Tag Archives: Peace Corps

communication, condescending twatbags, stupid people, travel

“I’m really sorry about your head injury!” ;-)

The featured photo is a screenshot of a “laugh reaction” I received from some poor soul who is humor challenged and probably has brain damage. Based on the person’s handle, I assume that the person comes from southwest Florida. That explains a whole lot, actually… I’m sure DeSantis benefits from his or her largesse… This is not going to be a particularly “nice” post, so consider that before you read it.

It’s already just past noon on Sunday, a full week after we arrived home following a long vacation. I don’t usually spend a lot of time on Cruise Critic, because I don’t do a lot of cruising. However, when I do cruise, I will sometimes visit the message boards and share my experiences, while gleaning wisdom from other travelers.

Because we cruised on Regent Seven Seas on our most recent voyage, I’ve been visiting that board more often than my usual boards– SeaDream Yacht Club and Hebridean Island Cruises. But, although we really did have a good time on Regent Splendor, I think the experience just drove home to us that we much prefer smaller cruise ships. In fact, being on Regent Splendor made me realize that maybe I’d like to do another SeaDream cruise at some point. So, in the interest of solidarity with fellow SeaDream fans, I started a thread about wanting to go back to a smaller ship.

A decent discussion ensued, albeit with comments from people who haven’t been following that forum for as long as some posters have. About ten or twelve years ago, someone started a very popular thread about “cheating” on SeaDream by using other cruise lines. It got so popular that SeaDream actually used it for their own personal blog (which I’m not sure still exists). I referenced “cheating” on SeaDream, and one of the newer posters– likely unaware of the old joke– reassured me that I wasn’t “cheating” on SeaDream, just trying out different products. Fair enough, and I didn’t bother to explain.

But then some posters got into a discussion about how crowded ports can get when there are a few ships docked. One person– someone who apparently thinks a whole lot about money over all else– commented that the communities who are served by cruise ships “love” it, because it means a lot of cash gets flushed into their economies.

Frankly, I don’t think that’s always true. Yes, an influx of money is a great thing for a lot of people, especially in economically challenged areas. However, I have read about some places not liking cruise ships at all. For instance, in Norway, there’s a campaign going on that actually shames cruisers for being “parasites”, and not taking a “proper holiday” in the countries they visit. Many cruise companies pay “slave wages” and don’t pay taxes to the countries they visit.

Norway, in fact, is going to ban most cruise ships by 2026, unless they meet stringent environmental standards that most ships won’t be able to meet. When we were there, I noticed most cars were electric. The train we took from Oslo to Bergen was also electric, as are the cruise ship/ferries run by Hurtigruten and Havila.

Venice, Italy no longer allows large cruise ships to dock in the city. Instead, they have to dock in ports nearby. It’s because the large ships damage the fragile ecosystem around Venice and make it more likely that the city will be destroyed sooner, rather than later.

Bill and I also had a rather hostile experience when we visited Carriacou, Grenada, back in 2011. I had never heard of the place before we visited there, so I had no idea of how difficult life is there. There we were, getting off our fancy “mega yacht”. I believe I was even wearing a SeaDream baseball hat, because I neglected to carry a hat in my luggage and my poor white skin and blonde hair were taking a beating. In fact, I remember being VERY sunburned on that trip.

We decided not to take the offered excursion, and instead, walked around the town, which was very depressed looking. We stumbled across a museum, which gave us something to do, but was also very interesting. We walked around, looking at the artistic impressions of what had happened to the people on that island. I distinctly remember seeing a painting of a Black person shackled to a tree. It made me feel awful to see that, but I’m sure that was the point. Looking at art is a great way to learn about history, especially the ugliest parts.

There was another white couple in the museum at the same time we were there. They looked like vegan backpackers who slept outside. The man had dreadlocks, and the strawberry-blonde woman, who had a British accent, was very freckled. I remember her asking the young Black woman behind the counter about the history of the island. She was very interested, and the lady was explaining it well. I was glad to overhear what she was saying, in spite of my SeaDream ballcap.

The woman behind the counter was not nearly as engaging with us. In fact, she seemed downright hostile. We decided to buy one of the wood carvings hanging on the wall. She sold it to us in a distinctly unfriendly way. I left that museum feeling depressed and unwelcome… which I probably was, come to think of it. I’m sure that woman thought she knew everything about us… or our “type”. I could excuse that reaction in her, to an extent. It probably is demoralizing to see well fed white people touring an island where people are obviously struggling.

I have never forgotten that experience, and I’m reminded of it every time I look at the carving we bought at the museum that day. It was a good reminder to me that not everyone appreciates holiday makers/cruisers/people with money, especially when they are loudmouthed Americans. We did have a different, more positive experience later, when we bought another carving from a guy who was whittling wood by the pier.

When the person on Cruise Critic made the statement about how locals in the ports love it when cruisers come to town, I was reminded of that day in Grenada, and the bad vibes I got from that woman. My mom, who also visited the Caribbean more than a few times, also had experiences with people that were kind of unfriendly. It occurred to me that maybe we do look like assholes to them. Anyway, that was a humbling experience, although it also made me not ever want to visit Carriacou again.

I briefly related that story on my Cruise Critic thread, and someone wrote that it was good that we went to those places, since they increased “awareness”, that would maybe inspire cruisers to offer help. The cynic in me thinks that’s a long shot, although I do know some folks with money are also generous with it and donate to charity.

I mentioned that maybe I’m more sensitive to people’s local reactions because I was in the Peace Corps. I added more to the comment, trying hard to be even-handed about it because I didn’t want to start an argument, even though I kind of disagreed with the idea that locals love cruisers because of money. And while my comment about the Peace Corps might come off as “humble bragging” or whatever, the fact is, that experience DID make me a lot more sensitive to how locals react. I can’t help that. I was simply stating the truth about how I changed after I spent two years in a developing nation. Excuse me for living.

As expected, someone thought my comment was just hilarious. They left me a laugh reaction. I was left a little puzzled, since I didn’t write anything that I thought was obviously funny. Since I wasn’t being funny, I was left to assume that the person who left that reaction is either intellectually disabled, or completely lacking in manners and decorum.

I like to think the best of people, so I figured that they probably have a head injury of some sort. That made me feel some pity for them, instead of irritation at the inappropriate reaction. I briefly considered calling them out with condolences for their obvious head injury and the suffering it’s causing for everyone in their midst… but I figured that would only escalate things. It’s tempting to fight rudeness with counter rudeness, but in the interest of being a more evolved person… 😉 (that pesky humanitarian streak I have, thanks to my life changing experiences in the Peace Corps), I decided to simply ignore the slight at the source and just rant about it here, instead. Few people will read this.

I get that people– especially the types who sail on luxury cruise ships– don’t like it when there’s a hint of “wokeness” afoot. To be honest, maybe it is hypocritical of me to notice the unhappy locals when I take cruises. After all, if I really cared about the locals, I wouldn’t have even gotten on a cruise ship, right? Especially an all inclusive luxury vessel like SeaDream I. I’d donate the money we spent on the cruise to UNICEF or CARE or something similar.

Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t cruise on SeaDream again, after all. Wouldn’t want to rub elbows with people who not only resent me for taking a vacation on a luxury ship, but also resent me for mentioning that I was in the Peace Corps. Those same people, by the way, usually don’t mind telling me what THEY do for a living… and implying that they have lots of wealth, as they flaunt their wives with obvious “bolt ons” and facelifts. But, what can I say? SeaDream offers a really nice product, and we do genuinely enjoy our cruises with them, even if some of the other passengers can be jerks.

People are always looking for reasons to tear other folks down. They usually do it by making judgments about the external. Since we can’t usually see each other on Internet messageboards, that leaves people to judge what others write in their posts and assume things that aren’t necessarily there.

The truth is, I am rather “proud” of my Peace Corps experience. It completely changed my life and my world view, and it really was a challenging thing for me to do. But I’m not going to tell you that I joined the Peace Corps because I had visions of saving anyone but myself. I certainly didn’t join because I thought I’d save the world, nor do I think I actually did that much for the cause. I joined because I was trying to find a pathway into meaningful employment. I didn’t end up finding that from my Peace Corps experience, but I did learn a lot. I did come away from that experience with a tendency to pay more attention to how Americans look outside their own habitats. And while some people might not believe it, I think my Peace Corps experience made me into less of an asshole than I might have otherwise been. 😉

Take that comment as you will, since I know a lot of people think I am an asshole. Most of them, like that “brain damaged” laugh reactor on Cruise Critic, and that judgmental local woman in Grenada, don’t know a fucking thing about me and would never deign to try to know anything about me. That’s because most of them are focused on themselves, and to a lesser extent, people in their immediate orbits. But, I’m also not going to tell you that I don’t have that problem, too. I think we all do, to some extent. For the vast majority of people, it’s simply part of being human. Especially the ones who have lots of money.

That’s just my opinion, of course. It’s good that I have a blog for moments like these.

No good deed goes unpunished. I was trying to do something good when I started that Cruise Critic thread. I guess I fucked it up by just being myself. 😉 Lesson learned.

Maybe I should look into booking a trip where I don’t have to interact with anyone else. I seem to be a complete failure at relating to other people. And to the jerk on Cruise Critic with the “head injury”, here’s something to make you feel better… Take two of these and don’t call me in the morning.

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law, true crime

An egregious case of justice not being served…

Ugh… it’s Thursday. That means it’s my day to vacuum.

It’s also a religious holiday… one that involves drunkenness, at least in Germany. Christi Himmelfahrt, otherwise known as Ascension Day to us English speakers, is also Father’s Day in Germany. Back in 2014, before we knew we’d be moving back to Germany, Bill and I stumbled across a Father’s Day celebration at a Biergarten in Bacharach, Germany. We watched in amusement as fathers and sons sang songs and drank lots of beer. I knew, when we were sitting there in the midst of the celebration, that we’d be moving back to Germany. Sure enough, that’s what came to pass. I didn’t know we’d be here for so long, though.

Given the absolutely batshit legal system in the United States and the complete chaos that has ensued since Bill and I left in 2014, I can’t say we regret coming over here. As politicians seek to punish and imprison women who seek abortions and their doctors who provide them, and they take aim against transgender people, other criminals get off practically scot free.

Today is also the second anniversary of my friend Matt’s death. I’ve written about Matt a few times in this blog. We knew each other in Armenia, as we were in the same Peace Corps cohort. He was a very special guy. On May 18, 2021, after having spent the previous evening celebrating his birthday with friends and relatives, Matt was walking home late at night in Brooklyn, New York when he was struck by speeding Rolls Royce and left for dead.

In February 2022, Tariq Witherspoon, a New York City EMT with a long history of traffic violations, was arrested for hit and run. He bonded out of jail and initially pled not guilty to the criminally negligent homicide, along with several other felonies and misdemeanors. In March of this year, Witherspoon changed his plea to guilty and made a plea agreement. Yesterday, he was sentenced to just six months in prison for killing a man who dedicated his whole life to teaching and helping others. If he had gone to trial, he could have spent several years in prison

Witherspoon had nothing to say to Matt’s family members, opting to have his lawyer speak on his behalf. What a fucking coward! If anything, we can all be grateful that the bastard won’t be working as an EMT anymore.

For two years, Matt’s friends and loved ones have waited to see justice served against the man who callously took his life. I don’t think most of them are aware of just how lightly Mr. Witherspoon got off for recklessly taking Matt’s life two years ago. He’ll be out of prison by Christmas, if he doesn’t catch any other charges while he’s locked up. Meanwhile, Matt’s friends and loved ones continue to grieve.

I’ll be honest. I am usually pretty much against long prison sentences. I don’t like to see people’s lives ruined in prisons, especially for non-violent offenses. I can’t say that Witherspoon’s crimes were non-violent, though, since his actions in May 2021 left a beloved teacher dead. The only thing that could be said in Witherspoon’s favor is that Matt was crossing on red. But, Witherspoon was speeding, and didn’t even stop to render when he hit Matt– who was about 6’4″. As an EMT, he would have been more qualified than anyone to help Matt after he hit him. Witherspoon just plain didn’t give a shit. It’s heartbreaking.

Matt’s sudden death is just a reminder that you can do everything to live the right way and still be plucked from life without any warning whatsoever. There’s no reason why Matt Jensen should be dead today. He was killed by a person who, in spite of his occupation as an EMT, plainly didn’t give a fuck about anyone but himself. It’s absurd that a man who served in the Peace Corps twice, taught countless students and other teachers, literally influenced people around the globe, and was an unforgettable light to so many, would be taken out by a man driving a Rolls Royce who didn’t even deign to offer an apology or condolences to the people who loved Matt the most and knew him the best.

I hadn’t spoken to Matt in a long time when he died. I never forgot him, though, and I have many memories of good times together in Armenia. There must be a reason why I happened to find myself in the glow of his light. I do take heart that we had what I thought was kind of an insignificant Facebook interaction just before he passed. We both commented on a mutual friend’s Facebook post, and he commented to me, “I always liked you.” That statement made me feel good at the time, but now it makes me feel downright honored.

If you are interested in reading more about what happened in court yesterday, I highly recommend reading this blog post— which is much better– if not more biased– than the Yahoo! article that was posted in the hours after the sentencing. The blog post has statements from Matt’s family members and some photos, including one of his sister, Pamela. I was interested in her comments, as Matt told me about his family. I remember him telling him about his sister, who had served as a second mother to him.

I don’t wish terrible things for Tariq Witherspoon. He should do his time and hopefully reform. But I do hope that somewhere beneath that indifferent exterior, there is some modicum of remorse lurking… especially since Mr. Witherspoon is himself a father now. And I also hope that something is done about McGuinness Boulevard, the dangerous street in Brooklyn where Matt lost his life. It’s been a problem for others who have also been hurt or killed trying to cross it. If the powers that be could make that street safer, perhaps Matt’s death will have been somewhat less in vain. My niece lives in Brooklyn, so I hope she knows how dangerous that road is.

I am very disappointed in Tariq Witherspoon’s prison sentence. I don’t think the punishment remotely fits the crime. Even if Matt hadn’t been such an incredible person, six months would not be sufficient time in prison for the crime he committed. In fact, I’d say it’s an insult to victims. May God forgive Witherspoon, because I know a lot of people never will.

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Bill, complaints, modern problems, music, rants

It’s already been kind of an exasperating day…

Like many good children coming of age in the South in the 70s and 80s, I was well-acquainted with the corny hillbilly variety show, Hee Haw, from an early age. This morning, I am thinking of Kenny Rogers’ ex-wife, Marianne Gordon, who starred on that show in the 80s, as a southern belle who regaled everyone with stories about her fictitious daddy, “The Colonel”. She always started her skits off by saying, “It’s been an exasperating day.” That’s kind of how I feel today.

I have to admit, I liked this show. It’s less toxic than ANTM is.

It started with washing the sheets… always a pain in the ass, but especially when I also wash the duvet covers. We also decided to rotate the mattress, to redistribute the lumps in the mattress. My lower back was hurting, so I wasn’t much help. Bill got it turned on his own. Then, I realized the issue probably isn’t the mattress as much as it is the feather topper. It either needs to be replaced, or we need to get used to sleeping without it. Really, we need a new mattress, but it’s not so easy to get an American king sized mattress in Germany.

Then, once I got that mess straightened out, I had to wrestle the duvet into the duvet cover, which is quite an annoying task with a king sized duvet. I managed to do it without breaking out in too much of a sweat.

I sat down to write this morning’s blog post, but then got sidetracked by my music library. A few months ago, I replaced my old computer, but not all of my music moved over on the cloud. Consequently, I’ve got some “greyed out” files on my new computer. I end up having to manually move the music by using an external drive. The files don’t always successfully make it on the external drive, so I have to do it again. It’s a hassle, but worth it to me, because I love my music collection that much. I think I spent about an hour on that today, and I’m not even done with the task. Every day, I move more files, and it seems like the job is never ending.

I finally had to quit moving files, because I was getting so frustrated. It is kind of satisfying to see the greyed out files turn black, though.

I recorded a couple of new songs yesterday. One song went off pretty much perfectly. The other one was a real pain to get right. It’s not actually as perfect as I’d like it to be, but I was determined to get it up yesterday, so I settled for less. I got a comment from someone who thought it was my equipment that caused the issue, but no… it was a psychological issue. You know how, when you try to do something and you mess up, you kind of psych yourself out when you try again? That was me when I was trying to record “All I Have”. I did it nine years ago and it turned out just about perfectly, but no one ever hits that video because it has photos instead of me on camera. Nine years ago, no one watched my channel. Now, I have more people who pay attention to it.

Oh well. Maybe I’ll try again in nine years.

Last night, I found out that a British guy I met in 2011, while on a SeaDream cruise, is going to be joining Bill and me next month on our Regent cruise. He and his wife hung out with us on that cruise and we kept in touch for awhile, but then drifted apart. Looks like we’ll be seeing each other again. What are the odds?

Actually, that kind of stuff happens to me a lot. I have a knack for running into people I either used to know, or who know people I know. Here’s an example. Back in the late 1990s, I waited tables at a nice restaurant in Williamsburg, Virginia. One day, I waited on a couple with Irish accents. I asked them where they were from, and they said they came from Belfast. I told them I had a friend from there who lived in Newtownards (a suburb). We worked at a tiny Presbyterian church camp in the summer of 1994, then we traveled through Europe with his now wife, who’d also worked at the camp. The couple said, “Was your friend’s name Chris Sheals?”

Sure enough, it was… and it turned out he was their next door neighbor. What are the odds? There are lots of restaurants in Williamsburg, and plenty of waiters. Somehow, they found their way to my section.

Another time, a friend and I crashed at a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer’s apartment in Sofia, Bulgaria for about a week. When we got back to the States, I went to the Peace Corps office in Washington, DC to do some career networking. There wasn’t an event going on, or anything. I just went there on a whim. Sure enough, I ran into that guy whose apartment we crashed in Bulgaria… he was from New York and had come to the office for the same reasons I did. Again, totally unplanned…

And, here’s a final example. In the spring of 1999, I went to the Peace Corps office in DC again, that time with a friend I knew from Peace Corps/Armenia. I had planned to meet that friend. We went into the office and ran into another person from our group, Matt Jensen. And it’s funny that I’m writing this today, because Matt died two years ago in Brooklyn, when someone ran into him and left him for dead. I’ve written about Matt before… and that was the last time I saw him, on that day in the Peace Corps office, completely by chance. Incidentally, we’re still waiting for justice regarding Matt’s death. The wheels of justice are moving way too slow.

Those are just a few examples I can think of offhand of my running into people, but it actually seems to happen to me a lot. I run into people, or find out I know someone another person knows… or I end up connecting them with someone else who has a connection. It seems to be one of my special and more memorable traits. So I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised to be bumping into someone I met years ago on another cruise… My world seems to be particularly small. 😉

Even meeting Bill was kind of like that. We met in a chat room in 1999. In 2001, before we met in person, he went to a convention in Little Rock, Arkansas… where he ran into my aunt’s brother, Ralph. Ralph was a member of the Kansas National Guard, while Bill was in the Arkansas Guard. But Bill wasn’t with the Arkansas people, because he was federalized. Ralph was in the Kansas Guard, but he lives in Virginia… Sure enough, they bumped into each other, and chatted. Later, Ralph told me he’d met my “boyfriend”. I laughed and said he wasn’t my boyfriend. We hadn’t even met in person at that point. Ralph said, “Oh, trust me, he’s your boyfriend. And don’t worry. He’s okay.”

I was nervous about meeting Bill, since we met online. Ralph also had the benefit of being a former Virginia State Trooper, which made him a pretty good judge of character. Twenty years later, you can see that Ralph was right that Bill is “okay”. And I guess he WAS my boyfriend, after all.

Well… I guess I should end this post. I am feeling calmer now, so I guess I’ll practice guitar and take Noyzi for a walk, then maybe make another video, or finish reading my freakin’ book. Later, y’all.

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Armenia, history, holidays

It’s Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day…

The featured photo was taken on April 24, 1997, when I was still a Peace Corps Volunteer in Armenia. From October 1996 until August 1997, I lived just across the street from Tsitsernakaberd, the Armenian Genocide Memorial, in Yerevan, Armenia.

I think today’s post will be somewhat short. I’m getting a late start today, and there are still some things I’d like to do that don’t involve blogging. I did want to take a few minutes, though, to recognize Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day. This is a holiday that occurs in the Republic of Armenia every April 24th, as thousands of Armenians travel to the capital city of Yerevan and make their way up a hillside to pay their respects to people who died in the Armenian Genocide.

A look at what’s going on in Yerevan today. This is a lot bigger than it was when I was living there.

As regular readers know, I was a member of the third group of Peace Corps Volunteers to serve in Armenia. I was assigned the to capital city of Yerevan. It’s my understanding that Volunteers are no longer placed in Yerevan, because it’s gotten to be so modern and “nice” (and no doubt, more expensive). In my days as a Volunteer, Yerevan was “up and coming”, and I got to see it change a lot in just two years. When we arrived in 1995, Yerevan was pretty rough, but by the time we left, businesses were coming in and expanding. The powers that be had already decided that no more Volunteers would serve there, but would instead be sent out to the regions.

If I had to do it over again, I think I would have preferred an assignment outside of the capital city. However, I did end up having a “real” Peace Corps experience, and Armenia is one of those places where a huge portion of the population lives near the capital. So, there’s a lot of action there…

I taught at a school that, when I was a Volunteer, offered all ten “forms”. One of my former students, from a tenth form class during my second year, now works at Peace Corps/Armenia. I think the school where I taught now only handles kids in the early years of their educations. I also think the system has changed since I was a Volunteer, from 1995-97.

My school was named after a poet named Ruben Sevak, who was one of a million Armenians killed in the Genocide in 1915. Back in 1995, Sevak’s daughter, who was then in her 80s and living in France, came to visit the school. I got to meet her. I wrote more about Ruben Sevak here. He was a fascinating man who died much too young. And it was all because of hatred and a basic lack of respect by people for other people, same as any horrendous human rights violation is. Hitler was reportedly inspired by the Armenian Genocide when he came up with his “Final Solution”.

Isn’t it interesting that I now live in Germany, where there are reminders everywhere about the horrors of the past? Except this time, I live in the place where the perpetrators mostly came from, rather than the place where the victims lived. I’ve learned a lot from living in both places, and I’m very grateful that I’ve the opportunities that I’ve had to see and be influenced by both places. I’m not sure how I got so lucky to have these experiences, since I know that most Americans don’t get to travel abroad, let alone live abroad several times, courtesy of the U.S. government.

Anyway… today, I will try especially hard to take a moment to ponder the biggest lessons that came from the Armenian Genocide and the Holocaust. It really disturbs me to see that same trend happening in the United States now. I’ve noticed a lot of negativity in the United States, especially in the era of Trump and the completely bastardized version of the Republican Party that we have now. I just hope it doesn’t come down to the horrors of the past repeating themselves, although given the gun violence problems we have now, maybe things are already heading in that direction.

Well, that’s about it for today’s post. Gotta take Noyzi for a walk and have some lunch… and then, maybe plow through more of my latest book, so I can post a new review. Catch you all later.

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complaints, Military, rants, stupid people

Repost: Slow down there, Dependa…

Hi folks. Happy President’s Day. I am still trying to come up with today’s fresh topic, so here’s a repost from December 31, 2018. It’s a little dated, as Trump was still president when I posted it… However, the basic idea is still valid, as a lot of insecure people still have derogatory opinions about people who aren’t like they are. I posted fresh content on the travel blog, and maybe later, I will do so here, too. I just need to come up with something.

Last night, I was reading the comments on an article posted by the Army Times (I had linked it, but the link doesn’t work now) about retired General Stanley McChrystal, who warns about Trump’s plans to cut troops in Afghanistan.  I honestly don’t know why I read the article, since this isn’t really a topic that interests me.  I think I read it because I recognized McChrystal’s name.  But anyway, as usual, I ignored the little voice in my head that always tells me to avoid reading the comments on news articles posted on Facebook, particularly by military types.

It’s no secret that a lot of military folks are die hard Republicans, even though the military lifestyle is a study in socialism.  The government provides servicemembers with all sorts of benefits, ranging from housing to medical to educational.  And yet, many military people are typically politically conservative.  While there are many military servicemembers who are intelligent and thoughtful, and they vote for people over political parties, there are a lot of others who are doggedly persistent in voting for parties over people.  Consequently, we end up with immoral and incompetent morons like Donald Trump as our president.

Adding insult to injury is the pervasive stupidity and sexism among some servicemembers.  I see comment after comment, typically by insecure men, demeaning people whose opinions don’t line up with their world views.  More than one male laments how the Army Times is becoming “liberal”, simply because like most other legitimate news sources, it doesn’t heap praise on Donald Trump or his cronies.  And if one points out some of Trump’s many shortcomings, the insults fly with wild abandon, particularly if the other commenter is female.

One comment that I frequently see on publications such as the Army Times is, “Have you served?”  It seems that according to some Facebook users, one must have signed up for the military to make a  comment about any topic regarding the military.  It doesn’t matter if one has been around military people from birth.  A person’s experiences working with the military, being married to the military, or having been raised by the military means nothing to these lunkheads.  Time after time, I see these uninformed folks bringing up the “oath” they recited to protect and defend the Constitution.

I bet a lot of servicemembers would be very surprised that I, as a returned Peace Corps Volunteer, took the very same oath on August 22, 1995 that they did when they joined the service.  Thirty of my American colleagues were with me that day, as I swore “to support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.”  Servicemembers are not the only ones who take that oath, nor are they they only ones who serve their country.

So what’s bringing on today’s rant?  As I was reading people’s thoughts on General McChrystal’s comments regarding Trump’s leadership, I noticed an intelligent and coherent comment made by a brave woman, who wasn’t quick to dismiss McChrystal’s warnings.  The man she was engaging immediately responded with, “Slow down there, Dependa!”  I almost wish she’d responded with, “Speed up there, Numbnuts.”

For those who have not read my previous rants about the term “dependa”, and don’t know what it means, allow me to offer a quick explanation.  “Dependa” is short for “dependapotamus”.  It’s in reference to the term “dependent”, which is government-ese for the spouse and children of someone who is serving or has served in the military and receives benefits.  There is a pervasive and specific stereotype of woman this term refers to.  It’s generally a very uneducated woman who’s fat, ugly, and willing to put out for marriage to a military guy who will give her his benefits.  She typically spends all his money, pops out babies, doesn’t have a job or go to school, and thinks her “job” is being a “proud military wife”, to the point of wearing t-shirts and putting “proud Army wife” bumper stickers on her SUV.

I have been around military folks my entire life.  In truth, I haven’t run into too many people who fit the “dependa” stereotype, save for Bill’s ex wife.  Last night, I read this very disrespectful article about the so-called “dependa” phenomenon.  It kind of pissed me off, but at the same time, I have to admit Bill’s ex does fit the description quite well, at least when they first got married.  And Bill, bless his heart, did fall for her bullshit, in part, because he was lonely.  It’s true that I despise Bill’s ex wife, but if I’m honest and objective, she was a high school dropout; she has five kids by three men– all three of whom were once in the military; she did drain Bill’s bank account; and she was very interested in his benefits.  But never mind that…  I’m sure there must be others like Ex, since this is such a pervasive insult among military types. 

What makes me sad, though, are the people who automatically label any spouse or family member a “dependa”.  It doesn’t matter who she is (and it’s almost always a she).  She could have a full time job and make more money than her husband does.  She’s still a “dependa” in the eyes of some of these boneheads.  She could have never had children, wear a size four dress, and be working on her Ph.D.  She’s still a “dependa”, if she’s married to a guy in the military.  And as a dependa, her comments are irrelevant and easily dismissed.  Actually, a woman with education seems to be even more offensive to some of these folks.  They complain about uneducated, unemployed women who act like leeches, but God forbid you go beyond a simple bachelor’s degree.  Then, you don’t know your place and need to be knocked down a peg or two.

Anyway, I noticed that the guy who wrote “Slow down there, Dependa” must have been threatened by the intelligent remarks made by the woman he was addressing.  I think if you must immediately insult a stranger in a retort to them, you must not be very sure of your own standing.  To the woman’s credit, she defended her decidedly “not dependa” status, clarifying that she has a degree and earns as much money as her husband does.  And she called him an “ass” for insulting her with that degrading label.

I would have included their exchange in this post, but by the time I went back to find it, it had disappeared.  I wonder why.  I haven’t noticed the Army Times deleting offensive comments, so maybe the guy who wrote “Slow down there, Dependa” felt badly for writing it.  He should feel bad about that.  Are there any women in his life that he loves?  Would he want them to be called “dependa” or some other derogatory name, simply because of where her spouse works?

Some people probably think of me as a “dependa”, although I’m not uneducated and have never had children.  I suppose it’s less offensive to me to be called that by people who’ve met me or even know me online.  In fairness, I do sponge off of my husband, although I don’t spend his money on Coach bags or abuse the Tricare system. 

But this was an exchange between two strangers.  The guy who immediately tossed out the “dependa” insult didn’t even pretend to take the woman’s comments seriously.  He simply made those comments because she’s female and married to someone in the military.  And, it was very obvious to me that she way outpaced him in the intelligence department.  That’s probably why he felt he had to insult her.  He clearly couldn’t hold a candle to her mental acuity and couldn’t stand the idea that she’s obviously smarter than he is. 

This is certainly not the only time I’ve written about this subject.  Unfortunately, I’ve read a lot of sexist, demeaning, insulting, and downright nasty comments from men who lack the ability to be civilized on social media.  It won’t change.  I shouldn’t read comments on the Army Times… but on the positive side, at least this kept me from reading more blog posts by Roosh V.

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