You might say today’s post is a continuation of the one I wrote on Monday. I probably shouldn’t write this, because no one seems interested in the post that is parenting it. But I’m not known for having the ability to let things go. 😉
As I was sitting here pondering what I wanted to blog about today, now that my Armenia series is finished, I considered a few topics. There’s the controversy over Dolly Parton’s impressive Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader outfit for her halftime show on Thanksgiving Day. I have seen the performance, and I think Dolly rocked it. She looked pretty awesome in that costume, and she showed a lot of moxie for wearing it. I mean, she’s 77 years old! I know a lot of 17 year olds who would not be able to wear that outfit without looking completely ridiculous. Dolly can still pull it off. I say, let her wear it, and STFU… but that’s just me. I am with Dolly’s younger sister, Stella, on the haters out there. Shame on them!
Then I found myself listening to the utterly puke worthy 80s song, “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Charlene. I’ve been making an 80s nostalgia playlist, and even though that song makes me kind of nauseous, I decided to download it, anyway. It was on a compilation album that had a bunch of other songs on it that were either much better, or were also guilty pleasure hits from that era. I may have to write an in depth post on Charlene’s song about how it’s better to be a married woman with a child than someone who’s been all over the world and made love to kings. I mean, I guess I get the point that being attached to someone and having a family can be wonderful. But so can travel and independence and experiencing new and interesting things. Not everyone wants to change diapers and stay in the same place where they went to high school.
Then, after I finished some of the mundane Wednesday chores I do, because I’m a housewife, I ventured to RfM (Recovery from Mormonism). There, I saw the contentious thread I referenced in my earlier post had been updated. It was already a long thread, so after two new responses, it was closed. The transgender poster who had called out “overly helpful diva”, had responded to another poster who had taken great pains to be sensitive and helpful. The other poster had written that she didn’t want to “psychoanalyze” the transgender person. And the transgender person responded:
I don’t need a psychoanalysis, I just need you and [others] to listen.
About eight months back anybody started a thread about a fundie school refusing to play another school and it turned into a cesspool of bunk science and cissexism, the belief that trans people are worth less than cis people. I got sick of hearing posters who dealt with Mormonism and its abusive hierarchy demeaning trans people in a similar way so I called them out for it.
That’s when I found out this board tolerates transphobia more than calling transphobia out. Read it for yourself if you have the stomach for it.
I don’t need to debate people who consider my loved ones “less equal.” And over something as childish as throwing a ball or running.
Again… this isn’t an issue I know anything about, and it’s not something for which I have particularly strong feelings. However, I do think I can muster some empathy for this person, because they have experienced discrimination and adversity. They are trying to share their perspective. I understand that it probably is very frustrating, because for so long, no one cared at all about those who are transgender. They were basically just labeled as freaks and perverts.
Now, in 2023, some people are starting to listen to them and realize that they have needs that need to be expressed and addressed. At the same time, I also think it’s unrealistic to expect people to change their opinions and perspectives on a dime. That kind of change is going to take time. I’ll probably never see it in my lifetime. It might happen after I’m dead, provided the Earth doesn’t self-destruct. The main thing is, I think people should try to have some empathy and an attitude of helpfulness and kindness. At least at first.
Once again, overly helpful diva chimed in, even though she wasn’t specifically called out or addressed in the above comment. Her response was this:
You feel lots of rage. That means you’re right.
Once again, she contributed a dismissive, discounting, sniping, and just plain rude and unempathic comment. Why did overly helpful diva need to add that snarky barb? Hadn’t she already posted enough? I think she’s repeatedly made herself quite clear. But she obviously didn’t think she had posted enough, because she had to have the last word… and sadly, the thread closed with her parting shot. For once, I’d like to see someone else have the last word in their online interactions with her.
You see, it’s not that I don’t think overly helpful diva sometimes makes good points. She is good at arguing, and as it was pointed out in that thread, she is a “talented researcher”. But she seemingly lacks the ability to soften her approach and realize that sometimes, the other person has a point, too. She behaves like someone who can never be wrong. And while she has no problem calling me and other people out when she thinks we’re out of line, she is not one to accept the same treatment from other people. When she gets called out, she becomes condescending and patronizing. If that doesn’t work, she’s sarcastic and rude. She’s a hypocrite.
I’m not even trying to say the transgender person wasn’t also rude. But that person has a personal stake in this argument that is beyond just being a woman who has fought for fairness and equality in sports. Add in the fact that the transgender person also grew up in Mormonism, and you have someone with a lot of raw feelings. And, it just seems to me, that if you’re constantly going to be taking a superior attitude toward people, maybe you might have some compassion for what that person has been through and continues to endure. That, to me, would be more impressive than resorting to sarcasm and rudeness.
Or, if it’s not possible to be compassionate, perhaps just shutting up would be preferable. Simply let that person have their say without chiming in with unnecessary insults. I mean, someone who really is superior would do that, right? It was the advice overly helpful diva gave me when I addressed the MEAN person who insulted Arran when he died. She unhelpfully advised me not to respond to the “troll”, even though I did so in a basically even-handed way. Perhaps she should heed her own advice and restrain herself from “adding fuel to the fire”, as she put it, and offering advice nobody wants or needs.
I feel sorry for the moderators on RfM. They have a tough job. Between people who are hurting deeply due to religious abuse and family dysfunction, arrogant people who can’t follow their own advice, and people like me, who write about these incidents, it can’t be easy to run that board. But one thing I would tell the moderators, if they cared about my opinion, is that people who act like the “overly helpful diva” are not conducive to encouraging communication. She may not outwardly tell people to shut up, but her overbearing insistence that she’s always right is a barrier to conversation. I find her very off putting, and knowing that she might chime in on something I post makes me hesitate to post anything there anymore. Sometimes, it actually feels unsafe.
In fairness to “overly helpful diva”, there are other rude and abrasive people who post there, too. I just don’t seem to clash as much with them. I, for one, have developed a distaste for a certain male atheist who posts on RfM. I think Alexis knows of whom I write. He bothers me less than the overly helpful diva, though. I just skip over his posts. It’s too bad. There are a lot of interesting, intelligent, and very kind people who hang out on RfM. When it’s good, it’s really good. But when it’s bad, it can be downright terrible. I’ll always be grateful to RfM for introducing me to some good books and music, too. I’ve found a lot of the people there have great taste in things to listen to and read.
Anyway, I just wanted to get all of that off my chest. I’m not saying the “overly helpful diva” is 100 percent wrong in her opinions about this particular issue. I’m saying that her delivery sucks, and she turns people off by being an all knowing, condescending, sarcastic jerk. And the older I get, the less time I have for her, and her ilk. 😀
Maybe that’s a sign that I’ve “recovered”.