Tag Archives: military families

dogs, rants, travel

Pets on jets… and more dumbness from the peanut gallery…

Featured photo is of our sweet Arran, calling bullshit…

Well, hello Thursday… nice to see you, even if it’s the day I do my most dreaded chore of vacuuming. I actually can’t complain too much about this week thus far. It’s gone by rather quickly, and without too much ass pain. Yesterday, Arran had his latest chemo treatment, and I got a big box of Easter chocolates from Neuhaus, our favorite chocolatier. And tomorrow, Bill comes home for the weekend.

I have had some irritations, though… self-inflicted ones, I guess. Yesterday, I read a fabulous article in the Washington Post about people who team up with others and charter planes so they can travel with their pets without risking commercial flights. I think it’s a great idea, and sometimes it can even be less expensive than using a pet shipper.

I think it would be even better if there was a US based airline that did a better job moving animals, so that there might be fewer horror stories about flying with dogs in the news. That way, maybe fewer people would be so ignorant, and I might not get so annoyed by their comments.

I read the article when it was first posted, and the first few comments were about the obscene privilege of the wealthy, and how they should be taxed more. Those comments were obviously written by people who didn’t read the article before responding. The people quoted in the WaPo article I linked (and unlocked) above weren’t wealthy people. They’re people who need to be able to move their pets and don’t want to put them in the cargo hold of airplanes. From the article:

For travelers with pets, the options for long-distance hauls are limited and often stressful for both species. Commercial airlines place tight restrictions on airborne animals, especially ones that are too large for the cabin and must fly in the cargo hold or as freight. Owners pay hundreds of dollars to transport their pets by plane, plus more if their supersize dog requires a customized crate. For example, to fly her dogs from Germany to the States last year, Jamie Klepper contacted several pet-shipping companies for prices. The lowest quotes she received were $12,000 for Lenny, her 16-month-old Leonberger, and $5,000 for Bailey, her “exceptionally tall” golden retriever.

Passengers with brachycephalic dogs contend with even fewer choices because of a widespread ban on snub-nosed canines, which are prone to breathing issues. Adding to the anxiety: On occasion, airlines deliver animals to the wrong address. In December, British Airways flew Bluebell, a Lab mix, from London to Saudi Arabia instead of Nashville. Some animals fall ill or worse. Bailey, the Lab, suffered bloat, or a twisted stomach, soon after landing at JFK. She survived, but not all do. According to Transportation Department statistics, 11 animals died on U.S. commercial carriers in 2019, and six died in 2020.

While the horror stories regarding dogs on planes certainly aren’t the norm, when something does happen, it inevitably gets in the news, and people proceed to freak out. It never fails. And cue the comments about how people who fly with pets are irresponsible, negligent, or cruel, and how flying with animals should be illegal.

When the story about Bluebell ran in December, I blogged about our experiences flying with our dogs. I won’t lie. It’s stressful to have to travel by air with dogs, but the VAST majority of dogs who fly come through the experience just fine. But, thanks to the awful stories about dogs who have died or been traumatized by flying, it’s gotten a lot harder and more expensive to be able to travel with animals. That presents real consequences for people who need to be able to relocate worldwide with their pets.

One guy made a snarky comment about how flying animals “traumatizes them for life”. As an American who lives abroad in the military community and has flown with dogs three times, I get so tired of those kinds of flippant, vaguely accusatory comments by people who have absolutely zero experience traveling by air with dogs. They’re mostly made by well-meaning animal loving people who read and react to the news too much without rational thought. They don’t employ their critical thinking skills. If dogs being injured or dying on planes was the norm, would the horror stories be news? Wouldn’t air travel with dogs have been outlawed decades ago?

So I wrote something along the lines of, “Please. The vast majority of dogs come through the experience of flying just fine.” Naturally, I got challenged by a few people, including one who quoted the last line of the second paragraph from the post.

According to Transportation Department statistics, 11 animals died on U.S. commercial carriers in 2019, and six died in 2020.

My response? Out of how many?

I didn’t add this additional thought to my response, but I could have also asked how many of those cases involved dogs that already had health problems or were elderly? How many were drugged before they flew? How many of the dogs were snub nosed, flying in hot weather? Most dogs who fly will survive the experience with no ill effects at all. And most of them would rather fly so they can be with their families, rather than be rehomed or dumped at a shelter.

Hours later, the woman came back and shamed me for asking that question. She wrote something like, “Does it matter? Any dog who dies on a plane is too many!”

Her point was, because of those few outlying cases, flying with dogs is inherently unsafe, when it’s really not. If it were, flying with dogs would have been made illegal many years ago. Outlawing flying with pets is not a good solution, because it will ultimately mean that a hell of a lot more dogs will die while waiting for good homes. The people who react loudest to the horror stories never consider that unintended consequence, do they?

It’s the same as the well-meaning folks who want to outlaw horse and carriage rides in cities. They don’t seem to consider what will happen to the expensive horses who no longer have jobs, and will ultimately lose their homes, because their owners can no longer afford to keep them. Instead of focusing on making conditions better so the work or travel is safer, some of these idiots just want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. They don’t see the big picture, and when you try to point it out to them, they act like you’re the asshole!

I love my dogs. I’d rather spend time with my dogs than most other people. When I’ve had to travel with them, I’ve obsessively prepared, and yes, I’ve read ALL of the horror stories. The first time we flew with dogs, I was a nervous wreck. I certainly didn’t want to put them through hours in a crate in a baggage hold. I had visions of certain disaster. But what was the alternative?

That first time we flew with Flea and MacGregor, my husband was in the Army and we were ordered to move to Germany. My staying in the States while Bill went to Germany wasn’t an option, and we couldn’t bear the idea of leaving our rescue dogs behind. So we took a chance… and everything turned out fine. It was just a few hours on a plane.

We landed in Germany, and I immediately heard Flea’s distinctive beagle bellowing, which led me right to him and MacGregor in the baggage claim area at Frankfurt’s airport (which is equipped with a huge pet lounge, no less). They were examined by a vet, who told us they needed bigger carriers next time. We let them out of their carriers; they both took raging pisses; and then they spent two happy years with their people in a country where dogs are welcomed and adored!

Flea and MacGregor flew again in 2009. Flea had prostate cancer, but he still made it through the experience fine, in spite of a dramatic day’s delay. You can read about that in my other post on this topic.

In 2014, when we moved back to Germany, the rules were stricter and we weren’t coming on military orders. We booked with Lufthansa, which is probably the best airline for flying with dogs. Once again, no problems whatsoever. Y’all have seen pictures of my dogs. Do they ever look traumatized?

We lost Zane in 2019, but Arran has had eight happy years in Germany. He adores Bill, and had been rehomed more than a few times before he landed with us. Yes, it was a choice to move to Germany, but at the time we made our decision, Germany was the only place where a job offer was on the table. We don’t regret our move, either. It’s worked out great for us.

Would it have really been preferable for Arran to be rehomed again, less than two years after he was adopted for the second time (his first adopters returned him), just to avoid putting him on a plane for a few hours? Arran is a very sensitive dog who seems to take rejection personally. He and Bill are the very best of friends. I know Arran isn’t sorry we took a small risk and flew him to Germany, where he will almost certainly die, due to his cancer. He won’t have to fly again.

The woman who got all snotty when I asked her how many dogs flew safely made some comment about how she thought I was being too flippant about the risks of flying with dogs. She resented my tone– claiming that I was being “rude” for dismissing her concerns.

Well, you know WHAT? I resent the idea that because I moved my dogs from the United States to Germany, I’m some kind of cruel, irresponsible, mean-spirited dog hater! Nothing could be further from the truth! Moreover, the people who claim that flying with dogs is soooo dangerous don’t seem to consider that there are risks in literally EVERYTHING you do every day!

Yesterday, I took Arran to the vet for a chemo treatment. It was raining and snowing yesterday. We could have had a car accident on our way there and been killed. And yet, most of us don’t think twice about driving with dogs. I’ll bet a lot of the people hand wringing over flying with them don’t even use doggie seatbelts or crates when they drive! Or they let their dogs go outside off lead. Or they let their kids harass their pets to the point that the pet reacts negatively and ends up being taken away by animal control.

Stop and think about this for a moment. There are thousands of military and government families in the United States. A lot of them will end up moving abroad at some point during their careers. Some of them won’t have to move overseas. Should all of those people forego pet ownership because they might be ordered to move abroad? Do people ever stop and think about how many pets in shelters would LOVE to be adopted by those families, and would happily endure a few hours on a plane for the chance at having a good home?

How about the dogs who have been rescued from laboratories or meat markets in other countries? Would people, like the commenter on yesterday’s WaPo article, prefer us to just let those dogs languish? Not long ago, I reviewed a book about a woman who adopted a golden retriever from Turkey. Thanks to her, two dogs (her mom also adopted one) have moved to the United States– and they both arrived by aircraft, safe and sound. My Noyzi comes from Kosovo, where he was found on the streets of Pristina. If and when we have to move back to the States, should I just leave him in Germany, where locals already think Americans are shitty pet owners because so many don’t take their pets when they move?

Instead of jumping to the conclusion that flying with pets is always dangerous and traumatic, why don’t some of these folks stop and think for a moment about the many thousands of animals over the years who have flown on planes completely without incident? Seriously– every year, literally thousands of military, government service, and international business families move with their pets. The vast majority of them make the moves with no issues at all.

Yes, there are some legitimate horror stories regarding pets flying on planes. But outlawing flying with dogs isn’t the answer. Dogs and cats can fly safely, and they should be able to do so affordably, and without any clusterfucks. It should be something we expect from the airlines. Instead of calling the owners irresponsible, why not put the blame where it belongs… on the people who fuck things up and send dogs to the wrong cities, put them in overhead bins (seriously, WTF?), leave dogs on hot tarmacs, drug them, or fly with snub nosed breeds in hot weather?

I know Arran is glad we weren’t scared off by the horror stories…

Yeah, this dog is SO traumatized by his hours on a plane in 2014. NOT.

I swear, the longer I live outside of the United States, the more I think a lot of my compatriots are actual morons.

Standard
book reviews, Military

Repost: A review of Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress

I originally posted this review on Epinions.com on June 16, 2005. It appears here as/is.

About two weeks ago, I was in the Fort Belvoir thrift shop with my husband and my mother-in-law, looking for assorted junk/treasures. My house is mostly appointed in dorm/Kmart decor and I’m trying to gussy it up a bit. Unfortunately, I didn’t find any home furnishing treasures on that day, but I did find a buttload of interesting books. One of the books that I found was Mary Edwards Wertsch’s 1991 book, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress. Well, I happen to be a military brat twice over. I was born into Air Force bratdom almost 33 years ago and then I married into Army bratdom almost three years ago. I figured this book was aimed at an audience consisting of people like me, and at $2.00, it was a steal. I took it home.

The first thing I noticed when I first ran across Military Brats is that it’s a sizable book. Right off the bat, I got the idea that Mary Edwards Wertsch had a lot to say to people like me… and people like her. Wertsch is herself a military brat, as well as an investigative journalist. Military Brats was her first book; since it was written fifteen years ago, I couldn’t tell you if she’s written others.

The next thing I noticed was the introduction, written by one of my favorite authors, Pat Conroy. Some of you may know that Conroy is himself a military brat. Those of you who have read his fiction also know that Conroy’s military upbringing affected him profoundly. Born the son of a Marine fighter pilot, Pat Conroy’s childhood was fraught with moves to new towns, and that meant that he had to constantly learn to fit in with an ever changing peer group. Conroy was also a victim of child abuse. He never lets his readers forget it, not that I fault him for that. In fact, one of the reasons why I love Pat Conroy’s writing so much is because it really speaks to me. I can identify very much with his stories. The Great Santini, a novel about growing up as a military brat, was perhaps Conroy’s breakthrough novel. Mary Edwards Wertsch includes snippets from The Great Santini throughout her book, Military Brats, for it was the film version of The Great Santini that gave her the idea for this book.

Next, I started to read this massive book. It consists of twelve long chapters, each taking on an aspect of growing up a military brat. At the beginning of the book, Mary Edwards Wertsch writes

Warrior society is characterized by a rigid authoritarian structure, frequently mirrored inside its families; extreme mobility; a great deal of father absence; isolation and alienation from the civilian community; an exceedingly strict class system; a very high incidence of alcoholism. which also suggests possibly high rates of family violence; a deeply felt sense of mission; and, not least, an atmosphere of constant preparation for war, with the accompanying implication for every family that on a moment’s notice the father can be sent to war, perhaps never to be seen again. p. xiii

And then in Military Brats, Wertsch goes on to address each of the points she lists about the experience of being a military brat. For this book, Wertsch interviewed eighty military brats, five of whom were siblings of other interviewees, and all of whom were well into adulthood. She also interviewed social workers, teachers, military parents, physicians, psychologists, psychiatrists, historians other scholars (p. xii). After reading this book, I could tell that Wertsch had indeed done her homework and tried to get many different perspectives on the military brat phenomenon.

Edwards also explains why she uses the term “military brat”,

…a word about the term military brat. Of the eighty military brats interviewed for this book, only five objected to the term– two because they disliked a characterization they felt was imposed on them by the military, one because she did not like the implications of “brat,” and two because they had always been told to say “Navy junior” instead. The rest all said they identified with military brat and used it themselves; to them it is a term of affectionate humor as well as identification. p. xv

I really appreciated Wertsch’s preface. She did a good job of explaining the premise behind writing Military Brats. The fact that she is herself a military brat certainly gave her credibility and a wealth of personal stories to share about her own experiences as a military brat. I also thought the passages from The Great Santini were a nice touch, although they made me want to re-read the novel for the hundredth time. Wertsch also took pains in individually addressing the experiences of both the sons and daughters of military men; and yes, she does explain why she focused on the children of men in the military. Again, this book was written in 1990 and published in 1991, and the brats that Wertsch interviewed were all well into adulthood. The fact that Wertsch addressed only the issue of being the child of a military man made sense because most people who choose to serve in the military are men; that was especially true when Wertsch was growing up, even if it’s less true nowadays. If Wertsch had addressed the plight of children growing up with moms in the military, this book would have no doubt been even larger and more comprehensive than it is now. It’s already a formidable book.

Anyone who is familiar with military life knows there’s a class system in place that is different from the ones most civilians know; that is, the enlisted man’s world versus the officer’s world. Wertsch addresses the differences between someone growing up the child of an officer and an enlisted man. She also addresses how military families view the different branches. Again, Military Brats is a very well-written, comprehensive book that will no doubt offer food for thought for anyone who grew up a military brat.

That said, let me offer a few other insights. Wertsch has certainly tackled an interesting and important topic. It’s also a very complex subject and although I got the sense that Wertsch tried very hard to speak to all military brats, I’m afraid that she doesn’t in some cases. At times, this book is a bit stereotypical as Wertsch describes fathers who are overly strict, abusive, alcoholic, apathetic, and demanding. Let me state for the record that I am married to an Army officer who has yet to show me any of the aforementioned negative qualities.

Moreover, Wertsch seems to focus only on the bad things about being a military brat, only occasionally offering insights as to why being a military brat might be an advantage for someone. And, it seemed to me, that the few times Wertsch offered positives about being a military brat, it was almost always purely by accident. As I read this book, it made me feel sad for my unborn children, although they will likely have an atypical military brat upbringing similar to mine. I agree that being a military brat has its negatives, but it also has its positives. I don’t think that Wertsch really addressed many of the good parts about being a military brat; however, she did address most of the bad aspects. Unfortunately, that makes Military Brats seem very negative and it may make some readers think that all military brats are damaged specifically by their experiences growing up surrounded by the military. Certainly, the military brat lifestyle is not always easy, but I don’t believe that it’s always damaging. I can certainly think of worse environments outside the military in which a person might spend their formative years.

The fact that I am a military brat who had an “atypical” military upbringing brings up another point. I was born late in my father’s Air Force career, the youngest of four daughters. After almost 22 years of service, my dad retired a Lieutenant Colonel when I was almost six years old. He had traveled many times throughout his career and went to Vietnam a couple of times. I never knew this aspect of being a military brat, although my three older sisters did. My father, like so many other military men, is an alcoholic and he does suffer from some post traumatic stress disorder. At times, he was abusive to me. I can relate to military brats who have dealt with being a child of an alcoholic. But when I was eight years old, my parents moved to where they live now– the Tidewater area of Virginia, an area that is steeped in military culture and surrounded by military installations. I stayed in the same school system from third grade until I graduated high school. Because I was born late in my dad’s career, I missed out on some of the trademark experiences of being a military brat– moving around frequently and living without my father. My father was ALWAYS home when I was growing up because he owned his own business and worked out of his house. But he is most definitely a military man and I am most definitely his brat.

Perhaps when I was a child, there weren’t so many thirty-nine year olds becoming fathers, but nowadays it’s becoming a lot more common. Consider the fact that I am now married to an Army Lieutenant Colonel. He has children from his first marriage. They have to deal with his absence, but it’s not because he’s in the military. Instead, it’s because my husband divorced his children’s mother and she chose to move them to Arizona, a state with only one Army post located many miles from their home. Wertsch didn’t really address the plight of the brats who grew up without their fathers not because of the military, but because of divorce; but again, I guess that would have made Military Brats entirely too long.

My husband is about to turn forty-one and we are trying to start our own family against all odds. If I manage to get pregnant, our child or children will probably grow up much the same way I did– military brats, but without the trademark military experience of moving around constantly or living without their father. My husband expects to retire in a few short years. I suspect that with as much divorce as we have in the United States, a lot of children will experience being military brats in so-called “second families”, separated from their siblings. Even if they don’t end up growing up in “second families”, they may simply grow up like I did, the product of a pregnancy that occurred later in their parents’ lives. I think it would be interesting to see a book written about military brats like me and my husband’s children, kids who have always been steeped in military culture, but for one reason or another, never had the globe trotting, country crossing experience of the stereotypical military brat.

Alas, Wertsch didn’t speak to military brats like me. And, while this book offers some truisms about what life was like for older military brats, it doesn’t offer insight into what military life is like now. Of course, this book is fifteen years old, but even in 1990, things were starting to change from the way they were back when Wertsch’s father and my father were in the military. I do think it would be great to see an updated version of this book, because it is an interesting subject that affects a lot of people.

Despite my minor criticisms, I would certainly recommend this book to any military brat. I found this book fascinating and I could relate to a lot of it. Even though I think that Mary Edwards Wertsch neglected to discuss a few types of military brats, she does manage to write about most of us. This book is well-written, well-researched, and written by someone who knows her subject personally. Unfortunately, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress may be hard to find because it was written so long ago.

ETA: I wrote this review in 2005 and we had expected Bill to retire in 2010.  Thanks to making the O6 list, he got four extra years and finished in 2014.  

As an Amazon Associate, I get a small commission from Amazon on sales made through my site.

Standard