Tag Archives: opinions

condescending twatbags, rants

I don’t mind calling her “Dr. Jill Biden”. She earned it.

Last night, I read these words from a former Northwestern University lecturer by the name of Joseph Epstein.

Madame First Lady—Mrs. Biden—Jill—kiddo: a bit of advice on what may seem like a small but I think is a not unimportant matter. Any chance you might drop the “Dr.” before your name? 

These words were printed in an op-ed published by the Wall Street Journal, a newspaper with a decidedly conservative bent, but one to which I am a current subscriber. I decided to subscribe to the WSJ a few weeks ago because I wanted to read an article and had to be a paid subscriber to do so. It wasn’t the first time I had wanted to read something published by the paper, and I am a big believer in paying for journalism. I currently subscribe to six different publications, four of which are papers with long histories and storied reputations. I don’t agree with everything I’ve read in any of these papers, but I think it’s important to have access to the services they provide. Almost all media sources are biased to some degree, which is why I think it’s important to read a range. The WSJ represents one of my conservative viewpoint sources.

A conservative viewpoint is certainly what Mr. Epstein, a man with a mere B.A. provides, when he slams the future First Lady, Dr. Jill Biden, for referring to herself by the honorific “Doctor”. Dr. Biden earned a Doctorate in Education, most precisely, the Ed.D., at the University of Delaware. She also holds a bachelor’s degree and two master’s degrees, and she has been working as a teacher since Melania was a wee lass. Dr. Biden certainly has earned the right to call herself “doctor”, even if she’s never “delivered a baby”, as Mr. Epstein asserts is the only reason anyone should be calling themselves “doctor”.

Mr. Epstein brags in his windy opinion piece that he’d taught at Northwestern University for thirty years without benefit of a doctorate or any other advanced degree. He writes that he got his B.A. “in absentia”, because on graduation day, he was at Fort Hood serving in the “peacetime Army in the late 1950s”. Then he goes on to wax poetic about the worthlessness of honorary doctorates, one of which he has. Epstein writes that the president of the school that awarded him his honorary doctorate was fired in the year following the award. I’m not sure what any of this has to do with Jill Biden or her considerable accomplishments, as well as the honest, valuable work she did in achieving them. But obviously, the people at the WSJ who decided Mr. Epstein’s piece was worth printing saw fit to trash the incoming first lady, who at least first became notable for things she’s done with her clothes on and her mind fully engaged.

It may be fair to note that Mr. Epstein is 83 years old, and is likely very set in his ways and his opinions. I’m sure it’s hard for him to imagine that a woman might be worthy of being called “doctor”. Hell, he’d probably rather refer to even the female medical doctors as “doctoress”, as they were called in the mid 19th century.

Interestingly enough, I once got chastised for referring to physicians as doctors by my own dentist, a man who is half German, half American. My dentist, who received his dentistry training in the United States, but has worked in Germany for decades, gave me a tutorial on who is allowed to be called “doctor” in Germany and clarified that here, a physician isn’t necessarily really the same thing as a doctor is. The female lawyer we used in our recent legal situation is referred to as “doctor”, even though in the United States, lawyers don’t typically go by that honorific. It’s because she wrote and successfully defended a dissertation, just as Dr. Biden did. But Epstein is apparently not impressed by Dr. Biden’s choice of subjects. He referred to the title of Dr. Biden’s dissertation “‘Student Retention at the Community College Level: Meeting Students’ Needs’” as “unpromising”.

Why anyone should care about Epstein’s opinions of Dr. Biden’s dissertation is beyond me. The man has admitted that he, himself, had never managed to earn a legitimate advanced degree. He claims that we should not be impressed by Dr. Biden’s accomplishments because the standards aren’t as rigorous as they used to be, and according to him, that’s a bad thing.

Well… as someone who worked for three solid years earning two master’s degrees, I know that there is a lot that goes into earning higher degrees. It’s not just a matter of being smart and showing up. There’s also attending and actively participating in classes, studying, writing papers, and taking exams. There’s also the task of coming up with original ideas and convincing people who are further in their academic development that you are worthy of being awarded a diploma. It takes a lot of time and effort to earn degrees at legitimate universities. There’s also the cost of attending school, not just in terms of money, but also in terms of having a personal and professional life. I worked very hard when I was in graduate school, but I didn’t have a husband or children to worry about, nor did I have an extremely demanding job. I did have jobs while I was in school, but I was not in positions that required a lot from me.

Dr. Biden, by contrast, had a lot going on in her life when she was earning her doctorate. She was awarded that degree only two years before her husband was elected Vice President of the United States. And she worked as a professor the whole time he was in office, bringing a change of clothes with her to her job so she could go from the classroom to state dinners. This woman has surely proven herself worthy of great respect, at least to people who look at her objectively and don’t consider their personal feelings about her politics or her husband’s politics.

As is my custom, I read some of the comments on the Wall Street Journal’s site. I was heartened to read that many people had the same thoughts I have regarding Epstein’s ugly opinions. But I also wasn’t surprised to read comments from butthurt Trumpers, who are no doubt very sad that their disgusting literal golden boy, Donald Trump, isn’t going to be allowed to perpetuate his misogynistic and racist agenda on the United States for another four years… or, at least he won’t if the electors, voting in the electoral college today, do their duty.

Epstein’s sneering sexist attitude toward Dr. Jill Biden reminds me an awful lot of the sexist bullshit many women, particularly those who are married to servicemembers, get in the military community. God forbid a woman wants to be educated, intelligent, and accomplished in her own right. I have run into many little men who are very threatened by the fact that I’m educated. To a lot of guys in the military community, women who have married servicemembers are just “dependas”. Dependa is short for dependapotamus– fat, uneducated, lazy women who milk their husbands for their paychecks and military benefits.

Are there women like this in the military community? If I’m honest, I would have to say that there are, just as many other types of people are represented in the military community. But “dependa types” don’t represent the normal military spouse by any stretch, and I would add that any person who tolerates “dependa” behavior– whether it be from a man or a woman– has only themselves to blame for it. If you’re female, you can’t win in that community, either, because to a lot of these guys, if a woman isn’t an actual “dependa”, she’s an uppity bitch who has gotten too big for her britches and needs to be pushed down to her place. I’ve written about this phenomenon many times over the years and can supply lots of offensive quotes from men reacting to articles written about the “dependa” stereotypes. The people who perpetuate the dependa stereotype, by and large, are also the ones who uniformly refer to Democrats with terms like “libtards” and seethe at the idea that women and minorities might deserve equal rights, equal pay, and basic respect.

What Joseph Epstein proposes is nothing new… I’ve seen it and experienced it myself from the same type of person he is– small minded, easily threatened, butthurt, and rapidly becoming insignificant and obsolete. I think Joseph Epstein has a hell of a lot of nerve printing his dismissive, discounting, and diminutive comments about Jill Biden. I think his issue is mostly jealousy and bitterness. When he called Dr. Biden, a 69 year old woman, “kiddo”, he revealed just how petty and threatened he is by strong, articulate, and driven women. He should be deeply ashamed of himself. I sincerely doubt this article ever would have been run if Dr. Biden was a man.

So yes, I will call Dr. Jill Biden by her honorific. She put in the work. She earned the honor. And we need a lot more women like her to undo the damage wrought by Joseph Epstein and his ilk. I look forward to welcoming Dr. Biden, with great pleasure, to the White House next month. I think she and her husband are exactly what we need.

Today’s featured photo was inspired by Kurt Vonnegut, who expertly drew what I think Mr. Epstein is, in his great novel, Breakfast of Champions.

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musings, politics, tragedies

Death of a “friendship”…

I came across an argument between two friends yesterday, as I was hanging out in the backyard, drinking wine. One of my friends is a Trump supporter. The other, who until yesterday was friends with my Trump supporting friend, is a Biden supporter.

My Trump supporting friend, I’ll call Mary, had posted a negative opinion article about Joe Biden. It was up for awhile before the other friend, I’ll call Sherry, showed up and left what was initially a hesitant, yet respectful comment. Sherry basically wrote that while she generally respects Mary very much, she didn’t understand why Mary doesn’t support Mr. Biden. Sherry correctly pointed out that Trump has been accused of sexual assault by many women.

A rather testy exchange developed. I could see that the two women were starting to get angry with each other. Then Mary pointed out that under Obama, eleven missionaries contracted Ebola and had to be treated. Sherry, obviously flabbergasted that Mary would bring that up when so many people are dying of COVID-19, then asked Mary if she was a “fucking idiot”? Naturally, that really offended Mary, and she shut down the conversation. I can’t blame her for doing that, although personally, I agree with Sherry that the Ebola situation under Obama really pales in comparison to the disastrous way the coronavirus is being handled by Trump.

I’ve noticed that when these exchanges happen and someone gets unfriended on Facebook or blocked, the participants later kind of dust off their hands and say something along the lines of, “the trash just took itself out”. I do that myself, although there’s usually a small tinge of sorrow that I lost a “friend”, even if that person wasn’t really a friend. It just highlights how very fragile relationships have become in the age of social media and online communication.

This is just one very recent example of how people who used to be “friends” and or “loved ones” are being pulled apart by our heated politics. Some readers might recall I actually got blocked by someone last week after she started a fight on my page over Donald Trump. I wasn’t even the one who was taking her to task. And yes, after it happened and the person blocked me, I also quipped that the trash took itself out.

It’s a shame that relationships are so easily destroyed over something like politics. But we probably should know better since religion and politics, while often very interesting topics of discussion, are also the subjects one tends to avoid in polite company. That was always the advice given for cocktail parties. Never bring up religion or politics, because there will surely be a row. Of course, when people go to cocktail parties, they often drink. Tongues loosen and some things are said that shouldn’t be. I suppose it’s the same on Facebook, but the relationships are even more fragile because when you’re not looking at someone’s face and seeing their non verbal communication cues, you’re more likely to unload something you shouldn’t.

I don’t know Sherry as well as I know Mary, although I am “friends” with both. I “met” them both online on a messageboard for second wives and stepmothers. My observation about Sherry is that she’s very intelligent, but has a bit of a temper. Mary is older and seems very wise about a lot of things, but she also has a temper. Politically speaking, I align more with Sherry because I despise Trump and I’m pissed off at the Republican party for foisting his brand of craziness on the world. I’m pissed off enough that I don’t think I will ever vote red again.

But– I also agree with Mary that it’s not cool to go on other people’s Facebook pages, lose your temper, and cuss people out or call them names. I may not agree with Mary’s choice for a presidential candidate, but I know for a fact that she’s not a “fucking idiot”. I think it’s too bad that Sherry had to go there, even though I understand her frustration. I don’t know what all was involved in that exchange, other than exhaustion and stress over who is going to lead the United States come January 2021. But it’s a shame when people break up relationships over politics.

I myself lost a good friend– one I knew offline– over Mitt Romney back in 2008. At the time, I really was concerned about Romney winning the White House. In retrospect, I realize that he would have done a much better job than Trump has done. I still am not a Mitt fan, but I don’t think he’s as bad as I once did. And I’m sorry I lost a friendship over Mitt… although if I recall correctly, I was more pissed off by the disrespectful way my former friend was treating me than his political opinions. If he were to approach me today, I would be happy to speak to him. Sadly, I think the ship has sailed forever.

I don’t know how well Mary and Sherry knew each other offline. They live in different parts of the United States, so it’s likely that they only interacted virtually. I don’t know if they were ever close friends, although Sherry did start off by saying she “respected” Mary very much. It didn’t take long, though, before the respect went out the window and Sherry was asking Mary if she was a “fucking idiot”.

I really try to respect people’s rights to their own opinions. I may not always succeed in avoiding calling people out over these things, but in my heart, I do think people must have the right to make choices. It’s frustrating to see people I respect championing a man whom I personally think is very dangerous to democracy and the overall security of the world. It’s hard not to get angry sometimes when people keep trying to prop up Trump as being better than he is. But I also believe that everyone has different perspectives and they don’t generally form in a vacuum.

I will happily tell people why I dislike Donald Trump and would never vote for him. I just hope I never lose my temper and call a “friend” a name that debases them… This political season has been brutal. I’ve lost “friends” and “loved ones” to Trump’s politics. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get them back again. But maybe the ones who stick around are the ones I should pay more attention to, anyway.

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rants

We can’t stay locked down forever…

Yesterday, I read an opinion piece on CNN by a man named Ed Adler. It was about COVID-19. Adler is over 60 years old, and he’s upset because people are speaking and writing of “culling” the weak and vulnerable and opening up the world for the good of everyone else. In his piece on CNN, Adler wrote:

…we will not be back to normal for a long, long time. Others will venture out. My son (26) and daughter (22) will surely risk the threat of infection and try to resume some normalcy. But for older folks and those with pre-existing conditions, our isolation must be ongoing. We will be the last to resume activity and continue our lives.

And while we wait, we can hear the echoes of those who care little about our vulnerability. One example: As the virus swept across the US, a city official in Antioch, California, said Covid-19 should be allowed to run its course, even if elderly and homeless people die. Ken Turnage, chairman of the city’s planning commission, posted on Facebook that the country needed to adopt a “Herd Mentality” that “allows the sick, the old, the injured to meet its natural course in nature.”

Mr. Adler writes that Turnage later deleted the Facebook post, but refused to resign or retract his comments. He was later removed from his role as chairman of Antioch’s city planning commission when city council members voted unanimously to strip him of his “powers”.

Adler points out that not everyone expresses themselves in the way Turnage did, but many people still have the attitude that elderly and immunocompromised people are expendable and should sacrifice themselves for the sake of others during this pandemic. As one of those who is at a higher risk of dying from a COVID-19 infection, Adler appeals to people to be considerate toward folks like him. He laments that the world is permanently changed and he will never again be able to enjoy the New York City that he loves. He adds:

In a society that has always honored and been oddly enamored of youth and the young, it is not surprising that older folks are deemed disposable by some. But I’m in my 60s and I’m still vibrant. I enjoy working with clients to help them achieve their goals. I’d like to be around to see my kids’ marriages and continue to help mentor their careers. I want to hold grandchildren and play with Walter, my grand-dog.

As I read Mr. Adler’s piece, I felt pangs of sympathy for him. But then I noticed this, posted near his byline:

Editor’s Note: Ed Adler is a partner in a global strategic communications firm. He spent 36 years at Time Warner, many of them as head of the company’s corporate communications. The opinions expressed here are his own.

So Mr. Adler has had a long, productive career at Time Warner, and I’m assuming, has enjoyed a mostly “normal” pre-pandemic life. He’s had children, and given that he wishes to help mentor them in their careers, they are still on good terms with him. He’s not ready to die. He wants to hold his future grandchildren and play with his “grand-dog”. That’s all totally understandable. But what about the young people of today who haven’t had the chance to do any of the things that Mr. Adler has done? What about the new high school graduates who are wondering if they’ll ever be able to find work or attend college in the fall? What about the new college graduates who are struggling with unprecedented unemployment rates? What about their lives?

This sketch from The Oatmeal recently came up in my Facebook memories. I had to laugh, since even though 2016 seemed like a shitty year, 2020 is proving to be much shittier for a lot of people…

How about the children who are halfway through their school years and are now scared to go outside because of what they’ve heard about COVID-19? Young people growing up right now have been robbed of some very significant milestones that Mr. Adler probably got to enjoy when he was their ages. They aren’t the first youngsters who have missed out on prom or traditional graduation ceremonies. Certainly older generations have struggled with finding employment fresh out of high school or college, too. But those situations are usually caused by something like a recession or going to war. They aren’t typically caused by a global pandemic from which there is no practical escape.

How about the people who are forced to shelter at home with partners who abuse them? Should those people stay locked down so that people over 60 can live longer? What about the people who struggle with depression and anxiety and can’t get the help they need due to being asked to stay home? How about the people who will get sick and die of something other than COVID-19 because they don’t want to risk going to the hospital? What about the young families struggling to support themselves, or people on the verge of adulthood waiting for their independent lives to begin?

I truly empathize with Mr. Adler’s concerns. I think it’s awful to hear people speak of “culling” the weak. It’s a very cruel and selfish viewpoint, and it doesn’t help when the idea of pushing herd immunity and “culling the weak” is conveyed in the callous way Ken Turnage expressed it. But we can’t stay locked down forever. Life has to go on at some point. The last three months have been devastating on many levels to a lot of people. Moreover, everyone does have to die. That’s a simple part of living that we must all face. We all hope our deaths will be as “pleasant” as possible, but many people end up suffering before they die. There will no doubt be deaths caused by COVID-19 that weren’t caused by the illness, but because of other issues exacerbated by the virus and the way it’s affected living. I think consideration is a two way street.

Personally, I haven’t had any trouble isolating from people. I don’t mind staying home. Bill and I get along great, and he makes enough money to support us comfortably. But I realize that we’re extraordinarily lucky. There were times earlier in our lives that this pandemic would have destroyed us, not because of illness, but because of everything else caused by the lockdown. I remember being young and trying to launch my life. It was very hard for me then, and I didn’t have to worry about simply going outside without a mask. In those days, I made my living dealing with the public. How would I have managed with my very modest income suddenly cut off due to a pandemic?

For about 25 years, my parents ran their own business out of our home. My mom taught knitting, needlepoint, and cross stitch, and sold the supplies. She also played the organ at different churches. My dad sold art and framed pictures, but also collected retirement pay from his years as an Air Force officer. I can’t even imagine what they would have done had the pandemic struck when they were making their living as small businesspeople. As it stands now, my mom collects monthly payments for our former home from Deborah, the woman who took over the business. She worked for my dad for years. When it came time for my parents to move into an assisted living complex, my mom worked out a way for Deborah to buy the business and the house. I have no idea if the business will survive… or how it will survive. I’m just glad it’s not my problem. My mom worries, too. In fact, she even loaned Deborah her $1200 stimulus payment and told her to pay it back whenever she could. She wants Deborah’s business to survive, because she doesn’t want to repossess the house, and neither do my sisters and I.

I think about the people who depended on us paying them, too. As a teenager, I used to have a horse, and we boarded him at the barn where I took riding lessons. What would have happened to him if my parents couldn’t pay for his board? What about all of the other kids taking lessons? Horses are expensive, so if they can be employed with riding lessons, it’s a good way to keep them in good homes. What about “mom and pop” landlords who have to keep paying mortgage, but aren’t collecting rent because no one is working? How about people who cut hair for a living and now can’t make any money? And what of all the people who make their money in the travel industry? I could probably sit here for hours thinking of ways people’s lives could be ruined if society doesn’t reopen soon.

So… while I don’t agree with people talking about “culling the weak” and I can empathize with Mr. Adler’s concerns about the elderly facing the world again due to COVID-19, I also think that it’s not feasible to keep everything locked down for months on end. Besides being disastrous to the economy, it’s simply not a healthy way to live. COVID-19 is a horrible illness for those who get severe infections, but it’s not the only way to die. People can die because they’ve given up on living. Hopes and dreams can die, crushing spirits. I worry about people getting sick from a virus, but I also worry about those who will drink themselves to death, overdose on drugs, lose hope and kill themselves, or get beaten to death by an abusive partner or parent. I worry about those who will lose their homes and businesses and plunge into despair. I worry about people who will decide it’s not worthwhile to live in lockdown.

Dolly Parton offers lyrics of kindness and hope.

I’ll be honest. I’ve noticed some scary things about myself lately. I’ve pretty much lost the desire to go out. I used to love traveling. I miss it somewhat now. Life has been pretty boring. But I don’t feel like going out, now. I don’t want to deal with the hassle. I’m probably not the only one. That’s not healthy, either. There has to be more to life than just breathing. There has to be some level of acceptable risk. Three months is a long time for most people to give up “normal”. As much as I cringe when I hear about someone suggesting “culling the weak”, I also think that Mr. Adler might want to consider what younger people are missing out on… experiences that he was lucky enough to have and enjoy because he didn’t come of age in a pandemic. A lot of people may never get to enjoy working many years for one employer. Some people won’t ever get to have children or grandchildren. And some people will die, not of COVID-19, but of something related to this altered existence we have from living with the virus. They deserve some consideration and empathy, too.

Incidentally, Europe is pretty much opening up today… just in time for this weekend, which is when I will celebrate my 48th birthday. Bill says he’s planning to take me somewhere. Maybe it will rekindle my love for life outside of the house. Or maybe I’ll get sick and die. But sitting here in the house for months on end is not a good way to live. It’s time to take a chance. Besides, I have a feeling that if I don’t, Bill will eventually drag me out by the hair. He’s ready to get back to living life.

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Trump

Mutual feelings…

I got a funny comment on a link on my official OE FB page yesterday. Someone implied that I’m an idiot. I don’t even think she bothered to read the offending post that prompted her to insult me. I think she was reacting to the photo with the post, which was of a grey, long-sleeved, t-shirt that had a picture of an orange version of the poison control’s Mr. Yuk on it and a caption that read “tRump is an idiot. Stay away.”

She wrote, “The only idiot I see…”

Who? Moi? I wasn’t absolutely sure what she was saying, so I went looking on her Facebook page to clarify. Sure enough, she had a 2019 era link to a post about Donald Trump and a personal comment about how awful it is that so many people “hate” him. She writes that those of us who disdain Trump must be “miserable”, and she “prays” for us because we’re so negative. She actually referred to those who oppose Trump as “haters”. From that, I surmised that she supports Mr. Trump and doesn’t understand why so many of us dislike him so much. Her comment on the link she shared was pretty thoughtful and reasonable. I might be willing to have a discussion with someone who practices what she preaches. But then she came on my OE FB page yesterday and called me an “idiot”, even though we’ve never met and she didn’t even engage me in a meaningful conversation. So I’m not sure she’s innocent of being hateful herself.

The woman’s last name is Fletcher, so I was inspired to dedicate a song to her. She appeared to be old enough to get the reference. If you were around in the 1980s, you probably remember it, too.

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” I used to play this song on my radio show when I was in college, ages ago.

I’ve never seen Ms. Fletcher on my social media before, and I doubt I’ll see her again. I don’t even know how she found herself on my Overeducated Housewife Facebook page. It’s not a very busy page, and I’ve decided that’s the way I like it. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t write this blog for money or fame. It’s just a place for me to express my opinions and share travel and music adventures. I leave it open for those who enjoy it. Since I moved to WordPress, I get a lot less traffic and fewer mean comments. But this blog is starting to pick up steam, so I suspect I’ll start getting more nastygrams from strangers who don’t like what I have to say.

Being called an idiot isn’t a big deal. At least Ms. Fletcher didn’t call me a cunt, like ‘ol Bill did. I’ll even admit that sometimes I am legitimately an idiot. However, when it comes to my opinions about Donald Trump, I don’t think I’m an idiot at all. The man has always been shady and creepy. The fact that some people voted for him in red states and made him the president of the United States doesn’t change my opinions about him. He’s not worthy of being the president. Any man who openly brags about grabbing women by the pussy should NOT be involved in world leadership, as far as I’m concerned. Trump has done a whole lot more bad things besides making misogynistic comments, but the minute he started bragging about molesting women at will, he should have been knocked out of contention for the White House. In 2020, we don’t need a sexual predator running the United States.

As I am still an American citizen, and we are the “land of the free and the home of the brave”, I feel quite alright in sharing my opinions about him– the most public of public figures— with those who care. Isn’t freedom of expression still one of our greatest liberties in the United States? Of course, it looks to me like Mr. Trump would love to muzzle the press and opinionated people like me. He doesn’t like to be criticized.

About an hour after I left that cute parody song for Ms. Fletcher, I noticed a spike in hits on another post I wrote about Trump supporters. They almost all came from several communities in Tennessee, very close to the Alabama border. One link came from Texas. I figure someone must have shared the link on Facebook, or something, because I got lots of hits all of a sudden on that one post. I assume they were friends and neighbors from the same community; perhaps even people in a local Facebook group. I decided to look up the places from where the hits were coming. Interestingly enough, one hit came from Pulaski, Tennessee.

I come from Virginia, and we have a Pulaski there, too. I was curious, so I looked up Pulaski, Tennessee, and read about its racist history. Pulaski is where the Ku Klux Klan was founded back in 1866. Nearby Franklin, Tennessee is where the first lynching of a Jewish man ever took place in the United States. On August 15, 1868, Samuel Bierfield was fatally shot by a horde of masked men who were believed to be members of the Ku Klux Klan. Bierfield was born in Latvia and came to Toronto in the 1850s. His life’s journey brought him to Franklin, Tennessee in 1866, where he opened a store and hired a black man named Lawrence Bowman. The two men were attacked; Bierfield was shot four times in the head at point blank range. Bowman was badly wounded and later died of his injuries. No one was ever charged with a crime.

The other hits from Tennessee were also from around that same area, not far from the Alabama border. I got pings from Lawrenceville, Tennessee, Leoma, Tennessee, Franklin, Tennessee, Columbia, Tennessee, and Lewisburg, Tennessee, as well as a couple of hits from League City, Texas. Now… it’s possible that there are people in those towns who feel the same way about Donald Trump that I do, but somehow I doubt it. I come from a conservative Southern town in Virginia myself, and I have an inkling about what life is like in small town America where people tend to vote Republican. Moreover, it seems that Tennessee still embraces racism, where people celebrate Nathan Bedford Forrest Day. Nathan Bedford Forrest was a Confederate general and a Ku Klux Klan leader. Last year, Tennessee Governor Bill Lee signed a proclamation declaring July 13 Nathan Bedford Forrest Day, thanks to an obscure 1971 law requiring that the governor issue proclamations for six state holidays each year, including days for Nathan Bedford Forrest and Robert E. Lee.

Maybe the people from Tennessee reading my post about Trump supporters were reading because they feel the way I do about Trump, but I have a feeling that they don’t. I wonder why they’d want to know my thoughts about their dear leader. Why does it matter to them what I think? Why look to be offended by one woman’s thoughts on a little read blog? No one left me a comment, but I’ll bet they were discussing my article on Facebook. I wouldn’t be shocked if they were posting degrading things about me. But since I don’t look to be offended, I’m not going to try to find out what they think about me. I’d rather not know.

When you’re a woman in a military community and have the nerve to refer to yourself as an “overeducated housewife”, you get a good dose of the nasty attitudes some ignorant folks from small towns harbor toward “uppity women” who dare to share their views. Those types of people– most of whom are white, southern men– prefer their women to be pretty, petite, polite, obliging, and docile. If you’re a woman who isn’t naturally like that and you refuse to change, you can expect to be on the receiving end of abuse. I’ve been called all sorts of distasteful names by people, but it doesn’t really matter. People I have loved have said worse things to me, so why should I care what some random yahoo on the Internet thinks?

I was raised by a conservative, southern, white man who didn’t like me very much. The feeling was mutual, if I’m honest. My dad often verbally told me that he loved me, but he also let me know in no uncertain terms that he didn’t much like me. He often complained about my laugh, saying it was too loud and “cackle like”. He said I was too opinionated and obnoxious. He said I was too fat, and called me “bitchy”. He accused me of being arrogant, and when it turned out that I had inherited a nice singing voice from him, tried to compete with me, even going so far as hiring the same voice teacher.

My dad said I’d never make more than minimum wage or find anyone to love me. Fortunately, he was wrong on both counts. There have been times when I’ve been paid hourly as much as six times the federal minimum wage. Since I married Bill, who is himself a white, southern man, I don’t even have to worry about making money. At least for now, Bill makes enough to support us quite comfortably, and he doesn’t mind sharing his wealth with me. By the way, my husband was very much loved by my dad, who appreciated the fact that Bill had served his country in the Army. One thing my dad was proud of me for was that I served my country in the Peace Corps. But other than that, he didn’t seem too impressed with me as his last descendant. He was usually a lot more critical than complimentary when it came to his opinions about me.

One time, my dad said he thought I was “nice looking”. I laughed and said, “You’re my dad; you have to say that.” His retort was, “No, I don’t.”

When people had a problem with me, more often than not, my dad would take the other person’s position. Sometimes, when I would express a thought, my dad would say derisively, often in front of other people, “Nobody cares about your opinion.” When I was living with my parents and had a room with its own bathroom, my dad would sometimes go out of his way to use it. He wouldn’t flush after peeing, so I’d later find his stale urine in the toilet, just as if he was a dog marking his territory.

At my sister’s graduate school graduation in 2003, when I was 30 years old and married, my dad chastised and humiliated me loudly in front of a crowd of strangers. I wanted to strangle him right then and there, but we had to get through a celebratory lunch.

By the time my father died in 2014, our relationship had become quite complicated. I was the only one of his four daughters who didn’t care to help spread some of his ashes at Virginia Military Institute. I still harbor a lot of ill will toward him and, I’m afraid it sometimes comes out when I run into certain types of people on the Internet.

So yeah… I have heard a lot of bad things from men over the years, some of them in the form of mean-spirited comments from men I’ve actually loved. A lot of men have tried to put me in my place and shut me up through shaming, insults, bullying, threats, and intimidation. I’ve run into some women who are like that, too. Bullies come in all shapes, sexes, and sizes. It’s taken me a long time to decide to fight back against bullies with conviction, but now that I’ve started, I won’t ever go back to being a victim.

But, for all I know, the hits from last night were all from people like Ms. Fletcher, who evidently simply respects Trump because he’s the president, and thinks we all should, too, even if he doesn’t act like someone respectable. She called me an “idiot” in a roundabout kind of way, which I guess is her right. So she thinks I’m an idiot. The feeling is mutual. But the rest of those hits from the KKK hotbed in Tennessee make me suspicious. I’m glad I live in Germany, where people aren’t armed to the teeth and automatically brimming with hatred toward those who see things differently and dare to express themselves. Germans have a troubled history, but they are wise enough to have mostly learned from it. I have hope that more Americans will learn, too.

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musings

I love it when…

People find old blog posts I wrote and try to comment, then can’t. I was looking at Statcounter this morning and noticed someone had found my article about Kelsey, the 13 year old girl whose father cut off her hair a couple of years ago. That post, which was written in February 2018, attracted a lot of comments when I was still allowing comments on that blog.

At the time I wrote that post, I was hesitant to immediately throw Kelsey’s dad and stepmom under the bus. Of course, I didn’t condone what they did– I don’t think they should have cut the girl’s hair. I can absolutely see why that would be horrifying for anyone, particularly an adolescent. But I also disagreed with those who were calling the haircut the “height of abuse”. Sorry… I am quite sure she was traumatized, but I can think of much worse abuses than a bad haircut. Hair grows back. I don’t want to list the other things that I think are much worse than a forced haircut. I’m sure smart people will understand what I mean.

Anyway, I didn’t write an update, although a couple of people had asked for one. I read that Kelsey went to live with her mother, which is probably for the best. I don’t automatically assume mothers are always the better parents and I didn’t necessarily agree with the mom’s choice to make this a viral event. But it sounds like, in this case, Kelsey might be better off with her mom– I don’t know for sure, though, since I don’t know these people. If I had actually gone into public health or social work, which is what I got my master’s degrees in, I might have even been in a position to know the real scoop. I’m glad I didn’t go that route, to be very honest.

Lately, that post has been getting a lot of traffic. I’ve seen a couple of people try to comment, but I currently have the old blog set up so that only “blog members” can comment. I am the only “blog member”, so currently, no one else can comment there. Anyone who wants to comment on my old stuff can do it on Facebook on my official OH page. People don’t want to do that, though, because they like anonymity. I get that. I just don’t want to encourage comments on the old blog, since I’d eventually like to retire it or move it to this new site. For some reason, I can’t seem to import the old blog to this one. I need more skills. I can see that people are still interested, and more than a couple have wanted to comment, but would rather not interact on Facebook. Understandable, I guess.

It always cracks me up to see how upset some people get when a person dares to express their opinions, even when it’s just on a personal blog like this one. For a long time, my old blog was pretty much under the radar and I could be totally free with my thoughts. As my old blog got more popular, I found myself being harassed by people who were offended by things I wrote. Some people liked my posts… probably more people liked them than disliked them. But every once in awhile, I’d get irate comments from people who either identified too strongly or were actually involved in things I’d opined on. Or some were projecting their own situations on subjects I’d tackled and weren’t able to see or agree with my perspective.

Although it’s a little disheartening to start over after having spent about nine years building my old blog, in a way, it’s also very freeing not to have so many people reading anymore. I don’t mind entertaining other people’s viewpoints, but I don’t tolerate rudeness. I look at my blog as my house. I wouldn’t go to someone’s house and insult them, so I don’t see why I should have to tolerate that on my blog. Moreover, my opinions are just that– opinions– and they are my own. You don’t have to agree with me, but you can’t come in my “house” and be an asshole. If you do, I’ll show you the door.

I don’t know if today’s attempted comment was complimentary or a complaint, but I did notice that the person who tried to comment did find his or her way to this spot on the web. I guess this new blog isn’t interesting enough yet. On the other hand, a few days ago, I got a ration of shit from a man who was upset that I could tell two idiots are Trump supporters. I guess he’s a Trump supporter and offended that I would lump the two guys who shot each other while wearing a bulletproof vest in with guys like him. Folks, I think anyone who still supports Trump isn’t long on common sense. But that’s just my opinion, yo. You don’t have to agree. Since it’s “my house”, I’m going to say what I want. Don’t like it? Leave.

Another thing I notice is that some readers think they actually know me… and they assume they know what I’m going to do. I do have a couple of readers who know me offline, but most people who read this rag are people I have never met in person. Or, if I have met them, I don’t really know them that well.

For instance, on my old blog, I had a follower who assumed the fiction blog I’d proposed starting was going to be full of nastiness toward someone she knows offline. The funny thing is, the person she thought I was writing about is a complete stranger to me. I have never even met the person. If she’d given me a chance, and not meddled in my business, she would have soon found out that writing about her friend wasn’t actually my plan… and the person she thought I was referencing, was, in fact, a figment entirely of my imagination. I doubt she’d believe me, because I think her mind is made up about the kind of person she thinks I am. She kept reading anyway. I will eventually start my fiction blog, though, and she will not be able to stop me from expressing myself the way I want to. Don’t like it? Don’t read it.

I think people who read blogs– especially ones that include a lot of TMI like mine does– erroneously assume they aren’t still total strangers with the writer. There’s something that drives people to read these posts. A lot of the most popular ones are about popular news items. I find that if you don’t support popular opinion, you get a lot of shit from the peanut gallery and people want to set you straight. I have repeatedly written that I write to process. It’s something I do to be constructive, stay mentally active, and learn new things. I’ve had people make all kinds of false assumptions and accusations. A lot of people seem to think they can mindread, which is really interesting when they’re total strangers who only know what they’ve read. But people do that. I do it myself.

Like everyone else, I write about my opinions and impressions, mostly based on what I read in news articles, books, or see with my own eyes. I will admit to being wrong sometimes, but I’m not stupid. And honestly, telling me off doesn’t do a whole lot to change my mind. It’s a poor form of communication. I don’t know what today’s would-be commenter would have had to say. Perhaps it would be yet more chastising about how off base I am, or how heartless I am… or yet more commentary and insults about how I’m not actually “overeducated”. Do you feel better saying that to me? Maybe I should start charging people for that kind of therapy instead of turning it into more blogging.

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