Ex

MOTY…

Necessary mood music for this piece… to be followed by something a hell of a lot less loving.

It’s time for me to write another protected blog post, since I was made aware that there are people out there who can’t simply let me vent in peace. Today’s post is not about my toxic ex landlady… at least not completely. Today’s post is mostly about Bill’s ex wife. I’ve written candidly about her in the past, but I’ve discovered that some people are incapable of taking things at face value and want to blame some of this on me. Although I would be among the first to agree that there are always at least three sides to every story, I had nothing to do with the fuckery I’m going to write about now. This is entirely on Bill’s ex wife, who is frankly a massive cunt of the first order. And anyone who thinks I need to be “set straight” on this can go straight to Hell.

I need to be able to get this off my chest without fielding shitty comments from the uninformed. I don’t actually care if Ex ever reads this, because I truly think someone ought to tell her what a massive cunt she is. But I’m keeping it password protected for the sake of Bill and his daughter– that’s why I sprang for WordPress, after all. It turns out Ex is even more fucked up than we ever knew.

I’ve written exhaustively about Bill’s ex wife. Until a few years ago, what I wrote was my perspective of our situation. When I met Bill, his daughters were 6 and 8 years old. He adored them, and I could tell he was a very involved father. I think he knew, even back in 2000, when his ex wife chose an Easter visit to Bill’s dad’s house to demand that he admit that he’s a woman hating pervert to his LDS bishop (a complete and total lie, by the way) or get divorced, that he was doomed to be separated from his children. He still tried to stay in touch, though. I was in his apartment once, when we we were dating, and he called his children. I could hear the love in his voice, and I knew his daughters and even his ex stepson loved him back.

Then, Bill told his ex wife that he was going to propose to me. At that point, she turned on the parental alienation syndrome machine. We weren’t totally surprised. She did the same thing to her first ex husband. There were lots of the usual narcissistic ploys. She’d call him and sigh on the phone, wondering where “they” went wrong. She’d send him dramatic emails about how the children weren’t coping well, even though she was shacking up with her third husband in a house that my husband was paying for, but no longer living in, which she later allowed to go into foreclosure.

When I met Bill, he was living on $600 a month, convinced that he was a horrible person. He told me, so many times, that he didn’t wish ill on his ex wife. He paid her exorbitant child support at a rate she had determined herself. He paid alimony. He tolerated her crazy spending habits, which put them into bankruptcy and foreclosure, and ruined Bill’s credit for years. He didn’t blame her for talking him into giving up his fertility, which prevented him from having a family with me. And he allowed her to keep his children from him, mostly because by the time he had the money to take her to court, the damage was already apparently too severe.

For the first years of our marriage, I encouraged Bill to fight for his kids. I reminded him to call them and send them gifts. I pressured him to plan visitation, the prospect of which Ex turned into an impossible nightmare. For years, we put up with people claiming that we were the problem, and we tolerated Ex’s insistence on inserting herself into Bill’s relationships with his other family members, namely his stepmother and dad, and his sister. When Ex tried to force me to spend Christmas with her, back in 2004, I declined to go rather than cause the explosion that I knew would come if I had to spend any time with her. I hated her then, but how I felt about her then is nothing compared to what I feel about her now… which is pretty much that I no longer have any empathy for her whatsoever. I don’t see her as human. She’s a monster.

So… now to get to the point of this post. I know the few who will read it are dying to know. How did my husband’s visit with his daughter go after fifteen years apart?

I just chatted with Bill, who is still in Utah visiting his daughter. They will have today together. One more precious day, before Bill has to get on three planes to get back here on Tuesday night. He’s going to be exhausted… and it will take all of us time to process this. Because no visit with any of Bill’s relatives can happen without extensive debriefing about his fucking ex wife. I have yet to experience a visit with anyone from Bill’s side of the family that doesn’t involve hours of talking about Ex.

This is what I learned…

He met his daughter for breakfast at her home. She’s LDS, so there was no coffee. She apologized for that, but Bill had prepared by having coffee at his hotel. They shared a long hug at the door. Bill met his grandchildren and his son in law. Son in law took care of the kids while Bill and his daughter went out for ice cream, like they used to when they saw each other every day. That’s the best part… and before I get really cranked up here, let me just say that overall, this is the most important part. Bill and his daughter connected, and overall it was a very good day. But then it was time for the revelations of the total cluster fuck that Ex put Bill’s daughters through, simply because she’s a narcissistic cunt who couldn’t deal with being divorced for the second time. And this is even though she initiated the divorce.

Apparently, Ex made younger daughter’s life a living hell from the time Bill left until she turned 18 and was able to go to Brigham Young University on scholarship. Ex let her go out there without any help whatsoever. She reportedly attempted suicide in a bid to keep younger daughter under her thumb. Thankfully, it didn’t work (the control tactics, not the attempted suicide).

Ex meddled in younger daughter’s relationship with her now husband, when they were dating. She did her best to break them up. Doesn’t surprise me, but it’s still a shitty thing to do. Ex has mostly backed away from Mormonism, now that it’s no longer such a useful parental alienation tool.

In 2006, Ex got good and mad at Bill, who refused to stop paying former stepson child support (which Ex had demanded in the divorce decree that SHE made up). Ex stepson wanted to move out of Ex’s house and was able to because Bill was paying him, even though ex stepson was never legally his son and has a father who should have been supporting him. Bill and Ex had a big fight when Bill became more assertive about his rights. Ex’s response was to send Bill boxes of his possessions that were left in their home when he divorced her, along with a typed, itemized list, adoption paperwork, and photocopies of letters supposedly written by his daughters, disowning him. She also sent a favorite children’s book that Bill used to read to the girls. It was about forgiveness. To Bill’s credit, he sent that book back to her before he went to Iraq, with a note letting that swampwitch know that she needed to read it more than he did. The children, by the way, were not permitted to say goodbye to Bill before he went to war.

I was there when he got that toxic dump in the mail. It was a horrible weekend. He actually considered signing the adoption papers, but decided not to… instead, he held on to them. Younger daughter confessed that those letters that had seemingly come from them were entirely dictated by Ex, and the girls had gone along with it because she had browbeaten them for so long, demanding that they be on “her side”. It was the only way to keep the peace.

At the time, we figured they probably were coached, but we had no way of knowing for sure, since the girls had completely quit talking to Bill by that point. We were under the impression that they hated him. And, I have to admit, at that point, I pretty much started hating them back, because my husband spent so many nights crying on my shoulder about how that disgusting CUNT and her daughters were treating him. I knew in my heart that maybe this was all just a facade, but I was so tired of the bullshit and figured someone besides Bill’s mother needed to be squarely on HIS side, for a change.

Ex forced the girls to call their stepfather, her THIRD husband, “Dad” because of something that happened during their one and only visitation with us in Virginia, back in 2003. At one point, we all went up to the hotel room where Ex had crammed everyone in… Her, her husband, ex stepson, Bill’s daughters, and their baby, who was a few months old at the time. Older daughter said to the baby, “Look, there’s dad.” as she pointed to Bill. Ex’s dickhead husband got “offended”. Ex then DEMANDED that Bill’s daughters call the dickhead “DAD” because he was offended, and Ex didn’t want her THIRD marriage to fall apart! Younger daughter does NOT consider her stepfather her dad. She evidently doesn’t think much of him at all. In fact, younger daughter used to sleep with a picture of Bill, but one day the picture disappeared.

At one point, Ex moved her completely psycho adoptive mother into the house. She lived with them for several years. Unbeknownst to them, “Granny” had a LOADED weapon in the house! It was discovered after she died. Ex calmly cleared and unloaded the gun, but it’s still in their home. Meanwhile, younger daughter, feeling unloved, actually considered suicide because she didn’t think anyone but Jesus loved her. She considered hanging herself.

I haven’t felt any compassion for Ex in a long time. I really tried, especially in the beginning, not to hate her. After awhile– after seeing, hearing, and experiencing Ex’s brand of toxicity, which always lingers like a foul stench imbrued in a fabric– I began to despise her. I really don’t see her as human anymore. She’s truly a fucking monster. They don’t come much sicker… and I haven’t even brought up the totally sick shit she did to Bill during their marriage, because I’ve already written about it. It seems like no matter what, anytime her name comes up, the shit gets more and more toxic. Let’s put it this way. If anyone was a hateful pervert in their marriage, it was EX, not Bill. He still bears the physical scars from their time together and proves that women are not the only ones who can suffer from sexual abuse.

And then… to add a cherry to this big steaming pile of bullshit, Ex admitted to the girls that she was happiest when she was with Bill! Can you believe that shit? What a fucking cunt. Way to punish your children for the fact that your marriage didn’t work out– and it was you who orchestrated the split! And thank GOD for that!

I never thought I would say this, but thank God for the Mormons. They gave younger daughter a place to go. She should have been able to rely on her father, but Ex made that impossible. It took stepdaughter until three years ago to finally speak to Bill. So many years have been wasted on this stupid shit!

Sooo… all of this leads to my cryptic comment about the ex landlady. She’s not nearly as psycho or toxic as Ex is, and I don’t mean to imply that she is. Or, at least she hasn’t done things to us as bad as Ex has done. However, she is going to pay, in part, for Ex’s sins… because she’s about to be served. Don’t get me wrong. She totally deserves to be served. But it’s been years of both of us putting up with this kind of narcissistic abuse from Ex, and from ex landlady, and, for once, we’re going to take action. I’m not sure if legal action would have been helpful in Ex’s case, although I really wish now that I’d followed my gut and at least called CPS on her. At the time, I didn’t feel like we had enough information to make the call, and I didn’t feel it was my place, since they are Bill’s kids. I worried that I would look like a bitter second wife. I was wrong, though. I absolutely should have reported her.

In our situation with ex landlady, who probably thinks she’s gotten off scot free for ripping us off of 2500 euros, I think we have a better chance of coming out on top. I mentioned the importance of reporting bad people in my most recent posts. Well, this situation is one that underscores how important that is… Narcissistic and other abusive people thrive on others being intimidated into silence. The only way of stopping them is to blow the fucking whistle, consequences be DAMNED! There was a time when we might have let this go, but now we know that’s often the wrong thing to do.

My days of putting up with this kind of shit from anyone are OVER. I refuse to do it anymore. Both Ex and ex landlady were really wrong to screw with us. At the very least, it’s going to be unpleasant. 2020 is going to be quite a year.

This song is for BOTH of them.
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complaints, rants

reddit is great for raging…

You’d think that someone like me would enjoy reading reddit, a site that bills itself as “the front page of the internet“.  I’m always looking for topics to write about and I love reading and writing a good rant.  However, aside from the occasional reference to reddit in news stories or forum posts, I don’t really frequent the site very often.

Somehow, I got hooked up to push notifications for reddit’s r/rant page, which is where people who need to vent their spleens go.  More than once in the past week or so, I’ve gotten a notification for a juicy ranting on reddit.  Unfortunately, the notifications always come when I’m in the middle of something else and I’m not fast enough to click the link before it disappears.  This morning, I finally clicked and found myself staring at a page full of glorious profanity.  I do enjoy a little profanity and, in fact, read a couple of my old posts from my Blogspot.  I will candidly admit that even I was a little shocked by my own use of foul language.  On the other hand, I’ve never been one to hide that I swear a lot.

My dad used to tell me that swearing was the mark of someone with a limited vocabulary and intelligence.  I disagree with that notion.  I happen to have a great vocabulary and, although some people may claim I say and do “dumb things”, actually, I don’t.  I don’t know where the idea comes from some people that I’m “dumb”.  Could it be my blondish grey hair?  Could it be because I giggle a lot?  Because I’m the youngest child in my family?  Because I’m a female?  Truly, I’m not a stupid person, and those who dismiss me as “stupid” are usually sorry later.

But anyway, the point is, I do cuss a lot.  And yet, even though I cuss, and sometimes even indulge in the “sin” of name calling, I do cringe a little when I read some of my more impassioned rants, like this one.  However, that particular post was also influenced by something offline which negatively influenced my mood.  I guess, when I’m outraged and indignant, it colors my writing, regardless of what causes the upset.

In any case, even though I swear a lot, I have to admit to being a little turned off by the cursing on reddit/rant.  Maybe it’s because a lot of the swearing came from insolent teenagers in the midst of a psychic meltdown.  Having been through the storms of adolescence myself, I don’t wish to relive them by reading profane rants written in Internetese.  Also, poor grammar and spelling are very irritating to me.  It’s like listening to a choir singing flat, which is also like nails on a chalkboard to my sensitive ears.  I don’t mind cussing if it’s done creatively and humorously, but when every other word is “fuck” or “goddamn”, it becomes boring in a hurry.

On the other hand, sometimes profane rants are hilarious… like this one.  Evidently, this poor soul tried durian fruit for the first time and wasn’t impressed.  One of the commenters described the distinctive (emphasis on stink) odor as “smelling like garlic, hot garbage and really stinky feet all at once.  The smell is so overpowering (and I ate it still partially frozen so it wasn’t at peak odor) that there’s really no separate taste that I could distinguish.  You’re just eating garlicky, hot garbage, foot-fruit.”

That’s quite a vivid description.  I don’t think I’ve ever tried durian fruit myself.  I do remember the Vietnamese bartender at Fort Belvoir once brought some in.  She said it tastes like pudding or custard, but before you can enjoy that, you have to get past the stench.  Most people probably won’t bother with it when they can have chocolate.

No… I think if you’re going to write a “fuck” filled rant, you should limit it to a funny topic like trying durian fruit for the first time.  Don’t write a rant like that about anti-vaxxers, which is a serious issue that puts a lot of innocent people at risk.  I mean, I get that it’s contentious and infuriating, but one or two fucks will be fine.  Your rant loses its impact when every other word is “fuck”.  And people do need to read and heed rants that call anti-vaxxers to task, especially since once almost eradicated diseases like measles and mumps are making a comeback and actually killing people.  Ditto for this rant…

I mean, what’s s/he trying to say, anyway?

I need to spend a few minutes reading some of these reddit rants, though.  They might remind me that, in the grand scheme of things, my problems are pretty small.  At least I’m not Lori Loughlin, right?  Looks like she could be headed to the big house before too long.  You know things are pretty bad when Abby Lee Miller from Dance Moms is offering unsolicited prison survival tips.  Of course, they were directed at Felicity Huffman, who is pleading guilty to her part in the “Varsity Blues” college admissions scandal and could also very well be off to jail before too long.  But Huffman is not in as much trouble as Loughlin and her husband apparently are.  Hell, maybe they’ll rant on reddit, too.  Bonus points if they cuss a lot.

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