Tag Archives: narcissistic mothers

music, narcissists, social media

“I hope you know that I’ve had the time of my life raising you…”

My Saturday got started very early today. I woke up at about 4 AM, needing to take care of business. It took some time for me to fall back to sleep, so I read some more of my latest book. I miss the days when I could zip through books with ease, but I’m afraid they might be gone forever. Either I have trouble seeing the print, or I fall asleep!

I did manage to make some good progress this morning, though. I guess the best time of day for me to try to read books is when I’ve just woken up, as long as I’m not still sleepy. And anyway, as the sun rose this morning, I did wind up snoozing for a bit longer. I had a nice, vivid, colorful dream, too.

Bill has to go away next week, so I’ll be home alone. I may try to record some more songs. I did a song yesterday, in honor of Tony Bennett, who finally passed the bar at age 96. I heard “Because of You”, his duet with k.d. lang, the other day for the very first time. I enjoyed it, and thought I’d like to try it. So I downloaded the tracks, including one that has a male singer.

But then yesterday, when I heard that he’d died, I decided to try Tony’s solo version, which I successfully recorded within about an hour. I changed the key. It might not be the best key for me these days, as my soprano range grows more reclusive. I tend to do best when I stick to one part of my range– either in my head, soprano, or down in the chest, alto. This key is just at the edge of both vocal landscapes. Still, I’m rather pleased with this song.

Maybe if I’d spent two hours on it, it would be better…

There was a wine stand last night, but we opted to stay home. It looked like it might rain, plus I just didn’t feel like hanging around a bunch of other people. Talking with Bill over dinner and libations often means deep discussions, and as he was putting the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I remembered a conversation he had with his daughter when he visited her.

Younger daughter had taken note of how happy Bill was to help her when he stopped in to see her in Utah, last time he had business in the States. He was helping her cook, and wash and dry the dishes, all without being requested to help, and without complaint. Something dawned on younger daughter when she said, “When you were married to my mother, you did all the work, didn’t you?”

And Bill said, “Pretty much.”

Younger daughter said, “I knew it. Whenever she comes here to visit, she basically sits on the couch with her phone and complains. She never helps.”

That led them to have a conversation about what Bill’s daughters were expected to do when they were growing up. I believe younger daughter when she says that they both did all of the cooking and cleaning, and more than once, Ex took their money to pay for things for the house. Younger daughter specifically mentioned giving up birthday money to pay for her younger sister’s diapers. Given that she is about ten years older than her sister is, that would mean that her mother took money from a child to pay for something that was solely her responsibility to buy.

There have been other stories, of course. I’m sure there are quite a few we haven’t even heard yet, but there have been enough that we kind of know that childhood wasn’t a lark for Bill’s daughters. Ex often wasn’t even satisfied with their efforts to help her. She acts like motherhood was a dream experience for her, and yet anyone who knows her offline, knows that she has often had complaints, even when her children were being dutiful and attentive.

The girls would wash and fold her laundry and put it on her bed, and she’d tell them they should put her clothes away for her. They’d cobble together a hot dinner with whatever food was in the house, and she’d throw a tantrum and refuse to eat what they’d cooked. And even when younger daughter got married, on the night of her wedding, Ex was calling her on the phone, wanting her to come to the hotel and play in the pool with her, instead of spending her first married night alone with her new husband.

Because Bill was once married to Ex, and was treated in much the same way– like her servant– he knew his daughter was being truthful about her experiences. He’d been through most of the same treatments, and sometimes even worse. Now, those shared memories of being at Ex’s behest is a source of bonding for them, although most of the time, they talk about much happier things, like food and the grandkids.

Bill’s daughters were pretty seriously parentified, meaning they were expected to meet their mother’s needs when they were still children. My guess is that all of Ex’s children, save for her youngest, who has “severe autism”, are parentified to an extent. They were there to “parent” their mother, rather than be parented by her. Making matters worse is that she really doesn’t allow much input from her children’s fathers, who mostly spent their time working to support Ex and her many expensive habits.

So… seeing that she’s posted the above meme on social media makes me think she’s living in delusion… or she just wants to promote a facade. She never was one much for actually “raising” children. That was pretty much left for her older kids to do. Older daughter is 32 years old and still lives with her mother, in part, because she doesn’t trust her mother to take proper care of her brother– Ex’s youngest child.

I’m sure, on some level, Ex has had the “time of her life” having those kids. Because they’ve been like little servants for her, serving her as if she’s a queen bee. She wants to be waited on and adored, even if she hasn’t necessarily done much to deserve either.

She’s also constantly looking for shortcuts to getting what she wants. That means trying to engage strangers on the Internet, including celebrities. Looking on her Quora account, I noticed a few things…

Two very telling questions she’s asked:

Which is better, Credit Settlement through a litigation firm, Credit Consolidation through an NPO, or bankruptcy… if you are unable to get creditors to work with you to lower payments enough?

I’m surprised she doesn’t already know the answer to this question. I know for a fact that she’s had at least one bankruptcy and, according to younger daughter, had a couple more after the one she had with Bill.

And…

Where can I get funding for an autism service dog’s training? It will cost approximately $10k USD.

I guess she eventually gave up on the autism service dog idea. Good thing, too, if she’s considering declaring bankruptcy again.

But then, she posted this in May 2023:

I live in the states. My family is from Scotland and Ireland and England. I want to come ‘home’ and regain a place as a citizen of the UK. I want to work with the foundation set up to improve the lives of children… set up by the Prince and Princess of Wales. Long live the King.

Lofty goals, indeed. But she’s not actually an altruistic person, nor does she even enjoy taking care of her own children, let alone other people’s children. I suspect she sees children as easy targets for her manipulative bullshit. And her own children… bless their hearts! They’ll always be extensions of her, and she’ll always be keeping a scorecard, expecting them to pay her back for basic things that all parents are supposed to provide for their children.

Anyway… she’ll never change, so there’s no call for outrage or surprise. But it sure is interesting to watch this crap from afar… and thank goodness Bill’s daughters are grown now. I wish we could have had them together, instead. Ah well. At least I think the grandkids will have a better time. Younger daughter is a wonderful, attentive, appropriate mom to her children. That’s a skill she definitely didn’t learn from her own mother.

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family, narcissists, religion

‘Tis often a good thing to be childfree…

The featured photo is another I took of a very fragrant bush in our neighborhood, as I walked my “furkid”, Noyzi. Just so you know, it pains me to write “furkid”. He’s my baby, but I don’t think of him in that way. Guess it’s my pragmatic side.

This morning, I decided to write a travel post about our progress in booking our summer vacation. It’s not surprising to me, but traveling in Scandinavia and the surrounding areas is EXPENSIVE. And that’s pretty much what the post is about, along with the hassles of using an American credit card in Europe. I’m not trying to complain, though… I knew it was going to be expensive. We’ve been to Norway, Denmark, and Sweden before. This trip is going to be especially luxe, and it’s going to last for about sixteen days. So yeah, we’re shelling out lots of money, although I found out this morning I could have shelled out a lot less. The price of the cruise we booked last week dropped significantly this week. Such is life.

As Bill and I have gotten older, I’ve found that I have less interest in traveling on a shoestring budget. And though Bill is a lot more tolerant of being uncomfortable, he’s come aboard the luxury train with me. 😉 Seriously, though. No one can ever accuse us of not having the experience of traveling on the cheap. I once spent three days on an Armenian bus to Istanbul. Three days with no showers, no bed, and lots of outside pit stops made less painful with someone else’s vodka. I lived for two years with no hot water and, often, no electricity.

Bill has been to actual war zones. I probably don’t need to say much more about that.

So yes, although we travel more like royalty these days, we definitely punched our budget cards along the way to get to where we are. As long as we can actually afford the travel and aren’t going into debt to do it, I don’t think there’s a problem. One main reason why we can afford such travel is because we don’t own a house, nor do we pay college tuition, or for orthodontia.

And… although Bill has two daughters, they haven’t really been in our lives. That wasn’t our choice. That was a choice their mother made on their behalf, when they were still kids. Bill paid generous child support for years, and that was pretty much the only part of “parenthood” I’ve personally experienced. Since it wasn’t really my money, nor did I have anything to do with the marriage failing, or the ensuing parental alienation campaign, I can barely say it was my experience. Not having children in our lives was a byproduct of an unfortunate decision Bill made years ago, having kids with a very selfish person who loves power and revenge more than she loves her children.

Now… having stated that, I want to make it clear. Bill loves his daughters and certainly doesn’t regret having them. He just would have been better of having them with me, instead of Ex. Because if he’d had his daughters with me, they very likely would have had much better childhoods. At the very least, they’d know their father, and have a less toxic relationship with their mother. As it stands now, my husband’s older daughter is still estranged from him, and his younger daughter, who has chosen to reconnect, is getting to know us both.

My husband’s younger daughter is a very lovely young woman and a fantastic mother. I’m glad I’m getting to know her, especially since I had a very bad first impression. It turns out she’s very much Bill’s daughter, and has his kind disposition. I wish I knew her better. I wish she could have been my daughter. I would have been proud to be her mom. But she’s not my daughter, and I am not her mother.

I always wanted to have children, and expected that I would have them. But having children obviously wasn’t in the cards for me. I’m grateful that I chose not to force the issue by either having children with a person (or people) I didn’t love, or resorting to medical means to have them. I know other people have made different choices. I don’t judge them for their choices. They just weren’t choices that were good ones for me, personally.

Why am I writing about this today? It’s mainly because as I was putting the finishing touches on our vacation, I saw a couple of things on Facebook that set me to thinking. One was a rather offensive meme someone shared. She is someone from my past, who married a man with children. Their mom died a few years ago, so she’s taken over the motherhood role. Today, she shared the below photo, though the children were way beyond babyhood when she married their father.

On the surface, this seems kind of like a sweet, comforting message, until you consider that some mothers are pretty terrible people. And some people who don’t have children are pretty wonderful people. I don’t think it really has much to do with God’s choices. Instead, it has a lot to do with very human choices, some of which are good, and some of which are tragically bad.

Nothing against my friend, who has taken on quite a challenge that involved a big lifestyle adjustment. But I totally disagree with the sentiment shared in the above photo, and I find it kind of triggering. I don’t want to be offensive, though, so I’m writing about how that photo makes me feel here, instead of on Facebook. Maybe she’d be upset that I’m writing this post… but I think I’m showing her more consideration than she’s showing people like me. 😉

I consider Bill’s decision to have children with his ex wife a terrible tragedy, mainly because he’s a loving, warm, nurturing, caring, and generous man, who would have loved to have had the chance to raise his children. Instead, he was replaced by Ex’s third husband, with whom she had more kids. Today, his younger daughter is getting to know the man she was denied the chance to know when she needed him the most. That opportunity to know Bill is a saving grace, but it’s a small comfort. She should have had him in her life the whole time, whether or not I was the one “chosen by God” to be her mother.

The second part of this post is inspired by an article I read on the God page. Lately, God has mostly been sharing “Am I The Asshole” posts, but today there was an article about a woman who went viral on Tik Tok for sharing about why she’s glad she’s “childfree”. I can personally attest to the fact that being “childfree” is a pretty good thing, especially in this era of random shootings. It wasn’t what I planned for myself, but it’s not a bad way to live at all. A lot of people have children so there’s someone to look after them when they’re elderly, but there’s no guarantee that a person’s children will do that for them. And, as I pointed out, in this era of random shootings and public health emergencies, there’s no guarantee that they’ll even be around for the job when the time comes. That’s also a pretty crappy reason to have kids. People should have children because they want to be parents, and wish to love and nurture children.

Although there will always be a twinge of regret, in my case, that I didn’t get to experience parenthood, I can also state that not having children also isn’t the end of the world. I’m grateful that I’m not a very religious person, because I think messages like the one in that photo can be extremely damaging and hurtful to people who buy into the idea that children are “gifts to the ‘worthy’ from God.” Life is hard enough without people feeling like they need to prove “God’s favor” by having a boatload of children… especially if they aren’t really suited for the task of raising them.

As for younger daughter, I continue to be amazed at what a kind, patient, loving mom she is to her three children. They are lucky to have her, and I know Bill is very proud of both of his daughters, even though one of them doesn’t deign to speak to him anymore. I guess, if God was involved in younger daughter’s being here, maybe it was so she could be a great mom to her own kids. But if God had anything to do with her birth, I also wonder what she did to “deserve” having an abusive, neglectful, narcissistic mother who has a habit of making her children divorce their fathers.

Younger daughter has said that talking to her mother gives her nightmares. Did God “choose” younger daughter to endure that kind of hell, as God supposedly “chose” Ex to be her mother because she was the “best” one for the job? And looking at that message again, how does it make younger daughter feel to know that God “decided” Ex was the “best” mother for her? See what I mean? That is a very TOXIC message for MANY people whose mothers weren’t loving and nurturing.

Go on YouTube and listen to videos about what it means to be raised by a narcissistic mother. It’s an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Honestly, though… I think sharing a photo like the one above could be a sign of narcissism. Ex has often mentioned how God has “smiled” on her by giving her five children, whom she has no problem using to achieve her own aims.

Below is a video H.G. Tudor posted about the potential future for Archie and Lilibet. I’m not sharing this because I think Meghan Markle is a narcissist (because while I do suspect she is, I don’t know for sure). I just think H.G. Tudor did a good job explaining what life is like for the child(ren) of a narcissistic mother.

Tsk, tsk, tsk…

And another for good measure…

Yes, this rings pretty true, too. The children are used as pawns or weapons, as the need arises. Pitiful… and unfair to everyone involved, ESPECIALLY the children.

Now… it has been pointed out to me, more than once, that Bill’s daughters are my stepdaughters. Technically, yes, it’s true that they are… or they were, anyway, before their mother (allegedly) got them adopted as adults by #3. But the reality is, I have only met them in person once, and that was twenty years ago. And really, I haven’t had the chance to be a mom figure to them, so I don’t see how I can call myself a stepmother, as opposed to their biological father’s wife.

If the meme above is true, I would hope that God would have done a better job of choosing their mother. I think a loving and just God would have picked a mother who would not have saddled her children with a parent who deliberately complicates her children’s relationships in the way that Ex has, mainly due to her own insecurities and selfish aims. Ex’s three eldest children have all changed their original surnames at least once. Former stepson had his birth name changed when he was a toddler; then it was changed again when he became an adult. Bill’s daughters’ names were changed to #3’s when they were both over 18, and younger daughter changed hers again when she married.

Am I really to believe that Ex was chosen by a loving God to do the “best” job of raising her kids? Sorry, but common sense and my ability to think logically both refuse to allow me to believe that.

Anyway, I have chores to get to, including the dreaded Thursday vacuuming. It’s time to close this post. I’m not complaining… I have a good life, and I know it. I just wish people would think a little bit longer before they share some of the things they do on social media.

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LDS, mental health, narcissists, psychology, YouTube

“Wah! No one ever gives me any presents!”

A few days ago, I watched a very insightful YouTube video by licensed therapist Kati Morton. The video was titled “8 Signs Your Mom is a Narcissist”. I decided to watch Kati’s video, although I don’t think my mom is a narcissist. I really like her content. She’s warm and empathetic, and she offers insightful and factual information in an appealing way.

The red flags were at full mast on this…

I don’t think my mom is a narcissist. She probably has some narcissistic tendencies, as most of us do. She might even have more than the average person does. But when it comes down to it, my mom does have basic empathy, and in spite of certain accusations made by others in my family, I think my mom has basic respect for her daughters. Especially now that we’re all adults. Or, at least I think she has basic respect for me. She changed a lot (for the better, in my opinion), when my father died.

I probably would have liked Kati Morton’s video regardless. Her content is kind of in my wheelhouse, because I studied social work, and might have even become a therapist myself. But then again, maybe I wouldn’t. Sometimes, I wonder if I have basic insight about myself. It’s probably a side effect of growing up the way I did… in a family situation that looked good, but hid some pretty serious issues like depression, alcoholism, and post traumatic stress disorder. Most of that stuff didn’t get talked about until we were all pretty much grown and seeing shrinks. 😉

As regular readers of my blog know, I strongly suspect Bill’s ex wife is a bonafide narcissist. I don’t mean she has “narcissistic tendencies”. I mean I think she’s got full blown NPD. Of course, I don’t know for sure, and I probably never will. The only way I could be sure is if a licensed professional diagnosed her and it was somehow made public. But I do have my suspicions, just as I have my suspicions about Donald Trump.

I used to suspect narcissism in Ex when Bill told me about his marriage to her, especially as I helped him deal with the aftermath of it. I became more certain when I heard about some of the things that happened after she and Bill divorced. Then, after watching Kati’s interesting video about narcissistic mothers, as well as reading other insightful materials, the signs became even clearer.

I highly recommend watching Kati Morton’s video, because she does a great job explaining the signs. She even mentions former child actress turned author Jennette McCurdy and her book, I’m Glad My Mom Died, which I’ve also read and reviewed. Jennette McCurdy’s mom was a notorious narcissist. But, if you don’t want to take the time to watch Kati’s video, here’s a quick and dirty list…

  1. You are an extension of her. She lives vicariously through you, or wants you to participate in activities that she chooses, even if you’re not interested in them. She sees you as “property”– and has an “I brought you in this world, I can take you out” attitude.
  2. She can dish out tons of criticism but can’t take any of it herself. She’s never satisfied with your achievements and criticizes you heavily when you don’t perform. But if you criticize her in any way whatsoever, there will be HELL to pay.
  3. She shares private information about you without your permission. She tells her friends about your first period, for instance. Or she talks to other people about things that are equally embarrassing.
  4. She holds basic parental duties over your head. The old “Do you know how many diapers I had to change when you were a baby?” or “Have you any clue how annoying your crying was when you were a toddler?” (actually, I have heard this a lot from my family)
  5. She doesn’t respect boundaries. She calls you when you’re on your honeymoon… 😉
  6. Will constantly tell you you’re remembering things wrong. Classic gaslighting behavior. She’ll say things like “That never happened.” or “You’re crazy. That’s not what I said or did.”
  7. She is always competing with you. (another one I experienced, but from my dad) A narcissistic mom might try to steal your friends or your significant others. She might dress too young. Maybe she’ll resent your successes.
  8. It will NEVER be her fault! Anytime there is a problem, it’s someone else’s fault. She won’t take any responsibility for her part in any bad situation. And if something goes well, it will be because of her input.

I’ve been watching Ex for over twenty years. For most of that time, what I learned about her, I learned against my will. I heard about her from Bill or someone else in his family. Most of what I heard was very upsetting, so I made a point of not looking her up on the Internet. I didn’t want her to disturb my peace, nor did I want to feel compelled to call CPS. But then, I found out that she was telling her kids about my blog and spinning it into bullshit. Since they were adults at that point, I figured if she was going to read up on me, I might as well return the favor and give her some of the attention she obviously craves.

Now, I’m (mostly) not as disturbed or horrified by Ex’s antics. Bill’s daughters (biological, at least– we still wonder if #3 legally adopted them) are adults, and are responsible for themselves. Younger daughter has made the leap into full fledged adulthood. Older daughter, sadly, hasn’t. But she’s got to figure things out for herself. Now, I can (mostly) just laugh at Ex.

And laugh is exactly what I did last night, when I saw her latest tweet. Someone in her “Outlander posse” shared pictures of a very personal and thoughtful gift she had received by another fan. The woman who shared photos of the present was gushing over how beautiful it was. The woman’s friend (who evidently isn’t a friend of Ex’s) had sent her a creation based on their mutual love of the Outlander series. I can’t tell for sure, but it looks like this person actually created a hardbound book based on tales told by James Fraser, a character on the show. I don’t watch Outlander myself, but I did do a quick search and it looks like this was a one off creation; not something she bought on Amazon.

If the person did create the book, she did a beautiful job. I would be thrilled to receive such a lovely gift. I can understand why the recipient is so impressed with it. Now that I’m reading other comments, I can see that it was something specially created. People are effusive with their praises.

Apparently, Ex is impressed (and envious), too. She left the following comment:

I’m sure she adores it. Did you craft the book from scratch my dear? It’s the most beautiful gift I’ve ever seen. I have to confess, all the gifts I receive are from myself; since my father died, I can count on my fingers the gifts ANYONE else has given me. Is it an odd thing?

Notice how she states the obvious. “I’m sure she adores it.” (clearly). She asks if it was created from scratch, adding “my dear”, which is almost always a condescending sentiment rather than endearing. Then… she writes it’s the “most beautiful gift [she’s] ever seen”. I’ve seen her write that before, so it’s obviously not a sincere comment.

Finally… she makes the rest of the comment about herself.

Ex’s father– her adoptive father that she met for the first time when she was 7 years old– died in 1996. According to Bill, who actually knew him, he wasn’t a terrible person, but he also wasn’t much of a father. He spent a lot of his time at sea, because he was in the Merchant Marines. When he died, he did leave some money for Ex’s three eldest children– about $15,000 total. Ex proceeded to use the money to put a down payment on the house that she later allowed to go into foreclosure.

I know that Bill’s father and stepmother gave her gifts, some of which were pretty expensive. I also know that she later sold them on eBay. I don’t know what kinds of gifts Bill gave her when they were married, although I doubt he had much money to buy her anything super nice. And even if he did, she probably wouldn’t have liked or appreciated it. From what I’ve heard and seen in the aftermath of their marriage, I know that Bill was more concerned about paying the light bill and mortgage, than gifting Ex things like fan books from her favorite TV shows.

Bill “gifted” her with two daughters and played “daddy” to her eldest kid with her first husband. When they divorced, instead of insisting that her first ex husband pay child support for his son, Bill paid support for him, too. But Ex doesn’t see that as a kindness. At the time, she felt entitled to it. He left their marriage no longer able to father children, because he had a vasectomy for their mutual benefit. She repaid him by having two more kids with #3, and now uses them to promote her benevolent mother facade to strangers on Twitter. Meanwhile, we’ve heard about how she begrudged younger daughter necessary medical and dental interventions, even forcing her to endure a complicated dental procedure unsedated when she was seven years old.

I would have been overjoyed to have had a child with Bill. I would have seen that as the greatest gift ever. Isn’t it interesting that Ex doesn’t appreciate her children, or see them as gifts– even if they were simply from God? I bring up God because Ex brought the family into Mormonism, where there’s the idea that preborn children choose their families as spirits waiting for earthly bodies. But for all I know, she might not even believe in God anymore. Or maybe she only believes in God when it’s convenient.

Ex recently tweeted something else that gave me pause. In parts passing, I’ve written about how Ex loves to use books, music, movies, and television shows to “demonstrate” how she expects her husbands and children to behave. She doesn’t live in reality. She bases her reality on fiction. Bill has told me many times that she expected him to romance her, as Bryan Adams suggested in the song “To Really Love A Woman”, or suggested that he wasn’t “strong enough” to be her man, as Sheryl Crow sang in her song, “Strong Enough”. There are countless other examples of this phenomenon.

Anyway, she recently tweeted about the show, Outlander, of which she is a super fan. Someone announced that the show could be “rewatched” starting in early April, allowing fans to see the whole thing before the new season starts. Ex posted:

Thanks for the heads up!!! I’m a woman on a mission to get my hubby to watch it straight through!!

Poor #3… I doubt she wants him to watch because she simply enjoys the show. She probably wants him to watch so she can “instruct” him on the “right” way to behave. She wants to be married to James Fraser, not #3. She wants actors, not real people. Hell, even her children have mostly taken acting classes… probably because she encouraged it or insisted that they take the classes. She doesn’t want them to be themselves. She wants them to be someone from one of her shows or movies.

If you look at the list above, you can see that it’s basically Ex engaging in the very first sign. She constantly posts about wanting her youngest daughter to go to an acting conservatory in Scotland… when younger daughter has said that her sister would actually prefer to go to school close to home, so she can hang out with her friends. Meanwhile, when younger daughter was college bound, Ex wanted her to stay close to home and commute to her classes. Younger daughter, thankfully, found a way to do what she wanted to do.

Anyway… back to Kati Morton. I find her videos very helpful and interesting, not just because of Ex, but because of my own fucked up family dynamics. The below video is one that kind of resonates with me, personally.

I love my mom… but she was kind of neglectful.

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condescending twatbags, mental health, narcissists, nostalgia, psychology, Twitter, YouTube

“Don’t make me break my foot off in yo’ ass!”

Years ago, I got hooked on the old comedy show, Mad TV. I still laugh at some of the hilarious and decidedly not politically correct skits and sketches they did on that show. One that is sticking out in my head this morning is “That’s My White Mama”. That sketch was a parody of the 70s sitcom, That’s My Mama, which was about a single Black guy whose “tart tongued and opinionated mother” wanted him to settle down and get married.

That’s My Mama aired 39 episodes from 1974-1975. I was two years old in 1974, and we moved to England in 1975, so I didn’t see the show when it originally aired. I do remember there were reruns in syndication, but I never actually watched more than an episode or two. I probably would have liked it. My mom told me that when I was very young, the only show I liked on TV was Good Times.

An episode of That’s My Mama… I never knew that Ted Lange (aka Isaac the bartender on The Love Boat) was on this show…

I am old enough to remember That’s My Mama, and years ago, I got the joke when comedian Artie Lange created his parody of that show. Again, I didn’t see it when it originally aired, because I was in Armenia. But I saw the reruns.

“Don’t make me break my foot off in yo ass!”
“You don’t want to wake up my mama.”

As I’m thinking about that sketch, I’m also reading about Artie Lange’s life. He’s yet another funny man who’s experienced a lot of sadness and tragedy in his life. It seems like some of the most hilarious people have the saddest real life stories. Lange has struggled with drug addiction, run ins with the police, poor academic performance, mental health issues, physical health issues, and a father who became a quadriplegic after he fell off a ladder and broke his back. It’s amazing that even in the wake of so many personal struggles, Lange was still able to be funny.

Yesterday, I wrote about how Ex has apparently had a very difficult time letting her adult children spread their wings and fly out of the nest. I mentioned how, when younger daughter got married, Ex repeatedly called and texted her during her honeymoon. There younger daughter was, probably doing certain things for the very first time, and Ex was interrupting her with invitations to go swimming and eat pizza. That was just one of many revelations we heard about; there were many others and, of course, I’ve been observing for over 20 years. This is a “mama” who doesn’t want her children to live their own lives on their own terms.

This morning, I noticed that Ex was back on Twitter. Someone was trying to organize a group trip to Scotland for all the Twitter folk who like to watch Outlander. Naturally, Ex, who has made no secret about her “dream” of visiting Scotland, expressed a desire to participate. A bunch of people– mostly women, from what I can see– seem very excited about the prospect of the event.

Ex wrote:

This would really be amazing although I feel like a wallflower already… I think I’d feel like one in person, as well.

Bill told me that he and Ex rarely went to “nice” restaurants, because Ex felt uncomfortable in them. They also couldn’t afford to dine in nice places, because Ex was constantly buying stuff– everything from depression glass to new cars– off of Bill’s single paycheck.

When the organizer said she should “save her pennies” to afford the trip, Ex wrote:

Yes but how many?!?! I’ve got three autistic children and desperately need other things, a computer, a car, acting scholarships for my daughter… how could I possibly?!?!

Um… she has five children, four of whom are legal adults, and two of whom are married, and have their own families in other states. Her youngest is 16 years old. He has severe autism, and obviously needs his mother’s help, which he actually gets from Bill’s older daughter. The other two “autistic children” are adults, and they both function well enough to go to college. One of the “children” she writes of is my husband’s 31 year old older daughter, who is reportedly in graduate school, so Ex can sponge off of her student loans.

I also find it interesting that Ex includes needing “acting scholarships for her daughter (who is supposedly also an autistic ‘child’)” as her responsibility. Especially when we learned that Ex’s eldest child actually won a scholarship to an acting school in New York City, but Ex sabotaged it. Now she wants her youngest daughter to find an acting scholarship in Scotland? What if she actually did find one? Would Ex let her go without trying to fuck the whole thing up for her?

Another poster wrote this:

I hope I can make it. I am still not working. I really want to go. And I haven’t even got my passport yet so that’s gonna take some time being out of work is not fun but my rotator cuff injury dictate what I do at this point.

Seems to me that if this person (who is not Ex) has this many obstacles, she should probably not plan on going and focus on improving her situation so she can make realistic plans. I only included her response, though, because Ex followed up with this comment:

I’m with you! I’m about to have surgery on my ankle/Achilles tendon!! Ugh…

And when I read this, I couldn’t help but remember Artie Lange’s funny parody. I said to Bill, “Does she need surgery because she broke her foot off in one of her children’s asses?” In all seriousness, it doesn’t surprise me to hear that she needs surgery. She broke her foot when she and Bill were married, because she was gardening with bare feet. I’ll bet it’s the same ankle that is causing her issues now.

Ex’s final statement on this event, upon learning that tickets to the event in Scotland were “limited”, was this:

Oh Lordy… tickets limited and everything eh? I’m guessing no room for wallflowers after all?

Hmmm… a ploy for sympathy, perhaps? Or some other “pity play”, as H.G. Tudor would put it?

I suppose I’m glad to read that she’s not making plans to go to Scotland, in spite of having so many needs. In the past, she would have just gone, regardless. One time, she went on a trip to an LDS temple, instead of paying the mortgage on the house that she and Bill once owned, and she eventually let go into foreclosure. She claimed the Lord would provide, as she went to the temple, where she claimed that Heavenly Father would not let her spend her life alone. This was a very typical response she had to any serious responsibility she had– the Lord will provide… or maybe more accurately, someone else can be guilted or suckered into taking care of the problem. It never seems to occur to her that her actions have consequences that affect people far and wide. Her choice to go to the temple, rather than pay her mortgage, helped cause the house to go into foreclosure, which affected Bill, and by proxy, also affected me. And I’ve never even met this bitch in person!

I can see that Ex doesn’t care too much about flying anymore, either. One of the excuses she gave Bill for not allowing us to have visits with his daughters was that she was terrified of letting them fly, due to terrorism and the prospect of them dying in a plane crash. I guess she’s over that fear now, since it no longer suits her purposes. 😉 Of course, the real reason she didn’t want them to visit was because she couldn’t stand to allow them out of her sphere of influence, and she was afraid they might want to live with us instead of her and #3. She couldn’t bear the idea of them bonding with their other parent, and getting a break from her relentless ploys for attention and demands for complete obedience and control.

I realize that Ex is mentally ill, and she has real issues that stem from her own traumas. However, I also know that Ex is fully aware that her behaviors are wrong. How do I know? Because she doesn’t let that extreme “control freak” side of her show on social media. Based on what she puts out for public consumption, she’s a devoted mom, and super friendly and “cool”. If you know the truth about her, though, you realize that this is an elaborate facade, designed to recruit new victims.

It also occurs to me that the person who is organizing this event to allow online friends to meet offline is really opening herself up to potential exploitation. But then, I guess one does that whenever one meets someone in person. You just never know what lurks beneath the surface of a person’s outer layer. By all superficial appearances, Ex is a very “normal” person. But the reality is, she’s anything but normal. She has raised four of her five children to adulthood, but she’s still clinging to them and using them to form an identity. She’d like them to treat her like a child and give her that idyllic childhood era back. But she’d also like to be in charge, call all the shots, make all of the decisions about money, and have the ability to kick people out of the house and lure them back in at will…

Younger daughter briefly mentioned that Ex did kick her out of the house once. But then, when younger daughter got married, she wanted to intrude on her honeymoon and get her and her new husband to move back to where she lives… perhaps even in the same house! All I can think of is that it’s a miracle that younger daughter is so functional and sane, given what she’s been through in her life. She truly is a model of resilience.

Well… I’ve probably gone on enough about this. I never got around to practicing guitar yesterday, so I think I’ll log off and tend to that. Besides… I spend too much time fascinated by Ex. Don’t want her to break her foot off in my ass.

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Bill, dogs, narcissists, royals, YouTube

Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet…

I don’t want to write a super long post today. Bill got home last night, and we have today to enjoy before he has to leave again tomorrow afternoon. He’ll be gone until Wednesday of next week, so this part of his “TDY” (temporary duty yonder) will be shorter. I’m grateful for that, because I always miss Bill when he’s gone, and because we still worry about Arran’s cancer suddenly going south.

Arran, by the way, is still doing well, except for the peach sized tumor that has formed on his left side. We’re going to Stuttgart for a few days in a couple of weeks to see our dentist. Hopefully, Arran can hang on through that time, or if he can’t hang on, he will go south at a time when Bill is here. As of right now, though, he’s still pretty vibrant. He wants to eat, take walks, snuggle with Bill, and sleep in our bed.

So… on with today’s topic. This week, the world learned that there’s a new prince and princess in our midst. That’s right– Prince Harry, and his wife, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, have announced that their daughter, Lilibet Diana, was christened. And she’s now going to be known as Princess Lilibet. Likewise, her older brother, Archie, will be known as Prince Archie.

In spite of the recent strife between Harry and his British royal family, the Palace has confirmed the change in status. In fact, as I write this post, I’m looking at the official Web site for the British Royal Family, and the change has already been made.

What was my initial reaction to this news? Well, to be honest, I kind of groaned. I understand that as the grandchildren of King Charles III, Archie and Lili are entitled to be known as “prince” and “princess”. However, for the past several years, the whole world has heard endless griping from Harry and Meghan about how damaging and racist the royals are.

Harry has written a tell all book about his upbringing, with many shocking details about what it was like to be Prince Harry. Meghan has said that she felt “suicidal” when she was in the thick of royal duties for a short time. So why would they want to visit the burden of royal titles on their two young children? Especially when in the United States, those titles don’t amount to much of anything. There is no monarchy in the United States. Of course, a lot of us Americans enjoy watching the royals…

To be very plain, I think this move was calculated as Meghan desperately tries to stay relevant somehow. I’ve mentioned many times before that she makes my N chimes ring… and while I won’t say definitively that she’s a narcissist, I do recognize the signs and symptoms. I don’t think Harry is a narcissist. I think he’s being influenced by his wife. I also suspect that their story won’t have a very happy ending. But I could be wrong. We’ll see.

In any case, I hope the royal titles don’t result in Archie and Lili being bullied by their American contemporaries. Kids just want to belong, and fit in with their friends. Royal titles make sense to certain adults, but I suspect kids won’t be so impressed. I don’t know how factual the depiction of King Charles’s time at Gordonstoun School was on The Crown, but I do remember the show depicting him as being severely bullied because he was a prince.

Treated just like the others… except Charles wasn’t like the others…
Sigh… poor kid.

Some people think it’s time to abolish the monarchy anyway. It’s certainly a controversial idea, as Brits love tradition. I just find it puzzling that after all of the complaining Harry and Meghan have done about Harry’s family, they want to include their children in what they’ve repeatedly claimed is such a toxic entity. It kind of reminds me of how Ex had nothing but horrible things to say about Bill, yet still wanted to be part of his family. Very dysfunctional.

I suspect the timing of this announcement, which was on International Women’s Day (March 8), is very deliberate. As we all know, Harry and Meghan were recently brutally roasted on South Park. Comedian Chris Rock has also had a go at them on his Netflix special. King Charles III also evicted the couple from Frogmore Cottage, where they haven’t lived in years, anyway.

The couple is not particularly well liked in the United Kingdom, and I suspect they are quickly losing their appeal in the United States. Adopting royal titles on behalf of their children seems pretty tacky and tone deaf to me, even if the titles are the children’s birthrights. Seems to me it would be better to wait until the children are grown, and allow them to choose for themselves if they would like to be saddled with the burdens of royal life.

I guess it doesn’t surprise me that Harry and Meghan are now kind of backpedaling about their condemnation of the British Royal Family. Charles is about to have his coronation in May, so that also makes this announcement also rather strategic. Naming the children as prince and princess keeps the couple in the news…

A British take on this news. Yes, this is a birthright for the children, but actually taking the titles is a choice. It seems odd to me that they would choose to take the titles when Harry was reportedly so “damaged” by his royal upbringing.

Anyway, they aren’t my kids, and aside from it being in the news, it has no bearing on my life. I won’t lose any sleep over it. I just think it kind of goes against Harry’s and Meghan’s narrative… it kind of smacks of desperation and hypocrisy. I fear the children could ultimately suffer for it… or worse, they could make other people suffer as they grow up with royal titles that set them apart in a country where the titles are mostly meaningless.

I always enjoy H.G. Tudor’s takes on this couple and their shenanigans.

Also… it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if Lili eventually adopts her grandmother’s name and starts going by Diana. Her mother, after all, goes by her middle name. Meghan’s first name is actually Rachel. I can totally see it. And I bet it wouldn’t be Lili’s idea, either. But we’ll see what happens… Maybe someday, this couple will no longer be in the news. One can only hope.

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