book reviews, narcissists, true crime

A review of If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood, by Gregg Olsen…

I frequently binge watch television shows, especially when I’m bored. In Germany, where winter weather generally sucks most of the time, my TV binges are more intense than ever. I don’t remember exactly what I was doing in December 2019, besides getting ready for Christmas. Amazon.com tells me that December 17, 2019 was when I downloaded true crime author Gregg Olsen’s book, If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood. This book was published on December 1 of that same year. I probably downloaded Olsen’s book because I had seen its main subject, Michelle Knotek, covered on the Oxygen Network’s true crime television show, Snapped.

Snapped is a show that focuses on violent crimes committed by women. Most of the episodes involve murder. I have frequently written about the women I’ve seen profiled on Snapped, even though I usually find the cases very unnerving. At the same time, the stories are usually fascinating, which is what draws me in, in spite of the horrific natures of the crimes committed by most of the women who get featured on Snapped. I write “most” because I remember at least one episode had to do with a woman who killed because her husband was abusing her, and it was either his life or hers.

It’s been awhile since I last binged on Snapped. I think I got out of the habit during the height of the pandemic. I guess I “snapped” out of my obsession with the stories about crazy women, especially when the show was especially salacious. Although I downloaded Mr. Olsen’s excellent and well-researched book about Michelle Knotek, I only just got around to reading it, about three years after I bought it. And the reason I decided to finally read it, is because my old friend Mary Beth told me she’d just read it. She commented about Olsen’s book after she read my review of The Perfect Father, a book about Chris Watts, the Colorado father of two who brutally murdered his wife and two children.

I just finished reading If You Tell this morning. To be honest, I kind of rushed through the last chapters, mainly because the story is so horrifying and sad. I also found it unnerving because, like a lot of stories about sadistic, narcissistic, criminal women, I was reminded a lot of my husband’s ex wife’s behaviors. As far as I know, Ex has never murdered anyone. However, I have heard multiple stories about some of the other things she’s done that are much like the women featured on Snapped. It’s uncanny… like they have a play book. They get away with their criminal behavior because no one wants to say anything. Or, when they finally do speak up, the authorities don’t do anything. That’s pretty much what happened in Michelle “Shelly” Knotek’s case, until three people died and the cops finally had to sit up and take notice.

At this writing, Shelly Knotek is now out of prison. She was paroled on November 8, 2022, having done about 18 years of a 22 year sentence for second degree murder and manslaughter. Her three daughters, Nikki, Sami, and Tori– all by different fathers– warn that she could kill again. I read that Shelly’s daughters actually reached out to Gregg Olsen and asked him to write this book… to warn the world of what their mother is capable of doing.

If You Tell

Gregg Olsen is a masterful true crime author. Over the years, I’ve read and reviewed several of his books. I found Olsen’s story about Shelly Knotek equal parts fascinating and nightmare inducing. Again, what makes her story especially chilling to me is that, in many ways, she reminds me a lot of an extreme version of my husband’s ex wife. From the way she used and exploited people, then cruelly discarded them, to the way she seemingly became kind and charming, as a means of luring people into her trap, Shelly Knotek’s patterns of behavior are very familiar. In many ways, she is a more extreme version of Ex. The people who were trapped in her web invariably felt powerless to do anything to stop the horrific crimes that occurred on her watch.

Who is Shelly Knotek?

Born April 15, 1954 in Raymond, Washington, Shelly Knotek had a chaotic childhood. Shelly and her brother, Chuck, were sent to live with their father, Les Watson, and his wife, Lara. Another brother, Paul, was still an infant and stayed with their mother, Sharon. Shelly was a very pretty little girl, but she was clearly troubled. Shelly’s bio mom had a very traumatic upbringing, with a mother who was married and divorced multiple times. Sharon’s own approach to child rearing was equally dysfunctional. Once she’d sent Shelly and Chuck to Les’s house, she seemed to forget about them. And then, Sharon, whom some family members suspected might have been an alcoholic prostitute, was murdered. Youngest brother Paul then also went to live with Les and Lara.

Lara Watson tried to be a mother figure to her stepchildren, but even from a young age, Shelly’s behaviors were problematic. Every single day, Shelly told her stepmother that she hated her. She was overbearing, rebellious, and cruel. While Chuck and Paul had their difficult moments, Shelly’s conduct was by far the most disruptive. In some ways, it seemed like Shelly was destined to be difficult. Not only did she have an extremely dysfunctional mother, her paternal grandmother, Anna, was also quite defiant and awful. It was like she’d gotten a double genetic dosage of cruel genes.

When she was still a teenager, Shelly made up terrible lies about her family. She accused her father of raping her when she was 15 years old. A doctor later examined her and found no evidence that she had been raped. Lara later found a copy of True Confessions magazine in Shelly’s room. In it was an article about a 15 year old who had been raped by her father. Les and Lara had a terrible time finding schools that would deal with Shelly. Invariably, her behavior would be so bad that she’d get expelled.

As she got older, Shelly’s behaviors worsened. In 1971, when she was seventeen, Shelly was devastatingly beautiful, but she was also evil and manipulative. That year, she met the man who would be her first husband and the father of her eldest daughter, Randy Rivardo. Also they had broken up after a brief romance, Shelly called him again. Shelly asked him to come to their hometown and work for her dad, who owned nursing homes. Randy was lured back into Shelly’s trap. They got married and, in February 1975, had a baby girl named Nikki. The marriage was doomed, and after they broke up, Shelly met and married her second husband, Danny Long, father of Shelly’s second daughter, Sami.

Every time Shelly’s marriages failed, she kicked the fathers of her children out of their lives. She replaced her children’s surnames with the next guy, whom they were expected to call Dad. So it was with Danny Long, too, who had been “Dad” to Nikki and Sami. Once that marriage broke up, Danny was gone.

Knotek the keeper…

By 1983, Shelly had moved on to the man who would, four years later, become her third husband, Dave Knotek. At the time they met, Dave couldn’t believe his luck. Shelly was a knockout. And she had a good sob story… an abandoned mom with two little girls who was looking for a man. Dave was quickly hooked. She also lied and told him she had cancer, which seemed to seal the deal.

Unlike the two husbands before him, Dave was determined to stay in his marriage to Shelly. She didn’t make it easy for him. Shelly demanded that he give her all of his paycheck. He worked in construction, far away from home, leaving Shelly to spend his pay on anything she wanted. Shelly didn’t pay the bills and gave her creditors sob stories to keep them at bay. Meanwhile, Dave worked extremely hard to make money to support the family. It all went into the black hole of Shelly’s endless needs.

One of the witnesses at their wedding, Kathy Loreno, was a friend of Shelly’s and had been her hairdresser. Kathy fell on hard times, and in 1988, when Shelly was pregnant with her third daughter, Tori, Shelly convinced her friend to move in with her.

Kathy moves in…

Up until Kathy became Shelly’s boarder, only her children, her husband, Dave, and her nephew, Shane, who moved into the home in 1988, knew what life with Shelly was really like. Shelly had a habit of horrifically abusing people over whom she had power. She made her daughter, Nikki, and nephew, Shane, stay outside naked. She would spray them with the garden hose and force them to “wallow” in the dirt, like pigs. She would make them wear dirty clothes, refuse to allow them access to the bathroom, and beat them. They never said anything to anyone, because they knew what would happen if they told on their mother. Dave would do whatever Shelly demanded, even if it meant abusing the children. Whenever they tried to run away, Shelly would find them and force them to come home.

When Kathy moved in, Shelly’s focus turned to her. At first, she was warm and welcoming, but gradually, the abuse commenced and ratcheted up, until Kathy was a mere shell of the woman she’d once been. She lost everything… even the clothes on her back, her self-worth, and even her teeth. Shelly forced Kathy to stay in extremely uncomfortable accommodations. She made her do chores, while denying her proper food and shelter. Kathy worked naked, doing everything from cleaning the house to feeding the animals. Whenever they rode in the car, Kathy’s place was in the trunk. Every time she tried to escape, Shelly the predator would hunt her down and bring her back to her lair. She hurled all manner of abuse to the woman, calling her names, hitting her, and starving her.

Kathy’s health declined more and more until finally, one day in 1994, she died. Instead of calling the authorities, Shelly had Dave burn Kathy’s body in their backyard. Kathy’s family didn’t find out until much later what had happened to her.

Shane gets shot…

Shane couldn’t stand his Aunt Shelly, even though he was often coerced into abusing Kathy at his aunt’s bidding. Shelly was very paranoid, and determined that she couldn’t trust Shane to keep her secrets. She found out that Shane had photos documenting the abuse Shelly leveled at Kathy Loreno. In 1994, she directed Dave to shoot the 19 year old young man with a .22 caliber rifle, which he did. Then, Dave burned Shane’s body and scattered his and Kathy’s ashes at a nearby beach.

Another boarder…

While Dave sniffed ammonia ampules to stay awake at work, Shelly decided she needed a new slave. She sweet talked a gay man named Ron Woodworth to move into her house and help her. Gradually, Ron became the same type of servant his predecessor, Kathy, had been. Shelly called him vile names, took away his clothes, and made him call her “Shelly Dear”. She drove a wedge between Ron and his family, with whom he’d once been very close. Eventually, he met the same tragic fate Kathy did. At the time of Ron’s death, there was an ordinance against open fires in their hometown, so he couldn’t get the homemade cremation treatment that Kathy and Shane received. Ron’s body was, instead, disposed of in a shallow grave.

A devastating story…

Shelly Knotek’s story is both fascinating and horrific. It’s absolutely crazy to me that she was paroled. At this writing, Shelly is 68 years old, and though she’s said to be in poor health, I have no doubt that she is a dangerous woman. Gregg Olsen does a great job making this convoluted tale easy to follow, with short, vivid chapters that kept my attention and made it easy to take breaks. I was glad for the breaks, because there’s only so much of this horror one can take in a single sitting.

I kept wondering to myself how the people in that household could stand watching Shelly’s cruelty. But, logically, I understand that when you’re a child, you’re at your most vulnerable. Shelly’s behavior was probably pretty normal to her children, at least at first. It wasn’t until she started doing things like locking them in closets for weeks, forcing them to go to school wearing the same, filthy clothes for days on end, and not allowing them to use the bathroom at will, that they started to realize how different they were. I just wish someone in the kids’ schools had noticed and said something to the authorities about the obvious child abuse. Shelly abused her children physically. They had to learn how to hide the scars and bruises and act like everything was normal.

I also wondered how it was advantageous to Shelly that her “boarders” and sometimes her children were kept naked and weren’t allowed to bathe. I would think the smell would be terrible. But that’s probably why she forced them to sleep outside or in pump houses. She would occasionally “bathe” them by hosing them down or dumping bleach on them.

Some people who have reviewed this book on Amazon have said that, at first, they weren’t aware that they were reading a true story. They thought this book was “far fetched”. Sadly, this really is a true story of a morally bankrupt and depraved woman who got off on hurting people in all ways. And sadly, people like Shelly lurk all over the place. Maybe they aren’t as extreme as she is, but they have some elements of that vindictive, abusive, sadistic personality. And if you’ve ever been in the midst of one of those people, reading a book like If You Tell becomes even more triggering.

I would recommend If You Tell to those who are intrigued by true crime and can stomach descriptions of truly awesome abuse toward others. I would not recommend it to those who are overly troubled by stories of graphic abuse toward other human beings (evidently, Shelly treated her animals with more consideration). This is the kind of book that can give certain people nightmares. Shelly Knotek’s story is one of the most disturbing I’ve ever read. She is someone who deserves to rot in the lowest depths of Hell for what she did. She should certainly NOT be out of prison.

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book reviews, true crime

A review of Through the Glass, by Shannon Moroney… a woman’s life temporarily shattered by her ex husband’s violent crimes

When it comes to reading books, sometimes my eyes are bigger than my will to use them for reading. There was a time when I could read several books in a month. But now, as I get older, and my eyesight gets worse, it’s a struggle to finish a book in a matter of weeks. I keep trying, though, and I keep buying virtual books from Amazon, which may sit in my queue for years before I ever get around to reading them. Such is the case regarding Canadian author Shannon Moroney’s 2011 book, Through the Glass, which Amazon tells me I bought in 2018.

I don’t remember why I bought Through the Glass. It might have been a suggestive sell when I bought something else. I might have read a salacious Daily Mail article that prompted me to download it. Who knows, at this point? I’m actually glad I read it just recently, though, because I think this case out of Canada is timely, given that this week, convicted sex offender, Josh Duggar, will finally be sentenced to prison for his crimes against children.

Like many people, I look forward to seeing Duggar get his due. However, even though think his wife, Anna, was somewhat complicit in Josh Duggar’s crimes, I also have some empathy for her situation. She’s a woman in a fundamentalist Christian cult, raised to submit to her husband in all matters. With seven young children, and not much to fall back on, she seems pretty stuck. There’s also no doubt in my mind that Anna has been repeatedly victimized by Josh. As I read Shannon Moroney’s story, I couldn’t help but think of Anna, although Anna is undoubtedly in a worse situation than Shannon Moroney was. Shannon at least had a career to fall back on, and no children to support.

Who is Shannon Moroney, and why has she written a book?

In October 2005, 30 year old teacher and school guidance counselor, Shannon Moroney, married Jason Staples, the man she once thought was the love of her life. The two had met at a Kingston, Ontario soup kitchen three years earlier, where Shannon had brought some of her students to work. Jason was the head chef at the soup kitchen, and everybody loved him. He was always friendly and kind, and he had an amazing talent for art. Shannon was taken with him soon after meeting him; he seemed like the perfect guy. But there was just one thing that gave her pause. Jason Staples was a convicted murderer who was out on parole, having spent ten years in prison.

In 1988, just a few months after his 18th birthday, Jason Staples and his roommate, a 38 year old woman, had a brutal argument. The argument ended with the woman’s violent murder at Jason’s hands. Jason’s first victim was someone Jason’s very mentally ill mother and her abusive boyfriend had found, just before they moved away without him. The living situation obviously wasn’t good, though he tried to leave it before he finally snapped in what was originally deemed “adolescent rage”.

Jason later pleaded guilty to second degree murder and was given a sentence of Life-10. That meant he would spend ten years in prison, then be released on parole, which he would be on for the rest of his life, provided he did not reoffend. Jason had been a model prisoner, and the authorities believed his youth and good behavior made him a good risk for rehabilitation.

By the time Shannon met Jason, he’d already been out of prison for five years, and was doing well in the community. Jason had convinced many people that his dark impulses were in the past, and he was worthy of the second chance he was given. He even had plans to go back to school and earn a degree in art, hoping to make the most of the rest of his life. Shannon had checked out everything Jason told her about his past, and spoke to his parole officer and psychologist. She also examined his official records. Everything seemed to check out fine.

Just one month after their wedding, Shannon was writing thank you notes for wedding gifts and wondering if she was pregnant. She was staying in a Toronto area hotel for a work related trip. There was a knock at the door. When she opened it, her life changed forever. She had expected the knock to be from a colleague wanting to have breakfast. But it was a police officer, who handed her his card and said:

“I’m here about your husband,” the officer said. “Are you Jason Staples’s wife?”

Shannon nodded affirmatively, that she was Jason’s wife… of just one month. The officer told Shannon that Jason was arrested the night before, charged with sexual assault. The cop did not know many of the details of the crime, since he was a Toronto based officer, and Jason and Shannon lived in Peterborough, which was also where Jason committed his crimes. But the officer did know that Jason had called 911 himself, turned himself in, and gave a full confession to raping two women and confining them in the home he shared with Shannon. She was in total shock as she gathered her things and left the hotel room to go home, where she would face the horrifying truth. The beautiful life she had planned, to include having children, advancing in her career, and loving a man who had seemed to overcome his horrific past, had all evaporated.

Jason had kidnapped and raped two women who had come into the health food store where he worked part time. The first victim, a 46 year old woman, came into the store and Jason suddenly accosted her, held her at knife point, and sexually assaulted her. He confined her in the store’s basement. Then, a few minutes later, the second victim, who was much younger, entered the store. Jason held her at knife point, but she fought back, Jason then choked her into unconsciousness, and took her to the basement, where he sexually assaulted her. He bound both women with duct tape, then rented a van, and brought the two women to the home he shared with Shannon.

The two women bravely tried to rehumanize Jason, attempting to talk him down from his terrifying rage. Jason would switch back and forth, from monster to human. By 9:00 that evening, Jason had decided to kill himself. He procured some rope and a ladder. The women continued talking to him, trying to bring him back to his senses. Finally, at about 10:00, Jason spoke to Shannon on the phone. She was unaware that there were two bound women in her home, both of whom had been brutally raped by her husband. After the phone call, Jason went to a pay phone and called 911. He told the police who he was and what he’d done, then asked them to go to his house and help the women. Then he continued trying to formulate a suicide plan as he waited for the police to arrive. After 25 minutes, the police still hadn’t come; apparently, they thought his first call was a prank! So Jason called again. After the second call, the cops finally came. Jason ended his confession at the jailhouse, begging “Just put me away.”

As the investigation continued, Shannon learned that not only had Jason kidnapped and raped two women, but he had also installed cameras in their home, and recorded Shannon during private moments in the bathroom. So, Shannon was also one of Jason’s victims. However, because Shannon was Jason’s wife, many people assumed she was somehow complicit in his crimes. When Shannon asked if there was anything she could do to help the women who were raped, she was told that they “didn’t need to hear from Jason’s arena.” Shannon was left to pick up the pieces after Jason’s crimes, and she quickly found out that there was no support for people in her position.

Soon, it became clear to Shannon Moroney that even though she’d had nothing to do with Jason’s criminal behavior, and was in fact a victim herself, many people were going to judge her. She would not be entitled to any assistance from victim’s advocacy groups. Though she didn’t outright lose her job at her school, she was told that she would be transferred to a different school. Her principal went as far as to ban her from even setting foot in the school, claiming that her presence there would traumatize other people.

Jason was held in protective custody, for his own safety. He had lawyers to protect his rights. No one seemed to understand that Shannon needed help and protection, too. Everyone seemed to expect her to quickly divorce Jason and move on, even though Shannon still saw the human part of him and loved him. She suffered on all levels, from professionally to medically, and few people seemed to have any empathy for her situation. She was caught in the crossfire, being associated with someone who had committed horrific crimes. And very few people seemed to understand that she was as much of a victim as the two women who were sexually assaulted by her husband. Jason never gave any indication that he needed help. She’d thought he was okay, as had everyone involved with granting him parole.

As she spoke to Jason, through the glass partition at the jail, she learned about the tragedies in his life that had led him to where he was. Jason was adopted at three months old, and raised by a woman who sexually abused him. His adoptive father died when he was very young, and his mother took up with a man who abused her, and Jason. On the night of his crimes, Jason had also overdosed on some over-the-counter substances– caffeine pills and ephedra.

Shannon Moroney is interviewed about Jason’s crimes. She appears in many YouTube videos.

Picking up the pieces…

Slowly, Shannon Moroney put her life back together. She didn’t immediately divorce Jason, although many people seemed to think she should just quickly dump him and disassociate from him. She visited him in jail, and later, prison. At the same time, she tried to figure out how to move on from the legal fiasco that enveloped her. The process of rebuilding led her to change careers, and she earned a master’s degree at East Anglia University, in Norwich, England. Jason’s crimes and the aftermath of them made her want to do victim’s advocacy, and she eventually left teaching and counseling, and became an author and public speaker. After divorcing Jason, Shannon found love again and remarried. She now appears to be thriving, but as this book illustrates, it was a tough road to get where she is today.

My thoughts

Through the Glass is a fascinating book on many levels. As an American living in Germany, I’m always interested in seeing how other countries operate. Canada has a very different legal and penal system than the United States does, so that aspect of the story alone, was fascinating for me. Canada also has a very different healthcare system than the United States does. Shannon seemed to have a lot of support from her family doctor, a woman called Sue, who would actually come to Shannon’s home to see her and went to the jail to see Jason. I can’t imagine something like that happening in the United States.

The Canadian system seems a lot more humane than the US system does, although there were plenty of inhumane aspects of Shannon’s story. While she describes a lot of insensitivity toward her situation from friends and colleagues, overall, I think the Canadian people were more understanding toward her than Americans would be. It seems to me that Americans are very quick to judge, and judge harshly, and declare people guilty by association. By Shannon’s descriptions, at least her countrymen tried to understand her ordeal on some level. They would try to put on a pretense of kindness, even if they weren’t very helpful to her, as she navigated the horrific mess left to her in the wake of Jason’s crimes.

At one point, while he was being assessed, Jason was sent to a psychiatric facility, and Shannon describes visiting him there. It was a lot more welcoming than the prison was, and Jason was treated as a patient, rather than an inmate. I found myself agreeing with Shannon’s comments about how warehousing people in prisons isn’t very helpful to society, even though Jason obviously is a danger to others and probably should be kept away from society. Still, she seems to believe that prisoners should be treated with humanity. On that point, I totally agree with her, especially since most incarcerated people will eventually get out of prison. It serves society to see to it that they have the best chance at success when they are released.

On the other hand, I’m sure I’m among a lot of readers who have trouble reconciling how long she stayed married to Jason, especially when it was clear that he would not be leaving prison for a very long time, if ever. I can understand having basic empathy for other human beings, but Jason’s crimes were truly horrific and disgusting. One woman died, and two others were left with terrible memories of being brutalized by a madman. Sometimes, Shannon seemed overly empathic toward Jason, trying to paint him as a really good man who was just misunderstood. I was glad to read when she finally divorced him, even though he has some redeeming qualities. When it comes down to it, though, Jason can’t be rehabilitated enough to be in public again.

It occurs to me that Shannon Moroney has something in common with Elizabeth Smart, in that she’s turned a horrific tragedy in her life into a way to help others. That’s admirable.

Overall

I think most people would find Shannon Moroney’s story interesting. However, some readers might be disgusted by what seems like a lack of empathy for the victims, since she does show empathy for Jason. Personally, I believe Shannon when she claims that she does have empathy for Jason’s victims. I also appreciated that she was honest about her conflicted feelings for her ex husband, Jason Staples. I think it was good that she stated her true feelings, rather than just expressing what people wanted to hear from her. But, knowing what I know about the public at large, and the black and white thinking that a lot of people have, I know some readers won’t see it the way I do. We often expect people to feel the way we think they should feel, when life isn’t always that simple.

Anyway, I’m glad I finally got around to reading this book, that has been waiting for be read for years. As we await Josh Duggar’s upcoming prison sentence, I will try to have some empathy for his wife, Anna, and the mess she’s in right now. It’s easy for us to see that Anna should leave Josh, but we don’t see life from her perspective. It’s not always so simple. Shannon Moroney’s story really drives home that truism, at least for me.

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