anniversary, holidays, relationships

Church bells… with a side of Easter Ex…

Happy Easter, everybody. I’m going to make this a short post, because Bill and I have some plans today. We’re going to Frankfurt to see an art exhibition. Afterwards, we’re trying a Frankfurt area Greek restaurant for the first time. It’s already almost 10am, so I’m going to need to get dressed and put on some makeup, soon.

Not the bells at our local church, but similar in sound. Ours are a little higher pitched.

Easter is a special day for Bill and me, not only because of Christ’s resurrection, which is special enough, but also because it was on Easter in the year 2000 that Ex demanded a divorce. I’ve written about that incident plenty of times. Anyone who wants extra details can click here for more of the story. Or, they can click this link.

Suffice to say, Easter 2000 was pretty shitty, as Ex did her dastardly deed while they were visiting my in-laws’ house with their kids. They had been geographically separated, and she had forewarned him that they “needed to have a talk, buddy.” (her words). She made accusations, then demands, and threw in some cold-hearted insults to boot. Bill begged her to reconsider, but she was resolved, and told him he might be a better father and husband to another family.

So, although Bill hated to prove her prior predictions right (she’d always said he’d “leave” her), Bill said he would sign the divorce papers she’d already prepared, courtesy of a “how to” book. She hadn’t expected him to agree to her demands, and was reportedly devastated when he said yes to her divorce proposal. Once he’d agreed to the divorce, she locked herself in my in-laws’ guest room for hours, until it was time to visit the notary public she’d already arranged, but apparently never expected to use.

Bill was also devastated that day, but once he survived it, he began to recover. And now, 23 years later, he’s thriving. He has a good job, no financial problems, an exceptional credit rating, and a much better marriage. He’s recovered his relationship with one daughter, and is getting to know his grandchildren. He’s healthy, and enjoying his life, seeing and doing things that would have been impossible to do if he’d stayed with Ex.

I know a lot of people think I “trash” Bill’s former wife. And I know some people think I’m “trashy” for doing that. Frankly, it doesn’t matter to me what they think. I write about this stuff because it’s outrageous… but I also know that other people are living in similar or worse situations with their toxic spouses or significant others. I write for them, to let them know they aren’t alone.

Yes, I write about our situation to process some of the fuckery. But I also write about it to show that there’s life after divorce, and things can and will get better with some patience and effort. It will take work and perseverance, as well as mindfulness in avoiding finding a similarly toxic partner. But, as the old song goes, “If you want out, it’s up to you.” And you can get out, and move on to something better.

I don’t know how other people feel, but I think it’s better to be alone, than be on a roller coaster of abuse, be it psychological, mental, emotional, sexual, physical, or any combination thereof. I also know that there’s almost always someone else out there… someone who could well be a much better fit.

So, if you’re suffering with relationship abuse this Easter Sunday, I hope you’ll hear the church bells ringing, and they’ll wake up your resolve to improve your situation. You can resurrect your life. You’re worth the effort. Things can and will get better, but… “If you want out, it’s up to you.” Take that first step. You can do it.

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movies, reviews

Repost: A review of the 1980 movie, Resurrection…

Here’s a repost of a movie review I wrote in August 2015. It appears here as/is.

It may seem strange that I would review a 35 year old film.  I’m not even one to watch a lot of movies these days.  I decided to purchase a copy of Resurrection, a film made in 1980 starring Ellen Burstyn, Richard Farnsworth, and Sam Shepard, because I’ve had the soundtrack stuck in my head for what seems like ages.  I used to watch Resurrection when HBO ran it all the time.  Since I was a kid back then, I didn’t get all the nuances of the film as I did yesterday, when I watched it for the first time in probably 30 years.

Someone has helpfully posted the whole movie on YouTube.

Ellen Burstyn plays Edna Mae Macauley, a woman who had just bought her husband a new car.  The two got in the car and went for a joyride along the Pacific coast, when a boy suddenly skateboarded in front of the car.  Edna Mae’s husband swerved to avoid hitting the kid and they went over a cliff.  Somehow, Edna Mae survived, despite the fact that neither of them wore seatbelts.  Her husband died.  I feel I should mention that there’s a pretty cheesy special effect when the car crashes.  The screen goes black and we see shattering glass.  It’s obviously very fabricated and fake, but gets the point across.

Edna Mae has a near death experience, where she sees friends and family who have passed on.  Just as she’s getting comfortable going into the light, she gets sucked back to Earth.

Edna Mae wakes up in a hospital room.  She is badly injured and winds up in a wheelchair.  She moves back to her rural hometown in Kansas (actually Texas, which is where much of this movie was filmed).  Her family takes care of her, though they are a bit reserved and God fearing.  This is a stark contrast to Edna Mae’s warm, free spirited visage. 

One day at a family picnic, one of the kids gets a bloody nose.  Edna Mae takes the child in her arms and calms her down.  The nosebleed miraculously stops.  This is the first sign that Edna Mae now has healing powers.  Eventually, she even heals herself and then starts to heal others.  She has about a 70 percent success rate.  Scientists want to study her.

She meets a man, the son of a Bible thumping zealot.  They start a relationship, but he’s uncomfortable with her “powers”.  Much of the movie is about their relationship, as well as the rocky one Edna Mae has with her father, who thinks of her as a whore.  By the end of the film, we find out why he feels the way he does. 

I think Resurrection is a really good movie and the ending is powerful.  I’m surprised it took so long to become available on DVD, since it’s well-acted by people who have actual talent.  Yes, if you buy this on DVD, you will get a published on demand copy, which carries some risks.  I was pretty happy with the quality of the DVD I got. 

I love watching films from the early 80s because they remind me of a time when life was simpler and we didn’t have so many stupid rules… and people weren’t always butting into other people’s business.  Or, if they were, the whole world didn’t know about it.  Besides that, I just think Resurrection is a gem of a film.  And, while I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the concept of God or an afterlife, I do find the story kind of comforting.

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