Tag Archives: profanity

controversies, funny stories, language

Repost: “Cum” is not always a “bad word”…

Here’s another repost from May 23, 2018. I’m reposting it, because I think it’s funny. Keep in mind, this happened four years ago, before the world went to pandemic hell.

Last night, while quaffing too much wine and getting overly emotional about musical selections on iTunes, I ran across an article about a woman from Charleston, South Carolina who purchased a $70 cake from a Publix supermarket.  Cara Koscinski’s son, Jacob, had just graduated from homeschool “Summa Cum Laude”.  Just as an aside, I didn’t realize Latin superlatives were a thing for people finishing high school.  But apparently, this young man graduated with highest honors, finishing with a GPA of 4.79.

Bwahahahaha!

Koscinski had used Publix’s online ordering system to acquire the cake.  When she typed in “Summa Cum Laude”, the system automatically censored the word “cum”.  So Ms. Koscinski, thinking that a human being would be looking at the comments section on the order form, explained that the word “cum” in this instance was referring to the Latin phrase, not the disgusting slang term for semen.

Unfortunately, the person who decorated the cake was lacking both critical thinking skills and the powers of observation.  The person decorated the cake and wrote “Summa — Laude”, omitting the word “cum”.  Koscinski’s husband, who picked up the cake at the store, did not look at it before it was presented to Koscinski’s son, who was reportedly “humiliated” when he saw it.

Few things here…  First off, it was a very stupid mistake.  I don’t blame Ms. Koscinski for publicizing this or even speaking to the manager about this oversight.  The online ordering system obviously needs to be updated in some way and the bakery employees need training.  Clearly, the person who decorated the cake was either working on autopilot or needs to be educated about Latin phrases that might be requested for decorated desserts.  At the very least, the rest of the world deserves to have a good laugh at the stupidity of this error.

Secondly, I kind of think Ms. Koscinski’s anger is a little bit out of proportion.  I mean, as sad as it is that apparently no one else at that particular Publix has ever ordered a cake with “Summa Cum Laude” on it, the error is kind of funny.  And if Jacob was really “humiliated” by a mistake that wasn’t his fault, he’s probably going to have a tough time of it in the real world.  When it comes down to it, it’s just a few dashes of icing that will be eaten, anyway.  Evidently, the young man felt he had to explain the term “cum” to his grandmother and why it would be censored on the cake.  Kind of makes me think he must come from a very sheltered family who doesn’t eat a lot of cum. 

And finally… if there’s one thing to be learned about this story, it’s that whenever you purchase a decorated cake, it pays to look at the finished product before you leave the store.  It might also be a good idea to order the cake in person or skip the grocery store bakeries and patronize a small business instead.  Actually, just reading about this reminds me of our wedding reception and how I wish I’d used a small catering service in town instead of the one offered at Virginia Military Institute.  I think I would have been much happier with the results.

Ms. Koscinski did get an apology, a gift card, and a refund from Publix.  They also offered to remake the cake for her.  She declined, stating “You only graduate once.”  That may be true, but Koscinski’s son will probably be cumming for the rest of his life.  At least he’ll have a funny story to share about it.

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condescending twatbags, fake news, music, politics, poor judgment, stupid people

A profane downloading frenzy I engaged in after reading about Mike Lindell, the My Pillow Guy…

Today’s post is full of profanity. Proceed with caution. Also, it’s true that yesterday was National Kool-Aid Day. Go figure!

I have a very strange sense of humor sometimes. I find the oddest things funny. Or, I will laugh uproariously for hours over something dumb. Sometimes dumb shit will make me do things that are kind of odd. Such was the case yesterday.

Several years ago, when I was still living in the house from hell, I made an iTunes list I call “Fuck you”. It basically consists of songs in my library that are profane. Not all of the songs in that playlist have the word “fuck” in the title, but an awful lot of them do. I probably felt compelled to make the playlist after being yelled at and blamed, once again, by our ex landlady. By the way, I see in my Facebook memories that it was seven years ago today that we decided to move into her hovel. This was what I had to say about that…

Notice how I put “delightful” in quotes. Even then, I had a feeling. This is a lesson to the wise– to listen to your gut. I knew it was an act even then– in spite of her efforts to put her best face forward.

Anyway, as I was reading about Mike Lindell’s legal problems, thanks to his decision to meddle in the elections, I was inspired to re-visit that playlist. I went on an iTunes downloading binge, buying songs entitled “Fuck that guy.” Because that’s what I had to say about Mike Lindell. Seriously? Fuck that guy. Fuck him!

Fuck that guy!

Mike Lindell is probably about to be sued for defamation by Dominion Voting Systems. Dominion has accused Mr. Lindell of spreading ridiculous lies and reckless untruths about the company and its voting machines. This week, a judge has agreed that Mr. Lindell has “made his claims knowing that they were false or with reckless disregard for the truth.“

Lindell also promised that by yesterday, Joe Biden would voluntarily step aside and allow Trump to be reinstated after he proved that China interfered in the 2020 Presidential Election. Of course, not only did that not happen, but it wasn’t fucking true. Moreover, what Lindell was proposing, and stirring up the MAGA folks about, was a literal impossibility in the way our government is run. Even if Joe Biden stepped aside, that wouldn’t have necessarily meant Trump would be reinstated.

Mike Lindell isn’t a particularly good student of history, is he? He’s not the first person to predict “end times” by setting a specific date and time for the world to end or some other catastrophic and earth shattering event to occur. It’s never worked out that way for any other group or individual. They say something big will happen on such and such a date, and it never does. And then the person or group looks like an even bigger asshole than they already are. As you can see, Lindell’s predictions did NOT come to pass. How many people are shocked? I’m sure not.

I might be able to laugh about all of this, except that idiots like Mike Lindell stir up all the crackpots in America… the conspiracy theorists and conservative whackjobs who aren’t afraid to be violent to try to stir up trouble. And so, the people who have to deal with the masses, who get wound up over the absurd idea that Trump could be reinstated, spend the whole summer on edge, waiting for the shoe to drop. So seriously? Fuck that guy.

I ended up downloading five different songs called “Fuck That Guy”. They range in quality. I’m currently listening to an album called Wreckless Abandon by a band called The Dirty Knobs— turns out it’s Mike Campbell’s band. I had never heard of them before yesterday, and in fact, didn’t even listen to a sample of their music before I bought their album. So far, of all the “Fuck That Guy” songs I downloaded yesterday, I like theirs the best. I also like their album. It’s pretty good…

Where have they been all my life? Heh heh… well, actually, since this is Mike Campbell’s band, they’ve been around. Mike Campbell is best known as Tom Petty’s right hand man in the Heartbreakers. No wonder I like them!

The above song is pretty good, too… because it’s basically about COVID-19 deniers and fucking inconsiderate dickheads who have no regard for other people. Mike Lindell is definitely on the list of guys who need to go get fucked. And I find listening to this song very satisfying.

This is another one I downloaded. It’s not bad, but it kind of pales with Mike Campbell’s song.

I am so tired of obstructionists. I wish people would just cooperate. I’m tired of greedy, selfish, inconsiderate, and rude people who try to get over and are more interested in money and power than making things better for everybody. Mike Lindell is at the top of the list of people who need to get fucked. I don’t know anything about his pillows. I’ve heard they suck… but even if they were the greatest pillows available, I wouldn’t buy one. Because the man who makes them is someone who needs to fuck off and quit interfering with U.S. politics. He’s like a “dry drunk”… maybe he’s not using substances anymore, but he acts like he still is. Lindell’s symposium event was bizarre and stupid, and it seems to be more about selling products than proving election fraud. I’m confident that Dominion is going to clean Mike Lindell’s proverbial clock in court. And I look forward to watching it.

I don’t usually advertise albums, but this one is a good one. Should you choose to make a purchase through the above Amazon link, I will get a small commission from Amazon. Let’s hear it for drunken downloads, especially when they’re profane.

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stupid people

First Amendment rights are no joke…

Meet Dillon Shane Webb of Lake City, Florida. Mr. Webb evidently likes to “eat ass”. How do I know? He had a sticker on his truck declaring it to the masses. The 23 year old man was recently driving through Columbia County when he was pulled over by a cop, who spotted the sticker on Webb’s rear window. The police officer believed Mr. Webb had violated Florida’s Statute 847.011, which prohibits the possession of obscene or lewd material, including drawings, pictures, or any other written or printed matter.

The deputy asked Mr. Webb how a parent of a small child should explain the concept of “ass eating” to their offspring. Webb said that it would be up to the parents. He also stated that the words were just a bunch of letters. The police officer then cited Webb for obscenity and gave him a paper ordering him to appear in court. He then asked Webb to remove one of the letters so that the sticker would no longer be “obscene”.

Webb refused to remove any letters, citing his First Amendment rights. The cop responded by arresting Webb and charging him with resisting arrest without violence and possession of obscene materials. He was later released on a $2500 bond. Webb was supposed to appear in court to answer the charges on May 23, but the charges were dropped. Why? Because Webb was correct about his sticker being protected under the First Amendment– right to free speech.

Edited to add: I just read in another account of this story that after the deputy bitched out Webb for his “derogatory” sticker, his colleagues can be heard on the dashcam footage saying that they should “tow his shit”. So not only were they ignorant of the law, they were also massive hypocrites!

Now, it looks like Webb will be suing Columbia County’s Sheriff’s Office. Webb’s lawyer tweeted to Anne Shindler of First Coast News, “Now we transition from defense to offense. The First Amendment was our defense. What is Sheriff Hunter’s defense? We will find out!” 

This is not the first story I’ve read or posted about people driving vehicles with “obscene” messages on them. In fact, just a few days ago, we had a lively discussion on my personal Facebook page about a truck covered with “obscene” things said by Donald Trump. If the U.S. President can’t keep his language clean, particularly when he’s talking about women, why should we expect regular guys like Dillon Webb to keep “dirty” stickers off his truck? I think we’re now living in a less genteel world anyway. It would be nice if everyone kept their language out of the gutter, but that’s not going to happen. Moreover, it’s absurd to ban certain bumper stickers simply because a child might see them. Eventually, most children will hear all of that stuff, anyway.

Now… does this mean I think Mr. Webb is a smart guy? No, it doesn’t. I mean, I can definitely empathize with his viewpoint and he’s probably being truthful when he says the police officer was “rude” and just wanting to arrest him. I just don’t think it’s particularly smart to be driving around with a sticker that reads “I eat ass.” It seems like the type of people who put this sort of thing on their vehicles are almost always truck drivers, too. But as an American, he does have the right to free speech. At least for the time being.

Kind of reminds me of this… back in the day when Florida wanted to ban 2 Live Crew.
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complaints, rants

reddit is great for raging…

You’d think that someone like me would enjoy reading reddit, a site that bills itself as “the front page of the internet“.  I’m always looking for topics to write about and I love reading and writing a good rant.  However, aside from the occasional reference to reddit in news stories or forum posts, I don’t really frequent the site very often.

Somehow, I got hooked up to push notifications for reddit’s r/rant page, which is where people who need to vent their spleens go.  More than once in the past week or so, I’ve gotten a notification for a juicy ranting on reddit.  Unfortunately, the notifications always come when I’m in the middle of something else and I’m not fast enough to click the link before it disappears.  This morning, I finally clicked and found myself staring at a page full of glorious profanity.  I do enjoy a little profanity and, in fact, read a couple of my old posts from my Blogspot.  I will candidly admit that even I was a little shocked by my own use of foul language.  On the other hand, I’ve never been one to hide that I swear a lot.

My dad used to tell me that swearing was the mark of someone with a limited vocabulary and intelligence.  I disagree with that notion.  I happen to have a great vocabulary and, although some people may claim I say and do “dumb things”, actually, I don’t.  I don’t know where the idea comes from some people that I’m “dumb”.  Could it be my blondish grey hair?  Could it be because I giggle a lot?  Because I’m the youngest child in my family?  Because I’m a female?  Truly, I’m not a stupid person, and those who dismiss me as “stupid” are usually sorry later.

But anyway, the point is, I do cuss a lot.  And yet, even though I cuss, and sometimes even indulge in the “sin” of name calling, I do cringe a little when I read some of my more impassioned rants, like this one.  However, that particular post was also influenced by something offline which negatively influenced my mood.  I guess, when I’m outraged and indignant, it colors my writing, regardless of what causes the upset.

In any case, even though I swear a lot, I have to admit to being a little turned off by the cursing on reddit/rant.  Maybe it’s because a lot of the swearing came from insolent teenagers in the midst of a psychic meltdown.  Having been through the storms of adolescence myself, I don’t wish to relive them by reading profane rants written in Internetese.  Also, poor grammar and spelling are very irritating to me.  It’s like listening to a choir singing flat, which is also like nails on a chalkboard to my sensitive ears.  I don’t mind cussing if it’s done creatively and humorously, but when every other word is “fuck” or “goddamn”, it becomes boring in a hurry.

On the other hand, sometimes profane rants are hilarious… like this one.  Evidently, this poor soul tried durian fruit for the first time and wasn’t impressed.  One of the commenters described the distinctive (emphasis on stink) odor as “smelling like garlic, hot garbage and really stinky feet all at once.  The smell is so overpowering (and I ate it still partially frozen so it wasn’t at peak odor) that there’s really no separate taste that I could distinguish.  You’re just eating garlicky, hot garbage, foot-fruit.”

That’s quite a vivid description.  I don’t think I’ve ever tried durian fruit myself.  I do remember the Vietnamese bartender at Fort Belvoir once brought some in.  She said it tastes like pudding or custard, but before you can enjoy that, you have to get past the stench.  Most people probably won’t bother with it when they can have chocolate.

No… I think if you’re going to write a “fuck” filled rant, you should limit it to a funny topic like trying durian fruit for the first time.  Don’t write a rant like that about anti-vaxxers, which is a serious issue that puts a lot of innocent people at risk.  I mean, I get that it’s contentious and infuriating, but one or two fucks will be fine.  Your rant loses its impact when every other word is “fuck”.  And people do need to read and heed rants that call anti-vaxxers to task, especially since once almost eradicated diseases like measles and mumps are making a comeback and actually killing people.  Ditto for this rant…

I mean, what’s s/he trying to say, anyway?

I need to spend a few minutes reading some of these reddit rants, though.  They might remind me that, in the grand scheme of things, my problems are pretty small.  At least I’m not Lori Loughlin, right?  Looks like she could be headed to the big house before too long.  You know things are pretty bad when Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms is offering unsolicited prison survival tips.  Of course, they were directed at Felicity Huffman, who is pleading guilty to her part in the “Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal and could also very well be off to jail before too long.  But Huffman is not in as much trouble as Loughlin and her husband apparently are.  Hell, maybe they’ll rant on reddit, too.  Bonus points if they cuss a lot.

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