sex, sexism, silliness, stupid people

Woman freaks out when confronted by a trans woman in a locker room…

The featured photo is of the Friedrichsbad, perhaps Germany’s most famous nude spa… where everyone is naked. They do have days when the genders divide by sides, as well as co-ed days, when people can go through the spa on either side. Bill and I went on a co-ed day, and had a blast. No one bothered us.

One of the things Bill and I have come to enjoy, since we’ve been living in Germany, is the availability of nude spas. I will admit that it took us a long time before we got brave enough to try them. We never tried them when we were here the first time, and it took us almost three years to go naked once we moved back here. Once we finally did the deed, there was no turning back. Now, being nude at a spa is just not a big deal anymore. Not all spas in Germany are nude, but quite a number of them do have nude areas. Saunas and steam rooms all require patrons to be nude, and there are a lot of wonderful spa facilities here where bathing suits aren’t allowed at all.

I guess, in this way, Bill and I have kind of gone “native”. I don’t think we’d mind a nude beach. I know I wouldn’t. I don’t worry about perverts. Here, I’ve seen many people– especially men– urinating in public, although it’s technically illegal. But get caught in a Stau on the Autobahn, and if it’s bad enough, you can count on seeing someone pissing on the side of the road. They just don’t care. I’ve seen a lot of public urination at rest stops, too, whether or not facilities are available. Many of the rest stops over here require payment. Some people don’t want to pay, so they don’t.

I’ve also seen women openly breastfeeding. I’ve seen children change clothes or simply undress in the open air at Freibads. I’ve even seen kids in the nude spa areas, which personally I don’t agree with, because people go to spas to relax. Almost nobody cares. Maybe my ex landlady would. I don’t know. I would think she’d be smart enough not to go to a spa where there might be nudity if it bothered her.

To date, I’ve been to eight different spas in Germany, most of which had optional nude areas in them. Three of the spas were completely nude, meaning no bathing suits were allowed there at all. People carry towels and robes for sitting on things. Most of the dressing rooms at the spas are also unisex. They do have cubicles that allow people to change in private, but the lockers are all in one big room accommodating everyone. And in the nude spas, once you go to where the pools are, everyone’s nude, except for the people who are working there. And nobody cares.

There are people of all shapes, sizes, ages, genders, and persuasions running around at German spas. You are liable to see people sucking face in the pools. They’re mostly young people– teens or young adults– who can’t keep their hands off of each other. But I promise, the spas are mainly for health and relaxation purposes. It’s not a place where perverts hang out. If they are there, they’re below the radar.

Americans, as a whole, are very prudish about nudity. They aren’t the only ones. Brits are pretty shy about baring all, as are Swedes… or, at least the spa we went to in Sweden was very much bathing attire required. But here in Germany, I’ve seen signs with bathing suits and red lines crossed through them… and I’ve also seen signs that say “proper bathing attire required.”

Today, I read an article in the Washington Post about a customer at the Wi Spa, a facility in Koreatown in Los Angeles, who was “traumatized” when a trans woman changed in the women’s dressing room. The trans woman evidently still had male equipment, and the sight of it really upset another customer and her daughter. She confronted the spa staff about the intrusion. The spa manager asked the client if the trans woman had done anything specifically inappropriate. The client responded that the person’s genitalia was displayed, and that was “traumatizing”. This, in a spa where the “lack of modesty” is disclosed ahead of time. I wonder what the hell the upset client was doing checking out other people’s junk, anyway?

For some reason, many Americans seem to equate nudity with perversion. There’s this pervasive fear that child molesters and creeps are lurking at spas, just waiting to rape someone. Those who subscribe to this fear especially seem to believe that perverts are wanting to pose as transgender people so they can prey on women and girls.

I can’t pretend to be an expert on transgender people or sex offenders. But from what I do know, trans people aren’t necessarily sexual deviants, just as cisgender people are not necessarily sexual deviants. And I don’t think that hanging out in bathrooms or spas and pretending to be transgender is a reasonable MO for a person who is sexually deviant. I really don’t think a trans person in the locker room is the issue, anyway. I think it’s the attitude among many Americans that there’s no such thing as transgender people.

In any case, I haven’t seen or heard of a lot of people being victimized at German spas, where modesty is not the word of the day. I just don’t think transgender people are out there attacking people. They simply want to change clothes or do their business in rooms where they feel safest. I don’t believe most men are rapists. I think even fewer people of the transgender persuasion are sexually deviant. And I cringe when I read the many frightened and angry comments by ignorant people who seem to think that people who are different than they are are somehow dangerous.

Sadly, the incident in Los Angeles led to a protest, which eventually turned violent. Transphobic people brought guns to the protest and brandished them at counterprotestors. Another person was hit on the head with a lead pipe at the protest. Personally, I’m a hell of a lot more frightened of all the American idiots with weapons than I am of a trans woman in the ladies room. I think they are a much bigger threat to my safety than people who identify as a non-binary or transgender.

The woman who caused this ruckus made an Instagram video and said she wouldn’t be at the protest, because she’d heard Antifa would be there and she worried about her safety. Um… Antifa isn’t a group. It’s a movement. It’s an idea. This lady is grossly misinformed.

Thanks to my friend, Julie, for sharing this.

It would be one thing if someone actually saw another person doing sexually inappropriate things at the spa. It’s quite another if someone is just minding their own business, changing their clothes or using the toilet. Every single one of us has sex parts. The presence of those parts aren’t what make someone a deviant. Germans have figured this out. Why can’t we figure it out in America, the land of the free and the home of the brave? Grow up. And stop looking at other people’s private parts. Frankly, I think the woman who complained is the pervert in this case.

I hope the German nude spas reopen again soon.

true crime

In Utah, female boobs are “lewd”…

I just read about the sad case of Tilli Buchanan, a 27 year old stepmother of three who was charged with three counts of lewdness involving a child. Back in 2017, Buchanan and her husband were doing hot, dusty work in the garage of their Utah home. Because the two were uncomfortable as they installed drywall, Ms. Buchanan and her husband decided to strip down to their underwear. Ms. Buchanan also removed her bra, and was later caught topless by her three stepchildren, who were 13, 10, and 9 years old at the time.

About a year after the topless incident, the children’s biological mother was talking to detectives about unrelated allegations of sexual abuse involving the children when she told the detectives about her kids seeing their stepmother topless. After speaking to the children’s mother, the detectives decided that a sex crime might have been committed. In early 2019, Ms. Buchanan was charged with three counts of lewdness involving a child. If she is convicted, she could spend ten years on the sex offender registry and up to a year in jail. Ms. Buchanan’s husband, however, has not been charged with anything, even though he, too, was topless in front of children. In Utah, men’s breasts aren’t considered “lewd”.

It’s hard to believe that in 2020, people are still sexualizing a part of the female anatomy that has a completely non-sexual function. Breasts are for feeding babies. While breasts can certainly be erotic to men and erogenous to women, they aren’t primarily intended to do anything other than nourish offspring. Many people find feet erotic and sexy, but people are still allowed to walk around with bare feet without fear of reprisal. What makes female breasts any different than feet, which can be sexy to some folks, but have a completely non-sexual purpose?

Furthermore, it’s not like Ms. Buchanan was prancing down the street, flashing her tits to everyone, nor did the children witness her in a sexual activity with their father. She was in her own home doing hot, nasty, dusty, dirty drywall installation. She took off her top and her bra. For this, she should be banned from being around children for the next ten years, including her own stepchildren?


I’m sure readers can already tell what I think of this case. I think it’s ridiculous. However, given that it takes place in Utah, and involves people in a child custody situation, I’m not surprised that someone got arrested. I don’t know anything about the mother of Tilli Buchanan’s stepchildren, but having been a “stepmother” myself, I do know about the crazy shit that can come up in the wake of divorce and child custody situations. And given that my husband’s ex wife got their children converted to Mormonism, and Utah is the LDS mecca of the world, I know that when it comes to the presentation of female boobs, Utah mores are probably more conservative than most. I would not be surprised if the LDS church has something to do with this case… either directly, or simply because it’s happening in a state where so many people are practicing Mormons.

Judge Kara Pettit of the Third Judicial District Court of Salt Lake County has rejected a challenge to the charges against Buchanan. Although Ms. Buchanan’s lawyers have argued that Utah’s law forbidding exposure of “the female breast below the top of the areola,” was unconstitutional, Petit wrote that “The Court finds the government has an important interest in enacting laws to protect the health, safety, welfare, and morality of children, and to prevent them from being exposed to lewdness.” Judge Pettit also stated that she concurred with prosecutors’ argument that the law’s description of female breasts as lewd “reflects contemporary community standards as to what constitutes nudity.” Yeah, I get it. It’s Utah.

But… babies and young children see female breasts all the time when it’s time to eat, especially in Utah, where people have big families and breastfeeding is highly encouraged for health and economic reasons. What is so “lewd” about children seeing a grown woman, topless in her own home, installing drywall? There was nothing sexual about what Ms. Buchanan was doing. Would Judge Pettit also see breastfeeding children as “lewd” behavior? Children get a lot more up close and personal with female breasts during that activity, don’t they? And women’s breasts are typically, but not always, fuller than men’s are, but basically constructed the same way. Would it still be considered “lewd” if a breast cancer patient publicly displayed her flat chest after a total mastectomy? I’ve seen photos of women who have had their breasts removed and didn’t get reconstruction done. Their chests, post surgery, basically look much like that of males, except for the scarring. Should they be arrested simply for being female, even though they’ve had those scandalous bags of fat and tissue removed from their chests? Should children think of the women as “lewd”, simply because they’re female and showing a part of their bodies that mainly men have decided are “sexy”?

Reading about these cases make me glad to be in Germany, where nudity is not illegal. I’ve been to many textile free spas here, and some people do bring their children to them. Kids in Germany occasionally see grown people naked and it’s no big deal. Because simply being naked isn’t necessarily “sexual”. Everyone is born naked. It’s the way God made us. It’s when grown people start engaging in sexual activity in front of kids or involving them in the activities that nudity starts to become “lewd”. But a person can also be lewd while fully clothed. I would be much more outraged by fully clothed people engaging in frankly sexual activities in front of children than I would in a case like Tilli Buchanan’s. She was simply hot and uncomfortable, not engaging in sexual activities… and again, she was in her own home, which should be considered a private domain.

Tilli Buchanan’s lawyers have said they would be appealing Judge Pettit’s decision. I hope the next judge has a bit more common sense regarding this issue. Women’s breasts are fascinating to many men, but that’s really on the men, isn’t it? Why should Tilli Buchanan face criminal charges for doing the same thing her husband did, especially in her own home, in front of family? What a waste of time and resources this case is.