music, songs, technology, videos, YouTube

It really sucks when technical difficulties abound…

This morning, I wasn’t feeling that great and didn’t feel particularly motivated to write. After I watched a couple of videos on YouTube, I finally decided I’d start today off with music. Today’s music video was a long time coming… God willing, it will premiere. Maybe some people will even enjoy it.

The blues song I recorded today is called “Women Be Wise”. It was written by Sippie Wallace and John Beach and made famous by Bonnie Raitt. I’ve been wanting to do it forever. I actually love the duet version Bonnie did with Sippie years ago, but a backing track to that version isn’t available yet. I’m a lot more familiar with the live version of the song, though, so that meant I had to learn the studio version.

Then, I was hoping to record it with my usual equipment, and on my old computer. I would love to keep the old computer going for awhile, until I’m more used to the new one and have all my old stuff moved over to it. Unfortunately, my old computer has become a huge pain in the ass to use, even just for playing music. I kept getting disk overload/too slow errors, even though I dumped a lot of data from the machine and deleted some resource hogs that were slowing it down.

The next issue was my microphone. I have a trusty Shure SM58 that I’ve been using for at least ten years. It still works fine, but in order to record with it, I have to have a mic interface. For about three years, I had a PreSonus 68c that worked just fine. But now, no matter what I try, I can’t hear myself when I use it. My vocals are too low. After consulting lots of GarageBand articles, updating drivers, and trying all sorts of things, I determined that the problem is with the interface. So, I ordered a new interface and a new Beyerdynamic mic that got here on Saturday. The new interface was less expensive than the old one, but it works perfectly. The new mic, alas, apparently doesn’t.

Finally, this morning, after one last try with the old computer and getting two disk overload errors, I moved the new interface to my new computer… I was pleasantly surprised by the resolution in the video, even though it’s not perfectly synced. I don’t like looking at myself on video anyway, though… I’m all about the song. It took a lot of effort to get it to a passable level, even though it’s not quite perfect.

So after I got the video made, it was time to upload it to YouTube… and now, I’ve found out that my internet connection today is as slow as molasses in the Arctic circle. As I write this, I have about 37 minutes to on uploading. For some reason, our internet speeds have really sucked lately. Sometimes, I even use my cellphone for a connection, because it’s more stable.

I don’t actually know why I feel compelled to upload music videos. They aren’t particularly popular or anything. I guess I like doing them because I genuinely enjoy making music, and because my song videos mostly aren’t controversial at all. I don’t have to worry about getting much bad feedback on my cover songs… at least not necessarily because of the content. I still don’t have a lot of subscribers, so if I put up something that really sucks, chances are good that no one will see it, anyway. 😉

I do like my new mic interface. It’s a Focusrite Scarlett 212, which is pretty basic. I like it because it’s very simple to use and well designed. I paid twice as much for the PreSonus 68c, which has more mic outlets, but is less straightforward in how it can be used.

I’m expecting a new cable to arrive today. I’ll try the new Beyerdynamic mic again, to see if I can raise it from the dead. It’s disappointing that the thing arrived apparently already dead. It wasn’t a cheap mic, and it’s a real pain to have to send it back to the seller.

One other big thing I purchased over the weekend is a new mattress topper for our bed. I’ve been using feather toppers for a long time, but they tend to get flat and misshapen fairly quickly. This time, I ordered a foam topper, which I hope will be better. We really need a new mattress, but it’s hard to get the right size in Germany, unless we order through AAFES. Ordering through AAFES takes forever and offers a pretty poor selection. Then, we have to deal with getting rid of the old mattress. It’s not actually difficult to get rid of mattresses in Germany. You can just call and have them picked up. The real ass pain is in getting the thing down the stairs and out of the house. I wish I had some friends with teenaged boys who need some extra euros.

Arran is still hanging in there. I think the vet is surprised, since he has a big lymph node that has become pretty obvious. You’d think he’d be a lot more lethargic and less interested in eating. But no, he’s still dancing around, eating, sleeping, playing, taking walks, and snuggling. He’s an amazingly resilient dog, and he obviously still wants to live. Canine lymphoma sure is a strange disease. When Zane had it, it took him very quickly. But with the help of chemo, Arran is still putting up a big fight. I know sometimes, it has to do with the dog’s personality. Arran is one of the most devoted dogs I’ve ever seen. I thought some of his predecessors were dedicated, but he’s kind of put them to shame with his determination to stay with us for as long as possible. It’s astonishing, and kind of inspiring.

Well… YouTube is telling me that my video is almost done uploading. I guess it took less time than the computer estimated. Once it’s done uploading, then I have to wait for it to be processed… What fun.

Here it is… the syncing is a bit fucked up on it, but I don’t feel like redoing it now. The end result isn’t perfect, but it sure took a lot to make this video happen. I recommend not actually watching the video. As the featured photo says… “Screw this shit.”

But this song is sure fun to sing… I’ll get the technical glitches sorted out eventually.

Standard
blog news, true crime

The Internet is really sucking HARD today…

I don’t know why, but I’ve been having some pretty serious and annoying Internet issues this morning. Lately, our Internet connection has been very fragile, even before I got the new computer. I’m still trying to move files and unload some of the resource hogs from my old computer, so it might still be useful for awhile. But the freakin’ Internet connection really blows.

It’s hard to tell why the Internet is sucking so much, especially today. I have noticed that lately, the Fiberglass Internet Vodaphone guys have been trolling the neighborhood, trying to get people to sign up for their service. Since installing it involves excavation (I think), that will be up to the landlord.

Fortunately, my new computer is willing to accept my phone as a hotspot. I’m sure my old one would, too, but for some reason, I could never successfully get it to do that in the past. It’s possible this is a system issue, and not something with our house or our particular connection. Whatever is going on, it’s very annoying.

I’ve been trying to read a book my friend, Mary Beth, suggested… It’s a true crime book that I’m finding very triggering. The woman involved is like an extreme version of Ex. She does cruel, narcissistic things that are like Ex, but magnified a lot more. It amazes me how many truly abusive and perverse people are out in the world, free to wreak havoc until they finally get caught going too far.

What’s scary is, these folks, by and large, appear to be “normal” to those who don’t know them. Anyone who sounds the alarm is branded as crazy, bitter, jealous, a liar, etc. It really is crazymaking. Things don’t usually improve until people start to compare notes. That’s what has been happening in our situation. Bill and his daughter have been talking to each other and realizing that their experiences were similar. They also confirm to each other than being out of that environment is much better than being in it.

In the book I’m reading, it’s pretty clear that people knew the crazy abusive woman was crazy and abusive, but they were children… and they felt totally powerless to take any action. I’m sure they feared for their lives.

I have been reading for a week or so, and thought I was further into the book than I actually am, apparently. I think I will try to do a lot of reading today, so I can review the book and move on to the next one… maybe one that doesn’t have to do with true crime.

As for my computer/Internet woes, I’m sure they will pass in a day or so. I’m getting closer to having everything set up the right way. I’m kind of missing the times when we didn’t have to worry about such things to get through the day, but just about everything is connected to the Internet now. Even our freakin’ lights are connected to an app.

Maybe it’s time to get a new router… I don’t know. Anyway, I think I’ll take advantage of the downtime and read more of this book, so I can post a review. It’ll also give me a chance to rest my hands and the backs of my thighs, which are still aching from Wednesday’s big office makeover.

Edited to add: I managed to fix the Internet issue. Just needed to unplug from the router instead of the wall. But I’m still thinking I’ll try to do some reading… before someone on the Internet pisses me off and makes me feel like ranting.

Standard
home, technology

My big time office makeover…

The featured photo is of my new setup for my old computer, and the snazzy new lighting strip. I can control the lights from my computer (home app). They’re pretty cool.

Yesterday ended up being very busy. I ordered a bunch of stuff for my office, and most of it showed up yesterday. It started with a slim dock port I got for the new computer, so I would have some ports that could handle my old peripherals until it’s time to replace them with USB C type devices. Then I got a new table for my old computer. I was going to add the old machine to my pile of discarded computers, but then I determined that I might be able to use the old computer for media… making videos, playing music, watching movies or videos etc.

The new table is very nice. It’s made of solid pine, and has a lovely aroma of fresh wood. I was in the middle of putting it together when my new HomePod Mini showed up with a smart socket and smart Nanoleaf strip lights. I hadn’t planned to buy the socket or the lights, but Apple did a successful suggestive sell move. I’m actually glad I bought the strip lights, because they look really cool and offer much needed lighting to my usually dim workspace.

I spent about an hour putting the table together, mostly screwing in the forty screws it took. It’s perfect for what I needed it for, but putting it together came with a price. I got two blisters on my right palm. It was also quite an effort to get it upstairs to my room. The thing weighs a lot. It’ll probably last for the rest of my life, though.

After I got the table set up, I put the old computer on it, and started configuring things. I unpacked the light strip and wondered where I should put it. Then I realized it was just about the right length to go around the front of the new table. Now, I have new lighting on my new table holding the old computer.

Meanwhile, I’ve been slowly setting up the new computer, which is turning out to be more difficult than I expected. Starting with the new VESA arm and ending with transferring files– mostly music files, some of which are on CDs– has been a real pain. For some reason, even though Apple still sells the SuperDrive (with the USB connection), I had to buy a special connection to get it to work on the new computer. And even then, there’s no telling if it actually will work. Half the time, when I try to import a CD, the Internet gets knocked offline.

I will say this, though… When the Internet is robust, and I have all of the speakers going, it really sounds good. The trouble is, our Internet has become very fragile lately. This was a problem even before I got the new computer. My next upgrade will be a CD tower for all of the CDs I’ve accumulated since we’ve been in Germany. I don’t buy them unless the music is something I really want in my collection and I can’t download it. I have a whole lot of CDs in storage, too. If I ever move back to the USA and live in my own house, I’ll have a wall full of them.

I actually moved my old office chair back into my workspace. It works better than the new one Bill got me for Christmas. I put that one in the entertainment/Noyzi’s room. Someday, maybe we’ll use that room more often than we do.

By the time I’d written two fresh blog posts and practiced guitar, I was pretty exhausted. When Bill got home, he walked the dogs. Today, I’m not expecting any deliveries, so I plan to walk the dogs. The exercise will do us all some good, although Arran looks like he’s getting kind of tired. He seems determined to stay with us for as long as he possibly can. He truly adores us on a rare level. Unfortunately, the lymphoma will eventually win.

This post is probably not that interesting to most people. I could be writing snark about the Duggars, especially Josh– who appears to have gotten into some trouble in prison. I haven’t read Jinger Vuolo’s book, and I probably won’t, because to me, it seems like she traded one cult for another.

I could also write about Timmy Rodrigues, who has apparently found himself a partner for courting… I could write about that, but I don’t care enough about it to watch the videos. Or, I’ve just been busier than usual. That could be a very snarky post. Maybe Toni will come back to chastise me. 😀

Meh, we’ll see. I’d like to get to a point at which I feel comfortable and functional with my new equipment. I sure have more computers than I ever thought I would. It’s hard to believe there was a significant portion of my life when I didn’t even have ONE computer. Now, I have six of them… and three of them don’t really work anymore and need to be ditched.

Yeah… I’ve been unusually busy this week. I hope the building projects will be finished soon.

Standard
Bill, communication, divorce, family, narcissists, psychology

“I never said it would be easy…”

I’m happy to report that I finally got my new computer going yesterday. The new VESA monitor arm arrived in the afternoon. Although the Invision 450 arm was significantly less expensive than the Ergotron model I bought last week, it was a much better purchase. I did have to put more parts together, but they were very sturdy and the process was straightforward. I didn’t have to use any YouTube videos to figure out anything. In fact, the Invision had very clear instructions and diagrams that were obviously written by someone fluent in English. So, I am very pleased with that purchase, and I’m enjoying my new computer.

Naturally, the new computer needs to be broken in, which means transferring a lot of files and upgrading equipment. I finally retired some nice Bose speakers I’ve been using for about nine years. This morning, I should be getting another Minipod to use with the one I bought a few weeks ago. That will give me a nice stereo sound in my office. Edited to add: I just figured out how to use the old Bose speakers, too… so my sound system is gonna be bangin’!

Since a lot of my music is from CDs that can’t be easily moved to the new computer, I think I might repurpose my old computer for just media tasks. I ordered a new table to put in my office so I can set up the old computer for that use. I think, once everything is set up, it’ll be very nice. However, all of this change doesn’t come without significant ass pain and inconvenience. Like they say in the LDS church… “I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be ‘worth it’… “. Or something along those lines.

Yesterday, I wrote about the “truth bombs” I delivered to younger daughter. I ended up sending her three emails. The first was a brief explanation about why her dad and I never had our own children. The second was to tell her the dogs are fine. And the third was an apology for not acknowledging younger daughter’s own struggles with having children of her own. I got so caught up explaining about the vasectomy and the reversal that I forgot to acknowledge her pain. So my third email was to do that, and to let her know how happy Bill and I both are to be talking to her after all these years of no contact.

Last night, we watched a video of younger daughter sautéing mushrooms in butter. She wanted to know if we like mushrooms. Bill loves them and told her so. I hate them, and told her so. Apparently, younger daughter’s husband, father-in-law, and two older kids don’t like them, either. Her baby likes mushrooms. We explained about my issues with mycophobia, which is a literal phobia of mushrooms.

Then, after he responded to the video about mushrooms, Bill made another video about what I had sent younger daughter in the first email. He explained in a lot more detail about why he had chosen to have a vasectomy. Younger daughter was surprisingly empathic about everything. She spoke about how her mother didn’t take care of her children. That was left up to Bill’s daughters, who had to look after the youngest two children or else they would be neglected.

Younger daughter said that when her mother stopped working, she would stay up until 5:00am and then sleep until noon. And that meant no adults were conscious to take care of the youngest kids. Of course, some of the stories Bill told were surprising to her, too. Like, I don’t think she knew about the time Ex traded in the family car and bought two more– a VW Euro Van for herself and a Miata for Bill. She did things like that a lot– spending money they didn’t have on things they didn’t really need. It meant financial ruin, and that was the state Bill was in when we met. It took years to recover from it.

In the course of the conversation about childbirth and Ex’s tendency to wig out from the pain, younger daughter said that Ex had epidurals for her youngest two and there was no trauma involved with their births. Why she didn’t do that for the three eldest kids, I don’t know. The two eldest were born in military hospitals, but younger daughter wasn’t. I can’t understand why she wouldn’t have had epidurals for all of their births, especially given her history reacting to pain. But… I have a feeling that was probably about attention seeking.

One thing younger daughter mentioned was that Ex would do things like “swoon”. Like, one time, Ex just randomly fell over, like she had fainted. But it didn’t appear to be an actual collapse. Other times, when she would try to speak to her mother in the mornings, Ex would open her eyes, then close them again… as if she was asleep. Younger daughter knew she was faking it, but the message was that she should go away and fend for herself.

Then she said something along the lines of, “I don’t know why she would have such a big family if she didn’t even really want to be a mom to us.”

I can tell her the answer to that question. If Ex is a narcissist, as I strongly suspect she is, she doesn’t see other people as individuals, worthy of regard. They are mere tools to her… extensions of herself. That’s why everyone in her sphere is Facebook friends with other people she knows. Her children with Bill are “friends” with Ex’s first husband, people in Bill’s family, and people in #3’s family. They aren’t “friends” with me or Bill, though, because we’ve been “painted black”. Ex won’t get anything from us, so we’re “bad”.

Younger daughter would probably happily be friends with Bill and me, if it didn’t mean huge drama with her mom. Bill has to be punished severely for not obeying her whims… for taking care of himself and his needs, rather than catering to hers. I don’t know why #1 still speaks to Ex. She denied him contact with his son for about twenty years. But I see that he and #3 are “friends” on social media.

I also think that of all of the people in Ex’s life, Bill was the most devastating to lose. He has more earning power than the other two husbands combined. He has the most stable family. He’s the best educated, and frankly, the best looking. He probably treated her the best, too. She pushed him too far, so he had to get away from her. She probably sees me as the mean girl who stole her favorite toy. She probably thinks of Bill as her property that was cruelly taken from her, rather than discarded. So, because her ego is injured, she paints us as “black”… evil people who didn’t appreciate Ex’s specialness.

I’m sure she blames Bill for a lot of her problems, including being married to #3. If he had just realized her divorce proposal was “high drama” that she didn’t actually mean. If he had only not agreed to her demand for a divorce and simply acquiesced to her, just as he’d always done in the past… If Bill had only continued to be loyal to her, even though she was cheating on him with #3, right down to moving him into the money pit house that she had to have because it looked like one she’d seen in a snow globe.

Bill was paying for that house, and had probably paid for the bed she and #3 were fucking in, while she was still married to Bill. That didn’t matter, though… and the fact that he still had a scintilla of self respect after almost ten years with her was more than she could take. She couldn’t admit that she was being dramatic and work toward a compromise… change some of her habits and be a better partner. No… she had to “save face”. Lucky for me.

I came along at a time when Bill was being cast out. She was trying to teach him a lesson… force him to “rock bottom”. I ruined everything for her. Or, at least that’s how she sees it. She thought he would come crawling back to her. Instead, he fell into my arms, emotionally battered, mentally bruised, physically scarred, and financially beaten. I’ve seen Ex on Twitter, apparently showing empathy to women in bad relationships. She never lets on what a sadistic partner she is, and how anyone in her sphere is basically in her own private cult. She’s always a victim.

One thing I’ve noticed when I listen to younger daughter speak is that she never refers to Ex as simply “Mom”. She calls her “my mother”. This morning, when she was responding to Bill’s video, she said “It’s sad you can’t have a family because of ‘your wife’.” At first, I thought she was talking about me, but it was soon clear that she was referring to her mother in that way. She doesn’t want to acknowledge Ex as her mother. She’s trying very hard to distance herself from her mother. I’m sure there are many layers of pain there on younger daughter’s side… things that we haven’t even scratched the surface of yet. We may never get there.

I know that younger daughter knows Bill is telling the truth, too… as outrageous as the stories are at times. She knows he’s being truthful, because she’s seen the craziness firsthand. She’s experienced it in person. As a child, she found it easier to ignore, because it was just life to her. Just as I’ve come to realize, so has she– when you become an adult, your eyes open to the truth. You start to realize the truth about people that you might have, at one time, had great love, respect, and admiration for. You start to realize that they’re just as frail and human as you, yourself, are… and some are more damaged and dysfunctional than you ever knew.

I used to think Ex was just a mean, nasty person. Now, I think that besides being mean, she’s also truly very mentally ill, and she’s done some things that may very well eventually land her in a place where she will be exposed to other mentally ill people. It’s because of enablers like her children and husbands that she’s never had to face the consequences of her actions. I think her day is coming, though. Bill isn’t the only one who’s had enough.

Standard
disasters, technology, YouTube

Wondering if I’ll ever get to use my new computer…

Today’s post is probably going to be kind of short, because it’s Sunday, and because my computer is becoming pretty much impossible to use. Between our very fragile Internet connection that is acting up today, and the constant freezing and hang ups of my old computer, I’m running pretty low on patience. And I’ve got shit to watch on TV, too… to include yet another Lifetime movie. 😉

Bill and I tried to set up the new computer yesterday with the VESA computer arm. Unfortunately, even though I spent some euros on the arm, it is apparently defective. The instructions that came with the arm are terrible, so I had to consult YouTube videos to figure out how to install the thing. Most of the ones I found were either done by people who speak English with very thick accents that are hard to understand, or it was all done by demonstration with no speaking at all.

After watching several videos, I managed to find the one below, done by a guy who covered just about everything. And had our unit not apparently been defective, we would have been met with success. But it was not to be. We got no joy. The plate that attaches to the monitor aimed to the ceiling, and would not be maneuvered so that it didn’t aim at the ceiling. Although the vast majority of reviews of the arm I purchased were glowing, the ones that were negative indicated the same frustrating problem we had.

A very helpful video… but I think we got a defective arm. You can see in the photo how the plate faces out, while the one in the featured photo was locked in an unusable position.

As you can see from the featured photo, the plate is flat, like a table. If I attached my monitor to it, I wouldn’t be able to see it while sitting. For some reason, it was fixed in that position, and no amount of tinkering or brute force would get it to move. We wasted a couple of hours trying to make it work and tried all kinds of tricks to unscrew the stripped bolts on the arm.

We failed miserably in our mission to set up my monitor so I could start using my new computer yesterday. Maybe it’s just as well, as we went out last night. The new VESA arm I ordered– cheaper and from a different manufacturer– is supposed to get here tomorrow. I don’t have any regular household “chores” on Mondays, so I can devote plenty of time to getting my new computer going. That is, if everything goes according to plan… which it may not.

Hopefully, I will like this set up. Honestly, all I wanted was a computer I could set on my desk. I didn’t even know what a VESA arm was three days ago. Now, it’s turning out to be a pain in my ass. But, as problems go, this is a pretty minor one to have.

Thank God for YouTube. Wish us luck with the next candidate.

Standard