funny stories, Germany, humor

R.B.F.

Yesterday, the weather was predictably nasty. Bill decided to take the dogs for a quick walk before the rain started in earnest. As he was walking along the main drag, Arran decided to drop a load. Bill was stooped over picking up the mess when a “scraggly” looking guy passed. Just as Bill finished cleaning up the poop, Arran took a couple of steps and cocked his leg on a cement pillar that formed part of an archway.

The scraggly guy turned and said, in German, that letting the dogs pee on structures isn’t a good thing to do. Bill said, “Ja, ja.” and went on about his day. Then he came back home and stewed about the encounter for awhile. Bill is unusually conscientious and takes public rebukes to heart. I could tell he was upset about that confrontation. I can’t blame him for that. I hate it when random people speak to me, particularly when they really need to fuck off and mind their own business.

For some reason, it seems like Bill runs into people like this more than I do. So I told him I thought he should develop R.B.F.

You know what that is, right?

I posted about it on Facebook, and my friend Meryl wrote, “Huh?”

Resting Bitch Face. I think Bill should develop one.

One of my other longtime friends who, I guess, is often shocked by the things I say and write, commented that she was grateful that someone asked what R.B.F. is so she wouldn’t have to. I thought it was self-explanatory. I have a pretty good R.B.F. myself. I think a lot of women develop one so they won’t be harassed by men. Seriously, if you look unpleasant and unapproachable, most people will leave you alone. It’s a great defense mechanism. Today’s featured photo is an example of one of my MANY R.B.F.s. Actually, in that photo, I was pretty pissed off.

As Bill was telling this story, I was cracking up. I told him he should have pulled out his Schwanz and taken a piss, too. It’s not like we haven’t seen dozens of European men peeing in public, although they don’t typically do it on busy thoroughfares. But the weather is so chilly that it would have meant instant shrinkage. We’re talking a stack of dimes shrinkage. Bill isn’t that bold, anyway.

I usually try not to let Arran pee on buildings, though, mainly because I don’t enjoy being confronted by random people about my dog’s natural toileting habits. Arran peed on that pillar because many other dogs have peed there. That’s like the community bulletin board for dogs. They go by and leave their urinary calling cards for all of the other dogs in the neighborhood. It’s Arran’s way of saying “Arran wuz here.”

The one time anyone German (other than ex landlady) ever spoke to me about my dogs’ potty habits was pretty positive. I was walking Zane and Arran through the field near us and one of the dogs pooped near a wood pile. I was cleaning up the pile when a guy drove up in his truck. He had a look on his face that told me I was about to be confronted. I immediately got nervous, because I figured the guy was going to yell at me. Then I realized that the look on his face wasn’t one of annoyance. In fact, he looked amazed and appreciative.

The man explained in German that people were regularly letting their dogs go potty by his wood pile, but they usually just leave their dogs’ piles of crap there. So he was delighted to catch me cleaning up after my dogs and was offering thanks. That was a memorable experience and every time I pass that woodpile, I remember it with a smile.

Hearing Bill relate that story also reminded me of a funny memory from several years ago, when we visited Rome. We were wandering around the city and happened to pass a church, where a homeless looking guy was sitting on the steps, drinking a beer. Another man was passing and shamed the homeless looking dude for drinking on the church steps. The street person did not seem affected by the shaming.  He casually raised his bottle as if to offer a sip to the guy who had just yelled at him. It was pretty funny.

As I sit here writing this, I’m reminded of how much I miss traveling and interacting with people. We have had so many funny things happen to us, especially in Europe. Like, for instance, the time we were in a Seville restaurant drinking wine. A bum came in begging for spare change. This guy was pretty ballsy and had a sense of humor. He was very persistent about begging for change, and I was a bit drunk. The bum and I ended up engaging in a really funny exchange, so at my prompting, Bill gave the guy a euro or two. Then I told him to beat it.

Actually, I rarely wear a mask, because I rarely leave my neighborhood.

I really hope this COVID-19 crisis eases up soon so we can have some fun again. It’s pretty sad when a random encounter with a German guy over dog whiz results in a blog post. I miss creating memories. Hell, it’s almost time for President’s Day, which is typically a long weekend we use for traveling to other places. Last year, we went to France. It’s also Fasching season, which usually means there will be festivals involving costumes, drinking, and partying in the streets. In 2019, we even got mooned while eating in a restaurant! But not this year. 🙁

We can’t go anywhere or celebrate Carnival, because everything is locked down. I guess the one consolation is that the weather is positively shitty right now and will be so for probably another week to ten days, at the very least. So another precious long weekend gets lost to the stupid virus. At least we have Noyzi here to provide some fun. And at least we live in a comfortable home, in a neighborhood where people are generally nice and leave us alone. I don’t have to employ my R.B.F. very often in these parts. I guess I have to take my victories wherever I can find them.

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Back from Scotland!

I’m going to be pretty busy writing up our latest trip, but I wanted to stop in and leave a post for the faithful who have been dropping by every day looking for new stuff. On one hand, I’ve really been itching to do some writing. I usually write every day. It’s as much of a habit for me as my morning dumps are. Sorry to be crass, but if you think about it, it’s kind of the same thing. My blog is where my brain takes a dump.

On the other hand, it’s also been nice to relax… take a break from venting my spleen. The last year or so has been pretty stressful. Some of my personal stress has come from my writing. There are some people out there who apparently can’t stand that I express my opinions, and they lack both the discipline to voluntarily stay off of my space, and basic respect for my privacy. So it’s been good to sort of “starve” those folks who are just here to harass me and mine for information, even as I do know there are a few people who genuinely enjoy what I do and look forward to reading fresh content.

Scotland was great for clearing my head. We met some wonderful people, saw beautiful scenery, and restored our faith in humanity somewhat. It was probably one of our best vacations yet, which is good, because it was also one of our most expensive. Over the next few days, I will be writing about our eleven days away in one of my favorite places. Our trip was about 98% amazing, which means that my content will probably be uncharacteristically positive. That’s a switch!

I look forward to having Zane and Arran home tonight. I’ve missed my dogs a lot, especially after reading the tragic stories about people who have suddenly lost their pets to blue-green algae poisoning. That’s not a risk for us here in Germany, but my heart does go out to those loving dog owners who have suddenly lost their best friends. Makes me want to hug my boys!

Anyone who wants to follow along can check out the travel blog. When I’ve finished the first post, I’ll link it in this one, since I moved the travel blog last month. Or, you can just check the Facebook page, which for now, is still open for business. Well, I have a lot to do, so I’m going to get to work. Maybe later, if something comes up that begs for a venting, I’ll be back…

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Seen and heard in Edinburgh…

  1. Cabbie flips off the cabbie behind him while grinning like a Cheshire cat.
  2. Random guy says “fucking” while having a random conversation.
  3. Lady asks me if I want to see a free musical comedy about mental health and rehabilitation. I answer that that’s basically my life, so I don’t need to see it set to music.
  4. A woman wears a Miss Piggy sweatshirt on the plane.
  5. Many, many profane posters for shows and concerts.
  6. They’ve made musicals for both Donald Trump and Boris Johnson.
  7. Air conditioning in our $600 a night room is broken. We have two fans. Fortunately, the temperature is very pleasant. If we could open the window, it would be fine.
  8. Matylda Konecka art…. several new pieces for our house! Been waiting 7 years to get more.
  9. Scottish people are definitely my folks…
  10. Even if I’m technically more English than Scottish… maybe.
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