communication, condescending twatbags, fashion, first world problems, language, musings, narcissists

Your body is telling me to GTFO of here, pronto!

In my first travel blog post today, I wrote about a non-verbal interaction I had with a fellow cruise passenger during our “free” hotel stay in Stockholm. In my post, I issued a disclaimer that my impressions of that non-verbal interaction might have been off base. Sometimes, I do get things wrong. However, I don’t think I was wrong in this case. I’ve “heard” the same thing from other people who later issued similarly offensive communications in verbal form. It usually starts with someone glancing at you and looking like they just smelled shit.

I sort of expect these kinds of situations to erupt, especially when I’m among the especially privileged. I’d say anyone lucky enough to be cruising on Regent Seven Seas Splendor is among the most privileged of people in the whole world. Bill and I certainly aren’t wealthy, but we can afford nice things, and we do partake in luxury sometimes. However, we don’t necessarily look the part of the rich and fabulous. Consequently, sometimes we’re on the receiving end of disdainful looks from the more polished and obviously prosperous.

One thing I’ve noticed on luxury American cruise ships is that there tends to be a gamut of people. You’ll see super wealthy and successful types aboard– people with trophy wives (and husbands) and all of the trappings of success. And you’ll see a lot of much younger people who don’t look like they should be able to afford such a vacation. Experience has taught me that those folks usually work in the travel industry. My British “friend” who works in the travel industry tells me that people in that field can score insanely good deals on travel, allowing them to experience exotic and luxurious trips with the wealthy. You’ll also see people like Bill, who work hard and earn a decent wage for what they do– and don’t necessarily own beautiful homes, fancy cars, or memberships at country clubs, but are able to splurge on luxury cruises or hotels.

Not everyone who has money is an asshole, of course. Bill and I have met many really wonderful folks who have truly been blessed– both with wealth, and with fabulous personalities. But luxury travel also attracts a lot of self-entitled jerks who automatically look down their noses at others without knowing a single meaningful thing about them. This post is mainly about those types of people, who are fortunately probably in the minority.

One thing I noticed when I was on this particular vacation is that I suddenly don’t care that much about shallow, vain types of people. I certainly didn’t waste any time trying to impress them. I used to be more offended by that kind of behavior– snobby, disdainful, judgmental, and flat out rude. Now, I just think it’s kind of sad… and perhaps a little bit amusing. Imagine going through life looking down your nose at everyone just because you think they’re somehow beneath you, based solely on qualities as fleeting as how they look!

Most of the time, when I’m just at home with Noyzi, I look like warmed over crap. I don’t wear makeup. I usually don’t wear a bra unless I’m going out in public. I don’t fix my hair. I dress for comfort instead of style. Even at my youngest and freshest, I didn’t have a particularly nice figure. And yet, my husband shows me every day how much he loves and adores me. We always have a good time together, and never run out of things to talk about. There’s an endless stream of inside jokes and shared memories between us. And we clean up quite nicely, too.

Maybe it’s wrong for me to say that I don’t care about this “disdain” I sense from others when I’m out and about. I guess I do care, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this post. It’s just that this time, instead of feeling pissed off and outraged about it, I noticed that I was actually more amused. Because I think of some of our favorite memories, especially when we’ve been traveling, and they don’t include people like the guy in the hotel lobby in Stockholm. They typically include more down-to-earth folks like the hilarious Spanish bum we encountered in Seville back in 2014.

The most interesting and memorable people I’ve ever encountered are people who might get a disapproving glare from the “gentleman” we encountered on our cruise. Even the narcissistic guy on our second SeaDream cruise– who actually told Bill “Now I can see why you’d love her…” after hearing me sing– was at least open-minded enough to look beyond the surface. The guy we ran into on the ship will likely never know truly awesome people, because he’s apparently mostly interested in superficial things like a person’s outward appearance and attractiveness. And yes, I do think that’s sad and very limiting for him. What’s the point of traveling if you don’t want to encounter people who are different? He might as well stay home and hang out at the country club. I guess Regent could be considered kind of a country club at sea. 😉

Ah well… I suppose we all do that kind of judging from time to time. It might even be called a form of self-preservation. We size people up based on their appearances. Someone who looks clean, well-fed, and employed might seem more trustworthy than someone who looks dirty, unkempt, and in need of assistance, even if the clean looking person is a notorious cheat, and the homeless person looks the way they do because they gave a friend the shirt off their back. Most of us feel most comfortable around people who are like us on some level. And to be honest, I’m doing a fair bit of judging myself, based on that guy’s apparently negative attitude. For all I know, he only looked like he smelled shit because he actually did step in some while strolling around Stockholm.

One thing I noticed on our trip is that I no longer really feel like an American, even though I definitely am one on every level. I think when we go “home” again, I’m going to feel out of place, and there’s going to be a hell of a culture shock to adjust to… I’ve experienced it before, although the last time, I was actually looking forward to going “home” to America. This time, I dread the idea. And yet, it’s still my home, and there are people, places, and things I still miss there.

Well… I’m not sure how much sense this post makes, or even if it’s offensive on some level to some people. It was just something on my mind today. Travel has a way of erasing prejudices for most… at least those who are open to new experiences and meeting different kinds of people. It’s good for the soul, and good for opening minds and hearts. And I totally realize that maybe a luxury cruise isn’t the best place to be preaching about such things. But even on a luxury cruise, there’s a class system, and on some level, it is kind of hurtful to be deemed lower class… especially when it’s evidently only based on something as superficial as physical appearance (and by this, I don’t include what is written on a person’s facial expressions or revealed within their body language).

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, time to have some lunch and get back to writing up our trip!

(The featured photo is of me on the first night of the cruise, freshly scrubbed, made up, and coiffed… I was probably still too ugly to be in the presence of the shit smelling man in Stockholm… Somehow, I’ll have to find a reason to keep living. 😉 )

overly helpful people

Someone sound the snoot alarm…

There are a handful of Web sites I visit every day for fun and edification. One such site is Cruise Critic’s forums, specifically the “luxury” board. Messageboards are kind of passé nowadays. They were more popular in the days before Facebook, when that was how people hung out and communicated. In some ways, I kind of miss forums, so I get a dose of them on Cruise Critic, which probably serves an older demographic anyway.

Bill and I have been on nine cruises to date. One was a short mass market cruise on Royal Caribbean. The rest could be considered “luxury cruises”, although some people on Cruise Critic’s luxury boards would be loathe to consider them that. There are some real snobs on that board!

Take, for instance, a recent topic that came up on the luxury forum. Someone wanted to know which “luxury” line is the least “stuffy”. The original poster wants to take a luxury cruise to celebrate her daughter’s 21st birthday. Besides herself and her daughter, the party would include her husband, her 80 year old mother, and her daughter’s boyfriend. Knowing that luxury lines tend to attract older people with money and less desire for gimmicks like Wave Riders, climbing walls, and waterslides, the poster worries that the luxury lines will be too stodgy.

She got lots of responses from the peanut gallery, with a few folks daring to mention lines that aren’t considered “luxury” by a core component of regular posters on that board. The luxury lines, according to the self-appointed experts are: Seabourn, Silversea, Regent, and Crystal. However, I happen to know for a fact that there are other lines out there that are considered luxury… they just don’t cater to North Americans as much as the big four do, nor do they go to as many exotic locations. For instance, Bill and I have done five Hebridean Island Cruises. That line, which is truly all inclusive once you’ve paid your fare, mostly sails in Scotland with occasional forays into France and Norway. The cool kids on Cruise Critic probably wouldn’t consider it a luxury line, even though Queen Elizabeth has sailed it twice.

Ditto to SeaDream Yacht Club, which goes to more places than Hebridean does, offers excellent service, and is mostly all inclusive. It’s usually considered a luxury line, but not to the resident snobs on the luxury board, who have their own standard criteria for what’s luxurious and what isn’t. They’re more concerned about thread counts and square footage than excellent, sincerely delivered service and included amenities.

Bill and I like to relax when we cruise. That’s why we don’t bother with mainstream cruise lines. We don’t like huge crowds, long lines, or shitloads of kids running around yelling, pooping in the hot tubs,and hogging deck chairs. We also appreciate all inclusive fares because they allow us to forget about how much the trip is costing. On Hebridean Island Cruises, we truly don’t have to worry. We have never so much as handed over a credit card when we’ve boarded, nor have we ever gotten a bill at the end of the cruise. On SeaDream and Royal Caribbean, we’ve had to settle large bills at the close of the cruise, and I would imagine it would be the same on other cruise lines.

I once got into a mild argument with one of the worst snob offenders on Cruise Critic. She has a favorite line she cheerleads for, and I find her so obnoxious that I actually avoid that line because I don’t want to run into her when I’m supposed to be relaxing. This lady will argue to the death about the definition of luxury, and apparently her opinion is the only correct one. Sure enough, she was active on the thread about which “luxury” line was the least stodgy. She pipes up quite loudly and insistently whenever anyone dares to mention Windstar, Azamara, or Oceania– considered to be “premium” lines rather than “luxury”.

There’s another poster who chastised someone for suggesting “luxury” upgrades on mainstream lines. When the person came back and confronted the guy, saying that maybe the OP was looking for alternatives, he said “… she shouldn’t be posting on the [LUXURY] board.” God forbid someone who knows about luxury cruising and mainstream cruising might present alternatives that don’t fit with the big four “luxury” lines… luxury, that is, according to a few self-appointed North American based experts.


What is especially funny to me is that the original poster moved on after a couple of posts, but the thread continued with people arguing about what constitutes luxury and whether or not other lines– not considered luxury by the “experts”– should be allowed to be discussed. When the OP came back and reported that she’d chosen a Crystal cruise, the conversation deteriorated into what should be considered appropriate attire after 6:00pm. Apparently Crystal isn’t strict enough about the dress code and their Brazilian restaurant is “horrible”.

I don’t know why I keep reading that board, especially since reading about the recent forced quarantine on the Diamond Princess has me a little leery of booking another cruise anytime soon. What those poor folks have endured for the past few weeks is just horrible. It must have truly sucked for those who were in an inside cabin. How they managed not to freak out from boredom, I’ll never know. What a nightmare. I just read that two Japanese passengers who were on that cruise died. Between that quarantine drama and the Costa Concordia running aground disaster from a few years ago, I can state that a mass market cruise doesn’t appeal to me at all.

And now, having watched shows like Below Deck and personally experienced snooty behavior and disasters on cruises, I’m beginning to wonder if even cruising on a luxury ship still appeals… I do want to do a barge cruise sometime, though. I think our next water based trip will be on a barge in France. But the lovely thing about barge cruises is that you can get off and walk or ride a bike and keep up with the vessel.


I love a good smackdown…

Sometimes, I lurk on the messageboards on Cruise Critic. I don’t post much, mainly because Bill and I don’t cruise a lot and the one line we’ve cruised most, Hebridean Island Cruises, isn’t particularly well-known to most people. Oh, but I do enjoy reading what other people think about cruises and cruise lines. Sometimes, I run into some real “characters” on those boards. The biggest offenders seem to hang out on the luxury cruising boards.

There’s a poster on that board who rubs me the wrong way. She’s one of those people who has very set opinions and tries to impose them on everybody else. Every once in awhile, when someone really takes her to task, she’ll back down slightly. But she still insists that she KNOWS what luxury cruises should be and anyone else’s opinions regarding same are simply out of touch with reality. Recently, she justified her opinions by stating that she’s spent over 500 nights on luxury cruise ships and that means she KNOWS what luxury travelers are looking for.

I have had at least one dust up with this poster myself. It happened a couple of years ago when I left a comment lamenting that Hebridean hadn’t been considered “luxury” in a recent poll. Having been on Hebridean five times myself, I know it’s a superior product. It doesn’t have some of the amenities larger ships have. There’s no spa, pool, or piano bar, for instance. But the food is first rate. All beverages, save for very expensive wines, are included. All excursions and entrance fees are included. Toiletries and linens are top of the line. Tips and Internet are included. Transportation to and from the ship from the train station or airport is included. And there are only about 50 people on the ship. Moreover, if there is some experience you want, the concierge will work to make it happen for you as a matter of course. Once you’ve paid your fare, there is nothing else to worry about. That, to me, is luxury.

But this poster was hung up on the size of the staterooms and the age of the ship. She wrote about thread counts of the sheets. She was quite nasty as she dismissed my opinion, even confessing to laughing at it. This person has never even been on Hebridean Princess and, she claims, never would bother with it because she doesn’t like hanging around with British people. And she writes this even though her husband is British! She still feels quite free to offer her opinions, though, uninformed as they may be. She insists that she’s right, because she’s a luxury cruise consumer with over 500 nights on board and at least 33 Regent cruises under her belt. Yippee!

I’ve seen her spar with a lot of people on that board. Some people get pretty assertive with her. I don’t bother, because to me, it’s a clear waste of time. However, I will admit that I like it when someone gives her a good smackdown. Case in point…

…as much as I enjoyed your objective comments on the Crystal forum, on this thread you are really off base.   On this single thread, you have said more about yourself than I would ever want to know.  500 days….really?  Gross!

Bravo! In just a few sentences, a much less prolific, but otherwise astute poster, pretty much delivered a perfect smackdown of our resident luxury cruising diva. It will be interesting to see what her response will be. I know there will be one. There always is. It seems this type of person doesn’t know when to take her ball and go home. I shouldn’t be surprised, since this type of person also doesn’t seem to understand that tastes and opinions differ, and everyone should have the same right to be read/heard.

I don’t know when our next cruise will be. We have some important business to attend to and, of course, everything depends on what our future holds in terms of staying or going. But though I haven’t spent 500 nights on a luxury ship, I do know luxury when I see it. And really, most cruise ships are much more luxurious than your average day at home, right?