pound.  Meanwhile, Missy’s mother stole the complaining neighbors’ dog, removed the canine’s collar, and deposited her at an animal shelter miles away from their neighborhood.  Since the dog had no collar, no one would know where she belonged.  Her family would never think to look in the shelter so far from home.  And since she was elderly, it was unlikely anyone would want to adopt her.  Missy knew the dog would soon be euthanized.  She wanted to tell her neighbors, but knew if she did, her mother would make her pay for her disloyalty.  So she kept silent and sealed the dog’s fate.  I almost had to stop reading her book after I read that passage.  While I understand why Missy felt she had to be quiet, I was also rather disgusted by her silence.  But then, I am also a dog lover.

Missy’s sister, Tiffany, eventually outgrew acting.  Smart, beautiful, and talented, the older girl eventually went to Berkeley, where she dabbled heavily in drugs and alcohol.  Melissa writes movingly about her relationship with her sister and her sister’s many clashes with their mother.  While Missy was able to make straight As and flourish despite her mother’s excessive control and sniping, Tiffany slid into an abyss of addiction which eventually made her very ill and cost her her life.  Unfortunately, Tiffany was not as resilient as her sister was.  If their mother is narcissistic, and I am certain she is, then Tiffany was probably the scapegoat, while Melissa was the “golden child”.

Surprisingly, Missy’s father, who owned his own company and worked very hard, managed to tolerate his wife’s craziness and be a rock to her daughters.  Perhaps “enable” is a better word for his behavior  than tolerate.  I often wondered why he didn’t do more to save himself and his daughters.  Missy’s dad once told Missy she could be anything she wanted to be if she put her mind to it.  So Missy took control of her life and went to Harvard University, where she was on the polo team and majored in economics.  She met and married her husband, Wray, and eventually became mother to two sons.  When she finally stood up to her mother, who exploited, abused, and stole from her, she found that there was no more relationship.  I am assuming that they are now on a no contact status. While I don’t take pleasure in learning about people who are estranged from their parents, I totally understand why Francis hasn’t spoken to her mom in over a decade.  Unfortunately, when it comes to narcissists, going no contact is the only way to protect yourself from the damage they can wreak. 

Diary of a Stage Mother’s Daughter is not long on details about Little House on the Prairie, so anyone looking for juicy tidbits about that show will likely be disappointed.  However, the book will likely interest anyone who is fascinated by toxic mothers.  Some of the stunts Melissa’s mother pulled are just outrageous.  I often found myself pissed off for Missy Francis and others who were victimized by her mother’s ridiculous behavior.  And, once again, I found myself feeling some empathy for my husband’s daughters, whose mother also displays many of the same abusive, exploitative, hateful, sabotaging and insane behaviors.   

Melissa Francis is now better known as a news reporter.  She currently works for the Fox Business Network and has a show called Money with Melissa Francis.  From what I can see, she has managed to make the best of her life.  I applaud her for that.  I wish everyone raised by a toxic parent could do the same. 

I recommend Diary of a Stage Mother’s Daughter.  It’s basically well-written and a fast read.  I think a lot of people may even find it inspirational.  I do want to mention, though, that Melissa Francis apparently has a now abandoned blog.  The writing in the blog is not nearly as good as the writing in the book, which makes me wonder if it might have been ghost written.  Either that, or Missy’s book was very well edited.  Either way, I think the book is worth reading.  I’d give it three and a half stars at least.

And just because I’m sweet that way, here’s a comment from the original post, apparently left by Missy’s “mom from hell”.

SHAME ON HEROctober 25, 2015 at 4:00 AM

It is amazing to me how someone who has no idea of the truth can write such an ugly review. There are no affairs, drugs, drinking, etc. on my part? R u blind? Missy’s upbringing was quite the opposite but I am sure you do not care. Her father is a convicted felon and has been arrested for drink driving. This can be proved. He was a nightmare. He introduced Tiffany to drugs, drinking and smoking. He is a fall down drunk. Every cent the girls made was spent on them. Missy graduated from Harvard debt free..TIFFANY ditto from Berkeley and law school. Do u notice that there is absolutely no witnesses to anything? EVER? Missy spent most of her teenage years showing her Champion horse Flying Colors. Tiffany’s horse was Duchess. There never was a dognaping. She wrote this tale for financial gain, period. Do some solid research. I never spent one cent on myself. I made sure my girls had excellent educations and everything their hearts desired. I am sure this is falling on deaf ears. Yes, this is all my fault; I should have left him. I had no idea what was wrong w TIFFANY until I asked TIFFANY how her drinking had started and she told me that she used to finish her father’s vodka when he passed out. Why did Missy find it necessary to drag her sister thru the mud? She and I know the truth; she has painted herself into an ugly corner and has no way out. Early on, she admitted the book was fiction only changing it when she could not get a publisher.  

I have five wonderful rescues and shame on you believing such a terrible lie. 

I love my daughters with every fiber of my being. Always have and always will. Pray for Missy, she is lost. 

I have lost a child, for Heaven’s sake! 

knottyOctober 25, 2015 at 8:09 AM

If you are Missy’s mom, I’m not sure this comment really does you any favors. 

And now for reposted review number two…

About three years ago, I read a book written by Melissa Francis, current Fox News commentator and former child actress.  The book was entitled Diary of a Stage Mother’s Daughter: A Memoir.  Melissa Francis dared to write about what it was like to be a child actress with an extremely overbearing mother.  I enjoyed most of her book, although it made me very sad to read about the abuses she and her late sister endured at the hands of what sounds like their very narcissistic mom. 

I don’t follow Melissa Francis on Fox News.  For one thing, I don’t really have access to it here in Germany.  For another, I wouldn’t watch Fox News even if I was able.  However, I did like her fist book enough to read her second, 2017’s Lessons from the Prairie: The Surprising Secrets to Happiness, Success, and (Sometimes Just) Survival I Learned on America’s Favorite Show.  This book is yet another memoir, loosely based on Melissa Francis’ experiences on the hit show, Little House on the Prairie

Melissa and Jason on Little House…  Melissa writes about her ability to cry on demand.  Apparently, that made her a hot commodity as a child actress.

Melissa Francis is a Harvard graduate and is no doubt smart enough to know the connection to Little House would probably be more of a hook than is her Fox News connection.  This book does include some juicy tidbits about what it was like to be on Little House, working with Jason Bateman as her on screen brother, James.  I just recently watched the whole series, so the episodes Francis and Bateman were on are still fresh in my mind.  As a kid, I loved watching Little House on the Prairie.  In those days, TV was a lot more important than it is today… and we also had fewer choices as to what we could watch.  Melissa (then called Missy) and Jason were brought on to inject some new “kid” blood to the cast, since all the other kids who were on the show for years were becoming adults.  Ultimately, neither Missy nor Jason stayed on the series during its final season. 

This book is not just about Little House, though.  It also about Melissa Francis’ life.  She writes very candidly about how difficult her two pregnancies with her sons were.  Her husband, Wray, wanted one more child, but Melissa has an unusual genetic condition that makes her blood pressure shoot up during pregnancy.  A doctor told her in no uncertain terms that she shouldn’t give birth to any more children.  That’s how Melissa and Wray turned to a surrogate mother for their third child, a girl named Gemma.  It’s very clear from Melissa Francis’s book that she and her husband are extremely grateful to the couple who helped make their daughter’s life possible.  Although some people might judge them for turning to surrogacy, it sounded to me like the whole experience was very rewarding.  She even includes a picture of the two families at the end of the book, along with a few photos from her days on Little House

Melissa Francis also writes about how she decided to give up acting in favor of news reporting.  She explains that she didn’t enjoy being someone she wasn’t.  Acting requires convincingly portraying someone who isn’t authentic.  Francis writes that she found that process exhausting and much prefers telling true stories as herself.  As I mentioned previously, I don’t watch Fox News, so I don’t have an opinion of how good Francis is at her job.  However, she has been working for Fox News for some time now and her career has taken off.  Having been a child star, she was no doubt used to rejection.  Francis did experience a lot of rejection as she entered the field of network journalism.  She had to convince people to give her a chance and then prove herself.  It looks like she’s been successful.

There were a few times in her book that Francis hinted at her conservative political leanings.  I would imagine that working for Fox News requires her to at least sympathize with Republicans.  I didn’t necessarily agree with a few of the ideas she presented, most notably her thoughts on the Affordable Care Act.  Francis has a degree in economics and, I’m sure, sees healthcare strictly as a business.  She writes about how requiring insurance companies to cover anyone and everyone was bound to be more expensive. 

As someone who has a health administration background, I see affordable healthcare as something that should be a priority in any community, especially in a so-called “first world” nation like the United States.  Many countries have affordable healthcare.  It’s not just about more coverage being more expensive.  Healthcare does not have to cost as much as it does, and it shouldn’t.  What needs to happen is that the businesses involved with healthcare delivery need to be reined in and not allowed to charge outrageous fees.  Healthcare should not be about pleasing investors and building stock portfolios.  I think it’s morally wrong to force middle income people into insane debt just so they might have the hope of surviving or not having to live in pain.  I don’t know exactly how Melissa Francis feels about all of this– she’s clearly well off herself and probably doesn’t have to worry about going bankrupt if she gets sick.  But to a lot of Americans, this is a real problem and it shouldn’t be.  That’s just my view.

Francis offers a few tidbits of advice.  A lot of her insights are pretty obvious.  I was more into her anecdotes than her advice on good living.  Frankly, I don’t think too many people are legitimately qualified to offer advice.  Some of Francis’ jokes are kind of obnoxious, too.  Sometimes, it seems like she tries a little too hard to be funny or cool and she kind of fails.  I think she was trying to go for a tone that made her seem like a friend, but the reality is, her readers aren’t friends and never could be.  This observation kind of flies in the face of Francis’ comments about wanting to be “authentic” and not liking acting because it forced her to be fake.  I don’t think her writing necessarily comes across as authentic.  Some of it seems trite and kind of overly cutesy.  Also, I thought it was interesting that Francis writes about the absence of God on television, yet uses quite a lot of profanity.  I’m not offended by profanity, but it did seem like maybe she was trying to pander to two different groups of people. 

Overall, I didn’t hate this book.  I see on Amazon that some readers were really turned off by it.  I can’t say I was turned off, per se.  It probably helped that I have just recently seen the episodes of Little House that featured her and could relate to some of the comments she made about how ridiculous some episodes were toward the end of the series.  I didn’t mind some of her snarky comments, either.  However, I liked her first book better than this book, which I think probably could have used another run with an editor.  Also, it’s pretty clear that the title is sort of “click bait” for readers.  It’s a bit misleading, since most of the book isn’t really about Little House at all.  I’d probably give it three stars.

Here are the Amazon links… as an associate, I will get a small commission from Amazon on orders placed through my site.