Today is turning out to be a slightly better day than yesterday was. For one thing, I think I’m FINALLY done moving most of my music collection. So far today, I’ve spent a little under four hours on this project. BUT– it does appear that I might be about done with the job, at long last. I may run across a few greyed out songs or whatever, but there are a lot fewer now than there were even 24 hours ago.
For another thing, younger daughter sent the most adorable video this morning. Back in late March, Bill and I visited Hohenzollern for the second time in our lives. Hohenzollern, for those who don’t know, is a beautiful castle in the hamlet of Hechingen, near Stuttgart, Germany. After our visit, I told Bill I thought we should see if they had any cute souvenirs for his grandkids. We picked up a few items, but it took several weeks before Bill finally managed to mail the box. It arrived yesterday, so younger daughter videoed the kids opening the box and reacting to the gifts.
We bought a little stuffed hedgehog for the youngest, who just turned one. Hedgehogs in the wild aren’t really a thing in the USA, but we have them in Europe. In fact, there’s one who lives in our backyard and appears every August.
For the granddaughter, we bought a purple and white princess dress. It has a metal ring hoop, so it’s poofed out. Younger daughter says her daughter is very girly and has lots of costume dresses, but she probably didn’t have one that came from an actual castle (actually, it came from Canada, according to the label). Anyway, she put it on and loved it. It looks like she has some growing room, too, so that’s a good thing!
And finally, for the oldest, we got a wooden sword and shield. The shield says “Hohenzollern Berg” on it. When he saw it in the box, he grabbed it, closed his eyes, and hugged it to his chest with a big smile and an exclamation that he’d been wanting a sword. His reaction was just so adorable! Younger daughter said that he’d been wanting a sword, but we didn’t know that when we were at the castle. It was a lucky guess. Pseudogranny strikes again! 😉
We also sent Haribo candies– gummies and whatnot. That made younger daughter excited! There was also a 3-D postcard in there, but hopefully it didn’t get tossed out. I don’t think she noticed it, because it was in the bag with the hedgehog. Bill had quite an ordeal trying to send the box. The postal system has gotten a lot stricter about the labels on packages going through the APO system. Probably the best part of the gift was the bubble wrap Bill used.
So… that video put me in a good mood. I like to see the grandkids happy!
Then I read about Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, aka Ron DeSadist… Well, technically, what I read wasn’t about ol’ Ron. He hasn’t officially taken “credit” for the second plane full of migrants that landed in California yesterday. The planes were reportedly affiliated with a Florida based company called Vertol Systems Company Inc. The contractor that carried the migrants was participating in the migrant transportation system administered by Florida’s Division of Emergency Management.
Now, it would be sketchy enough if the migrants had come from Florida, but they were actually picked up in Texas and brought to New Mexico, where they were put on planes to California’s state capital, Sacramento, and dumped at a church. Again, DeSantis hasn’t commented on this situation, but his hands are all over it.
Ron DeSantis has pulled this shit before. Last year, he was behind sending a group of migrants to Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts from Texas. Some governors think this is an appropriate way to protest what they see as Joe Biden’s lack of action in stopping illegal immigration. When I read or hear about these political stunts, it just makes me sick. I would NEVER vote for a politician that thinks this is okay, even though those people who were sent to California are probably going to be better off in the long run. The more I hear about this shit, the more I think most Republicans are not only brain dead, but they lack heart, too. They certainly aren’t behaving like Christians.
Does DeSantis not realize that these are human beings he’s using as political pawns? These are people who are looking for a better life. Very few Americans can claim that they originated in the United States. Most of us are descended from immigrants. I think it’s reprehensible that DeSantis and his like minded political pals find it acceptable to round up people and send them to places where local officials aren’t prepared to receive them.
Personally, I think Ron DeSantis and his like minded pals should be arrested and prosecuted for human trafficking. He certainly has no business being president, either. I am SO SICK of the political shit show instigated by Trump, his MAGA moron posse, and all of the wannabes, like DeSantis. I hate the idea of any of them leading the United States. I would like to see some REAL CONSEQUENCES handed down to these idiots who use human beings in this way, just to rile up the people who still think Trump is some kind of god.
I really think that living in Germany has made me more empathetic toward immigrants. I know my situation isn’t quite the same as theirs is, but I am struck by how welcoming most Germans have been to Bill and me. I think of how I would feel if some political asswipe decided to send me to some other German city just to make a point to political rivals. That just sucks… and it’s shameful. I hope the new arrivals will be treated with more kindness and humanity, in any case.
Of course, now Pence has also joined the fray… I think 2024 is going to be an epic political shitshow. I probably need to see a doctor soon, but honestly, I’m so tired of this crap that I think I might just let the chips fall where they may. The sooner I get beamed up, the better.
But, at least the grandkids had reason to smile, right? And my music library is mostly fixed. So those are two good things that happened. Now, I think I will take Noyzi for a walk… try to burn off some of my beer gut… 😉 (and yes, Susanne, walking can help burn off a beer gut.)
Featured photo is a shot of the video we watched. That was the shield we got for oldest grandkid. It came with a sword.
Yesterday evening, I read a heartbreaking article in the Washington Post written by a retired pathologist from New Hampshire named Thomas Gross. The doctor wrote about having to perform an autopsy on a tiny four month old baby girl. It was his first time doing an autopsy on a baby, and the job was breaking his heart. But because the baby had died under somewhat mysterious circumstances, the procedure had to be done. So Dr. Gross began to explore the baby’s organs.
Dr. Gross described the ghastly condition of the baby’s pancreas, which was swollen to twice its normal size and covered with huge, angry looking, blood filled blisters. Her pancreas was abnormally rigid. The baby had previously been healthy. She’d started smiling and laughing spontaneously, and was even sleeping through the night. But then she suddenly got very sick, and spent her last hours vomiting, screaming, and crying inconsolably, in obvious pain. Dr. Gross soon had the answer as to why the baby was so sick. He discovered that the disease that had killed the four month old girl was pancreatitis. According to Dr. Gross’s editorial:
The condition was caused by a bacterium known as Haemophilus, type B (HiB), once a common threat to children. The epidemic stopped abruptly after 1985, when two American physicians patented an immunization for HiB. By 1987, the HiB vaccine was approved for use in all age groups. Cases of Haemophilus infection in children in the United States dropped precipitously in just a few years from more than 20,000 cases before the vaccine to just 29 cases in 2006. Deaths now occur almost exclusively among unvaccinated children.
The baby’s parents, no doubt loving and well-meaning, had chosen not to vaccinate their baby. They probably had never heard of Haemophilus, and it never occurred to them that she would get so sick that she would die. The girl’s parents probably weren’t around when babies routinely got sick and died of preventable infectious diseases like measles and polio. Besides, nowadays, everybody’s got the Internet, daytime TV, and social media to inform them, so they don’t always want to listen to what actual doctors recommend. Dr. Gross writes:
Many parents are too young to remember when young children died from measles, polio, smallpox, strep throat and influenza. They don’t remember when there was nothing that anyone could do about it except sit and watch. When the polio vaccine first appeared, mothers dragged their children to the public health clinic and stood in lines around the block to get them immunized. Before the measles, mumps and rubella vaccine, pregnant women infected with rubella would invariably deliver horribly disabled and disfigured babies. Many children still die from measles; they are almost exclusively unvaccinated.
I could feel the palpable sadness this now retired physician still felt for the tiny patient whose memory still haunts him. Then I looked at the comment section on Facebook. At that point, there were only a few posted. One of the very first comments came from a guy named Chris who posted something along the lines of, “A lot of the people posting ‘sad’ reactions would have applauded the mother’s choice if she had terminated the pregnancy.”
It pisses me off when people– especially MEN– feel the need to conflate the abortion issue with every other issue even slightly regarding the welfare of babies. Chris wasn’t the only one who brought up abortion, either. So, although I know I shouldn’t have done it, I decided to respond. I wrote something along the lines of this:
A lot of “anti-choice” types are also against vaccines. If this baby’s loving parents had vaccinated her, she’d probably still be alive.
I noticed that Chris immediately responded to me. Another man gave me a “laughing” reaction. I decided to ignore them, because I didn’t want to get into a pissing match with them on such a pleasant June evening. I knew I’d be tempted to rip into him– in a much less delicate way– than the pathologist cut into the baby about whom he wrote his heartfelt editorial. Guys like Chris make me angry. They lack compassion, and they don’t see how sometimes terminating a pregnancy is actually the kindest thing a person can do. Aside from that, the story had NOTHING to do with abortion. It had to do with making wise and informed decisions for one’s offspring. In this tragic case, the baby’s parents, who obviously loved their infant daughter and hadn’t wanted to abort her, inexplicably chose not to vaccinate her. The unfortunate decision these parents made, on their daughter’s behalf, caused the girl to suffer needlessly. Ultimately, their baby paid with her life.
Being a parent is a huge responsibility. This baby’s parents no doubt wanted to embrace the challenge, yet they made a huge, fatal mistake that cost them dearly. This story, like so many others I’ve read, only underscores how very important it is to be ready for the job of parenting. Ideally, that job starts before an infant is even born. Prenatal care is so important, but we live in a country where access to healthcare is difficult and expensive. So many people focus on forcing others to gestate, but they don’t pay attention to whether or not the pregnant person is up to the challenge, and they don’t want to see to it that moms are ready for the awesome responsibility of raising children… or if they even want the job.
Of course, sometimes shit happens. I don’t want to dump on the parents in this sad story, because even years later, they probably still feel absolutely horrible about what happened. And they probably thought they were doing right by their baby, even though the whole sketchy “autism connection to vaccines” has been debunked for a very long time now. Dr. Gross wrote:
In 1998, the highly respected British medical journal the Lancet published a study suggesting an association between immunizations and autism. The author did not show immunizations cause autism. He merely pointed out that, in 12 cases of autism, all 12 autistic patients also received vaccines against measles. Incidentally, so did a hundred million other kids who had not become autistic.
The Lancet later admitted that the paper’s authors failed to disclose financial interests. The lead author was publicly discredited. The Royal Academy of Surgeons rescinded his license to practice medicine. The Lancet withdrew the article from publication.
But the damage was done. The loving parents of the baby on my table, well-educated and well-meaning, had chosen not to immunize her. Had they succumbed to the Internet hype that immunizations cause autism? Had they ever heard of Haemophilus?
Maybe the parents just didn’t know. The baby was just four months old. Timely vaccination might have just slipped their minds. Maybe they were planning to get her vaccinated at a later date. Who knows? What we do understand is that the baby developed a likely preventable life threatening disease that ultimately killed her in a painful way. If she’d been vaccinated, maybe things wouldn’t have turned out this way.
Continuing on this same theme, this morning I read another “Am I the Asshole” column. It was written by an older woman who came of age at a time when most women were expected to be wives and mothers. The letter writer explains that she wasn’t much into being a mom, but nevertheless, she had two children, a boy and a girl. Her children were “good kids”, and she did the best she could by them. But she admits that she was very relieved when they grew up and moved out on their own. She finally had the chance to do her own thing and discover herself.
The letter writer’s son, John, got married and had three children. Her daughter just has pets. Mom treats her daughter’s pets like grandchildren, which upsets her son. He thinks she should be more deferential to his human offspring over his sister’s dog and cat.
I don’t think the mom in this story is an asshole; however, I can empathize with John. John’s mom sounds a lot like my own mom. My mom had four children, and she often told me that she hadn’t wanted four children. Since I am the youngest, that means I frequently got the message that I wasn’t welcome. I remember watching my friends with attentive mothers and feeling painful surges of envy. My mom took care of me the best way she knew how, but she was never one to dote on me. My mom couldn’t wait for me to be on my own, and that was a message that hurt me a lot. She has also referred to my dogs as her “granddogs”.
I’m not saying my mom doesn’t love me. She does, in her own way. Our relationship is better now, too, since I don’t physically need her anymore. Now we can be friends. But I do remember what it was like to be raised by someone who was sometimes cold, and didn’t seem to care that much about me. Or, at least that’s how it seemed when I was a child. I see things differently now, and have come to respect and appreciate my mom more. It’s become easier to see her perspective now. There are a lot of issues I don’t have to deal with that my friends with more attentive moms do. I was also lucky in that I have always basically gotten along with my mom, in spite of her “hands off” parenting style. I think a couple of my sisters had a much tougher time with her than I did. On the other hand, my sisters got along much better with our father, while I had a lot of issues with him that still haven’t been resolved and probably never will be.
I think John should find a therapist and talk about these angry feelings he has toward his mom. He obviously still feels very hurt about how he was raised. He could tell his mom wasn’t that into raising him, and he knows she’s not going to be “super granny”. I don’t blame him for how he feels, but it’s not appropriate for him to punish his mom and try to force her to be someone she’s not. In the end, his kids will suffer, and when he inevitably loses his mother, he’ll still have a lot of unresolved angst, like I still do about my dad. I can’t help but realize that if my mom and the letter writer had been freer to make choices, John and I would have both been spared significant pain… and we would have been none the wiser, not having been born to mothers who would much rather be doing something with their lives other than mothering.
I’ll end this post with another personal story from last night. Regular readers might know that my husband, Bill, just became a grandfather for the third time. His younger daughter, who is an excellent mother, just had a baby last week. We sent her a package with treats from Europe. There was a Harry Potter hot chocolate mug from France that we picked up in March, but couldn’t fit in the last box we sent. There was chocolate from Germany, and a few gifts from our trip to Italy. In the box we sent were two books that I picked out for the two older kids. One was an activity book about Florence. Ideally, the kid would be in Florence as he or she explores the city, but I figured younger daughter and her husband could use the Internet to teach the kids about Italy and do the activities. The other book was a charming story I found about growing up independent.
I was wandering around in the bookstore at the Uffizi and this book caught my eye. It had really engaging illustrations featuring a baby zebra from West Africa. I don’t remember the book’s title, but I do remember the story was about an independent little zebra who wanted to try new things that he wasn’t quite ready to do. His patient and gentle mom told him that one day, he’d be on his own and he could then try all the things. But for now, she was there to guide him and teach him. It was a comforting, positive, and healthy message.
Unfortunately, Bill and his daughter have both been on the receiving end of Ex’s repeated manipulative ploys involving children’s literature. Ex has a bad habit of using books and music to make other people feel like shit. So Bill felt compelled to read the book from cover to cover in the bookstore, just to make sure there wasn’t a message in the story that would make younger daughter feel bad. Fortunately, he decided that I had made an appropriate choice, so he sent her the book. Hopefully, she’ll like it. It’s a book that I doubt her mom ever would have sent, since it’s about children growing up with a strong and protective role model who actually wants them to be independent and self-sufficient someday.
I think Ex loves being a mother, but only because it means she has family members who literally owe her their lives. She uses them as tools to further her own agendas. Her children aren’t stupid, either, because they can read between the lines. They get the messages she sends when she uses a book like Shel Silverstein’s The Giving Tree in her object lessons. She compares herself to the tree, and her children (and Bill) to the selfish little boy who takes and takes until there’s nothing left. But the reality is, the children are always giving to their mother, and she’s never satisfied. That has caused them pain, because obviously, their mother wasn’t up to the challenge. Her goal probably should have been to raise her children to chase their own dreams and live life on their own terms.
I’m not a mom myself. I always wanted to be a mom, but that wasn’t in the cards for me, for a lot of reasons. And because I barely know Bill’s daughters, I don’t feel like a mom to them… or a granny to younger daughter’s children. I do sort of feel like a mom to my dogs, though…
I don’t know if my overall message is getting across in this post. I know Bill is glad I’m here, warts and all. And I know my mom, ultimately, is glad she raised me. I do wish she’d wanted to do it from the get go, though… and I know enough people who haven’t had happy endings after being born into situations where the mom simply wasn’t up to the job. So that’s one of many reasons why I’ll always be in favor of allowing pregnant people to make choices, and that’s why I get triggered when losers like Chris conflate the abortion issue with any story about babies who die. Life is tough enough. Babies, especially, should be wanted, loved, and cared for by parents who want them. Pregnancy shouldn’t be an obligation or a punishment, and it shouldn’t be up to anyone to solve another person’s fertility issues. Moms, especially, should be ready for the challenge of motherhood before they accept it.
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